no discernible endpoint

What to say, what to say?
So I went to visit with my thesis supervisor and he told me he’s leaving in three weeks. After all the insincere oh good luck to you don’t worry we’ll sort everything out it will be fine conversation was over, hmm said I to myself, I think I’ll go for a swim.
Uni pool - closed
Off to the library
Hmmm I said to myself I don't feel like studying today, I think I’ll toddle off to my usual pool
Oooo I thought, gosh my ankle is stinging
Hey, I meant to go to the physio this week for a checkup!
Hmm said the physio as he twisted my ankle around
There’s no discernible endpoint here.......
(that’s bad)
Never fear, you can run for years and years on an ankle this unstable, as long as you tape it all the time! No worries whatsoever about the Melbourne half in October!
But what, I enquired, if you want to run every Melbourne half for the next 40 years?
Hmm said the physio
Here’s a referral to an orthopaedic surgeon. You might need a reconstruction.


......



Stoic cheerfulness being the LBTEPA way
- If there is a good time for your thesis supervisor to bugger off, this is it, as the ethics application is in but the data collection and analysis have yet to start
- a fresh perspective on the project could be the making of it
- I can still run swim and ride until this is all sorted out
- I might not have to have surgery anyway
- I have health insurance
- my ankle will end up stronger than before no matter what happens
- there’s plenty of sparkling shiraz in the rack

Stay tuned..............

Now I suppose I'll have to get one of those countdown doovers

Damn you, online entry! How many more times will I rue my impulsivity? How many days left until October 7th?

This thing has A CUTOFF TIME AT 11KM!
If I make it, I get to do a lap of the MCG!!!!!!!
I can pretend I'm Kerryn McCann.

I feel faint.

MUCH more anon, big dreamers.

Back away slowly

If I were you I'd be retreating as fast and as far as possible from the cesspit of infection that is Chez LBTEPA, spraying disinfectant as I went.
Noddie's sniffle has progressed to a fruity cough, although that didn't stop her riding her little bike all the way down our hill to the creek yesterday, and along the path and back (but not up the hill. She's not stupid). Her bike has trainer wheels; I fear what will happen when they come off because I already had to run to keep up with her! She's such a game little thing - after we got home she flaked it on the couch for a good hour.
J has a nasty cold which of course means he thinks he can loll about watching TV while grunting monosyllables, and I have a stupid infection requiring antibiotics. After I finish this post I'm off to G00gle whether I should be training this week. I usually follow the "above the neck" rule but I don't know how that goes with antibiotics... It's a good thing we are all healthy and recover quickly.

You would really be far better off nipping over to visit geekgirl, Simlin and Nancy and congratulate them on their great races this weekend!! Well done all of you!

In closing, I'd just like to say WOOF WOOF WOOF!

more anon, diehards

Sniffly Saturday

Noddie has had the sniffles and a cough the last couple of days so we have put in some solid sessions of Playschool in front of the new heater - the latter, BTW, which has usurped my electric blanket as one of my top three favourite things in the house, along with my mp3 cause it makes me run, and the computer because that's where all my friends live. I never said I wasn't fickle.
I am steadfastly defying any viral invasion with echinacea, patented cold remedies, vitamin C, plenty of water and sleep, and exercising as though The Schedule was the Gospel. So far so good.
Just wanted to share a really nice moment with you - I was running this morning (oh how casually she writes that!) when the sun came up, and I was all washed in gold! My elongated shadow was my playmate in that fiery, gorgeous world. It was a moment of joy and it's made me smile all day.
I'd best be orf - it's playdough time, woo hoo! I might let Noddie have a go later.
More anon, strivers :)

Make 'em laugh

How to make people laugh
- overdo it on the bike in February
- rehab shins, calves and achilles in March
- sprain your ankle really thoroughly in April
- rehab that
- run twice in 10 days as your only preparation for a hilly two-loop 8km
- forget your 5/2 run/walk plan; run all the way!
- walk around again with your kid
- imbibe injudiciously most of the afternoon
- sit down at your desk most of the next day
- attempt to walk down stairs while people are watching
Voila - helpless giggles from the assembled throng!

Maaaaaaaaate........
Ow ow ow ow
I haven't felt this much of a dill since....um....
But....
I don't care! It was a SPLENDID day! And after the bike last night and the pool this morning I am much better! And my medal is in my pocket because it makes me feel happy!

Does swimming in the morning make you hungry? It's not long since lunch and I could gnaw my own arm off.

more anon, carb-cravers!

Happy Mother's Day

This will be short because I'm pretty tired, the Bulldogs won in a thriller, and I had to spend the afternoon with my m-i-l so I've had a couple* of sherbets.
*ok, more than a couple. But for the best possible motives.
I love my Mum. I do my best to be a good Mum to Noddie. I had a magnificent example.

It was a beautiful morning that turned into a golden day. Mum was stoked with her 4km time; my 8km was slow but I was happy with it, considering. Noddie was a complete legend doing the 4km walk, although we spent some time being 'trains' - Lara was the driver, Mummy was the weary carriage and Daddy was the engine, pulling us all up the steep bits! My ankle is tired and a bit painful but not at all sore. Phew.

Now if you are lucky enough to have your Mum nearby, go and hug her and tell her you love her.
More anon, my friends.

Noddie's very first race number

*wipes tear from eye*
I'm so proud.

Tweaking

Firstly, get thee hence to Wes’ page and shower him with praise for finishing his very first triathlon!!
Secondly, THANKS for all your comments; as you know, I LIVE for attention LOL.

An ebay-free existence is weird. I am quite horrified at how much time I spent trawling for size 10 red shoes and size 14 wrap/crossover tops!

So, LBTEPA, how are you getting on with your stars, I hear you ask? I didn't hear you ask? Oh well...... you may want to skip this next bit...up to you of course...
In my tweak-it-‘til-it’s-perfect way, I have amended the criteria somewhat.
- physio exercises and stretches every day. No calf raises, no star.
- as far as possible, cheerfulness! I feel so very flat lately that this is a hard -but clearly important - habit of mind to maintain.
- eat like a lean person – start when I’m hungry, stop when I’ve had enough. Food as fuel and pleasure not anaesthetic against agitation or anger.
- no impulse buys. This is a bit complicated, but I have decided that one lunch and one coffee each week is ok. No earrings unless they are astonishingly fabulous AND better than the ones I am wearing, no lipstick, and NO beads! Mmmmm…beads…….
- un-stupid drinking. You know what I mean.
Nothing too hard, nothing too easy. Everything is aimed at longer-term goals – lose weight, throw a lifebouy to my plummeting mood, smarten up my finances, recover from this injury stronger than before etc etc – but gives me immediate rewards. I can have a star if I judge that I've put in a fair dinkum effort on all these things.

I am NOT talking about running because I am SULKING. My ankle has been all sore and sting-y and unpleasant since Saturday and I am going back to my physio tonight so he can tell me everything is normal and it’s ok and I didn’t do anything bad to it.

For the last four or five Sunday nights, I have put my swimming stuff near the door ready to go to the pool before work next morning. And for the last three or four Mondays I have got out of bed at the usual time and shamefacedly put my swimming bag back in the wardrobe.
Yesterday morning ........
*drumroll*
I got up early and went swimming! It was just lovely!I like this photo so much I put it up as the wallpaper on my work pc

What small victories have you had lately? Go ahead, talk yourself up! You deserve it!

More anon, back-patters :)

3 things

1. I am eschewing ebay because I have been using it to soothe myself when I'm agitated or despondent at uni or work. That's not what it's for. It's for reaffirming my status as a bargain-finder of legendary repute.



2. I made this for Noddie yesterday and felt all sentimental because I can remember my Mum making me a sock puppet. I'm sure I didn't call mine Daniel though.





3. I went for a run this morning.
*beams; exudes glow of quiet satifaction*

The things you learn...

If I was one of those impressively athletically successful people my blog would be bursting with impressive workouts, graphs and race reports.
If I was one of those madly keen weight-loss champions my blog would be full of recipes, charts and profound thoughts on my relationship with food.
If I was one of those wonderfully philosophical parents, my blog would be an oasis of reflection, learning and adorable family anecdotes.
Tough luck on you guys, eh? If that level of focus and excellence is what you're after, click on a few of my 'good reads' - those people are a source of inspiration to me every day. And you are too. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate what you write in my comments, I really can't.
I digress.
I like to have goals. Now that I am temporarily without them, I have realised that having things to look forward to that excite me, that involve effort and measurable improvement, is one of my great pleasures. It's been really hard just waiting patiently for my ankle to heal. I want to plan, and train, and get excited! I have not run even once yet. I'm a bit scared - ok, ok, petrified out of my mind - of what will happen when I do. BTW it's not fear that's stopping me - like the lovely Jeanne, I await, and await, and await medical permission to hit the footpath.
One thing I am really looking forward is the Mother's Day run. I urge anyone who's never done it to show up, do something for breast cancer, and enjoy an amazing, beautiful experience. It's such a tremendous atmosphere, I just love it. My plan is to run 3min walk 2. After my Mum does the 4km and I've finished the 8, we will meet up with J and Noddie and do the 4km walk - Noddie's second race as an official entrant!! I've got her an event t-shirt and she'll get her own bling too. I know I should use my powers for good and not evil, but I want her to be as hooked on big races as I am, mwahahaha...
In the "Why can't the new things we learn about ourselves as we get older be all good?" category:
I am an impulse buyer when I am under stress.
I didn't know this. I'm usually a really disciplined shopper. But the siren call of my four letter friend - no actual shopping, no actual money - has ensnared me. When I worked out how many clothes I've bought in the last three months I cringed. In a beautifully-dressed way. But still.
So the plan is this.
NO EBAY FOR TWO WHOLE MONTHS. That should be long enough to bring that nasty habit to its knees. Roaaaaaaar!

More anon, Scrooges!

That'll teach me

If you need the word 'smegged' explained to you, the best thing to do would be to get a dvd of the utterly hilarious BBC series Red Dwarf.
For those who must know now, a brief explanation: the word is used in much the same way as other vulgar euphemisms. Some examples: 'smeg off!'; 'can't be smegged'; 'this smegging piece of smeg still doesn't work, even after I've wasted the whole smegging evening reinstalling the smegging operating system'.
Research has found no ascertainable connection with expensive kitchen appliances.
As far as conjugation goes, you can bung it in pretty much anywhere. Mostly it just makes you sound like a bit of a half-back flanker, as I have helpfully demonstrated. Don't say I never do anything for you.

Now do let's LET IT GO, and talk about me instead.
My star tally is up to ten, which means that my eating/ drinking/ spending/whingeing have been on track for well over half the time. This is good.
My research proposal, ethics and funding submissions have been slapped into submission and handed in on time, despite my having to reinstall my stupid computer's operating system.
And best of all, my hop count has also reached ten! Not long now until we are free again, my pretties ...not long now....

more anon, barnstormers!

Acting As If

Positive? Moi? Why thanks darls!
It's been hard to write lately because I have been feeling so up and down.
It might all seem relentlessly positive; that's because that's the mindset I am trying to create for myself. Underneath there's always that little voice....
I am so sad that my ankle hurts and feels weak and unstable
I'm talking big about the Mother's Day run but I am NOT confident about doing it
Hurting myself again would be really bad
When did my waist turn into a beanbag?
Do you really lose all ability to lose weight when you turn 40? That WAS sudden!
I hope I'm not hurting myself with my new cleat position
My house is a mess
I feel like such a failure

I can't live like that. Boring, waste of energy, unattractive...you fill the gaps
So the plan is this...

I am Acting As If these are true

I am strong and healthy and I heal well.
I am lean and I drop weight easily.
I am determined and capable.
I am cheerful, and always look on the bright side.


I know it makes for boring posts, but it gets me by.
And by Acting As If, I will Make It So.

I coudn't be smegged vacuuming yesterday so I moved all the furniture around instead :) My house is still dusty but much more chic.
On our Saturday Train Adventure today, I took Noddie up the Rialto Tower. I love being up high!

Important stuff.

I think one of the very important things ANZAC day teaches us is to apply some perspective to our small troubles, and to give thanks for our blessings. We can all do with more of that.
Lest We Forget.


I am cross with myself because my stupid ankle is a bit tweaky after I didn't-even-roll-it-just-lost-balance-off-a-curb yesterday during Noddie's and my 6.5km Epic Adventure Walk to Daddy's Work And Back. It took us about 3 hours, what with detours through Secret Parks, stops to turn Teddy's pram into a train (Noddie's obsession du jour; at least when it was a train she didn't want to leave it behind in someone's front yard), a sausage-in-a-roll picnic in Bunnings' car park, and we've-counted-twenty-houses-so-it's-time-for-another-bikkie breaks. Gosh that kid is a trouper. I was so proud of her I nearly cried.

I've been feeling a bit fed up all this week, for no real reason, but am remaining true to the LBTEPA code of stoic cheerfulness and have earned a few more stars. Hey, you remember I was fancying myself as a bike guru? I cannot BELIEVE the difference moving my cleats back 1cm has made!! Oooh I felt so strong and powerful as I trundled along on Minerva yesterday! And guess what? I think the mothers' day fairy might be getting me a biomechanical bike fitting! Bliss!*does excited girly hand flap*

Best be orf now chaps, as I have to get something vaguely resembling a 2000-word research proposal done by tomorrow afternoon.

More anon, bibliophiles!

We're baaaack!

Minerva and me, we're back on the road, bay-beeeee! Woooo hoooooo!
My wonderful physio, he of Infinite Powers of Healing, has Spoken. And he has Said that Minerva and I may once again ride out through the land. And the people (well, me) rejoiced!
He also said when you can hop you can run. People with IPoH make obsure pronouncements like that. But don't you worry boys and girls, hop I shall.... Project Skippy is underway as we speak - I'd tell you about it, but the details are so top secret I'd have to kill you... well actually they're so boring you might die, involving as they do tiresome and repetitive exercises on steps. Moving on.



So Minerva came in from the back verandah and was dusted with a baby wipe and had her tyres pumped up. Then I rode her dowwwwwwwnnnnnnnn the big hill we live on to see if I could remember how to use the flicky-flicky gears (I could), then uuuuuuuupppp the big hill we live on to see if it was any easier than last time (it wasn't puff puff pant pant). Then off we went out into the wind and the fresh air and the spits of rain and I felt more alive than I have for weeks. *beams*
Now my glutes are tired, but that's good because it means I'm actually using them now LOL. Three guesses as to how I overused my calves so badly *pouts*. Life is so full of possibilities for biomechanical error, isn't it? My ankle feels a bit sore from twisting my foot to unclip, which is a bit of a worry, but I will think about it later. Since I'm fancying myself as a bit of a bike guru these days (hahahahahahaha) I'm going to move the cleat on my right shoe back about 5mm to see if it fixes the unbalanced feeling when I pedal. Tres fascinating, no?
My next post may be from gaol as the Spousal Unit has been giving me such SERIOUS 'tude* about picking up after himself lately that I may have to have him taken out.

More anon, bipeds**
*Ooooh I am so scary and gangsta LOL
**and a big hello to any quadrupeds who may be reading as well! Everyone is welcome at Chez LBTEPA, we're not picky AT ALL

and on a more cheerful note,

'cause cheerfulness is our raison d'etre here at chez LBTEPA...*

check out my new poster boy for the slow, the lardy and the proud. What a legend! Be inspired by his big dream here!

More anon, trundlers!
*By this I mean no disrespect whatsoever to those affected by the Virginia Tech tragedy. It's just how I cope with the world.

Rant, interrupted

I was going to have a rant about this (alleged) despicable, contemptible behaviour - even in football there has to be a line which players have too much self-respect and humanity to cross -
but then I heard about the dreadful tragedy at Virginia Tech, and I didn't have the heart.

When you go out, smile at the next person you see.
Let someone in before you in the queue or the traffic.
Ask a stranger who looks upset if she is ok.
Hug your beloved spouse and child and tell them you love them.
Speak out when the basic humanities are disrespected.
Always choose to be kind.

Love one another.

Star light, star bright

If my whiny evil twin was in charge today this post would be all
My ankle is a mess
It hurts to walk, it’ll be forever until I run again or even get on the bike
Why do I f#$% everything up all the time
It will take eons to get fit again
I nearly weigh The Number again and I don’t care,
Why don’t I care? Because I am lazy and I suck
No wonder I have no friends/am so fat/have such awful clothes etc etc
Oh woe is me, oh woe!
(and you, my dear long-suffering readers, would be saying, there she goes again…)
But
That crybaby sooky-arse la-la has been banished to the sleepout, and I am running the show, mwahahaha!
And I have A Plan!
Like my poor Bulldogs (another football team for you, Wes) I need to get Back To Basics. What things are contributing to the downward slippery-slope of sloth and lardiness? What can be done about them?
Currently, pain + inactivity + other stresses = helplessness = eating and drinking and whining.
There is little to be done about the first two for the moment, as activity is pretty much restricted to what my ankle will take, which is not much. Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevation and Patience. And Stretching. So that would be RICEPS. Or PRICES. Anyway. On to the rest of the sorry equation.
I know what works for me in terms of motivation and habit change. Small changes. Failure-proof, a-bit-hard-but-not-too-hard goals. Regular small rewards. What can I do that will give me all these things? Aha!
*drumroll*
Star Stickers!


I knew you'd be impressed.....

In order to get one of these little treasures on my calendar, I must
- stretch and do my physio exercises
- STOP when I realise I’m eating from tiredness or anxiety or anger
- Seek the support I need from J.
- challenge ‘it’s no use, you may as well give up’ thoughts.
- not more than one alcoholic drink, and most importantly
- strive for cheerfulness!!!

Don’t laugh – actually, laugh if you want to, it’s not your motivation that has gone AWOL! This will be the magic that transforms the LBTEPA universe!! So far (three days into the experiment) “Star Days” have made me smile as I rebuild my physical and mental strength. I *heart* my star stickers!

More anon, twinklers!

the horror, the horror

Let it be stated at the outset that I have nothing but admiration for those plucky souls who are publicly taking charge of their own health on The Bigge$t Lo$er. Nor would I presume to criticise those people who find the program inspiring - everyone is entitled to her own opinion, and yes, sometimes something is edited in that is quite moving. The show repels me on the grounds that it seems to me superficial, voyeuristic, emotionally manipulative, discouraging and occasionally dangerous in its advice. Not to mention that "...we'll find out after the break..." shite....aarrgh...come orrrn AJ, you're a legend, why are you doing this?
So imagine my dismay when, after eight years of blissful cohabitation, I found that my dear Spousal Unit - friend of my bosom* and helpmeet in life's vicissitudes - had turned to the dark side. He cannot miss his daily B L fix. I could not be more appalled if he'd taken up smoking, started voting for Our Glorious Leader or ditched his beloved Pies for the northern code. What to do? What to do? Luckily a) that show is on at Noddie's story time so I have a legitimate excuse for leaving the room, and b) it can't be on for much longer, surely....
but then , J has gone back to the gym this week for the first time in four years. So what do I know?
In ORN (Obligatory Running News - all the coolest blogs have it, just ask Wes) ...errr... there isn't any. The floppiness of my rainbow-hued ankle has concerned my physio to the extent that he is treating it like a grade 2 sprain.That's me on the exercise bike for the next two weeks at least. No permanent damage, though. No worries. Nothing worth getting upset over, no?
Upset, no, appreciative of quantities of champagne, yes....

I am lying. I'm a bit upset. My heart has cracked a little bit, the way it does when the universe gives you ar wee reminder of its haphazardness. But not to worry. As Noddie would say, these things happen.

LBTEPA'S ATTITUDE FOR APRIL = cheerful and stoic.



More anon, hippety-hoppers!

*He just read this over my shoulder and said, "I'll say, rwowr!" Pervert.

what not to do on your holidays

DO go to the races with your family

and have a lovely time

DO NOT trip over and alarm your dear mother while running

IF YOU MUST have a cold bath, make sure you have a classic to read and something nice to drink

DO apply a compression bandage after icing a bruise. It works a treat and I am almost all better today :)

DO empty your pockets before getting into the bath :(

Goodbye, my little red companion!

*TUESDAY MORNING*
It works again!

Hi ho, hi ho

..it's off to work I go....
The bowels of the uni library are my home for today, as I avoid dirty bathrooms and crumb-y rugs and unpacked weekend bags, instead facing up to unread articles and an unwritten research summary. Wait! What's that?
*NEENAWWNEENAWW!!! NEGATIVITY ALERT! NEGATIVITY ALERT!*
If I was to hear Noddie bleating like this (unlikely, although her vocabulary is increasing - she was in the back yard 'helping' the Spousal Unit hang out the washing when she pointed at his Shed O'Shite and told him it was disgraceful hahahaha...suck it up, J, cos she's not wrong...) I would ask her, how can we say that in a cheerful way?
Hmmmm...
I think I have my head around my thesis argument, I just have to write it down. I can do that.
Tomorrow we're going to Mum and Dad's for the weekend.
My achilles tendons, shins and calves are ever so pleased with all the stretching they are getting, so I have been able to run three times this week!
*short pause for happy dance*

Hot cross buns exist.
On Sunday we rejoice in the resurrection of love and hope.
What's not to be cheerful about?
Bugger, grumbles LBTEPA's whiny twin, I was looking forward to feeling miserable all day...

Now *whistling (and inflicting all my dear readers with an irritating earworm)* hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work I go...

Have a very happy Easter everyone :)

Maybe mojo, and an experiment.

I seem to have plummeted through March with an unpleasant splat. But the new month has imparted some new positivity and energy. I believe I might find my mojo soon!
This shin/calf/foot thingy has provided unexpected learning – constant niggly pain makes me HUNGRY! As does being Slightly-Under-Par. I am ATTRACTING WELLNESS GODDAMMIT! Aches and sniffles and cough, FEAR ME, and BEGONE! (It's a little known fact that being an Evil Overlord IS the most effective way of Attracting stuff). Given that I am generally the headcold Bleatmeister, refusing to give any quarter to being S-U-P was an interesting experiment – I ran and exercise-biked and took Noddie to the Aquarium and did housework, and the s-word (sick…shhhhh!) was never allowed to cross my mind. Mind you I did chugalug echinacea and panadol and vitamin C, but that was for wellness. You see? Hey, it kept me amused.
How do you all keep yourselves from diving into yummy stuff when you’re S-U-P? All words of wisdom gratefully accepted! (I’m picturing a SWAT team surrounding the house - step away from the hot cross buns LBTEPA…nice and slowly…)
More anon, dominators! mwahahaha!

happy dance for Katy

Get over to Katy's blog straight away and join in the communal "WOOO HOOO!" as our favourite transplanted Texan is allowed to run again! Go Katy go!
Not much news here. Running - slow & short (but in a good way). Cycling - (clasps hand to forehead dramatically) oh, oh, how I miss my proper bike, my beloved Minerva - but the exercise bike gets me tres sweaty, and that has to be good, no? Remedial massage - ow f$%& ow f$%& ow f$%* ow f$%* ow f$%&! (but in a good way). Eating - all over the place, but maintaining somehow. Thesis - well....(short pause as LBTEPA curls into a ball and rocks back and forth). Social life - had lunch with the lovely and wise Kathryn to hand over my Run For the Kids t-shirt. I know she will do it proud, the lucky duck. She's been working hard for a good run - pop over to her blog and wish her luck for Sunday!
Today I am thankful for Michael Phelps' sublime swimming...28 strokes for 50m freestyle, swoon.... although I didn't realise he really has webbed feet!
I am also thankful for the constant entertainment provided by the outfit choices of the chickybabes at uni.
more anon,

How do you get a pikachu on a bus?

You Pokemon! I know, I know...I'm sooooo funny....

Some dross from my tea-powered Brownian motion random-thought-popper-outer*.

Treadmill running is way harder than outdoor running and makes me want to puke, but having my mp3 player up loud enough to drown out the doof doof makes me feel hardcore.
You can lose all your condition in two weeks - NOT YOU JEANNE!!! You run marathons!!!You'll be fine!!! But me...sheesh...if I was a pokemon I'd be Jigglypuff.

Thankyou from the bottom of my heart to J's employer for changing his roster so he starts at 09:00 instead of 07:00 and I can exercise at 06:15 not 05:15. 'Cause it is all about me.
Running short distances very slowly now means I will be able to run longer distances faster (hahahaha) later. Now a round of applause for Captain Obvious.
I will never never ever fail to stretch and warm up before a run ever again.
I am going to do things that make me impatient now so I can be one of those mad 90 year old bats who make people shake their heads and say, "she's doing what"?"
I never cried on a physio table until I had a remedial massage on Thursday.
I didn't know my response to excruciating pain was thinking "F#$%!" a lot of times.
Losing weight seems to be really hard and kind of depressing at the moment.
It worries me that I enjoy the windows media player display when I'm on my exercise bike too much.

Today I am thankful that my Mum, my sister and I are going to the swimming tonight!! Woo hoo!

more anon, amphibians

*It's not impossible that I read this at too impressionable an age.

Let us draw a kindly veil

I drove to Bendigo through the darkness, singing along to happy upbeat songs. I was ready to throw myself onto the mosh pit of my blog friends' social effortlessness and be carried along by their sparkle and insouciance. I wrapped my fears in my new dress and my hot red knee-high boots that J gave me for my birthday and sashayed into town.
But then there was too much noise, too much smoke, too many people, just a bunch of stupid stuff - nothing at all to do with the fine women I had driven so far to catch up with - and little Mrs "I wish I went out more and had more friends" just panicked. Lame sooky la-la "I don't-like-this-I wanna-go-home". So I bailed out. Sheesh. What a (insert descriptor-of-lameness here).
I got a taxi to my car and slept for a couple of hours. Then I drove home, listening to the cricket. It was an exciting game.

Don't worry, my head is full of all the criticisms my friends will be too polite to make.
Let's never mention this again.

*MUCH LATER* I DON'T KNOW WHY BLOGGER TURNED OFF THE COMMENTS!! IT WASN'T ME!!

If I only had the nerve...

*Please note: for full effect, the following should be read in a particularly nasal and whiny tone*

Life would be so much less tiring if I wasn't scared of things.
I'm scared to run on my poor sore feet and shins, even though the physio told me I can, and HAVE TO.
But I'm going to the gym to run on the treadmill in about 10 minutes when J gets home.
I'm scared to go to the Bloggers' sleepover in Bendigo tomorrow night - I don't know anyone! And what will I wear? You haven't seen these girls! They are gorgeous!
But it's all organised and J is razzing me for being a la-la so I have to go.
I'm scared about being six weeks behind in my thesis.
And the only thing I can do about that is dive into the library whenever I can and f#$%ing well get that f#$%er done. I WILL do well in spite of those useless bastards messing me around.
So of course there is a plan; it'd just be easier if I could get my shoulders down from my ears (*sigh*).
Today I am thankful for Noddie playing hide-and-seek with a little girl while I was queuing at Medicare, as until recently she would have told the little girl she didn't like her and to go away LOL.

More anon, yellow-brick road followers!

What I do in my spare time

Context: I started the year thinking my thesis would be about the contribution of catastrophising thought patterns to the functionality of chronic pain sufferers. Then my supervisor offered me a project looking at the functional MRIs of the urge to cough. Cool! thought I, and started reading and writing and popping into the lab.
Cut to last Friday: my lab supervisor realised that I have a job and can’t actually devote every waking moment to the project. Comment: I’m a mature-age, part-time student, and a parent, and neither supervisor thought to ask how much time I have available?
Cut to this morning: after a complete WOFTAM* discussion during which what has been blatantly obvious since last week was thrashed to death for the sake of the lab supervisor’s feelings, I have no thesis topic. Comment: heck, it’s only six weeks into term. No worries! Hahahahaha!
~ short pause whilst LBTEPA regains a grip~
My uni supervisor and I meet tomorrow to work out a new project. It’s a Very Good Thing I am quite bright and extremely hard-working, isn’t it?

Insight: on the way to work from this meeting I was seized by the strong urge to self-medicate with a long black and some lemon-curd tart (mmmmm lemon curd tart….) But then I thought about the feeling I was trying to hide from. It wasn’t anger or despair or hopelessness, but sadness from the fact that I had to make a choice which precluded other choices.
You see, the cough project would have been the chance of a lifetime if I wanted to pursue a career in research. And as cool and fascinating and flattering to my self-esteem as that would be, I don’t. My long-term plan is to qualify as a clinical psychologist and move to the country. My priorities are my family, my studies, my health and my work, in that order. That’s how I organise my life. It would be wrong to spend every waking moment for a year in the lab (even if I wanted to) when Noddie is only three years old and J keeps getting promoted at work and needs my support. So it is the chance of a lifetime, but someone else’s lifetime. That kind of sadness – regret? - isn’t painful enough to need to be flattened with even the yummiest looking lemon-curd tart (mmmmm lemon curd tart...).
So I had a very nice soy latte instead, and bought a cool vintage shirt for $5 which has been complimented by every single person in our fashionista-laden department.

And tonight I will take my creaky shins and knees out for their first run in ten days. Scary, but I'm game.

More anon, strivers
*Waste of F#$%ing Time And Money

Dude....

Goals for the day:
1. Get the washing in before it rained - 19 shirts and 23 pairs of undies (almost the Spousal Units's and my entire supply) usually summons a downpour. TICK!
2. Do something, ANYTHING toward my thesis (DON'T ask about the messing-with-my-head BS that is happening with THAT because I AM ATTRACTING HARMONY goddammit). TICK!
3. Do my stretches. TICK!
4. Put "3" instead of "2" in my AFD chart. So far so good :)
Late update: TICK!
Today I am happy about watching Finding Nemo with the Spousal Unit and Noddie. All together now..just keep swimming, swimming, swimming....

Now the plan is this...

Yes two posts in a day you lucky ducks, but I really cannot leave that load of 'please feel sorry for me' shite dangling out there. I actually just popped back to delete it for the second time but the lovely Jadey, Sue and Celeste had already been kind enough to comment so I couldn't wipe it out again!

So: I have a lot to do and am feeling overwhelmed, especially by the uni stuff. I also have to redraw my exercise goals and plans for the winter a tad, which I tend to make a big deal of - boohoohoo, eh?

Now the plan is this:
Stop whining!
Keep journalling my food. Whatever I shove into my gob gets written down. (a thought: savour and enjoy food rather than shoving it into my gob? Hmmm)
No more whingeing!
Do all my prescribed stretches, every day. Be thankful for them.
Lose the complaining!
Count my blessings and deliberately notice things to be happy about.
Enough of the bleating!
Weigh myself daily to keep an eye on things.
Banish my sooky la-la twin forever!
Do something off my must-do-or-the-soft-boiled-eggs-will-hit-the-fan list every day.
Give up grizzling!
Appreciate my friends.

What I might also do is come up with a list like Jadey's, of things I'd like to do!
Did I tell you my new hobby? If I see a woman whose outfit I really admire, I go up and tell her I think she looks great, smile, then walk away! It's fun :)

Today I am happy about having a coffee date with the Spousal Unit before he went to work.

More anon!

Crestfallen

It seems that in my enthusiasm I have overdone things to the extent that my feet, shins, achilles tendons and knees have banded together to plot a rebellion and Save The World. Luckily they Have Spoken in time to prevent serious damage.
My magic men (my podiatrist and my physio, who did you think I meant? Sheesh, you people...) have ordered complicated and painful stretching, icing (with frozen water, not the good kind on cake) and no running or cycling until next Wednesday. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
No triathlon for me next weekend. We will decide about the Run for the Kids next week. Medium-term prognosis: complete recovery. Long-term plan: gradually increase cycling kms over the winter.
Not helping is the fact that I have been feeling almost paralysed with apathy lately. Tax-type stuff needs doing, Uni stuff is screaming for attention and I will soon get into serious trouble if I don't do it, my bathroom and floors are putrid...and here I sit eating rice crackers, and blogging. Better than systematically scoffing all the carbs in the house like I did yesterday, I suppose.

More anon, searchers-for-inspiration.

I am not a crock, I am a human being

This week I am a crock, I tell you, a complete crock. My knees ache intermittently, the soles of my feet hurt almost all the time, my right arch hurts like #$%* when I run....I am seeing Chris the magician podiatrist on Thursday, and taking inspiration from Katy, Jeanne and Duane who are managing really serious injuries and medical conditions with good humour and self-control. They aren't sinking to the floor in a catastrophising heap of woe, or bleating mightily while considering self-medication by chardonnay. How do they do this? I have no idea. I just wanna be like them

(I don't know why YouTube wouldn't let me sign up and play this).

More anon, groovers

Clunk!

I was driving the long straight road between Sale and Bairnsdale en route to my parents', just thinking about things, when the penny dropped so audibly I literally laughed out loud:
At my age and current fitness I cannot aggressively build up my running kms and my cycling base at the same time.
Thank goodness this notion penetrated my naive noggin before I bull-headed myself into a chronic injury.
A comment from the lovely Beck about my schedule collided in my mind with a line from John Bingham's Marathoning for Mortals - reaching for the stars is fine until your arms get tired. My exercise schedule at the moment is not right for me because it is not failure-proof. Every week I 'aim' for six sessions - and never get there. I never 'succeed'. When I write the bloody thing, that's just silly! Henceforth, five sessions are the ideal - then if I do get six in then I will be a f%&*ing superhero instead of just a legend LOL ROFL.
But....
With the acknowledgement that I am not immortal comes the necessity of choosing between sacrificing the winter to Minerva for the sake of a less-tragic bike leg in next summer's triathlons, or the original plan of three half-marathons....(and more bling)....hmmmmmmmmm....
No hurry to decide though. That's good.
The main thing is that I am sucking up the impatience and the frustration and being humble enough about my capabilities - while being fairly arrogant in my goals -to not injure myself. I am LBTEPA, hear me roar!
In other news, project "get away from The Number!" is going quite well. I am growing quite fond of my little yellow food notebook, symbolising as it does my aim of eating for fuel first, pleasure second - and numbness, never.
Don't ask about AFDs as I will have to lie and make excuses and you don't want that. Let's just talk about the lovely run around the river track I had this morning. It's so pretty, we must move here.
Now I am off to loll on the verandah and watch Noddie chase Mum's dogs around the yard.
More anon, groovers

Captain Obvious

A quiz: should LBTEPA
a) send a huge "THANK YOU! THANK YOU! MWAH! MWAH!" to her splendid readers for their encouraging and inspiring comments?
b) get her thyroid medication prescription filled, and buy some more iron tablets?
c) recognise that her new cycling schedule makes her knees a bit tired?
d) talk to the ever-so-supportive Spousal Unit about scheduling, so running doesn't only fit in at half-past dark?
e) smack herself upside of the head for being so dim and whiny?
f) all of the above?

More anon, friends

CBB = NG

I just Can't Be Bothered running lately. This is Not Good.

Sunday mornings

Sunday morning juggling starts on Saturday. The Spousal Unit gets home at about 7pm on Saturdays now (thanks so much for the new roster, J’s work!) so he’s tired at the end of his week and I’m tired from a very long day with Noddie. So after we have wrestled her into bed we like to sit down and have a bit of "adult time", including a bit of a treat meal, and almost inevitably a sherbet or several. If I plan a long run on Sundays I have to really hold back.
Noddie usually wakes up early on Sunday mornings and the Spousal Unit could do with a sleep-in, until 7.30am at least, so I can’t get out really early unless I manage to coax her back to sleep (unlikely). Then I must take into account the training I’ve done recently, my schedule – work, study and sport – for the coming week, and upcoming events, to decide what’s the optimal use of my available time. Mix in a few other priorities like family time, study load and then sprinkle with social commitments (thankfully, few) and “well-I-wouldn’t-mind-doings” - oh, and the weather…….I should be in Cirque d’Soleil. I have to say that I don't mind doing this. It's just complicated.
Minerva and I had a splendid ride this morning. My medium-term goal is to ride to Whittlesea (a small town about 26km away) and back, so today I headed out that way and turned around when I decided it was far enough, about 18km I think. It was nice to get waves and nods from the many other cyclists out on the road.
When I started the return journey I realised why it had been so smooth on the way out – the wind smacked me right in the face! Then something funny happened. With a click almost as audible as a gear change, my mind went into 'calm mode'. I was out there, I had to get home and I was going to. I could struggle and rail against it, or I could enjoy it. I used to have to deliberately take myself through that thought process, almost talk myself down from energy-sapping agitation, but today and last week in the swim it was an automatic process. I don’t know if this has occurred through practice, or confidence in my own abilites – but it’s worked! Such a handy skill!
BTW, as is my habit, I wanted to improve my cycling so went and bought a book about it. One single suggestion has made the purchase worthwhile. If you flatten out your back, i.e. try and push your spine toward the crossbar, your chest opens up and your shoulders relax so you can breathe better! Wow! Who knew?

More anon

A line in the sand

I stepped on the scales the other day and found myself at a weight above THE NUMBER. The Number is The nothing-to-worry-about Number, The I’m-maintaining-ok Number, The no-need-to-do-anything-special-just-not-go-too-berserk- on-the-pizza-and-wine Number. Exceeding The Number blows a big loud alarm whistle – time for a lifestyle overhaul, since things are clearly more out of hand than can be remedied with a mere habit tweak.
This is a Good Thing*. It’s not self-flagellation or despair, although dismay did get a brief run. You know when you get that feeling that it’s the right time for a change, and you’re ready? That’s happening right now. I’ve had a great summer, an epic summer! Christmas, holidays, January, my birthday, Vanuatu – it’s all been brilliant! Uni starts today, which will Change Everything. I’m almost over my cold, and it's March so I am counting AFDs again. It’s 5 weeks until the Run For the Kids (eek! That soon?). Time to Get Organised. Time to, as is my wont, Make A Plan (just typing those words gets me all thrilled, what a sicko eh?)
Now the Plan is This:
Exercise: Plan, Do and Record. Take into account drop in fitness from the time off and the cold. Start slow, start small and stay frequent.
Food: have the Spousal Unit dish up my dinner into a smaller bowl or plate. I’ve already written “Portion Sizes” and “Dessert” on the splashback with whiteboard marker to remind me of my focus. Write It All Down. Boooooring but effective.
Drink: Count and record AFDs in the sidebar.
Thoughts: I was jolted from complacency not only by The Number, but also by a ghastly holiday snap in which I appear to be concealing a partially inflated flotation device under my clothing. I had stuck this photo on the fridge to remind myself not to graze. But then, S (fellow wage-slave) told me about a smash-hit 0prah type book called “The S3cret” which espouses the law of AttraXion, (I hope this misspelling will stop people googling me…); the idea is that you will get what you think about the most – hostility, prosperity, failure etc. I had a flick through the book, and although repelled and faintly nauseated by the airy-fairy, faux-spiritual, relentlessly simplistic-positive tone, there were a number of ways in which its arguments appealed to me.
I think the current victim-mentality is a plague on modern society. I consider the most significant breakthrough in psychology in the twentieth century to be learned optimism, and that positive psychology will be as significant in the twenty-first. In my own life, the habit of challenging negative thoughts and reframing them into positive interpretations has been immensely enriching; and I am constantly trying to be a better person by improving my strengths and virtues. Everyone should read the book Authentic Happiness. Really. It’s not about ‘success’ as such, but about ‘authenticity’ and building a lastingly better life. Its arguments are supported by one of my favourite things, empirical research. Mmmmmmmm empirical research....
I do believe that, to an extent, you get what you look for – compare your homecoming from work when you are tired and spoiling for a fight with your arrival when you are feeling happy and looking forward to time with your loved ones. Once you take responsibility for your own self, changing your own thoughts and behaviour is a skill that can be learned. Most bloggers I read are trying to do this, which is why I like and admire them so much!
So back to “The S3cret”- and the point....being inclined to have a bob each way, I am going to put up a photo of myself looking lean and athletic. I am practicing reframing negative food-related thoughts, which will be especially important to combat my tendency to comfort eat at uni. I am calm at uni....I eat because I'm hungry..... I will let you know how Project 5.30am goes though, not feeling so confident about that...
I have also set myself a fairly ambitious goal and reward – when (I just wrote ‘if’, then deleted it, must be consistent LOL) I reach 72kg (a 10% loss) I am going to buy Minerva a triple front ring. Oooooooh swooooooooooon. I’d better find a picture and stick that up too….


More anon, Pollyannas!

* No Capital Letters Were Harmed by Their, Admittedly, Excessive Use During the Writing of This Post

Zen and the art of ignoring jellyfish

RACE REPORT: Big Bay Swim (Port Melbourne - Williamstown 3.2km).
Let me make this quite clear. I. HATE. JELLYFISH. Jellyfish the size of my thigh (you've seen the photos. Not. Small). Large, yucky, sting-y BASTARD JELLYFISH. Eeeeeeewwwwwwwww. And owwwwwwwwww. And "F#$% the f%#$ off you motherf#$%ing f#$%bastard f#$%s!" and *high pitched girly fright voice* "get away get away ew ew ew".
But the thing is, swimming is such a meditative, repetitive, mindlessly soothing activity for me that it only took a few strokes after each HORRID INCIDENT to get back into my groove. I did think at one point (after the third sting), well LBTEPA, you can either get out now, or you can keep swimming with the BJF, which are hurting you a bit but are not affecting your swimming or making you panic. There was no excuse to give up. Bugger.
BTW stings on your face hurt more than stings on your arms. They fade in hours.
Now that's enough out-of-order faffing on.
- got to the beach and was horrified to discover a stiff onshore southerly creating a sizeable chop
- didn't whine, throw up or rush to DNS (as 6 people did, ha!)
- water was warm, yay!
- remembered vaseline to prevent chafing, yay!
- remembered to anti-fog my goggles, yay! FYI: rub a bit of dishwashing liquid into the inside of your goggles. Let it dry. Rub it off. Voila!
- chop was tiresome, but not beyond my capabilites
- only went off-course once, in the section with the 3-foot swell so I couldn't see the bouys!
- my sighting was magnificent, especially compared to the bloke who crossed my path - that is, swam on a path perpendicular to mine - on more than 5 occasions in the last km, hotly pursued by the lifesavers calling, "mate, maate, go that way!" He was either extremely short-sighted, very very tired or totally shite at sighting (I'm punting on C).
- "The Elephant Wobbles from Side to Side" is both soothing and annoying as an earworm. If you know that song you will realise the slowness of my stroke cadence LOL.
- reeled in a swimmer over the last 300m, thereby moving to 140th/155. Yay!
- detected no evidence of sharks whatsoever at any time.
- the t-shirt was nice and the right size.
- vinegar helps with stings.
- my sherpas, the Spousal Unit and Noddie, are the BEST!!
- it IS possible to fall asleep sitting on a trolley next to the playground at Bunnings
- if you've swum a big event in the morning, you can't get away with bleating "but I have a cold" in the afternoon. And a mere couple of sherbets make you all giggly!
- the bravest thing I did was to not DNS when I felt sick with fear. Once I started, there was nothing to do but keep going. It was quite fun in an exhilarating, BJF way.

Time: 1.05.15. Rating: Thrilled.

More anon, adventurers

Thud

(as in 'coming down with a...')
If you like, you can click here and see what I did on my holidays (you can slow it down by moving the slider).

Now I have a terrible cold, a mountain of articles to read, an extra kilo and 3.2 km to swim across Port Philip Bay on Sunday morning. My strategy (you knew I'd have one) is to Not Think About It, and hope for a still day.

I can't think about it - it makes me feel a bit sick about how hard it will be with this stupid cold. I think it would be a cop-out to not swim, because I'll pretty certainly finish. It will just be *insert whiny tone* haaaaaaaard. Do I only like difficult things after I've finished them (and can show off about them)? I dunno. Sigh. Ocean swimming isn't like running - there are no conversations, no landmarks, no spectators. It's just me, the water and my whingeing sooky la-la self (who is clearly writing this post). Probably my major task on Sunday will be telling my WSLL self to shut the f#$% up and keep swimming!

If the Spousal Unit was here, he would point out that I do this terror-stricken bleat thing every single time I face a challenge - and then I usually enjoy myself! And I always reply, no, this time it's different.....this is REALLY hard....
So repeat after me:
I love swimming in the ocean.
I won't drown.
I won't be eaten by a shark.
If I DNF the sky won't fall.
It will only take a bit more than an hour.
I've paid for it so I'm bloody doing it.

I think I'll go and dry my dishes with my Vanuatu tea towel now, and maybe look at my newly-tidy bookshelves, or the pinboard where I've hung all my necklaces - now I can see them, I might even wear them! Small things make us happy, my friends....

Yesterday

Yesterday we travelled on a bus (to the ferry), two ferries - to the island for a last swim, and back - another bus to the airport, a plane, a train (to the domestic terminal), another plane and a taxi home. We learned that if your child bolts through passport control you can go and get her if a guard goes with you. It was our 7th wedding anniversary and we both had a great day. I am very fortunate to have the Spousal Unit as my husband. He is very lucky too of course!!



BTW Vanuatu was WONDERFUL and you must all go there as soon as possible.
More anon, globetrotters :)

Brilliant :)

It was all brilliant :)


My family and friends make me the luckiest girl in the world.


See you when we get back :)

Flat out like a lizard drinking*

I have a bit to do today

as we are having a little party tonight so Noddie can help blow out the candles. She is having a sleepover at Nanny's tomorrow, woo hoo!
When we get back on Sunday I will try and post all the fascinating details of the surfing-and-party etc, for which you will naturally be agog, but since we have to be at the airport at 04.00 on Monday (aarrgghh) I may not get a chance, especially if I am still a bit, um, delicate (not unlikely).

More anon, adventurers!

*moving extremely fast; very busy

Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!

In a last-minute burst of enthusiasm I have decided to do the Sunset Series Zoo Run tonight. Running through the zoo at twilight is great fun! Even better, I will be catching up with a long-time-no-see coolrunning friend who is coming back from injury, which may slow her to somewhere near my pace LOL.

I am offically getting Over Excited about the BWSNBN* weekend, especially since this t-shirt arrived yesterday from the US.
I saw it on Anita's blog and Had To Have One. (BTW Huge kudos to Threadless for uber-swift service ). It is to be worn at all times, except when I am in my new dress *squeals and does girly hand-flap*

Holiday-related Over-Excitedness is also reaching critical levels, but I will spare you. For the moment....(mwahahahahaha)
More anon, zoo dudes! Roarrrrr!

*UPDATE: Zoo run was BRILLIANT - many friends to chat to and run with - thanks SlowJo :) Watch time 54.14. Happy with that.

*Birthday Which Shall Not Be Named. Do try and keep up.

Thoughts on the F-word #3

I know there were only going to be two posts on this, but gosh my BWSNBN neuroses are just sooooooooooo interesting I can’t stop myself......
A quick countdown – sleeps to go until
- BWSNBN (surfing lesson and birthday dinner) = 5
- we leave for Vanuatu (possibly still tragically hungover) = 7
- bags must be packed and house cleaned (see above) = 4
- Port Melbourne to Williamstown swim = 21. An idea: do some training. Hmmmm.

The most important thing I have learned since I was 30 (apart from how to apply red nail polish without looking as though I've just ripped someone's heart out) is that I accept and value myself the way I am. Greedy, prickly, opinionated, competitive and tactless, and funny, smart, passionate, determined, and adventurous. Accepting all these traits as just there, neither good nor bad, means I can work on ways to prevent the less adaptive ones from hampering my life. I rarely do self-destructive any more. I don’t play emotional games. I can pick my battles and stick to my guns when I believe that my cause is right. I pretty much like myself, and I finally realise that I am good enough. What a relief (mind you, sometimes none of the above applies, like when I drink too much, gain 2kg in a day, miss training, and Noddie runs away in the supermarket causing me to abandon a full trolley). But it’s mostly true.
It’s just that forty sounds so ollllddddd.....
Forty
Fooorty
Forrrrty
Fortyyyyyyyy
Arrrgghhh!
but still…..(sings) any day above ground is a good day.... Maybe I’ll just be 41 for two years, it has a much perkier ring to it :)

I had a wonderful bike ride yesterday, out to a small town about 30km from our place. I know it’s the drought, but I do love the colours and smells of the paddocks at this time of year. My hydration/nutrition strategy worked perfectly - water whenever, Gatorade every 20 minutes, a muesli bar after an hour, and a picnic lunch at the end with the Spousal Unit and Noddie, who drove out to give me a lift home, bless them. My chain came off about 6 times (grrrrrr) - BUT when I got home I found the manual and fixed the problem All By Myself :) Life IS all about small triumphs.

Now I promise there will be no more faffing on about unmentionable subjects! Really.
More anon, keensters!

Thoughts on the F-word #2

So.....I wrote all this maundering navel-gazing shite about how I’ve changed since I was 30, have become a better person (most of the time) and like myself a lot more and really feel "good enough" now etc etc bla bla bla
Then my computer ate it. This was obviously the universe telling me to stop being such a half-back flanker, time to let it go now....
So give thanks to the five elephants holding up the world that you are spared more faux-ironic pretending-not-to-be-wallowing-in-self-pity-but-actually-seeking-"it's ok you're not really so old "-type-sympathy rabbiting on.
Then I realised that life is not complete without something making me feel faintly ill with trepidation, so I am doing this swim on Feb 25th.

I will do pretty much anything for fish and chips LOL.

Has there been nothing but tilting at windmills and lamenting lost youth at chez LBTEPA? Not at all!
I have a VERY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT TO ALL WOMEN who wish that a personal stylist would just bring them clothes that look good so that they, that is, we, if you follow me, don't have to go shopping and feel confused and sad about spending money on something that looks awful, or at least not as good as we'd hoped.(Short pause while LBTEPA is dragged away by the grammar police for a beating)
Since I read Trinny and Susannah’s book What You Wear Can Change Your Life and worked out what colours and shapes actually suit me I have thrown out a third of my clothes and bought about three tops and suddenly everything goes together! I have had compliments from the fashion mavens at work, as well as from people who actually like me! It's the best fun I've had for ages! The Spousal Unit is also extremely pleased *wink*
More anon, fashionistas!

Thoughts on the F-word #1

In less than two weeks it will be my birthday - the BWSNBN. I won’t be in my thirties any more. Pardon? What’s going on here? Why wasn’t I informed earlier? Can I get off now? (Slaps self in order to get a grip)
So what has been going on?

Since 1997 I have
- Inhaled chemicals in a workplace accident
- Been bullied by my evil boss and driven out of my job
- Separated from and divorced the ‘what was I thinking?’ husband
- Lost 90% of my friends, who blamed me (bastards)
- Gained weight
- Been unemployed and broke
- Fought my way through chronic fatigue and depression
- Endured infertility, IVF treatment, an awful pregnancy and a traumatic birth
- Discovered we can’t have any more children
- Almost died from anaphylactic shock

And also
- Been to Canada, Japan and Italy
- Had a fantastic fling with an older man (while I was separated!)
- Travelled first-class around Australia
- Met and married my beloved Spousal Unit.
- Begun psychology studies
- Regained my health
- Gained satisfying employment
- Started our property empire (LOL)
- Had my darling Noddie
- Lost weight
- Taken up running and triathlon
- made new friends

I’m glad I didn’t have a crystal ball when I was 30.
Sometimes I feel a bit sad about all the things I wish hadn't happened, or that I wish had happened! Mostly I don't, though.
Try this: - put the two halves of the list in the other order. It has a completely different effect! Maybe someone reading this who is in the middle of bad times can take heart - I am living proof that if you stay hopeful and keep working toward your goals, life does get better.

More anon, darls (I promise there are only 2 parts to this self-indulgence)

still more photos, still less content

AUSTRALIA DAY
1.45pm
2km - 41.07
Swim rating: thrilled

*PHOTO REMOVED FOR REASONS OF VANITY*

9.30pm
Champagnes consumed - unknown
Party rating: excellent

Warning: profound thoughts on the Birthday Which Shall Not Be Named (BWSNBN) coming soon

Australians all, let us rejoice!

First of all, thank you all so much for your kind comments about our dog. The Spousal Unit had Skippy for twelve years, so he was devastated at having to have him put to sleep. Noddie has been fine about it - she told Daddy that Grandpa was throwing a ball for Skippy in heaven.



Australia Day is tomorrow, so let us rejoice!
- for we can speak out against divisive and immoral industrial relations laws
- for we can be compassionate and welcoming toward all people, in the face of federal policy
- for we can make individual efforts to decrease environmental impact, despite our Prime Minster's refusal to sign the Kyoto agreement
- for we can continue to protest against our involvement in an unjust war
- for we can apply our own principles and intelligence to the bias of commercial news
- for 2007 is an election year, and we can change things.

I like to celebrate Australia Day by doing this swim. It will be even more fun this year because my sister is coming along to do the 1km. Afterward we'll have fish and chips on the beach, then later we are going to a 50th birthday/20th wedding anniversary party. Let's just say I plan to get stuck into it!
*note to self: buy some panadol*

We told Noddie

that Skippy had to go to heaven so he wouldn't be sick any more


He was a great dog.

What's going on here?

If I’d dragged myself out of bed this morning and run before the Spousal Unit went to work then I’d have achieved six out of six workouts for the first time since I started recording my training. I may still do a pilates video and hit that magic number. But Noddie was restless last night in the heat and I woke up a couple of times with my achilles tendons just throbbing, and I did a bit extra in the pool yesterday so I was a bit sore, and I’m home all day with Noddie today and then we have friends coming over for dinner....so I turned off the alarm.... and that’s ok. I don’t have to do six this week. It’s more important to build up relatively slowly and not injure myself. Minerva and I are going on a long(er) ride tomorrow.
I don’t know what’s going on here lately. I’m feeling very peaceful. Even last week when I was very down, I wasn’t frantic. Laying down the law to J is just that – no anger behind it. Rows with Noddie blow over and we are friends again quickly. Most days lately I actually stop eating my dinner when I’ve had enough – even when it’s really good! I’m consciously seeking snacks that will fuel me, not just comfort me, and drinking lots of water as well. Of course there are areas I could (and am trying to) sharpen up – especially chips at parties, Noddie's yummy stuff and chinese food arrgghh – but mostly it’s not such a struggle to eat pretty well. This confuses me – but I hope it lasts. It’s not showing on the scales, but not to worry - see? Frighteningly calm! Is there a pod under my bed?

It’s not much of a secret that I used to have a glass-or-two of wine most nights, and sometimes more. I was getting a bit worried how much I was looking forward that little “switch-off/reward/mhaaaa my day is now ovah” buzz that came with it. Let me tell you a real secret. Over there in the sidebar there’s a little table of AFDs for the month. Look! I didn’t mention it to anyone because I wasn’t sure if I could actually kick my habit. BUT I HAVE! To be honest, I have a light beer most days, but I am no longer looking forward to the little wine buzz. I may never give up drinking altogether, but from now on it’ll be the planned exception rather than the everyday. I’m proud of that.

More anon, pod-people!

Good things

When I got home on Sunday morning, Noddie raced to the front verandah and called out “Welcome home from your triathlon mummy –hip hip hooray!” and gave me a big clap! It was gorgeous :)

I have designated this a light training week. It’s extremely hot and humid (for here), J has the lurgi that laid me low a couple of weeks ago and Noddie is the Fussmeister in the heat. Someone has to captain the ship. And if I want to ignore The Schedule and just swim I will, cause it is all about me LOL.

I am trying very hard to neither join nor be enraged by the grizzlefest going on here about the heat/power blackouts (caused by the bushfires)/water restrictions. For goodness' sake people, what about a bit of backbone? Some cheerful stoicism?

My nephew wants to do another triathlon! I was so pleased – apparently N hadn’t realised how big, exciting and fun these events are. I will have him hooked on the buzz yet, mwahahaha! Unfortunately we will be away for the next one so I can’t join him, but I think Sib 1 might be up for another one.

On that note, our tickets to Vanuatu have been posted and will be here this week!!!! I am so excited I can hardly stand it (but that’s a whole other post). I’m starting to get a bit excited about my (unmentionable) birthday (in Feb) as well; so far 8 of us are doing the surfing lesson and twenty-five or so coming to dinner. Bring on the bubbly, baby! I have even bought a new dress.

My bike fitting was BRILLIANT! Go and get one for your bike AT ONCE! No, really! I was on the trainer in the shop for about half an hour while the charming Matt adjusted the headstem, the handlebars, the pedals, the gears, the seat and my pedalling action – such small changes and such a big difference. We had already spent half an hour choosing pedals ** and shoes suitable for both me and the bike (and he didn’t ask what a nuffy like me was doing with a nice bike like Minerva, either). Did you know you can buy ‘hybrid’ pedals? They have clips on one side and are flat on the other, so you can a) get your balance before you have to clip in, and b) ride your bike to the milk bar without having to put on your bike shoes. I *heart* my pedals!

**I’m not sure if these are the exact pedals but they are v. similar.

Race Report - Gatorade St Kilda triathlon

Gatorade Triathlon Race 3 St Kilda
THE FACTS:
750m Swim: 15:35 – although 250m longer this was only 3 min slower, just demonstrating what a lame effort I put in last time LOL
T1: 2:16 – 1 minute faster, including getting my wetsuit off!
20km ride: 49:24 – 1:01 slower than last time. It was quite a bit windier today, and muggins here dropped her chain at one point (note to self: practice practice practice those gears!).
T2: 3:08 – 0:30 slower, including changing from bike shoes.
5km run: 34:10 – 3:00 faster.
Overall: 1:44:36 – 1 minute slower, including a 250m longer swim
THINGS TO AVOID IF POSSIBLE:
- POOR PLANNING!!!
- Forget the event is on and do four training sessions in the three days prior. Can anyone say “tired legs”? Also “you idiot”?
- Late nights for the two nights previous to the event (I had no control over Noddie waking every three hours on Friday night, but it didn’t help).
- Packing my race bag at 11pm on Saturday night (see above) – I would have enjoyed the party-of-no-escape more if I hadn’t had that to do when I got home.
- No practice at all on the clipless pedals prior to the race. This turned out ok, but I was extremely worried and unhappy about it.
- No practice doffing the wetsuit – once again this went well but was another source of anxiety.
- No practice with using Sport beans instead of gatorade for the run (see above re: ok, anxiety).
- Chafing! Note to self: get some shorts where the elastic hasn't perished ow ow ow
THINGS TO DO AGAIN:
- Make the most of the time I had. As I set up my transition I visualised the order I would do things, and then rehearsed it as I was doing the swim and ride.
- Failure-proof the day. As far as I was concerned, the only thing that could make it a bad outing was if I fell off my bike and broke my arm.
- Visualise things going well – J suggested this regarding unclipping my pedals, so I spent quite a bit of time imagining them clipping out easily whenever I needed them to, and they did!
- Consciously stay “in the moment”. That is, I really tried not to think about the ride and run during the swim, or the run during the ride. I had to trust my training, and, while not going foolishly all-out, not “save myself”. If I crashed and burned in the run, tough.
- Concentrate on a higher cadence in the swim. Very happy with that.
- Spray legs with cooking spray for faster wetsuit removal – I was out of that thing like a banana from its peel LOL!
- Use mantras. “My legs are long and I ride strong” for the bike, and “I am strong and I run fast, I stay focussed on my task” for the run.
- Scarf down a few Sport beans at the start of the run and a few more at the turnaround. This was probably overkill in terms of nutrition, but I was feeling weary and flat from my stupid week.
- Thank the event marshalls. This is not only a good distraction, but also spreads the love, and you know I’m all about that!

My nephew, in his first triathlon managed the swim quite well, and hammered the ride and run. I was so happy that he had such a good day!

I've had a few comments that some people would love to do a tri one day - all I can say is find one, pay the money, and do it - what's the worst thing that could happen? Trust me, once you realise you won't lose your spot on the team for Beijing, it's all good :)

T - 2 #2

Sunday is nearly here and I forgot to taper! Bugger!
And I haven't developed a hydration strategy or visualised my transitions yet!

I'm going fully geared up this time, so I really should think about how I'm going to get out of my wetsuit and into my bike shoes, which I will be picking up this afternoon at my bike fitting, which I am having because I am so madly keen and professional (*laughs hysterically*) - actually it was included in the bike purchase and I'm all about freebies.
I'm sure 24 hours is enough time to learn how to not fall over while unclipping my pedals. In a hurry. Under race stress. (*laughs hysterically again*)
More anon, daredevils!

*UPDATE* In answer to Dante's question, my nephew is doing the shorter Brooks because his swimming isn't up to the longer distance. He and my sister decided weeks ago but didn't tell me (because I am so overbearing and tiresomely enthusiastic?). I am pleased for him because I was a bit concerned how he'd go in the water and didn't want him to be put off triathlon by a bad first experience. Now I can cheer him on (and give him a shellacking next year)!

Very fortunate person complains: world doesn't revolve around me

I’m a bit ashamed of this line of thought given that the world is a big serious place full of very bad things, and my life is a fortunate one, but it’s been niggling at me and I want it gone. So if you’re not in the mood for whingeing then come back tomorrow.

Do you ever feel as though your life is eating your dreams? That you compromise and give way and do what you have to do and make bargains with the universe (even though you know that’s stupid and you swore you’d never do it again because it only breaks something fragile inside you every time you set yourself up for inevitable disappointment) and say oh well it’s ok that I can’t do that thing that I dreamed of, so I’ll do something else, and be happy about that instead. And then something else happens, and your second-best dream can’t happen either, and gradually you move further and further away from those bright dreams that you used to hold tightly in your heart, and then you turn around one day and you can’t see them at all any more. How long can you wait and hope and plan and scheme and say ‘one day… one day…’? When this one single life you get seems to be turning into someone else’s, but you’re too tired and too sad to keep building your own dreams all by yourself so you might as well just float along with the current because it’s easier and there’s company?
Sometimes it seems that the only time I get to have my big dreams is at 5.15am when I’m sweating alone in the dark. But sometimes I don’t know if that’s space for my dreams either, or just my only space. And I need more sleep than I get. Sleep or time. What a question.
So the stories are read and the husband is cuddled and the floor has no crumbs and the toilet doesn’t smell bad and we are all fed and dressed in clean clothes and my uni reading is done. And the songs from the foreign language books and the piano and the garden and the country become fainter and fainter.
It shits me that I am feeling like this. This is PATHETIC. I was brought up better than this. I KNOW that this is a time of many commitments which I CHOSE and which are sources of great joy and challenge and will shape what happens in the future. I KNOW that there will be periods in my life when I will have lots of time to do things that inspire me, and many of the things that make me happy now will be over. To every thing there is a season etc etc. This isn’t about controlling how life turns out, or having it all, all at once. I KNOW that doesn’t happen.
Or maybe I don’t…..thanks for the lesson, life. Moving on now. The other thing I KNOW is that these feelings will pass. Don’t worry, I have plans (of course!) to keep those little flames flickering while the rest of my life steamrolls on. Just wanted to vent. Thanks for listening.

BTW thanks to Duane for reminding me that I have a triathlon to do on Sunday! My first one with Minerva! Woo Hoo!

What I did on my holidays

- had a nasty bug for 2 days & couldn't get out of bed
- ran along the river and found out how bad a truck full of dead carp can smell even at 8.00 a.m
- swam at the beach

- in my flash new togs that I got for Christmas

- went out sailing with Dad, J, Noddie and Teddy

- only drank light beer
- except at the races
- where I was invited to enter Fashions on the Field (I've never been so surprised in my life)
- I didn't win, but it was a hoot up on the catwalk!

- received a lovely compliment from a fairly young and completely sober stranger, and had my photo taken for the local paper!

more anon, return-to-workers

Hmmmm.....

I'm at Mum's with Noddie for a few days. Much to my surprise, the train trip down here was really, really fun this time. The Spousal Unit will be joining us on Friday night for a beach-and-races weekend, woo hoo!
J rang me with some wonderful news - after 10 days, Teddy has been handed in to Bunnings' lost property! The T-man is back from his "adventure" (which was where we told Noddie he'd gone). Where this leaves Noddie's new Teddy I don't know, but I'm sure there's room in her life for two special friends.

Noddie chose her accessories herself, bless her
This morning I rode some of the cycling course of the Olympic distance triathlon eeek oooh scary I'm sort of thinking of doing in March. I'll do the full circuit on Saturday now that I've worked out where I got lost LOL.
I was thinking about what a long way it was, and how big the hills were, and how hard it would be to have done one loop up that bastard hill and then have to do another one, and then run 10km after that. And how tired and far behind everyone else I would be.
And then I thought, what else would you be doing? Sitting at home growing ever more lardy? Watching, and wishing you had that kind of guts ?

Then I had some more thoughts: is this really an appropriate project for me this summer, given my other commitments? Have I built enough base fitness to just tough it out if I have to? Is my vaulting ambition o'er reaching itself?
Hmmmm.....

2007: day 1

HAPPY


NEW


YEAR!


GYGO NYD Triathlon Results:
1km Swim: 18:44
20km Ride: 59:14
5km Run: 32:36