The crew of the good Ship LBTEPA would hereby like to issue a distress call. Nothing so severe or dramatic as a "Mayday!" but seriously, We Are Lost. We are eating and drinking like combine harvesters, can't form a positive thought to save our lives and have yet to establish a workable exercise routine. Despite loving our family and new life tremendously and not regretting The Move for one minute, we are so lonely that reading our Christmas cards made us cry because we miss our friends so much. It's a pretty lame scene on the poop deck these days.
We have seen the race shirts for the Olympic Distance tri we were thinking of doing and quite frankly they're not worth the effort. We would like to point out that 'the effort' is not only 1.5km swim, 40km bike ride and 1okm run but also a 600km round trip to Melbourne, and working out what to do with Noddie since J is working. I've never been this heavy and I feel disgusting. It's a big horrid cranky mess.
Quite obviously, I need A Chart. A Chart is The Answer. It's Always The Answer. Charts lead to movement and I'm so tired of being stuck. But what should be on it? Only my five faithful readers, fountain of all wisdom that you are, can help me. What do you do on a daily/regular basis that makes life full of energy and zing and purpose and fabulousness?
More anon - when I hear back from you!
PS I didn't kill the inlaws. It all went superbly :)
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
questions
1. How was your Christmas? I hope it was fab! Ours was, and continues to flow on into the Spousal Unit's birthday celebrations today. Happy birthday J!
2. How ironic would it be if the utter boringness of that 'reflect and manifest' thingy I was doing - the one during which I identified my word for 20111 as 'connection' - had driven away all my blog reader friends? Is anyone still out there?
3. Can I finish the G@torade olympic distance tri in two weeks, under the cutoff? I have to say, it feels pretty groovy to know I could finish it no matter what, extra lard and post-surgery training slack-o-rama and all. Must find out the bike cutoff time...
4. Can I transform the house and myself into a vision of loveliness and whip up yet another rolling afternoon-into-evening feast in the next two hours, without a) getting stuck into the sherry b) bursting into tears or c) killing my inlaws?
We shall see....
More anon, revellers!
2. How ironic would it be if the utter boringness of that 'reflect and manifest' thingy I was doing - the one during which I identified my word for 20111 as 'connection' - had driven away all my blog reader friends? Is anyone still out there?
3. Can I finish the G@torade olympic distance tri in two weeks, under the cutoff? I have to say, it feels pretty groovy to know I could finish it no matter what, extra lard and post-surgery training slack-o-rama and all. Must find out the bike cutoff time...
4. Can I transform the house and myself into a vision of loveliness and whip up yet another rolling afternoon-into-evening feast in the next two hours, without a) getting stuck into the sherry b) bursting into tears or c) killing my inlaws?
We shall see....
More anon, revellers!
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Happy Christmas and all that
Best wishes for safe and peaceful holy season to all my imaginary internet friends.Ho ho ho!
Monday, December 20, 2010
Out
I'm clearly far too cranky to do something like this reflect and manifest project. I don't feel like talking about myself all the time. I'm stopping.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Prompts 17 and 18
Prompt 17: Lesson learned. What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?
The best thing I learned about myself this year is my capacity to hold onto a picture of a hopeful future. In comparison with many, we've had an easy ride this year, but, la-las that we are, we struggled. There were dark times. This may sound pretentious, but the majority of the time I lived by and modelled my values. If I didn't, I caught myself and (usually) apologised. I led my family through our winter and here we are, relatively healthy and functional, ready for a happy Christmas and a cruisy summer. Yay.
Prompt 18: Try. What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did/didn't go for it?
This is not my prompt.
I, LBTEPA, am like Yoda:
Try not, young Skywalker. Do, or do not.
I mean, I try small things, like a different cut of sk1ns (naaah) or hot water and lemon in the morning (hmmm) or a new crochet pattern. But Big Projects? I either do them or I don't, and I always know why. I wanted to do two marathons and move across the state and have three jobs and keep on with my Masters in 2010, and I did. I was often scared and full of doubt, but I had A Plan, and faith in it, and there was enough incidental enjoyment going out in the lovely countryside and communing with my sisters in Stupid Determination to make it worth the price in time and fatigue. If it hadn't been worth it or if the price had been too high I would have stopped. Not. Failed.
Next year I want to try.... ummm.... something will come to me, I'm sure! And I'll enjoy it!
What do you want to try?
The best thing I learned about myself this year is my capacity to hold onto a picture of a hopeful future. In comparison with many, we've had an easy ride this year, but, la-las that we are, we struggled. There were dark times. This may sound pretentious, but the majority of the time I lived by and modelled my values. If I didn't, I caught myself and (usually) apologised. I led my family through our winter and here we are, relatively healthy and functional, ready for a happy Christmas and a cruisy summer. Yay.
Prompt 18: Try. What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did/didn't go for it?
This is not my prompt.
I, LBTEPA, am like Yoda:
Try not, young Skywalker. Do, or do not.
I mean, I try small things, like a different cut of sk1ns (naaah) or hot water and lemon in the morning (hmmm) or a new crochet pattern. But Big Projects? I either do them or I don't, and I always know why. I wanted to do two marathons and move across the state and have three jobs and keep on with my Masters in 2010, and I did. I was often scared and full of doubt, but I had A Plan, and faith in it, and there was enough incidental enjoyment going out in the lovely countryside and communing with my sisters in Stupid Determination to make it worth the price in time and fatigue. If it hadn't been worth it or if the price had been too high I would have stopped. Not. Failed.
Next year I want to try.... ummm.... something will come to me, I'm sure! And I'll enjoy it!
What do you want to try?
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Prompt 15 and 16
Prompt 15 – 5 Minutes. Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.
Hokay....
moving, so many boxes! the horiible horrible beige house that turned into our lovely lovely house with a few tins of paint, our beautiful view, poor Jeff being so sick with pneumonia, learning to light the fire and split kindling, training for Gold Coast when it was so hard and I was so sick, finally finishing and being sooooo so relieved, behaving badly all week afterward becuase my head hurt so much sorry sorry to everyone I promise I'll do better next year, realising I had to quit one of my jobs (ahhhh the relief....) finding out my sinuses were f$%^ ed (= there was An Answer), running Melbourne Not Sick!! going sub-six, Grizzly Bear giving me his medal, my spotted blanket at the hospital , Cathy coming to visit me after the surgery, all my good friends from uni, my awesome job gosh I love it, talking to Emma on Skype, writing a million Christmas cards...aaaannnddd that's five.
Prompt 16 – Friendship. How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?
I learn something important every time I talk to my friend B. She is a profoundly insightful, hugely experienced psychologist who is not only unbelievably generous with her expertise but also hilarious and a pleasure to spend time with. Thanks B!
My comrades in Stupid Determination, Emma and Mrs W, are always inspirational to me. I'm lucky to have them in my life.
*getting all emotional*
That'll do.
Hokay....
moving, so many boxes! the horiible horrible beige house that turned into our lovely lovely house with a few tins of paint, our beautiful view, poor Jeff being so sick with pneumonia, learning to light the fire and split kindling, training for Gold Coast when it was so hard and I was so sick, finally finishing and being sooooo so relieved, behaving badly all week afterward becuase my head hurt so much sorry sorry to everyone I promise I'll do better next year, realising I had to quit one of my jobs (ahhhh the relief....) finding out my sinuses were f$%^ ed (= there was An Answer), running Melbourne Not Sick!! going sub-six, Grizzly Bear giving me his medal, my spotted blanket at the hospital , Cathy coming to visit me after the surgery, all my good friends from uni, my awesome job gosh I love it, talking to Emma on Skype, writing a million Christmas cards...aaaannnddd that's five.
Prompt 16 – Friendship. How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?
I learn something important every time I talk to my friend B. She is a profoundly insightful, hugely experienced psychologist who is not only unbelievably generous with her expertise but also hilarious and a pleasure to spend time with. Thanks B!
My comrades in Stupid Determination, Emma and Mrs W, are always inspirational to me. I'm lucky to have them in my life.
*getting all emotional*
That'll do.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Prompt 14
I decided one more OMFG who writes this stuff? prompt and I'm out of here it'll serve me right if I don't manifest anything next year won't it? but I like this one.
December 14 – Appreciate What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?
I was going to say this year I've really come to appreciate the Spousal Unit a great deal more than I have in the past - but we had a row last night and I'm a bit off him today :P
No, seriously. I can't appreciate just one thing after such a big year. I appreciate
- J
- Mum
- my friends
- the beauty of my new home
- the determination and intelligence I possess
from the bottom of my heart. I express gratitude for these things by noticing and naming them and by living my best life.
December 14 – Appreciate What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?
I was going to say this year I've really come to appreciate the Spousal Unit a great deal more than I have in the past - but we had a row last night and I'm a bit off him today :P
No, seriously. I can't appreciate just one thing after such a big year. I appreciate
- J
- Mum
- my friends
- the beauty of my new home
- the determination and intelligence I possess
from the bottom of my heart. I express gratitude for these things by noticing and naming them and by living my best life.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Prompt 13
Prompt 13 – Action. When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step?
Oooh! Oooh! I know this one:
Sorry, bloke, but it IS all about ideas. It's about having an idea and not smothering it with "OMG too hard" or "I'm too busy/old/fat to ever do that". It's about letting your dear little idea out from under "can't do it right now so there's no point thinking about it" or "even though I'd love it I wouldn't be good at it and I'm scared people might laugh"and giving it space and light to grow.
Once you've done that
Oooh! Oooh! I know this one:
Sorry, bloke, but it IS all about ideas. It's about having an idea and not smothering it with "OMG too hard" or "I'm too busy/old/fat to ever do that". It's about letting your dear little idea out from under "can't do it right now so there's no point thinking about it" or "even though I'd love it I wouldn't be good at it and I'm scared people might laugh"and giving it space and light to grow.
Once you've done that
JFDI
If you have a Big Dream, or even a big Have To, JUST DO IT. Do something. Do ANYTHING. If there's one little thing you can do to take one tiny step toward it, do that. Have an assignment coming up? Get all your stuff out and do the easiest bit. Type the title page if that's all you can stand to do. Next day, do the next easiest bit - set up the reference file, start searching for articles. Do SOMETHING. Have to fold a huge pile of washing? Pick out all the towels and do them; tell yourself you don't have to do the rest unless you feel like it (and who knows, you just might). You want to get fit and strong? Walk for five minutes today - let the dog out so you have to go and get it - or go and sit in the pool or do one situp. Then do it again tomorrow. Keep the idea in your mind and chip little bits of it away. Want to go to Venice for Carnevale? Print out some photos and stick them up, buy a book....do something.
Oh, I almost forgot the most important part. Make excuses, whine, give up, say it's too hard and you hate it and you don't know who ever had such a stupid idea.....THEN DO SOMETHING.
Oh, I almost forgot the most important part. Make excuses, whine, give up, say it's too hard and you hate it and you don't know who ever had such a stupid idea.....THEN DO SOMETHING.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Prompts 11 and 12
Reading these prompts, I am getting the sense that this is a project for someone at a different stage of life from mine.....
and I should probably have started a new blog for this too. For your convenience I'm labelling the 'prompt' posts as such. Normal programming will resume shortly and will be clearly marked!
Prompt 11 – 11 Things. What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?
The cliched answer is 11kg! One of the things I could do without is my habit of squashing tiredness and sadness with pizza and wine. There's not much else I'd prune. Most of the 'stuff' in my life is there for a reason - sentimentality, enjoyment, utility, haven't got around to shouting at the Spousal Unit to take it to the tip yet. I cull my clothes, books, linen press and shoe cupboard regularly. I'm pretty careful about not having people close to me in my life who are toxic to me. As my good friend the mighty Emma said, bugger it (or words to that effect), I'm keeping my stuff!
Prompt 12 – Body Integration. This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?
First reaction to reading this post: Huh?
Second reaction: I thought mind-body dualism went out in the 1980s.
If I really have to answer this question - and I do, becuase I said I would - I'd say the times I'm closest to just existing are when I'm in the surf. Swimming in the ocean takes all my thoughts and senses and my physical self and pummels them into an exhilarated laughing bundle that eventually lands in a happy weary heap on the shore. Swimming in the pool and riding my bike are similar.
and I should probably have started a new blog for this too. For your convenience I'm labelling the 'prompt' posts as such. Normal programming will resume shortly and will be clearly marked!
Prompt 11 – 11 Things. What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?
The cliched answer is 11kg! One of the things I could do without is my habit of squashing tiredness and sadness with pizza and wine. There's not much else I'd prune. Most of the 'stuff' in my life is there for a reason - sentimentality, enjoyment, utility, haven't got around to shouting at the Spousal Unit to take it to the tip yet. I cull my clothes, books, linen press and shoe cupboard regularly. I'm pretty careful about not having people close to me in my life who are toxic to me. As my good friend the mighty Emma said, bugger it (or words to that effect), I'm keeping my stuff!
Prompt 12 – Body Integration. This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?
First reaction to reading this post: Huh?
Second reaction: I thought mind-body dualism went out in the 1980s.
If I really have to answer this question - and I do, becuase I said I would - I'd say the times I'm closest to just existing are when I'm in the surf. Swimming in the ocean takes all my thoughts and senses and my physical self and pummels them into an exhilarated laughing bundle that eventually lands in a happy weary heap on the shore. Swimming in the pool and riding my bike are similar.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Prompt 10
Prompt 10 – Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?
Giving up my third job was the wisest decision I made. Although I liked my workmates and my office, I wasn't learning anything and it wasn't very lucrative. My family needed me at home more. It worked out beautifully. I like my home to be an oasis of order and calm hahahaha a girl can dream! The Spousal Unit is worrying less, and Noddie may possibly be less cranky and argumentative. It's difficult to tell.
Giving up my third job was the wisest decision I made. Although I liked my workmates and my office, I wasn't learning anything and it wasn't very lucrative. My family needed me at home more. It worked out beautifully. I like my home to be an oasis of order and calm hahahaha a girl can dream! The Spousal Unit is worrying less, and Noddie may possibly be less cranky and argumentative. It's difficult to tell.
Prompt 9
Prompt 9 - Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.
Par-tay number one with a bullet was the Gold Coast Marathon post-race gathering. I'd been so worried and scared and so weary and sad and I was just so f#$%ing RELIEVED to be finished and surrounded by my friends who all understood why I kept wandering around grinning like a fool saying I. am. so. f#$%ing. brave and were kind to me and made sure I had champagne. Clothes? Lots of finisher t-shirts. Food? Wedges ring a bell; there may well have have been pizza. Mmmm...pizza...Music? Bar tunes and I recall some footy (possibly both kinds) on the tv. People? Lots of tired and happy-looking skinnyfasts with varying degress of sunburn, mostly wearing medals. It was also the last time Team SD was together in all its loud fabulousness.
Drink? Oh my, yes.
Honourable mention in the party stakes goes to Noddie's circus birthday. And I didn't have to run for six hours to go to that.
Par-tay number one with a bullet was the Gold Coast Marathon post-race gathering. I'd been so worried and scared and so weary and sad and I was just so f#$%ing RELIEVED to be finished and surrounded by my friends who all understood why I kept wandering around grinning like a fool saying I. am. so. f#$%ing. brave and were kind to me and made sure I had champagne. Clothes? Lots of finisher t-shirts. Food? Wedges ring a bell; there may well have have been pizza. Mmmm...pizza...Music? Bar tunes and I recall some footy (possibly both kinds) on the tv. People? Lots of tired and happy-looking skinnyfasts with varying degress of sunburn, mostly wearing medals. It was also the last time Team SD was together in all its loud fabulousness.
Drink? Oh my, yes.Honourable mention in the party stakes goes to Noddie's circus birthday. And I didn't have to run for six hours to go to that.
Thursday, December 09, 2010
Prompt 8
December 8 prompt. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.
It was pursed lips all around at the LBTEPA think tank when our cerulean orbs alighted on the above, but we have decided that this month we're game for anything even Eat Pray Love-esque navel gazing oooh I never said that
So I asked my husband what makes me different? and he said, your spirit of adventure, your determination and your big laugh.
Would it be lazy to leave it at that?It was pursed lips all around at the LBTEPA think tank when our cerulean orbs alighted on the above, but we have decided that this month we're game for anything even Eat Pray Love-esque navel gazing oooh I never said that
So I asked my husband what makes me different? and he said, your spirit of adventure, your determination and your big laugh.
I don't like to think of myself as particularly different - I know my good qualities and I know what I
Anyway, enough of like about myself. Does thinking of my good qualities as 'different' imply judgement of others? Am I overthinking this?
WHAT MAKES ME DIFFERENT
My spirit of adventure. You ask poor Noddie - I'll make anything into an adventure - a ride on a train, a bike ride by the river, a walk, driving on a new road for the first time. I like to express that spirit in other ways as well. I wear bright colours, pretty shoes, lippy and big earrings. I try and notice small things that fill life with pleasure and interest. A marathon is an adventure, from the time you decide to do it to the day you hang up the medal. And then there are the memories...
My determination. I think about something I want to do, then what needs to be done to make it happen and whether I can be bothered putting in the work. This is a less common way of approaching things than you might think - so many people focus on all the things that get in the way of their goal, then decide it's too hard and they can't do it. Eyes on the prize, darls!
My big laugh. I do my living in public (within the bounds of appropriate behaviour of course). I laugh loudly and smile often. I try to live by my principles and to speak up when I think something is wrong. I call things how I see them, which isn't as bad as it sounds becuase I'm inclined to see the good in people. Unless I don't like them. That's a joke.
Tuesday, December 07, 2010
Prompts 6 and 7
December 6 – Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?
Apart from food which I don't really count as making becuase (for the most part) it's a chore that fills a need and I try to make the best of it, the last thing I made was a ringmaster's jacket for Noddie's circus party. I used satin-backed shantung and big gold buttons from the button box. I need to clear time for making the Christmas pudding! I've also been working on a crochet nanna rug made of super-lairy acrylic flower motifs on and off all this year shame on me. My best self would remember to pick it up more often when I'm watching tv in the evening with the Spousal Unit. There are a couple of lovely tops I want to make, but it's not lack of time that's stopping me; it's lack of energy to re-learn pattern fitting since I'm carrying this extra weight.
December 7 – Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?
I knew about the online community, especially the running and triathlon communities, before 2010. Maybe I've needed it more this year than ever before, but I've found the openness and unconditional support of my friends to be absolutely invaluable. (((((((((HUUUUGE HUGS))))))) to you all, darls!
In 2011 I want to connect more with people from my new town. We're all ok now, all pretty settled. I feel as though I have a little bit of spare energy now to make the effort.
Apart from food which I don't really count as making becuase (for the most part) it's a chore that fills a need and I try to make the best of it, the last thing I made was a ringmaster's jacket for Noddie's circus party. I used satin-backed shantung and big gold buttons from the button box. I need to clear time for making the Christmas pudding! I've also been working on a crochet nanna rug made of super-lairy acrylic flower motifs on and off all this year shame on me. My best self would remember to pick it up more often when I'm watching tv in the evening with the Spousal Unit. There are a couple of lovely tops I want to make, but it's not lack of time that's stopping me; it's lack of energy to re-learn pattern fitting since I'm carrying this extra weight.
December 7 – Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?
I knew about the online community, especially the running and triathlon communities, before 2010. Maybe I've needed it more this year than ever before, but I've found the openness and unconditional support of my friends to be absolutely invaluable. (((((((((HUUUUGE HUGS))))))) to you all, darls!
In 2011 I want to connect more with people from my new town. We're all ok now, all pretty settled. I feel as though I have a little bit of spare energy now to make the effort.
Sunday, December 05, 2010
Wonder
We at the LBTEPA theatre company hereby declare the monster dance concert week over, and a huge success! We were so proud of Noddie, dancing so well and having such a good time even when she was so very tired by the end. This afternoon the two of us are decorating the tree and the house in a lazy let's have another break shall we? sort of way. So pleasant.
I'm really looking forward to Christmas, are you? The LBTEPA copyright and legal department has registered the word "massive' to describe this past spring - marathon, surgery, exams, Noddie's birthday, the election and of course the great tapdance extravanganza of 2010 - so it's very pleasing to have ticked off the last Big Thing and settle into Christmas mode at last.
It's go big or go home at Chateau LBTEPA, as you know. Our mottos for December are if it doesn't move, put tinsel on it, and if you can see any green on the tree you haven't finished. Summer's coming too, that wonderful time when you see old men from church down the street in shorts and think how weird it is to see their knees. Christmas presents, the Christmas letter... I love it all.
Let me share one of my favourite songs with you.
So LBTEPA, you ask, how's the project going? It's interesting (to me at least!), although I'm tending to rush my answers a bit and not craft my prose as carefully as I would normally do. Possibly a symptom of reluctance to engage in a challenging activity? Or could I be manifesting my cranky anglo-saxon protestant sceptic by accident? We shall see....
Prompt 4: Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?
This is something I have been lucky enough to do all my life. I say lucky becuase my dear Mum always told us happiness is the sum of small joys. Because of this, I've been deliberate about looking for small, joyous, wonderful things, like the first plum blossoms of the spring or how the earliest sunshine transforms the spiderwebs in the grass stalks into a bed of sparkling dew-flowers. Thanks Mum!
Prompt 5: Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?
I let go of the illusions of pride and strength. I can't do "anything". I can't do "everything" either. Why? I had to! Reality smacked me until I did! It's ok, though - although I sometimes miss being bullet-proof hahahaha, I find its departure has left me much more room to really be me. Sad, small, stuck, hilarious, amazing, fabulous me.
Ooooh I must just quickly mention that on Tuesday I am showing up to the scary tri club full of scary skinnyfasts for their weekly mini-tri. 6kg extra and all, I'm going for it. Go me, eh? I'll let you know how it goes.
More anon, resumers of regular programming!
I'm really looking forward to Christmas, are you? The LBTEPA copyright and legal department has registered the word "massive' to describe this past spring - marathon, surgery, exams, Noddie's birthday, the election and of course the great tapdance extravanganza of 2010 - so it's very pleasing to have ticked off the last Big Thing and settle into Christmas mode at last.
It's go big or go home at Chateau LBTEPA, as you know. Our mottos for December are if it doesn't move, put tinsel on it, and if you can see any green on the tree you haven't finished. Summer's coming too, that wonderful time when you see old men from church down the street in shorts and think how weird it is to see their knees. Christmas presents, the Christmas letter... I love it all.
Let me share one of my favourite songs with you.
So LBTEPA, you ask, how's the project going? It's interesting (to me at least!), although I'm tending to rush my answers a bit and not craft my prose as carefully as I would normally do. Possibly a symptom of reluctance to engage in a challenging activity? Or could I be manifesting my cranky anglo-saxon protestant sceptic by accident? We shall see....
Prompt 4: Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?
This is something I have been lucky enough to do all my life. I say lucky becuase my dear Mum always told us happiness is the sum of small joys. Because of this, I've been deliberate about looking for small, joyous, wonderful things, like the first plum blossoms of the spring or how the earliest sunshine transforms the spiderwebs in the grass stalks into a bed of sparkling dew-flowers. Thanks Mum!
Prompt 5: Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?
I let go of the illusions of pride and strength. I can't do "anything". I can't do "everything" either. Why? I had to! Reality smacked me until I did! It's ok, though - although I sometimes miss being bullet-proof hahahaha, I find its departure has left me much more room to really be me. Sad, small, stuck, hilarious, amazing, fabulous me.
Ooooh I must just quickly mention that on Tuesday I am showing up to the scary tri club full of scary skinnyfasts for their weekly mini-tri. 6kg extra and all, I'm going for it. Go me, eh? I'll let you know how it goes.
More anon, resumers of regular programming!
Friday, December 03, 2010
Prompts #2 and #3
DECEMBER 2 PROMPT
What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
Lots of stuff - and no. My life isn't about writing.
But how about this?
'What do you do that interferes with you doing things that make your life rich and joyful?'. Errrr..... well, since this is all about being truthful and going to unfamiliar places in my head and in blogland.
Too much aimless faffing on the internet.
Too much unaddressed anger.
Too much wine.
Is it a coincidence that I've recently experienced major paradigm shifts with the last two of these? I'm not going into detail but I'm feeling much less helpless and stuck. Now - aimless faffing on the internet. It's sometimes functional for me, but needs to be time-limited. I need to become more discriminating between when it is functional, and the times I'm using it to avoid something. I can do that.
DECEMBER 3 PROMPT
Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail.
A digression: it's been a huge week at the LBTEPA theatre company. Noddie's tapdancing concert has involved hair practice, a photoshoot, a stop-start rehearsal and a full dress rehearsal. Her little-girl bob has been pummelled into a rock-solid stage-worthy bun with gel, pins and glitter hairspray. Her stage makeup requires nine products, half an hour and a very steady hand. The stop-start rehearsal ran an hour overtime, on a school night. In the car on the way home I asked Noddie, did you have a good time? She replied, oh, Mummy, it was fantastic times a thousand- no, it was fantastic times infinity!
I know what she means. I know that moment when life is distilled into the important and the wonderful and the unbelievable. I know it well. I'm so happy for Noddie that she knows that feeling. If it means she can smile so wide and be so excited and sound so thrilled and joyful, I'll bloody well conquer stage hair, and stage makeup, and even fear-of-scary-dance-Mums if I have to.
More anon, toe-tappers!
What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
Lots of stuff - and no. My life isn't about writing.
But how about this?
'What do you do that interferes with you doing things that make your life rich and joyful?'. Errrr..... well, since this is all about being truthful and going to unfamiliar places in my head and in blogland.
Too much aimless faffing on the internet.
Too much unaddressed anger.
Too much wine.
Is it a coincidence that I've recently experienced major paradigm shifts with the last two of these? I'm not going into detail but I'm feeling much less helpless and stuck. Now - aimless faffing on the internet. It's sometimes functional for me, but needs to be time-limited. I need to become more discriminating between when it is functional, and the times I'm using it to avoid something. I can do that.
DECEMBER 3 PROMPT
Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail.
A digression: it's been a huge week at the LBTEPA theatre company. Noddie's tapdancing concert has involved hair practice, a photoshoot, a stop-start rehearsal and a full dress rehearsal. Her little-girl bob has been pummelled into a rock-solid stage-worthy bun with gel, pins and glitter hairspray. Her stage makeup requires nine products, half an hour and a very steady hand. The stop-start rehearsal ran an hour overtime, on a school night. In the car on the way home I asked Noddie, did you have a good time? She replied, oh, Mummy, it was fantastic times a thousand- no, it was fantastic times infinity!
I know what she means. I know that moment when life is distilled into the important and the wonderful and the unbelievable. I know it well. I'm so happy for Noddie that she knows that feeling. If it means she can smile so wide and be so excited and sound so thrilled and joyful, I'll bloody well conquer stage hair, and stage makeup, and even fear-of-scary-dance-Mums if I have to.
More anon, toe-tappers!
Thursday, December 02, 2010
Reflect and manifest
I've half-heartedly signed up for this. Accordning to the good souls who've come up with this idea, the idea is to use the daily prompts
"to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next. The end of the year is an opportunity to reflect on what's happened, and to send out reverberations for the year ahead".
As you know, reflecting is very much the LBTEPA Way (ooooh...shiny!); however, as a cranky Anglo-Saxon Protestant I regard "manifesting" with suspicion, with pursed lips and preferably from a considerable distance. But nothing ventured, nothing gained, a change is as good as a holiday etc etc blah blah blah. Here we go.
December 1 One Word.
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
First reaction: whoa! Difficult! The words that came to mind for 2010 are "hard" "lonely" "struggle" - stuff like that. Oh. Says something, doesn't it? But is this something LBTEPA wishes to share with the universe? Hmmmm...
Upon reflection I'd use a phrase rather than a single word: Dreams come true. But dreams have a price, and we've paid and we still pay. It's been a good bargain; we don't begrudge it! But it's been much harder than we expected. That's all.
The word I would like 2011 to embody is CONNECTION. Loneliness can be paralysing but it won't go away by itself. I want to actively seek connections, to make new friends and to reinforce old friendships. I want - no, I am going to - resist the impusle to withdraw.
That'll do for today.
You have a good one, eh?
"to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next. The end of the year is an opportunity to reflect on what's happened, and to send out reverberations for the year ahead".
As you know, reflecting is very much the LBTEPA Way (ooooh...shiny!); however, as a cranky Anglo-Saxon Protestant I regard "manifesting" with suspicion, with pursed lips and preferably from a considerable distance. But nothing ventured, nothing gained, a change is as good as a holiday etc etc blah blah blah. Here we go.
December 1 One Word.
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
First reaction: whoa! Difficult! The words that came to mind for 2010 are "hard" "lonely" "struggle" - stuff like that. Oh. Says something, doesn't it? But is this something LBTEPA wishes to share with the universe? Hmmmm...
Upon reflection I'd use a phrase rather than a single word: Dreams come true. But dreams have a price, and we've paid and we still pay. It's been a good bargain; we don't begrudge it! But it's been much harder than we expected. That's all.
The word I would like 2011 to embody is CONNECTION. Loneliness can be paralysing but it won't go away by itself. I want to actively seek connections, to make new friends and to reinforce old friendships. I want - no, I am going to - resist the impusle to withdraw.
That'll do for today.
You have a good one, eh?
Wednesday, December 01, 2010
You win
1. Decide it's been far too long since I went swimming (six months. I know. Shocking). Pack stuff for an early workout.
2. Fail to set alarm
3. Sleep in.
4. Work, cook, eat dinner. Say goodnight to Noddie.
5. Go to pool.
6. Discover that swim passes expire six months after purchase. Oh, yes, said the perky chick at the counter, a lot of people didn't know that. omfgIsaidtomyselfyou'refuggnjokin
7. I don't take my purse to the pool. Go home. Get money. Go back to pool.
8. Fill in lengthy form to get new swim pass.
9. Pool closes in twenty-five minutes. Decide to have a swim anyway. Mmmm...... swimming..........
10. Start to strip off. Poolie tells me pool closes in ten minutes. omfgIsaidtomyselfyou'refuggnjokin
11. Find out they can't reinstate a swim onto my pass, only leave a note on a file that I'm owed a visit. omfgIsaidtomyselfyou'refuggnjokin
12. Go home.
13. Sulk.
You win, infuriating pool people. FOR NOW.
I'll be back.....
More anon, crosspatches!
2. Fail to set alarm
3. Sleep in.
4. Work, cook, eat dinner. Say goodnight to Noddie.
5. Go to pool.
6. Discover that swim passes expire six months after purchase. Oh, yes, said the perky chick at the counter, a lot of people didn't know that. omfgIsaidtomyselfyou'refuggnjokin
7. I don't take my purse to the pool. Go home. Get money. Go back to pool.
8. Fill in lengthy form to get new swim pass.
9. Pool closes in twenty-five minutes. Decide to have a swim anyway. Mmmm...... swimming..........
10. Start to strip off. Poolie tells me pool closes in ten minutes. omfgIsaidtomyselfyou'refuggnjokin
11. Find out they can't reinstate a swim onto my pass, only leave a note on a file that I'm owed a visit. omfgIsaidtomyselfyou'refuggnjokin
12. Go home.
13. Sulk.
You win, infuriating pool people. FOR NOW.
I'll be back.....More anon, crosspatches!
Sunday, November 28, 2010
What I think
Here speaketh the mighty LBTEPA!
1. There is no justification for being rude, especially to people who are working for low or no wages. Making the excuse "they were rude to me so they deserve me to be rude back" is
a) lame
b) based on the assumption that nothing should ever happen to you that you don't like
c) illogical: you think their behaviour is unacceptable so you then deliberately engage in it yourself
d) not setting a good example. This is something to which we should all aspire
Everyone is rude sometimes - we are tired, stressed, hungover, whatever; we over-react. We do or say things our best selves wouldn't. What happens next is the important part. Don't smother your remorse with anger (= blaming the other person). Be sorry, and if you can, say sorry. If you can't, then learn from it, resolve to respond more appropriately next time, and move on.
2. If you don't want to look after your health by exercising regularly, participating in an event, or watching your diet, that's ok. Same if your circumstances are currently such that you genuinely can't. But don't bullshit about it. Don't say "I could never do that" or "my knees won't take it" or "I don't have time". Plenty of super-busy people fit exercise into their lives. Plenty of people with dodgy joints exercise and do endurance sports. They are patient and careful and do their core work and physio and stretching. They do what they have to do to get what they want.
That's the point. They want it. You don't have to want what other people want. But please, do your soul a favour and be truthful. Say "I don't like exercising, it gets me all sweaty and I've had all my health checks", or "with all the other stuff I'm doing, I just don't have any spare energy to think about losing weight right now", or even "I admire what you're doing but it's not my cup of tea". Have your own life. Be deliberate in your choices. Try and let go of that evil word "should".
Here endeth the lecture.
More anon, great sages!
1. There is no justification for being rude, especially to people who are working for low or no wages. Making the excuse "they were rude to me so they deserve me to be rude back" isa) lame
b) based on the assumption that nothing should ever happen to you that you don't like
c) illogical: you think their behaviour is unacceptable so you then deliberately engage in it yourself
d) not setting a good example. This is something to which we should all aspire
Everyone is rude sometimes - we are tired, stressed, hungover, whatever; we over-react. We do or say things our best selves wouldn't. What happens next is the important part. Don't smother your remorse with anger (= blaming the other person). Be sorry, and if you can, say sorry. If you can't, then learn from it, resolve to respond more appropriately next time, and move on.
2. If you don't want to look after your health by exercising regularly, participating in an event, or watching your diet, that's ok. Same if your circumstances are currently such that you genuinely can't. But don't bullshit about it. Don't say "I could never do that" or "my knees won't take it" or "I don't have time". Plenty of super-busy people fit exercise into their lives. Plenty of people with dodgy joints exercise and do endurance sports. They are patient and careful and do their core work and physio and stretching. They do what they have to do to get what they want.
That's the point. They want it. You don't have to want what other people want. But please, do your soul a favour and be truthful. Say "I don't like exercising, it gets me all sweaty and I've had all my health checks", or "with all the other stuff I'm doing, I just don't have any spare energy to think about losing weight right now", or even "I admire what you're doing but it's not my cup of tea". Have your own life. Be deliberate in your choices. Try and let go of that evil word "should".
Here endeth the lecture.
More anon, great sages!
Monday, November 22, 2010
Uncharted waters
I'm baaaaaaack! This is not me. This is my beautiful circus assistantHow have you been? Oh my but I've been having fun since last we talked! When I'm on top of my game (when my iron and thyroid levels are behaving themselves), I looove that surfing-the-wave, can-I-pull-it-off?-I-bet-I-can! feeling. I love planning great things and getting them done by the skin of my teeth. I love kismet delivering the missing piece to make the good the greatest, and I love charming everyone into believing in the vision so they'll help me and make it even better.It was Noddie's circus birthday party on the weekend, and that was how it went.
This is me, and my other beautiful circus assistantIn other news:
I've managed to survive a visit from the inlaws, Noddie's birthday, including a long-wished for and well-hidden DSi, two uni placement reports, three-colour jelly, two birthday cakes, remembering how to work my sewing machine (to make my ringmaster's costume), an emergency trip to the vet with our old dog (she's fine) and a circus party for nine seven year olds including juggling, hula-hoops, a death-defying trampoline, a terrifying high wire (made of the a-frame and a couple of bits of wood).
Next day my sister's dog tried to bite my Mum's elderly jack russel, and I spent a couple of hours in casualty getting cleaned up and a tetanus shot to remind me that little dogs have extremely sharp teeth. I couldn't ditch the usual wife/mum/work gig, alas (joking!) and I've been slowly, gradually, impatiently building up the daily workouts to a level where they're not a leaden slog - and, one hopes, some of the Lard O' Distracted Over-Indulgence starts to shift. Apart from the Small Bitey Dog Incident, it's all been ever so ace. I've fallen into a (temporary) pleasantly satisfied heap now it's all finished.Which brings us to the present. I have a Chart! Oooh it's a lovely chart. Lots of Smartening-Up and Doing Stuff Properly stuff (see: shifting Lard O'Distracted Over-Indulgence). Lots of pacing myself, lots of rest. Blogging twice a week to keep myself honest and keep in touch with the outside world. It has many other splendidly tickable boxes designed to rebuild the fun life of healthy habits, self-discipline and fitness that I accidentally lost in the move last summer. I can't find the old one - I've looked everywhere! -so I'm making a new one.
More anon, manic grinners!
I'm sure the sugar high will wear off soon....
Friday, November 12, 2010
Good
I would just like to say THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU IRON TABLETS.
I'm alive again. I'm tired again, not joy-crushingly weary.
The sun is shining in my head again.
I can unclench my jaw. I can make a list. I can be happy, imperfect and fallible at the same time.
I can smile all the way through.
It feels good.
I'm alive again. I'm tired again, not joy-crushingly weary.
The sun is shining in my head again.
I can unclench my jaw. I can make a list. I can be happy, imperfect and fallible at the same time.
I can smile all the way through.
It feels good.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Have a good day
I have to get through this 'didn't get up to swim + still no lard gone (after Four Whole Days, can you believe it?) = feeling (at 7 a.m.) of my life is an EPIC FAIL, why do I bother I'm such a loser yuckiness.
No. I will get through it. I will make my lunch, pack my gym gear, wipe the kitchen so my Mum isn't too traumatised by the squalor when she brings Noddie home from swimming this afternoon, take Noddie to school, drive to work through the lovely countryside and HAVE A GOOD DAY. I will.
You have a good day too.
More anon, travellers
No. I will get through it. I will make my lunch, pack my gym gear, wipe the kitchen so my Mum isn't too traumatised by the squalor when she brings Noddie home from swimming this afternoon, take Noddie to school, drive to work through the lovely countryside and HAVE A GOOD DAY. I will.
You have a good day too.
More anon, travellers
Thursday, November 04, 2010
back to the surface
You know those action movies where the hero jumps off a boat or a wharf into deeeeeeeeeeeep water, usually in a hail of hot lead or massive fireball and you think Oh no! but then you think, he's the hero, this isn't a Cohen brothers movie is it? no, we'll be right then....s/he'll be ok.... and then there's a cutaway shot to the villain going bwahahaha! or the empty silent night sky.... and you think, is this one of those movies? oh I do hope not....and then - if you're watching it on tv - there's an ad break during which you maintain a faint sense of anxiety intermingled with confidence in your understanding of this genre ..... and then.....WHOOOSH!!! up from the dark dark scary water pops the hero, gasping and puffing and looking ever so relieved to be back in the lovely lovely real air and real life and if not quite safety at least not certain disaster....and of course the villain has got bored and wandered off to plot further nefariousness and doesn't notice this miraculous escape ... and serves him/her right I say, the bounder.
You know those movies?
I think I've been in one of those these last few weeks, without actually realising. Just this last few days, though, I feel as though I've made it back up through the murky water to the surface at last, back into reality and light.
Learn from my mistakes, young grasshoppers.
I seriously thought that (in the space of three weeks) I'd be able to manage
- a marathon - did I tell you I did a marathon not long ago? And smacked down a 20 min PB? Oh, I did? Would you like me to tell you about it again?
- fairly comprehensive surgery (the surgeon's phrase) on the inside of my face eww in Melbourne five days later
- my job, which is pretty intense at the best of times, let alone when I'm a bit had it
- my final exams for the year, again in Melbourne
- and my inlaws selling their house and buying one about 15 minutes from here aarrgghh.
This has not been a doddle. It really hasn't. I don't know why I imagined it would be - the downside of being an optimist I suppose! I'm in a bit of pain a fair bit of the time, which is unpleasant, and I've been feeling generally flat and dismal. I saw the surgeon today and apparently everything is normal normal normal = good good good. It's time to get stuff back in my life that I've been missing. Like exercise, and not smothering tiredness and sadness and pain with food. Gotta stop that. I might still give the 'stress sherbies' a hammering from time to time, but I'm already feeling better now I've stopped giving the 'stress bikkies and dip' and the 'stress second helpings and desserts' a pasting. I will have the life I want. I will reverse this slide.
where we go in our boat
what we did on Cup Day
Tonight before I go to bed I'm going to lay out my running stuff for the morning. It'll be just like old times.
More anon, fascinators!
You know those movies?
I think I've been in one of those these last few weeks, without actually realising. Just this last few days, though, I feel as though I've made it back up through the murky water to the surface at last, back into reality and light.
Learn from my mistakes, young grasshoppers.
I seriously thought that (in the space of three weeks) I'd be able to manage
- a marathon - did I tell you I did a marathon not long ago? And smacked down a 20 min PB? Oh, I did? Would you like me to tell you about it again?
- fairly comprehensive surgery (the surgeon's phrase) on the inside of my face eww in Melbourne five days later
- my job, which is pretty intense at the best of times, let alone when I'm a bit had it
- my final exams for the year, again in Melbourne
- and my inlaws selling their house and buying one about 15 minutes from here aarrgghh.
This has not been a doddle. It really hasn't. I don't know why I imagined it would be - the downside of being an optimist I suppose! I'm in a bit of pain a fair bit of the time, which is unpleasant, and I've been feeling generally flat and dismal. I saw the surgeon today and apparently everything is normal normal normal = good good good. It's time to get stuff back in my life that I've been missing. Like exercise, and not smothering tiredness and sadness and pain with food. Gotta stop that. I might still give the 'stress sherbies' a hammering from time to time, but I'm already feeling better now I've stopped giving the 'stress bikkies and dip' and the 'stress second helpings and desserts' a pasting. I will have the life I want. I will reverse this slide.
In the meantime, just so you know that I know that I have a really good life and nothing serious to complain about:
"our" beach 
where we go in our boat
what we did on Cup Day
More anon, fascinators!
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Sometimes you just have to.
Whinge bitch this sucks grizzle moan complain whine it's not fair bleat sigh sook waah meh whinge bitch this sucks grizzle moan complain whine it's not fair bleat sigh sook waah meh whinge bitch this sucks grizzle moan complain whine it's not fair bleat sigh sook waah meh whinge bitch this sucks grizzle moan complain whine it's not fair bleat sigh sook waah meh whinge bitch this sucks grizzle moan complain whine it's not fair bleat sigh sook waah mehMmmmmahhhhhh. That feels better. Onward!!
More anon, enthusiastic embracers of all life's coruscating facets!*
*sorry, I got a bit carried away there. You wouldn't embrace a facet. That's just silly. It'd be all knobbly. I really just wanted to write the word 'coruscating'. It's fun to say, too....coruscating...
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
how to be super-awesome
...aka almost-midnight ravings from a person who habitually retires at 10.00pm. You Have Been Warned. LBTEPA Uncensored. Oooh!
Still here? Well don't blame me then. It's all good fun until the police come.
You know what? There is no LBTEPA 2.0 and never will be. No new beginnings or remakes - who would dare play me? Like the chips, there's only the Original, and Best! Your Beautiful Life, my cherubs, is a big gorgeous mosaic of stuff. Cool stuff, sad stuff, hard stuff, joyful stuff. It needs the dark colours so the bright ones sparkle more. Every single thing that happens to you is a valuable piece.
Now don't tell me - this is different! This is important , this is SERIOUS. You've got out of your exercise routine, forgotten all your 'lifestyle changes', (heaven forbid) gained some weight? Everything you worked so hard for is completely gone. You're a FAILURE. You obviously didn't work hard enough. Hard to take, but you're up for it. You'll wear the blame and plan the changes so this time time you'll get it right. You'll fix everything and finally be your best self.
At this stage I will recommend a brilliant book you may like, called "Screw Inner Beauty".
However, in the meantime:
Dearhearts - you've not 'fallen'. You don't have to 'start again'. YOU ARE PERFECT HOW YOU ARE. Life is a series of phases. Different things demand our attention at different times, and sometimes we make specific decisions about what we're going to focus on but sometimes we don't. How would it be if one day the tidal wave receded and you just went, crikey, I haven't (exercised/tracked food/rung any friends/crocheted/been out to dinner with my sweetie) for months.... I like having those things in my life, better get back around to them? If you're prone to self-criticism, blame and loathing, better put some time aside for that too. Oh look, it's "feel crap about myself for not being perfect" o'clock, good I was wondering when I'd get time to fit that in. If that's your pattern, then that's your pattern. Since you're the hopeful, hardworking, competent, brave, kind, FABULOUS person that you are (you might not know it, but trust Aunty LBTEPA on this), everything you think/feel/do is by definition FINE. QED. Are you following me? Just have those pesky "unacceptable" feelings if that's what your mind does. Easier said than done of course, but much less tiring than determinedly NOT having them, which in a way IS having them, if you see what I mean. Then get on with what you want to do.
Now this is heresy in some circles I know, but I'm up late and on the tear. Sometimes your priorities are elsewhere than your body shape/size. That's normal and ok (see above QED). Seeing as I am laying down the law here (it's well past my bedtime but I'm a bit scared to go to sleep becuase that's when my face hurts the most. Silly, but there you go. Do stop interrupting me when I'm philosophising) you know what else I say? F$%# "should". I "should" lose some weight. Yeah well you know what? My priorities are keeping J, Noddie and myself healthy and happy, learning my job and passing uni. There may well come a time when I am willing to devote lots of thought and energy to dropping a few kgs. Not now though. And you know what? I'm fabulous no matter what priority I give my weight. And so, my darlings, are you.
I think I'll go to bed now and finish this in the morning.
More anon, incuding:
how happiness is the sum of small joys
being continually cognisant of your blessings
whose goals are they anyway?
what you are good at will tell you how to get what you want
Watch out who you hang around with (in the nicest possible way). This is a bit of Trap for Young Players blessed with fabulosu friends. Just because you think that person is Super Awesome doesn't mean her goals should be your goals, or that her way will work for you. Even if you want it to.
IT'S ALL RIGHT TO WANT WHAT YOU WANT, JUST BECAUSE YOU WANT IT.
No, really more anon this time.
:D
Still here? Well don't blame me then. It's all good fun until the police come.
You know what? There is no LBTEPA 2.0 and never will be. No new beginnings or remakes - who would dare play me? Like the chips, there's only the Original, and Best! Your Beautiful Life, my cherubs, is a big gorgeous mosaic of stuff. Cool stuff, sad stuff, hard stuff, joyful stuff. It needs the dark colours so the bright ones sparkle more. Every single thing that happens to you is a valuable piece.
Now don't tell me - this is different! This is important , this is SERIOUS. You've got out of your exercise routine, forgotten all your 'lifestyle changes', (heaven forbid) gained some weight? Everything you worked so hard for is completely gone. You're a FAILURE. You obviously didn't work hard enough. Hard to take, but you're up for it. You'll wear the blame and plan the changes so this time time you'll get it right. You'll fix everything and finally be your best self.
At this stage I will recommend a brilliant book you may like, called "Screw Inner Beauty".
However, in the meantime:
Dearhearts - you've not 'fallen'. You don't have to 'start again'. YOU ARE PERFECT HOW YOU ARE. Life is a series of phases. Different things demand our attention at different times, and sometimes we make specific decisions about what we're going to focus on but sometimes we don't. How would it be if one day the tidal wave receded and you just went, crikey, I haven't (exercised/tracked food/rung any friends/crocheted/been out to dinner with my sweetie) for months.... I like having those things in my life, better get back around to them? If you're prone to self-criticism, blame and loathing, better put some time aside for that too. Oh look, it's "feel crap about myself for not being perfect" o'clock, good I was wondering when I'd get time to fit that in. If that's your pattern, then that's your pattern. Since you're the hopeful, hardworking, competent, brave, kind, FABULOUS person that you are (you might not know it, but trust Aunty LBTEPA on this), everything you think/feel/do is by definition FINE. QED. Are you following me? Just have those pesky "unacceptable" feelings if that's what your mind does. Easier said than done of course, but much less tiring than determinedly NOT having them, which in a way IS having them, if you see what I mean. Then get on with what you want to do.
Now this is heresy in some circles I know, but I'm up late and on the tear. Sometimes your priorities are elsewhere than your body shape/size. That's normal and ok (see above QED). Seeing as I am laying down the law here (it's well past my bedtime but I'm a bit scared to go to sleep becuase that's when my face hurts the most. Silly, but there you go. Do stop interrupting me when I'm philosophising) you know what else I say? F$%# "should". I "should" lose some weight. Yeah well you know what? My priorities are keeping J, Noddie and myself healthy and happy, learning my job and passing uni. There may well come a time when I am willing to devote lots of thought and energy to dropping a few kgs. Not now though. And you know what? I'm fabulous no matter what priority I give my weight. And so, my darlings, are you.
I think I'll go to bed now and finish this in the morning.
More anon, incuding:
how happiness is the sum of small joys
being continually cognisant of your blessings
whose goals are they anyway?
what you are good at will tell you how to get what you want
Watch out who you hang around with (in the nicest possible way). This is a bit of Trap for Young Players blessed with fabulosu friends. Just because you think that person is Super Awesome doesn't mean her goals should be your goals, or that her way will work for you. Even if you want it to.
IT'S ALL RIGHT TO WANT WHAT YOU WANT, JUST BECAUSE YOU WANT IT.
No, really more anon this time.
:D
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Smiling, very carefully
Turbinectomy, septoplasty, polypectomy, functional endoscopic sinus surgery. My sinuses will never be the same again. THANK GOODNESS. Nor will the ears of the staff in the recovery room, I gather. Yes, I was The Patient Who Wouldn't Shut Up. I'm sorry. The surgeon said I'll have heaps more energy now. When she heard that, my Mum said she's moving away.
My face hurts. I'm going back to bed. No strenuous exercise for three weeks. I can take that.
More anon.
My face hurts. I'm going back to bed. No strenuous exercise for three weeks. I can take that.
More anon.Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Now The Plan Is This
Now the emotion, dehydration, sunburn and chafing (b0dyglide works much better when you actually apply it) are starting to fade, it's time to do a proper race report.
I want to start by saying something a bit controversial. You don't have to believe in your goals or be able to imagine yourself succeeding at your Big Dream. These are great techniques for lots of people, of course, but I am living proof that Acting As If is another way to chase your dreams. My goal of a sub-6 hour marathon is very modest by most standards, but I couldn't begin to imagine myself achieving it. However, I trained As If I believed i could do it, and I raced As If I could do it. And I did do it!
The Big Day really began on Saturday when I came down from Bairnsdale on the bus. Let me tell you, three hours on an express bus when you're hydrating in anticipation of a warm-weather marathon is a challenge in itself! It was a pleasure to catch up with all the CRs at the pasta dinner - so many people who'd all worked very hard to achieve their goals, whether that was sub-3 (well done BigKev and Jeffer!), sub-6, making the cutoff or simply to finish a run uninjured. I was fortunate to be the guest of my dear friend Mrs Wombat. I don't know how I slept so well - but the last hour before the alarm went off was packed solid with crazy dreams of sleeping in, lost 1pods and missing shoes.
4.30am arrived all too soon at Chez Wombat. A quick cuppa and some toast and we were on our way. I don't know if it was nerves or something less suited to after-dinner reading but I needed more loo stops than normal - thank goodness for the squillions of facilities at the MCG - and barely made the start. I crossed the mat at 7.03. It already felt very warm and humid so I was glad I had my water bottle belt. Enouth details, LBTEPA~! I hear you cry. What of The Plan? I'm a slow learner for sure but am finally starting to work out what works for me. Watching the clock stresses me out, but I needed some way of planning my pacing so I didn't get too over-enthusiastic and run out of legs at the end. I like to run with music, so The Plan Was This: run two songs and walk one for 27km, then run three songs and walk one for the last 15. Drink every walk break and have a gel every hour. Don't laugh! As a wise friend said to me, when you doubt yourself and those 'not good enough' demons start circling, remember they're running their marathons, and you're running yours. Mine was going well. I enjoyed St Kilda Road, especially chatting to amazing brave Theresa (who I met at Run Melbourne and was doing her first marathon in honour of her late father) and funny Dave from Minyip in the Superman t-shirt and terry-towelling hat. It was nice to get around the corner and feel some breeze. The winners were zooming past as I headed down Fitzroy St - how amazing they are! I stuck to my plan and kept running and walking and drinking and listening to my music (a carefully-selected playlist exactly 7 hours long). There were lots of spectators at Albert Park because the course intersected with the half-marathoners. I could have done without the half runner cannoning straight into the back of me but no harm done, and it was great fun to high-five all the little kids, they were so excited.
The sun came out as we headed down the beach (cue sinister music dun dun DAH). It started to get hot (hello Captain Obvious) so I tweaked The Plan I can do that you know - at every walk break I drank, and poured water on my head and neck. Luckily the sports drinks at the water stations were blue, so the great Oh Crap Was That Gatorade? head-cooling mishap of GCM '10 was not repeated! I felt like shifting gears a bit at 25km but held back becuase it was hot and I still had a long way to go. I just wanted to get back to the shade of St Kilda Road and the gardens, really, but I trusted The Plan and stayed slow. It was a bit irritating to be chivvied off the road by motorcyle cops an hour before the off-road cutoff so the street-sweepers could clean up, but in a way it was a blessing because we were in the shade on the footpath. I kept trying to remember that anger is tiring and a luxury I couldn't afford.
I was very happy to get through the crowds on the footpath at the tram terminus on Fitzroy St - and even happier at how I was still able to steam up the hill. Could there be something in consistent training and not racing sick? Wow! Who knew? The lovely Baz, friendly CR and superfast marathoner, was working the water station at the top of the hill. They didn't have any water except the sachets and my hands were too tired/stipid/unco to open them, but Baz was good enough to fill my bottle for me. It was such a relief to get around the corner and out of the sun. Then the lovely blogger Paul appeared on his bike! So good to have the company and encouragement mate - and to finally meet a real live imaginary internet friend! It was a real boost and I appreciated it.
It was getting a bit hard to hold the three songs (especially Wagner, OMG I was SO OVER the seventy-five pretend endings to ride of the Valkyries) but I kept at it, and enjoyed my walks very much. Most of the km markers were gone so I didn't know how far we had to go, but that was ok becuase I couldn't do any sums in my head and freak myself out. This is a bit naughty but I was rather pleased to finally overtake a woman I knew - she'd been way ahead of me along the beach; the fact that I caught her was a validation of my determination to be patient patient patient - I would run my marathon and they could run theirs. Stay calm, stay hydrated and fueled, stay as cool as possible. Run three songs, walk one. We were well into the off-road time zone so we had a lot of kerbs and intersection to manage. We didn't have to stop many times for traffic lights and I was very careful not to trip. My feet were getting weary, they didn't want to step up and down! How happy I was to see the Arts Centre - I knew there was just a quick trip around the Shrine hahahahaha it's actually a Pig of a Hill for a Very Slow Marathoner and a couple more km to go. I'd Planned to walk all the way up the Shrine hill and that's what I did. There wasn't any water at any of the few stations that hadn't been packed up (please note I waS AN HOUR AHEAD OF THE CUTOFF that is so f$%^ing appalling) so I filled up my bottle from the bubblers.
Little did I know I was about to move from the off-road zone (rather rudely referred to as the "missed cutoff" route: I prefer the term 'thorough', myself) to the Freak Out Zone. As I said before, I hadn't Dared to Dream about a sub-six or anything like that. It's been a long difficult winter in many ways and I didn't need the risk of disappointment. But secretly, secretly, I wanted it so much. With 9km to go I glanced at my watch to see if it was gel o'clock yet.....and realised that, if I held on the The Plan like grim death, I could do it! Unfortunately this happened at the bottom of the big hill that The Plan said I had to walk up. I went as fast as I could but was consumed by worry that The Secret Dream would be lost just as I'd caught sight of it. It was time for drastic measures. After my last gel, I took off my watch and put it in the pocket of my water belt. For the last 8km, the Plan was to Trust the Plan.
If you'll excuse the colloquialism, bugger me but my legs were hurting. Luckily I was up to 'S" on the Playlist O' Fabulousness, so Pink got me going down St Kilda Road for the last time. So what if my legs are about to fall off? I am a rock star!
Now this is about when things turned into a...errr... I'm really trying to be as positive as possible so should probably choose a term other than clusterf#$%. But accuracy is important. You see, I'd rung the organiser's office earlier in the week to check that the off-road course was THE SAME AS LAS YEAR, and was assured that indeed it was. Needless to say I was disconcerted to directed down a hill I'd already run - I protested that I'd already been around the park, but the marshall was adamant. This was the way - not the long straight way past the post-race party where my friends were waiting. He was certain. Off I went down the hill, reminding myself again that anger was a luxury I didn't have energy for. It was hard to keep running when I was so worried we were sent the wrong way but I listened to my music and ignored the increasing cries of "enough!" from my by now very painful legs. Once we crossed Swan St things became even more concerning. I coudn't see any marshals so I backtracked (#$%!&$!) twenty metres or so to ask the people manning the road closure barriers. Up the Tennis Centre STAIRS? Are you SURE? There didn't seem anywhere else it made sense to go so up the sixty or so steep steps I went. Still there were no marshalls. I was running on adrenalin, yelling at people, where's the finish? To the right? ok. Through a gate and up a laneway? ok. If that's where the finish is, that's where I'm going. Part of me was livid that we were sent such a bullsh#$ way when we'd been out so long, there was no way they'd have sent the skinnyfasts this route. Another part of me was frantically wondering what time it was; the rest was just keeping on going until I somehow found the finish. I've run the railway tunnel bridge many times before but it's never been as high or as steep. I was just yelling at people where's the finish, which way to the finish? I must have looked demented, because I was. Mate -where's the finish, do you know which way the finish is? I just wanted get out of this nightmare blur of people and not knowing where I was supposed to be going. DOWN THE STAIRS? This had to be wrong but it was where people were pinting me and I had nowhere else to go. The marshall told me to hang a sharp right through some manky uneven gravel and past a couple of bins and then I was finally finally on Batman Avenue and only a couple of hundred yards from the gate. I wanted to die, I wanted to lie down and cry, I wanted that to stop running so much.... into the MCG I ran. What time was it? I could see the clock under the big screen. It was 12.57. I was going to get my sub-six!! The temptation to just stop and walk it in was never so strong, but I'd come so far and I was going to hurt myself just a little bit longer, keep going just to see if I could. I started to cry as I came up to the line. I never knew I could run like that. I'm so happy just thinking about it.
I'm not going to dwell on how gutted I was to not even offered an apology in lieu of a medal or the fact that we were misdirected onto a course that was 300m short. I spoke to the course director today; he was livid about the marshall who just left at the end of her shift without briefing her repleacment, who apparently couldn't read a map either. I have communicated all my concerns to the race organisers and will resend the email before MM11 in the hope that this can become a Great Race for all competitors.
What I am going to focus on is the >99% of Very Slow Marathon #3 that was wonderful - getting to do all my long runs through the bush, the beautiful network of support from CR, and of course the privelege of being friends with my dear brave Mrs Wombat, who finished in 6.57 with a sprained and bleeding hand from a fall at 16km.
It was harder this year, and not just becuase of being hot and lost and worried. It was harder but it was better becuase I'm working out the best way for me to go after my Big Dreams. If you have a Big Dream, please, please GO FOR IT - even if you can't believe it will ever happen. Becuase if I can, you can - and take it from me, it's more worth the struggle than you can possibly imagine. I might be a source of mirth to friends and loved ones as I get in and out of chairs and have no access to anything below my knees, but I haven't stopped smiling or taken off my medal.
In a way I never will.
More anon.
I want to start by saying something a bit controversial. You don't have to believe in your goals or be able to imagine yourself succeeding at your Big Dream. These are great techniques for lots of people, of course, but I am living proof that Acting As If is another way to chase your dreams. My goal of a sub-6 hour marathon is very modest by most standards, but I couldn't begin to imagine myself achieving it. However, I trained As If I believed i could do it, and I raced As If I could do it. And I did do it!
The Big Day really began on Saturday when I came down from Bairnsdale on the bus. Let me tell you, three hours on an express bus when you're hydrating in anticipation of a warm-weather marathon is a challenge in itself! It was a pleasure to catch up with all the CRs at the pasta dinner - so many people who'd all worked very hard to achieve their goals, whether that was sub-3 (well done BigKev and Jeffer!), sub-6, making the cutoff or simply to finish a run uninjured. I was fortunate to be the guest of my dear friend Mrs Wombat. I don't know how I slept so well - but the last hour before the alarm went off was packed solid with crazy dreams of sleeping in, lost 1pods and missing shoes.
4.30am arrived all too soon at Chez Wombat. A quick cuppa and some toast and we were on our way. I don't know if it was nerves or something less suited to after-dinner reading but I needed more loo stops than normal - thank goodness for the squillions of facilities at the MCG - and barely made the start. I crossed the mat at 7.03. It already felt very warm and humid so I was glad I had my water bottle belt. Enouth details, LBTEPA~! I hear you cry. What of The Plan? I'm a slow learner for sure but am finally starting to work out what works for me. Watching the clock stresses me out, but I needed some way of planning my pacing so I didn't get too over-enthusiastic and run out of legs at the end. I like to run with music, so The Plan Was This: run two songs and walk one for 27km, then run three songs and walk one for the last 15. Drink every walk break and have a gel every hour. Don't laugh! As a wise friend said to me, when you doubt yourself and those 'not good enough' demons start circling, remember they're running their marathons, and you're running yours. Mine was going well. I enjoyed St Kilda Road, especially chatting to amazing brave Theresa (who I met at Run Melbourne and was doing her first marathon in honour of her late father) and funny Dave from Minyip in the Superman t-shirt and terry-towelling hat. It was nice to get around the corner and feel some breeze. The winners were zooming past as I headed down Fitzroy St - how amazing they are! I stuck to my plan and kept running and walking and drinking and listening to my music (a carefully-selected playlist exactly 7 hours long). There were lots of spectators at Albert Park because the course intersected with the half-marathoners. I could have done without the half runner cannoning straight into the back of me but no harm done, and it was great fun to high-five all the little kids, they were so excited.
The sun came out as we headed down the beach (cue sinister music dun dun DAH). It started to get hot (hello Captain Obvious) so I tweaked The Plan I can do that you know - at every walk break I drank, and poured water on my head and neck. Luckily the sports drinks at the water stations were blue, so the great Oh Crap Was That Gatorade? head-cooling mishap of GCM '10 was not repeated! I felt like shifting gears a bit at 25km but held back becuase it was hot and I still had a long way to go. I just wanted to get back to the shade of St Kilda Road and the gardens, really, but I trusted The Plan and stayed slow. It was a bit irritating to be chivvied off the road by motorcyle cops an hour before the off-road cutoff so the street-sweepers could clean up, but in a way it was a blessing because we were in the shade on the footpath. I kept trying to remember that anger is tiring and a luxury I couldn't afford.
I was very happy to get through the crowds on the footpath at the tram terminus on Fitzroy St - and even happier at how I was still able to steam up the hill. Could there be something in consistent training and not racing sick? Wow! Who knew? The lovely Baz, friendly CR and superfast marathoner, was working the water station at the top of the hill. They didn't have any water except the sachets and my hands were too tired/stipid/unco to open them, but Baz was good enough to fill my bottle for me. It was such a relief to get around the corner and out of the sun. Then the lovely blogger Paul appeared on his bike! So good to have the company and encouragement mate - and to finally meet a real live imaginary internet friend! It was a real boost and I appreciated it.
It was getting a bit hard to hold the three songs (especially Wagner, OMG I was SO OVER the seventy-five pretend endings to ride of the Valkyries) but I kept at it, and enjoyed my walks very much. Most of the km markers were gone so I didn't know how far we had to go, but that was ok becuase I couldn't do any sums in my head and freak myself out. This is a bit naughty but I was rather pleased to finally overtake a woman I knew - she'd been way ahead of me along the beach; the fact that I caught her was a validation of my determination to be patient patient patient - I would run my marathon and they could run theirs. Stay calm, stay hydrated and fueled, stay as cool as possible. Run three songs, walk one. We were well into the off-road time zone so we had a lot of kerbs and intersection to manage. We didn't have to stop many times for traffic lights and I was very careful not to trip. My feet were getting weary, they didn't want to step up and down! How happy I was to see the Arts Centre - I knew there was just a quick trip around the Shrine hahahahaha it's actually a Pig of a Hill for a Very Slow Marathoner and a couple more km to go. I'd Planned to walk all the way up the Shrine hill and that's what I did. There wasn't any water at any of the few stations that hadn't been packed up (please note I waS AN HOUR AHEAD OF THE CUTOFF that is so f$%^ing appalling) so I filled up my bottle from the bubblers.
Little did I know I was about to move from the off-road zone (rather rudely referred to as the "missed cutoff" route: I prefer the term 'thorough', myself) to the Freak Out Zone. As I said before, I hadn't Dared to Dream about a sub-six or anything like that. It's been a long difficult winter in many ways and I didn't need the risk of disappointment. But secretly, secretly, I wanted it so much. With 9km to go I glanced at my watch to see if it was gel o'clock yet.....and realised that, if I held on the The Plan like grim death, I could do it! Unfortunately this happened at the bottom of the big hill that The Plan said I had to walk up. I went as fast as I could but was consumed by worry that The Secret Dream would be lost just as I'd caught sight of it. It was time for drastic measures. After my last gel, I took off my watch and put it in the pocket of my water belt. For the last 8km, the Plan was to Trust the Plan.
If you'll excuse the colloquialism, bugger me but my legs were hurting. Luckily I was up to 'S" on the Playlist O' Fabulousness, so Pink got me going down St Kilda Road for the last time. So what if my legs are about to fall off? I am a rock star!
Now this is about when things turned into a...errr... I'm really trying to be as positive as possible so should probably choose a term other than clusterf#$%. But accuracy is important. You see, I'd rung the organiser's office earlier in the week to check that the off-road course was THE SAME AS LAS YEAR, and was assured that indeed it was. Needless to say I was disconcerted to directed down a hill I'd already run - I protested that I'd already been around the park, but the marshall was adamant. This was the way - not the long straight way past the post-race party where my friends were waiting. He was certain. Off I went down the hill, reminding myself again that anger was a luxury I didn't have energy for. It was hard to keep running when I was so worried we were sent the wrong way but I listened to my music and ignored the increasing cries of "enough!" from my by now very painful legs. Once we crossed Swan St things became even more concerning. I coudn't see any marshals so I backtracked (#$%!&$!) twenty metres or so to ask the people manning the road closure barriers. Up the Tennis Centre STAIRS? Are you SURE? There didn't seem anywhere else it made sense to go so up the sixty or so steep steps I went. Still there were no marshalls. I was running on adrenalin, yelling at people, where's the finish? To the right? ok. Through a gate and up a laneway? ok. If that's where the finish is, that's where I'm going. Part of me was livid that we were sent such a bullsh#$ way when we'd been out so long, there was no way they'd have sent the skinnyfasts this route. Another part of me was frantically wondering what time it was; the rest was just keeping on going until I somehow found the finish. I've run the railway tunnel bridge many times before but it's never been as high or as steep. I was just yelling at people where's the finish, which way to the finish? I must have looked demented, because I was. Mate -where's the finish, do you know which way the finish is? I just wanted get out of this nightmare blur of people and not knowing where I was supposed to be going. DOWN THE STAIRS? This had to be wrong but it was where people were pinting me and I had nowhere else to go. The marshall told me to hang a sharp right through some manky uneven gravel and past a couple of bins and then I was finally finally on Batman Avenue and only a couple of hundred yards from the gate. I wanted to die, I wanted to lie down and cry, I wanted that to stop running so much.... into the MCG I ran. What time was it? I could see the clock under the big screen. It was 12.57. I was going to get my sub-six!! The temptation to just stop and walk it in was never so strong, but I'd come so far and I was going to hurt myself just a little bit longer, keep going just to see if I could. I started to cry as I came up to the line. I never knew I could run like that. I'm so happy just thinking about it.
I'm not going to dwell on how gutted I was to not even offered an apology in lieu of a medal or the fact that we were misdirected onto a course that was 300m short. I spoke to the course director today; he was livid about the marshall who just left at the end of her shift without briefing her repleacment, who apparently couldn't read a map either. I have communicated all my concerns to the race organisers and will resend the email before MM11 in the hope that this can become a Great Race for all competitors.
What I am going to focus on is the >99% of Very Slow Marathon #3 that was wonderful - getting to do all my long runs through the bush, the beautiful network of support from CR, and of course the privelege of being friends with my dear brave Mrs Wombat, who finished in 6.57 with a sprained and bleeding hand from a fall at 16km.
It was harder this year, and not just becuase of being hot and lost and worried. It was harder but it was better becuase I'm working out the best way for me to go after my Big Dreams. If you have a Big Dream, please, please GO FOR IT - even if you can't believe it will ever happen. Becuase if I can, you can - and take it from me, it's more worth the struggle than you can possibly imagine. I might be a source of mirth to friends and loved ones as I get in and out of chairs and have no access to anything below my knees, but I haven't stopped smiling or taken off my medal.
In a way I never will.More anon.
gutted
was part way through my race report now it looks as though we were misdirected to a course that wasn't the full 42.2 I am gutted
Monday, October 11, 2010
A Big Day Out
So tired. So happy.
Here's the quick post I put on coolrunning.
THE GOOD - a perfect day out despite the heat, and my first sub-6 (actually I think it's more AWESOME than good but of course I would think that)
THE BAD - shooed off Beach Rd an hour before the off-road cutoff so they could clean up, no water at all for the last 8km, no marshalls for the last bits of the off-road course, which was different from the map we were given. As I said to the woman at the organisers office, if they don't want to look after the slow runners they should make it a six-hour cutoff and be done with it.
THE UGLY - NO MEDALS FOR MARATHONERS WHO TOOK LONGER THAN 5.20. Apparently they'll post them to us. WRONG WRONG WRONG.
THE MAGNIFICENT - Grizzlybear giving me his medal when he saw how upset I was. What a wonderful, kind person. I will always be grateful for that lovely gesture and will absolutely send you mine when it arrives so you can celebrate your 3.35!. Mrs Wombat's gutsy last-minute finish with an injured hand was also magnificent, well done darl ((hugs))
I've started my race report but it'll take a while I think. It was A Big Day.
Here are some photos.
Here's the quick post I put on coolrunning.
THE GOOD - a perfect day out despite the heat, and my first sub-6 (actually I think it's more AWESOME than good but of course I would think that)
THE BAD - shooed off Beach Rd an hour before the off-road cutoff so they could clean up, no water at all for the last 8km, no marshalls for the last bits of the off-road course, which was different from the map we were given. As I said to the woman at the organisers office, if they don't want to look after the slow runners they should make it a six-hour cutoff and be done with it.
THE UGLY - NO MEDALS FOR MARATHONERS WHO TOOK LONGER THAN 5.20. Apparently they'll post them to us. WRONG WRONG WRONG.
THE MAGNIFICENT - Grizzlybear giving me his medal when he saw how upset I was. What a wonderful, kind person. I will always be grateful for that lovely gesture and will absolutely send you mine when it arrives so you can celebrate your 3.35!. Mrs Wombat's gutsy last-minute finish with an injured hand was also magnificent, well done darl ((hugs))
I've started my race report but it'll take a while I think. It was A Big Day.
Here are some photos.
A message from Noddie. 
SUB-6!!! Chip time 5.55.35!!! 
The best support crew a Very Slow Marathoner could ask for.
Mrs Wombat - one of the best friends a Stupidly Determined Marathoner could ask for.
The bling. As I said above, I am more grateful for this than I can express.
More anon, funny walkers!
SUB-6!!! Chip time 5.55.35!!! The best support crew a Very Slow Marathoner could ask for.
Mrs Wombat - one of the best friends a Stupidly Determined Marathoner could ask for.
The bling. As I said above, I am more grateful for this than I can express.
Friday, October 08, 2010
Too nervous for words
As you can see, much preparation is required for the not-average Very Slow Marathon.
As a rule I don't take painkillers during a run, but the Bastard Sinuses must be tamed one last time. 
Nothing like (ahem) "profound" thoughts to distract me from 6 hours of WHYAMIDOINGTHISWTFWASITHINKING?
As a rule I don't take painkillers during a run, but the Bastard Sinuses must be tamed one last time. 
Nothing like (ahem) "profound" thoughts to distract me from 6 hours of WHYAMIDOINGTHISWTFWASITHINKING?
I'm guessing this 'consumed by pre-marathon dread to the point of speechlessness' is normal as it's been three out of three so far. GULP.Tuesday, October 05, 2010
Who are you?
I am, among other things, a wife, mum, daughter, sister, friend, endurance athlete, Bulldogs fan and psychologist. I live in the country and love it. I miss the city.
I like making things, except food. I like to decorate my surroundings. I believe that accessorising is what separates us from the lower animals. I wear hats to the races.
I dream big. I go after scary goals because life isn't about being half-arsed. I AM NOT BEIGE.
I am teetering on the pre-marathon dread/excitement see-saw. I'm feeling very (this post has been edited because it's wrong to diss your loved ones on the internet). But I'm going to have a good day because I've decided I will.
I like making things, except food. I like to decorate my surroundings. I believe that accessorising is what separates us from the lower animals. I wear hats to the races.
I dream big. I go after scary goals because life isn't about being half-arsed. I AM NOT BEIGE.
I am teetering on the pre-marathon dread/excitement see-saw. I'm feeling very (this post has been edited because it's wrong to diss your loved ones on the internet). But I'm going to have a good day because I've decided I will.
I'm an ebay and f&ceb00k tragic and a blogger. Apparently I have 16 "followers", some of whom are clearly very shy. I'm also a comment ho (and am feeling in need of some encouragment this week).
Now, mysterious ones, tell me who YOU are!
More panic-stricken pre-marathon ramblings anon
Sunday, October 03, 2010
When small rather charming-looking birds ATTACK!
Please note: I did not fall off my bike. Or swear (Noddie was with me).
SSDD
Well firstly congratulations to my Magpie friends on the shellacking handed out by your boys to the Saints in the GF MkII. The Spousal Unit was working and I was at the races in a fab hat but I taped it so J could savour every moment of the crushing annihilation when he got home. What a good wife I am.
Secondly, OMFG THIS TIME NEXT WEEK I'LL BE DOING MY THIRD MARATHON WTF WAS I THINKING I MUST BE INSANE WHY DO I KEEP DOING THIS?
I'm going up on the train the night before to stay with my crony in Stupid Determination, the magnificent Mrs Wombat. (this post has been edited becuase it's wrong to diss your loved ones on the internet)
Secondly, OMFG THIS TIME NEXT WEEK I'LL BE DOING MY THIRD MARATHON WTF WAS I THINKING I MUST BE INSANE WHY DO I KEEP DOING THIS?I'm going up on the train the night before to stay with my crony in Stupid Determination, the magnificent Mrs Wombat. (this post has been edited becuase it's wrong to diss your loved ones on the internet)
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Put these on
So. Dr Manage-Your-Own-Symptoms astonishingly believed me about how my sinuses are trying to eat their way out of my face. I'll be doing another marathon on antibiotics.What a sentence! Another marathon means I've been lucky enough, been healthy enough, and had enough support to have two life-changing 42.2km days already. I've been inspired by kind and encouraging people, pissed off (= inspired in another way!) by others, and made lifelong friends with two awesome women.
on antibiotics means I live in a country with freely available health care and safe affordable medicines.I have to have surgery a week after the marathon means I'm lucky enough to be able to afford private health insurance, and have flexible enough work and a supportive enough family and friends to drop everything and Just Get It Done.
My last uni exam is two weeks after that means I have the ability - and the means - to pursue my vocation. You may be thinking that it would also be valuable to pursue the ability to reas a calendar, the control of my urge for instant gratification and the eradication of my insane belief that everything will work out becuase I want it to. Who am I to challenge to wisdom of my five faithful readers?
All this stuff going on makes me feel tired and sad means I am not afraid to experience any of my emotions. Sad and tired are as much part of life's rich tapestry no, I can't believe I wrote that either as thrilled and triumphant. There's plenty of room for that too.
More anon, dream-weavers!
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
POLYP
polyp pol·yp (pŏl'ĭp)
n. a usually non-malignant growth of tissue protruding from the mucous lining of an organ such as the nose, bladder or intestine, often causing obstruction.Also callled polypus
OMFG I have coral up my noseALSO
clogging up about 75% of my sinuses
significantly blocking my intake of air
increasing the likelihood of infection well blow me down with a feather who would have thought it?
AND making my face hurt most of the time
ALSO
Gone within the next six weeks. Bring on the laser! Or whatever. I don't want to know. J read the surgery info brochure and told me I really dont want to know. I knew I shouldnt have watched Little Shop of Horrors last week.
In other news, the LBTEPA dominance of the Bad Mother Awards (Letting the Side Down division) continues: after dragging Noddie to Melbourne on the train and making her hold my big sooky la-la hand while the doctor shoved things into my face ewwwwwwwwww (although I'm sure viewing the gunked-up interior of her mother's nose via a fibre-optic camera was educational), plans for an aquarium visit were, ahem, postponed in favour of buying shoes. For Noddie! She's grown over the winter! She needed them! Then she wanted salt and vinegar chips for tea and I let her have them because the train was crowded and it was a long way home.
More anon
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Memo
From: The Nasty Surprise Fairy
To: The Virus Currently Trashing LBTEPA's Upper Respiratory System
Re: Timing
Dear V
whilst I am full of admiration for the underhanded way in which you concealed your insidious infiltration under the guise of post-long-run soreness and what may or may not have been a hangover after a drawn Grand Final and Big Night Out with Old Friends I admit nothing, and even more impressed by the speed and intensity with which you have laid her low with aches, coughing and a window-rattling bark - less than 24 hours! awesome! - I would like to point out the following
- she's already done all her long runs. You may have made yesterday's 20km into a 3-hour sufferfest during which she was a close as she's ever been to ringing the Spousal Unit for a lift home, but it got done, and all the 30km+ runs are already in the bag. How many times do I have to tell you, V? They're the ones we have to mess up if we're going to turn the marathon into a Long Day Of Pain. I'd appreciate a bit more focus in future. The Gold Coast was an Epic Win for us, yes, but we cannot rest on out laurels.
- it's two weeks until race day. Two. Weeks. Since when have you ever stuck around that long? You're good, darl, but you're not that good. As a backup plan, could you let Chest Infection know we might need him to step in? In addition, I'll be talking to the Weather Fairy about some unseasonable warmth.
- I'd appreciate your thoughts on whether we need to reconsider our overall approach. LBTEPA is getting so good at Just Keeping Moving under sub-optimal conditions, it's almost creepy. In the meantime, I'll see what I can do at the sinus surgeon's office on Tuesday. I'll keep you posted.
In future, V, I would appreciate it if you could pay closer attention to these matters. I cannot manage all aspects of Project Trash 10/10 myself as I am very busy.
Regards
Nasty Surprise Fairy
Note to self: think twice before g00gle image searching "nasty surprise fairy"!!
To: The Virus Currently Trashing LBTEPA's Upper Respiratory System
Re: Timing
Dear V
whilst I am full of admiration for the underhanded way in which you concealed your insidious infiltration under the guise of post-long-run soreness and what may or may not have been a hangover after a drawn Grand Final and Big Night Out with Old Friends I admit nothing, and even more impressed by the speed and intensity with which you have laid her low with aches, coughing and a window-rattling bark - less than 24 hours! awesome! - I would like to point out the following
- she's already done all her long runs. You may have made yesterday's 20km into a 3-hour sufferfest during which she was a close as she's ever been to ringing the Spousal Unit for a lift home, but it got done, and all the 30km+ runs are already in the bag. How many times do I have to tell you, V? They're the ones we have to mess up if we're going to turn the marathon into a Long Day Of Pain. I'd appreciate a bit more focus in future. The Gold Coast was an Epic Win for us, yes, but we cannot rest on out laurels.
- it's two weeks until race day. Two. Weeks. Since when have you ever stuck around that long? You're good, darl, but you're not that good. As a backup plan, could you let Chest Infection know we might need him to step in? In addition, I'll be talking to the Weather Fairy about some unseasonable warmth.
- I'd appreciate your thoughts on whether we need to reconsider our overall approach. LBTEPA is getting so good at Just Keeping Moving under sub-optimal conditions, it's almost creepy. In the meantime, I'll see what I can do at the sinus surgeon's office on Tuesday. I'll keep you posted.
In future, V, I would appreciate it if you could pay closer attention to these matters. I cannot manage all aspects of Project Trash 10/10 myself as I am very busy.
RegardsNasty Surprise Fairy
Note to self: think twice before g00gle image searching "nasty surprise fairy"!!
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
You know what?
- laughing at a person because she is upset that her footy team lost the preliminary final THANKS UMPIRES FOR DECIDING THAT NONE OF OUR PLAYERS HAD HEADS OR BACKS is actually saying "I believe I have the right to decide what's important to you". So, wanna laugh about when my dog got run over?
- I put together a pretty decent 35km on Saturday, especially considering I had to start at 5.30am to get back in time to catch the noon train to get to Melbourne for the footy NOT THAT WE'RE EVER MENTIONING THAT AGAIN. I started out with 20 km of run two songs, walk one - and Mark, yes, when Bat out of Hell is followed by Bohemian Rhapsody then it is a bit of a struggle. Focusing on the music rather than the watch seems to be working well for me. It helps me keep in a "you do your marathon your way, I'll do mine my way" state of mind, even when annoying Perky Fast People With Friends to Run With bastards zoom by and then shout 'encouraging' remarks on the way back. Yes, lady, I AM doing well.
- I'm so lucky to do my long runs along the rail trail - it's gorgeous, of course, all paddocks and bushland and birds and views, but also becuase there are not many long straight bits, it's very easy to 'chunk'.
Home to the highway
Highway to the rail path
First and second crossroads
Two small bridges
Cross the highway and head through the paddocks
A couple of (ahem) "hills" and two more crossroads into a little town
Footbridge over the river
Up the gravel path through the scented bushes to the next crossroads
Back to the start of the rail path and home along the river track
I must mention that this route includes EIGHT Seats o' Temptation, which as an out and back makes SIXTEEN opportunities to "just have a little rest for a moment". Some days I hate them more than others is it so wrong to give the finger to an inanimate object when no-one's looking? but I've not once succumbed to their siren call. Go me, eh?
- I changed up to run 3 songs: walk 1 with 15km to go (and if you think that can't go horribly wrong you don't know my playlist. Stupid Mozart). I was surprised at how well I could sustain it. Could there be something in this consistency lark after all?
- I like The Taper. The Taper is my friend.
- It's a worry to me that I feel quietly confident about VSM#3. What can the Nasty Surprise Fairy be planning for this one?
- Even when it's abundantly clear that you're doing the Right Thing, it's hard to quit your job when everyone there is so nice.
More anon, dreamers.
- I put together a pretty decent 35km on Saturday, especially considering I had to start at 5.30am to get back in time to catch the noon train to get to Melbourne for the footy NOT THAT WE'RE EVER MENTIONING THAT AGAIN. I started out with 20 km of run two songs, walk one - and Mark, yes, when Bat out of Hell is followed by Bohemian Rhapsody then it is a bit of a struggle. Focusing on the music rather than the watch seems to be working well for me. It helps me keep in a "you do your marathon your way, I'll do mine my way" state of mind, even when annoying Perky Fast People With Friends to Run With bastards zoom by and then shout 'encouraging' remarks on the way back. Yes, lady, I AM doing well.
- I'm so lucky to do my long runs along the rail trail - it's gorgeous, of course, all paddocks and bushland and birds and views, but also becuase there are not many long straight bits, it's very easy to 'chunk'.
Home to the highway
Highway to the rail path
First and second crossroads
Two small bridges
Cross the highway and head through the paddocks
A couple of (ahem) "hills" and two more crossroads into a little townFootbridge over the river
Up the gravel path through the scented bushes to the next crossroads
Back to the start of the rail path and home along the river trackI must mention that this route includes EIGHT Seats o' Temptation, which as an out and back makes SIXTEEN opportunities to "just have a little rest for a moment". Some days I hate them more than others is it so wrong to give the finger to an inanimate object when no-one's looking? but I've not once succumbed to their siren call. Go me, eh?
- I changed up to run 3 songs: walk 1 with 15km to go (and if you think that can't go horribly wrong you don't know my playlist. Stupid Mozart). I was surprised at how well I could sustain it. Could there be something in this consistency lark after all?
- I like The Taper. The Taper is my friend.
- It's a worry to me that I feel quietly confident about VSM#3. What can the Nasty Surprise Fairy be planning for this one?
- Even when it's abundantly clear that you're doing the Right Thing, it's hard to quit your job when everyone there is so nice.
More anon, dreamers.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Rash decisions
As of four weeks from now I will only have two jobs. This is A Good Thing. I didn't wear my awesome zebra shoes becuase they would have clashed with my outfit (brown/rose tones). Never fear! I wore these very funky t-bars instead. 
Get this: since I made the decision to drop my third job, to focus on getting the Spousal Unit Properly Well again, the strange rash I've had on my shoulders has gone. Just Like That. Hmmm.
I've really reaallly worked hard on Not Stressing Out for Very Slow Marathon #3, while still putting in the kms. I just can't go back to where I was before VSM#2. When I look back at the preparation for Gold Coast, it's as though at a bad dream. I reckon I'd still have run it sick and underprepared even if I had known how horrible it would be, but that's becuase I'm a bloody-minded idiot with achievement issues. However: Never .Again. My priorities are different now too. I have to be the calm, coping organiser at home. J can do without me having lame meltdowns about my hobbies - you know,the ones I've chosen to do? If Operation VSM #3 was ever going to work, I had to find another, realistic, sustainable way to go about it. I had to suck up the fact that, under my current circumstances, setting a time goal would lead to a quick trip along the Pressure and Disappointment highway. NOT GOING THERE.
That sub-6 will have to wait. Don't laugh, I'll do it one day... This time, the only appropriate goal is to finish. Le sigh... There are benefits to Project Cruisy Marathon, though. Rolling out of bed at 5am after getting off the train at 10.30 the previous night wasn't so bad when it was just for a pleasant, easy, no-pressure run....a 33km run.....ok who am I kidding, not easy AT ALL. But a run with the sole aim of covering the required ground, no matter how long it takes, avoids the whole how-slow-was-that-km-OMG-why-am-I-such-a-lardy-loser-I-hate-this agitation/despair death spiral. I did have a Plan, of course: run two songs:walk one song, shifting to run 3 walk 1 for the last 10km, cos that's when I start to really want to get home. Note to self for next post: inflict marathon playlist on five faithful readers. J gave me a cool hat with a light in the brim, which is tremendous for those pre-dawn stumbles down unmade roads and uneven footpaths. Thanks darl!
Now where was I? Oh yes, Saturday's run. I've been struggling with a sinus thingy (yawn, so what's new?) and what with that, a big week in Melbourne and a late night, I got to the 5km mark where the rail trail starts and quite frankly wasn't feeling the love.
Sniffle! Cough! Look out! Here comes the excuse-and-justification train! Are YOU hopping on, LBTEPA? It was one of those Defining Moments. I said to myself, LBTEPA old girl, turn around by all means. You're tired. You've not been well. 10km will do for the day. Go home if you like.
But if you do, you have to drop to the half marathon on 10/10. Without this run you won't be ready. Simple as that. Choose.
Sh$*!
And off up the trail I went.
I was going to write more but just got some news about Beating the Bastard Sinuses for Ever! Yay! But it will probably involve surgery. Eww.
It was a good run though. I feel happy when I think about it.
More anon
Get this: since I made the decision to drop my third job, to focus on getting the Spousal Unit Properly Well again, the strange rash I've had on my shoulders has gone. Just Like That. Hmmm.I've really reaallly worked hard on Not Stressing Out for Very Slow Marathon #3, while still putting in the kms. I just can't go back to where I was before VSM#2. When I look back at the preparation for Gold Coast, it's as though at a bad dream. I reckon I'd still have run it sick and underprepared even if I had known how horrible it would be, but that's becuase I'm a bloody-minded idiot with achievement issues. However: Never .Again. My priorities are different now too. I have to be the calm, coping organiser at home. J can do without me having lame meltdowns about my hobbies - you know,the ones I've chosen to do? If Operation VSM #3 was ever going to work, I had to find another, realistic, sustainable way to go about it. I had to suck up the fact that, under my current circumstances, setting a time goal would lead to a quick trip along the Pressure and Disappointment highway. NOT GOING THERE.
That sub-6 will have to wait. Don't laugh, I'll do it one day... This time, the only appropriate goal is to finish. Le sigh... There are benefits to Project Cruisy Marathon, though. Rolling out of bed at 5am after getting off the train at 10.30 the previous night wasn't so bad when it was just for a pleasant, easy, no-pressure run....a 33km run.....ok who am I kidding, not easy AT ALL. But a run with the sole aim of covering the required ground, no matter how long it takes, avoids the whole how-slow-was-that-km-OMG-why-am-I-such-a-lardy-loser-I-hate-this agitation/despair death spiral. I did have a Plan, of course: run two songs:walk one song, shifting to run 3 walk 1 for the last 10km, cos that's when I start to really want to get home. Note to self for next post: inflict marathon playlist on five faithful readers. J gave me a cool hat with a light in the brim, which is tremendous for those pre-dawn stumbles down unmade roads and uneven footpaths. Thanks darl!Now where was I? Oh yes, Saturday's run. I've been struggling with a sinus thingy (yawn, so what's new?) and what with that, a big week in Melbourne and a late night, I got to the 5km mark where the rail trail starts and quite frankly wasn't feeling the love.
Sniffle! Cough! Look out! Here comes the excuse-and-justification train! Are YOU hopping on, LBTEPA? It was one of those Defining Moments. I said to myself, LBTEPA old girl, turn around by all means. You're tired. You've not been well. 10km will do for the day. Go home if you like.
But if you do, you have to drop to the half marathon on 10/10. Without this run you won't be ready. Simple as that. Choose.
Sh$*!
And off up the trail I went.
I was going to write more but just got some news about Beating the Bastard Sinuses for Ever! Yay! But it will probably involve surgery. Eww.It was a good run though. I feel happy when I think about it.
More anon
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Play On!
Since I got off the train from Melbourne on Friday at 11pm I've run 33km, made a powerpoint presentation which I didn't use because the stupid data projector wouldn't work arrgghh, gone out to dinner, been HYSTERICAL about my Bulldogs WINNING their sudden-death semi final (after I snuck out of the restaurant to check the scores just before half time and we were 30 points down, I nearly threw up with terror and hope when I got home and we were five points up with five minutes to go (for my non-Aussie Rules friends, 1 goal = 6 points = one straight kick by the Swans and All Was Lost). There may have been some less-than-seemly squealing and OMG OMG OMG WE WE WON WE WON-ing after the siren. I admit nothing), given a talk at church, taken Lara to a party, finished unpacking, done and hung 3 loads of washing so it had bloody better not rain tonight, cleaned the house of the debris of 3 days without my supervision, bought groceries and the makings of a Pippi Longstocking wig (for Lara's school dress-up day, theme 'reading'), made dinner ok ok it was nachos, you know I'm a paid-up member of the Bad Mothers' Club (Crap Cook Division), ordered new shorts and gels and done the banking online, and put together a playlist for Very Slow Marathon #3. After I put Noddie to bed I'm going to SIT DOWN AND NOT MOVE.
Tomorrow I'm resigning from one of my jobs. The Spousal Unit needs me to be around more at the moment. Something's gotta give, and it's not going to be my (or his) health.
I'm also putting the scales away until after VSM #3, and perhaps even longer. You were so right, Emma. I DO rock exactly the way I am, and I DON'T need any more demands on my resources. I certainly don't need a failure, which is what Project -4kg would be if I tried it now. I'll wear my new shoes when I see my boss in the morning.
I'm going to Melbourne again on the train for the footy on Saturday night. It'll be ugly, but I'm up for it.
More anon, faith-keepers!
Tomorrow I'm resigning from one of my jobs. The Spousal Unit needs me to be around more at the moment. Something's gotta give, and it's not going to be my (or his) health.
I'm also putting the scales away until after VSM #3, and perhaps even longer. You were so right, Emma. I DO rock exactly the way I am, and I DON'T need any more demands on my resources. I certainly don't need a failure, which is what Project -4kg would be if I tried it now. I'll wear my new shoes when I see my boss in the morning.
I'm going to Melbourne again on the train for the footy on Saturday night. It'll be ugly, but I'm up for it.
More anon, faith-keepers!
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