Sunday seven

1. Re: my last post. As my five faithful readers will attest, I am all for complaining as a rule but lately I have been getting totally bogged down in my own whingeing. I have been tangled almost to a standstill in my own doubts and pains and struggles - hence my 'ignore it and it will go away' strategy. I will keep you posted.
2. a self-limiting rehab exercise program* is mind-bending. It's really really hard not to worry all the time or to get a bit obsessed about missing a day of stretching/strength/core. Progress is excruciatingly slow and difficult to maintain a focus on. I have been able to wear wedges to work a few times though! Seriously, apart from, you know, missing Goofy and not being able to walk without pain or exercise pretty much at all for three months, yes apart from those small things, the worst thing about this injury is not being able to wear heels. I know: Me = Shallow. It's very difficult to Sweep About The Place Fabulously in flat mary janes!
3. I didn't realise how much I enjoy a nice sweaty McSweatfest mmmm cardio until I couldn't do it. I've realised that running and cycling/the bike trainer are some of the very few activities Noddie can't/won't interrupt. A marathon is 42.2km of peace and quiet.
4. I am really struggling with Noddie's behaviour at the moment. The urge to dive into the chardy to make the feelings of helplessness and anger Just Go Away is strong, but I am keeping things within civilised limits most of the time
5. I've recently read Julie and Julia and it is ruining my life. In the last week alone I have made my very first cheesecake, a successful banana cake (!!!), home-made singapore noodles with crumbed tofu and a pumpkin and prawn risotto 35 minutes of stirring, anyone?. I'm consulting Nigella almost daily. What has happened to me?
6. I think I might go a bit Steampunk this winter.I am lusting after this coat. But then again I am bidding on these (a pair of them. Not just one). My town needs me to wear these! (Really. You haven't been here).7. I want to do the Gold Coast Marathon on the first weekend of July this year. There. I said it. It's out now. I don't know whether the rehab will happen fast enough for me to rack up the ks, but that's what I want.

More anon, galloping gourmets!

*weak core muscles = wobbly hip = leg torsion = actually feeling foot tearing as I run or ride ewwww. If I don't get it right I literally cannot overdo it.

Don't say it

This was originally a completely different post about how I don't wanna (engage in any disciplined, goal oriented behaviour, basically). Be grateful my trembling finger never connected with the 'publish' button - it was a sooky la-la whingefest to horrify even the most hardened of my five faithful readers. But not on the internet = never happened. Phew!
I recently read Marshall Ulrich's book Running On Empty, which I found much more interesting and moving than I expected. In it he tells the story of a gifted young Russian mountaineer who was cut from his nation's Everest Team for commenting, once, that his hands were cold. Later in the book Ulrich comes back to the story and makes the point that the way you get strong and attain your goals is by refusing to give attention to your own moods and complaints. Focussing on what's wrong uses energy that you need for other things. Just because it's true doesn't mean you have to say it. Can't do anything about it? Ignore it - becuase option b is giving up. Mind you he ignored injuries and pain to a level that is completely bonkers and also quite dangerous, but essentially I like his thinking. Mojo schmojo. Motivation? A luxury.
I want to be strong.
I want to have lots of energy.
I want to be able to run a long way.
I want to do more marathons and triathlons and be that person everyone at work thinks is a bit odd but who has happy animated conversations about running and triathlon with other odd people.
I know what to do to get what I want. I'm writing this sitting on the verandah looking at the rain pouring down so hard I can barely see across the road, but I do know what to do.
More anon, super-soppers!

the best thing

about everyone in the family having a yucky achy sore-headed exhausted lurgi is that now I can be sure that a)I'm not just lazy with no mojo and b)it's not the chronic fatigue coming back. It's interfering with the rebuilding of my fitness, but that's temporary.
More anon - when I get the unbelievably cranky Noddie off to bad later I may indulge in some utter soppiness about the Spousal Unit, to whom I have now been happily married for 12 years and one day. He's a top bloke and I love him to bits.

up and down and up and down

Some days I'm all, ok, let's DO IT!! yeah!! and some days I'm dragging myself around like I'm made of lead, missing workouts and sleeping like a brick. This starting from (well behind) scratch thingo is haaaaaaardddd. Good thing I am PATIENT, CHEERFUL and OPTIMISTIC, yes?
Now I must stop wasting my precious last weekday off before my placement starts - SO EXCITED about that! but also very scared of how rushed I will be - and take 2 of our three computers to the shop to discuss why they have mysteriously stopped playing dvds (the pc) and working at all (the big laptop). I can't be expected to do a bike workout without anything to watch! Well really.
More anon, dazzlers!

Good stuff

- spending a WHOLE HOUR hour ON MY FEET sweating (walk/running) with NO soreness next day. There were times in January when I said to the Spousal Unit that I didn't believe I would ever run again, let alone aim for another marathon one day. I could just about cry with joy thinking about this.
- not whacking myself on the noggin with 'I used to be able to...'
- appreciating the small gains for what they are - 10 pushups at a time instead of eight! Yay!
- realising that I'd lost my purse arrgghh, remembering I'd probably left it at McDonalds when I got a coffee the day before oh no!, then finding that someone had handed it in. Yay! People are great.
- realising that I do not want to be the sort of person who rants about rude unhelpful phone companies on effbee before I did it
- working out how to close our cash passport from our holiday. I am so clever.
- getting up the nerve to ask favours from the scary exec managers of clinical services and allied health. I am so brave.
- remembering that even the ability to feel happiness is a gift that we take for granted. I AM SO LUCKY.
More anon, super-troupers!

You are getting sleepy....

It appears that here at Chateau LBTEPA we have been either bitten by tsetse flies or annoyed a wicked fairy. Since I got back on the exercise horse I could sleep for Australia, 8+ hours at night, zzzz-ing through the alarm and nana nap events included. But I'm sticking with it. Luckily I've been able to squish in workouts in the evenings. When my placements start and I'm working 5 days a week I will be renewing my relationship with 05.45 and I'm not looking forward to it. We've never got on.
So far the Great Habit Overhaul - which may be confusing to my five faithful readers since I believe I have forgotten to mention it here, apologies - has had less than stellar results. To be entirely truthful, which is of course the LBTEPA way, my birthday party on Friday was a food-and-drink fest so epic that it will be spoken of in awe-struck tones for generations. Everyone had a good time - I certainly did - but my body spent the weekend mumbling huh? what? I thought we were getting back in shape? Oh well. These things happen.
Now it's time to bite the bullet, knuckle down and give sustainable behaviour a crack. I've officially gained 10kg since I met the Spousal Unit, which while of course not diminishing my awesome fabulousness in any way, is not a trajectory that aligns with my long-term (Mad Old Lady Doing Awesome Things) plan.
Yeah yeah yeah you say, *smothering a yawn* we've heard THAT before........and you have, too. I don't know why This Time Will Be Different - and maybe it won't - but as the lovely DG's husband Dr G said, you only have two choices:
1. Try your hardest and give it a red hot go, or
2. Give up!
Has to be Choice #1 really.
I am starting to feel stronger, physically and also in terms of remembering not to mindlessly scoff food that I don't particularly want (hello after-dinner Cadbury Roses!). I'm starting to think of my core/weights sessions as just something I do rather than in a desperate/sad Must Do This It Will Fix My Foot way. I even got out the bike trainer yesterday and had a nice sweaty workout watching Normann beat Macca in 2006, but my foot is a bit niggly this morning so I might have overdone it *makes sad face*
So the year is six weeks old. My favourite thing about 2012 so far is what a good mood I'm in pretty much all the time. It makes me realise how much of the last couple of years I spent in a grit your teeth and grind your way through it state of mind. Cheerful is much nicer. Next project: make it last!
How's your year going? What have you been up to that is adding lustre to your fabulous life?
More anon, ducklings!

45 degrees

Two days from now trumpets will ring from the ramparts of Schloss LBTEPA to celebrate my forty-fifth birthday and I have to say I. Am. Not. Pleased. Forty five is such a dour-sounding number, and completely foreign to the prevailing zeitgeist of energy and optimism! Forty-five...forty-five...forty five. No. Don't care for it.
The other day I indulged in a moment of oh my gosh I'm forty-five that's MIDDLE AGED and what have I done with my life? Then I thought, what have I done with my life in the last five years?
- travelled to Vanuatu and the US
- finished 5 marathons and some half marathons
- had my ankle reconstructed, sinuses re-bored, depression and pneumonia
- finished my honours and almost finished my masters in psychology
- made the big move to the country
- stayed married to the wonderful J, done my best with my dear Noddie and made some wonderful friends
- started to establish a career in my chosen profession
When you put it like that, that's not too shabby really! Yay!
The more eagle-eyed of you will have noticed that in 2012 I AM-------------------------->
PATIENT
CHEERFUL
OPTIMISTIC
I really do need to practice these things, otherwise this rehab would be doing my head in. I do core and strength sessions on alternate days. I walk/run or swim nearly every day. The walk/run is walk for 5 minutes, run 100 steps, for 40 minutes. I 'went long' on Saturday hahahahahaha - yes a whole hour! Go me! Knowing when I've overdone things is pretty straightforward too - it only takes two or three steps with poor biomechanics (= poor core/hip control) for my foot to literally start to tear ow ow ow. Stabbing with broken glass anyone? So far there's only been one day when I've abandoned an outing and sulked home. I am patient, I am cheerful, I am optimistic......I'm off to work out how much casual birthday barbie food to buy for 25 people.
More anon, champers at the bit!

Come up to the lab, and see what's on the slab

While we were travelling I wrote some notes in the back of the Trip Diary what? you don't keep a Trip Diary? How else would I ever remember IDREAMOFJEANNIE lane in Cocoa Beach, or the letterboxes shaped like giant fish? about What I Will Do When I Get Home.
- muesli for breakfast
- core or strength workouts daily
- haven't got time to stretch, haven't got time to run
- walk/run or swim every day.
When I wrote them they were a wish list. A wow I wish I was the kind of person who could do that stuff thing. I don't mind admitting I went away feeling very down, very weak and a bit hopeless. Well no S#$& Sherlock, say my five faithful readers. I couldn't see myself as being an athlete, so the idea of doing stuff that athletes do was incomprehensible.
But over the month we were away I left that feeling behind somewhere - possibly in the Disney World gift shop with my cool sunnies. Darn it. I liked them.
By the time we left Kona - did I mention we stayed in KONA? On ALI'I DRIVE??? Squeee! - I was fired up again!
Kona is fabulous - it's an athlete's town, for sure, but a paradise for fanciers of coffee, icecream and beer as well. You should go there at once. Really.

Very good beer.

Kailua bay, full of clear warm water, coral, beautiful fish and hot blokes swimming really fast.

Now we're home, the feeling has lasted! I feel energised and optimistic. So far I've stuck to the WIWDWIGH list and I'm feeling good. I'm feeling stronger already, which is the best feeling in the world. While we were away Noddie decided she wants to be a vegetarian and I have been supporting her with that (although I eat fish); maybe that change is contributing to my happy mood? I don't know and I don't really care. I'm riding this wave while it lasts! I know this year will be busy what with finishing two placements and writing The Thesis aarrgghh but I have a feeling that it will bring lots of good things too.
I do have a Secret Crazy Goal as well (OF COURSE), but more on that later.What are YOU looking forward to this year?
More anon, lion dancers!