I am boring

Good news: my friend Ann's Dad's surgery went well and it is unlikely he will even need chemotherapy!! Hurrah!!
Bad news: my friend Sally's sister has been diagnised with leukemia so please direct your thoughts and prayers to her. She is still at high school and I gather prospects are better for younger patients, but still we are grateful that we like in a city with a major cancer treatment centre like Peter McCallum. What a terrible shock.
I'd like to begin by stating that it is extremely unlikely, near impossible, Ann actually thought any of the things that I have been upset about for the last couple of days. We had a good time together - we went into the city and walked around the river precincts; we ditched Noddie and J and went into the hills to a groovy hippy market and bought jewellery (which will NOT surprise anyone who knows me LOL). But I felt bad. With an observer ther, it seemed clear to me that I am not a very nice person when I am looking after Noddie. I don't like my tone when I am directing her to do things - she's two, I do have to direct her, but I don't like how I sound. And when we were off together by ourselves I seemed to be talking talking talking, mainly about myself. I even put the footy on the radio in the car even though Ann couldn't care less about it. I seemed selfish and self-centred. Maybe I was trying to squash 6 months of communication into one day? Stupid. Ann is single, childless, extremely well-travellled.... . she reminds me of the road not taken. I love my life - my family, my studies - but these burdens although freely and gladly undertaken are burdens nonetheless. I felt as though I was boring her to death.
Get over it, princess!! Ann didn't think anything of the kind, Noddie is a happy, pleasantly spoken child, and I am lucky to have friends, my dear Spousal Unit and the opportunity, means and ability to pursue a new career. Dwelling on one's faults is a form of self-indulgence - no supportive comments please - I know how lucky I am!
Thank goodness for running, and the Spousal Unit, who got home from working on our rental house at 6pm and urged me out the door for my long run. I don't really like running at night because I'm a bit tired after the day - Noddie and I went for a picnic at a local park today, had a great time but I've entered a half marathon on Sept 9th as a lead up to the Melbourne Marathon half in October so have to keep at it. I did't want to go and had every excuse not to prepared - and I still went. After about 40 min I thought, this is halfway - and then I thought, no, getting out the door was halfway. It was windy and spat rain from time to time and I did 1:20 which is about 13km. None of the above matters really. Life is how it it is. Being a whiner is boring. I'm counting my blessings.
I'm too scared to weigh myself though as I've snarfed down my bodyweight in white carbs AGAIN. When will I learn???

FIGJAM

At uni today the lecture was about self-enhancement - our tendency to rate ourselves as not only better than others but also better than we actually are. One very strong research finding is that it is conducive to mental health to be narcissistic!! Woo hoo!! Let's all show off, skite, bignote ourselves, be tall poppies and otherwise celebrate what we can do and have done! (Raspberry sound) to modesty!!! Let's be proud of the obstacles we have ploughed through! The courage we have shown to get off the couch and keep on working to make our lives more the way we want them!! Go us!!
(I'm sorry, the author has been detained by the society for the prevention of cruelty to exclamation marks)

TRAP FOR YOUNG PLAYERS
I forgot: swimming makes me HUNGRY. It was VERY HARD to keep my head out of the fridge, and I was not very successful (ok I was a complete failure) at refraining from shovelling gratuitous kjs into my gob. Sigh. Tomorrow I will do better. I will. It was a lovely swim. I have bought a 20-visit pass so I have to go regularly. I don't know why I forget how much I enjoy it: strange, eh?

I have to run at stupid o'clock tomorrow b/c J has changed his shifts and I'm meeting Ann in the afternoon. Noddie and I will go into the city in the train (wild excitement). There will be walking, talking, laughing and drinking in large measures across the evening. Getting up early is a small price :)

All going swimmingly

Something has happened lately – I seem to be thinking about what I want to do and how I can fit it in, rather than feeling very conscious of my limits and trying to judge what I can do. On the weekend I decided I will add two swims and two weights sessions to my running schedule, then I worked out when I’d have to do them, no problem. A light seems to have switched on – I feel calm about being able to do everything I want to. Maybe not perfectly, but still do them. I think the anxiety has dissipated because I’m doing these things because I want to, as lifestyle changes – not as preparation for some insane stretch goal. I always want to have an insane stretch goal (hmmmmmmmmmm who has achievement issues then? You say that like it’s a bad thing) but I am deliberately holding back at the moment. Life has so many other priorities. Noddie is being very clingy and diva-esque so requires a lot of time and patient repsonses (never my strong suit). Uni has started again and I really don’t want to get into that breathless hyper-zone I was in last semester. J and I have been working hard on being kind to one another while we manage fatigue and stress, but now we are enjoying just being! I think the 6 weeks of forced inactivity helped clarify things because as well as being a pain in the arse, it was a real rest. It feels strange…..but I am sure there will be other times in my life when it’s go-go-go superwoman juggling and I will love every minute of it.
I’m going swimming tomorrow. I’m really, really, really looking forward to it. I think the last time I went swimming was in March when I did the BRW corporate triathlon as a ring-in with two days’ notice. Now THAT was fun, and no time to get nervous. I’ve added swimming and weights b/c I need to build up my upper body strength – because I’ve started planning for my birthday next year. The Birthday Which Shall Not Be Named (BWSBN). I want to go away for the weekend with friends and have surfing lessons! I love the ocean and am a very good swimmer – and so I ought to be after all those years training and competing, but I’ve never learned to surf. I can picture it now….days in the waves being coached by spunky young men, evenings eating, talking, drinking champagne…. So far, friends L and M, sib 3 and S-I-L are keen; it’s early days yet. So tomorrow I’m getting up at half-past dark, and I get to smell that lovely pool smell– one of my favourite smells, along with libraries- and just swim mindlessly up and down….. mmmmmmmmmmmm

Does anyone out there know how to get rid of those stupid extra diamonds in my Links list? Try as I might I cannot see anything different about those two links. Any advice appreciated.

GOOD THINGS THAT HAPPENED TODAY
Uni was exciting, not scary. No stats this semester, yippee!!
I actually got up at half-past dark and went running instead of having to put away my laid-out clothes and be disappointed in myself for wimping out, as happens a lot.
Running in the fog was deliciously eerie and private.

TODAY AT WORK I WILL
-write the meeting agenda DONE
-answer my tricky emails DONE
-more fire stuff DONE
-Worksafe project
-audit check and emails DONE
-paperwork DONE
*I think this is is starting to work - I'm building up some momentum :)

Hooray for SparkDriver

A big shoutout to SparkDriver who ran his first 30km yesterday in spite of worries with a knee injury. SD hadn't run more than 10km in Feb this year and has since done the 15km Run for the Kids, a half-marathon and is aiming for the full marathon in October this year. He is a legend!

Had a very long trip back yesterday. Highlights included:
- very tired from staying up to watch Floyd Landis win Le Tour - my Mum is a huge fan and I got sucked in as it was SO EXCITING - so I had to have a power nap by the side of the road an hour into the trip.
- a hailstorm so intense I had to pull over under a tree and then crawl along with the other cars over the icy highway
- roadworks on the freeway which added another 40 min to the trip
- Noddie getting carsick on the freeway. It wasn't raining THAT hard and I always have a complete change of clothes for her so it wasn't TOO bad, really
- I have consumed my body weight in JUNK, marshmallows, pizza, bread, wine and I hate myself for being so up-and-down and undisciplined. It feels two faced as I can always encourage others but lately I am all over the place. It's so haaaaaaaaaaaard (don't forget I can whine for Australia if pressed)
- when I straggled in after dark. The Spousal Unit had done a magnificent job on the house - it was spotless. I was so happy I nearly cried. **** This was REALLY a highightlight. All the others I was just being sarcastic. Please concentrate.

I will be catching up with my best friend Ann this week which will be wonderful apart from the fact that she is here from Perth because her Dad has just had surgery for bowel cancer. Post-op reports are good but please send all your prayers to him and my friend's family as they wait for the pathology results.

TODAY AT WORK I WILL
rewrite s2 of the manual - STARTED
get some action on the fire training - DONE
write notes on all 6 project areas - 4/6
process all emails and paperwork - DONE
walk at lunchtime - DONE

Here's a photo of us on the way back from my 11-ish run

what a nice day

I'm probably sounding gushy, but I've been having such a nice holiday this weekend - it feels as though I've been away for a week, not 3 days.

RUN REPORT
I went out for another run this afternoon and am bursting with pleasure at how beautiful it all was. I wish I could share it with you - the bare trees, the lovely impressionist colours of the river and the paddocks, the sounds of the tractors and the footy from the oval on the other side of the water, the smells of newly cut grass and leaf mulch.....
I really tried to use my trunk muscles more - it feels as though I am leaning right back and pushing my pelvis out, but I am aware that I normally lean fairly far forward so I was probably just running upright! But I couldn't believe what a difference it made in terms of fatigue - I was out for 1hr 10 (probably about 10.5 or 11km, a fairly long run esp lately) and I felt really strong. I think this technique change will make a big difference - I hope so anyway. The Spousal Unit may not be perfect (we had a row on Thursday; I will spare you the details but it was because he is so ******** he couldn't ********* his ************* if it was ****************). But he is really a dear - I was telling him about my run today and that I felt proud of myself, and he said, Well you should be! (warm contented glow). What a nice thing to say :)
One of the nicest things about running for me is that I can completely switch off and just enjoy the scenery, the music and the effort. Is 'elemental' the word I want?

FASHION, NODDIE AND WEIGHT LOSS NEWS
Mum and I were out buying the yarn for our current wild plan - we are madly in love with the latest 'feathers' yarn because the colours are so gorgeous, but couldn't think of anything to make with it, but then came up with the idea of buying 2 balls of each beautiful shade and making a rug out of 20cm squares. It will be gaudy, snuggly and delightfully warm - just like me, eh? LOL - when on the way back to the car we stuck our noses into a clothes shop where I was utterly smitten by a black, mid-thigh length trench coat with a very faint pale flower print all over it. It's slightly stretchy so it fits beautifully.....ooooh I was in love. BUT the Spousal Unit and I have a $25 impulse buy limit (and it was a bit more than that, despite being 75% off, woooooo hooooo) so regretfully I had to leave it behind. Of course J and I agreed I should have it! This morning Noddie was a bit out of sorts so I competely forgot about the coat during our outing. It's not wrong to run beside a pusher as it hurtles down a steep hill, as long as the child thinks it's hilarious...is it? There were no injuries anyway. After lunch I hastily drove to the shop - and it was still open! The coat is mine! I am stylish! Trinny and Susannah (from What Not to Wear)would be proud of me!!

Weight news: meh.
Nuggets amongst the dross: although I had too large a helping of chinese food last night, I didn't have seconds. I haven't had any of the biscuits that Noddie found, opened (she is a resourceful child) and ate all the jam off. I've eaten light lunches b/c I know I'm prone to dinnertime scoff-fests. That will have to do.

Seriously, blog,I cannot describe to you how joyful I feel to be exerting my body in the fresh air. How I have missed it. I don't care if I'm slow. It makes me happy to run (sometimes).

big sook

I've been looking forward to running at my Mum's for days. If you turn right outside her gate and walk up the hill you get to a path which leads to an oval which leads to a nature reserve and the river path, loads of scenery, relatively sheltered, hardly any undulations. The whole circuit is about 7km. No problem, especially when you run as slowly as I do. Now I'm having a major "I don' wannnnaaaaa" moment. Dreading it, hating the idea of getting into the dri-fit and the mp3 and heading out. Sook city. What's going on? Where is the lean mean running machine (rolls on floor laughing) we knew and loved?
Well the thing is this. Up until the 8th of June, I was having a mighty old time impersonating superwoman. I was working like a maniac on essays due on June 13th and July 3rd, and a stats exam (eeek! and also arrgghh!!) on June 20th. I was also holding down my job, not a struggle as you will have noted below, but still, and spending time with the Spousal Unit and Noddie. I was also training for a half-marathon on June 18th. I hit 30+ km 3 weeks in a row (huge distances for me) and wasfeeling great. Consider my schedule here.....quite intense...but I was juggling it all like a circus artiste and feeling really buzzed that I was pulling it all together. It felt like being someone in a movie! And I was doing it!
Then on June 8th I went to the dentist for a filling, or so I thought... (cue sinister music). An hour and a half later, minus one molar which had had to be surgically extracted b/c it was fused to the bone - yes it WAS as bad as it sounds - I staggered home with 16 stitches and some really good drugs. So I couldn't run for a few days, but that was ok b/c I was tapering for the race. Anyway, getting to the point, I couldn't run my half marathon b/c the tooth had been fused to the bone beneath the sinus and the wound wasn't sufficiently healed. I was shattered - it seemed as though despite all my best efforts the universe had snuck up behind me and sandbagged me. But after sulking madly for a day or so I sucked it up and got on with things, kept working on my uni stuf etc etc. Then the day I planned to hand in my last essay I was so sick I couldn't even go to the doctor - the raging flu had pounced! I'm pretty much better now, but still a bit tentative about "overdoing things". This makes me mad! I'm (mumble), not 80 years old! But I just feel as though my mojo has evaporated. I've lost that gung-ho, go for it feeling.
Ok, blog - this afternoon I WILL put on my gear. I WILL go around the track, whether I decide to walk/run or run all the way. I will not give in to the inner la-la crybaby sookypants. I will listen to Willie Nelson singing "On the Road Again" on my mp3 and I WILL HAVE FUN goddammit. Actually, that might be a bit of an ask but I WILL RUN.
Stay tuned for either whining- or tiresomely triumphant-update.

GOAL UPDATE
No wine - CHECK (only because Mum didn't have any when I arrived last night
Portion sizes - does it count that I only ate half my Red Rooster chips with my Lite Baguette?

RUN REPORT
Even my mp3 was telling me to lighten up LOL. the first songs were
much too young to feel this damn old
I will survive
Yesterday's hero
I'm so excited
hurts so good
I was laughing so much by the time I'd listened to all that that I was over my pity party and my mojo was back
This rebuilding phase will give me the chance to address some form issues I've been thinking about esp the fact that I need to be more upright to involve my core muscles when I run.
BTW 7km/49 min - that's ok for me. I'm pleased

adventures for Noddie and me

Noddie (2 and a half) has lost front-garden priveleges after she tore off up the street and hid in someone's yard instead of getting into the car so we could zoom off to her carer's and then to work. I was speechless and helpless - chasing her would make it a game, leaving her to come back on her own would put her at risk of being hit by all the other cars heading to work. Luckily she popped out of her hiding place before I had apoplexy, so I could threaten her with driving away without her, which made her burst into tears and run back down the hill. Ah, parenthood. Guilt in a curly-haired package. Thank goodness toddlers have the memory retention of a sandfly so she won't be permanently scarred by her adventure LOL.
She was probably a bit over-excited because we were packing the car so I can drive to Mum's straight after work tonight for a long weekend. I work the first part of the week and uni doesn't start again until next week, and J is working so I'm off on my own! Yippeee! The Spousal Unit will bring Noddie into work for the "handover" and we will take straight off, and get there about 9pm (it's 300km). I don't often get to drive as J is quite old-fashioned about that sort of thing, so I'm looking forward to a night drive into the country!
I've packed my running gear so I can go out on the river path near Mum's place. Bliss!
*you will notice I've just worked out how to work the "bold" function*
Holiday things to look forward to
- shopping with Mum. Why is it I hate shopping near home but away is ok?
- going out for coffee
- sitting around reading, knitting, listening to the footy on the radio - except when Mum has the horse racing on
- running in a beautiful setting
- singing and dancing to Playschool with Noddie and Mum. Mum was a kinder teacher for many years so she gets right into it :)
- going for walks with Noddie. This is what she did last time we were there

GOAL UPDATE
(I nearly typed "goad update" - how apt, eh?)
No wine - CHECK
No carb-fest - well, less of one than Monday, so CHECK
Portion sizes - CHECK
Rang estate agent. No tenants yet but plenty of enquiries and I'm keeping the agent on his toes (a long story, but a GOOD THING) - CHECK

TODAY I WILL - see you at 5pm :P
Respond to emails and clean out folders - this took ages since I have been neglecting it but CHECK
Make the calls I need to do - CHECK
Revise 2 sections of manual - I am clearly avoiding this!
Email about project 1 - CHECK
GOOD THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED TODAY
Noddie didn't get run over.
We were dancing and pretending to be leaves
The traffic was miraculous - we left 15 minutes late, thanks to Noddie's adventure, and I got to work on time!

JFDI

This post is to elaborate on my goals. Exactly what do I want this blog to help me achieve?
1. lose the last 7kg. At the moment I've just started a new plan - for one month I will not drink at home unless J opens a bottle - without my suggesting it! Doesn't sound like much but little by little will get me there.
2. run at least 2 half marathons this year. The real goal is get fit enough to be able to run for 2 hours once a week. Next year I want to do a marathon. I might think about some triathlons this summer but they're not really on my radar at the moment.
3. organise our money so we can invest AND save. Once our investment property is rented out (soon, please, soon!) we will have a better picture of our actual incomings/outgoings and I can start acting on the investment plans I have been making. This all sounds as though I read the Fin Review for breakfast but I am a total nuffy at these things and am just learning. I just think it's important to have a plan (no, really?)
4. Become more productive at work.

At this stage uni isn't something I need help to get motivated with - but I am sure this blog will hear a lot of whining as the year progresses :)

So. Here are some short term actions (b/c that's all I can cope with) which WILL get me a step closer to my goals
1. Stick to the limited-wine plan. Watch portion sizes. Work on avoiding the 'after work carb-fest' (even rice crackers mount up)
2. Suck up the fact that my fitness has plummetted due to the great tooth disaster and the flu (no really, I was so sick I couldn't get out of bed to go to the DR and am still not 100%). This week I will aim for 2 x 40 min run as I'll be at Mum's for the weekend. For the next 3 weeks I will aim for 3 x 40 min run and 2 x weights.
3. Get FY06 tax organised. I will also ring the estate agent about the rental house.


4. This will be unutterably tedious to read, but I am so unmotivated at work and have so little supervision that I need to write down what I intend to do in a day and then come back at 5pm and say whether I've done it. Seriously, it's that bad. I feel ashamed and stagnant and a bit mad at my boss for not noticing that I have done bugger all for 6 months and now find it almost impossible to shrug off the crippling inertia of sloth. So, blog, you can help me JFDI (just do it). See you at 5pm
TODAY I WILL
- do all of my paperwork - DONE
- review the OH&S DVD - DONE
- revise 2 sections of the manual - NOT DONE :( I am so slack.
TOMORROW I WILL DO BETTER

I don't plan that posts will always be this long, BTW - today is my planning session.
GOOD THINGS THAT HAPPENED TODAY
Listening to the birds' 'dawn chorus' as I thoroughly enjoyed an extra 10 minutes in bed
That big sweety J noticed I'd left my bag in the car he was taking to work & brought it inside (he leaves before I do), so I had my purse, my phone, my diary - bless him :)
Noddie told me I was her best friend (awwww....teddy is also her best friend but I think there's room for more than one)

this feels a bit strange.....

10 reasons for starting this blog
1. I like to write but need a reason
2. It might make it easier to keep up with friends (?)
3. I have plans, BIG PLANS, mwahahaha that need a place to be written down (see point 7)so I am more likely to achieve them
4. because I can plan
5. and work out ways to overcome pitfalls and obstacles
6. and celebrate successes, big and small
7. Goals: lose the last 7kg, run some more half-marathons and eventually a full marathon (quakes at knees), organise our money so we can invest and save, be more productive at work
8. I love my husband and my daughter and I want a place to write about our lives together (WARNING: HIGH CUTE CHILD CONTENT!)
9. I admire and am inspired by many bloggers
10. Maybe I'll make some new friends!