What I think

Here speaketh the mighty LBTEPA!
1. There is no justification for being rude, especially to people who are working for low or no wages. Making the excuse "they were rude to me so they deserve me to be rude back" is
a) lame
b) based on the assumption that nothing should ever happen to you that you don't like
c) illogical: you think their behaviour is unacceptable so you then deliberately engage in it yourself
d) not setting a good example. This is something to which we should all aspire
Everyone is rude sometimes - we are tired, stressed, hungover, whatever; we over-react. We do or say things our best selves wouldn't. What happens next is the important part. Don't smother your remorse with anger (= blaming the other person). Be sorry, and if you can, say sorry. If you can't, then learn from it, resolve to respond more appropriately next time, and move on.
2. If you don't want to look after your health by exercising regularly, participating in an event, or watching your diet, that's ok. Same if your circumstances are currently such that you genuinely can't. But don't bullshit about it. Don't say "I could never do that" or "my knees won't take it" or "I don't have time". Plenty of super-busy people fit exercise into their lives. Plenty of people with dodgy joints exercise and do endurance sports. They are patient and careful and do their core work and physio and stretching. They do what they have to do to get what they want.
That's the point. They want it. You don't have to want what other people want. But please, do your soul a favour and be truthful. Say "I don't like exercising, it gets me all sweaty and I've had all my health checks", or "with all the other stuff I'm doing, I just don't have any spare energy to think about losing weight right now", or even "I admire what you're doing but it's not my cup of tea". Have your own life. Be deliberate in your choices. Try and let go of that evil word "should".
Here endeth the lecture.
More anon, great sages!

Uncharted waters

I'm baaaaaaack! This is not me. This is my beautiful circus assistant
How have you been? Oh my but I've been having fun since last we talked! When I'm on top of my game (when my iron and thyroid levels are behaving themselves), I looove that surfing-the-wave, can-I-pull-it-off?-I-bet-I-can! feeling. I love planning great things and getting them done by the skin of my teeth. I love kismet delivering the missing piece to make the good the greatest, and I love charming everyone into believing in the vision so they'll help me and make it even better.It was Noddie's circus birthday party on the weekend, and that was how it went. This is me, and my other beautiful circus assistant
In other news:
I've managed to survive a visit from the inlaws, Noddie's birthday, including a long-wished for and well-hidden DSi, two uni placement reports, three-colour jelly, two birthday cakes, remembering how to work my sewing machine (to make my ringmaster's costume), an emergency trip to the vet with our old dog (she's fine) and a circus party for nine seven year olds including juggling, hula-hoops, a death-defying trampoline, a terrifying high wire (made of the a-frame and a couple of bits of wood). Next day my sister's dog tried to bite my Mum's elderly jack russel, and I spent a couple of hours in casualty getting cleaned up and a tetanus shot to remind me that little dogs have extremely sharp teeth. I couldn't ditch the usual wife/mum/work gig, alas (joking!) and I've been slowly, gradually, impatiently building up the daily workouts to a level where they're not a leaden slog - and, one hopes, some of the Lard O' Distracted Over-Indulgence starts to shift. Apart from the Small Bitey Dog Incident, it's all been ever so ace. I've fallen into a (temporary) pleasantly satisfied heap now it's all finished.
Which brings us to the present. I have a Chart! Oooh it's a lovely chart. Lots of Smartening-Up and Doing Stuff Properly stuff (see: shifting Lard O'Distracted Over-Indulgence). Lots of pacing myself, lots of rest. Blogging twice a week to keep myself honest and keep in touch with the outside world. It has many other splendidly tickable boxes designed to rebuild the fun life of healthy habits, self-discipline and fitness that I accidentally lost in the move last summer. I can't find the old one - I've looked everywhere! -so I'm making a new one.
More anon, manic grinners!
I'm sure the sugar high will wear off soon....

Good

I would just like to say THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU IRON TABLETS.
I'm alive again. I'm tired again, not joy-crushingly weary.
The sun is shining in my head again.
I can unclench my jaw. I can make a list. I can be happy, imperfect and fallible at the same time.
I can smile all the way through.
It feels good.

Remember.

Be peaceful.

Have a good day

I have to get through this 'didn't get up to swim + still no lard gone (after Four Whole Days, can you believe it?) = feeling (at 7 a.m.) of my life is an EPIC FAIL, why do I bother I'm such a loser yuckiness.
No. I will get through it. I will make my lunch, pack my gym gear, wipe the kitchen so my Mum isn't too traumatised by the squalor when she brings Noddie home from swimming this afternoon, take Noddie to school, drive to work through the lovely countryside and HAVE A GOOD DAY. I will.
You have a good day too.
More anon, travellers

back to the surface

You know those action movies where the hero jumps off a boat or a wharf into deeeeeeeeeeeep water, usually in a hail of hot lead or massive fireball and you think Oh no! but then you think, he's the hero, this isn't a Cohen brothers movie is it? no, we'll be right then....s/he'll be ok.... and then there's a cutaway shot to the villain going bwahahaha! or the empty silent night sky.... and you think, is this one of those movies? oh I do hope not....and then - if you're watching it on tv - there's an ad break during which you maintain a faint sense of anxiety intermingled with confidence in your understanding of this genre ..... and then.....WHOOOSH!!! up from the dark dark scary water pops the hero, gasping and puffing and looking ever so relieved to be back in the lovely lovely real air and real life and if not quite safety at least not certain disaster....and of course the villain has got bored and wandered off to plot further nefariousness and doesn't notice this miraculous escape ... and serves him/her right I say, the bounder.
You know those movies?
I think I've been in one of those these last few weeks, without actually realising. Just this last few days, though, I feel as though I've made it back up through the murky water to the surface at last, back into reality and light.
Learn from my mistakes, young grasshoppers.
I seriously thought that (in the space of three weeks) I'd be able to manage
- a marathon - did I tell you I did a marathon not long ago? And smacked down a 20 min PB? Oh, I did? Would you like me to tell you about it again?
- fairly comprehensive surgery (the surgeon's phrase) on the inside of my face eww in Melbourne five days later
- my job, which is pretty intense at the best of times, let alone when I'm a bit had it
- my final exams for the year, again in Melbourne
- and my inlaws selling their house and buying one about 15 minutes from here aarrgghh.
This has not been a doddle. It really hasn't. I don't know why I imagined it would be - the downside of being an optimist I suppose! I'm in a bit of pain a fair bit of the time, which is unpleasant, and I've been feeling generally flat and dismal. I saw the surgeon today and apparently everything is normal normal normal = good good good. It's time to get stuff back in my life that I've been missing. Like exercise, and not smothering tiredness and sadness and pain with food. Gotta stop that. I might still give the 'stress sherbies' a hammering from time to time, but I'm already feeling better now I've stopped giving the 'stress bikkies and dip' and the 'stress second helpings and desserts' a pasting. I will have the life I want. I will reverse this slide.

In the meantime, just so you know that I know that I have a really good life and nothing serious to complain about:

"our" beach where we go in our boat
what we did on Cup Day

Tonight before I go to bed I'm going to lay out my running stuff for the morning. It'll be just like old times.
More anon, fascinators!