Merrily we roll along

up to 30 min on the trainer yay
down to 95.2 this morning - MUST KEEP CONCENTRATING
so proud of myself yesterday at the house of indecisiveness (Bill's) - told them what we were having incl a tub of mixed veggies, & didn't eat any fried stuff
I CAN DO THIS
I have to do this
it's ridiculous to think I can't
I was even thinking of joining WW online - then I thought, I know what to do, really.
less fried food => being more bossy about what we eat (= sucking up that J is being infuriatingly lame lately. :(
less booze => soda water cordial first = less thirsty afterward
also mustn't drink disappointment
why is Mum being so horrid about me having nice clothes?
Happy that Emma is about to race again but also gutted :(  her 'two years injured' included two marathons!
doing hip exercises like a dervish. No stopping me!

back again

7/8/14
95.9
saw Kerry yesterday. She's given up drinking bc she prefers no tummy rolls
a good example to us all
chest pain = costochondritis from persisting in wearing bras from 15kg ago
how embarrassing
16E now bugger me
I've taken down most of my cardies and bought a couple of pretty new ones and some jeans that fit
determinedly not feeling ashamed
sort of
enjoying back on MInerva on the trainer up to 25 min now

what?

2/8/14
96.7?? F****. I feel so sad today
walk around the wetlands w/ w had to voltaren achilles afterward
hated everyone at the market who wasn't fat and could walk
20min on the bike trainer. determined to not stop in the middle go me
didn't finish the bottle :)
I bet J loses heaps of wet
it's a start
3/8/14
same weight f***f***f***f***f***f***
better start tracking food again
so hard when Jeff keeps bringing cheese and bikkies to the living room
please don't say 'just don't have any'
sinus douche
stretch
20min bike
IT'S ALL GOING TO BE OK
5/8/14
standing at work now my foot's hurting like it did in 2011 this is MESSING WITH MY HEAD
feeling trapped and terrified, what can I do when my stupid body is so fragile??
deep breath
get a grip womansheesh
you've pretty much got your health
and help
and determination
and it's a beautiful day
IT'S ALL GOING TO BE OK

it's all going to be ok

yes it is
I'll find a way out of this

Physio vist

catastrophically weak glutes = soe knees, sore back, sore achilles, sore feet
SSDD
a couple of exercises to do incessantly
calf raises and foot bcak 45degrees thingies
no running skipping minimal walking - mustn't aggravate the achilles
swimming - get this - no reason why not
shitshitshitshitshit
I could f***ing kill Bhaumic

onward!!!

off the grid

so we've gone private. I need to have my pathetic lame struggles and tiny tiny little steps toward my real life (not this lardy weak easily puffed sore pile of crap) in private not always presenting a positive face and also not expecting/appearing to want affirmation and encouragement. I'll just do this thing and then get back out there
this unutterably boring blog will be used to record the establishment of my new habits, and the shedding of my lard. 
Goal is 76kg
so
29/7
95.5
no exercise
sinus douche
didn't have a drink after the guests left
30/7
95.4
core workout and stretching
forgot balance
sinus douche
one glass of wine
bloody cheese and bikkies I need to learn to say no to J
31/7
95.6
sinus douche
balance core stretch
1 glass of wine
2 pieces pizza
1/8
95.8 bloody pizza good thing I didn't have 3