Warning! Warning!

WARNING TO MY FIVE FAITHFUL READERS: THIS POST WILL BE UTTERLY INCOMPREHENSIBLE TO WELL-ADJUSTED PERSONS
FURTHER WARNING: PHLEGM IS MENTIONED IN THIS POST
I was passing the time earlier this week coughing hoarsely, skulling paracetomol and worrying about exams and half marathons, as you do. All at once I said to myself, LBTEPA I said, what would the world be like if
- I got severe viral laryngitis too much fun, I can't even begin to describe it, and such a fun word to say, although I can't actually say it - oh the irony! NOT because I'm careless and lazy and drink too much, but because there are a lot of fearsome bugs going around our office and Noddie's school?
- and what if I was off colour for two weeks beforehand NOT because I'm always getting sick, but because I'm quite healthy and strong and it takes a really fearsome bug to topple me?
What would happen if I challenged this unhelpful and inaccurate belief that I get sick because I'm weak and incompetent? What if I understand that getting sick isn't my fault? What if I take the credit for my health-enhancing behaviours instead of blaming myself for not being bullet-proof?
Oooooh! Now there's a thought. Thanks, A.T.B. You're the best.
My five faithful readers will be happy to know that following this train of thought has resulted in my feeling better already, despite the fact that I'm wildly jealous of the Spousal Unit coughing up quantities of yellow (bacterial) gunk, not green (viral) like mine, so he gets antibiotics and I don't so I just have to suffer. DON'T SAY YOU WEREN'T WARNED.
Then I asked myself another question. I said to myself, LBTEPA I said, what do you need?
The answer popped into my head at once: I NEED A WIN.
But what is a win? What would a win look like?
A win would be making a plan, any plan, and sticking to it. That would be a win and that would make me feel happy.
Why would that make you happy?
I'd feel less at the mercy of hormones and genetics and viruses. I'd know for sure again that I can do things.
Aha! LBTEPA looks about, startled, as the booming voice of a famous mid-20th-century psychologist echoes through the room. What you want, LBTEPA, is self-efficacy!
Albert, my friend, you are right. I do. So I made a chart (insert short pause while my five faithful readers feign surprise) . If I drink 5 glasses of water, refrain from the 4pm-6pm scoff-fest and go alcohol free for five consecutive days then I get 15 little smiley stars, a big proud grin and some momentum to make other changes. Bring. It. On. I have to go and have a sleep now before I pick up Noddie from school. She's been home with croup most of the week, poor little lambie. Stay tuned, though - the next post could well be about how rediscovering crochet changed my life.
More anon, improvement-seekers!

SS, DD

Nothing to see here ladies and gentlemen. Move along please. There's only the usual stuff going on, and nothing new to say about it except that my last bleat-fest has helped me unclench my teeth somewhat. Thanks for being so nice about it. You guys are lovely.
The Official Attitude du jour at Chateau LBTEPA is as follows: I'm doing my best. What happens, happens.
So what is happening?
- exams in four weeks? Tick!
- behind with uni reading? Tick!
- half-marathons in five and six weeks? Tick!
- everlasting headcold, along with everyone else in our office and at Noddie's school? Tick!
- not ticking all the training boxes on The Chart? Tick!
- eating and drinking more than is perhaps wise considering the above? Tick!
- deciding that for the moment worrying about my diet is a bit pointless and I should just relax about carting excess lard around? Tick!
- restricting housework to essentials such as clothes washing, cooking and wiping the bathroom so we don't get horrible diseases? Tick!
BTW I was at a school thing today and Noddie's teacher mentioned Noddie's impressive vocabulary. Suddenly I felt better about doing my nut about the messy house the other day and Noddie piping up "Mummy, what's squalor"? She also knows that scurvy is a disease she will get if she doesn't eat her veggies; in addition, Mummy will have to go on a six-thirty "current affairs" show and will never be able to show her face in the suburb again.
- all cranky, all the time? Stick to what you're good at, I say! Tick!
- counting my blessings? Tick!

More anon, seekers of cheerfulness. Look! cheerful food! Mmmmmmmmm!

Mustn't grumble

....therefore I have nothing to say.

There's nothing serious going wrong. Assignment #3 has been handed in. I was happy with it, and satisfied because I didn't know I could work so hard for so long. Now there's only weekly readings and exam preparation to do. Nice.
I'm just feeling run down and headcold-y and lardy and underdone and a big fat undisciplined loser. These things happen.
The biggest struggle I am having with my 'gotta be perfect' self is that I will be racing underdone in June and July Yes, yes, yes, I know I should be used to that by now. And I know these runs are a week apart. It may seem like a stupid idea, but when the wheels started to fall off the training/sensible eating wagon and a Gold Coast PB looked less and less likely, I thought, why not do them both? Don't get all logical on me. I had a good time last year at Run Melbourne, and the Half medals are really nice!
But now as I scoff echinacea and thank the GSD for saline sinus spray, every unticked box on my chart reproaches me. Well-adjusted LBTEPA (I don't know if you've met her; she's not about that much) reminds me that under the working-and-studying-wife-and-prep-mum circumstances I should be celebrating the ticks I do manage! Clearly some part of me thinks I should be perfect and do it all, all at once, with immaculate nails, single-digit body fat and a charming grin. I thought I'd given up being stupidly hard on myself. Must. Try. Harder. (hahaha at recovered perfectionist joke, geddit?).
The Spousal Unit reckons I find having just one worry (eg exams) much more worrying than having several (eg exams and back to back half marathons). Hmmmm.
Listen to me, self-critical LBTEPA: you WILL have a good time. You WILL finish. You WILL get bling.
You haven't trained as much as you wanted, you're eating and drinking a bit unwisely and you aren't the weight you'd like to be. What's new? You have a headcold. So? What happens, happens. We are not having a repeat of last winter's self-flagellating bleatfest. Life is good. You have many blessings. Have these feelings of doubt and fear and worthlessness, if you must, but hugging them to you will not make you any lighter or faster or fitter. Have them, and then LET THEM GO. Cheer the f#$% up.
More anon, darls. Slap a smile on your dial and sing it with me!

Happy Mother's Day

Dear Mum
Thanks for coming on the walk this morning. I hope we can celebrate Mother's Day with fresh air, exercise, and cool race bling for many more years.
If I can be half as inspiring to Noddie as you are to me, she'll be lucky.Happy Mother's Day.

Onward!

One monster assigmnent has hit the psych department inbox; one more to go, only one, just one more... I can keep this up...I CAN. Who needs sleep or daylight anyway?
You know those runs you have when you're just floating along, all balanced and happy and it all feels almost effortless? Yesterday's run was NOT one of them. "Lumbering" is the most apt simile to my progress that I can generate. I seem to be getting slower and slower. Sigh. Still, it was a nice big tick on my chart - and seeing as I have Things To Do in seven weeks, eight weeks and twenty weeks, the more of those cheery little beggars I get the better, no?
Mum and Noddie and I will celebrae Mothers' Day in Ballarat this year with a walk around the lake with my sister-in-law. My nephew is ten months old so it's her first MD.Note To Self: speak to brother so he does the Right Thing ie spoils her ROTTEN.
Further Note To Self: have brother mention this to Spousal Unit.
Ok *takes deep breath* just one more hour of study today, then I can hop on my bike trainer and see if Paula Radcliffe can win the New York marathon again before I pick up Noddie from after-school care.

Ruminations

I am NOT feeling overwhelmed, stupid, slow or fearful about the two 2,000 word assignments I have to pull out of the air by Wednesday week (and let's not even mention the amount of exercise I am not doing and how soon I have two half marathons to do), no no no nononooooo I AM NOT.
I am DETERMINED, yes, determined, that's the ticket! And DILIGENT. And ORGANISED. Yes. I even have a chart. It's come to that.
More anon, ploughers-through!