WOFTAM

The visit with sports pych went extremely badly. I wanted her to hear me and she wanted to fix me.

At last

This will come as an immense relief to you, my five faithful readers, but at last I've Done Something Sensible. You know how this whole everlasting hellhole of broken has been messing with my head? Oh my word we do you murmur to yourselves, you never talk about bloody anything else sheesh but anyway, I was thinking about it all, and I thought, if my head's going to be messed with, I'd rather it was done by someone who's trained to do it for a living. I've tried to think myself out of this quagmire and I haven't been able to. I'm smart and I'm determined (and I am actually trained to mess with heads for a living) so if I can't do it by myself then it probably can't be done. Time to circle the wagons, summon the posse, call in the professionals.
I have an appointment on Friday with a sports psychologist in The Big Smoke.

more anon, synapse-extenders!

Remember this?

Remember this? I bloody do
 and it's back.
 I got sick and didn't do my exercises for a week because I couldn't move my head without it falling off, but I still kept walking in the pool (and walking Noddie to school, no good deed goes unpunished eh?) and that was enough to overload my frighteningly fragile biomechanics and inflame my plantar fascia. Welcome back, Goofy nightmare.
*sound of head exploding*
this never ends

ssdd

went to physio
usual news (not 'yay!')

Back at it

Antibiotics are working.
Slow uphill treadmill walking and alcohol-free days happening.
I'll just have to push out the end-date of Project No Try.
Have a lovely day darls

redrawing

I had a very triggering conversation with a friend yesterday. It was very upsetting, but helpful in that it led me to the following conclusion: the only way to let go of shame is to sit with how sad and sometimes frightening it is that so much (of a given situation) is out of our (my) control. 
I don't know what I'm going to do about this new understanding or where it will lead me. It feels  more peaceful. At least I don't feel ashamed any more.

More anon, groovers

Do not

The team at the LBTEPA department of Gung-ho are not their usual ebullient selves. They are crestfallen. They are taken-aback at our heroine's utter failure to maintain a positive outlook and keep at things.
At today's press conference a spokesperson issued this statement.
[LBTEPA]'s had these painful sinuses for a while and we thought it was going ok with the steroids to settle them down and help with the pain. It's not unexpected at this dusty smokey time of year. It was going well. We were using a management plan! (a murmur of mmmm, plan from the assembled group was hurriedly hushed)
Ahem
Then the sinuses got infected, which is pretty unpleasant, very painful, dizziness, fatigue, trouble breathing etc etc. LBTEPA can't get to the doctor until Friday so it's been three days of get up at night for painkillers, drag self through work day/family duties then go back to bed. Astute readers will observe that these days would be days 4-6 of Project There Is No Try. Sadly prophetic words, alas. There have been no ticks of any kind on The Chart. It has been somewhat disheartening to our heroine, and unfortunately she has stumbled at this hurdle. To be clear, she has fallen right into the why bother trying to get fit again I keep trying and nothing ever works my weight just goes up and up and I'm sick and I can't go to the gym and I'm not even allowed to walk yet this is all taking too long I'm so sad and now I've got a crappy unattractive haircut just before I have to drag my 15kg-heavier self to the school reunion and don't tell me people won't judge I give up what's the point pool and hasn't been able to get out yet.
We are hoping that antibiotics will do the trick so that the sleep and exercise can work their transformative magic. Your supportive thoughts would be appreciated at this time.

And no, I'm probably not going to try and enter this at 9am today. I thought about it.

oh heck I dunno well I do know - no!!! - but I dunno...

or should I? I dunno.... might be a Good Thing...might be the temperature talking..I just want to do something awesome again...Must. Be. Patient.....

More anon, water-treaders

Now The Plan Is This

It's time, people.
As attentive readers will recall, the LBTEPA Self-Discipline Division was moribund for some time, and re-activated only recently. Its management group has pointed out with some acerbity (and accuracy) that it's all very well to be disciplined, but at what? The LBTEPA Department of Gung-ho responded to this with an energetic righto! and the following:
Alcohol-free from now until Feb 23rd, excluding Feb 10th becuase that's my birthday and Feb 15th becuase that's my high school reunion aarrgghh. Yes, I join in battle with the old foe once again.
Exercise 30 minutes six days out of seven. Nothing for you lot but even the most basic good habits have eluded me of late.
Blog every three days about what I'm doing.
Celebrate feeling strong, fit and happy on Feb 23rd with my legions of adoring fans five faithful readers.
Once the S-D management group had fanned itself and had a nice cup of tea, it was agreed that the project would commence forthwith.

To this end, today I have been to the gym, done some weights (seated) and walked on the treadmill (fully inclined), and made a chart for the fridge. LBTEPA loves some chart action. I'll post a picture of it when it's full of lovely ticks.
Waddya reckon? Wanna join me in a three-week habit-change-fest?
More anon, sparklers!

*EDIT eeek I forgot Feb 19th OUR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY!!!