No idle threats

I never make idle threats, so I have lodged a formal complaint with the Equal Opportunity Commission against the triathlon organisers on the grounds that it is inequitable (and unlawful) to offer particular competitive conditions to men and not to women. This is not to say that all races must offer Athena and Clydesdale classes - but if you offer one then you have to offer both! It's not that difficult to follow, surely...
J kind of sighed and asked me, do you need this right now? All I could say was, once I recognised what was going on, and knew that it was wrong, and knew that there was something I could do, then I had to do it. Now it's in the hands of the EOC and could take several weeks to get going. The more I talk to my friends, the more convinced I am that I have done the right thing. The prejudice against larger people, especially women, grows more and more overt all the time.
Don't get me started on the BMI...grrrrrrrrr. Go to Jeanne's page and follow the link to the illustrated BMI for an eye-opener. And as for the flaming I got when I put a thread about this on coolrunning! Mind you most of that was from some prat using the handle Kipketer - he clearly has issues....unless Wilson Kipketer actually gives a rat's backside about my actions - oooh!
The thing is, I'm very confident at sports (I said confident, not good LOL) and I'll do any damn event I feel like whether or not I'm the lardiest or the slowest or have the worst hair or whatever. Many women aren't so lucky. My own dear sister said she'd think twice about going in a tri because she'd feel so bad competing against all those whippet-women - no criticism of those genetically-blessed creatures implied of course. She is as game as Ned kelly, my sister, and I'm doing this for her and women like her.
Enough on that for now.
This weekend is the Melbourne Marathon! I'm still pretty cut that I can't do the half and finish with a run on the MCG *pouts*. Next year. I'll be spending the time productively, screaming, yelling and throwing jelly snakes at our friends as they zoom/trudge by as part of the coolrunning cheersquad instead! (Kipketer is from Sydney so I should be safe). Not quite as cool as running it, but immeasurably less painless, and the last two years they've made me feel like a rock star as I trundled by so I'm happy to help out.

This post has got a bit out of hand so I'll have to tell you All About my Big Plans for the summer next time. Something to keep you awake, eh?
More anon, crusaders!

Bastards

Here is the response I got from the organisers of the tri series I was planning on doing, after I emailed them that I believed I had no choice but to lodge a complaint with the Equal Opportunity Commission on the grounds that their running a Clydesdale but not an Athena category was discriminating on the grounds of sex.

Good afternoon ,

I understand that you have had several discussions with our staff regarding the inclusion or otherwise of an Athena category in the forthcoming Gatorade Triathlon Series. Thank you for your feedback and comments.

Prior to the commencement of the 0607 Gatorade Triathlon Series the decision was made to discontinue the Athena category as a result of only one or two competitors entering this category during the preceding season. The facilitation of event categories requires the allocation of a significant amount of resources in the form of prizes, swim caps and wave start coordination, bike racks, administration and event registration requirements. As with any other product (be it a super market item or model of car) when there is insufficient demand the item will be withdrawn from the market by its manufacturers and the scenario that we are discussing is no different.

AT the completion of every Gatorade Triathlon Series event SuperSprint collects survey responses from participants of how they rate the various components of the event and requests for any new additions. Since the Athena category was discontinued we have not yet had one request (apart from yours) for it to be reinstated. We shall continue to monitor the demand in future.

We respect your right to refer this matter to the Equal Opportunity Commission however for the reasons outlined above we would have no concerns about justifying our decision.

Regards,

I'm upset now - the gatorade triathlons are the best, and pretty much the only, events run in Melbourne - but how can I give these pr%&*s my money? I wouldn't spit on them if they were on fire.
Please keep in mind that they have repeatedly told me there is no minimum number of entries for a category. In addition, how can people request a category which they are not told about? I don't believe their arguments are valid and I think their attitude is absolutely offensive, but I want to race.
Bastards.

How was your September?

The numbers:Swim + Bike 27/24 =112%. OCTOBER: Changed to % adherence to The Schedule, an arcane document based around running and riding three times a week each, but not on consecutive days, and the unavailability of Tuesday and Friday evenings and Saturdays after 10.00am. Whoever wrote that scheduling is the fifth discipline of triathlon (after swim ride run, nutrition and stretching. Fine, the sixth discipline. Whatever. Who cares? Give it a rest will you? Crikey) was bang on the money.
Physio 26/28 = 92%. Core 16/16 = 100% OCTOBER: Keep on keeping on.
AFD's 13/16 = 80%. OCTOBER: I should be aiming for more than 4 days a week, but too much failure too soon is my fast lane to 'who the f#$% cares, I give up' town.
H20 27/28 = 96%. OCTOBER: I'm keeping this on the list because sometimes I only drink the last couple so I can cross off the box.
Thesis 18/16 = 112%. OCTOBER: Changed to 10 hours/week which will be HARD. I watch too much TV anyway.
Weight +100g. WTF???? Measurements = LET'S NOT GO THERE. OCTOBER: The Spousal Unit has been appointed official measurer since either I stuffed it up last time or despite exercising twice a day and TBUSing like a loon my dimensions are expanding (nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!). And don't feed me any of your 'muscle weighs more than fat' or 'it's tone that's important' faff cos I AM SULKING.
My chart is all about living my priorities, so I added a column headed 'FRIENDS'. Now emailing or ringing my three dearest friends will no longer be reliant on my scatterbrain.

I am strangely attracted by the idea of signing up for a triathlon series this summer - Chez LBTEPA is the home of gluttons-for-punishment-r-us (training? what training?) - but it's pretty expensive and I'd probably better talk to my physio first.
Also *WARNING* RANT ALERT!* the organisers have annoyed me.
1. They are not offering an Athena (women over 70kg) category because there is not enough demand for it
2. There is no minimum number required to run a category
3. They offer a (MALE ONLY) Clydesdale category
4. They might offer Athena next year if there is enough demand
5. Demand is measured by surveying this year's participants about the event but, if it's the same questionnaire as last year, not actually asking them if they want an Athena category.
6. Anyway the categories for this year have been set *subtext: GO AWAY*
Most people here wouldn't know what Athena is because they've never heard of it cause the biggest series in Australia, boasting about all the newbies it's attracted to the sport, doesn't offer it!
Is it just me or has there been no logic wasted on their thinking?

How has your month been?

More anon, whatever the collective noun is for obsessive-crossers-off-of-charts!

Get one of these

A bloke I know had a bit of a scare recently - a person of his acquaintance went missing at about the same time as a woman of similar description was killed in a cycling accident. The woman had no ID. Fortunately it wasn't Comm's friend, but it did make me think of all the unidentified joggers found collapsed by the side of the road - quite often in Sydney for some reason, terribly dangerous place I gather. I wondered how the Spousal Unit would find out if I had a bad stack on my bike or was in an accident while running. So I bought this.

It's red so it goes faster

It's loaded with velcro and reflective stuff, has my name and J's contact details, and has been clinically proven to be as comfy as billy-o to perspire in. For about A$30 I can run and cycle hither and yon, secure in the knowledge that in the event of a misfortune befalling me my loved ones will rally to my side quicksticks. You should get one too. People care what happens to you! The link is here.

More anon, voyagers

...and then I thought, why the heck not?

Seeing as I've not ridden more than 25km in one go in the last DECADE, why NOT enter a 55km womens' bike event in 5 weeks' time? *SLAPS SELF ON HEAD*
*EDIT: Thanks Celeste - it's in 9 weeks, not 5. It's still a frightfully long way for Mrs Zero-Bike-Base.

Now, let the justification commence!

Doing this ride prevents me from even contemplating my favourite, really fun 10km run the following day, training for which would be far too much strain on my ankle at this stage....good plan!
I get a free bike jersey.....good plan!
I might not die....good plan!
DFL always beats DNSBTFC*
It's early in the morning so it won't be hot and I will be able to lie down all the rest of the day....GOOD PLAN!

After all, what IS life without a stretch goal that makes you faintly ill to contemplate?

Any of you Melbourne girls up for it? The link's in the sidebar. We could bitch together about what a stupid idea it was! There's a 20km too if you're not as much of a lunatic as someone we know

More anon, lanternes rouge!

*Did Not Start Because Too Chicken

r + b = :)

Now you are no doubt simply agog to know how much of the good stuff He Who Heals All is letting me do - rest assured, my friends, even if my head explodes with frustration there will not be one step or pedal stroke more than prescribed by The Plan. The Plan is this: 30sec run + 1min walk for 30 min, and 30 min on my actual, real, going outside bike! Woot! Twice this week, three times next week (plus the usual swims) - but maaaate, I'm Paula Radcliffe and Kate Bates rolled into one, baby! Perhaps I'll just be Emma Snowsill LOL.

+
=
I don't know why these stupid photos won't go side by side on the page - they do in the preview GRRRRRRRRRR
Other news:
*SMUGNESS ALERT* I did 80% of my Christmas shopping in a 50 minute rampage around DFO last night. I don't like shopping, so when I shop, I shop. My trusty red mp3 finally died (awwwwwwwwwww): let me introduce my new companion! Tres groovy, non? I never said I wasn't fickle. Now if only I could lose more than 400g a week and my thesis would write itself........

More anon, pod people!

Well there's not much happening here Bruce

Well there’s not much happening here, Bruce, the crowd is getting a bit restless….but hang on – what’s that?
Look Tim – a sight we didn’t think we’d see for quite some time – a heartwarming sight – a sight built on determination and courage....
Please stop talking such bullshit Bruce - now listeners, from the broadcast box here we can just see through the tunnel leading into the stadium – the crowd have just got the feed on the big screen and they’re rising to their feet screaming in delight as a small figure...
What? What? Who is it? What’s she doing?
...a small figure, dwarfed by this mighty stadium, the site of so many dreams and triumphs…..
if you don’t tell me right now Tim I will biff you one
...she’s lifting her knees
...her shoulders are back and her head is held high
...she’s breathing easily and grinning from ear to ear, oh this is an emotional moment Tim
here’s a hanky for you Bruce now get on with it

...it’s LBTEPA

....and she’s RUNNING!!!


and the crowd goes wild!!!!!

pick yourself up, dust yourself off..

...and start all over again.
Surely you too call on Fred and Ginger for solace and inspiration in times of crisis? Such poise! Such grace! Such fabulous clothes!

This afternoon I put my oldest friend Fil on a plane back to the U.K. where she lives with her adorable husband and two sweet sons. There's no reason for her to ever come back to Oz again now both of her parents have died. Fil and I have known each other for thirty-two years (eek! does that mean we're old?) through moves, more moves, overseas travel, marriages, divorces, relocations, more marriages, kids - and most of this was before email. Seeing her again has reminded me how much I miss her. The U.K. is such a long way away *wipes eyes*

This is a hideous photo and I am going to throw out that cardi and get my hair cut immediately, not to mention saving up for a chin lift - but it's the only photo I have of the two of us since the evil Spousal Unit broke my camera cable and I can only download from the memory card not the camera. Boo!

I am quite sad. To my shame I have dealt with it by embarking on a pretty much non-stop scoff-fest since I got home from the airport. Feel The Feelings, then smother the little bastards with food! Lemon tart, leftover pork, rice crackers, Noddie's cheesy pasta... you name it, it was shovelled willy-nilly into my voracious maw. You know what's a real trap? When you eat to feel better and it works. I'm feeling a bit sick now. I'm glad the Spousal Unit is working late so I won't have to bother with dinner.
But
I've done my 20 on the exercise bike and my core and physio exercises.
I've drunk all my water (and NO wine).
After I post this, I'm going to work on my thesis until J gets home.

Once again, LBTEPA demonstrates that something can be salvaged from the most grotesque train crash of a day. No need to thank me. I'm here to help.

Wild thing

(just quietly, go and read the last comment on my last post. Whatever can it mean? LOL I wish I took drugs like that)
It's been a quiet week in Lake LBTEPA - busy in a 'oh, ok, my supervisor who left in June didn't hand in my thesis funding application? No worries, I'll do it again right away this afternoon', oldest friend over from the UK to bury and mourn her father and pack up his house, new exhaust system and replacement windscreen for my car, the Spousal Unit doing strange (disruptive to my routine) work shifts etc etc kind of way. No big dramas, lots of little stuff.
There have been a couple of forays onto the wild side. It's all over between me and my surgeon - that's it, finito, ta ta, bah-byeee! He's delighted with my recovery and says I can run 'last week'. To that I reply (not to his face tho), you stick to the cutting and pasting mate, and we'll leave the making-it-work-again to my physio. He Who Heals All has set 30 seconds of pain-free hopping as the benchmark for hitting the footpath, so I may be observed diligently bobbing up and down on a daily basis, often accompanied by the lovely Noddie.
No, this will not be on YouTube.
This week's project Out Of My Comfort Zone (I forgot to tell you about that - one not-habitual thing each week) was (are you sitting down?) hanging the washing on the line just as it came out of the basket! Oh I know, I know......how could I? Jeans next to t-shirts, Noddie's stuff all mixed in with ours, undies cheek by jowl with socks! I felt so daring!
That was probably a bit more revealing than I meant.
Apart from that it's been SSDD - morning swim, evening exercise bike, core work every second day, TBUS (Think Before yoU Scoff) slowly changing my habits.
More anon, my lovelies!

You asked for it

Well, a couple of you did so here it is....the LBTEPA manifesto.
I wrote this after several friends talked about how they are feeling tired, torn, overwhelmed, unsatisfied…. not unhappy as such, and courageously counting their blessings, but not happy. They each commented that my life is so 'balanced' - I nearly laughed, then felt bad that they are comparing themselves to something they have obviously misinterpreted! Moi? Balanced? Come orrrrrn, you all know I struggle and bitch and moan and wallow and despair of my faults and my pathetic efforts at improvement and of my dreams coming true as much as anyone else.

But then I thought a bit more.
The key to this 'balance' is that I know why I do most things.
I try to live a principle-centred life. When I go crook at Noddie or J, I always fight fair. I know what problem I’m trying to solve so I don’t (usually) feel guilty. I don't say yes when I mean no, and sorry is not the hardest word. I'd usually rather be kind than be right.
I have stated, ordered life priorities, which help me work through those ‘what to do? What to do?’ situations. At the moment they are
1. Family. 2. Study. 3. Health. 4. Work.
For example, I could have arranged for Noddie to have an extra day a week in childcare so I could cram in more uni work and get my thesis done without requiring an extension. No. Noddie will be at kinder next year, and school after that and she won’t be my little girl any more. I’m not sacrificing these precious days together because uni made a mess of things, even if it does mean I take an extra year to qualify. I’m angry, but not confused. Thoreau wrote that the cost of a thing is the amount of life you have to expend to get it and I think that’s true.
Clear priorities help me stand my ground with J about his domestic habits. Washing and putting away clothes, cooking and doing dishes is looking after my family. Picking up dirty dishes or clothes or newspapers is NOT!
This year I’ll sacrifice a workout for a library session if I need to – and try harder to organise myself so I don’t have to next time. See where I’m going with this? It makes it easier to do the things I want, too – if I’ve fulfilled my obligations to my family I have no (ok, only a few, ok, not too many) qualms about taking time for myself. Having a big picture of my life means I can be kind to myself after one of my frequent stuff ups. I never have to ask myself did I try hard enough? because I know that I always try my (often poor) best.

J and I have discussed the values we want our family to have, so a lot of my choices are about leading us toward them – setting an example of fitness and discipline means I take the time to work out, enter us into family fun runs/walks, and chivvy Noddie and J out the door on morning walks because he needs the exercise. Valuing education and endeavour means I take the time to study. Having a peaceful home as a priority led to my choosing to work part-time and to J putting some of his hobbies on hold so we’re not rushing all the time. Helping each other be the best we can be means we try and make sure everyone gets to do the things we really want to. I want Noddie to see life as an adventure so I make sure she has them, even if it’s just a walk to the creek or a train ride.
J and I review our major goals twice a year. It probably sounds all lame and idealistic, but knowing where I want to go means I can keep correcting my direction. If I have a plan I can change it; if I don’t, I’m just drifting.

This might sound a bit Captain Obvious, but it took me a long time to learn that I am allowed to want what I want. I am allowed – please note I did not say entitled - to want a happy marriage, a well brought up child, a fulfilling career, an inviting home, a financial plan, a marathon (and more), travel….. big dreams, big adventures! Believing it’s ok to want all these things means I don’t have to have them all at once. There will be a right time for all of them if I keep moving toward them and don’t give up.
And if what I want is ok, then quite likely I am ok!

My dear mother told me that happiness is the sum of small joys - training yourself to deliberately, actively enjoy the funny little things. Did I tell you Noddie calls the classical music station on her radio ‘surprise dancing music’? I start every swim with a huge splash and a play in the bubbles. It pleases me every single time I do it, and I’m allowed. I wear lipstick and earrings and cool shoes because I like them. Martin Seligman thinks happiness is about savouring, mindfulness and developing your strengths and virtues. I may have to form a fan club! After I lose 10kgs, get fit again and knock off the grog of course.

Books that have changed my life:
Stephen Covey’s “Seven habits of highly effective people” and “Seven habits of highly effective families” about principle-centred living.
Barbara Sher’s “Wishcraft” and “I could do anything if only I knew what it was” are about discovering the essential things that make you happy, and how you can get them. How to ignore all the “I shouldn’t/I can’t because...” and climb over all the ‘too hards’ and ‘not practicals’. They remind me that sadness and fear and complaining are acceptable and essential parts of going after big dreams. Stiff upper lips are for people with no imagination. These books help me fit my secret ‘big life’ into my little suburban existence.

That’s enough for now. I’m sure I’ll have to come back to this post to remind myself, but this is how I try to live.
Of course it could all be about justifying doing exactly as I please. Who can tell?

Now it's your turn to write down how you like to live. Consider yourself tagged.

More anon, visionaries!

Gritted teeth

I'm having A Day. You (if you're female) may know these Days. A Bastard Day. One of those hormonal, itchy-brained, furious, tearful, despairing, hateful, exhausting days where simple human interaction is the Hardest Thing In The World and the only answer is to burn the house down, eat and drink too much and go back to bed (in someone else's house).
But today Things Will Be Different.
I will not go back to bed until I have worked on my thesis for at least two hours.
I will not eat my bodyweight in chinese food until I have exercised and done my physio.
I will not drink any wine until after 7.30pm (and trust me, on days like this that is a Big Ask).
I will not burn the house down even though it is very very messy and coming home after we visited J's houseproud friend this morning made me want to cry.
Tomorrow I will wake up and today will be over and I'll be proud of myself.

**THE FINAL SCORE: Bastard Day 0 - LBTEPA 4. Go me.

A lucky escape

So..... I was talking to some friends and the stuff we were talking about made me want to write my "life manifesto" - why I do things and how I try and live the best way I can. A lengthy and abstruse document chokkers with illuminating vignettes and arcane wisdom, spanning the miles majestically etc etc.
Then I thought, naaaah, what have my dear readers ever done to me?

It's been a week of small triumphs. I've knocked back (as in refused, not sculled!) a glass of wine on more than one occasion *pauses to pat self on back* - hey, it's my life and they're my little victories!
Having TBUS (Think Before YoU Scoff) written up over the stove has proven an effective deterrent to the not-really-second-helping-just-another-spoonful habit that was creeping in.
This morning I woke up at 06.05 - 25 minutes late!!! oh no!!! - and still hurled myself from my warm bed, into my togs and trackies and to the pool. This was largely thanks to Comms' most recent post. Comms blogs about avoiding an uninspired life "using determination, right attitude and sacrifice make your dream come true". I want an inspired life.
This will make you keensters laugh, but I have cracked 20 minutes straight on the exercise bike without having to be given CPR afterward. Little by little, eh? Physio tomorrow but I'm not expecting to be allowed to run yet. Soon, my chickens.....

Huge news: WE FINALLY HAVE ETHICS APPROVAL!!! SO I CAN START RECRUITING!! and then wait for people to get back to me and then send them the questionnaires and then wait for them to be sent back and then enter and analyse the data and then write it up.......but heck, this is progress! I wonder when I would have got the approval if I hadn't rung the committee secretary? Just asking.....

More anon, dreamers

HFD2U

Happy Father's Day to all the Dads I know
and to all you blokes who have a Dad
or might one day become a Dad

and especially to my favourite Dad


and my favourite Daddy
*
*At the Father's Day 5km walk. Noddie was a trouper the whole way and my ankle was a-ok.

Now go and get your prostate checked. We can't do without any of you.

More anon, venturers!

How was your August?

Last night I walked the mile to Noddie's carer's house so we could have an "adventure walk" (any impromptu walk, really LOL) back to the Sharing Park for our traditional Thursday swing. Just like that. Without even thinking about it. Hard to believe it's just four weeks since I was crying about my ugly, weak ankle. It's still ugly - but much less swollen now, and I have faith that the vitamin E oil will help with the scar - but weak? Not any more. Combined expertise (surgeon and physio), diligence (mine) and good luck (thanks Mum and Dad for the fast-healing genes!) have changed everything. I just heard it start to rain so I belted out down the back yard, tore the washing off the line and sprinted back in - all without even thinking about it *beams*

The rest of this post is even more all about me than usual, so feel free to go and do something keen and inspiring and write about it in your blog (which I will then read and benefit from. Mwahahaha).

It's the end of August.

I'm happy with some of the numbers.
Swimming - 22/23 = 95%. Good
Exercises - 19/26 = 74%. Could be better
6 glasses of water/day - 25/26 = 96%. Good
Thesis - 17/16 = 106%. Pleasing
AFD's 5/16 = 31%. Needs work. I did grapple much more with this issue rather than pretending it wasn't there. The total volume was way down even if the frequency wasn't. I'm not giving up.
The other numbers - weight and measurements - despite daily exercise, were not pleasing. 900g lost in a month. 9cm off my body in 4 weeks. Hmmph *scowls* It's no mystery whatsoever how this has happened. It's because I have been scoffing 'extras' - morning tea, Noddie's crusts, second helpings, takeaway, dessert....WTF? I never eat dessert - like a deranged combine-harvester.
Now the plan is this.
Next month I will continue to track the same 5 things, including daily exercise bike in the "swim" row.
I have written messages to myself on our fridge, next to the pantry and over the stove. TBUS! FTF!
Think
Before
You
Scoff!
and
Feel The Feelings!
LBTEPA will become the poster-girl for "Mindful-Eating-R-Us!". I will!

Apart from that, it would be really cool if my final ethics approval would arrive and I could start recruiting subjects and maybe even get some data to analyse.
So how was your August?

More anon, my friends.

La Bella Luna

Last night I heaved myself from the couch o'sloth and the World Champs to go and bring in the washing because rain was forecast - and walked out into a fairytale.

The plum blossoms were ghostly against the clear dark sky.
J had mown the lawn and its scent mingled with the perfume of the lavender hedge.
The pond trickled a happy background to the sounds of the night street.

The moon was out.



I've never seen anything like it.

Beautiful Sunday

On Thursday my thesis course coordinator advised me that since we are still waiting on final ethics approval I should seriously think about applying for a long extension. This would be granted without question, and it would mean I could produce a reasonable piece of work rather than the half-arsed cobbled-together piece of rubbish that would result if I tried to crank the thing out within the original dates. BUT it would mean my work would miss the cutoff for Masters' applications for next year. I'll be 105 before I qualify anyway - part-time = LOOOONG TIME - so the very thought of ANOTHER year just turns my stomach. BUT I want to do my Masters' at LaTrobe (where I currently study, which is 5 minutes from my house), and I won't get in unless I do a good thesis. F%$# F%$# F%$# F%$# F%$#, eh?

Not to worry. This long weekend has been declared a thesis-free zone, and maaaaate, how I am enjoying it.....

*yawn...* I'm just up from another nana nap in Mum's lovely peaceful spare room. Gosh it's been a gorgeous weekend - golden, golden clear warm days.
Noddie and I had a very pleasant trip down on the train - no train-stopping button-pressing action this time!
So far it's been non-stop coffee with Mum at a cafe overlooking the river, shopping for exceptionally fetching primrose-yellow tops, detective stories on the sunny front verandah, walks to the playground and zooms down the wormslide with Noddie, afternoon naps and early nights. Crazy stuff, but you know I'm an on-the-edge kind of girl.
I'm an official convert of the Total Immersion method of swimming. Since buying the book two weeks ago and mucking around with the drills, I have reduced my strokes for 25 metres from 22-23 to 18-19. Huge.

Now don't forget to while away your Sunday/reduce your Monday morning productivity by checking Ironman live every five minutes to see how my friends Geekgirl and SB (race numbers 1540 and 1539) and Mary (race number 2051) are going in Louisville. Send them wishes for fortitude and good luck, cos I think covering 3.8km in the water, 180km on the bike and a marathon will need both.

Now I must be off to get Noddie out of the bath while simultaneously thawing out a coral trout in the sink (don't ask).

More anon, sybarites!

F.C.E.T.

LBTEPA is away today. Thus I, her Faintly Cranky Evil Twin will be writing today’s post. I’d chortle evilly but I can’t be bothered.

Life is a not-very-exciting roller-coaster at chez LBTEPA this week. No massive ups and downs, just little undulations of mood and event. Little victories, little failures, little things I feel proud of and little ways I disappoint myself. How vexing that despite trying hard for two whole weeks I haven’t completely reformed all my bad habits and lost 10kg! Or even 1kg *pouts*

But still.
There are far more red crosses (yes! I did it!) than circles (nup, blew it off) on my chart. This month I’m tracking swimming, physio/core/upper body exercises, drinking water, thesis writing and AFDs.
I’m making better (not outstanding, but better) decisions about drinking wine – and that’s the key word, people, decisions.
Work people have asked me how I can bring myself to get up early every day and swim. My answer: it’s hands down the most reliably pleasurable part of my day. Mmmmmm...swimming....also I am feeling like the Beanbag Queen (as in that's what I most closely resemble) at the ‘mo, and my daily splash reminds me that I can reverse the slide. Of course I don’t tell them that. Must preserve the Endurance Athlete mystique, you know....
I’m thrilled at how well my ankle is recovering. Clearly, obsessive punctiliousness (is that a tautology?) pays dividends – in three weeks the range of movement and strength has increased beyond my wildest expectations. I have no doubts about finishing the Father’s Day 5km on Sunday week. I’m going to ask the physio tomorrow if I can get back on my exercise bike *wriggles in excitement*
I forgot to tell you – ethics approval for my thesis has arrived. Pending amendments. After three months’ wait. Leaving 9 weeks to recruit, collect, analyse, write up and submit. If the amendments get through promptly. Woot.

This week has been such an “Act As If” week – Act As If I’m disciplined, motivated, cheerful, organised. And let me tell you, as strategies go, it’s worked a TREAT. Really. I’m sure the effortlessness will return soon. It WILL.

I’m so looking forward to our trip to Mum’s this weekend. Noddie and I are going by train on Friday morning and J is driving down after work. We both have Monday off so we can just kick back, read the papers, eat too much....nice.
Speaking of which – it’s nine years tomorrow since J and I had an outrageous one-night stand (let that be a lesson to you, girls – these things can go horribly wrong) - and the happy switch on my life turned on again. Bring on the sushi!

But enough about me.

Go NOW, RIGHT THIS MINUTE and heap encouragement and praise on Simlin, who is running his first marathon, and Geekgirl, SB and Mary, who are toeing the line at IRONMAN LOUISVILLE on Sunday!! It’s GG’s and Mary’s first Ironman. I could not admire any of these people more for their big dreams, and their indomitable efforts to make them come true.

More anon, strivers

Life's good

I'm in the study banging my head on the bastard thesis.
It's been a very long day. Noddie is Over Tired, has the sniffles and is way off her game; J and I are a little fragile after a late one with friends last night. I can hear J finishing the last of the dinner party dishes.

He's singing to himself.

not far from the tree

It's been a quiet week in Lake LBTEPA

Not much going on other than the usual Friday swim, get Noddie up/fed/dressed, make beds, clean kitchen, fold washing, go to the pool with Noddie, lunch and vegie shopping at the market, grocery shopping, drop stuff off at the op shop and physio, force Noddie to have quiet time, walk to the Sharing Park*, watch Play School, make Noddie's dinner, organise the bath - type stuff.

Oh, and we bought Noddie some new shoes.
She chose them herself .


Heredity is a scary thing.


More anon, bon vivants!

*The Sharing Park is at the end of our street. J and I named it when Noddie used to shout at other children children for going on 'her' slide.

Sofa so good

ooh aren't I just sooo funny?

Plan FTF is going interestingly well – "feeling the feelings' seems to be ‘unblocking’(ewww! airy fairy psychobabble! eeewwwww!) lots of things. Tired angry scared things, wafting off to the universe and leaving me the better for their absence. Overall I’m just feeling happier and more calm. If I practice hard, who knows, maybe it will last.

I’m noticing particular times I think about a nice glass of red wine – organising Noddie’s bath and dinner (hunger, frantic-ness); after she’s been put to bed (phew…); when I sit down to work on the bastard thesis (freakout!). Recognising they are just feelings, not imperatives, makes it easier to do something else instead.
Blog-divas Mary and Lisa have made lists of 10 things that they are grateful for/ happy about - Mary is actually doing a list every day for the next 14 days, so she’ll have one for each mile of her Ironman on August 26th! Tell you what, why don’t you nip over there and tell her she’s a legend? I’ll wait here.
Back now? Hi again!

10 things for which I am grateful.
1. It’s getting light in the morning by the time I get home from the pool

2. The jonquils are out – which means it’s nearly SPRING!
3. My new togs.
4. The woman who wears her pjs to the pool every morning (and doesn’t appear to bring any other clothes – does she wear them home as well? In daylight?)
5. Finally seeing some coherence in my thesis.
6. You - my supportive and thoughtful blog friends.
7. If you mix Velish into pasta sauce your 3yo will suck it up like a super-sopper and ask for more. Mwahahaha!
8. My car heater on these lovely clear – but frosty – mornings.
9. The new desk-tidy in my study. Mmmmmmmmm…tidy……….and mine is blue.
10. Thinking about the souvlaki I am going to have for lunch.

Now, why don't you have a go?

More anon, accomplices!

PLAN FTF

*WARNING: LSAP (long self-absorbed post) AHEAD*

How many times can I say it? – you people are the BEST. I do appreciate your thoughtful responses and shared experiences enormously. They have certainly informed my New Plan (‘cause you know I do like me a plan….)

This might sound a bit defensive but I want it out there – I have never even been close to drink driving, OR not being able to look after Noddie. I am a self-critical catastrophiser so I have been worrying about what might happen if I continue along this path. A long time ago I read a post on a weight loss blog where the writer (in the middle of a huge weight-loss journey) had found herself irritated by a colleague who was stressing about having 5 pounds to lose. Bah, 5 pounds? she thought. Try having 50 pounds to lose – and then she thought.…what if I’d started worrying at 5 pounds? What if I’d said here’s the line, that’s enough? That’s my thinking about this drinking issue. It’s a small-ish problem now, with the potential to become very serious if I don't do something about it. The line is here.

Now the plan is this......
F.T.F.
Feel. The. Feelings.
Ooooh, profundity, so early in the day! But what does it all mean?

I was particularly affected by Angel and Jeanne asking me to look at why my drinking is creeping up, and what I am using it for. It's clear to me that I often use it – and other, possibly more socially acceptable, yet equally inappropriate-when-abused activities (Hi ebay! Hi rice crackers!) – to avoid my feelings. Agitation, anxiety, anger, frustration, fear – why not put something in my mouth? Hey presto - instant calm! Instant finally-getting-one-f%&*ing-second-to-myself! Instant comfort!
I am always inspired by the magnificent Duane. He has written that since he stopped medicating himself with food he has cried more than he has in the last decade – but he’s also happier than he has been for ten years. In his honour I tried an experiment yesterday. Whenever I felt edgy or tense, I sat with it for a moment and puzzled out what the feeling really was. Named it. I experienced it instead of making myself tired pushing it away. If it was illogical I challenged it (why on earth would J be angry because it took longer than I thought to drop Mum at the station? And if he is, so what?). And I felt better. Every time. All day.
That’s the plan for now. Whenever those ‘trigger feelings’ hit, I will take the time to FEEL them. That way my actions will be my choice rather than mere reactions to unpleasant stimuli. I’ll see where that takes me.

I promise the next post will be chock-full of amusing anecdotes about the inadvisability of teaching your small child the words ‘flatulence’ and ‘inevitable’. And possibly ravings about how much I enjoy driving my car now I don't need crutches any more...and swimming........... mmmmmmmmmmm swimming.......and a picture of my chart with more boxes crossed off....
You have been warned.....

More anon, lab rats!

Seriously, folks

This post breaks the cardinal LBTEPA rule ‘cheerful follows whiny’. This isn’t a cheerful post, but then neither is is it complaining or sad – actually, writing it (this is the third draft, I’m such a perfectionista LOL) has made me feel quite cheerful! So there you go.

I need your help, my friends. This is probably the most personal thing I’ve ever put into my blog. I need to cut waaaaaaaaaaaaay back on my drinking. It has crept up and up over these last few months; since I got out of the cast and life has become harder and more painful it’s got to a point where I’m a bit worried about it. This feels very shameful and I’ve been putting off writing about it – my protestant teetotal background talking. But I want to get it back under control. It’s a bad habit at this stage. Habits can change. A hard day with Noddie, yet another day banging my head on the thesis train wreck, being unable to do something I wanted to because my foot is too sore – these things do not need anaesthetic!
I don’t have a plan yet, but I have a goal. I want to go from at-least-a-couple-of-glasses-almost-every-night (my stomach turns thinking about posting that, but it’s the truth) to about twice a week. Star stickers and crossing-off boxes on my chart have proven ineffective strategies. I’ll think of something.

This issue sort of symbolises the way I feel my whole life is going – making excuses and letting my standards slip. I used to be proud of my self-discipline, and now I’m not. Even under the circumstances – yes, this has been a hard year – this has gone too far. I hope letting you guys into my shameful little secret will give me the kick up the backside I need.
...........
no, that’s really not right. Having you all on my side will give me the motivation I need. So thanks!

More anon, drinkers-in-moderation!

Cheerful my lardy posterior

You'd better thank Duane for tagging me as it means I will not be writing about how fed-up, slack, lazy, stupid, undisciplined, fat, unmotivated, sore, disorganised, unpleasant, whiny and cranky I am feeling today. A lucky escape for you.

Jobs I’ve Held
Gym attendant; Tutor; Pool lifeguard; Personal carer; ESL teacher; Training officer; OH&S consultant

Movies I Can Watch Over & Over
The Wizard of Oz
Fred and Ginger movies - so suave, so graceful, so beautifully dressed!
Jackie Chan movies - so strong, so acrobatic, so fast!
Rocky Horror Picture Show
The Full Monty

My Guilty Pleasures
Blogging
Ebay
red wine
driving my car vvvvvvvvrrrrrroooooooooooooommmmmmmm!
I was going to say shoes but I don’t feel guilty about them

Places I have lived (in order)
Melton, Victoria; Ballarat, Victoria; Melbourne, Victoria; Japan; Melbourne again

Shows I Enjoy
Spicks and Specks; Top Gear; Dr Who; Torchwood

Places I Have Been on Holiday
Broome; Darwin; Japan; Cook Islands; Canada; Italy; Vanuatu

Favorite Foods
Pad Thai; fried kwa cheo; Prawns; lasagne; rare steak

Websites I Visit Daily
Google reader – to check up on my friends; theage.com.au; abc.net.au

Body Parts I Have Injured
Ankle; Hip

Awards I’ve Won
Humanities Dux at high school…I guess I peaked at 18……

Nicknames You’ve Been Called
Punk; Podge; Muscles; personal Spousal Unit nicknames that would make you sick so I will give them a miss

Pick 5 Other Bloggers
Wes; Lisa; Dante; Morsey; Jeanne

I'll just go and eat half a bag of marshmallows now so I will feel a bit ill. Hang on, already done that. Hmmph.
More anon, grumblers!

The Plan

You are all DARLINGS. Thank you all so much (((((HUGS)))))
Now, what you've all been waiting for - the plan! The plan is this:

I'll swim, lay off the vino a bit, do my physio exercises and 10 minutes of core/upper body work every day, and work on my thesis, and in four weeks I will be well on my way out of this depressing mess. I WILL.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.........

The lifeguards undoubtedly think I'm a complete nong when I jump in and splash around doing somersaults and playing in the bubbles. AND I DON'T CARE.

You can hear Noddie from our room if she opens her window when she's having her 'quiet time' (hahahahaha). I don't know whether she was yelling 'Arr harr, me hearties!' at the dog or the neigbours.

The crying game

Roughly this time yesterday I sat in the car park outside the surgeon's rooms and cried. The cast was off and the surgeon was happy because everything was 'normal" and 'progressing well'. This? Normal? This scaly, wrinkled, scarred, swollen, painful thing, that wouldn't bend? Another week on 'crunches' - progressing well? Another week feeling like crap because I have to ask people at work to carry my tea. Another week without my car (stupid sports clutch). And another week that I can't push Noddie on the swing at the park, when I promised her I'd take her today.
I drove around aimlessly for a little while, bought some petrol, thought about what I'd have for lunch (at 10am). Putting things off. Finally I pulled into the swimming pool car park. I didn't want to go in. I'd been keeping myself bouyant through the whole time in the cast by imagining this day as triumphant, strong, back-to-normal. Now my folly had risen up and slapped me and I was crushed.
But I went inside, on my crutches.
And I took my horrid scar and revolting scaly leg to the edge.
And I jumped in.

the most beautiful feeling in the world

Mmmmmmmmmmmhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
It was magic. Magic, I tell you. Mmmmmmmm......

Then I swam 5 x 100m - that's all - and nearly puked. It's going to be a long road back. :(

After the best standing up, no fuss shower ever, I hobbled painfully back to the car and cried again. The Spousal Unit copped it big time when he rang to see how I was, poor treasure - but I did tell him that I knew these feelings of sadness and disappointment and shame were temporary and would pass if I gave myself some time to process them. Not fun, but true.
Later in the day my physio took a look at the mess and described it as 'beautiful' - what is it with these medical people? Swimming is excellent for flexibility so I can do that. Lots of exercises and stretches. I can do that. He wants me on crutches for a week, gradually increasing weight bearing, to make sure I develop a properly balanced gait and not a limp. I can do that. Not all the time, either, just when I'm not at home. I can do that. Back to see him next week to see how I'm going on our 12-weeks-til-running plan.
Guess what I did when I got back to the car? (*hint - more hankies in the wash). And I talked myself down from a large block of turkish delight to a can of diet lemon squash. Woo f#$%ing hoo.

I took Noddie to the park and pushed her on the swing.
Then we all went out to dinner to celebrate and had a lovely time.

This morning my swim was a bit better. The bruising is down and my skin is presentable, thanks to sorbolene and my loofah.

Now, comrades - onward!

Planet Hoppity - FINAL REPORT

NOTE: This post contains gratuitous smileys.

LEVEL OF SUCKAGE - High.
Not "Very high" or "Extreme" - I have a loving supportive family, a nice, warm house and a tolerant boss. Most importantly, this is temporary. It's just been a BIG pain

HOW OVER THE WHOLE F#$%ING THING I AM - Indescribably

HIGHLIGHTS
I was going to say NONE, but this little ‘crisis’ has really brought the Spousal Unit and me closer together. He has been tremendously supportive and I am so grateful and proud of the way he has stepped up. Don't worry, I've told him so! In a strange kind of way I've enjoyed not having any goals or expectations of myself for a while. A low-pressure, no-plan environment seemed the best way to get through this. And J has awarded me 9 out of 10 for how I’ve dealt with this whole tiresome affair LOL.

LOWLIGHTS
-Getting stuck at the top of an escalator at the station with Noddie halfway down crying hysterically because she'd left Mummy behind.
-Pain
-Leaking garbage bag (= wet (= cold) foot for two days)
-Finding it so easy to live a ‘nothing’ life – is there something wrong with me that I can drift along in limbo for two months without really caring?

LOOKING FORWARD TO
-Being in a pool (mmmmmmmmmmmm……floating...….)
-Not keeping my mind carefully blank about the future
-Not having to ask people to get me a cuppa
-Carrying things
-Pushing Noddie on the swing at the park
-Stepping on to an escalator without thinking about it
-Driving my own zippy little manual car instead of the clunky auto station wagon
-Not having to organise 2 garbage bags sticky tape and scissors to have a shower.
-Dancingyes, this is how I dance. Suck it up.
-Getting in and out of a car easily
-Two warm feet
-Not having stiff shoulders and tired hands every morning
-Wearing necklaces and low-cut tops (trust me, these are not the go when on crutches)
-Using my nice work bag not a shopping carry bag
-Wearing two shoes and matching socks
-Not having to think about the practicalities of every bloody thing all the time

NOT THINKING ABOUT
-Walking any distance
-Running
-Riding my bike
-Wearing my gorgeous heels
-Racing. Mother’s Day 2008 is looking good
But guess what? I just entered the three of us in the Father’s Day 5km walk on Sept 2nd. We all need some bling! Two more sleeps and I'm out of here.

More anon, Rip Van Winkles!

Oh, the plans I have made!

Five sleeps to go until I leave planet hoppity! *does happy hop*
You should just see the lovely lovely chart I've put together to kickstart my return to mobility. Oooooh it gives me tingles, so many gorgeous columns for every day and targets and achieved and weekly weight; so many sexy rows for exercise and water (yes) and after-work binges and takeaway (no). I am absolutely tingling all over at the thought of crossing off all those dear little boxes with my red texta.

No, really.
Don't make that face. You knew I was odd.

that's just silly

*crackling radio noise*...sports commentators fade in.....
aaaaand in a verrrry disappointing loss of form after a solid and consistent first half, LBTEPA has dropped the ball, yes, dropped it and it's rolled right away into the corner. This is inexplicable, she doesn't even seem to be looking for it, she's just wandering around gloomily with a complete lack of focus, what a disappointment for this capacity crowd.....oh this is such a shame Phil, she's cracked like a walnut in this tough stage.....

But wait! In yet another astonishing reversal of form, LBTEPA has found the ball and picked it up - she has turned the corner, lifted her game and is back in town! In the greatest comeback since Lazarus she's come out snarling, taken a good hard look at herself, and had a red hot go! She's got back to basics, dug deep, and is just happy to get the four points*. She's moving with purpose, and the cheerfulness we have come to expect! Well Michael it just goes to show a slump isn't a life sentence. Go LBTEPA go!

and the crowd goes wild!

More anon, barrackers!
*Let's see how many Coodabeen Champions footy cliches I can work into this.

Unusual fauna sightings

My living room, 6.10pm Friday night.
We were watching The Tour, as you do (surely you do? But there's an angry and devious peleton! What's not to love?) as it zoomed across the windswept Camargue, when Noddie called out excitedly.
Look Mummy, lots of emus! Lots of pink emus!*

More anon, ornithologists!
*Now she thinks 'flamingo' is the funniest word ever

Missed it

My very first post was on Monday July 17th 2006. Happy New Year!

* sorry about deleting the last post. I decided it was both too personal AND too boring

J and the giant killer

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS THE WORD PHLEGM. NOT MINE, BUT DISGUSTING NONETHELESS.

Sit down before you read this - but my poor Spousal Unit has actually taken himself TO THE DOCTOR because he feels TOO SICK TO GO TO WORK.
I know, I know.....I'm as astounded as you are.
He rang me earlier to tell me he has bronchitis and a chest infection and has to take super-mega-antibiotics and stay home from work (under the lovely soft fuzzy new blanket mmmm) for two days.
Oh, how I laughed. In hurt tones he enquired, why do you titter so? (yes we do talk like that, shut up). I replied, well....

I really wish that I ever ever said "I told you so" ('cause I never ever do*) because I've been saying for ten days that green phlegm (I warned you) and a cough and a temperature mean you're SICK and you should go to the DOCTOR, so IF I ever said "I told you so" then this would be the perfect time, but I don't*, so I'm laughing at you instead.

And he laughed too. Poor lambie.

I am fine, thanks for asking (touching wood and chugging vitamin C). Noddie has the sniffles but I saw on Dr Phil (I said shut UP) that they're meant to have 8-10 colds a year (???) so she's underachieving badly and this is a chance for her to catch up. All ill-effects from the baked-potato incident have passed and I'm enjoying being back at work, which surprises me. I have composed a rude letter to the Glad garbage bag company pointing out that their product is supposed to be WATERPROOF, or is it just me who thought that? I'll be double bagging my foot from now on. Oh, the thrills, eh?

More anon, adventurers!

*This IS true. I think "I told you so" is a very unhelpful and sometimes destructive remark. I make heroic efforts to ensure that it never passes my lips despite, as you have observed, considerable provocation.

Would you like food poisoning with that?

Next time we have lunch at a shopping centre food court I will embrace the greasy and the sauce-covered and eschew the madly healthy baked potatoes with tabouli and POISON mushrooms.
Urrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh.
Back to bed now.

Smile smile smile

I had SUCH a good time at the Melbourne Coolrunning midwinter drinks on Friday night! They are the nicest, friendliest, funniest, most encouraging bunch of intimidatingly fit, fast and lean overachievers with whom it has ever been my pleasure to quaff numerous sherbets. Reports of my dancing on the table are exaggerated. I was particularly pleased to meet the lovely Morsey at last *waves*. She ran a 10km PB this morning so get over there and swamp her with comment love :)
In other news, do pop over to Duane's blog and congratulate his daughter Kelly on her first triathlon. Go Kelly go! Duane inspires so many people and I am sure he is bursting with pride at Kelly's effort.

Tomorrow I go back to work, eek!

Half way

Can it have been three weeks already?
Too right it can.
Three more weeks until the cast is OFF!
And what have I done in these three weeks? Sweet bugger all, that's what. I.AM.FED.UP.WITH.MYSELF.

Wait a minute, hang on.....

While I was debating whether to enable comments on this post, aka whether I would pathetically beg for sympathy and encouragement, I flicked over to G00gle Reader (have you set one up yet? Maaaaaate, how convenient is it? I waste so much less time flicking through blogs wondering if certain people have posted YET - this means YOU Sparkdriver, don't you DARE close down your blog!)
and Iron Wil had written yet another inspiring and thought-provoking post.
She wrote about how being mean to yourself because you haven't measured up to whatever standards you were aiming for, for whatever reason, makes you feel as bad and confused as when you were a kid and other kids were cruel to you and you didn't know why.
SO. TRUE.
I emailed back to her that I think people with very high expectations of themselves actually need to learn how to be friends to themselves (some lucky buggers may be able to do it naturally, I hate them LOL), and to remind themselves to stay on the KIND side of the "I'm doing my best and that's ok" vs "try harder and stop making excuses" divide.
Lately more than ever, I fall on the latter side. It's a constant tightrope of questioning - am I doing my best under the circumstances, or am I being lazy and slack? I wonder why it's easier to call myself mean names than to admit I'm not superwoman?
I'm not lazy. I do waste shameful amounts of time on the internet. I'm stuck on my thesis and scared of what will happen. I'm disappointed my spring and summer will be spent rehabbing and base-building instead of racing. My job is nebulous, unsupervised and unsupported. I'm 7kg heavier than I'd like to be. These things don't make me lazy or stupid or bad. They just are. Being mean and angry to myself about them isn't helping.
Nor is the wine-and-chocolate cure, alas! Although I'm more than willing to keep working on it :) Never say die, that's me!

I used to have a rule that I'd never say things to myself that I wouldn't accept from another person. I should go back to that, no? But.... if I stop trying to bully myself into action and start being kind to myself, I'll have to feel the fear, the shame, the sadness, and the helplessness ....bugger, eh? Oh well, friends help each other through these things. I will be a good friend to myself. I might as well, I'm stuck with me!

My other problem is I hang around with too many of you indomitable never-say-die types LOL. Never change, I can't do without you!

More anon, philosophers

This post bears no resemblance whatsoever to the one I was planning, but writing it has made me feel a lot better

Another thrilling installment

Mum and I went a bit mental last winter in the feathers yarn section of Spotlight and this is what happened.

As always, I took the "why make it small and tasteful when you can make it BIG and LAIRY?" approach. But mmmmm it's so cosy....

In other riveting news, I discovered that my thumb drive is washable!
Yes, this immobility thing is getting a bit old....
So why do I seem utterly incapable of getting to grips with my thesis?
Sigh....

Lame humour

Hahahahaha, lame, geddit? Oh I am just so funny......
Just remember next time you say, I could do that standing on one leg, you're probably right.
Unless it's emptying a large vase of flowers or getting washing off the line.
Today I am taking Noddie on our Saturday Train Adventure to the city. By myself. On one leg.
Huge thanks to the friend who blithely changed her pre-surgery promise of spending today helping me with my tearaway 3 year old (J is working) to coming over at 5.30pm with her boyfriend to cook us dinner. NOT!
But Noddie and I Will. Have. A. Good. Day.

The dining area at Southern Cross Station overlooks the tracks! What's not to enjoy?
*LATE EDIT* Noddie and I had a super outing. My Bulldogs and J's Magpies got up in thrillers. Friend and BF came over, cooked a delicious meal and we all had a lovely evening talking and laughing. Sickening, aren't we?

A happy day

I had a very happy day yesterday. I've been thinking whether to write about this but it was so important that I want to remember it. It's a bit more personal than usual so feel free to tootle off and come back when normal programming resumes later this week.
The Spousal Unit (hereafter referred to as TSU as he features heavily in this story) and I had A Talk. About a Serious Issue (SI) in our marriage. It's not really important what the issue was. I defy any Aussies reading to not hear Kath from Kath and Kim when they see the word "Issue". Mwahahah.
But the thing is, yesterday I felt as though TSU was really listening to me, and he didn't feel as though I was having a go at him. This probably happens 100% of the time for you clever-pants blissful-union types. TSU and I have to learn everything the hard way.
A few months ago I felt that, although we were trying as best we could, we were approaching a bit of a crisis. The SI was slowly starting to poison things. We weren't really unhappy, but we weren't as happy as I thought we could and should be. Even worse, we had a couple of massive blues which were so hurtful that I started to question whether TSU was who I thought he was. I was starting to get really worried about things. I'd tried and tried to explain my point of view but TSU didn't seem to want to, or know how to listen. I felt lonely and unsupported and I didn't know what to do. Then after one particularly horrid row, it struck me that he might be feeling the same way I was. Maybe he was being mean and defensive because, despite all my efforts to the contrary, he felt unsupported and lonely too?
I didn't want to think this. I wanted to stop trying and thinking and being generous. But not really. I really wanted Team LBTEPA* to be a team again.
What to do? What to do?
Not meaning to sound all Dr Phil here - what the heck, let's go there, shall we? I had to suck it up and see what I'd done to help create this situation. Recognise it, take it on board then try and change it.
So I wrote TSU a poem about how I was sorry I'd taken the easy road of seeing the bad instead of seeking the good. Stuff about how it was harder to make someone feel as though you have her back no matter what the situation, harder to let someone know that his wellbeing is the most important thing to you, harder to let someone know you're always on her side - and that from now on I would do the hard thing rather than the easy one. And I superimposed it over a nice sepia photo of us and hung it up in our bedroom (on his side of the bed LOL).
TSU isn't a 'talking about the relationship' bloke, but he did mention how the poem made him feel happier about things. Since then I've made a point of talking about Team LBTEPA more and reinforcing how happy I am to be in it with him.
I think my being incapacitated has helped too as TSU has had to man up, organise things and manage Noddie in a way he's never had to before. He's learning on his feet and doing a sterling job, BTW. Like anyone, he loves feeling competent and important and needed. Maybe he didn't get to feel like that enough before.
Which leads us to last night and The Talk. We both felt safe, comfortable and as though we were approaching a shared issue from the same side. And suddenly the SI wasn't so bad.
As I said, you blissful types might say, well duh! But we had to learn our own selves that if you don't focus on what's important it can start to slip away. And if your hearts are open you can get it back.
It's a happy day.

(from our fridge)

More anon, troupers!

*Team LBTEPA came into being when we toured Italy in 2002. We had our own little cheer and handshake, to be used when things were especially hairy (eg lost in the outskirts of Modena in the dark) or especially cool (eg upgraded to a suite). Names have been changed to spare your nausea at our mushiness.

Hoppity 101

Things to remember:
Lose 10kg
Do lots of upper-body work
NOTE: do this BEFORE you have to cart your lard around on crunches (as Noddie calls them).
Leave the packing tape in the bathroom (to do up the garbage bag over your cast when you shower).
Put scissors near towel, clothes etc so you can get the bag off after the shower.
You can bite through packing tape if you have to.
Don't try and do anything in the dark. There WILL be something to trip over.
The Naked Gun movies are hilarious.
Watching more than one at a time makes your brain hurt.
Don't pack away your bling - leave it hanging up where you can see it to remind you that being an athlete is a state of mind, not just activity.
Have a book at each sitting-down spot (kitchen, loo, couch, bed) so you don't have to cart them around.
A ham, cheese and tomato sandwich and a cuppa takes six trips to the fridge.
There's no hurry.
Having Noddie away at Nanny's for a sleepover and J away working on our rental house was lovely and peaceful.
I'm so glad they're back.