A happy day

I had a very happy day yesterday. I've been thinking whether to write about this but it was so important that I want to remember it. It's a bit more personal than usual so feel free to tootle off and come back when normal programming resumes later this week.
The Spousal Unit (hereafter referred to as TSU as he features heavily in this story) and I had A Talk. About a Serious Issue (SI) in our marriage. It's not really important what the issue was. I defy any Aussies reading to not hear Kath from Kath and Kim when they see the word "Issue". Mwahahah.
But the thing is, yesterday I felt as though TSU was really listening to me, and he didn't feel as though I was having a go at him. This probably happens 100% of the time for you clever-pants blissful-union types. TSU and I have to learn everything the hard way.
A few months ago I felt that, although we were trying as best we could, we were approaching a bit of a crisis. The SI was slowly starting to poison things. We weren't really unhappy, but we weren't as happy as I thought we could and should be. Even worse, we had a couple of massive blues which were so hurtful that I started to question whether TSU was who I thought he was. I was starting to get really worried about things. I'd tried and tried to explain my point of view but TSU didn't seem to want to, or know how to listen. I felt lonely and unsupported and I didn't know what to do. Then after one particularly horrid row, it struck me that he might be feeling the same way I was. Maybe he was being mean and defensive because, despite all my efforts to the contrary, he felt unsupported and lonely too?
I didn't want to think this. I wanted to stop trying and thinking and being generous. But not really. I really wanted Team LBTEPA* to be a team again.
What to do? What to do?
Not meaning to sound all Dr Phil here - what the heck, let's go there, shall we? I had to suck it up and see what I'd done to help create this situation. Recognise it, take it on board then try and change it.
So I wrote TSU a poem about how I was sorry I'd taken the easy road of seeing the bad instead of seeking the good. Stuff about how it was harder to make someone feel as though you have her back no matter what the situation, harder to let someone know that his wellbeing is the most important thing to you, harder to let someone know you're always on her side - and that from now on I would do the hard thing rather than the easy one. And I superimposed it over a nice sepia photo of us and hung it up in our bedroom (on his side of the bed LOL).
TSU isn't a 'talking about the relationship' bloke, but he did mention how the poem made him feel happier about things. Since then I've made a point of talking about Team LBTEPA more and reinforcing how happy I am to be in it with him.
I think my being incapacitated has helped too as TSU has had to man up, organise things and manage Noddie in a way he's never had to before. He's learning on his feet and doing a sterling job, BTW. Like anyone, he loves feeling competent and important and needed. Maybe he didn't get to feel like that enough before.
Which leads us to last night and The Talk. We both felt safe, comfortable and as though we were approaching a shared issue from the same side. And suddenly the SI wasn't so bad.
As I said, you blissful types might say, well duh! But we had to learn our own selves that if you don't focus on what's important it can start to slip away. And if your hearts are open you can get it back.
It's a happy day.

(from our fridge)

More anon, troupers!

*Team LBTEPA came into being when we toured Italy in 2002. We had our own little cheer and handshake, to be used when things were especially hairy (eg lost in the outskirts of Modena in the dark) or especially cool (eg upgraded to a suite). Names have been changed to spare your nausea at our mushiness.