Later that day

The wonderfully conscientious people who work at the sinus surgeon's office rang back 4 times I left my phone in the car ok? to tell me that since my surgeon is on holidays they spoke to another surgeon aren't they The Best? who said that prolonged aerobic exercise was ok as long as my nose doesn't get any worse, or (I quote) "uncomfortable".
I see just one problem with that...... you'll have to click on it to see it properly, but it's pretty funny

I put 24 km in the marathon bank this morning, about which - since I must keep writing and writing and writing and writing and writing -
more anon, teeth gritters!

Oh c... I mean b.... I mean oh dear

Giving up swearing for Lent is still a challenge. Bring on Easter Sunday, I say - I'll be hopping around the front yard with my bunny ears on dropping the F-bomb like it was chocolate eggs.
When I haven't been working/mumming/spousing/training I've been writing and writing and writing and writing to try and keep up with what I thought was the timetable for my uni assignments...until I actually checked it today and found that The Big One (5000 words, 100% of the unit) is actually due three weeks before I thought it was. I feel sick. HTFU time Has Arrived.
Training for VSM #4 is going well thanks for asking, although the Bastard Sinuses remain a presence. Someone asked me how the antibiotics had worked and I said, oh, really well, it's all good except my nose is still bleeding a bit and my face is pretty painful....
...there was a pause as she looked at me as though I'd said my nose is fine, EXCEPT IT'S ON FIRE. Which in effect I had. *slaps self on head*
Reality has sunk in, gentle readers. I'm waiting to hear back from the surgeon's office about the advisability or otherwise of frequent prolonged aerobic exercise (see Marathon Training, above).
Le sigh....
Breathing in, breathing out, writing writing writing writing panicking writing writing......
More anon

Let the panicking begin

Rewards

Yesterday the Spousal Unit had an early shift = no morning workout for LBTEPA. These things happen
Sad things happened to three people I know.(ditto)
One made me really ANGRY as well, because I feel so helpless about the whole stupid mess mind you it didn't happen to me and it's really none of my business
So being the impressively balanced person and dedicated athlete that everyone so admires, *coughbullshitcough* I had a good cry and then dived into a big pile of pizza and chardy = no evening workout for LBTEPA if you can't be a good example be a dire warning I suppose
I set the alarm but forgot to click the button good thing I think the subconscious is a load of cr@p eh?
I had a really nasty nightmare altogether now boohoohoo poor baby
and woke up at the veerrryyy end of the available-time-to-run window, just a teeeensy bit dehydrated *coughbullshitcough*
and in the most savage of moods. In these circumstances, as a rule, more sleep = good
unless...
the Spousal Unit was on a late shift = no evening workout for LBTEPA = whine all you want but get your lardy arse the expletive out of bed (I'm hanging in there with the 'giving up swearing for Lent' thing, as you can see) and on the road.
For my pains (and don't think there weren't any, cause there bloody were), I got the most beautiful sunrise you ever saw.
I don't think it meant anything but it was nice.
86 days until VSM#4, and 274 days until The Stupidest Idea EverTM


More anon,cross-dressers*
*coz by crikey I was cross this morning when I got dressed. These things happen

Satisfying

Let me start with an enthusiastic round of applause to my friend the amazing Secret Sara who completed Trailwalker yesterday! Well done you legend!
The Bastard Sinuses are really putting up a fight this time Ha! I, and my antibiotics, laugh with scorn at them! Haha! so I'm running at about 75% energy at the 'mo. These things happen. No dramas apart from daylight savings ending sob - and by the way, summer 2010-11, that was a poor effort! Booo! and Noddie still getting up at the same time. Le sigh. I still put 22km in the marathon bank, and finished another piece of uni work from the now-ever-so-slightly-less-daunting mountain.
I ran along the rail trail yesterday. It's so pretty there, and level, and there are no cars excuse me LBTEPA, Captain Obvious would like his cape back which makes it much easier to switch off and kind of float on top of the physical effort. I was talking to some blokes at a work thing during the week who could not comprehend how moving doggedly along for 3+ hours could be something I look forward to. I could only give them the same answer I gave Noddie when she asked me did you enjoy your run Mummy? I replied it was satisfying on many levels. Poor kid.
I don't run for fun. Running for a long time is not fun. I run because I like it. I like being strong and (relatively) healthy and doing hard stuff that takes a long time to prepare for. I like showing off and feeling a bit smug and surprising people when they ask me what I do in my spare time, and I'm prepared to work bloody hard for that! I like having something in my life that's just there becuase I want to do it. No other reason. It's mine.
And there's the bling too of course.

....did I mention the bling? Oh. I did. Sorry.

Someone else asked me why I do marathons rather than, say 10k races. I told her, I do a 10km, I'm pretty much always going to be at the back of the pack. I run a marathon, I'm still at the back (of the back of the back) of the pack but I've done a marathon. I can't explain it better than that.
Or maybe with this

More anon, lunatics!

Maaaaaaaaate....

Maaaaaaaaaate......
There is just So Much Going On at Schloss LBTEPA. I am almost speechless with feeling overwhlemed, and since bleating maketh not for a good blog, I have shut myself away from you, my five faithful readers. But you know what? No more. Best brace yourselves.
After a week of bleah, I've got over the Bastard Sinus Infection from Hell, which I must say was a pale shadow of its previous incarnations. I also must point out that it's been six months since I was last really crook, which is unheard of here at the LBTEPA Centre for Disease Control. I've been to Melbourne for a couple of days for uni don't get me started on how shabbily we are being treated now that the course is no longer taking students grrrrrrrrrrr and realised that I have so much work to do that between now and mid-June Noddie and the Spousal Unit might just as well get used to pushing pita bread under the study door
*fans self at the frightening enormity of it all*
Ooh ooh ooh!! I meant to tell you!!!! Not only did we shell out for our tickets to the US during the week, but I also signed up for Goofy! It. Is. Really. Happening. The entries have been open for a couple of weeks but the link to the size chart for the race shirts was broken for a while and I wasn't taking the chance of getting the wrong size. Stop laughing! This little jaunt is expensive and I want mementos that I can wear to the shops for years to come.

Ok for shops

Not ok for shops

It's 96 days until VSM#4 and all I can say is AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! I did 20.5km on Sunday morning, after getting off the train at 10pm the previous night ('coz I'm just hardcore like that) *snort*. In my infinite wisdom, rather than a nice out-and-back along the rail trail (shade, level, asphalt) I chose to do a point-to-point to the inlaws', where Noddie was staying because J was on an early shift blah blah blah boring domestic minutiae. From now on when I drive or ride my bike along a charming country road chockers with scenic vistas etc etc I will notice whether there is any verge to the road (a clue: no) or a noticeable and irritating camber most of the way (clue: yes). It was good to get into that almost peaceful mindset where there's a long way to go and there's nothing you can do about it and it's not a bad day really and it doesn't hurt that much. Mind you this reverie was frequently interrupted by %$&#*! A car! Jump into the bushes! but that was ok too. I got there in one piece. I'm glad I don't have to do a marathon today.
Back to the study now. I don't really care for pita bread that much.
More anon, big dreamers!

We have rummaged down the back of the couch

and paid our airfares to the US next January! Floridaand Hawaii, here we come!
I recognise that I will quite likely become more excited as time goes by, but quite frankly I can't see how.
More - much more - anon, adventurers!

Still here

...that should actually read Still here? So am I! How are you all? Keeping well?
As my five faithful and astute readers will have noticed, there has been little blogging at Chateau LBTEPA of late. This is becuase your hero is quite determined that this year will not be one tedious OhnooonotagainI'msickandcan'ttrainwoeisme post after another. So now that I am sick (and the above, I must confess has been a recurring motif in my thoughts and conversation), I've been a bit stuck for words, and energy for that matter. To be quite honest I've been riding the self-pity train all the way to Poor Me City. Trust me, you don't need to read about that.
But still
- it's been six whole months since the last Attack of the Bastard Sinuses. My five faithful readers will recognise that this is A Very Long Time between antibiotics for me. Hurrah!
- having the Best Sinuses Money Can BuyTM makes a huge difference. With this much room in the schnozz area, all I have to put up with is feeling weak and sick and a bit of pain, not OMGifImovemyheaditwillexplodepleaseshootmenow. Again I say, hurrah!
- although I'm very disappointed at missing the tri club championship race tomorrow, if Chrissie Wellington can suck it up cheerfully and graciously, then so can I. These things happen.
Now it's 15 weeks until VSM #4. I'm Quite Excited and also Quietly Confident. Let me tell you why.
The other week I set out on my first Long Run of this campaign (don't laugh, that's what I call them, it makes me feel all Napoleonic). Things did not bode well, my friends. Noddie and J dropped me off 14.5km from home while they went out in the boat (no chance of a lift home). It was 1pm (getting to the warmest part of the day) and smoky from the bushfires (not the best conditions for The Best Sinuses Money can BuyTM even at their efficient best). I couldn't get my shoe tied properly. My hip hurt. My water belt kept slipping. This whole marathon thing was a joke, I was a joke and what was I thinking putting myself through this humiliating BS again? It was a true blue whingefest all right. And then....
I remembered how to run. It didn't get easier and I don't think I got faster, but something in my head changed and I realised I know how to do this. Just Keep Moving. Think about your form and your breathing. Listen to your music and enjoy the scenery, the paddocks and the cows and the river and the trees. Run three, walk one. Let it hurt as much as it hurts and take as long as it takes. It was a good run, in the end. I've done another one since. It was good too.
More anon, cheerful pressers-on!

Tuesday ten

I used to live in Japan, not that that makes me anything special or any more or less shocked and appalled by what's happened there. When I think of how densely the (by our standards) flimsy dwellings are packed together and how flat the land is, I just feel sick. I've had to practice what I preach and limit myself to the occasional look at a news site. Thankfully, our dear blogger friend Kathryn is safe.
It's hard not to dwell on all these awful, awful things that have happened so close together. It's hard not to think that the world is an awful place and wish that 2011 would just finish the (*insert expletive here: I have given up swearing for Lent so I can't help you*) up and go away.
But we can't, and we mustn't. We can't pretend the world is kind and that bad things never happen to good people, but we must also notice the things that bring joy to our lives. I'll start.
Today I appreciate
- my fab new work pants, that I bought online (eek), arrived in 3 days and look awesome.
- J planting the rose I bought at the market
- I got the washing in off the line before the rain hit on Sunday night.
- It's so sunny today!
- Our budgie is chirping his little head off, such a pleasant sound
- a client cancelled just before lunch so I got the groceries-servo-pharmacy run done (= won't have to drag Noddie around after school)
- my placement for next semester has been approved!
- I saw the sun rise when I was out on my bike this morning
- Red shoes
- the Spousal Unit and Noddie
That's my ten.
What's good in your life today?

More anon, groovers!
Please note: normal programming will resume shortly. Oh my do I have some running stuff to faff on about!

Run for Christchurch

Wanna know a Good Thing To Do?
1. Click here.
2. Donate some money.
3. Run or walk 5km next weekend, wearing red and black in honour of our devastated Kiwi friends.
4. Count your blessings.
That is all.

More anon, comrades!

Amazing words from amazing friends

I noticed a glaring omission on my chart o' fabulousness this morning - I didn't organise myself to blog this week! So here I am. I'll keep this short because it'll be dark in about an hour and a half and I am Making Lemonade by riding my bike to my inlaws' new house (they are only 20km away now , oh woe! oh woe! No no no I never said that, naughty Evil LBTEPA has been hijacking my blog again)
But I digress.
My imaginary internet friends have been in particularly scintillating and thought-provoking form lately. In the interests of brevity I will note the phrases which jumped out and lodged in the LBTEPA noggin, changing it forever, then direct you to their posts....bugger, I have run out of time, will finish this tomorrow

AMAZING THOUGHTS FROM AMAZING FRIENDS
1. The mighty DG
Last year I hated opening my wardrobe. All those too-tight or just plain too-small clothes seemed to mock me. They were testament to my lack of self-control, my weakness, my laziness... (so been there, sister!) Something has shifted in the past few weeks...A dress is just a dress again, not failure-on-a-coathanger. (the most perfect phrase ever!) What saddens me is how little I wore these clothes when I actually did fit into them.
This last is the key, my fabulous friends. While we here at the LBTEPA Style Bureau are all about Dressing Appropriately, we strongly believe that in this sad, beige world, it is our Duty to Share the Inner Diva. Be the chick who wears dresses to work! Rock those awesome shoes and earrings on the school run! Be the only one at the races in a hat! Nothing bad will happen, I promise.
2. You may be thinking, but geez LBTEPA, how shallow you are faffing on about being fabulous when the world is so hard and harsh and people are suffering with terrible floods and cyclones and earthquakes. The ever-brilliant Kathryn has some thoughts on this:
It makes you realise that in an instant, your life can be changed forever - whether its a disaster that makes the world news or a private tragedy. What can we do in this life but hold those people we treasure close to our hearts, and not let the precious moments slip away....and make the most of today - do something brave and sparkling and daring, because life is now.
So. True.
3. The gorgeous Linda, who absolutely embodies a sparkling, beige-defying life, pointed out the blindingly obvious (although not to me in recent times) - you can't out-train a bad diet. Thanks for the *slapping forehead* moment mate! I needed that!
4. Finally, St Thomas Aquinas (not that I know him, he's been dead for ages) said this:
JOY IS THE NOBLEST HUMAN ACT.
Go back and read that again. What an amazing thought. Joy as an act. I have this on a little plaque near my front door to remind me that joy is a choice. It's easy to focus on the bad stuff. It's much harder to live a joyful life in this imperfect world. It takes practice and discipline and courage, and it's a gift to everyone you encounter.

In other news, remember I wasn't going to buy any clothes this year? I'm sorry. Won't happen again.
More anon, sparklers!

19 and a bit

19 and a bit weeks....
136 days.....
Roughly 3264 hours....
About 195840 minutes.....
until Very Slow Marathon #4, Gold Coast 2011.
Crikey! Better get cracking then!
Now, what to do first?

???

Nahhh.... ???

Nahhh...

Aha! I know! The answer to everything!

Now, onward!
More anon, hyperventilators....

Sunday

I reckon yesterday was almost the perfect day.
I wanted to do a bike workout. The Spousal Unit wanted to go to a market (LBTEPA: aka a collection of junk stalls ew ew ew yawn yawn) in a little town 20km away, and then out in the boat. Noddie didn't want to do anything she seems to be in "default setting = "NO!" mode a lot lately, le sigh.... This discouraged J. We'll just go to the market quoth he, it's too cold and it might rain and I'm too tired.
Mummy Took Charge (as she does). No No No she quoth in turn (we were having a quoth-y day) I will help you get ready, and We Will Have Fun.
We did, too. I rode my bike to the market while J and Noddie faffed around looking at...err... stuff. The good ship Mad Dog carried us across the lake to the 90 mile beach where we paddled and made sandcastles until we were driven away by the #$%*!$ sandflies ow ow ow note to self: keep some aerogard IN the boat. Then Noddie wanted to swim in the lake but we'd not brought our togs - so we said bugger it, we're wearing undies and had a brilliant time hurling ourselves off the jetty and mucking about in the water. The jetty was about eight feet above the water so I thought Noddie was a bit of a legend jumping in. Oh Mummy, she said, it's almost like flying! When we got a bit cold we climbed back into the good ship Mad Dog and went home across the lake. I'd done all the washing and folding on Saturday so there was nothing to do but cook a roast for tea. Perfect.
Now I really must get stuck into my uni stuff and last year's tax. I'm in such a good mood it doesn't seem like quite such a mountain now. And I have a teaspoon. No worries!
What's your perfect Sunday?
More anon, blessing counters!

HB2M!

Planet LBTEPA status report. Stardate SATURDAYMORNINGDRINKINGTEAINMYDRESSINGGOWN.
- 44 revolutions of the sun completed, crikey when did that happen? Thursday, silly. You were there! You ate this fabulous chocolate crackle cake! - celebrations: appropriate. Cake, a card and flowers at work what a lovely surprise they are so nice :). When a client conveniently cancelled just before lunch, I headed for the beach, hopped into my togs and swam out past the breakers. For the next half hour I just enjoyed myself in the clear green water. Happy Birthday to me!
To mark the auspicious occasion, Chateau LBTEPA was the scene of such a soiree as our rural hamlet has never witnessed. We actually just kept inviting people we like and then when it came time to buy the food we counted them all up....and said, thirty five?....oh.....but it was all cool apart from being very hot and extremely humid but that just meant every time a chair near the air conditioner was vacated someone else sat down in it rather quickly and pretended they'd been there for ages, which was amusing to watch and everyone seemed to have a good time or at least said they did. LBTEPA herself pronounced it The Best Birthday Ever. Next morning at legal training for work LBTEPA was reported to have consumed two diet c0kes before morning tea, but this has not been confirmed.

Stardate POST-SLOWSWEATYRUNDAMNTHATWASHARDOHWELLATLEASTIT'S DONE
- it has struck LBTEPA recently that Time is Ticking By. It's getting close to time to Get Serious. -in the short term, I have a backlog of stuff from uni last year, thanks to the Amazing Disappearing Supervisor, the current semester's stuff and also my tax to do. Time to Buckle Down. Le Sigh. It's been a fun summer faffing around with sprint tris but it will soon be time to think about Gold Coast, Melbourne and Goofy. I'm also wondering how I might fit this in.
- in the long term, I need to really Take A Good Hard Look at Myself regarding my health. I've gained a fair bit of weight in the last year - no problem in itself of course, as anyone can be splendidly healthy at any size. However, the eating and drinking habits in which I've been indulging are neither compatible with what I want to do in 2012 nor with good health in the long term. As my five faithful readers are aware, I struggle with "I'm feeling tired/sad/angry/overwhelmed /might as well have a chardy/ well f#$% it might as well eat those chips" Syndrome. Maybe I always will. Although it is the LBTEPA way to do her level best to make make a fabulous and rich life appear effortless, it never will be. It isn't meant to be.
So.
My Chart O'Good Things is proving a great help. The Spousal Unit is being wonderful. I'm exercising nearly every day - the "2011 SWEATING' box in my sidebar is proving a strangely effective incentive - and have even Cooked some Proper Food, out of a recipe book and everything! Although logging my food is a screaming bore, it's proving helpful in terms of being mindful, and choosing to eat stuff I actually want to eat. The LBTEPA Research Lab is currently working on Project Stuffwe'vetakenforgranted, including (but not limited to) Wellit'ssaturdaynightit'sbeenabigweeklet'shavesomebubbles. No! you gasp - but Yes! We'll go there!
Stay tuned....
More anon, gallivanters!

Allstars and Superstars

I was lucky enough to do a corporate team triathlon on Sunday with some workmates. Apart from one friend, I knew little about my teammates - apart from the fact that they were up for a challenge! It was a case of one old triathlon warhorse (me) and five others who'd previously done one triathlon between them (!) fronting up to the line on a mixture of bravado, curiosity and because-I-said-I-would. The mighty GLCH Allstars and Superstars, smiling with relief!
The day started in a fearsome fashion. The area was drenched and lashed by the tip of Cyclone Yasi's 3000km tail - it was pouring and cold and blowing a gale. A tree down over the main road to the venue caused an accident as a car spun on the wet road trying to avoid it and hit a tree. I was first on the scene and felt sick to see a woman slumped over the steering wheel. She was quite shocked but able to move and speak quite well. After I'd rung the emergency services, and some other bossy organising-type people arrived and took over, I kept going as I would just have been in the way. The woman was ok, thank goodness - a friend of mine who knows her told me she was released from hospital later that day with concussion and bruising. Our teams were huddled together under our marquee when I arrived. They are mostly quite slender people and the wind was freezing. I was worried about the weak swimmers in the whitecaps (in the sheltered lake!!) - but thankfully, the wind died altogether half an hour before the start and stayed away until after the race.
I was pleased with my race. The ride was mostly uphill on the way out ewwwww, and therefore very agreeable for we mass-enhanced athletes on the way back, especially since I got my brakes fixed. My target all ahem "summer" has been to reliably run 2km non-stop straight off the bike, no matter what - no small thing for this Very Slow Marathoner. I did run all the way, including an ahem "impressive" burst of speed into the transition area to hand over the chip to my teammate.
I just about burst with pride at the others. They were great, especially one bloke who, when he said I can't swim, didn't mean I can't swim very well. He literally could not swim. 300m is a long way in double-armed backstroke and dog paddle. Guts, bloke. Guts. Well done sir. The all-conquering GLCH Allstars
Since I had spent Saturday afternoon volunteering at the registration table I knew a few people from the tri club. I was surprised at how many other people from around the place I knew who were either racing or cheering on friends. I called in to work this morning to drop off some photos and there are already murmurings of next year we'll have to......(train harder, get more teams up, organise a barbecue etc etc) around the place.
It's all good.
More anon, adventurers!

You know what?

...the less frequently you blog, the harder it is. You (that is, I, that is, LBTEPA) get all caught up in the it's been ages I'd better put together something epic/hilarious/profound oh crap all I want is to have a bit of a whinge I think I'll just go and have a cuppa instead thing.
I don't really know why I write my blog but I do like it, my five faithful readers seem to like reading it *waves to FFRs!*, and who knows, maybe something I write will resonate with someone or inspire them or make their day a bit more cheerful, cheerful stoicism being, as we know, the LBTEPA Way. I have to tell you, cheerful stoicism is much easier to manage when you have properly functioning sinuses. I have a bit of a cold and it's very smoky here from the fires and I feel a little bit rough - a massive improvement from last summer's on my knees with pain and out of my mind and sending everyone else insane with crankiness.
...Oh bugger, I was going to do one of those cool lists that regular bloggers do and now I've given away the exciting bits. Oh well. We shall just have to press on, no?
1. I have a head cold and it's very smoky and I feel a wee bit rough. Functioning sinuses are absolutely worth every cent.
2. LBTEPA apologises fully and unreservedly for being so remiss as to allow Noddie and the Spousal Unit to reach the ages of 7 and 49 (respectively) without seeing The Princess Bride. Best. Movie. Ever. Lemme esplain...no. Is too much. Lemme sum up.
3. Noddie and I had a girls' weekend away in Melbourne. We went on the train and stayed in a hotel (and had breakfast at the hotel restaurant! I love being around seven year olds, they are So Excited about Everything). We went to the art gallery and the Aquarium and bought Noddie some new sparkly shoes and a nice man in the bead shop made her a gorgeous necklace.
4. I really don't like shopping. My dream is for someone to measure me and bring me nice stuff that's comfy and looks fabulous.
5. My right knee and foot are twinge-y. Must. Do. Hip. Exercises. And. Core. Work. And possibly not do two triathlons in three days
6. I seem to be more tired than normal lately. Is it a) thyroid? b) low iron? c) staying up too late? d) no proper exercise routine established for 2011 as yet? Who can tell? There are lots of things to tinker with. I'm hopeful
7. Dear work colleage: if you say in December that you'll participate in a team triathlon, and people you know pay the entry and get a uniform and marquee organised, and then four days before the race you announce I'm not doing it becuase I'm feeling really anxious about not doing well becuase I have't been training or given up smoking and I might get injured, maybe some people will say, you poor thing, that's ok. But other people will think you are rude and lame and a la-la, and will wonder whether your lack of responsibility and belief that you don't have to do anything unpleasant pervades other aspects of your life.
8. Dear husband of my friend: you are a filthy scumbag lowlife for cheating on her. Even if she forgives you, and even in the context of your childhood experiences blah blah blah, you are still a pathetic excuse for a human and don't deserve her. R.E.S.P.E.C.T., bloke. Look it up and then write it on your hand.
9. Dear five faithful readers: thankyou for constantly seeking to be the best people you can be. You make the world a better place with your striving and your smiles.
10. OMG OMG SQUEALS AND GIRLY HANDFLAPS!!!! We're going to Goofy!!!! And Hawaii on the way home!!
11. Don't start watching Running on the Sun at 9pm and expect to get to bed on time. Utterly engrossing.
More anon, Mousketeers!

Eagle Point race report

Race report: Eagle Point Triathlon
600/20/5: 1:42:56
Stone motherless last by 16 minutes
Rating: Very Pleased

You will recall that I showed up to this race for one reason: becuase I was convinced I was Too Fat to go out and sweat in public with a whole lot of skinnyfasts. Well, we here at LBTEPA Operational HQ might be assailed by these thoughts from time to time (damn you PMS and Christmas kgs) but rest assured, my five faithful readers, we NEVER let them win. I felt like throwing up as I filled in my entry form at the kitchen table, but I put my bike on the rack, set off, signed up and set up. It was a gorgeous morning with not a ripple on the lake. I am so lucky to live in such a beautiful place.Another older slightly lardy lady set up her hybrid bike next to mine on the main race rack. Bwahahaha thought evil shallow LBTEPA, I'm SURE I can beat HER.
She had set up on the wrong rack and did the mini tri. *pout*
The main race started an hour after the mini tri. I spent the time cheering the backmarkers and breathing very carefully...calm in...fear out... don't get that the wrong way around! Finally it was time to go. I'd already decided that I would enjoy the swim and hate the rest - hey, don't knock it, it works for me!. The water was warm and there was no wind so it was glorious, apart from PEOPLE WHO CAN'T SIGHT FFS LEARN TO SWIM IN A STRAIGHT LINE MATE OR GET OUT OF THE F&*^ING WAY. And cut your bloody toenails! (Hang on, remark my five faithful (and observant) readers I thought you were planning to enjoy the swim?)
*hangs head in shame*
The bike leg was... well, the undertrained, significantly heavier than last time bike leg. I swore a lot. I kept going. I must tell you about this bit though. At one point on the course we turned on to a fairly main road. The marshall there was super-conscientious and very nice too. He must have thought I'd dropped out or something, as I rounded the last corner and he was about to drive off. Oh well, I thought, fair enough. But not he! No! He screeched his dark blue SUV with the tinted windows this is relevant, I promise to a dust-clouded halt, leapt out, grapped his "slow" sign and tore out onto the road. After I passed him he got back into his SUV...
and trailed along behind me at an absolute crawl, picking up the race safety signs as he went. It was too funny, slow old me wearily pushing on, with my big shiny security escort behind! It got even better - the marshalls at the next corner also had a dark SUV, and they fell in behind the first marshall collecting their signs as I pedalled and puffed slowly along. I had a convoy!
My goal for the run was to Not Walk the first loop. It was 28 degrees and about 10000% humidity. The LBTEPA Survival Taskforce quickly recalculated and came up with a new goal: don't throw up, cry or DNF. Too easy! Not. I did run a lot more than I walked. I knew I was last by miles - my old mantra they took my entry money, they can WAIT got another outing today - so as I steamed up the chute I did the whole arm-waving grandstanding thing and got a big cheer from the skinnyfasts. Maybe they thought I'd died.
But look! Look at this!
600m swim 0:08:23 - I knew I was having a good day!
20km bike 1:04:33 =18.59kph. This is good for me! Especially with three - count them, three, oh, life is so harsh -trips up a MFFB* pinch hill that had all the skinnyfasts out of their saddles, what hope did I have?
5km run 0:30:00=6:00min/km. If those numbers are even close to accurate that is an absolute BLINDER for me! Especially as I was Not In The Mood.
And look at this!
2nd 40-49F: LBTEPA!
Lessons for the day: courage is its own reward and showing up is half the battle - but bling is good too! And sometimes you're doing better than you think you are.
More anon, pressers-on!
*A very rude aggregation of very rude words that I used MANY TIMES (in my head, I've been well brought up) on the ride

Australians all...

...let us rejoice!
Happy Australia Day!

More anon, pav eaters!
BTW Sunday's race report is on its way, stay tuned...

Knee-deep

Picture this: LBTEPA, knee-deep in the murk of self-dislike (every extra kg is solely due to slackness, laziness, personal weakness and plain old lack of character (unhelpful core belief: I must be perfect in order to have any worth as a person)), body-image issues (ditto, plus I don't belong here, I'm too fat, they're all laughing at me) and plain old butit'srainingandcoldIdontwannnnaaa! (to be fair, it is raining and not terribly warm)........
sipping on a nice hot cup of HTFU
then going out to DO.THIS. #$%&ing. TRIATHLON.
More anon, waders!

Rolling on

Last night I left the Spousal Unit and Noddie at the camping ground in Mallacoota seriously what is this camping thing about? ignoring millenia of human progress in construction and engineering to sleep on the ground under fabric?? and drove the 256km home becuase I am working today.....
and then I called in at my friend's house because it was her son's birthday, and there was some wine oh I know, I know.... and no food becuase I arrived so late...
and then when I got home there wasn't anything except a frozen chicken pie in the freezer, and the tennis was really exciting and the recliner was really reeeaallly comfortable maybe that's why people go camping, so they appreciate their furniture more? so I stayed up a bit later....
and then I woke up at STFU you stupid birds o'clock, and I thought #$%* it, why don't I just roll over and go back to sleep...
and then I thought
BECAUSE I'M AN ATHLETE, THAT'S WHY. IT SAYS SO IN MY SIDEBAR.
So I rolled out of bed, into my gear, on to my trusty steed Minerva and down the driveway. I can't say it was one of my fastest or most enthusiastic bike rides, but is there such a thing as a bad bike ride? Never pass up an opportunity to zoom down a hill yelling 'wheeeee!', that's my motto.
Back up the coast tonight - we're going kayaking tomorrow!
More anon, camp followers!

So on.

2011. The Year of Getting On With It. Yes yes yes, my five faithful readers, it is So. On.
I have decided that this year I am no longer the person who buys stuff on ebay becuase she's stressed about an essay or worried about her Spousal Unit or Noddie. I am no longer the person who shares a bottle of wine with her Spousal Unit at the end of a rough day out of habit. I am no longer the person who cracks it when she (ahem) "can't fit in" a workout because she hasn't read the Spousal Unit's roster.
Now The Plan is This - 2011 Edition
- not buy ANY shoes or clothes until at least November. Exclusions: undies and running shoes. When you need them, you need them.
- maintain reasonable drinking habits including at least 4 alcohol-free days a week. Yeah yeah yeah, LBTEPA, you say, I've heard that before....and so you have. What can I say? It's time for another crack at it.
- plan my exercise schedule around my available time.
- put a notice on my pantry that says mindful? to remind myself that if I can't or don't want to notice myself eating something..... then I shouldn't be eating it.

In other news
- we're going camping this weekend. Eeeek. It's been nice knowing you.
- I'm having a grouse time organising our agency's teams for the local corporate triathlon in February. Here are the team lists
ALLSTARS
LBTEPA “PNF” C.
R*** “Chrissie” T.
E*** Javi M.
SUPERSTARS
C*** “Moffy” L.
S*** “Macca” H.
J*** “Crowie”O.
I think we'll do well.
It's been horribly hot and humid here this week, but we're not on fire or under water, for which blessings I could not be more grateful.
More anon, optimists!

Waddya reckon?

Well! *fans self*
That was a weekend, sportsfans. I understand that if you click this link you can see the heavily doctored evidence that yes indeed, my dear friend A and I painted Melbourne an ironically retro shade of red. We walked, we talked, we cruised places from our distant student past, we bought ironically retro stuff from cool markets, we ate, we drank coffee, we rode on trams and we walked some more. Whenever we got a bit tired (which was fairly often I must say) we drank champagne in grand old pubs and uber-cool little bars and just soaked up the inner city ambience.
And now I'm home again. It. Was. Fab. I am recharged and refreshed, and it's time to get properly stuck into 2011.
So far Project Just Bloody Get Up Will You is batting 100 mind you I don't set the alarm every morning, as is my secret plan whoops what a giveaway to do some sort of exercise every single day. This is pleasing.
Another thought which has been tickling the innards of the 'ol LBTEPA noggin is the notion of eschewing retail therapy as a stress management tool until at least November. Ebay might well crash, but that's not my problem. I do have plenty of clothes, AND SHOES. I could maintain appropriate standards of decorum and fabulousness for quite some time without further wardrobe supplementation, or, I tremble as I write this, any new shoes. I would exclude running shoes, undies and the Melbourne Marathon race singlet from this veto of course. Waddya reckon?
More anon, cupboard spelunkers!

Just one

As my five faithful readers know, LBTEPA loves her some plan. I do. One of these days I'll even post my latest chart, all full of ticks (and crosses *sad face*) as I find the building blocks of a good life and put them into a fun order.
I've got lots of plans for 2011, but only one New Year's resolution:
GET UP WHEN THE ALARM GOES OFF.
The definition of insanity, as you, my five faithful readers, fountains of all wisdom, know, is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. At the end of last year I knew I had to CHANGE SOMETHING. But what?
My friend at work told me her resolutions this morning - exercise 45 minutes every day, only eat healthy food (she even refused a dark chocolate seashell this morning), and be happy.
Cynic that I am no! you cry, it was all I could do not to roll my eyes and invite her to make an appointment for a couple of weeks' time. Then again, she might do it! I hope she does!
I couldn't. It's too much. I can only get my head around small things at the moment. But my one little thing underlies many other changes that I want. I want to fit exercise into my routine. I want to feel disciplined. I want an incentive to go to bed earlier. See? My one little thing makes so many other things possible. Clever! Win-win-win! And (almost) failure-proof, too
*beams*
What's your one thing? What's the smallest, most basic element of your change?
More anon, treasures!

Words

To start with, may I say a huge THANKYOU for all the kindness and helpful advice in response to my last post. You guys are THE BEST *mwah!*

As you know, here in HTFU City on the continent of LBTEPA on Planet Cranky, we are not given to, nor very good at, manifesting, nor reflecting either if it comes to that. Which is why it may seem odd that we have come up with three words which we hope will sum up the coming year. Why on earth would a confirmed lip-purser and hmph-er at airy-fairy new-age BS (to use the technical term) indulge in such behaviour? Am I drunk? Not at the moment, and if I was I can assure you that I would be even less inclined to such goings-on.
However, I have, as I said, felt lost. I need a map. I need charts, lovely charts full of stuff to tick off. But what stuff? What do I want to do, and more importantly, why? I think I need a big picture to colour in. Even if I don't, I need to change something. 2010's strategy of "struggle on with gritted teeth" isn't sustainable.
So.
In 2011, to be LBTEPA is to be
AN ATHLETE
CONNECTED
SPARKLING
An athlete
- to steal a comment from the mighty Tea, is an athlete, not a hero.
- is consistent-ish. Life happens.
- is careful-ish about what she eats and drinks
- makes workouts happen. They will if I make them, they won't if I don't.
- isn't precious or a diva. If there's only time for 5km when she wanted 7, an athlete doesn't wring her hands and get all "oh woe I am such a loser oh woe" on herself. She gets it done.
- takes physical limitations into account but doesn't let them rule her life
- dreams big, and is patient
A connected person
- friends that new person who's invited her - nothing bad will happen
- makes that call. Yes it's been ages, but tomorrow it'll be even longer
- accepts she'll always think she sounds like an idiot leaving messages but does it anyway
- smiles at people
- blogs regularly
- calls retail staff by their names
- wades through shyness, ego and worry about being pathetically needy to JFDI. Friendliness is everywhere even in a tri club full of skinnyfasts, who'd have thought? if you look
A sparkling person
- smiles a lot
- doesn't buy into staffroom or lunch-table whinge-fests.
- laughs often and loudly and accepts that people will look at her askance when she does so
- speaks passionately and sincerely
- has fears and doubts and neuroses. So?
- does stuff, just because she wants to. No-one really cares. The Not Right Police aren't coming.

I hope this post doesn't have the same effect as those R&M posts in December! I promise I'll tell you about yesterday's meltingly humid run along the river (with Noddie as my drink sherpa on her bike, thank goodness, or I would have died, srsly) and my awesome captaining of my work's tri teams. I'll even show you my chart if you like!
More anon, sparklers!

Lost

The crew of the good Ship LBTEPA would hereby like to issue a distress call. Nothing so severe or dramatic as a "Mayday!" but seriously, We Are Lost. We are eating and drinking like combine harvesters, can't form a positive thought to save our lives and have yet to establish a workable exercise routine. Despite loving our family and new life tremendously and not regretting The Move for one minute, we are so lonely that reading our Christmas cards made us cry because we miss our friends so much. It's a pretty lame scene on the poop deck these days.
We have seen the race shirts for the Olympic Distance tri we were thinking of doing and quite frankly they're not worth the effort. We would like to point out that 'the effort' is not only 1.5km swim, 40km bike ride and 1okm run but also a 600km round trip to Melbourne, and working out what to do with Noddie since J is working. I've never been this heavy and I feel disgusting. It's a big horrid cranky mess.
Quite obviously, I need A Chart. A Chart is The Answer. It's Always The Answer. Charts lead to movement and I'm so tired of being stuck. But what should be on it? Only my five faithful readers, fountain of all wisdom that you are, can help me. What do you do on a daily/regular basis that makes life full of energy and zing and purpose and fabulousness?
More anon - when I hear back from you!
PS I didn't kill the inlaws. It all went superbly :)

questions

1. How was your Christmas? I hope it was fab! Ours was, and continues to flow on into the Spousal Unit's birthday celebrations today. Happy birthday J!
2. How ironic would it be if the utter boringness of that 'reflect and manifest' thingy I was doing - the one during which I identified my word for 20111 as 'connection' - had driven away all my blog reader friends? Is anyone still out there?
3. Can I finish the G@torade olympic distance tri in two weeks, under the cutoff? I have to say, it feels pretty groovy to know I could finish it no matter what, extra lard and post-surgery training slack-o-rama and all. Must find out the bike cutoff time...
4. Can I transform the house and myself into a vision of loveliness and whip up yet another rolling afternoon-into-evening feast in the next two hours, without a) getting stuck into the sherry b) bursting into tears or c) killing my inlaws?
We shall see....
More anon, revellers!

Happy Christmas and all that

Best wishes for safe and peaceful holy season to all my imaginary internet friends.
Ho ho ho!

Out

I'm clearly far too cranky to do something like this reflect and manifest project. I don't feel like talking about myself all the time. I'm stopping.

Prompts 17 and 18

Prompt 17: Lesson learned. What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?
The best thing I learned about myself this year is my capacity to hold onto a picture of a hopeful future. In comparison with many, we've had an easy ride this year, but, la-las that we are, we struggled. There were dark times. This may sound pretentious, but the majority of the time I lived by and modelled my values. If I didn't, I caught myself and (usually) apologised. I led my family through our winter and here we are, relatively healthy and functional, ready for a happy Christmas and a cruisy summer. Yay.

Prompt 18: Try. What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did/didn't go for it?
This is not my prompt.
I, LBTEPA, am like Yoda:
Try not, young Skywalker. Do, or do not.
I mean, I try small things, like a different cut of sk1ns (naaah) or hot water and lemon in the morning (hmmm) or a new crochet pattern. But Big Projects? I either do them or I don't, and I always know why. I wanted to do two marathons and move across the state and have three jobs and keep on with my Masters in 2010, and I did. I was often scared and full of doubt, but I had A Plan, and faith in it, and there was enough incidental enjoyment going out in the lovely countryside and communing with my sisters in Stupid Determination to make it worth the price in time and fatigue. If it hadn't been worth it or if the price had been too high I would have stopped. Not. Failed.
Next year I want to try.... ummm.... something will come to me, I'm sure! And I'll enjoy it!
What do you want to try?

Prompt 15 and 16

Prompt 15 – 5 Minutes. Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.
Hokay....
moving, so many boxes! the horiible horrible beige house that turned into our lovely lovely house with a few tins of paint, our beautiful view, poor Jeff being so sick with pneumonia, learning to light the fire and split kindling, training for Gold Coast when it was so hard and I was so sick, finally finishing and being sooooo so relieved, behaving badly all week afterward becuase my head hurt so much sorry sorry to everyone I promise I'll do better next year, realising I had to quit one of my jobs (ahhhh the relief....) finding out my sinuses were f$%^ ed (= there was An Answer), running Melbourne Not Sick!! going sub-six, Grizzly Bear giving me his medal, my spotted blanket at the hospital , Cathy coming to visit me after the surgery, all my good friends from uni, my awesome job gosh I love it, talking to Emma on Skype, writing a million Christmas cards...aaaannnddd that's five.

Prompt 16 – Friendship. How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?
I learn something important every time I talk to my friend B. She is a profoundly insightful, hugely experienced psychologist who is not only unbelievably generous with her expertise but also hilarious and a pleasure to spend time with. Thanks B!
My comrades in Stupid Determination, Emma and Mrs W, are always inspirational to me. I'm lucky to have them in my life.
*getting all emotional*
That'll do.

Prompt 14

I decided one more OMFG who writes this stuff? prompt and I'm out of here it'll serve me right if I don't manifest anything next year won't it? but I like this one.
December 14 – Appreciate What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?
I was going to say this year I've really come to appreciate the Spousal Unit a great deal more than I have in the past - but we had a row last night and I'm a bit off him today :P
No, seriously. I can't appreciate just one thing after such a big year. I appreciate
- J
- Mum
- my friends
- the beauty of my new home
- the determination and intelligence I possess
from the bottom of my heart. I express gratitude for these things by noticing and naming them and by living my best life.

Prompt 13

Prompt 13 – Action. When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step?
Oooh! Oooh! I know this one:
Sorry, bloke, but it IS all about ideas. It's about having an idea and not smothering it with "OMG too hard" or "I'm too busy/old/fat to ever do that". It's about letting your dear little idea out from under "can't do it right now so there's no point thinking about it" or "even though I'd love it I wouldn't be good at it and I'm scared people might laugh"and giving it space and light to grow.
Once you've done that

JFDI

If you have a Big Dream, or even a big Have To, JUST DO IT. Do something. Do ANYTHING. If there's one little thing you can do to take one tiny step toward it, do that. Have an assignment coming up? Get all your stuff out and do the easiest bit. Type the title page if that's all you can stand to do. Next day, do the next easiest bit - set up the reference file, start searching for articles. Do SOMETHING. Have to fold a huge pile of washing? Pick out all the towels and do them; tell yourself you don't have to do the rest unless you feel like it (and who knows, you just might). You want to get fit and strong? Walk for five minutes today - let the dog out so you have to go and get it - or go and sit in the pool or do one situp. Then do it again tomorrow. Keep the idea in your mind and chip little bits of it away. Want to go to Venice for Carnevale? Print out some photos and stick them up, buy a book....do something.

Oh, I almost forgot the most important part. Make excuses, whine, give up, say it's too hard and you hate it and you don't know who ever had such a stupid idea.....THEN DO SOMETHING.

Prompts 11 and 12

Reading these prompts, I am getting the sense that this is a project for someone at a different stage of life from mine.....
and I should probably have started a new blog for this too. For your convenience I'm labelling the 'prompt' posts as such. Normal programming will resume shortly and will be clearly marked!

Prompt 11 – 11 Things. What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?
The cliched answer is 11kg! One of the things I could do without is my habit of squashing tiredness and sadness with pizza and wine. There's not much else I'd prune. Most of the 'stuff' in my life is there for a reason - sentimentality, enjoyment, utility, haven't got around to shouting at the Spousal Unit to take it to the tip yet. I cull my clothes, books, linen press and shoe cupboard regularly. I'm pretty careful about not having people close to me in my life who are toxic to me. As my good friend the mighty Emma said, bugger it (or words to that effect), I'm keeping my stuff!

Prompt 12 – Body Integration. This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?
First reaction to reading this post: Huh?
Second reaction: I thought mind-body dualism went out in the 1980s.
If I really have to answer this question - and I do, becuase I said I would - I'd say the times I'm closest to just existing are when I'm in the surf. Swimming in the ocean takes all my thoughts and senses and my physical self and pummels them into an exhilarated laughing bundle that eventually lands in a happy weary heap on the shore. Swimming in the pool and riding my bike are similar.

Prompt 10

Prompt 10 – Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?
Giving up my third job was the wisest decision I made. Although I liked my workmates and my office, I wasn't learning anything and it wasn't very lucrative. My family needed me at home more. It worked out beautifully. I like my home to be an oasis of order and calm hahahaha a girl can dream! The Spousal Unit is worrying less, and Noddie may possibly be less cranky and argumentative. It's difficult to tell.

Prompt 9

Prompt 9 - Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.
Par-tay number one with a bullet was the Gold Coast Marathon post-race gathering. I'd been so worried and scared and so weary and sad and I was just so f#$%ing RELIEVED to be finished and surrounded by my friends who all understood why I kept wandering around grinning like a fool saying I. am. so. f#$%ing. brave and were kind to me and made sure I had champagne. Clothes? Lots of finisher t-shirts. Food? Wedges ring a bell; there may well have have been pizza. Mmmm...pizza...Music? Bar tunes and I recall some footy (possibly both kinds) on the tv. People? Lots of tired and happy-looking skinnyfasts with varying degress of sunburn, mostly wearing medals. It was also the last time Team SD was together in all its loud fabulousness. Drink? Oh my, yes.
Honourable mention in the party stakes goes to Noddie's circus birthday. And I didn't have to run for six hours to go to that.

Prompt 8

December 8 prompt. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.
It was pursed lips all around at the LBTEPA think tank when our cerulean orbs alighted on the above, but we have decided that this month we're game for anything even Eat Pray Love-esque navel gazing oooh I never said that
So I asked my husband what makes me different? and he said, your spirit of adventure, your determination and your big laugh.

Would it be lazy to leave it at that?
I don't like to think of myself as particularly different - I know my good qualities and I know what I
Anyway, enough of like about myself. Does thinking of my good qualities as 'different' imply judgement of others? Am I overthinking this?
WHAT MAKES ME DIFFERENT
My spirit of adventure. You ask poor Noddie - I'll make anything into an adventure - a ride on a train, a bike ride by the river, a walk, driving on a new road for the first time. I like to express that spirit in other ways as well. I wear bright colours, pretty shoes, lippy and big earrings. I try and notice small things that fill life with pleasure and interest. A marathon is an adventure, from the time you decide to do it to the day you hang up the medal. And then there are the memories...
My determination. I think about something I want to do, then what needs to be done to make it happen and whether I can be bothered putting in the work. This is a less common way of approaching things than you might think - so many people focus on all the things that get in the way of their goal, then decide it's too hard and they can't do it. Eyes on the prize, darls!
My big laugh. I do my living in public (within the bounds of appropriate behaviour of course). I laugh loudly and smile often. I try to live by my principles and to speak up when I think something is wrong. I call things how I see them, which isn't as bad as it sounds becuase I'm inclined to see the good in people. Unless I don't like them. That's a joke.

Prompts 6 and 7

December 6 – Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?
Apart from food which I don't really count as making becuase (for the most part) it's a chore that fills a need and I try to make the best of it, the last thing I made was a ringmaster's jacket for Noddie's circus party. I used satin-backed shantung and big gold buttons from the button box. I need to clear time for making the Christmas pudding! I've also been working on a crochet nanna rug made of super-lairy acrylic flower motifs on and off all this year shame on me. My best self would remember to pick it up more often when I'm watching tv in the evening with the Spousal Unit. There are a couple of lovely tops I want to make, but it's not lack of time that's stopping me; it's lack of energy to re-learn pattern fitting since I'm carrying this extra weight.
December 7 – Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?
I knew about the online community, especially the running and triathlon communities, before 2010. Maybe I've needed it more this year than ever before, but I've found the openness and unconditional support of my friends to be absolutely invaluable. (((((((((HUUUUGE HUGS))))))) to you all, darls!
In 2011 I want to connect more with people from my new town. We're all ok now, all pretty settled. I feel as though I have a little bit of spare energy now to make the effort.

Wonder

We at the LBTEPA theatre company hereby declare the monster dance concert week over, and a huge success! We were so proud of Noddie, dancing so well and having such a good time even when she was so very tired by the end. This afternoon the two of us are decorating the tree and the house in a lazy let's have another break shall we? sort of way. So pleasant.
I'm really looking forward to Christmas, are you? The LBTEPA copyright and legal department has registered the word "massive' to describe this past spring - marathon, surgery, exams, Noddie's birthday, the election and of course the great tapdance extravanganza of 2010 - so it's very pleasing to have ticked off the last Big Thing and settle into Christmas mode at last.
It's go big or go home at Chateau LBTEPA, as you know. Our mottos for December are if it doesn't move, put tinsel on it, and if you can see any green on the tree you haven't finished. Summer's coming too, that wonderful time when you see old men from church down the street in shorts and think how weird it is to see their knees. Christmas presents, the Christmas letter... I love it all.
Let me share one of my favourite songs with you.

So LBTEPA, you ask, how's the project going? It's interesting (to me at least!), although I'm tending to rush my answers a bit and not craft my prose as carefully as I would normally do. Possibly a symptom of reluctance to engage in a challenging activity? Or could I be manifesting my cranky anglo-saxon protestant sceptic by accident? We shall see....
Prompt 4: Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?
This is something I have been lucky enough to do all my life. I say lucky becuase my dear Mum always told us happiness is the sum of small joys. Because of this, I've been deliberate about looking for small, joyous, wonderful things, like the first plum blossoms of the spring or how the earliest sunshine transforms the spiderwebs in the grass stalks into a bed of sparkling dew-flowers. Thanks Mum!
Prompt 5: Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?
I let go of the illusions of pride and strength. I can't do "anything". I can't do "everything" either. Why? I had to! Reality smacked me until I did! It's ok, though - although I sometimes miss being bullet-proof hahahaha, I find its departure has left me much more room to really be me. Sad, small, stuck, hilarious, amazing, fabulous me.

Ooooh I must just quickly mention that on Tuesday I am showing up to the scary tri club full of scary skinnyfasts for their weekly mini-tri. 6kg extra and all, I'm going for it. Go me, eh? I'll let you know how it goes.
More anon, resumers of regular programming!

Prompts #2 and #3

DECEMBER 2 PROMPT
What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
Lots of stuff - and no. My life isn't about writing.
But how about this?
'What do you do that interferes with you doing things that make your life rich and joyful?'. Errrr..... well, since this is all about being truthful and going to unfamiliar places in my head and in blogland.
Too much aimless faffing on the internet.
Too much unaddressed anger.
Too much wine.
Is it a coincidence that I've recently experienced major paradigm shifts with the last two of these? I'm not going into detail but I'm feeling much less helpless and stuck. Now - aimless faffing on the internet. It's sometimes functional for me, but needs to be time-limited. I need to become more discriminating between when it is functional, and the times I'm using it to avoid something. I can do that.
DECEMBER 3 PROMPT
Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail.
A digression: it's been a huge week at the LBTEPA theatre company. Noddie's tapdancing concert has involved hair practice, a photoshoot, a stop-start rehearsal and a full dress rehearsal. Her little-girl bob has been pummelled into a rock-solid stage-worthy bun with gel, pins and glitter hairspray. Her stage makeup requires nine products, half an hour and a very steady hand. The stop-start rehearsal ran an hour overtime, on a school night. In the car on the way home I asked Noddie, did you have a good time? She replied, oh, Mummy, it was fantastic times a thousand- no, it was fantastic times infinity!
I know what she means. I know that moment when life is distilled into the important and the wonderful and the unbelievable. I know it well. I'm so happy for Noddie that she knows that feeling. If it means she can smile so wide and be so excited and sound so thrilled and joyful, I'll bloody well conquer stage hair, and stage makeup, and even fear-of-scary-dance-Mums if I have to.
More anon, toe-tappers!

Reflect and manifest

I've half-heartedly signed up for this. Accordning to the good souls who've come up with this idea, the idea is to use the daily prompts
"to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next. The end of the year is an opportunity to reflect on what's happened, and to send out reverberations for the year ahead".
As you know, reflecting is very much the LBTEPA Way (ooooh...shiny!); however, as a cranky Anglo-Saxon Protestant I regard "manifesting" with suspicion, with pursed lips and preferably from a considerable distance. But nothing ventured, nothing gained, a change is as good as a holiday etc etc blah blah blah. Here we go.
December 1 One Word.
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
First reaction: whoa! Difficult! The words that came to mind for 2010 are "hard" "lonely" "struggle" - stuff like that. Oh. Says something, doesn't it? But is this something LBTEPA wishes to share with the universe? Hmmmm...
Upon reflection I'd use a phrase rather than a single word: Dreams come true. But dreams have a price, and we've paid and we still pay. It's been a good bargain; we don't begrudge it! But it's been much harder than we expected. That's all.
The word I would like 2011 to embody is CONNECTION. Loneliness can be paralysing but it won't go away by itself. I want to actively seek connections, to make new friends and to reinforce old friendships. I want - no, I am going to - resist the impusle to withdraw.
That'll do for today.
You have a good one, eh?

You win

1. Decide it's been far too long since I went swimming (six months. I know. Shocking). Pack stuff for an early workout.
2. Fail to set alarm
3. Sleep in.
4. Work, cook, eat dinner. Say goodnight to Noddie.
5. Go to pool.
6. Discover that swim passes expire six months after purchase. Oh, yes, said the perky chick at the counter, a lot of people didn't know that. omfgIsaidtomyselfyou'refuggnjokin
7. I don't take my purse to the pool. Go home. Get money. Go back to pool.
8. Fill in lengthy form to get new swim pass.
9. Pool closes in twenty-five minutes. Decide to have a swim anyway. Mmmm...... swimming..........
10. Start to strip off. Poolie tells me pool closes in ten minutes. omfgIsaidtomyselfyou'refuggnjokin
11. Find out they can't reinstate a swim onto my pass, only leave a note on a file that I'm owed a visit. omfgIsaidtomyselfyou'refuggnjokin
12. Go home.
13. Sulk.

You win, infuriating pool people. FOR NOW. I'll be back.....
More anon, crosspatches!