cautiously optimistic

+

 

+ 

+

 

 =

(I hope....)

More anon, bouncers!

PS NOT my actual bike

well butter me on both sides

First up, MASSIVE congrats to the mighty Tea for a monster PB at her half ironman yesterday!! She is an example of excellence and grit to which we can all aspire.
Secondly, I gave up listening to the advice I'd been given about my sad sore foot - after three months,  I'm persistent, no? - and had a chat with Dr G00gle. Now after 2 days of following that advice, I'm better! There is very little soreness in the morning, and no pain after walking. I'm still swinging between cursing myself for not being more proactive - for buying the you're too fat' story, in essence, and wasting weeks on end - and somewhat hesitant joy. Who'd have thought a superball could change everything?
 Anyway we have to make a mad dash to the Big Smoke today for a medical appointment and I'm also feeling quite sombre after the dreadful events in Orlando so I'll leave it there. I'm going for a walk.

Reframing

Since I have decided to think of the stupid rude entitled PITAs who appear unable to comprehend the 'keep to the left' signs (with handy arrows for the literacy-challenged) at the pool, and who think that staying on one side (as opposed to swimming up and down the middle of the lane) is 'sharing',  as escapees from a sheltered workshop who sadly lack funding for permanent carers, I feel a lot better about going to the pool. I try to go at times when there is at least one lane which either has a normal cooperative thoughtful polite person in it or is empty. These times are sadly few but I am dauntless.

More anon, splashers!

This week in song!

A Big Day

As my five faithful readers are aware, LBTEPA has been known to give the Demon Drink a bit of a nudge.
Over the last two or three years, what with the endless ride on the injury roundabout, my poor Spousal Unit's Mum dying of leukaemia, him being bullied out of his job, and then his Dad dying as well, it's been more of a jolly good shove than a nudge. My name is LBTEPA and I am a stress drinker.
People do this stuff. If you don't, good luck to you. I bet you know someone who does. I'm not defending myself, or asking for approval, sympathy or advice either. But....
A month ago I felt strong enough, supported enough, recovered enough to make a Big Change.
Since this time last month I have had 15 alcohol-free days. This is A Really Big Thing for me. I'm REALLY happy and proud of myself.

I have no intention of going back to daily sherbies. It's getting easier and easier. Can I have a WOOT!! please??










More anon, firecrackers!

3am vs 7am

3am this foot injury has broken me. I give up. I have another cold. I can never get a run of consistent exercise going. This is never going to work. I am stuck in this fat broken hell forever.
3.15 No, I'll get up when the Spousal Unit leaves and do a bike session. Yes, that's what I'll do. Zzzzzzz....
6.59am bugger bugger bugger I meant to get up when the Spousal Unit left now I won't have time to do my whole workout and I still feel sick too.
7am No no no no no I have time Noddie can organise herself now and I AM NOT STAYING IN THIS FAT BROKEN HELL FOREVER get on your bike LBTEPA 20 minutes will do you can manage that. Crank up Eddie Izzard on the ewetube!
7.30am (sweating)
thanks Eddie!

More anon, stumblers!

dreaming big

I've been watching Desert Runners while I've been doing my bike workouts. Have you seen it? It's brilliant. These people are so determined. I'm inspired by them. I love a big dream, a big crazy dream, and watching these brave souls push and push and push until they either finish or can go on no longer just does something to my heart.

More anon, soldierers-on!

a run

...not the very best sort, where your feet are strong enough to pound the footpath for happy ages while you work up a righteous sweat...
...but another very good sort

the Spousal Unit is a very Good Sort

... a run of sustained exercise for several weeks, with no disastrous, disorganised or dispirited 're-starts'. Yay! The 'key' (which may only be 'the key' at this moment, who knows?) appears to be making the basic units of working out as accessible and repeatable as possible, eg cardio = bike (set up in study) or rowing machine (5 minutes away at the gym), and weights (ditto). Anything else at the moment is jam.

 

 Mmmm jam...

Starting from where I actually am is evidently quite a good idea. Who knew?

More anon, crumpets!

I forgot

...to cancel my gym membership!
The gym has a) music videos which are not exclusively millenial soft-porn doof doof and

b) several rowing machines! I like rowing machines, as long as you don't tell me I have to go faster every time I use one (hello upsetting failure and subsequent avoidance, my old friends!). More to the point, my stupid plantar fascia might like rowing machines. Cardio that doesn't aggravate my foot that is a) somewhere other than my house b) around other people and c) not my bike on the trainer would add to the quality of my life no end, ahem hashtagfirstworldproblems.
I'll keep you posted!
More anon, homing pigeons!

My goal is to post every week

Not much to say here at Chateau LBTEPA, so it's motivational image time again...I know, I know...I'm bored too...but it's just gone FIVE EFFING YEARS since I broke my ankle (just over four since it was reconstructed) and I can either a) give up and settle meekly into flabby middle age, or b) keep punching on no matter how incomprehensible 'success' might seem. Let me think....

More anon, sweaters!

For your viewing pleasure

I love this.
Not much to report this week. Our heroine continues plugging away at Stuff here at Chateau LBTEPA. Drawers are getting cleaned, exercises are getting done, mindless face-stuffing is getting not-done. Long-held assumptions about how much I need to eat to keep going are being questioned. My foot is on the mend, too!! Yay!
In other news, it's eisteddfod season again, which I wasn't very good at last year. I'm getting through it much better this time. Life's all about learning, isn't it?

I have to say, I am impressed and inspired at how brave these kids are. I think a lot about how to be a better parent, and it is painful to watch them walk out there in front of everyone and muck it up and 'fail', and be disappointed, especially when they work so hard. What I'm learning is to let Noddie walk her own path. When I don't 'protect' her, she works out her own way to manage (hello Captain Obvious!).... She's good at it!  She's not crushed by a non-linear relationship between effort and reward.
I always tell her that winning happens when the competitor takes the first step onto the stage. To me, that's winning. When you do the work, and show up, and have a crack. We might not get the result we want, but every single one of us who does those things is winning. Maybe I mean succeeding. I dunno, it's been a long week, with far too many false eyelashes and sequins involved.
More anon, pothunters!

Hungry?

The magnificent Cilla has asked a very good question - am I hungry? Bless her.

Yes. No. Sometimes. How would I know? Can I ring a friend?
I know why I eat when I'm not hungry (see 'Boring Whiny Shit/Why No One Reads This Blog') and I'm finally starting to set up new behaviours to make it less likely. Operation 'smaller portions/less cheese' is going well!
So is Operation Gumby. Stretching with Noddie the dancer is fun!

Daunting, but fun.
More anon, claymations!

Danger zone

Hi Blog
I'm thinking, thinking, always thinking...

and the 'danger zone' is after work, before tea. 'Cause I'll eat my tea anyway. That is another whole box of stuff to work on. Later.
Plans for this: ????listen to a meditation before I leave work. Objection - noooo not another 10 minutes when I could be at home! Counter-argument: let's give it a try and see what happens!
Absolute veto on eating between work and home. It's only a few minutes. Can do.
Talk to the Spousal Unit about a) less cheese and b) smaller portions. These have in the past been foreign and distasteful notions to him but he is noticeably trying to be more supportive lately so I shall stiffen the sinews and discuss it.
While I'm brainstorming, I will get some rescue remedy - that stuff is the bee's roller skates. I'll need it for next week's eisteddfod aaaarrrrrggggghhhhhhhhh........... and I reckon it might be good to use it more at/after work.
This is so effing boring that I want to bang my head against the wall.  But then so is being too heavy for my feet. Buy shares in strapping tape, people! Time to, as I have mentioned, harden up and do this.
More anon, contemplators!

Sleep, baby, sleep

HI Blog!
Conclusions/thoughts of the week:
I've been sleeping badly (reasons, reasons) and choosing to sacrifice exercise for sleep, as I 'have to be ok for work'. I might re-think this. I do need sleep but not exercising makes me sad. I'm sure there's an answer.
This weekend I was zen as billy-oh, 'detaching from a single preferred outcome' - such as actually 'getting time' on a weekend to do something I want, like paint the skirting boards or, oh, maybe go for a swim - like an absolute champ. This meant I was less angry, which might in future lead to more energy to problem solve about how I can reorganise things to prioritise my needs. One can only hope.
On that note, I am disproportionately proud to announce that THE STUDY IS CLEAN! It was chockers with  my late father-in-law's paperwork all in messy piles, and had to be properly looked at and sorted not set fire to as was my frequent wish. Now it's done! So I can set up my road bike on the trainer, and my Kona re-runs, and sweat happily away again. I ran into my physio at the pub, as you do, and she hath decreed that the plantar fascia shall not be subjected to walking, nor cycling unless in a rigid shoe. I'll buy some, becuase I like riding outside on the hybrid. It just then occurred to me to ask myself, why don't I want to ride the road bike outside in the dark mornings? It has lights.... hmmm. It's probably adjacent to 'why don't I want to go to the pool?' Answer = REQUIRES ORGANISATION which needs energy that I don't believe I have! But I do! This can be done, I just have to do it. Also see 'detaching from desired outcomes'.
People have accused me of over thinking things..............................
It's a worry how distant the 'I exercise becuase it's who I am' mindset has become. Maybe I should make myself a chart? That always used to work.

More anon, star-stickers!

Forget about the mountain

I've been watching the 2015 NBC Kona Ironman world championships in little chunks, as breaks form attempting to render our study habitable. Do not get me started OMFG what a saga. But I digress. Kona 2015 has provided my motto for the current somewhat trying circumstances. A bloke who did the race with a donor heart uttered the following wise words 
FORGET ABOUT THE MOUNTAIN YOU HAVE TO CLIMB. 

FOCUS ON THE NEXT STEP YOU HAVE TO TAKE

Thanks, Kona bloke! You've shown me what to do!

More anon, tiptoers!

*edit* AND THEN this article ablout how 'the obstacle is the way'

POPPED UP IN MY FEED! Spooky......

pf

Hi Blog!
Just when w thought it was all going splendidly, life lobs us a reality check. I love working up a glow on the trail, but at present it doesn't love me. Both heels are complaining bitterly. This feels like the beginnings of plantar fasciitis, with which, as you may recall, I have had dealings before. Messing abut with this bodes only ill. Hence I have withdrawn from Run Melbourne.
This is so ****ing boringly repetitive I want to bang my head on the wall.
It looks as though I am going to have to really focus on losing weight, in order to get as fit again as I want to. No sneaking around it. Bleah.

More anon, nibblers!

Lightbulb

What was I THINKING? I LOVE this!

More anon, trailblazers!

sooky la la free zone

why didn't I want to do the run melbourne half in July? Because I'm tired. Because I've been under a lot of pressure. I don't feel like it. Whinge whinge whinge.
Hello? This is the Harden Up Fairy, calling bullshit. I'm 49, not 79! I went to Paris to have a rest, and have been banging on ever since about how I'm all recharged this year! Life is about pushing yourself, being your best, and making the world a better place! Not sure how my shifting gears into JFDI mode will help with the latter, but whatever. I Am In.

More anon, staggerers!

Possibilities

Hi Blog!
My week's been very heartening. I'm loving the 'little and often' approach. The poor Spousal Unit had to go back to hospital on Tuesday morning In A Big Hurry because the kidney stone wasn't moving, but luckily he's all better now; but to actually get to the point, Tuesday was the only day I didn't work out. I can get my head around the don't-wanna/too-fat/so-much-lost/what's-the-point DREAD, for that is what it is, when I'm 'only' doing 20 minutes, or a quick spin into town, or 800m. And every day I do it, I feel better and better, more energised and more determined. Most some most of the time anyway. It's even spilling over into other things, like 'I'll just (hang out that washing, take down those cobwebs that have been annoying me for ages, put that op-shop bag in the car) while I have a minute'. I vaguely recall that this is how I used to be....
Stuff that's working: little and often, as stated.
Getting things ready the night before so I'm not looking for my socks at 6am when I want to be out the door. Charge the ipod.
Writing the blog.
A missed workout is gone.
This is not a chore, it's about getting to do what I want, eg: 'I want to (ride my bike tomorrow morning) so I need to (buy myself some new lights on the way home from work today). Totally Captain Obvious but it got a bit lost over the last few years.
Drink heaps of water and keep on top of the household stuff during the week. It pisses me off that our current household system leaves me doing a fair majority of All The Stuff, but that's how it's working at present, I don't have the energy to re-train and re-organise everyone right now, and if I just do it, I get to do my stuff too. If I sulk about it and put it off I don't get to do my stuff.
Meal planning and shopping ahead. When the Spousal Unit cooks, he's cooking what I want to eat. 
What's not working: sleeping in on Fridays. Not happening again.
I'm thinking of entering the Run Melbourne half marathon in July, but part of me thinks it's a bad idea when my focus this year is developing overall consistent fitness and exercise habits again. Will it shift my focus too much? Do I need the pressure? I'm not dealing too well with pressure at the 'mo. But then, you know, bling! And racing! And showing off! Hmmm.....

 

More anon, jugglers!

plans

My plans for the weekend didn't go ..as planned... sorry, that's terrible.
Saturday was supposed to be the usual morning shouting at Noddie being Mrs Music at dance practice, then a bike ride, which didn't happen becuase of horrible indigestion from trying a new sort of pie for lunch - and I never get indigestion so it tool me about three hours to realise I should have just popped a couple of antacids and got on with it. DOH.
Sunday was the day I caught up with all the undone stuff from when I was sick last week, like a million loads of washing, and meal planning, and food shopping so we wouldn't be eating strange things from the back of the freezer for two weeks in a row. Then I was going to the pool, but ended up at the hospital until 11pm while my poor darling Spousal Unit tried, unsuccessfully, to pass a kidney stone. Horrid to see him in such pain. They admitted him for better pain relief (which turned out to be far worse, and i am going to have their guts for garters, but that's another story).
But this is the Year I Do Things Better, and am CONSISTENT. So I got up at 6am and began My Running Plan. My legs are strong again and I can walk for hours. Time to up the intensity! This involves winning the suck up your pride and start where you REALLY are mind games that I have been practising with swimming. I went 2km today, run 1min walk 2 min. Whoopee friggen do said my Mean Comparing Self. STFU, MCS, said my Doing Everything Better self, and enjoy yourself! Look! You're running! It feels great! There are birds and flowers and people walking their dogs and morning mist. It's grouse! And it was. I'm going to keep up this run/walk schedule, with gradual increases, until I can smack out 5k without soreness, then increase the running. See if I don't.
The weekly schedule will run as follows: M run T bike W run T bike F swim S run or bike Sun swim. Lots and lots of little short repeatable consistent workouts. I can do this. I'm looking forward to doing this!

More anon, problem-solvers!

Better

This is The Year I Do Everything Better, so I got sick better! I allowed myself to be calm about it, and just rested and let the non-essentials go, which was anything except work and sleep. Having the antibiotics available the day I needed them, rather than several days later, has made a huge difference - I'm pretty much better already! The whole revolting, exhausted, head-full-of-nauseating-pressure experience has lasted only four days, not well over a week as usual. But I will take the whole course, I promise... I'm going to talk to a GP about getting more for next time. I might fluke meeting one who doesn't freak out when you want Drugs In Advance.
Today is 16 years since our wedding day! The Spousal Unit and I have had many great times, ups and downs, meanderings and abrupt changes of course in our life together. He's a top bloke and a terrific Dad and I'm looking forward to many more years of it.*Mwah!*

More anon, cherubs!

bastard sinuses strike again

One of the things I'm going to log this year is how often my sinuses get infected (told you this blog is no longer about being entertaining!). My sinuses aren't irritated - I have a good management strategy for when they are, involving disgusting nose-washing-out - but you didn't want to know that (see 'no longer entertaining' above). These are full-on, head full of painful, nauseating pressure with extra bonus shortness of breath, sore throat and aching joints infected. Luckily I have managed to procure an emergency antibiotics stockpile (thankyou France and your very different dispensing practices!) so I could start beating the little buggers into submission yesterday rather than having to wait until Friday to beg for some pills at the quack's.
I've managed NO exercise since Sunday, though. This is extremely disappointing. If I'm not better tomorrow - come on, drugs! Do your stuff! - I'm planning a walk or ride for Friday when I can go back to bed afterward if I have to. Bugger the housework.
More anon, poppers!

She's right, you know!

HI Blog!
Sorry I'm late! *insert usual excuses about life etc etc here*.
It's been a busy week and a reasonably good week, lots of life in it. But what I've been thinking about is some wisdom from the magnificent Tea, my good and kind internet friend. Tea took notice of my lame sooking about the scales not moving, and wrote down for me what she eats. It sounded brilliant, but also very daunting, nowhere even adjacent to what I eat now! Ever-patient, Tea explained that she didn't make the change all at once - change one thing each week and all of a sudden she was eating in a way that fuels her lofty athletic ambitions and extremely hard work.
She is, of course, spot on. Thanks goodness for kind, patient people who wait for you to work out totally obvious things! This week's change is ...drumroll... less bread!! Aim: less than once a day. It's going to be more of a habit-changing than a self-discipline thing - bread is so convenient! As are noodles and rice (future change targets). So far so good.
As for the other goals (because 'being interesting' is no longer the primary aim of this blog):
Water each morning: tick!
Exercise: three bike rides (including on the hotter 'n hell day of my birthday party), 2 swims (including the slightly overtired day after my birthday party) and a walk. I'm sucking up my pride and sticking to the very small distances in the pool. The key word for this exercise program is reproducible - can I do it again in 2 days' time? That will lead to consistency, and that will lead to progress.
Didn't weigh myself this week (see 'birthday party', above). 
Alcohol-free days - not 5 (see 'birthday party', above), also see 'emotions/feeling manipulated' (below). I'm on it. My circus, my monkeys. This week will be like the Sahara!
Didn't clean out a drawer, didn't ring a friend BUT invited a new friend to my party so that counts toward my goal of widening my social circle, no?
No piano. Must find a way to work that in.
I find the biggest obstacle to exercise and eating the way I want to is emotional. I'm noticing how manipulated I feel by my family's needs. This is MY  PERCEPTION. I have to find a new way of managing my responses to their/my 'shoulds'.
Sometimes focusing on myself so much is very boring, but it's less boring than feeling as though my life is pouring away before my eyes.
More anon, wanderers!

That went well

Hi Blog!
What an interesting week it's been inside my ever-chattering head.
I'll make this quick: a short recap is a good recap!
Rang a friend, cleaned out a cupboard, played the piano, drank lots of water, did core and weights.
Punching on with Inexplicable Swim Dread - I talked myself out of talking myself out of it on Saturday: ever so proud I was. Bike = happy.
I was thinking I wouldn't start back to walk/running until the slightly higher-intensity riding and swimming and the significantly lower alcohol consumption made the kgs melt away, but IT'S BEEN A WEEK AND NOTHING IS HAPPENING ON THE SCALES OMG WHY WHY *smacks self on head, gets grip* so I might have to re-think that. I have Goals, my friends, running Goals and I need to get started smartish. More on that later. I am disappointed though. I need to focus on how well I've been feeling, and the several nice comments I've got about my appearance. IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT THE NUMBERS wellitkindofisbutnotreallythat'swhatI'mtellingmyself.
As coyly alluded to above, Operation Abstinence-Adjacent is going great guns. I'm very pleased with my strategies and my progress. Buy shares in Schweppes - soda and lime = yummo.
More anon, ivory-tinklers!

Psst

Wanna know a secret?
I'm doing a secret FebFast! Very slightly modified, but still, a radical departure from my current norm. NO drink at all from Sun-Fri - no light beer, no one glass of wine, no nothing. I'll celebrate on my birthday and our wedding anniversary, and that's that.
I'm not telling anyone except you, blog. It seems when I tell people I start to make excuses and then they let me get away with my excuses becuase they're kind and then there we are back at the old ways. So it's our secret, ok?

More anon, plotters!

Like it?

Waddya reckon? I really like it! Now it says what I am about this year.
I'll tell you all about it later as Godzilla wasn't about so I am going to the pool right now.
More anon, splashers!
*later*
 Swimming is one of my favourite things! It makes me feel happy! I'm going to do it more often! Today's was short becuase I want to go again tomorrow. I rode my bike to the pool which was fun too, and ticked off a couple of Goals in my Book. I heart my Book. It's purple!
So about the new blog...
I am absolutely grateful for the blessings in my life. I have a loving and supportive marriage, a healthy, happy kid, a more than financially adequate and satisfying job in a location I like very much, and I'm in pretty good health. Life is good.
I'm not making the most of it.
Over the last few years my full engagement with life has been eroded by deaths and worries and sadness and stress. I've stopped catching up with friends, and swimming, and riding my bike, and knitting, and playing the piano, and even planning so all these things can happen in the available time. It's time to do Life properly again! As I mentioned, I have a Book becuase I like a place to scribble. I'll probably summarise My Triumphs hahahahaha here every week, but the daily thoughts and ponderings will be done non-virtually. I'm so retro, no?
Henyway (so French I am, non?), that's what this is about.
What do you do when you want to change things up?
More anon, violets!

yeah well

This staying focused thing is all very well. WAY harder than it looks, but. HOWEVER.
NOT GIVING UP. KEEPING AT IT.
Overall, far less drinking (except water, sloshing that stuff down  like ...um... water?) and noticeably more exercise.  My bike and I are having good times together! The pool has fallen victim to tiresome unscheduled adult responsibilities utter lameness, poor time management, and excuse-making. I AM NOT ACCEPTING THIS. Tomorrow is swimming day unless Godzilla stamps on the pool. If Godzilla stamps on the house, or the car if my togs are in the car, I will borrow another car, drive to the shops and buy some more togs. Actually, if Godzilla stamps on the pool I can go to the lake because my friend returned my wetsuit the other day. It. IS.ON.
Other goals: talking to friends is actually not so bad, who knew?
My house is being transformed, one drawer at a time. This is pleasant.
This blog is sounding demented. I love love love the tennis and it's been brilliant but it's turning me into a(n amiable) zombie. I'm going to bed now. 

I think I'll cut out these pictures and stick them around the place to freak me out when I start having good reasons making excuses for not working out. These are SCARY stop kidding yourself faces.
Just what I need :)
More anon, Death-starers!

Open up and say ahhrrrr!!!

Hi Blog!
So how did it all go, you ask? Life at Chateau LBTEPA this week has been interesting, and complicated. Interesting in that I kept remembering, oh, that's right, that's how you do that, and complicated in that we are in the midst of a Major Family Upheaval which has resulted in a close family member moving in with us indefinitely and also in many rather painful conversations. But these things happen. In addition, The Spousal Unit's primary work is longer as my domestic engineer so I'm having to dust off ye olde household management/multitasking skills. Oy karumba!I am so rusty!
1. drink a big glass of water first thing every morning DONE even though sometimes the water was consumed at 11am because that's when I remembered. Like most changes, it's a matter of REMEMBERING which takes PRACTICE, which is, fortunately, an LBTEPA core skill.
2. clean out a cupboard DONE so very many more to do.....le sigh....
3. ring a friend DONE this morning because I knew I'd be writing today, thank you goal list
4. 2 swims, 2 bike rides, plus walk/running. Errrr... 3 bike rides plus walk/running. I learned PREPARATION IS EVERYTHING ie check the compressor battery is charged the day before you plan to ride because your tyres WILL need to be pumped up and you will get very cross about how long it's all taking. MUST get to grips with reluctance to swim.
5. physio exercises every day - done every day!....until all the therabands broke one after the other in a hilarious series of snaps that had to be a good ab workout from laughing so much. I've subbed in a little core set instead. I'll buy more theraband tomorrow.
6. Alcohol-free days (aim: 3). Errrr.....Two completely free days but focus on sipping on other days (see 'Major Family Upheaval')
7. No fashion blogs. What time suckers. During a brief skim on Saturday morning I realised they're far less interesting than I remembered. Temptation decreasing.
What's next, you ask? I want to reinforce this stuff. It's not automatic or even my preferred mode yet. Then I'll go bigger. Therefore this week's goals are:
1. drink a big glass of water first thing every morning
2. clean out a cupboard or shelf
3. ring a friend. Isolating myself is a very bad habit.
4. 2 swims, 2 bike rides, plus walk/running
5. physio exercises every day
6. Alcohol-free days on Wednesday, Thursday and Sunday
7. No fashion blogs.
Insight of the week: Stuff is how it is, and you can either wallow, or accept that it's there and get on with things. Helloooo Captain Obvious!

More anon, me hearties!

Now The Plan Is This

hahaha not really 

Hi Blog
I'm back!
It's nice to be back from such a brilliant trip, and to declare 2015 OVER. What a stupid year it was. I got back from hols yesterday and start work tomorrow so I'm in a bit of a rush today, so this will be quick.
This weeks' goals:
1. drink a big glass of water first thing every morning
2. clean out a cupboard
3. ring a friend
4. 2 swims, 2 bike rides, plus walk/running
5. physio exercises every day
6. Alcohol-free days on Wednesday, Thursday and Sunday (being specific is part of the Master Plan, bwahahaha)
7 No fashion blogs. What time suckers. 
See you next week! 

Resolute

Bonjour Blog! Still in France, still hammering the museum pass and being a proper culture vulture. Not to mention the bread....oh my I am so spoilt now. The bread at home will be intolerable. But I have Had Thoughts. Oh yes I have.
It seems I am quite easily discouraged these days. How to remedy this? Quick wins. So my resolution this year is to blog weekly, with a weekly resolution, all of course aimed at the Bigger Goal of getting properly fit and dropping significant lard. For example, when I get home the first week's resolution will be to swim and ride my bike twice each (plus the normal walk/run) and have four alcohol free days. I can do that for a week. Then I'll do it, and more, for another week. Then one day I'll wake up believing I am self-disciplined and can stick to a regime, because I'll already be doing it. Genius. Must be the Parisian air :)

More anon, Euro-trash!

Next year

Next year, my pretties, next year...is when the healing and strengthening of this year are combined with more fitness and less lard - and more blogging! I have a feeling about 2016....and what's more I have INTENTIONS and PLANS and ENERGY to work hard at them. It could well be epic. We shall see.

In the meantime we are GOING TO PARIS TOMORROW!!!!!!

and then to Malaysia! We are beyond excited.

Stay safe over the break, if you get one, and hug your loved ones.
More anon, globe-trotters!

Is there anywhere you'd rather be?

This race report has taken so long to get done! I did start it about a week after the race, and it was a complete ripsnorter if I do say so myself, but the blogger ate it and  I was all discouraged and then life got crazy and somehow I didn't even want to remember it at all for some reason. Maybe I was in an 'all too hard' headspace? I do go there sometimes...but seeing as I'm doing another half next Sunday (!!??!!??!!) which I have entered purely on the strength of how magic this one was, I am going to cement this in my memory right here and now. ONWARD!

The 2015 Melbourne Half Marathon was one of the great ones - just a really, really good day.Of course as seems always the case it was a bloody drama leading up - I got so very sick I was just staying upright and utterly dreading race day. Luckily we live in the 21st century, despite efforts of medical providers in my town to have us believe otherwise. Picture your heroine at 5.40 a.m. g00gling 'Melbourne CBD walk-in clinic' before hopping the train, in the faint hope that a Big Smoke dr would take pity on her - then picture her relieved delight when she found a clinic near the station with facilities to make online appointments! Up yours, neo-Luddites! The wonderful, kind, perceptive doctor looked at me and, in stark contrast to what I would have got from the I'll-make-you-beg-for-antibiotics-becuase-you've-already-had-some-this-year neanderthals at home, said you look shocking, here, have some medicine. We might have to move back to the Big Smoke. I heart that doctor so much.
Armed with my magic pills I made my way to the hotel and took myself to bed. After an afternoon watching travel and cooking documentaries I was sufficiently revived to both meet the Mighty Emma's gorgeous new beau, and to partake of sustenance. Things were looking up.
Next morning all was even better. I could pretty much take a full breath whenever I felt like it and my head wasn't aching. It was a nice cool morning and I was filled with delight to be in a starting crowd again. The Mighty Emma and I did our usual alternating oscillating between ohshitohshitwe'reallgoingtodieeee and ohmygoshi'msoexcitedthisissoawesome, luckily refraining from actually killing each other.
The gun went off and within minutes it became clear that any plans I'd had about (ahem) 'running' were Not Happening. I tried run 1 min walk 3 for the first couple of km with the only outcome being increasingly nauseated dizziness and a stupidly niggly calf (of which more later). I cracked the sads for a bit and even contemplated bailing. Luckily for me, and for the five faithful readers of this race report, I had a good hard look at myself and essentially (ok, literally, aloud) told those thoughts to F--- Off - they were no use to me. So I talk to myself when I'm racing, whoopee do. If I was walking this half, then I was walking it the absoulte best I could. It. Was. On.
I trundled up St Kilda road telling my story to anyone who slowed down enough for me to catch them. Steroids make me chatty but they all seemed understanding.  It was a lovely morning, cool and sunny. I have so many pleasant memories of all the places on the course that it was one joyful recollection after another fuelling my pace. I kept re-focusing over and over. Form form form. Effort effort effort. It started to get painful around Albert Park so I got a bit creative with my self-talk. I am Godzilla crushing this race, rooooaaaarrrr!!! Pain? I don't fear pain! I charge at pain! I trample it! On and on I strode. It was nice when we got back on to St Kilda road again with all the buzz of the full marathoners on their way. My (almost) favourite part was when we turned left behind the National Gallery to do a little loop around the Concert Hall and under the Arts Centre. As a Slow Marathon runner we get sent on another course, so I'd never been there and I was So Excited. I was just so excited to be out there, to be feeling strong, to be in the sun surrounded by My People all sweating together working hard. I felt fierce and happy and determined which is the Best feeling Ever. I missed it so much before so I soaked up every second.
Mind you I did crack it for a bit when we were sent straight into the 5k runners. 'Just stay on the left' the marshall said. 'You shouldn't be here' a charming member of the oncoming hordes screamed at me. 'YOU'RE ON MY COURSE' I muttered furiously to myself.
I also could have done without being run into by the junior 3.5km runners and their parents, awesome consideration of the slow runners again but this is the Melbourne Marathon and they're about quantity not quality, and without the steep pedestrian bridge at 20km.

I was getting pretty tired by this point and only realised by the glares around me that I was saying I don't know who the **** William Barak is but I ****ing hate him out loud.... ooops... hashtagsorrynotsorry.

Now this terribly sentimental song here could have been written about my group of uni friends. It reminds me of such happy times and sums up so much of why Melbourne is my town. At 2.15 ish there's a line 'is there anywhere you'd rather be than with me at the MCG?

.....and would you believe it, that's what was playing when I ran into that great stadium! The sky was blue and there was that fabulous buzz from loads of happy excited people and I was running, becuase I'd sworn I was going to run around the 'G even if I didn't run another step, and Weddings Parties Anything were playing and I had tears in my eyes because I was strong again and it was all just perfect.
My time? 3.34 off my face on steroids and antibiotics and with a bung-ish leg, just three minutes slower than well and intact in July. I got a medal. It's all very good.
The End


Since then the calf has been giving me curry so I have been working diligently to strengthen it and to modify my gait. A playlist for Sunday has been prepared with exactly three hours thirty minutes of music on it, for that is my goal. It's three days out and I'm not even sick, so things are looking very promising
More anon, trotters!

Behold!

On Sunday, most likely with help from ventolin, cough syrup and immodium if the week's trend continues, I'll be covering 21.1km on foot. Yay!! It'll probably take me close to four hours (see above, plus the 20-odd extra kgs I'll be hauling around) but you know what?

Last Christmas I couldn't walk Noddie to school without pain. I had to think about every single step I took. Now, if I can walk/run a half marathon, then I will do so, wheeze and cough be damned. Especially one where the finish is in a great big cool stadium with 10000 of my closest friends, including The Mighty Emma, YAY! Team Stupidly Determined races together again!! and I get a medal!
The Spousal Unit and I had lunch today with a non-sporty friend. When I spoke of my plans for the weekend, she got a very funny look on her face

I mentioned this to the Spousal Unit later: she thinks I'm mad, doesn't she? Do you think I'm mad? Well, quoth he, you've always been a bit mad...nothing wrong with being a bit mad.
I *heart* the Spousal Unit.
I've made up a playlist for Sunday with three hours 59 minutes of music. My goal is to only hear any of it once. But if not... behold the field! I'm just soooo taken with that!
More anon, caution-tossers!

ermergerd

ermergerd it's been more than a month since I put pen to paper (as it were). I'm plugging away at more fitness/less lard, with more success at the former, but that'll do for the moment. My main focus is to Keep At It no matter what. I'm not getting discouraged becuase I haven't done what I planned, instead doing what I can - taking into account we're still quite a tired sad household - I can't believe it's only ten weeks since J's dad died - and Noddie has been busy being startlingly impressive all over the place (apologies to my effbee friends for the slightly sickening succession of Proud Mum posts). The leadup to taking two whole weeks off  was MENTAL - including the insane dance teacher's impossible costume demands!

yes I made these, figjam eh? and I can apply false eyelashes and eyeliner wings like a BOSS me stressed? hahahahahahaaaaaaaa

- and now we're nearly through eisteddfodd week, involving 13 performances in 3 towns (2 solos, 2 duos and 2 troupes, so "only" six costumes thank ****). We worked out we've covered more than 1500km this week! Noddie loves dancing and works very hard at it, so even though it's an alien and faintly disturbing world to me, I'm happy to be the least crap Dance Mum I can be (I'll never be good at it. Song and dance makes me want to poke myself in the eye with a pencil).  I'm walking when I can, (ahem) 'running' when I can, and taking great pleasure in being able to run up the many many stairs in dance theatres. I couldn't do that a few months ago - thank you glutes for coming to the party at last, and thank you 10000 reps of physio exercises! I'm resigned to a slow melbourne half marathon in a few weeks, but far more focused on how wonderful it is to be able to just say, oh well, walk/running 21.1km will take me over 3 hours at the moment when last Christmas my goal was to walk 2km without soreness. It's all good!

more anon, divas!

onya bike, Noddie

I am such an idiot.
What do I think about and worry about and get upset about? My health and fitness!! And what do I prioritise? My work and the housework and the family and every other bloody thing and not what's important. Certainly family and work have to come first when they need to come first , but acting as though fitness is the unimportant afterthought, when to me it clearly isn't, makes no sense at all!

Oy karamba. (sound of LBTEPA smacking head).
And another blinding flash of illumination: my main weakness is my core and glutes, I need to ramp up my cardiovascular fitness, I can't really walk/run every day....and I have a bike that isn't on its trainer....
well it is now.
More anon, pedal-pushers!

of mice and men

The entire story of the last few months could be 'life got in the way of my best laid plans'. But it never used to, even when things were super-challenging, so it's my doing really. I have to keep working at it, just chipping away at making exercise an always-do/who-I-am thing rather than a negotiable priority. I'll work it out. I'm a bit peeved becuase my lower back has taken to spasming and shrieking at me, which is unpleasant. I'm hammering the roller and stretching and if it hasn't come good by next week I'll go back to the cranky and disapproving yet extremely good physio.
I've pondered the 'do the open water swim without a wetsuit and be sneered at running up the finish chute as my unconstrained lard flops about' - this DID happen last year (I DO have togs on, in case that gave the wrong impression!) - and have come to the conclusion that I must focus on the 30 min of enjoyable swimming not the 90sec of humiliation at the end. I can't get my wetsuit back as the person to whom I have lent it is a) training for her first ironman b) afraid of water and c) also doing the event. meh.
Then again, I could lash out for a ticket to Brisbane instead to see my footy team, who this season have made me very very happy with their best performance in many a long year....hmmm... hot blokes in tight shorts and a reasonably likely win? Hmmm.....

More anon, flyboys!

....just quickly

ok so now the excitement has subsided and we are back into Real Life, boooo, The Plan for the res of the year Is This
- swim the Hazelwood Pond 1.5k swim with my friend on 5th Sept. This will involve actually going to the pool in the intervening time, a novel concept these days. I can do it
- Melbourne marathon half
- no full marathon - can't do it physically in the time, and even if I was about 3 months ahead of where I actually am, domestic imperatives dictate that I don't have available time to lay down super-long training walk/runs. Not upset by this. I'm not doing underdone sufferfests. Nor is endurance sport either my job or my highest duty.
- Sussan half marathon in December,if the date fits with the aforementioned domestic imperatives.
- Sub-goal - get to a reliable 2km of non-stop running so I can do the mini-triathlons our club runs every spring and summer. I'd love to drop a few kg on the way but if that happens it'll be a bonus.
Here we go!
I pinched this from the MIghty Tea. Thanks darl!
More anon, bling-chasers!

How did it go?

How did it go? I absolutely effing SMASHED IT. I was FIERCE. I went as hard as this heavy weak body could go, ALL THE WAY. It felt MAGIC. I did not falter. I stuck to the plan, and concentrated, the whole three and a half hours. That's more than half an hour faster than I was expecting, I'll have you know, and I wasn't wearing a watch so it was just go go go and then the best feeling ever at the end! I was so happy, all the way! There were hardly any times I wished I had another hobby :) When I was coming up the (mercifully short) finish chute, (for I was well and truly had it), I was laughing and laughing - such elation! Oh my goodness I love that feeling!
And let me tell you, the shower you have after racing  for several hours and then driving 300km home (ewww) is the best shower ever.

In like Flynn

Here at Chateau LBTEPA we are moving from utterly shocked to mourning J's dad, and getting on with all the house-sorting and what-will-we-do-with-the-dog -ing stuff. Thank goodness there's no hurry.
I had a brilliant walk on the trail on Friday. I think I've conquered my shoe issues - touching wood - I'm finding nutri-grain a good pre-long-workout breakfast that doesn't fight with the gels (don't shudder!),  and I was certainly faster than I expected!
Just to cover all my bases, and to make sure that I won't be doing a 600km round trip 'for the satisfaction of finishing', I rang the race organisers asking to confirm that even if it does take me 4.5 hours to finish 21.2km, there will be a) a finish line and b) a medal for me. They rang back this morning, answering in the affirmative to both.
Ack! As my dear friend the Mighty Emma would say, ohshitohshitohshit we're all going to die! 
Oh who am I tricking? I am so looking forward to this! I know it'll be hard work, that I am quite underdone, and there will be times when I will feel embarrassed and hopeless and ashamed of my weight and my pace. These times will be fleeting! I will be focussed on the fact that last December my goal was to walk Noddie to school, 1km from my house! Now I'm sooking about being too slow over 21.1km! I am so lucky!

I was going to put another photo up because this one makes me look fat, but then I remembered a conversation I had with the Spousal Unit on the weekend. I said, you know what? Last summer I was fat and weak and broken and depressed. Now I'm strong and getting stronger, and happy, and fat. Can't grizzle about that!
More anon, stompers!

I think I will

You know what? I looked up the cutoff time for the half marathon I was planning to do in a couple of weeks' time....and there isn't one.  

I've paid, I can walk 21.1km, they have to wait. Then I get bling. I think I'll do it .

 

 see? Niiiiice bling.......

More anon, gluttons for punishment!

JKM

In answer to the question posed by the redoubtable Cilla, to whit: so? How did it go? The short answer is - well! which could also be accurately written well.....
I had about ten days feeling really well after the everlasting chest infection and started to build a routine of early rising and daily exercise..and then....
my sinuses started acting up...I couldn't believe it...I felt beside myself and frantic. I was poking around at the chemist looking for a magic potion or a new head or something, anything, when the chemist, one of the ironman finishers at our tri club (I know this but he doesn't know me) suggested a whiz-bang nasal douche that 'always worked for him'. Apparently it's isotonic or hyperbaric or mesiolithic or something, I can't remember and I don't care - it's the bees' rollerskates! Three days and my schnoz was as cooperative a schnoz as one could wish for!  This could really be a game changer.  I was able to whiz off to a regional health conference and walk before work and at lunchtime and go to the gym and think about rearranging life to revolve around exercise again. And then......
Four days after that (Wednesday of last week) my father-in-law died, very suddenly. He's been very frail for a while, but this was one of those shocking nice day with the family, out to dinner with friends, drop in his tracks on the way to bed and be found 14 hours later by the meals on wheels lady five minutes before the Spousal Unit and Noddie arrived to have lunch with him situations. Not unexpected, but shocking.
We decided we'd still go on our  weekend road trip that we'd organised months ago, on the principle that we could feel miserable just as well driving around the state as at home. I think it was a good idea, but it was three nights away from home, then two nights in our own bed before leaving for Melbourne again for the the funeral. Funerals are very tiring to organise and attend, I find. But I delivered a ripper euplogy even if I do say so myself.
Now we are home again, and in three days I'll be back at work after what's felt like being dumped by a huge wave onto an unfamiliar beach.
The Run Melbourne Half I planned for two weeks' time isn't happening. Nothing that hasn't been about keeping everyone going has been happening. Just Keep Moving has been the LBTEPA way. Keep the washing going, make sure there's food, answer the phone. The self-care standards I've set have been fairly low - drink heaps of water, get to the gym a couple of times and go for the odd walk. This of course has implications for my planned marathon later in the year - 42km is a long way even when you're walking, and I don't do underdone sufferfests. In a week or so, when life and sleep and exercise settle down, I'll have a think and set some goals. Stay tuned......
More anon, staggerers!