- most people in my family 'carry a bit of weight'
- I'm an emotional eater and drinker
- there's been a bit of extra stress at Chateau LBTEPA this last little while (thankfully nothing serious, but above our "cope with easily" level)
- my next marathon is in 22 days and lighter is better when I'm a) carting 80-ish kg for 42.2km and b) even more underdone than usual
- some of my painstakingly-shed lard has made a comeback. #$%*! #$%&!!
- suck up that this is all very boring. I've been at uni forever. I can do boring.
- refrain from diving into the I hate myself pool when I get on the scales
- write down Every Single Thing I eat. This does actually work for me, especially during the 5-7pm shovelling-stuff-into-my-gob-will-make-this-overwhelmed-feeeling-go-away arsenic hour, but still, booooooorrrrrrrrinnnnnnnnnngggggggg
The things I do for bling...........
After a couple of surprising conversations with colleagues whom I would have expected to know a hell of a lot better, I do feel I have to make the comment that I do not subscribe in any way to the "lighter/smaller = healthier" point of view. Whenever anyone mentions to me that they're wanting/trying to lose weight, my response is "why?". If the answer is not "becuase I believe (not "becuase my dr told me") that this will improve a specific health indicator", or "becuase 42km is a long way to cart 80kg" did you see the self-justification there? then I become quite tiresomely challenging about mindlessly buying into distorted social mores about size and attractiveness. Ask anyone.
I think that as an older, larger, slower athlete - with, it must be admitted the full set of body image issues oh my let's not take the lid off that box - the balance between self-acceptance and not wanting to move so much mass around 42.2km did I mention VSM#5 is coming on like a train ohshitohshitohshitwe'reallgoingtodiiiieeee might always be a dilemma for me. But that's ok. The main thing is to be thoughtful about things. And not boring.
More anon, sleepwalkers!
Friday, September 16, 2011