Planet Hoppity - FINAL REPORT

NOTE: This post contains gratuitous smileys.

LEVEL OF SUCKAGE - High.
Not "Very high" or "Extreme" - I have a loving supportive family, a nice, warm house and a tolerant boss. Most importantly, this is temporary. It's just been a BIG pain

HOW OVER THE WHOLE F#$%ING THING I AM - Indescribably

HIGHLIGHTS
I was going to say NONE, but this little ‘crisis’ has really brought the Spousal Unit and me closer together. He has been tremendously supportive and I am so grateful and proud of the way he has stepped up. Don't worry, I've told him so! In a strange kind of way I've enjoyed not having any goals or expectations of myself for a while. A low-pressure, no-plan environment seemed the best way to get through this. And J has awarded me 9 out of 10 for how I’ve dealt with this whole tiresome affair LOL.

LOWLIGHTS
-Getting stuck at the top of an escalator at the station with Noddie halfway down crying hysterically because she'd left Mummy behind.
-Pain
-Leaking garbage bag (= wet (= cold) foot for two days)
-Finding it so easy to live a ‘nothing’ life – is there something wrong with me that I can drift along in limbo for two months without really caring?

LOOKING FORWARD TO
-Being in a pool (mmmmmmmmmmmm……floating...….)
-Not keeping my mind carefully blank about the future
-Not having to ask people to get me a cuppa
-Carrying things
-Pushing Noddie on the swing at the park
-Stepping on to an escalator without thinking about it
-Driving my own zippy little manual car instead of the clunky auto station wagon
-Not having to organise 2 garbage bags sticky tape and scissors to have a shower.
-Dancingyes, this is how I dance. Suck it up.
-Getting in and out of a car easily
-Two warm feet
-Not having stiff shoulders and tired hands every morning
-Wearing necklaces and low-cut tops (trust me, these are not the go when on crutches)
-Using my nice work bag not a shopping carry bag
-Wearing two shoes and matching socks
-Not having to think about the practicalities of every bloody thing all the time

NOT THINKING ABOUT
-Walking any distance
-Running
-Riding my bike
-Wearing my gorgeous heels
-Racing. Mother’s Day 2008 is looking good
But guess what? I just entered the three of us in the Father’s Day 5km walk on Sept 2nd. We all need some bling! Two more sleeps and I'm out of here.

More anon, Rip Van Winkles!

Oh, the plans I have made!

Five sleeps to go until I leave planet hoppity! *does happy hop*
You should just see the lovely lovely chart I've put together to kickstart my return to mobility. Oooooh it gives me tingles, so many gorgeous columns for every day and targets and achieved and weekly weight; so many sexy rows for exercise and water (yes) and after-work binges and takeaway (no). I am absolutely tingling all over at the thought of crossing off all those dear little boxes with my red texta.

No, really.
Don't make that face. You knew I was odd.

that's just silly

*crackling radio noise*...sports commentators fade in.....
aaaaand in a verrrry disappointing loss of form after a solid and consistent first half, LBTEPA has dropped the ball, yes, dropped it and it's rolled right away into the corner. This is inexplicable, she doesn't even seem to be looking for it, she's just wandering around gloomily with a complete lack of focus, what a disappointment for this capacity crowd.....oh this is such a shame Phil, she's cracked like a walnut in this tough stage.....

But wait! In yet another astonishing reversal of form, LBTEPA has found the ball and picked it up - she has turned the corner, lifted her game and is back in town! In the greatest comeback since Lazarus she's come out snarling, taken a good hard look at herself, and had a red hot go! She's got back to basics, dug deep, and is just happy to get the four points*. She's moving with purpose, and the cheerfulness we have come to expect! Well Michael it just goes to show a slump isn't a life sentence. Go LBTEPA go!

and the crowd goes wild!

More anon, barrackers!
*Let's see how many Coodabeen Champions footy cliches I can work into this.

Unusual fauna sightings

My living room, 6.10pm Friday night.
We were watching The Tour, as you do (surely you do? But there's an angry and devious peleton! What's not to love?) as it zoomed across the windswept Camargue, when Noddie called out excitedly.
Look Mummy, lots of emus! Lots of pink emus!*

More anon, ornithologists!
*Now she thinks 'flamingo' is the funniest word ever

Missed it

My very first post was on Monday July 17th 2006. Happy New Year!

* sorry about deleting the last post. I decided it was both too personal AND too boring

J and the giant killer

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS THE WORD PHLEGM. NOT MINE, BUT DISGUSTING NONETHELESS.

Sit down before you read this - but my poor Spousal Unit has actually taken himself TO THE DOCTOR because he feels TOO SICK TO GO TO WORK.
I know, I know.....I'm as astounded as you are.
He rang me earlier to tell me he has bronchitis and a chest infection and has to take super-mega-antibiotics and stay home from work (under the lovely soft fuzzy new blanket mmmm) for two days.
Oh, how I laughed. In hurt tones he enquired, why do you titter so? (yes we do talk like that, shut up). I replied, well....

I really wish that I ever ever said "I told you so" ('cause I never ever do*) because I've been saying for ten days that green phlegm (I warned you) and a cough and a temperature mean you're SICK and you should go to the DOCTOR, so IF I ever said "I told you so" then this would be the perfect time, but I don't*, so I'm laughing at you instead.

And he laughed too. Poor lambie.

I am fine, thanks for asking (touching wood and chugging vitamin C). Noddie has the sniffles but I saw on Dr Phil (I said shut UP) that they're meant to have 8-10 colds a year (???) so she's underachieving badly and this is a chance for her to catch up. All ill-effects from the baked-potato incident have passed and I'm enjoying being back at work, which surprises me. I have composed a rude letter to the Glad garbage bag company pointing out that their product is supposed to be WATERPROOF, or is it just me who thought that? I'll be double bagging my foot from now on. Oh, the thrills, eh?

More anon, adventurers!

*This IS true. I think "I told you so" is a very unhelpful and sometimes destructive remark. I make heroic efforts to ensure that it never passes my lips despite, as you have observed, considerable provocation.

Would you like food poisoning with that?

Next time we have lunch at a shopping centre food court I will embrace the greasy and the sauce-covered and eschew the madly healthy baked potatoes with tabouli and POISON mushrooms.
Urrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh.
Back to bed now.

Smile smile smile

I had SUCH a good time at the Melbourne Coolrunning midwinter drinks on Friday night! They are the nicest, friendliest, funniest, most encouraging bunch of intimidatingly fit, fast and lean overachievers with whom it has ever been my pleasure to quaff numerous sherbets. Reports of my dancing on the table are exaggerated. I was particularly pleased to meet the lovely Morsey at last *waves*. She ran a 10km PB this morning so get over there and swamp her with comment love :)
In other news, do pop over to Duane's blog and congratulate his daughter Kelly on her first triathlon. Go Kelly go! Duane inspires so many people and I am sure he is bursting with pride at Kelly's effort.

Tomorrow I go back to work, eek!

Half way

Can it have been three weeks already?
Too right it can.
Three more weeks until the cast is OFF!
And what have I done in these three weeks? Sweet bugger all, that's what. I.AM.FED.UP.WITH.MYSELF.

Wait a minute, hang on.....

While I was debating whether to enable comments on this post, aka whether I would pathetically beg for sympathy and encouragement, I flicked over to G00gle Reader (have you set one up yet? Maaaaaate, how convenient is it? I waste so much less time flicking through blogs wondering if certain people have posted YET - this means YOU Sparkdriver, don't you DARE close down your blog!)
and Iron Wil had written yet another inspiring and thought-provoking post.
She wrote about how being mean to yourself because you haven't measured up to whatever standards you were aiming for, for whatever reason, makes you feel as bad and confused as when you were a kid and other kids were cruel to you and you didn't know why.
SO. TRUE.
I emailed back to her that I think people with very high expectations of themselves actually need to learn how to be friends to themselves (some lucky buggers may be able to do it naturally, I hate them LOL), and to remind themselves to stay on the KIND side of the "I'm doing my best and that's ok" vs "try harder and stop making excuses" divide.
Lately more than ever, I fall on the latter side. It's a constant tightrope of questioning - am I doing my best under the circumstances, or am I being lazy and slack? I wonder why it's easier to call myself mean names than to admit I'm not superwoman?
I'm not lazy. I do waste shameful amounts of time on the internet. I'm stuck on my thesis and scared of what will happen. I'm disappointed my spring and summer will be spent rehabbing and base-building instead of racing. My job is nebulous, unsupervised and unsupported. I'm 7kg heavier than I'd like to be. These things don't make me lazy or stupid or bad. They just are. Being mean and angry to myself about them isn't helping.
Nor is the wine-and-chocolate cure, alas! Although I'm more than willing to keep working on it :) Never say die, that's me!

I used to have a rule that I'd never say things to myself that I wouldn't accept from another person. I should go back to that, no? But.... if I stop trying to bully myself into action and start being kind to myself, I'll have to feel the fear, the shame, the sadness, and the helplessness ....bugger, eh? Oh well, friends help each other through these things. I will be a good friend to myself. I might as well, I'm stuck with me!

My other problem is I hang around with too many of you indomitable never-say-die types LOL. Never change, I can't do without you!

More anon, philosophers

This post bears no resemblance whatsoever to the one I was planning, but writing it has made me feel a lot better

Another thrilling installment

Mum and I went a bit mental last winter in the feathers yarn section of Spotlight and this is what happened.

As always, I took the "why make it small and tasteful when you can make it BIG and LAIRY?" approach. But mmmmm it's so cosy....

In other riveting news, I discovered that my thumb drive is washable!
Yes, this immobility thing is getting a bit old....
So why do I seem utterly incapable of getting to grips with my thesis?
Sigh....

Lame humour

Hahahahaha, lame, geddit? Oh I am just so funny......
Just remember next time you say, I could do that standing on one leg, you're probably right.
Unless it's emptying a large vase of flowers or getting washing off the line.
Today I am taking Noddie on our Saturday Train Adventure to the city. By myself. On one leg.
Huge thanks to the friend who blithely changed her pre-surgery promise of spending today helping me with my tearaway 3 year old (J is working) to coming over at 5.30pm with her boyfriend to cook us dinner. NOT!
But Noddie and I Will. Have. A. Good. Day.

The dining area at Southern Cross Station overlooks the tracks! What's not to enjoy?
*LATE EDIT* Noddie and I had a super outing. My Bulldogs and J's Magpies got up in thrillers. Friend and BF came over, cooked a delicious meal and we all had a lovely evening talking and laughing. Sickening, aren't we?

A happy day

I had a very happy day yesterday. I've been thinking whether to write about this but it was so important that I want to remember it. It's a bit more personal than usual so feel free to tootle off and come back when normal programming resumes later this week.
The Spousal Unit (hereafter referred to as TSU as he features heavily in this story) and I had A Talk. About a Serious Issue (SI) in our marriage. It's not really important what the issue was. I defy any Aussies reading to not hear Kath from Kath and Kim when they see the word "Issue". Mwahahah.
But the thing is, yesterday I felt as though TSU was really listening to me, and he didn't feel as though I was having a go at him. This probably happens 100% of the time for you clever-pants blissful-union types. TSU and I have to learn everything the hard way.
A few months ago I felt that, although we were trying as best we could, we were approaching a bit of a crisis. The SI was slowly starting to poison things. We weren't really unhappy, but we weren't as happy as I thought we could and should be. Even worse, we had a couple of massive blues which were so hurtful that I started to question whether TSU was who I thought he was. I was starting to get really worried about things. I'd tried and tried to explain my point of view but TSU didn't seem to want to, or know how to listen. I felt lonely and unsupported and I didn't know what to do. Then after one particularly horrid row, it struck me that he might be feeling the same way I was. Maybe he was being mean and defensive because, despite all my efforts to the contrary, he felt unsupported and lonely too?
I didn't want to think this. I wanted to stop trying and thinking and being generous. But not really. I really wanted Team LBTEPA* to be a team again.
What to do? What to do?
Not meaning to sound all Dr Phil here - what the heck, let's go there, shall we? I had to suck it up and see what I'd done to help create this situation. Recognise it, take it on board then try and change it.
So I wrote TSU a poem about how I was sorry I'd taken the easy road of seeing the bad instead of seeking the good. Stuff about how it was harder to make someone feel as though you have her back no matter what the situation, harder to let someone know that his wellbeing is the most important thing to you, harder to let someone know you're always on her side - and that from now on I would do the hard thing rather than the easy one. And I superimposed it over a nice sepia photo of us and hung it up in our bedroom (on his side of the bed LOL).
TSU isn't a 'talking about the relationship' bloke, but he did mention how the poem made him feel happier about things. Since then I've made a point of talking about Team LBTEPA more and reinforcing how happy I am to be in it with him.
I think my being incapacitated has helped too as TSU has had to man up, organise things and manage Noddie in a way he's never had to before. He's learning on his feet and doing a sterling job, BTW. Like anyone, he loves feeling competent and important and needed. Maybe he didn't get to feel like that enough before.
Which leads us to last night and The Talk. We both felt safe, comfortable and as though we were approaching a shared issue from the same side. And suddenly the SI wasn't so bad.
As I said, you blissful types might say, well duh! But we had to learn our own selves that if you don't focus on what's important it can start to slip away. And if your hearts are open you can get it back.
It's a happy day.

(from our fridge)

More anon, troupers!

*Team LBTEPA came into being when we toured Italy in 2002. We had our own little cheer and handshake, to be used when things were especially hairy (eg lost in the outskirts of Modena in the dark) or especially cool (eg upgraded to a suite). Names have been changed to spare your nausea at our mushiness.

Hoppity 101

Things to remember:
Lose 10kg
Do lots of upper-body work
NOTE: do this BEFORE you have to cart your lard around on crunches (as Noddie calls them).
Leave the packing tape in the bathroom (to do up the garbage bag over your cast when you shower).
Put scissors near towel, clothes etc so you can get the bag off after the shower.
You can bite through packing tape if you have to.
Don't try and do anything in the dark. There WILL be something to trip over.
The Naked Gun movies are hilarious.
Watching more than one at a time makes your brain hurt.
Don't pack away your bling - leave it hanging up where you can see it to remind you that being an athlete is a state of mind, not just activity.
Have a book at each sitting-down spot (kitchen, loo, couch, bed) so you don't have to cart them around.
A ham, cheese and tomato sandwich and a cuppa takes six trips to the fridge.
There's no hurry.
Having Noddie away at Nanny's for a sleepover and J away working on our rental house was lovely and peaceful.
I'm so glad they're back.

Beautiful

The surgeon is happy because the scar/swelling etc is all looking 'beautiful' (hmmm wonder what Mrs Surgeon looks like). It's kind of diagonally under the ankle bone - not where I thought it was, and a bit bigger than I expected.
I'm happy because my new fibreglass cast is much more solid, snug, and comfortable than the plaster. 5 more weeks, then when I return to see the surgeon I have to bring a shoe to wear home.
*And Jenny, I'm going to wear these.

Honestly Jeanne, I have barely moved this week. It's not far from the couch to the kettle.

Storm in a teacup

So the damn cast gets looser and looser and I lose my footing and trip and twist my foot inside the cast and it hurts like absolute #$%!! all day.
sh*t
sh*t
sh*t
sh*t
(that looks quite pretty with all those dear little asterisks, doesn't it?)

Off to bed now. Not so cranky tomorrow. It will be all better in the morning.
WEDNESDAY: I rang the surgeon's office. I'm seeing him tomorrow. That's good.

day 5 on planet hoppy

Feeling well enough to think about picking up my knitting needles today; have also learned an extraordinary amount about termites from an SBS documentary so I will be well prepared if ever stuck in the desert without antibacterial agents. I also learned how to pronounce chitin (the stuff insect exoskeletons are made of), which pleased me. Hey, it's my life.
I have been watching the live feed from Ironman Coeur d'Alene. I am utterly enamoured of that stuff. I get all teary when people run across the line with their kids or their parents. People who have had the guts to dream big and go after it - they put goosebumps on my arms. I want to be like them.
Speaking of which, pop over to Iron Benny's and Wil's blogs RIGHT NOW and congratulate them on their races this weekend.

For the first three days I was home from hospital I read back-to-back recovery-from-medical-disaster memoirs; suddenly I went utterly off that genre and have gingerly picked up Slow Fat Triathlete. That and some crappy detective stories should do the trick. A little bit of inspiration and some mind candy. I think it'll be a while before I feel like this, or this. Plenty of time.
What do you read to inspire you?

Hoppity

It seems my clever strategy of writing "NOT THIS FOOT!" on my good ankle was successful.

The surgeon reattached the ligament and removed a floating piece of bone (ewwww). No fusion or graft. Such a relief.
The first two days were absolutely f#$%ing excruciating, but everything is much better now.
Still a bit weary and dopey. My saintly Mama is staying with us and has taken Noddie on her Saturday Train Adventure as J is at work. I want to be like her when I grow up.
Plan "No dishes for me, mwahahaha!" still working well.

Thanks 100000000000000000000000000000 times for all your supportive comments and thoughts. I got all blinky when J brought them in for me to read. *wipes eyes again*
More anon, sleepyheads
oh, that's just me :)

SPOUSAL COMMENTS

Hi guys, Spousal unit here!!!!
At last access to the blog has been gained. Hours of searching for hidden passwords?? (I wish i had the patience)
NO I was given said password and strict instructions to inform everyone
of the outcome of todays surgery.
Well it goes like this:
After giving up precious hours of sleep I dropped off the good lady at
7.30am (no beds available at this time) so she gets to wait in the day surgery.
The operation went very well, it was the best case senario, where only stretching
and stitching back was required. The only minor hiccup was a 10cent piece of bone
found floating around, which was promptly removed. When I last saw the patient
she was about to self administer a dose of morphine (she said it was for the pain,
with a big grin on her face!!)
All being well she may be home tommorrow.
I certainly hope so, the dishes won't wash themselves.
Till next time we meet,
this is the spousal unit signing off!!!

Cranky for Australia!

Sche·ma
A diagrammatic representation; an outline or model.
A pattern imposed on complex reality or experience to assist in explaining it, mediate perception, or guide response.

I don't have a schema for this! I like schemas! I want a schema!
I have no idea what it will be like.
Like when I did my first half-marathon.
Or when I went into labour.
But not.
And they both worked out ok.....kind of...

I have only your wonderful support , fast healing, and a habit of optimism (I knew cultivating that would come in handy). I need nothing more. Just as well since it's all I have, no?

I am Olympic-standard cranky today. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
(In an optimistic, well supported way).


The surgeon's receptionist tells me I'm 'fifth on the list' (coo er hospital talk how flash) and I'll be 'done before lunch'. Hmmm.

I'm not sure when I'll be able to get back to a computer. I'll get the Spousal Unit to let you know how it goes.
Why are so many 'crutch' jokes popping into my head?


More anon, comrades.

Logic need not apply

I still cannot really get my head around the fact that I am voluntarily walking into a hospital with the intention of allowing my foot to be cut open. This makes no sense to me, yet I am still going to do it. I am deliberately subjecting myself to pain, temporary disability and significant inconvenience. What sort of nong am I? Don't answer that!
This endless wrestling match between logic and fear is quite distracting. Frontal lobes versus brain stem. Homo sapiens against australopithicus. I have been utterly unimpressed by my level of cheerful stoicism (why is there no abstract noun for frantic?), and as for moderation - all I can say is if you bear even the slightlest resemblance to a glass of wine, cheese, rice crackers or bread, then for your own safety, run, don't walk, away from me. Gentlemen may wish to look away here - it appears I am dealing with PMS as well as terror-induced loopiness. Great.
There's a wierd compulsion to do all the things I won't be able to after Thursday - swimming, walking with Noddie, hopping on a train, driving my car - although, strangely, not cleaning the bathroom or stocking up on groceries. I am over the casserole thing too, thank goodness. It struck me that if our situations were reversed, the Spousal Unit wouldn't be thinking he should clean the house from top to bottom or lay in supplies. I was acting as though I don't trust him to look after me. That's pretty disrespectful, and untrue. Understanding in my heart that I will get all the support I need has made all the difference.
Three sleeps to go.