Hungry?

The magnificent Cilla has asked a very good question - am I hungry? Bless her.

Yes. No. Sometimes. How would I know? Can I ring a friend?
I know why I eat when I'm not hungry (see 'Boring Whiny Shit/Why No One Reads This Blog') and I'm finally starting to set up new behaviours to make it less likely. Operation 'smaller portions/less cheese' is going well!
So is Operation Gumby. Stretching with Noddie the dancer is fun!

Daunting, but fun.
More anon, claymations!

Danger zone

Hi Blog
I'm thinking, thinking, always thinking...

and the 'danger zone' is after work, before tea. 'Cause I'll eat my tea anyway. That is another whole box of stuff to work on. Later.
Plans for this: ????listen to a meditation before I leave work. Objection - noooo not another 10 minutes when I could be at home! Counter-argument: let's give it a try and see what happens!
Absolute veto on eating between work and home. It's only a few minutes. Can do.
Talk to the Spousal Unit about a) less cheese and b) smaller portions. These have in the past been foreign and distasteful notions to him but he is noticeably trying to be more supportive lately so I shall stiffen the sinews and discuss it.
While I'm brainstorming, I will get some rescue remedy - that stuff is the bee's roller skates. I'll need it for next week's eisteddfod aaaarrrrrggggghhhhhhhhh........... and I reckon it might be good to use it more at/after work.
This is so effing boring that I want to bang my head against the wall.  But then so is being too heavy for my feet. Buy shares in strapping tape, people! Time to, as I have mentioned, harden up and do this.
More anon, contemplators!

Sleep, baby, sleep

HI Blog!
Conclusions/thoughts of the week:
I've been sleeping badly (reasons, reasons) and choosing to sacrifice exercise for sleep, as I 'have to be ok for work'. I might re-think this. I do need sleep but not exercising makes me sad. I'm sure there's an answer.
This weekend I was zen as billy-oh, 'detaching from a single preferred outcome' - such as actually 'getting time' on a weekend to do something I want, like paint the skirting boards or, oh, maybe go for a swim - like an absolute champ. This meant I was less angry, which might in future lead to more energy to problem solve about how I can reorganise things to prioritise my needs. One can only hope.
On that note, I am disproportionately proud to announce that THE STUDY IS CLEAN! It was chockers with  my late father-in-law's paperwork all in messy piles, and had to be properly looked at and sorted not set fire to as was my frequent wish. Now it's done! So I can set up my road bike on the trainer, and my Kona re-runs, and sweat happily away again. I ran into my physio at the pub, as you do, and she hath decreed that the plantar fascia shall not be subjected to walking, nor cycling unless in a rigid shoe. I'll buy some, becuase I like riding outside on the hybrid. It just then occurred to me to ask myself, why don't I want to ride the road bike outside in the dark mornings? It has lights.... hmmm. It's probably adjacent to 'why don't I want to go to the pool?' Answer = REQUIRES ORGANISATION which needs energy that I don't believe I have! But I do! This can be done, I just have to do it. Also see 'detaching from desired outcomes'.
People have accused me of over thinking things..............................
It's a worry how distant the 'I exercise becuase it's who I am' mindset has become. Maybe I should make myself a chart? That always used to work.

More anon, star-stickers!

Forget about the mountain

I've been watching the 2015 NBC Kona Ironman world championships in little chunks, as breaks form attempting to render our study habitable. Do not get me started OMFG what a saga. But I digress. Kona 2015 has provided my motto for the current somewhat trying circumstances. A bloke who did the race with a donor heart uttered the following wise words 
FORGET ABOUT THE MOUNTAIN YOU HAVE TO CLIMB. 

FOCUS ON THE NEXT STEP YOU HAVE TO TAKE

Thanks, Kona bloke! You've shown me what to do!

More anon, tiptoers!

*edit* AND THEN this article ablout how 'the obstacle is the way'

POPPED UP IN MY FEED! Spooky......

pf

Hi Blog!
Just when w thought it was all going splendidly, life lobs us a reality check. I love working up a glow on the trail, but at present it doesn't love me. Both heels are complaining bitterly. This feels like the beginnings of plantar fasciitis, with which, as you may recall, I have had dealings before. Messing abut with this bodes only ill. Hence I have withdrawn from Run Melbourne.
This is so ****ing boringly repetitive I want to bang my head on the wall.
It looks as though I am going to have to really focus on losing weight, in order to get as fit again as I want to. No sneaking around it. Bleah.

More anon, nibblers!

Lightbulb

What was I THINKING? I LOVE this!

More anon, trailblazers!

sooky la la free zone

why didn't I want to do the run melbourne half in July? Because I'm tired. Because I've been under a lot of pressure. I don't feel like it. Whinge whinge whinge.
Hello? This is the Harden Up Fairy, calling bullshit. I'm 49, not 79! I went to Paris to have a rest, and have been banging on ever since about how I'm all recharged this year! Life is about pushing yourself, being your best, and making the world a better place! Not sure how my shifting gears into JFDI mode will help with the latter, but whatever. I Am In.

More anon, staggerers!

Possibilities

Hi Blog!
My week's been very heartening. I'm loving the 'little and often' approach. The poor Spousal Unit had to go back to hospital on Tuesday morning In A Big Hurry because the kidney stone wasn't moving, but luckily he's all better now; but to actually get to the point, Tuesday was the only day I didn't work out. I can get my head around the don't-wanna/too-fat/so-much-lost/what's-the-point DREAD, for that is what it is, when I'm 'only' doing 20 minutes, or a quick spin into town, or 800m. And every day I do it, I feel better and better, more energised and more determined. Most some most of the time anyway. It's even spilling over into other things, like 'I'll just (hang out that washing, take down those cobwebs that have been annoying me for ages, put that op-shop bag in the car) while I have a minute'. I vaguely recall that this is how I used to be....
Stuff that's working: little and often, as stated.
Getting things ready the night before so I'm not looking for my socks at 6am when I want to be out the door. Charge the ipod.
Writing the blog.
A missed workout is gone.
This is not a chore, it's about getting to do what I want, eg: 'I want to (ride my bike tomorrow morning) so I need to (buy myself some new lights on the way home from work today). Totally Captain Obvious but it got a bit lost over the last few years.
Drink heaps of water and keep on top of the household stuff during the week. It pisses me off that our current household system leaves me doing a fair majority of All The Stuff, but that's how it's working at present, I don't have the energy to re-train and re-organise everyone right now, and if I just do it, I get to do my stuff too. If I sulk about it and put it off I don't get to do my stuff.
Meal planning and shopping ahead. When the Spousal Unit cooks, he's cooking what I want to eat. 
What's not working: sleeping in on Fridays. Not happening again.
I'm thinking of entering the Run Melbourne half marathon in July, but part of me thinks it's a bad idea when my focus this year is developing overall consistent fitness and exercise habits again. Will it shift my focus too much? Do I need the pressure? I'm not dealing too well with pressure at the 'mo. But then, you know, bling! And racing! And showing off! Hmmm.....

 

More anon, jugglers!

plans

My plans for the weekend didn't go ..as planned... sorry, that's terrible.
Saturday was supposed to be the usual morning shouting at Noddie being Mrs Music at dance practice, then a bike ride, which didn't happen becuase of horrible indigestion from trying a new sort of pie for lunch - and I never get indigestion so it tool me about three hours to realise I should have just popped a couple of antacids and got on with it. DOH.
Sunday was the day I caught up with all the undone stuff from when I was sick last week, like a million loads of washing, and meal planning, and food shopping so we wouldn't be eating strange things from the back of the freezer for two weeks in a row. Then I was going to the pool, but ended up at the hospital until 11pm while my poor darling Spousal Unit tried, unsuccessfully, to pass a kidney stone. Horrid to see him in such pain. They admitted him for better pain relief (which turned out to be far worse, and i am going to have their guts for garters, but that's another story).
But this is the Year I Do Things Better, and am CONSISTENT. So I got up at 6am and began My Running Plan. My legs are strong again and I can walk for hours. Time to up the intensity! This involves winning the suck up your pride and start where you REALLY are mind games that I have been practising with swimming. I went 2km today, run 1min walk 2 min. Whoopee friggen do said my Mean Comparing Self. STFU, MCS, said my Doing Everything Better self, and enjoy yourself! Look! You're running! It feels great! There are birds and flowers and people walking their dogs and morning mist. It's grouse! And it was. I'm going to keep up this run/walk schedule, with gradual increases, until I can smack out 5k without soreness, then increase the running. See if I don't.
The weekly schedule will run as follows: M run T bike W run T bike F swim S run or bike Sun swim. Lots and lots of little short repeatable consistent workouts. I can do this. I'm looking forward to doing this!

More anon, problem-solvers!

Better

This is The Year I Do Everything Better, so I got sick better! I allowed myself to be calm about it, and just rested and let the non-essentials go, which was anything except work and sleep. Having the antibiotics available the day I needed them, rather than several days later, has made a huge difference - I'm pretty much better already! The whole revolting, exhausted, head-full-of-nauseating-pressure experience has lasted only four days, not well over a week as usual. But I will take the whole course, I promise... I'm going to talk to a GP about getting more for next time. I might fluke meeting one who doesn't freak out when you want Drugs In Advance.
Today is 16 years since our wedding day! The Spousal Unit and I have had many great times, ups and downs, meanderings and abrupt changes of course in our life together. He's a top bloke and a terrific Dad and I'm looking forward to many more years of it.*Mwah!*

More anon, cherubs!

bastard sinuses strike again

One of the things I'm going to log this year is how often my sinuses get infected (told you this blog is no longer about being entertaining!). My sinuses aren't irritated - I have a good management strategy for when they are, involving disgusting nose-washing-out - but you didn't want to know that (see 'no longer entertaining' above). These are full-on, head full of painful, nauseating pressure with extra bonus shortness of breath, sore throat and aching joints infected. Luckily I have managed to procure an emergency antibiotics stockpile (thankyou France and your very different dispensing practices!) so I could start beating the little buggers into submission yesterday rather than having to wait until Friday to beg for some pills at the quack's.
I've managed NO exercise since Sunday, though. This is extremely disappointing. If I'm not better tomorrow - come on, drugs! Do your stuff! - I'm planning a walk or ride for Friday when I can go back to bed afterward if I have to. Bugger the housework.
More anon, poppers!

She's right, you know!

HI Blog!
Sorry I'm late! *insert usual excuses about life etc etc here*.
It's been a busy week and a reasonably good week, lots of life in it. But what I've been thinking about is some wisdom from the magnificent Tea, my good and kind internet friend. Tea took notice of my lame sooking about the scales not moving, and wrote down for me what she eats. It sounded brilliant, but also very daunting, nowhere even adjacent to what I eat now! Ever-patient, Tea explained that she didn't make the change all at once - change one thing each week and all of a sudden she was eating in a way that fuels her lofty athletic ambitions and extremely hard work.
She is, of course, spot on. Thanks goodness for kind, patient people who wait for you to work out totally obvious things! This week's change is ...drumroll... less bread!! Aim: less than once a day. It's going to be more of a habit-changing than a self-discipline thing - bread is so convenient! As are noodles and rice (future change targets). So far so good.
As for the other goals (because 'being interesting' is no longer the primary aim of this blog):
Water each morning: tick!
Exercise: three bike rides (including on the hotter 'n hell day of my birthday party), 2 swims (including the slightly overtired day after my birthday party) and a walk. I'm sucking up my pride and sticking to the very small distances in the pool. The key word for this exercise program is reproducible - can I do it again in 2 days' time? That will lead to consistency, and that will lead to progress.
Didn't weigh myself this week (see 'birthday party', above). 
Alcohol-free days - not 5 (see 'birthday party', above), also see 'emotions/feeling manipulated' (below). I'm on it. My circus, my monkeys. This week will be like the Sahara!
Didn't clean out a drawer, didn't ring a friend BUT invited a new friend to my party so that counts toward my goal of widening my social circle, no?
No piano. Must find a way to work that in.
I find the biggest obstacle to exercise and eating the way I want to is emotional. I'm noticing how manipulated I feel by my family's needs. This is MY  PERCEPTION. I have to find a new way of managing my responses to their/my 'shoulds'.
Sometimes focusing on myself so much is very boring, but it's less boring than feeling as though my life is pouring away before my eyes.
More anon, wanderers!

That went well

Hi Blog!
What an interesting week it's been inside my ever-chattering head.
I'll make this quick: a short recap is a good recap!
Rang a friend, cleaned out a cupboard, played the piano, drank lots of water, did core and weights.
Punching on with Inexplicable Swim Dread - I talked myself out of talking myself out of it on Saturday: ever so proud I was. Bike = happy.
I was thinking I wouldn't start back to walk/running until the slightly higher-intensity riding and swimming and the significantly lower alcohol consumption made the kgs melt away, but IT'S BEEN A WEEK AND NOTHING IS HAPPENING ON THE SCALES OMG WHY WHY *smacks self on head, gets grip* so I might have to re-think that. I have Goals, my friends, running Goals and I need to get started smartish. More on that later. I am disappointed though. I need to focus on how well I've been feeling, and the several nice comments I've got about my appearance. IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT THE NUMBERS wellitkindofisbutnotreallythat'swhatI'mtellingmyself.
As coyly alluded to above, Operation Abstinence-Adjacent is going great guns. I'm very pleased with my strategies and my progress. Buy shares in Schweppes - soda and lime = yummo.
More anon, ivory-tinklers!

Psst

Wanna know a secret?
I'm doing a secret FebFast! Very slightly modified, but still, a radical departure from my current norm. NO drink at all from Sun-Fri - no light beer, no one glass of wine, no nothing. I'll celebrate on my birthday and our wedding anniversary, and that's that.
I'm not telling anyone except you, blog. It seems when I tell people I start to make excuses and then they let me get away with my excuses becuase they're kind and then there we are back at the old ways. So it's our secret, ok?

More anon, plotters!

Like it?

Waddya reckon? I really like it! Now it says what I am about this year.
I'll tell you all about it later as Godzilla wasn't about so I am going to the pool right now.
More anon, splashers!
*later*
 Swimming is one of my favourite things! It makes me feel happy! I'm going to do it more often! Today's was short becuase I want to go again tomorrow. I rode my bike to the pool which was fun too, and ticked off a couple of Goals in my Book. I heart my Book. It's purple!
So about the new blog...
I am absolutely grateful for the blessings in my life. I have a loving and supportive marriage, a healthy, happy kid, a more than financially adequate and satisfying job in a location I like very much, and I'm in pretty good health. Life is good.
I'm not making the most of it.
Over the last few years my full engagement with life has been eroded by deaths and worries and sadness and stress. I've stopped catching up with friends, and swimming, and riding my bike, and knitting, and playing the piano, and even planning so all these things can happen in the available time. It's time to do Life properly again! As I mentioned, I have a Book becuase I like a place to scribble. I'll probably summarise My Triumphs hahahahaha here every week, but the daily thoughts and ponderings will be done non-virtually. I'm so retro, no?
Henyway (so French I am, non?), that's what this is about.
What do you do when you want to change things up?
More anon, violets!

yeah well

This staying focused thing is all very well. WAY harder than it looks, but. HOWEVER.
NOT GIVING UP. KEEPING AT IT.
Overall, far less drinking (except water, sloshing that stuff down  like ...um... water?) and noticeably more exercise.  My bike and I are having good times together! The pool has fallen victim to tiresome unscheduled adult responsibilities utter lameness, poor time management, and excuse-making. I AM NOT ACCEPTING THIS. Tomorrow is swimming day unless Godzilla stamps on the pool. If Godzilla stamps on the house, or the car if my togs are in the car, I will borrow another car, drive to the shops and buy some more togs. Actually, if Godzilla stamps on the pool I can go to the lake because my friend returned my wetsuit the other day. It. IS.ON.
Other goals: talking to friends is actually not so bad, who knew?
My house is being transformed, one drawer at a time. This is pleasant.
This blog is sounding demented. I love love love the tennis and it's been brilliant but it's turning me into a(n amiable) zombie. I'm going to bed now. 

I think I'll cut out these pictures and stick them around the place to freak me out when I start having good reasons making excuses for not working out. These are SCARY stop kidding yourself faces.
Just what I need :)
More anon, Death-starers!

Open up and say ahhrrrr!!!

Hi Blog!
So how did it all go, you ask? Life at Chateau LBTEPA this week has been interesting, and complicated. Interesting in that I kept remembering, oh, that's right, that's how you do that, and complicated in that we are in the midst of a Major Family Upheaval which has resulted in a close family member moving in with us indefinitely and also in many rather painful conversations. But these things happen. In addition, The Spousal Unit's primary work is longer as my domestic engineer so I'm having to dust off ye olde household management/multitasking skills. Oy karumba!I am so rusty!
1. drink a big glass of water first thing every morning DONE even though sometimes the water was consumed at 11am because that's when I remembered. Like most changes, it's a matter of REMEMBERING which takes PRACTICE, which is, fortunately, an LBTEPA core skill.
2. clean out a cupboard DONE so very many more to do.....le sigh....
3. ring a friend DONE this morning because I knew I'd be writing today, thank you goal list
4. 2 swims, 2 bike rides, plus walk/running. Errrr... 3 bike rides plus walk/running. I learned PREPARATION IS EVERYTHING ie check the compressor battery is charged the day before you plan to ride because your tyres WILL need to be pumped up and you will get very cross about how long it's all taking. MUST get to grips with reluctance to swim.
5. physio exercises every day - done every day!....until all the therabands broke one after the other in a hilarious series of snaps that had to be a good ab workout from laughing so much. I've subbed in a little core set instead. I'll buy more theraband tomorrow.
6. Alcohol-free days (aim: 3). Errrr.....Two completely free days but focus on sipping on other days (see 'Major Family Upheaval')
7. No fashion blogs. What time suckers. During a brief skim on Saturday morning I realised they're far less interesting than I remembered. Temptation decreasing.
What's next, you ask? I want to reinforce this stuff. It's not automatic or even my preferred mode yet. Then I'll go bigger. Therefore this week's goals are:
1. drink a big glass of water first thing every morning
2. clean out a cupboard or shelf
3. ring a friend. Isolating myself is a very bad habit.
4. 2 swims, 2 bike rides, plus walk/running
5. physio exercises every day
6. Alcohol-free days on Wednesday, Thursday and Sunday
7. No fashion blogs.
Insight of the week: Stuff is how it is, and you can either wallow, or accept that it's there and get on with things. Helloooo Captain Obvious!

More anon, me hearties!

Now The Plan Is This

hahaha not really 

Hi Blog
I'm back!
It's nice to be back from such a brilliant trip, and to declare 2015 OVER. What a stupid year it was. I got back from hols yesterday and start work tomorrow so I'm in a bit of a rush today, so this will be quick.
This weeks' goals:
1. drink a big glass of water first thing every morning
2. clean out a cupboard
3. ring a friend
4. 2 swims, 2 bike rides, plus walk/running
5. physio exercises every day
6. Alcohol-free days on Wednesday, Thursday and Sunday (being specific is part of the Master Plan, bwahahaha)
7 No fashion blogs. What time suckers. 
See you next week! 

Resolute

Bonjour Blog! Still in France, still hammering the museum pass and being a proper culture vulture. Not to mention the bread....oh my I am so spoilt now. The bread at home will be intolerable. But I have Had Thoughts. Oh yes I have.
It seems I am quite easily discouraged these days. How to remedy this? Quick wins. So my resolution this year is to blog weekly, with a weekly resolution, all of course aimed at the Bigger Goal of getting properly fit and dropping significant lard. For example, when I get home the first week's resolution will be to swim and ride my bike twice each (plus the normal walk/run) and have four alcohol free days. I can do that for a week. Then I'll do it, and more, for another week. Then one day I'll wake up believing I am self-disciplined and can stick to a regime, because I'll already be doing it. Genius. Must be the Parisian air :)

More anon, Euro-trash!

Next year

Next year, my pretties, next year...is when the healing and strengthening of this year are combined with more fitness and less lard - and more blogging! I have a feeling about 2016....and what's more I have INTENTIONS and PLANS and ENERGY to work hard at them. It could well be epic. We shall see.

In the meantime we are GOING TO PARIS TOMORROW!!!!!!

and then to Malaysia! We are beyond excited.

Stay safe over the break, if you get one, and hug your loved ones.
More anon, globe-trotters!