How did it go?

How did it go? I absolutely effing SMASHED IT. I was FIERCE. I went as hard as this heavy weak body could go, ALL THE WAY. It felt MAGIC. I did not falter. I stuck to the plan, and concentrated, the whole three and a half hours. That's more than half an hour faster than I was expecting, I'll have you know, and I wasn't wearing a watch so it was just go go go and then the best feeling ever at the end! I was so happy, all the way! There were hardly any times I wished I had another hobby :) When I was coming up the (mercifully short) finish chute, (for I was well and truly had it), I was laughing and laughing - such elation! Oh my goodness I love that feeling!
And let me tell you, the shower you have after racing  for several hours and then driving 300km home (ewww) is the best shower ever.

In like Flynn

Here at Chateau LBTEPA we are moving from utterly shocked to mourning J's dad, and getting on with all the house-sorting and what-will-we-do-with-the-dog -ing stuff. Thank goodness there's no hurry.
I had a brilliant walk on the trail on Friday. I think I've conquered my shoe issues - touching wood - I'm finding nutri-grain a good pre-long-workout breakfast that doesn't fight with the gels (don't shudder!),  and I was certainly faster than I expected!
Just to cover all my bases, and to make sure that I won't be doing a 600km round trip 'for the satisfaction of finishing', I rang the race organisers asking to confirm that even if it does take me 4.5 hours to finish 21.2km, there will be a) a finish line and b) a medal for me. They rang back this morning, answering in the affirmative to both.
Ack! As my dear friend the Mighty Emma would say, ohshitohshitohshit we're all going to die! 
Oh who am I tricking? I am so looking forward to this! I know it'll be hard work, that I am quite underdone, and there will be times when I will feel embarrassed and hopeless and ashamed of my weight and my pace. These times will be fleeting! I will be focussed on the fact that last December my goal was to walk Noddie to school, 1km from my house! Now I'm sooking about being too slow over 21.1km! I am so lucky!

I was going to put another photo up because this one makes me look fat, but then I remembered a conversation I had with the Spousal Unit on the weekend. I said, you know what? Last summer I was fat and weak and broken and depressed. Now I'm strong and getting stronger, and happy, and fat. Can't grizzle about that!
More anon, stompers!

I think I will

You know what? I looked up the cutoff time for the half marathon I was planning to do in a couple of weeks' time....and there isn't one.  

I've paid, I can walk 21.1km, they have to wait. Then I get bling. I think I'll do it .

 

 see? Niiiiice bling.......

More anon, gluttons for punishment!

JKM

In answer to the question posed by the redoubtable Cilla, to whit: so? How did it go? The short answer is - well! which could also be accurately written well.....
I had about ten days feeling really well after the everlasting chest infection and started to build a routine of early rising and daily exercise..and then....
my sinuses started acting up...I couldn't believe it...I felt beside myself and frantic. I was poking around at the chemist looking for a magic potion or a new head or something, anything, when the chemist, one of the ironman finishers at our tri club (I know this but he doesn't know me) suggested a whiz-bang nasal douche that 'always worked for him'. Apparently it's isotonic or hyperbaric or mesiolithic or something, I can't remember and I don't care - it's the bees' rollerskates! Three days and my schnoz was as cooperative a schnoz as one could wish for!  This could really be a game changer.  I was able to whiz off to a regional health conference and walk before work and at lunchtime and go to the gym and think about rearranging life to revolve around exercise again. And then......
Four days after that (Wednesday of last week) my father-in-law died, very suddenly. He's been very frail for a while, but this was one of those shocking nice day with the family, out to dinner with friends, drop in his tracks on the way to bed and be found 14 hours later by the meals on wheels lady five minutes before the Spousal Unit and Noddie arrived to have lunch with him situations. Not unexpected, but shocking.
We decided we'd still go on our  weekend road trip that we'd organised months ago, on the principle that we could feel miserable just as well driving around the state as at home. I think it was a good idea, but it was three nights away from home, then two nights in our own bed before leaving for Melbourne again for the the funeral. Funerals are very tiring to organise and attend, I find. But I delivered a ripper euplogy even if I do say so myself.
Now we are home again, and in three days I'll be back at work after what's felt like being dumped by a huge wave onto an unfamiliar beach.
The Run Melbourne Half I planned for two weeks' time isn't happening. Nothing that hasn't been about keeping everyone going has been happening. Just Keep Moving has been the LBTEPA way. Keep the washing going, make sure there's food, answer the phone. The self-care standards I've set have been fairly low - drink heaps of water, get to the gym a couple of times and go for the odd walk. This of course has implications for my planned marathon later in the year - 42km is a long way even when you're walking, and I don't do underdone sufferfests. In a week or so, when life and sleep and exercise settle down, I'll have a think and set some goals. Stay tuned......
More anon, staggerers!

Once more, with gusto

Once more cleared for action, on the morrow at dark o'clock our heroine will embark on the next section of her path back to fitness. So there.

The things you find on g00g1e images...I might have to change the name of my blog!

More anon, full-forwards!

trap for young players

ahem. This post describes a hot contender for the stupidest thing I have ever done.
working out is good, yes?
pushing through things is good, yes?
learn from me, young grasshoppers - do not, I repeat do not, go to the gym and work out when you have a chest infection, lest you should strain the chest wall with the effort of breathing, and feel so sick and sore with chest pain that you go to the hospital where they think you might be having a heart attack but of course you aren't so you feel like a complete dill.

But my blood pressure is down from the other week! Yay! It wasn't me, it was the bug!
More anon, beepers!

rhetorical

how am I supposed to exercise and lose weight and get strong and train for this bloody marathon when my chest hurts so much all the time and wakes me up?But I have a plan....

thinking, but not too much

 The LBTEPA train got rather hesitantly back on track on the weekend. I walked for over 2 hours, reasonably quickly; no running though, the lungs wouldn't stand it in the cold air.  My current challenge is to not live the next 6 weeks (until the half marathon I intended/have paid/was well on track to do before I got sick) all at once in my head. I can't write off walking on July 26th yet - but I will be able to tell quite soon whether it'll be worth the weekend away/train ticket/accommodation to have a crack at it. My call now, based on current progress, would be 'no', which is massively disappointing and a huge worry concerning my planned November marathon. See how it works? I have to live in the future a little bit, but too much time there and I'm all sad and discouraged. LBTEPA the tightrope walker.
I'm continuing the gym workouts. The pitilessly accurate mirrors are, alas, still there, as are the startled looks from people I haven't seen for a couple of years. But no matter - it's the price I pay to get stronger. It is what it is. I don't have to like it. On my first visit the chickybabe who wrote my program spouted now let me know if there are any exercises you don't like and we'll change them, the most important thing is that you enjoy yourself. 
No it isn't, quoth I sternly, the most important thing is that I do it. She looked puzzled, but the feeble notions of gym staff are not my problem.

A daily gobful of this and I'm sorted!

More anon, sluggers!

me and fred

Yesterday ate itself in the office- now that the Spousal Unit isn't working, I am am seeing more clients and doing more hours, and I had got a fair way behind with auditable (if that's a word) stuff after being knocked around by the everlasting lurgi, now thankfully in abeyance. Then, becuase my second major priority is family,  I had committed myself to picking up a kid in another town so Noddie could practise her new duo etc etc, so the day was pretty cactus. BUT because I've reinstated health as a major priority (three is manageable, do you think?), I hacked out 20 minutes from somewhere in the late afternoon before we headed off to Friday night at my father-in-law's.
I did feet and ankle strengthening, plus balance and agility AKA TAP PRACTICE!!! TAPPING IS SO MUCH FUN!!! I have to tell you, darls, I am just thrilled to bits with my newly-constructed ability to hop. 10,000,000 reps of glute strengthening exercises are boring but by crikey they are effective. I may have my theraband bronzed.

The Spousal Unit sometimes helps me practise

Off to the gym again now. I've even bought some new workout pants. Where will this end?

More anon, knock-hop-steppers!

on it

Went to gym didn't die didn't cry. Hate the mirrors. The end.

don't

In the spirit of 'if you can't be a good example be a dire warning', LBTEPA's press department has released the following sms from LBTEPA to her dear friend the Mighty Emma.

Nothing like 1st trip to gym in 18m for a reality check bp25 points higher both systolic and diastolic :( :( feeling so ashamed and overwhelmed far more work to do than I realised sat in car and cried nothing for it but to press on I know but wow who knew you could fuck things up so badly in 3 yrs of sloth

The gym people insisted on taking my blood pressure because they needed to know if I was going to have a heart attack. They had a new machine with a very big cuff. They told me that if my blood pressure had been two points higher I would have needed a doctor's letter to start using the gym. I was deeply, deeply shocked and upset. I went home very soon after that. I've been teary all day.
So learn from me, little ones.....
Watch where you're walking. Don't injure yourself on a fucking piece of concrete 3cm high. Be more assertive with your medical professionals. Don't take months and months to get diagnosed and treated. Don't spend eight months with a wanker of a physio who clearly hasn't a clue. Don't have family crises. Stay focused on your health. DO NOT WAVER. Don't get distracted. Don't get sad. Don't get overwhelmed. Don't neglect your fitness. Find a way. DO NOT GIVE UP. Don't get sick all the time. DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT comfort eat and drink. Don't gain 20kg.
And whatever you do, don't kid yourself.  Or you'll find yourself sitting in your car crying and wishing you could rewind everything and do it all properly so you didn't have to face such a daunting task.
And now? We press on, for that is the LBTEPA way. We are dauntless! It says so in the sidebar! We stop eating frozen lunches and rice crackers and stop drinking wine during the week (yes, I'm kidding myself, again, already) and stop drinking coffee and walk every morning and go back to the gym (scheduled for 6am Thursday). Even though we just want it all to go away. For things are how they are, and no point wasting energy wanting a time machine.
Onward!

More anon, strivers!

things afoot

many, many things are afoot here at the LBTEPA Institute of Physical Perfection, including LBTEPA herself, after an extremely discouraging (and, no doubt, utterly de-conditioning) two weeks of chest infection. I will not describe what I was coughing up.
But enough of that.
Tomorrow morning I am fronting up at the gym for a new programme. I keep forgetting to cancel my membership so I might as well use the bloody thing. I am quite prepared for the following
- intense feelings of shame
- wanting to punch the lithe and quite likely clueless young thing writing my programme in the face
- wanting to cry and run away
- resisting the 'encouragement' to get weighed (I know I'm fat), have my 'biological age'  measured (it told me last time that I shouldn't be buying green bananas), and my blood pressure taken  - how fun to have you ignore my statement that the normal cuff won't fit and then have to go and get the lardarse one out of the cupboard with a disgusted/pitying look on your face.
- an argument about refusing to do gym cardio. My physio and I have appropriate cardio sorted.
- having to ask several times for what I want, which is this:
1. 5 or 6 upper body exercises designed to strengthen my swimming
2. a core/glute workout that does not hurt my knees or aggravate my achilles
Now I may be being a bit negative as I had a big weekend in the big smoke with my dear little Noddie, and I'm quite tired. Maybe it will all go wonderfully! I hope so....but if it doesn't, I'll go anyway. I'm not giving up.
 

Hahahahahaha look what came up when I g00g1ed 'perseverance' - an old watering hole from uni days! Classic!
More anon, iron pumpers!

not the usual

for the first time in twelve years I didn't walk on Mother's day. My dad is in hospital in Melbourne so my Mum is up there, and I've been so sick with the latest lurgi (?maybe actually the 'flu? goddamn painful and debilitating ) that I have barely been out of bed let alone out of the house in the wind and rain for the last three days. I've been so sick I didn't really care I couldn't walk this morning, although I did have a bit of a cry when I got out of the shower and got dressed and then had to go back tp bed for another 2 hours instead of heading out.
But I'll walk again. I'll run again, and ride my bike and lift weights and swim and be well. Today we watched Crackerjack and Flying Down to Rio and Noddie painted my nails and I read my new book. It's been a really nice day
Happy Mother's Day to you!

the usual

This is more a set of must-remember-this-for-next-week thoughts than a 'proper' blog post. Good thing it's my blog and that's what it's for, eh? As seems so frequent these days, I slide off the path of good habits at regular intervals, and then veer back on, off, on, off.....how to write an engaging and inspiring blog from that? I dunno. Possibly can't be done?
Life at Chez LBTEPA has chugged on - working quite long hours (for me) coaching the Spousal Unit into the role of House Husband Extraordinaire, getting every single jolly lurgi going around... the usual! My five faithful readers will be p[leased to note that I'm definitely not going back to the old hysterical 'oh woe, this means I'll never get back to being an athlete again and will be fat and broken forever'... posts, although I have definitely been there in my head, lots of times. The scales are my enemy because they mess with my head a bit but I have thought hard about it all and they do serve a purpose so they are staying.
I have been thinking a lot about forgiveness lately and had come to the conclusion that I hadn't really forgiven my ex-friend re Goofy, because I hadn't told her so. So I did. A lot of things were said that I'd wanted to say, unfortunately by text becuase that's how it unfolded. At her end there was a lot of justifying and more of the self-deluded BS she obviously indulged in to make it all right for herself. She has totally reshaped the whole thing in her mind to me forgetting she told me about it. There is no font big enough for the HA! I have for that. It was all very dramatic and unsettling but now it's closed at last. I won't be contacting her again, and I don't feel even the slightest bit ambivalent now. 
*patient sigh from one of the five faithful readers* : LBTEPA, this is an exercise blog - what have you been up to?
I'm back to the bike a bit more now (me, the trainer and 27 years of Ironman Kona - what could be nicer?), not much swim, a little bit of running -  20sec every crossroad or corner now, and every 3 min on my long walks. Up to 22km now! Woot! We've had such a lovely spell of autumn weather. It's a huge pleasure to walk beside the river.

This week's veering-back will include tracking food, more roller, getting-done-what-I-can-while-the-lurgi-bites, and lots of water. See- the usual!
More anon, suncatchers!

phew

well that was a week
father-in-law bad fall + heart attack + poor nursing care ...but home soon
spousal unit rushed to hospital yesterday morning with elevated bp and abdominal pain - turned out to be kidney stones but maybe, just maybe he'll start looking after his hypertension and blood sugar better? I hope so...the ambo said I should make him take his medication, and when I told Noddie this she said but Mummy, you try - you try and try!
Le sigh
Anyway he's home and in no pain and the f-i-l is on the mend
I've used exercise as stress management and logged my food and set little limits, like you can't have a bikkie until you've hung out the washing. I haven't gained any weight and I did all my core work and weights which I think are the building blocks for remaining injury free.
I've got some more complicated things to say about injury and weight but I'm still quite tired so if I wrote them now they'd sound like whingeing. I'll get onto it later
In the meantime, I am just grateful that J is better and we live in a place where we can ring the ambulance and get looked after so well soeasily.
More anon, smilers!

FTW

a bit's been happening at Casa del LBTEPA. Among other things, the Spousal Unit's Dad is in hospital, which is very worrying. So your heroine has been sleeping badly and eating a bit of who-can-be-stuffed-cooking-at-eight-thirty-pm.
This morning I had to go out for my walk, as I am out this evening. I didn't want to go. I. Did. Not. Want. To. Go. When I found myself on the front lawn in my exercise clothes with a FLAT 1p0d, it was crunch time. Oh so many excuses filled the LBTEPA noggin. Legitimate reasons also featured. I was torn! So..I went back inside
....found the spare 1p0d and set off. I hated every second of it. There was no sweaty redemption. I still felt like crying when I got home.
But - and this is the point, if there's anyone out there reading this who's at the beginner/will I won't I stage of his or her athletic life - I did it. The sweating got done. My health will thank me.
SO I WIN HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA
sorry got a bit carried away there
More anon, stargazers!

Happy

I'm in a good place lately. I like it. I am seeing myself as an athlete again. I'm feeling proud of my strength and how it's gradually increasing. I'm stepping back from comparisons with my old self and with others. I love being outside on my own exercising, listening to music and concentrating on holding my form and on my hydration and nutrition strategies. I'm so buzzed on my long walk/runs - because yes, my friends, I'm doing a teeeeeny little bit of running on my long runs now, just 30sec every 3 minutes, not enough to piss off the achilles but keeping the pace up - that I'm enjoying my gels!
I've no doubt this enthusiasm will ebb and flow, and there will be other sufferfests as well as superwoman days, but geez, peeps, I travelled 18km on foot last Friday! It was meant to be 17.5 but the mozzies were so feral I had to keep going until the Spousal Unit came to pick me up. Me, all by myself! No achilles pain, plenty of core/lower back/bum soreness - just as it should be. I got into my post-run compression tights for the first time in forever, 'cause I'm seeing myself as that sort of athlete again. I'm saving my injini toes socks until I go over 20km, though. Can't be too excitable.

 I love the rail trail

More anon, sweaters!

Sneaky

I came home from work yesterday with my head feeling as though it was bruised - I think I'm getting a head cold or something, but oh my word last night it just ached and ached. So I dosed up and went to bed early and then woke up early and I thought, if I get up now and go for my walk, I'll be back before I realise how dodgy I'm feeling! So I did! Haha! Gotcha, stupid bug! I'll do weights and core after work, they're easy (in that I don't have to go out and I can watch Ir0nman on y0tube).
No long walk last week, the Ballarat rellies arrived unexpectedly so we all went to the beach. Fret not, avid trackers of ESM* training, I'm still On Schedule so it wasn't a drama.

I was very happy about a couple of exercise-related things on the weekend  (I was happy about a lot of things, but this blog isn't about hot cross buns): firstly, I got to the end of the music on my ip0d! It's in alphabetical order (don't judge), so when Abba rang in my ears on Friday, I knew I had spent more than 21 hours walking over the last few weeks. This pleases me enormously.

The other happy thing was a lovely walk with the family along the backwater to the Entrance and back along the beach. It was very nice to be out, but the most exciting thing is that it was sand all the way. Sand, as my five faithful readers will know, is the enemy of the unstable gait. Wet sand and walking lopsided in the water on a sloping beach, even more so. But I did it, and I have had no achilles niggles! This. Is. Huge.

More anon, wave-jumpers!

Gosh we live in a nice place

*Extremely Slow Marathon

mixed feelings

hi blog (hangs head) I've neglected you, I know. No ticks on The Chart this week. Actally hardly any in any boxes - although I have done most of my cardio, 2/3 of my weight workouts and all of my piano practice! But my life is all about veering back to my path so that's what I'm doing. In exciting news, I've banned BFD (Big F***ing Deal) from my life! By this I mean, so what, I went for a walk 3 times this week. BFD, I used to be able to run 8km without thinking. This type of thought is now being ruthlessly eradicated from my noggin.

(Thanks for the quote, Tea! It's plastered all over my house now)
It's a good time  for it, becuase a couple of days from now is the third anniversary of my arrival in Planet Broken Hell. Three years ago I was 15kg lighter and could run 20km without too much bother. This week I've given myself a little 'present' of 15 seconds of running every time I cross a road or turn a corner on my shorter walks. I worked out it's about 4 minutes out of 30. This doesn't actually make me feel very pleased or triumphant. It feels rubbish. I accept that. I have to go through now to get to later.
Don't start on me, please. I AM a deliberately  and actively grateful person. I am very much aware and appreciative that the Spousal Unit and Noddie are happy and healthy and I live in a pleasant small town in a peaceful first world country. I can go and buy a coffee whenever I like. I can walk for 3 hours, which I am happier about than I can say. But I did start this new 'running' program yesterday because only being able to run for 15 seconds feels like a f***ing joke. Mixed feelings, you see.
I'm walking 17km tomorrow, but not to get a pie becuase it's good Friday.

 Next post I will tell you all about it, and also how I am using the government to help modify my habits.
More anon, mysteriosos!

too big for my boots

or to be precise, my boots are too big for me! The new shoes I bought are the same numerical size and the same length as my old ones, but a different brand and a completely differnt shape *sad face* No wonder my feet felt bruised and the whole epically slow schemozzle was so epiqally slow! I was all sad because we're a bit short of the spondooleh at the moment, and running shoes are not cheap. That'll teach me to refuse to buy my normal brand from a frowny lady with prison-wardress social skills and negligible grasp of personal space. But she insisted on putting on my try-on sock for me! I wasn't giving her any money!*
This morning I noticed a  lairy yellow sticker on the shoe box. It offered a 30 day guarantee of satisfaction - I've heard of such things (I read a lot of American blogs) but never seen one. Pretty exciting! Tomorrow I'll pop over and ask if it's really true - can I muck up my shoe sizing and get away with it? Will I be able to return to my tried-and-true brand, chastened but not skint? We shall see....
In other news, did you watch the Ironman yesterday? I am so happy I spent hours wrestling with the stupid internet so we could stream the live feed onto the tv. OMG WHAT FINISHES!!!!!
More anon, strivers!

*LBTEPA would like to assure her five faithful readers that no exclamation marks were harmed in the writing of this post.