The good stuff

O my word I got a hit of the good stuff on Friday night when the Melbourne Coolrunners took over Chloe's Bar at Y&J's. I spent the evening talking and talking and TALKING about running, running and more running and clothes and boys and what our friends have been up to and what we think of their boys and clothes with my back-of-the-pack, 8min/kms on a good day, dunno why we do this when we're so bad at it but by crikey we're doing it anyway girlfriends. My soul sisters. The magnificent B and the mighty W. The gorgeous M, so inspiring and full of big dreams that she's an honorary slow-and-steady soul sister, despite knocking off four-hour marathons and ultras like they were walks to the shop. How I love and admire them. How I grin when I think about them! Spending the evening with these fine fun women was like a 3pm diet coke on a warm day - I'm all revved up again!Having discussed it at length (and volume) with my partners in crime, it is time to announce My Next Big Plan. Now the Plan Is This: on October 11th 2009 I will finish my first marathon. I don't care if there's an only an electric clock on a folding chair left when I run into the MCG one hundred and eleven days from now. B, W and I WILL be marathoners. Don't think this is an excitement and champagne fuelled bit of impetuosity, either, no no no no noooo. Last year at the Gold Coast half marathon post race, er, rehydration session, B and I pledged that 2009 would be Our Year. Of course when I sobered up I started qualifying that statement - I'll do it if it fits in with Noddie being at school and my studies, I'll do it if I don't get injured etc etc etc. But the idea flickered on. Spending yet another MM day in the cheer squad with the indomitable W last year fed the little flame. Having ODTAA* happen over and over and over again this winter so my two half marathons will just be long slow runs fuelled it even more. I entered the day it opened. Carrying number 391 for 42.195km will be hard. It will take a long time. It will be GREAT.
By the way, please don't frown: yesterday, after I cheered myself up immensely about the upcoming halfs by cranking out 15 slow km and then had an ice bath aaaaaahhhhhhh! but it did make a huge difference, I'm hardly stiff at all now, I studied for the whole afternoon. My exams are on Monday and Wednesday.
More anon, comrades!
*One Damn Thing After Another

That person

Just to say I'm writing this at work (which is ok, we're allowed) NOT when I'm supposed to be studying, which is coming along ok in a gosh I hope staring at a book and making notes facilitates recall, maybe I should put it under my pillow and hope it oozes into my brain by osmosis kind of way. I really appreciate all the encouragement I've received -thank you all so much ((hugs)). I've never been so underprepared in an academic situation before, but this is the Grown-Up World now and I'm not the centre of it so I just have to suck up the terror, keep working and make jolly sure this doesn't happen next semester.
A friend of mine at work commented that I was sounding much better after the departure of the stinking everlasting sinus infection. I replied, yes, I even went running last night without feeling as though I need a lung transplant. Wow, she said, you're so dedicated! I mumbled something about having races coming up and not wanting to die, as you do, but she persisted, saying no-one made you sign up to those races - that's dedicated! And then I thought, yes, it is. I am dedicated. I am dedicated to being physically strong and as healthy as I can manage. I am dedicated to becoming a person who can run (verrrrry slowly) for two or three hours. I want to be that person and I am prepared to impersonate her as long as I have to, even if that means heading out for a run at 8.30pm when the warm living room and the recliner seem infinitely more desirable, because that's when I have time.
It was a nice run. It was very cold and a bit foggy but that made it quiet and there were soft halos around the streetlights. I wore my heavier jersey with the flowers on it that I like, so I was warm and looked pretty. I was happy to be that person running in the misty dark. My friends, my friends - even if you don't really believe you can become who you want to be, plug away at it. Dedicate yourself to your dream. Be that person.
I had a #$%!@ #$%!@ #$% anaphylactic reaction when I got home. #$%!&* #$%&* #$%!&*!!! I got onto it quickly so I didn't have to use my epi-pen or go to hospital, but I will have to go back and see my allergy specialist. We'll be Having Words. I thought this was fixed for good so I'm a bit upset about it. Even more than the HORRIBLE itching and looking like the elephant man for a couple of days until the swelling subsides, I hate the Spousal Unit and Noddie worrying when I go out.In other news, I can't work out whether the impulsive haircut I had yesterday is the zenith of a lifetime of follicular butchery or rather cool. Time will tell.

More anon, rainbow chasers!

Repeat after me...

LBTEPA, STOP MUCKING AROUND ON YOUR BLOG AND DO SOME MORE STUDY!
YOU CAN DO THIS! JUST KEEP GOING!
You'll pass if you keep working.
You'll keep dropping weight if you stay cheerful and drink lots of water.
Try not to worry about those half-marathons too much. They won't be how you wanted them to be. You'll be ok, though.

Snakes and Ladders

Snake - another go-around with the crook-as-a-dog fairy. No more phlegm remarks though, I'm working on being more phlegmatic hahahaha I'm soooo funny
Ladder - at last it's been diagnosed as an infection so I can have some DRUGS and finally GET PROPERLY BETTER after five #%$ing weeks *bangs head on desk in frustration*

Snake - my longest run before Run Melbourne will be 13km, if the drugs work
Ladder - my recent training slogfests mean I am very well practiced at just keeping on going. Three hours? No problem! Le sigh...

Snake - the likelihood of a PB for either Run Melbourne or the Gold Coast with this trashed training is infinitesimal *gnashes teeth in disappointment, fakes plucky grin*
Ladder - race entries are expensive. By going very slowly I will be really getting my money's worth. I get bling anyway.
Snake - my knees were really hurting during my 'long' hahahaha run on Sunday - WTF? Since when do my knees hurt?

Ladder - a few painful minutes reacquainting myself with my foam roller ow ow ow ow and I was right as rain.

Snake - Noddie has been waking up a lot at night = Mummy hasn't had an unbroken night's sleep for a week

Ladder - feeling jetlagged without leaving home is kind of amusing, and after my epic 4am dummy-spit the other night she's been much better about not calling out.

Snake - my exams are in a week and a half and I've only just started revising

Ladder - ummmmm.........I'll need to make a progress chart! Yay for charts!Ladder - the Self-Efficacy Chart has been a great success. I've reminded myself that I can make positive changes even when life's path seems a trifle rocky. I've had five AFDs in a row for three weeks, got back into the habit of drinking lots of water and shed almost 2kg *beams*
It's been freezing here this week, which would seem to be a snake but is actually a ladder, providing as it does the the opportunity to wear my fabulous hot pink raincoat. It's all in how you look at it, daaahlings.......
More anon, stylish ruggers-up!

FFTB

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS GRAPHIC PHLEGM-RELATED COMMENTS
My most excellent and humorous brother sent me this. I use it ALL THE TIME. Help yourself!
Now that Noddie is sleeping all night again instead of coughing herself sick every two hours, and I am no longer hacking up stuff with which you could cement a keystone*, regular blogging should resume shortly. I just need to catch up on a bit of reading, revise for my exams EEEK!, and whip up a couple of dresses for myself Noddie, because I said I would even though I was running a temperature at the time. And I want a new dress. There's also the matter of two half-marathons coming up in HOLY CRAP THAT SOON? weeks to be panicking about. There was nothing I could do when I was sick except rest, but now it's knee-and-hip nurturin', booze-forswearin' and good ol' sweatin' it out on the road time. Good times, busy times, scary times.....
In a beautiful segue if I do say so myself, here is my new motto.

This windcheater was was the only one my size in the chickybabe shop. It was also on the window mannequin, so I smiled politely at the shop assistant and leaned on the counter in an I'm old and stubborn and won't go away until you give me what I want way until she let me have it. I shall wear it always.

More anon, heel diggers-in!
* I did warn you

Warning! Warning!

WARNING TO MY FIVE FAITHFUL READERS: THIS POST WILL BE UTTERLY INCOMPREHENSIBLE TO WELL-ADJUSTED PERSONS
FURTHER WARNING: PHLEGM IS MENTIONED IN THIS POST
I was passing the time earlier this week coughing hoarsely, skulling paracetomol and worrying about exams and half marathons, as you do. All at once I said to myself, LBTEPA I said, what would the world be like if
- I got severe viral laryngitis too much fun, I can't even begin to describe it, and such a fun word to say, although I can't actually say it - oh the irony! NOT because I'm careless and lazy and drink too much, but because there are a lot of fearsome bugs going around our office and Noddie's school?
- and what if I was off colour for two weeks beforehand NOT because I'm always getting sick, but because I'm quite healthy and strong and it takes a really fearsome bug to topple me?
What would happen if I challenged this unhelpful and inaccurate belief that I get sick because I'm weak and incompetent? What if I understand that getting sick isn't my fault? What if I take the credit for my health-enhancing behaviours instead of blaming myself for not being bullet-proof?
Oooooh! Now there's a thought. Thanks, A.T.B. You're the best.
My five faithful readers will be happy to know that following this train of thought has resulted in my feeling better already, despite the fact that I'm wildly jealous of the Spousal Unit coughing up quantities of yellow (bacterial) gunk, not green (viral) like mine, so he gets antibiotics and I don't so I just have to suffer. DON'T SAY YOU WEREN'T WARNED.
Then I asked myself another question. I said to myself, LBTEPA I said, what do you need?
The answer popped into my head at once: I NEED A WIN.
But what is a win? What would a win look like?
A win would be making a plan, any plan, and sticking to it. That would be a win and that would make me feel happy.
Why would that make you happy?
I'd feel less at the mercy of hormones and genetics and viruses. I'd know for sure again that I can do things.
Aha! LBTEPA looks about, startled, as the booming voice of a famous mid-20th-century psychologist echoes through the room. What you want, LBTEPA, is self-efficacy!
Albert, my friend, you are right. I do. So I made a chart (insert short pause while my five faithful readers feign surprise) . If I drink 5 glasses of water, refrain from the 4pm-6pm scoff-fest and go alcohol free for five consecutive days then I get 15 little smiley stars, a big proud grin and some momentum to make other changes. Bring. It. On. I have to go and have a sleep now before I pick up Noddie from school. She's been home with croup most of the week, poor little lambie. Stay tuned, though - the next post could well be about how rediscovering crochet changed my life.
More anon, improvement-seekers!

SS, DD

Nothing to see here ladies and gentlemen. Move along please. There's only the usual stuff going on, and nothing new to say about it except that my last bleat-fest has helped me unclench my teeth somewhat. Thanks for being so nice about it. You guys are lovely.
The Official Attitude du jour at Chateau LBTEPA is as follows: I'm doing my best. What happens, happens.
So what is happening?
- exams in four weeks? Tick!
- behind with uni reading? Tick!
- half-marathons in five and six weeks? Tick!
- everlasting headcold, along with everyone else in our office and at Noddie's school? Tick!
- not ticking all the training boxes on The Chart? Tick!
- eating and drinking more than is perhaps wise considering the above? Tick!
- deciding that for the moment worrying about my diet is a bit pointless and I should just relax about carting excess lard around? Tick!
- restricting housework to essentials such as clothes washing, cooking and wiping the bathroom so we don't get horrible diseases? Tick!
BTW I was at a school thing today and Noddie's teacher mentioned Noddie's impressive vocabulary. Suddenly I felt better about doing my nut about the messy house the other day and Noddie piping up "Mummy, what's squalor"? She also knows that scurvy is a disease she will get if she doesn't eat her veggies; in addition, Mummy will have to go on a six-thirty "current affairs" show and will never be able to show her face in the suburb again.
- all cranky, all the time? Stick to what you're good at, I say! Tick!
- counting my blessings? Tick!

More anon, seekers of cheerfulness. Look! cheerful food! Mmmmmmmmm!

Mustn't grumble

....therefore I have nothing to say.

There's nothing serious going wrong. Assignment #3 has been handed in. I was happy with it, and satisfied because I didn't know I could work so hard for so long. Now there's only weekly readings and exam preparation to do. Nice.
I'm just feeling run down and headcold-y and lardy and underdone and a big fat undisciplined loser. These things happen.
The biggest struggle I am having with my 'gotta be perfect' self is that I will be racing underdone in June and July Yes, yes, yes, I know I should be used to that by now. And I know these runs are a week apart. It may seem like a stupid idea, but when the wheels started to fall off the training/sensible eating wagon and a Gold Coast PB looked less and less likely, I thought, why not do them both? Don't get all logical on me. I had a good time last year at Run Melbourne, and the Half medals are really nice!
But now as I scoff echinacea and thank the GSD for saline sinus spray, every unticked box on my chart reproaches me. Well-adjusted LBTEPA (I don't know if you've met her; she's not about that much) reminds me that under the working-and-studying-wife-and-prep-mum circumstances I should be celebrating the ticks I do manage! Clearly some part of me thinks I should be perfect and do it all, all at once, with immaculate nails, single-digit body fat and a charming grin. I thought I'd given up being stupidly hard on myself. Must. Try. Harder. (hahaha at recovered perfectionist joke, geddit?).
The Spousal Unit reckons I find having just one worry (eg exams) much more worrying than having several (eg exams and back to back half marathons). Hmmmm.
Listen to me, self-critical LBTEPA: you WILL have a good time. You WILL finish. You WILL get bling.
You haven't trained as much as you wanted, you're eating and drinking a bit unwisely and you aren't the weight you'd like to be. What's new? You have a headcold. So? What happens, happens. We are not having a repeat of last winter's self-flagellating bleatfest. Life is good. You have many blessings. Have these feelings of doubt and fear and worthlessness, if you must, but hugging them to you will not make you any lighter or faster or fitter. Have them, and then LET THEM GO. Cheer the f#$% up.
More anon, darls. Slap a smile on your dial and sing it with me!

Happy Mother's Day

Dear Mum
Thanks for coming on the walk this morning. I hope we can celebrate Mother's Day with fresh air, exercise, and cool race bling for many more years.
If I can be half as inspiring to Noddie as you are to me, she'll be lucky.Happy Mother's Day.

Onward!

One monster assigmnent has hit the psych department inbox; one more to go, only one, just one more... I can keep this up...I CAN. Who needs sleep or daylight anyway?
You know those runs you have when you're just floating along, all balanced and happy and it all feels almost effortless? Yesterday's run was NOT one of them. "Lumbering" is the most apt simile to my progress that I can generate. I seem to be getting slower and slower. Sigh. Still, it was a nice big tick on my chart - and seeing as I have Things To Do in seven weeks, eight weeks and twenty weeks, the more of those cheery little beggars I get the better, no?
Mum and Noddie and I will celebrae Mothers' Day in Ballarat this year with a walk around the lake with my sister-in-law. My nephew is ten months old so it's her first MD.Note To Self: speak to brother so he does the Right Thing ie spoils her ROTTEN.
Further Note To Self: have brother mention this to Spousal Unit.
Ok *takes deep breath* just one more hour of study today, then I can hop on my bike trainer and see if Paula Radcliffe can win the New York marathon again before I pick up Noddie from after-school care.

Ruminations

I am NOT feeling overwhelmed, stupid, slow or fearful about the two 2,000 word assignments I have to pull out of the air by Wednesday week (and let's not even mention the amount of exercise I am not doing and how soon I have two half marathons to do), no no no nononooooo I AM NOT.
I am DETERMINED, yes, determined, that's the ticket! And DILIGENT. And ORGANISED. Yes. I even have a chart. It's come to that.
More anon, ploughers-through!

Bliss

There are two unmistakeable smells that instantly fill me with calm happiness: indoor swimming pools and big university libraries. Bliss.

Speed blogging

righto, I have twelve minutes before I must plunge back into considerations of compliance to treatment regimes. It's fascinating stuff and I feel as though I'm finally on a bit of a roll with study - zooming into the study of an evening to look up just one more article (I can stop any time I want to, no really) is feeling like a constructive activity rather than a burdensome PITA*. Noddie and the Spousal Unit are watching Charlotte's Web as I'm working. We borrowed it from the library and I think it'll be the perfect wind-down after the birthday party they've been at all afternoon Another benefit of study - don't think I wasn't glad to have an impressive and sympathy-inducing excuse to stay home!
The news: my friend's sister's funeral was lovely, and as awful as you can imagine a sendoff for a twenty-year-old dead of leukaemia would be. Today would have been her twenty-first birthday. My heart aches for them.
Work: I love my job. It's difficult and intense and sometimes quite draining, and it affirms that all this time and money I've devoted to uni has been the Right Thing.
Uni: we have our on-campus school this week and I'm apprehensive - of meeting a whole group of new people, and of being the least prepared. But it's going to happen whether I am scared or not and as I frequently say to Noddie, you can choose how you think about things, and I don't know why you would choose to do something that makes you unhappy. The poor child. So I'm looking forward to it!
Four minutes left, eek! Better make it pertinent!
Training: nine weeks until the Gold Coast half marathon. My number is H1065, and Noddie's number in the Junior Dash is D0034. If all goes well** I'll have at least six 15km+ runs under my belt by then and a really good chance at a PB. After missing one by about a minutelast year I'm champing at the bit. I am also hoping to do the Mother's Day run with my dear mama as I have the last five years. The only problem with that is the clash with J's petrolhead Day of Days at DECA in Shapparton. If he wasn't on the club committee I'd merely be ropeable. As it is I'm spitting chips. Has he learned nothing from last year's stubby-holder fiasco? Sheesh.
That took twenty minutes, bad, bad LBTEPA.
More anon, funsters!
*Pain In The Arse
** No injuries, no foul germs from Noddie

The bare essentials

Must. Study.
Must go to work.
Must spend quality time with Spousal Unit
Must. Study.
Must help Noddie learn to ride her Big Girl bike.
Must make sure there's food and clean clothes and hem Noddie's school pants.
Must. Study.
Must stay connected with dear friends
Must ride ok ok mostly on the trainer in front of the tv. Don't judge me
Must. Study.
Must read Noddie stories and listen to her prayers
Must run. Thinking insane thoughts about next few races. MUST RUN
Must do pushups and physio exercises
Must drink more water and try and come up with some way to curtail after work scoff-fest
Must. Study.
Must freak out about amount of reading and presentation-writing to be done in the next week
Must try and retain some of what I'm reading.
Must remember that I'm busy now because I've had so much FUN this summer!
Must. Study.
Must go to a funeral on Tuesday :(
Must. Study.
Must. Study.
More anon, crazy diamonds!

Sad

My friend's sister died from leukaemia yesterday. She was 21.
Another friend's dad died on Monday, eight weeks after being diagnosed with bowel cancer.
Chateau LBTEPA is quiet this week. Hug your loved ones, my friends.

I know I should have been at home studying all weekend

.....but life's far too short to miss important things

like a day out with the family, splendid hats, ten to seven on Easter morning, a happy egg hunter, a lovely long run along the river road, my sister's salty sea dog, and wondering if, after all these years of my Dad's insane boat trips, it's too late to mutiny.

More anon, belated knucklers-down!

I'm in love

A cautionary tale

That Bug Was Yuck. It so nice not to be plagued by germs and to feel vaguely capable of donning the runners and heading out. Not that I have yet, but I can now contemplate the prospect as realistic. Maybe tomorrow.

Completely changing the subject: are you the bill-payer in your house? Do you sometimes put things off and say, I'll pay that later? And then sometimes forget and get the red bill and say oooh! whoops! and hop onto the internet quicksticks so that the power won't be cut off? Here's a quiz for you, reluctant paper-jugglers: guess which one you really must never never forget to pay. No idea? Well, boys and girls, let the voice of Bitter Experience give you the good oil: The dog registration.

Neglect it at your peril. Yes, that innocuous little green one from the council there, lurking in your to-do pile minding its own business, politely coughing from time to time so it moves higher up the stack, and then slipping down again because...well because I'm vague and hopeless, ok?

DO NOT FORGET TO PAY THIS BILL.

Otherwise, on the day you are too ill to lift your head off the pillow to let your dogs in, there will be a severe thunderstorm and they will get out, and because you didn't pay their registration they will be taken to the lost dogs' home on the other side of the city even though they were caught two streets away from your house (and they are microchipped, so the nice kind animal control officer lady can let you know and nearly make you cry because she is so nice and you feel so sick and so stupid) and you will have to drive across the city next morning to ransom them even though you still feel like death warmed up and you will be up for nearly a thousand dollars (stupid owner fine + careless owner fine + forgetful owner fine, times two). I have a medical certificate so I may be able to have the careless owner fine waived, but it's still a lot of shoe money. Sigh.

I have decided that my function in life is to be a Warning To Others.

But then again.... J and I were recalling how seven or eight years ago when we were massively broke this would have been an absolute gut-wrenching financial disaster, whereas now it's 'merely' a monumental pain in the arse.

More anon, puppy parents

An hour later: AND NOW VIC ROADS IS SAYING WE HAVEN'T REGISTERED OUR CAR??? WTF???

K-Rudd could have just kept his free money and saved himself the stamp

Oh well

Underdone I'll have a crack at pretty much anything, as you know, but underdone plus acute viral gastroenteritis (thanks a lot, Noddie, and your germy little mates)? Sorry Geelong, see you next year. You were a treat to finish the season, not my A race. Don't be offended.
More anon, seers of the big picture!

It's raining fabulousness

OMG OMG OMG I am just about incoherent with excitement! This evening I will be basking in a glow of fabulousness as I dine with the creme de la creme of Melbourne Blogger Royalty! Adding further lustre to the occasion - if that's possible - will be International Blogging Superstar, enthusiastic embracer of life and all-round hilarious chick Dietgirl! Ooooh!!!
*fans self*
I didn't know whether I could make it tonight because the Spousal Unit's shifts are so tiresomely erratic at the moment, and we are hosting our church's Lent study group at our house this year etc etc etc and and and...so complicated...but it's all fallen into place and I'll be there!
Now whatever shall I wear? These girls can dress.
I'm so excited about this, and so in love with my new car did I tell you I had a new car? Oh, I did? Would you like to hear more? that it's almost blotting out the full-body aches from Noddie's latest share-it-around phlegmfest, which if they don't go away will make Sunday's tri a bit of a pain, as it were oh dear oh dear oh dear...... but I'm sure they will. Drugs are good these days
More anon, incurable optimists!