Lots of love on mother's day

I don't think you have to have given birth to be a Mum. If we're lucky, we've had someone in our lives, at some time, who's made us feel safe and valued and as though, although the world is big and scary, it's still full of joy and beauty and adventure that we can be part of if we work hard and are brave (and CLEAN UP OUR ROOMS).

This is for all those women.

 

I told the Spousal Unit that what I wanted for mother's day was a push around the Mother's day Classic course so I could have my "10 year streak". I thought he would laugh or roll his eyes or something. It sounded pretty stupid even to me. I think I was just so sad that the prawns were going to steal my 10-in-a-row as well as everything else they've taken.
A digression: I know I can't blame crustaceans for my weight gain and depression and lost fitness, every action was my decision and I should have tried harder, but sometimes I do. I think the saddest thing I've learned about myself since I broke my ankle is that I'm not as iron-willed-invincible as I hoped I would be if something like this ever happened. If I'm not, if I'm so lame as to get myself into this mess, then how will I be able to get myself out of it? But (as I mentioned) I digress.

The Spousal Unit borrowed a wheelchair from work

We signed up, got a posse together, including my awesome Mum, and off we went. It was very odd to be completely in someone else's hands. Especially since, as my mum put it, J didn't so much push the chair as drive it! Gosh he's strong.
I noticed strong feelings of shame arising as I sat there being pushed along. I think the shame was 'I'm not this fat person who can't run! I'm not!' But I am, that's the fact of it. It is what it is, and I have to grapple with the meaning I've assigned to this fact. Weight gain and physical weakness are NOT failures or faults. How I am right now has to be ok. It usually is, but today was pretty confronting.
I was also confronted by the fact that the mother's day run last year was when I realised that my ankle was actually quite buggered. It's now a full year since I've run around the lovely river track near my house, or indeed anywhere much at all. I felt quite irritable a lot of the time, but I don't think anyone noticed becuase it was such a beautiful day and everyone was in such a good mood.  Mum got talking to a woman who'd had foot surgery 6 months ago and wasn't walking properly yet OMG my head nearly exploded; if I'd been able to run away I would have. shedidn'thavethesamesurgeryasmeI'msureofitlalalanotlistening
So overall a funny-sad-confusing-happy day full of love.

    

I don't know why that woman is staring at us like that.AND I DON'T CARE.

  

(Noddie came too, but instantly found some friends she liked better than us and went around with them. They went really fast, she said, and we told her we were proud of her.Then we went to the pub for lunch and bubbles with the in-laws and some other friends, and then we had a Very Quiet Afternoon).

 

I have ten of these now. One for every year I've been a Mum. Thankyou J, for not listening when I said it was a stupid idea and it ws too much trouble and I wasn't going. This is the best mother's day I've ever had.

Do you have a stupid idea? Maybe it's not very big, but you really want it, right inside your heart, and you'll be really sad if it doesn't happen? That you don't want to admit to becuase other people will laugh? Well listen to me, my five faithful readers: let it out, into the daylight. Give it some air - tell people you want it. You'll see that even if they do laugh, or they're dismissive or their eyes glaze over, the little dream is still sparkling there. It's your dream. It's your heart.  And that makes it perfect.

And they might not laugh. They might cheer you on. Or even help you.

More anon, streakers!