what's the worst thing that could happen?

That's what I said to the Spousal Unit after I entered the Olympic distance triathlon this Sunday even though, as you know, I've done bugger all training lately. What's a pleasant 1500/40km/10km between friends after all? *laughs maniacally; rocks back and forth, twitching*
Excuse me while I hyperventilate............
The comment followed one of those on-and-off through the evening should I shouldn't I, I dunno, what do you think? conversations that ended with my asking the Spousal Unit if he thought I should do it and him saying yaairr, why not? (he doesn't know how much the entry cost).
So what IS the worst thing that could happen?
I could DIE (unlikely...probably)
I could come last (very likely, after an inspection of last year's results. Also see 'amount of training since November')
I could miss the bike cutoff (better HAMMER it (see 'entry cost'); although there is no bike cutoff posted in the race information so I'd like to see them try enforcing it)*NOW they've posted it....it'll be a stretch....oh dear oh dear oh dear oh dear....breathe in, breathe out....
It could hurt a lot (very very likely)
I could have a really crap time - but that's up to me, eh?
Excuse me while I hyperventilate............
Goals, goals, I need some goals! And a plan! I need a Plan! How about this? 1. Show up. 2. Start 3. Finish, upright and smiling 4.(I bet you knew this one) Wear the t-shirt. Time goal: under 4 hours.
I need a nutrition plan too. Having not practiced anything longer than two hours for ever, I've forgotten what to do! Gels and sports drink? Just gels ? Just champagne and canapes on a chaise lounge? Help! J would like some help too - he's preparing a list of answers to the repeated anguished wails of WHY do I do these things again? coming his way over the next few days.
While I hyperventilate a bit more, here's what we did on our delicious long weekend away at Mum's

More anon, justifiers of lunatic decisions

Happy new year

all the cool bloggers are doing reviews of 2008 and goals for 2009 and I am nothing if not a sheep *baaa* I was actually born in the year of the sheep and collect sheep figurines so I have an affinity for our ovine friends: however, I digress. I set quite a few goals for 2008. Because Noddie was at kinder and I wasn't studying, there would be actual free, unallocated time! It was my 'gunna' year - I was gunna do so many things, so many...anyway, here we go
Goals for 2008
1. complete an Olympic distance triathlon
2. run my first full marathon, on the Gold Coast
3. complete the 210km Bay in a Day cycling event
4. run the Melbourne half Marathon, finishing at the MCG
5. have piano lessons
6. read lots of trashy novels
7. lose 10kg
8. be accepted in a Masters in Clinical Psychology at my old uni
What I actually did
1. Bairnsdale Olympic distance triathlon completed!
2. Ran the Gold Coast half marathon
3. DNS. Let's not go there.
4. CR cheer squad again.
5. huh? Crap, I forgot
6. Oh, yes...
7. lost 6kg. gained 3kg of it back.
8. decided on a Masters in health psych at another uni
There are two ways to look at this. It could be seen as utter failure (except for 1, which was ace, and 6 - that went really well). Hardly any of my grand dreams came true. Should have, could have, didn't could be crushing me right now.
I choose to look back at an exciting year. I learned so much. I started a new career in the field I have been working toward for a long time. I continue to learn that working as a psychologist will be far more complex and demanding than I was expecting. I started to learn how to race beyond the point where you want to puke. I learned - AGAIN - how to suck up huge personal (aka ego-driven) disappointment and admit that there are things you just can't do anything about. I found out who my friends are, and put more effort into appreciating them. I hope I never lose that. I walked my talk, and put my family first when I had to, and didn't mind. I stopped wearing a watch or a HRM or using my bike computer or recording my training distances because the numbers were freaking me out instead of motivating me. I did stuff because I said I would. I became more aware of why I do things; I did what I love (apart from nearly drowning a good friend, ahem, sorry about that Secret Sara). I had fun.
I don't have many goals for 2009*. I will support Noddie and the Spousal Unit and work to make our little family even stronger and more loving. I will seek the good in my nearest and dearest rather than only seeing their faults. I am going to shed those pesky kgs again, and pass uni. We are going to the Gold Coast again in July because I have a bone to pick with that half marathon (and we love theme parks); and I'll be really pleased if I can finally run into the G in October. I'd like to do at least two more Olympic distance triathlons this summer. I'm really enjoying this calm feeling. It's hard to describe - something like maybe I am good enough and I do work hard enough? - but I'm hanging onto it as long as I can. I'll train as often as I can and race when I can. I can feel a good year coming on. I can.

Can you?
*Thinking about this overnight, it is not actually true. Check the sidebar. Next post,eh?
More anon, cheerful anticipators!
NEXT: LBTEPA decides a week is not enough preparation for an Olympic distance triathlon

Decisions

The other day I decided: I look fabulous. I decided that I would always think I look fabulous, not just when I’m scrubbed up and frocked up and posed to hide the turkey wings and chins. You see, I’ve been a bit down on myself lately. I’ve gained three kilos since July, fully half of the weight I chiselled off in the first half of 08. It’s easy to look in the mirror and only see my thickened waist and heavy thighs. I'm a champion at looking at a photo and only seeing the spare tyre and the overbite. I have decided to break that habit. My measurements and my weight are not my worth. I look great all the time because I am LBTEPA and I say so. Sometimes even out loud.
As for that pesky lard, don’t think I don’t have a plan, cos by crikey I do! Mwahahaha!
Now the Plan is This: after the sherbet-fuelled scoff-fest and party-extravaganza that is December in our household (I blame my inlaws; if they’d canoodled in January 1961 instead of March the Spousal Unit J would have a nice convenient October birthday instead of exposing us to incipient hyperglycaemia every Christmas), there will be no chips, no chocolate, and no cake of any kind for the duration (other than in exceptional circumstances). I’ll restart my strategy of five days a week with no more than one drink, and only after 9pm (so I’m having it because I want to, not to mute the chaos). I’ll write ‘STOP’ on my hand so as to thwart its frequent sneaky forays to the cracker jar. Most importantly, I will move my lardy - yet fabulous - posterior every day. I’ve fallen into the trap of saying oh woe, oh woe, I haven’t (made/organised/managed) enough time for the workout I planned. Well fine, I’ll just sulk and fold washing instead. Then suddenly it's been three days since I last worked out and my pants are even tighter.
All very basic and Captain Obvious. I don't like to fail. All the 'wins' in this plan are behavioural rather than weight based because, well, me and the Scale Gods, we don't get on. I don't need those b#$%&*s messing with my head. Don't tell anyone, but my real aim is to look sensational in my new red dress, which is only ok at the moment if I concentrate really hard on sucking my tummy in. I'll let you know how it goes...
Next: LBTEPA decides that two weeks is not enough preparation for an Olympic distance tri.

More anon, Fancy Nancies!

how was your Christmas?

Everything was just lovely this year. We had such a happy day. After church we scoffed prawns and warm pork rolls at the park, then the rellie hordes descended for the cold-meat-and-salad and present-fest. I'm never ever eating again....until the Spousal Unit's birthday party tomorrow....uurrgghh
More anon, revellers!

dreaming of a white christmas

Sorry, couldn't resist the pun
Today is Noddie's very last day of family day care ever. What a milestone. We have organised an aromatherapy massage for her carer; that woman has earned it. I did go to the family Christmas party after all and it wasn't all that bad, even with no lunch (we were late because of Noddie's Sunday school prize giving) and no chardonnay. Otherwise the weekend was chock full o'Christmassy goodness - I've done my final, final, no really there's no more I need Christmas present shopping! I was going to get my in-laws a digital phot frame (what do you get people with no interests?), then whom should I spy in a shop signing his autobiography but their football hero? Half an hour in the queue and the it's bad to loathe your in-laws demons were appeased. Then it was bauble making and Daddy-present-buying with Noddie, Saturday night carol service where the tiny doll in Mary's arms turned out to be a real two week old baby (awwwwwww). Monday was a family breakfast and a trip into the city to see the Myer windows , with some christmas pudding making (late, I know, but better than nothing) and pre-visitor-onslaught cleaning to top it all off, all to the strains of Bing Crosby and the Mormon Tabernacle choir. I love Christmas.
I even managed to squeeze a couple of runs and a ride. You know, a missed workout is often not about the actual exercise; it's the fact that clawing some time out of the day is itself another task. When I'm feeling overloaded it's often 'too hard' to juggle the jigsaw to fit in one more thing. I'm pleased I did it this weekend. I'm also happy it's a quiet day at work today, and that my best friend A has come over from Perth for Christmas and we'll be catching up today.

More anon, seasonal-enthusiasts! Joy to the world !

Oooooh!

Once I got dry and warm and woke up properly after the weekend (about Tuesday) and had a couple of free minutes to faff about on the internet, I looked up my first-prize Athena sunnies. All I can say is oooh! What a lucky girl I am. Clearly their powers of fabulousness are beyond mortal ken: they even pulled me out the door for a run yesterday afternoon!
I've been doing a lot of overtime lately so keeping up with things has been a bit rush rush juggle juggle keep moving stay calm. That's finished now; we are cashed up and I'm tired and ready for Christmas and the summer holidays (if it ever gets above twenty or stops raining, not that I mind the rain because of the drought but really.... I digress). Today I'm going into the City on the train to do errands and finish the shopping By Myself. Maybe have some lunch and a swim. Bliss.
I'm supposed to go to a family do on Sunday afternoon that is likely to be chock full o' J's charming relatives (true), where Noddie is likely to behave poorly because she has yet to get the hang of parties, poor love (true) and where my inlaws will leave it to me to deal with it and not interfere or make homicidal-rage-inducing comments (so not true). J is working, so I'll be driving and thus fortification-by-chardy won't be an option. I might give it a miss. Noddie and I can make shortbread instead. Good Plan!More anon, holders of realistic expectations!

I'm not A fat panda

I had a good time in the 4km ocean swim on Saturday. My friend Secret Sara had a totally crap time in the same swim, although I didn’t realise it until afterward, or that it was her very first ocean swim ever. At first we were swimming together and I was encouraging her, but then it occurred to me how annoying it must be to have someone constantly yapping on when you’re doing it hard. I thought she’d probably prefer me not to be at her shoulder saying ‘go Sara go’. I tried to stay just ahead of her and wait at each bouy to wave to her so she’d know which way to go, but then every time I waved, the safety boat would roar over because they thought I was in trouble. Then the weather blew up and I was having to concentrate on my own sighting and moving with the swell – and when I got to the next bouy I couldn’t see Sara any more. Every time I stopped I asked the lifeguards if they could see her and they always could; she seemed to be moving steadily, so I kept going. The course was two long thin rectangles; by the short end of the second loop it was getting so windy we were just about swimming uphill. Sighting was a matter of waiting for the top of a swell, line up the bouy and hope for the best until the next one. If it had been that rough when we started I don’t think they’d have let us set off. I became engrossed in the rhythm of breathing and sighting, one two three two two three three two three sight two three, one two three two two three.... It was hard to see the markers on the outermost leg of the course because they were white (stupid stupid stupid when the whole world at water level was pale grey). At one stage it was raining so hard that I couldn’t see the shore, or the bouy, or anyone. I just bobbed up and down in the water for a minute, enjoying the lovely sounds of the ocean and the rain and the feeling of the water…..a beautiful moment. Exhilarating. I peered in the direction I thought the marker should be and there it was, so off I went again. I kept asking the lifeguards if they could see Sara – they always could - and telling them her name and asking them to encourage her for me. She’s so strong and determined that it didn’t occur to me that she wouldn’t be ok. The water got more and more rough. I was just grinning at the sheer magnificent lunacy of it all. I was feeling strong, and happy with my technique, and tired and very cold and worried about Sara as well. I was so happy to round the last marker and be headed in. This was almost the most difficult leg of the race because you had to cut diagonally across the swell. The lifeguards kept telling people to look for the yellow pole but it was almost impossible to see against the coloured bathing boxes – I found the lifesaving club and then sighted on a tall building behind it for a while one two three two two three three two three aha there you are, you bastard until I could see that wretched pole. Once I got to it I could see the finish. It was a mess – they had laid out the cans for the 1.2km race so we had to weave through them, and there were a lot of swimmers warming up as well. I just kept swimming and sighting and watching the red letters get larger and larger, one two three two two three three two three bring it on two three… All too soon my fingertips hit the bottom and I stood up to stagger through the shallows and up the beach. I’ve been spoilt doing triathlons, I think – I was so surprised they didn’t take off my chip! I don't know why I felt as though I was going to be sick, but once the urge had passed, all I could think of was where Sara might be. I squinted out through the rain and all the 1.2km people until I saw a little white cap in the distance. She was still a long way out and moving very slowly so I went out again to swim her in. I nearly had tears in my eyes at how brave she was to keep going when she was obviously exhausted. We got to the shallows and her poor legs were cramping so I helped her up and over the line. I took her chip off and she just started crying and saying she was never ever doing that again, a very sensible response really, so I hustled us off to the change room to start to get warm. I was absolutely shaking with cold. Sara kept saying she wasn’t cold at all so I was worried about that too. It was only when we were getting changed I realised Sara had never done an ocean race before. The other women were so lovely, they were all praising her and telling her that it was a technically difficult course (true) and a really hard day (f#$% yes). Because I have been swimming in the ocean for most of my life I am not scared of the sea. I cannot comprehend how hard that must have been for her out there. To gut it out like that leaves me in awe.
To conclude the swim report, I would like to express how much in love with my car heater I am. When I got home J and Noddie were at a birthday party so I fell asleep on the recliner with the heater on full blast hello? Summer? This is LBTEPA and I would like to ask just when the F#$% you are planning on arriving? Then we watched Kung Fu Panda, now officially my new fave movie. Fave lines:
Tai Lung: You're nothing but a big fat Panda
Po: I’m not A big fat Panda, I’m THE big fat Panda!
.....making a neat segue into Sunday’s triathlon, where I was not just an old slow Athena. I was THE old slow Athena. In answer to Jeanne’s question, you "accidentally" enter a triathlon the day after a 4km swim when you fail to comprehend that Dec 13th and Dec 14th are consecutive days. You’re right, I need to be more big picture. Let me confess that I just wasn't feeling the love on race morning. It rained so hard I was soaked to the skin setting up transition - it was worth my TA membership just to stand in the Triathlon Victoria tent. Some effortful reframing was necessary to avert the complaining-despair death-spiral. My happy place was hiding but I found it eventually. The quickest way to describe things is to remind you of my race report of a couple of weeks ago, subtract ten degrees, double the howling wind, add squalls of stinging sideways rain and take away one Athena so I got first place and a nice new pair of sunglasses. I’m still in love with my car heater.

soon

I've been rendered speechless by the weekend's double-header, will try and do reports soon.

DAIS, NAID

A couple of years ago I read a really good book called Unplug the Christmas Machine. Its main point was that, apart from the things we really have to do (like Noddie's kinder concert and having my in-laws over), a lot of the stuff we do at Christmas is stuff we think we should do, and as such, may or may not contribute to the joy and meaning of Christmas. There are Christmassy activities that I pretty much almost always do, but apart from church and the family, and to an extent the tree now because of Noddie, any one of them could be thrown off the back of the sleigh (did you notice that seasonal pun? Oooh I'm hilarious...) if it sucks happiness out of Christmas rather than adding to it. I try and make sure the season is about what I think are the essentials - the birth of Jesus, my family, and mince pies.That being said, tomorrow is my (luckily non-compulsory) work Christmas do and also my running group christmas drinkies. Saturday, if the forecast gales don't eventuate, is the biggest swim of the year - and please do recall that my motto this summer appears to be "Training: it's so 2007" - and I've accidentally entered a triathlon on Sunday(as you do), prior to our end of year get-together with J's oldest friends. Luckily they pretty much expect me to nod off by their pool by now. In parenting news, encouraging Noddie to be a sharing girl has backfired badly- her temperature and mild gastro are making the rounds of the house! Before you break into groans of oh no, not again, let me assure you I've ALREADY DONE THAT, interspersed with short intervals of banging my head on the wall. Not to worry, eh? As the Spousal Unit keeps saying, I'll be right. He's right. Show up. Race. Stop. Smile. Easy.
So as the post title says, Do As I Say, Not as I Do. Pace yourself. Stay well. And I'll cross the finish lines, upright and smiling.

More anon, embracers of denial as a coping strategy!

sometimes showing up is all you can do

Race report: Sussan 10km
Time: 1.11.33
Rating: Pleased
9.30pm Saturday. A fun party, but not so good that I couldn't drive home. Why I was awake at 5am (an hour before I needed to be) I have no idea. 9.30 am Sunday. Three out of four goals* done. I'm not writing a race report because it would be a whole lot of I hate this why do I do this I suck so badly there's Secret Sara, she's been going about how slow she is and there she is ambling along in front of the 60 minute pacer she's so fast I'm so pleased for her I'm so bad at this oh thank goodness there's a water stop how stupid to forget my gel I am so crap at this stop whining I'm not listening la la la thank goodness I have someone nice to talk to (hi Penny from Horsham!) this is no fun why do I bother? because Mum would love to be here, that's why, and because Dad would love Mum to be here but she has to look after him just now thank you God he's ok don't get teary when you're running up a hill that won't help ok the Spousal Unit said try not to stop until 9km then see how many people you can pass by the end come on it's only gunna be about 7 more minutes crap I am sick to f#$%ing death of your lame arse complaining shut the f$#% up for f#$% sake my legs hurt I bet I can keep going this hurts but I can hang on hang on keep going I bet I can pass another one you are so my rabbit lady that's 19 people woo hoo there's the finish and the clock f#$% I was hoping to be faster than that oh well chin up and smile for the camera thank goodness I can stop now where's the water? and you don't need that.
Huge kudos to my friend Berny who went close to a PB when she knew at 3km her knees were not on her side, and to Secret Sara's awesome first post-injury outing. Truthfully, if it hadn't been for all the Coolrunners at the start and during the run it would have been a rotten morning. As it was, it was character-building. I didn't disappoint myself and that's all I could reasonably aim for with the amount of training and sleep I've managed lately
I went to church on the way home because J was taking Noddie (I usually go) and our minister's wife thought I was ever so brave and strong and fast. She's such a nice woman.

All four goals achieved *grins*

More anon, reality-embracers!
*1. Show up 2. Run 3. Stop 4. wear the shirt

am I missing something?

When I went for a run on Tuesday I had my first asthma attack in five years. I had to walk home (sulking). Last night while running I had my first severe histamine reaction in three years. I got home ok and didn't need to use the epi-pen or ring the ambulance, just dose myself up and wait out wanting to claw my excruciatingly itchy skin from my body. This morning I no longer look as though I've been in the ring with Kostya Tzu, but if anyone is short of a dwarf I could stand in for either Dopey or Puffy. Let me know. I like to be helpful.
Could the the universe be trying to tell me that Sloth is The Answer?

On Sunday I am running my first stand-alone 10km in, errr, I can't remember. You may recall that the race is (early) the morning after the Spousal Unit's Awesome Work Christmas Party. Here is my plan : 1. Show up 2. Run 3. Stop 4. Wear t-shirt. Too easy.

More anon, eventuality-coverers!

Can't complain

I've spent my only day off this week, and a lovely sunny day too, perfect for a ride, I might add - the only antidote for my ever-burgeoning posterior and plummeting fitness - doing our last two years' tax. We have some fiddly investments and a big messy study where vital papers are prone to disappearing without trace. I think there's a wormhole somewhere in there leading to a parallel dimension. Its inhabitants must be startled by the frequent, inexplicable manifestations of bank statements and sunglasses. Sigh. I hope I learn from this.
Still, I'll be wrapping Christmas presents tonight after dinner. That's fun. The Christmas cards are made and the letter written, so I'll be sending them out tomorrow too. I love sending cards. Email me your address so I can send you one too. Not if you're a creepy stalker of course. You can just go away.
Is it mince pie time yet?

More anon, cheerful vaguesters!

Tinselitis

Warning: December at Chez LBTEPA means severe baubling. Are you a mince pie, by any chance? Or a good taste, don't you think that's enough lights now minimalist? Be afraid. Be very afraid. Bwahahaha!*
More anon, carolers!
*Much as I am of the 10km I am doing this Sunday, the morning after J's legendary work Christmas party. Training is so 2007.

Bad mother

I wouldn't know, of course, but I expect a good mother probably enjoys being with her screaming arguing crying child and lots of good mothers with flattering haircuts and seventeen of their screaming arguing crying (but nowhere near as awful) children at a 5th birthday party with no grown-up food (or drink) at her friend's large spotless house. A good mother's house is never such a squalid hovel that the only solution after coming home from her friends' large spotless house is to burn said hovel - and the mulcher in the living room (I kid you not) - to the ground. While being screamed at and kicked attempting to remove a prickle from her child's foot, she never COMPLETELY loses her temper and smacks said child really hard, then spends the rest of the day hating herself. She's written her Christmas letter, done her tax for the last two years and does not gaze with longing at the chardy at 3pm, wishing it was 5.59. Nor is her solitary ray of happiness (apart from a morning swim) the beautiful effectiveness of her new bagless vacuum cleaner. She can think of something other than pizza for dinner, and no doubt sleeps well too. As I said, I wouldn't know.
Today is a new day THANK YOU GOD. Baked-bean jaffles and tea are my friends. After Sunday school we'll have a practice on the birthday bike and paint Noddie's new bed, then Daddy will come home from work and we'll put up the Christmas tree. Or maybe they can put up the tree and I'll go for a ride...or do the tax...or write the Christmas letter....
More anon, temporary teetotallers.

It didn't rain

Race report: Gatorade 1 St Kilda
Distance: 2km run (subbed for swim)/20km/5km
Time: 1.45.39
Rating: Happy
I started writing a longish race report about how this was all so slapdash and underprepared compared with last year but still fun etc etc but it was sooo very boring I nearly nodded off. Here is the short version. No need to thank me, I'm here to help.
Night before: lots of rain and wind and oh crap it’s 8am, my wave starts at 8.10 and I’m still at home dreams.
Race day: windy, my word it was windy. But not raining. Phew. Warmer than expected; bag of extra clothes unnecessary (although a warm jersey on the bike made this cold la-la feel good). Panic! Friends who picked up my race packet lost it! Thankyou organisers for making all well. Phew again. Run/ride/run: so not my forte – after 500 m I was 100m behind the pack with all my mates, ahem. Sigh.
T1 – almost forgot to put my bike shoes on!
Riding into that #$%&!!$! wind made me grateful for every single winter ride I did and every single gear Minerva possesses, and that’s enough about that (except for the gusts blowing me sideways – however did the skinnyfasts stay on?). Mantra: stupid song turn ‘em over turn ‘em over turn ‘em o-o-ver. You're glad you weren’t there, trust me.
T2: another record for slowness, how do I do it?
Run: oh my, doesn’t that old familiar lead-legged stumble take you back? Still, there was the fearsome headwind as a distraction. So nice looking forward to the turnaround. Mantra: stupid song pick ‘em up, pick em up turn ‘em o-o-ver…don’t knock it, it worked for me.
Huge thing: I ran all the way without stopping. Very proud of that *beams*.
The last km I took everything I learned at the Gold Coast half and ran as hard as I could, harder than I thought I could, my legs were hurting and I was gasping but I wasn’t going to die and I wasn’t going to stop either. This is new for me. It’s kind of fun in a strange way. Finishing a la Wes is so fun too – put your hands in the air like you just don’t care and give that chute what for!
Nutrition Plan all hail the mighty nutrition plan: Nailed It.*
Bling: yep. 2nd place Athena

Tip for beginners: noting the name of street where you parked avoids riding about aimlessly wondering whether your car has been stolen.
After lunch we took Noddie to the park to practice on her new bike. Sprints anyone? Oh my poor legs....

More anon, sleepyheads
*Nutrition Plan: Pre race- banana and cuppa. Liquid breakfast an hour prior. Gel at start. Bike: full bottle of endura. Run: gel at first water station. Gatorade afterward. KFC for luch. What?

Weather report

Mum took Dad home yesterday to continue his recovery. Such a relief for them.
I was lucky enough to bump into a fellow blogger who works at the hospital - thanks for your kind words Linda, it was so nice to see you *mwah*

Now, if I may, I draw your attention to this:
Melbourne Current Conditions

• Current temp: 11.2°C
• Recorded min: 8°C
• Recorded max: 15°C
• Feels like: 9.0°C

• Humidity: 74%
• Rainfall since 9am: 7.0mm
• Wind: SSW 59km/h
• Wind gusts: 85km/h

Sunday - Rain
Min: 11°C Max: 17°C

For my non-celsius readers, that's stupidly f#$%ing cold and windy and bloody wet. Just BTW: hello? did anyone realise this is November? and SUMMER starts in 8 days? Sheesh.
I was just sitting in the living room watching hailstones the size of peas smash against the window, and I was secretly very glad that tomorrow's triathlon season-opener has had the swim cancelled. I'd have been ok, because I am LBTEPA who Fears Not The Waves hahahaha, but riding and running in the wet and cold is so much more pleasant if you don't start off soaked and freezing, don't you think?*
And I get to race - did I mention that? I GET TO RACE!!

More anon, stalwarts!
* How do you like my (utterly false) insouciance? Convincing?

Once upon a time....

....there was a princess called Noddie. It was her birthday. She was FIVE!!
After that, lots and lots (maybe even twenty!) aunts and uncles and Mummy and Daddy's friends came over and everyone had a good time. The End.

More anon, party people!

Phew

My parents live about 300km from Melbourne. Last night the phone rang at 10.20pm. It was my Mum, saying my Dad had been airlifted to the Alfred Hospital and was in the trauma centre with a fractured skull and bleeding on the brain after being struck by the boom of another yacht during a race yesterday. Mum had to organise some things and wouldn't be coming down until today. I went to the hospital straight away, arriving at about 11pm. My sister C came in at about 1am and we sat with Dad until morning, holding his hand and talking to him. Even though he was unconscious most of the time, drifting in and out, we just wanted someone he knew to be there. When he finally did awake, he was very disoriented but could recognise us and move all his limbs, which the nurses and registrars told us was a good sign. C went home to her place to meet Mum and bring her into the hospital. I stayed with Dad, who was getting more responsive and restless. After a while my brothers arrived, and then Mum and C. The neurologist told us that the bleeding and swelling were minor and that Dad would require a lot of rest to allow the fractures to heal. No surgery. Very strong likelihood of a full recovery. Phew.

I got home at 2pm and had a short nap before Noddie's kinder concert. Now we are preparing for her (somewhat pared-down) birthday party tomorrow. We've got to stop inviting everyone we know to these things. I'm feeling a bit shaken and very tired, but so very thankful.

The reason why*

Can I be blunt? This winter was a bit of a pain.
I was sick. I ran sick. I got sick in Queensland. I got sick at my old job. I started my new, terrific, stressful job and got sick again. Noddie went to kinder and got sick and the Spousal Unit went to work and got sick and I got sick again.
I found out you can train like it was your job and run your heart out but sometimes it’s just not your day. I found out you can’t outrun or outride severe bronchitis. I found out (again) that some things cannot be toughed out. I found out I’ve been paying a lot of money to wear shoes made for lapsed-arched pronators when I’m a high-arched supinator. I found out that I had severely underestimated my quite astonishing capacity for self-pity and whining.
I didn’t do anything I wanted to. I didn’t run a full marathon or the Melbourne half. I didn't set a PB at the Gold Coast. I didn’t ride the Bay in a Day. I didn’t give up drinking. I didn’t lose lots of weight. I didn’t train consistently. I didn’t bravely rise above it all and set a good example to inspire others.
I whinged. I bitched. I grizzled and moaned and carried on and cried and wallowed. I got fed up. I threw my hands up. I arked up. I jacked up, I gave up. And then I got up.
I learned stuff this winter. I learned to run hard. I learned to suck it up and cheer for others doing what I wished I was doing. I learned about disappointment, and I learned about friendship.
I ran 6km non-stop today. I got an interview for the very competitive Masters in Clinical Psych that I really want to do next year. It's Noddie's birthday on Tuesday, and let me assure you that her Princess party will be spoken of with awe down the ages.
And you know what? Next weekend, I GET TO RACE.

I GET TO RACE.

More anon, blissful grinners
*The wonderful Lisa wrote a very thought-provoking post on this recently. Thgnks for the insight my friend

Spelling

Can I send a big *raspberry* to people who don’t get hayfever? I hate you all.
Really over ‘ladyproblems’ and the way they f#$% with my moods.
Also Noddie isn’t sleeping well = I’m up three times a night. Sigh.
Not drinking or eating too much though, hurrah.
Kindness is the key – to others and myself. Work, love, exercise, laugh! And not whinge
You all have a lovely weekend *blows kiss to the world*more anon, mood elevators!

Whingeing my way to success

I was just looking at the distance tallies in my sidebar

Jul - Swim none Bike 80KM Run 29km stupid #$%$!!*&! bronchitis
Aug - S4800m B358KM R 35KM clearly still thought I might be able to manage the Bay Ride hahahahaha
Sep - S4400m B103KM R22KM
Oct - S10000m B 161KM R 55KM
Nov (to date) - S3000m B48km R 19km
More anon, pluggers-away!

how to have a good weekend

Saturday morning
- drink tea, eat toast, feed Noddie toast
- do washing, empty dishwasher, clean kitchen etc
- go for a run. Feel as though balance and endurance might slowly slowly be returning
- watch Noddie have fun at her swimming lesson. Feel happy because last week she refused to get in and was never going back again.

- have a splendid time at the Whittlesea show. Eat a melt-in-your-mouth steak sandwich, admire yet be faintly worried by the ingenuity of local children yes it is made of what you think it is and buy the completely unnecessary yet fabulous pink coat I have lusted after for the last three years

- share the Last Ever Bottle of our favourite tipple they've stopped making it! Oh woe, oh woe and alas! with the neighbours.
- refrain from fighting with exhausted feral child (my own), good thing I've been studying non-violent communication I can tell you
- eat pizza
- watch 10 seconds of tv
- zzzzzz
Sunday morning
- drink tea, eat porridge with apricots, feed Noddie toast
- rush out for a bike ride before the wind came up
- take Noddie to church for Sunday school
- accidentally reveal inability to believe in the resurrection of the body (no wonder the angels hid my book)
- see - in real time, thanks lronman Iive! - my friend Wes fulfill his dream of finishing Ironman! Huge congratulations to you Wes!
- drive to Brighton to swim at the sea baths as a bit of a hit-out before a couple of events I have coming up
- wish I had a long-sleeved wetsuit
- remember how very very much I love swimming in the sea, even when it's cccccold
- fly our new kite and make sandcastles with Noddie and J- eat fish and chips by the beach in the car in the pouring rain and before you say anything, it is superfluous chips that I am avoiding. F&c chips don't count.
- refrain from fighting with exhausted feral child, good thing I've been studying non-violent communication I can tell you
- watch 10 seconds of rugby
zzzzzzzzzzzzz
Tomorrow will be very strange indeed - I haven't worked on Cup Day since I was at uni and my exams were in the second week of November. Double time will just about make up for it though, mwahahaha. Go Moatise!

I love my new hat

More anon, millinery fanciers!

positive

Noddie is off on a Proper Kinder Excursion (in a bus!!), and not being one of the in-crowd mums (too tall, too cranky, not related to anyone, would rather stick my finger in my eye than wear visible lip-liner) I am sitting in a silent messy house with a mountain of jobs to do before 1pm. This is usually the time I go to pieces and get all gloomy, waste a lot of time on the internet, then hate myself the whole rest of the day for not taking advantage of this window of No Interruptions. But not today. Today I have a List! I love lists! Lists save me from my scatterbrained waftiness and make it all about getting stuff done. They bestow satisfying crossings-out and silence the it’s not fair I always have to do everything mumblings. Mmmmmmm…….lists……
Item 1. Write a blog post.
Sometimes my blog is about what I think (usually the whingeing bits) and sometimes it’s about what I want to think (the bits pinched from other people’s blogs). Well, today I’ll lock in ‘B’ for $25,000 please Eddie.
Iron Geekgrl Misty wrote about patience, how you’re going to be a year older next October anyway so you might as well get started on things that will make your life better even if they take a long time. What’s the point of training when I’m always going to be slow and heavy? The point is that summer will come whether I train or not. Patiently building up my fitness and whittling away my lard will mean I have much more fun in February. Misty made another point about patience that any of us who race can take with us (you well adjusted types probably do this already. Smart-arses): the finish line will still be there whether you beat yourself up about your performance or not. And if you miss the cutoff or get injured and they pull you off the course, there will be other finish lines. Patience. It’s really a mindset of abundance, isn’t it? I like that. There will be enough. There is enough. I am enough.
The mighty Duane reminded me of something else. This winter I’ve been getting more and more negative in my self-talk (lazy, don’t try hard, so slow I wonder why I bother, lurgis my own fault because I don't take proper care of myself, a tragic drunk, a bad mother, terrible taste in shoes etc etc). I wouldn’t let anyone else put me down the way I have been doing to myself! Not wanting to get all 0prah on you, but words are powerful. They can serve me or hinder me. It’s time to be like Duane and get some positive statements out there.
I like getting up early.
I work hard.
I am the best mum and wife I can manage
I don’t eat chips or chocolate, or drink during the week.
I am a swimmer and a runner and a triathlete.
Come on summer, I’m ready! This is right near my parents' place. See why we want to move there?
More anon, manipulators of cosmic forces!

I meant to tell you, I bought a book about how to hear angel messages because the hairdresser told me to (as you do), then I couldn't find it so I thought the angels must have hidden it because I was so skeptical about the whole thing. Then the Spousal Unit found it under the couch.

duck broken

These are exciting times at Chateau LBTEPA. The RSPBEB* has cleared up at last; I've strung together a few weeks of consistent exercise and my word I am feeling better for it; and last but not least, I've finally overcome the siren lure of the doona and done an early morning workout. It was unfortunate that whiny LBTEPA came along for the ride:
I hate this, it's freezing
Be quiet, at least we got out of bed
but I'm reeeally collllllld
pedal harder. Isn't this envigorating?
Envigorating my lardy posterior. I wish I was still snuggled up warmly next to the Spousal Unit. We must be mental
No you don't. This is quite nice really....
no it isn't
...and we're half way there now, time to turn back
Holy smeg, this head wind! It's freezing!Since when do we have southerlies in October?
Please stop whingeing
(mutters sulkily) oh all right then.
I've broken my duck, and I can't wait to go out again.

More anon, keensters!
*Rotten Stinking Pig Bastard Everlasting Bronchitis

Told

Given that it has been pointed out to me* that I 'should look at the big picture' because 'it's not the end of the world' to miss out on a bike ride, and also how 'silly' it is to be so sad about the bike ride when the 19y.o. sister of a friend has come out of remission with leukaemia and has only weeks to live, I don't have much to say today.

My gratitude blog has been unlocked, yay! And our computer is fixed! I was ready to throw it out the window but seeing as all my friends live in it I couldn't do that. It wasn't the modem either, it was some weird code thingo that took the sensationally helpful and patient support person an hour to work out. I really cannot recommend our ISP provider highly enough.
For the next couple of years I am going to plan and train for events but not actually cough up the shekels and hope involved in entering them until the last minute.
I'm going down to the ride expo site this afternoon to cheer in Secret Sara, who as we speak is making her way around the Bay. You go girl! It's mild today but I am wishing the wind away.
UPDATE: Secret Sara blitzed it, riding so fast she finished before we even got there! Huge congrats, mate

More anon, blessing-counters
*the Spousal Unit is a bit of a dickhead sometimes

stranded!

Our modem has turned up its toes and shuffled off this mortal coil. See you when its replcement is installed :)

Marathon Sunday*

aka if you can't join 'em, cheer for 'em
aka it's far better form to hand out refreshments and yell encouragement than to sulk on the couch at home feeling jealous and disappointed
If I'd been running, which I really really wanted to do - and which I WILL be doing in 09 - then I wouldn't have been part of the great Coolrunning cheersquad - our motto: what we lack in numbers we make up for in enthusiasm - and wouldn't have spent the morning with the lovely Secret Sara (sign painter extraordinaire), Pink Lady, Kylie and Davo, waving our streamers and yelling at people to remember, you're a marathoner! and think of the medal! Noddie wouldn't have been doing thisor this(or this)I really really wanted to go the after-race do and catch up with some of my lovely imaginary internet friends but I couldn't, especially after Noddie behaved perfectly the whole five and a half hours we were there but was asleep in the car within minutes of setting off for home. I had a brief Pouty McSulkfest but am over it now. Huge HUGE congratulations to everyone who toed the line on such a hot windy day. I hope the jelly snakes and icypoles helped.

More anon, cheerers from the sidelines!

Automaton

I started a new blog as a convenient spot to write down my 'ten things I'm grateful for' every couple of days - and blogger thinks it's a spam blog and has locked it until a real live person has reviewed it and decides that I am not a spambot!! I've never been perceived as a possible threat to the workings of the internet before. How thrilling.

Things have been a bit nuts here. Saturday really started when I worked until 11pm on Friday night - instead of leaping nimbly from the couch o' slumber to work out, cook, vacuum etc I slept in until eight o'clock (bliss) and then lingered over a cuppa and a magazine until nine, when it was time to pick Noddie up from her sleepover at Nanny's (see bliss, above) and go to J's Nan's 90th birthday brunch. The rose of the sleepover is not without thorns, however: Noddie always stays up late and is Over Excited, not the best for a crowded noisy gathering of rellies. The brunch dragged on and on and we got home again at quarter to three, giving me an hour and three quarters to transform the place from its usual squalor to a vision of loveliness in readiness for the gathering of the clan in honour of my Mum's 70th birthday. I also had to make and decorate a cake worthy of my esteemed mater, and tend to the horribly ill Spousal Unit (barking bronchitis. We expect to be quarantined by the Biosecurity Health Response team shortly. We are looking forward to it). It's a good thing daylight savings didn't start until Saturday night so no-one saw that I hadn't even vacuumed (shock horror). Guests: 12, including the in-laws. Drinks: several. Party: great fun.
On Sunday morning I hosed the place out, propped the Spousal Unit on his recliner in front of some car racing, and went out with Noddie to catch up with a friend of mine down from Sydney. After lunch and a bit of gazing at Art Deco masterpieces, Noddie hit the wall with a splat and slid down it with an ugly smear. To be fair, the exhibition should have been labelled "unsuitable for children": after all, what is a platform with a chair on it but an invitation to climb up? And there wasn't really any harm in her crawling under the jewellery cases, they looked perfectly sturdy.
Then it was Monday, and the work and kinder week began. I'm putting together the jigsaws of Masters applications for next year, which is taking a bit of time - I'm applying for three courses, which means getting certified copies of three sets of eight pages of academic transcripts plus my passport, plus three statements as to why I'm applying for these courses. Because I want to and you're near my house is about 291 words short. Good thing I'm an accomplished bumph-spouter, no? Then I had to line up academic and professional referees to sing my praises on multiple bits of paper (stamped addressed envelopes attached). Let's just say there's a lot of unfolded washing piling up. But I have been exercising. Every day. Go me!

More anon, folk in a flurry!

Doublethink

Now that the rotten stinking pig bastard everlasting bronchitis seems to have buggered off altogether touching anything wood within reach and I am back to regular exercise - yay! yay! - I'm having to manage a mad kind of doublethink. You see, I am currently as weak as an asthmatic kitten and as slow as a drunk slug. Let's not mention the Return of The Lard. All the gains from all that work last summer and autumn have evaporated. Gone. I'm frustrated and discouraged. *frowns/pouts/feels depressed*

ALERT! ALERT! Bleating and wallowing in self-pity imminent! Intiate evasive action! Activate doublethink!

But what is doublethink, you ask? Avoid those unsightly wrinkles, dear reader, and knit not your brow. Doublethink works like this:

1. Eradicate all memory of how effortless things used to be, how 2km or 40km or 15km were just ordinary swims, rides or runs. Pine no more for those dear dead days. That was then, this is now. Suck it up.

....while simultaneously.....

2. Remember how very good it felt to be that strong, and know, somewhere deep down, that I can get back there. Remember how consistent effort works. Remember that it does work.

See? Tooooo confusing - like a speeded-up game of table tennis that is only visible at the very corner of my eye. But it's helping me get out the door each day. Lumbering will change to ease, 17km/hr will become 25. 1000m will become a warmup. Patience, grasshopper.

Unrelated: the chappie who cut my hair today (whom I had not previously met, and who did a smashing job BTW) asked me if I believed in angels. He told me they have messages for me. He seemed otherwise perfectly normal. This is by no means the only angel-themed strangeness to happen lately. Hmmmmmm.

I've been writing a list every day of ten things I'm grateful for. It's changing me.

More anon, cherubim!

10 things I am grateful for

as I sit here after my first ride in weeks
(in no particular order)
- My new, extremely fetching hibiscus-patterned bike jersey
- Nice warm arm and leg warmers
- The wind I was riding in today, because it made me feel strong and brave
- The vivid red geraniums someone has planted along the bike path
- My darling Noddie and the Spousal Unit
- Pink painted nails Noddie and I did while we were having a picnic on the verandah
- Enough money to pay the bills (and buy pretty bike jerseys)
- The hilariously gratuitious key-change in the song "Love Really Hurts Without You"
- The dear, kind souls on the Coolrunning Depression thread who are so quick to rally around a mate having a rough day.
- My stinking rotten stupid pig bastard everlasting bronchitis seems to have finally buggered off (touch wood) so I can start to shed some lard and think about fun things to do this summer. More anon, keepers-at-it

Hooray for holidays

We don't muck around here at Chez LBTEPA when it's school holiday time.
On Monday we got new shoes and took the train and the tram to the beach to paddle, eat icecream and make sandcastles. Yesterday we fulfilled Noddie's long-held ambition and rode on a purple train to Bendigo, to meet up with blogger Royalty - the magnificent Beckie! What pleasure to spend a day in the sunshine with her. Next time we will stay longer.

Tomorrow we are going to the Show. We love holidays.
This week I felt an unfamiliar and astonishing sensation - I had some perceptible energy. Energy! I tell you what, this stuff is ace! If this keeps up, next week I am going to start getting up early again. Maybe even think about some exercise! Oooooh!

More anon, gadabouts!

Lots of things

I can't really blog properly at the moment. My head is full of everything. It's bordering on overwhelming, yet far too boring to put out into the ether
Hope everyone is well. Take care and see you soon

Party time

J had the day off yesterday and Noddie was home sick with him so they spent the day getting ready for a party! Just a party because Noddie thought it would be a good idea. Great fun! They made a cake and fairy bread and blew up balloons; we ate cheese and biscuits, and dip, grilled prawns and chocolate fondue, all by candlelight - how cool! Then we sang along to daggy 80s music (from Mummy's ipod) and played Noddie's instruments and danced and generally had a lovely time. Noddie decided she was having an upsy-down sleep, requiring her pillow to be placed at the foot of the bed - most disconcerting when I went in there later to check on her.
My darling Doggies did the right thing last night - goodbye Swans, mwahahahaha! So what if we get a shellacking from the Cats next week, they have been lay-down misere favourites for the flag since round one. My boys played sensationally and that's enough for me. Anyway, we might win!Severely undermining my belief in the power of vitamin C, zinc and wishing things away, I have awoken this morning still coughing and achy all over. Enough is enough - enough worrying, enough feeling ashamed and a failure, enough scoffing ibuprofen to get through workouts, enough bleating. Enough bloody everything: I am Officially Out of the bay ride. I am more unbearably disappointed than I can express, but enough of that too.
Now we are off to Noddie's swimming lesson where she will show her teacher that she has mastered the freestyle arm stroke (although it was funny watching her doing it all backwards), and then to buy some Dora sandals. I don't remember promising these but apparently I did.

More anon, Springtime frolickers!

Fed to the back teeth

with
- this constant sinus headache
- my footy team
- feeling tired and off colour all the time. For two months. WTF?
- getting exhausted by stupidly small amounts of exercise ( a 5km walk? taking Noddie to the pool? F#$% that for a joke)
- Noddie's cheek and defiance. We're going to have to have another family meeting. Sigh.
- Noddie's incessant coughing (oh come on, you knew I was a bad mother)
- Lance Armstrong
- broken sleep from getting up to Noddie two or three times a night.
- Noddie coughing herself to vomiting point every night, poor little bugger
- changing sheets at 3 am
- feeling disappointed that My Year Off Uni (aka the Year I did All Sorts of Cool Things) has turned out like this
- worrying I won't be able to do the Bay Ride, and having to decide whether I'll do it by next Wednesday because that's the last day for refunds
- my flabby bloated waist
- 'resting' when it seems to be doing F#$% all good.
- feeling undisciplined and greedy and lazy
- my own tiresome whingeingThanks for listening and not sending me a big can of HTFU and a spoon (unless you think I need some. Then go right ahead). Think of it as giving the Spousal Unit a break.

The other day I heard Noddie tell her swimming teacher I can't do it, it's too hard. I was horrified - it's just Not the Sort of Thing We Say here at Schloss LBTEPA . Stop laughing! Afterward we had A Talk about what to do when something is difficult and you feel discouraged. She has been practising saying it's hard, but I'll keep trying.
Better set a good example, hadn't I?

On a brighter note, I like my new job so much I'd almost do it for free.

More anon, back-molar grinders

Happy Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day to my Dad, to Noddie's Dad, and to all the Dads out there. You do a great job and we love you all!A 5km charity walk when lots of Dads would be sleeping in. J, you and Noddie are champs.
Now go and get your prostate checked.
I know I said this last year. Have you done it yet?

More anon, fish-and-chip picnic lunchers!

Half cut

No, I am not inebriated. I sent this email this morning
Dear
I am unable to participate in the half-marathon this year for medical reasons. Oh well, the MCG will still be standing next year!
Thanks again for organising such a great event
LBTEPA
Trying to build my running kms, and my bike kms, and not get injured, and get better from this Rotten Pig Bastard sinus infection was just doing my head in. Something had to give way; alas, it had to be my much-anticipated trot around the hallowed turf in 2008.
Speaking of the RPB sinus infection, I took Noddie to the doctor about her latest germ-o-rama and while I was there spoke to my doctor about how to manage this situation. He’s been away, and is a lot more sports-minded than the one who’s been looking after me in the interim. Following this visit, Secret Sara and my mum received the following sms
Crap crap crap dr says bay ride v unlikely. Going home now to cry, then work out a Plan to increase likelihood.
I did go home, but I didn’t cry. First I ate an entire box of those wonderful wonderful rice cracker thingos that taste exactly like salt-and-vinegar chips. Mmmmmmmmmmm. Then I put on some loud boppy music, did the dishes, vaccumed, put some washing on and cleaned the kitchen. Sara rang and was funny, supportive and gracious, coz that’s the kind of person she is - thanks mate!. Mum rang to tell me that the five times my Dad did the Bay ride, he never did further than 100km in training and I have the same endurance genes – thanks Mum!
I read some blogs and Commodore fired me up. I flicked onto an Age online article and was inspired. A Plan started to germinate. The Spousal Unit came home with a massive, unexpected pay rise. Yay for you, J! He liked the Plan.
Now the Plan is This: get to the start line.
Now now, don’t scoff. There’s genius in simplicity. I’m going to rest as directed and do what training I can after that, keep losing weight and staying off the grog, take my echinacea and zinc and vitamin C and eat my vegies. Subject to a fortnightly review, I’m going to believe I can get to the start line. If I can do that, I'll take the day as it comes.

This just started playing on the stereo. Time to put on my favourite t-shirt.More anon, possibly-deluded but cheerful!

Good signs

So far at least half a dozen people at my new work have told me you'll love it here, it's a great place to work.
Other good signs:
Freeway all the way so even though it's twice the distance it takes half the time.
Lots of windows
Nice (not grey) paint, lots of plants and paintings
Green tea, Earl Grey tea and capuccino machine supplied
Actual real meaningful work

Enough

Warning: this post contains even more self-absorbed navel-gazing than usual

Yesterday Noddie and I were at the finish of the Hill Ride O’Doom to cheer in Secret Sara when we ran into a fellow Cool Runner, the charming M, and his lovely girlfriend. I find M intimidating, which is stupid, and unfair since he has never been anything but encouraging to me - in fact, I wouldn’t have the running goals I do if he and his friends hadn’t been so nice to me when I started. When he remarked that he thought I was supposed to have been riding I didn’t know what to say. Sick again? Not in it because my doctor told me I wasn’t to? It all sounded so lame, so ‘excuses’, so again she’s not doing something she said she would because of some pathetic made-up reason. It sounded like that to me. I hated the words coming out of my mouth, and what these two people I admire must be thinking of me (of course, it's highly unlikely they were thinking anything of the kind!!) The feeling of wimping out, and in particular letting Sara down, had been plaguing me all day. My mind was going in circles.
I shouldn’t have got sick.
There must have been something I could have done that would have prevented it.
Maybe if I just do some little exercise thing each day this infection won’t be such a train crash
I could have had a crack at it.
I’m a piker. I don’t try hard enough. I let people down
I shouldn’t have got sick.
Please note that no-one other than myself said any of these things to me! Stop it, me!
By mid-afternoon, Sara safely cheered across the line – Sara my friend, you are a LEGEND!!!! – I was getting myself really worked up. Confused, tired, sorry for herself LBTEPA needed a good snuggle in the logic blanket to feel better.
Here’s the talk we had. I have left out the ‘yes, buts’ as they were many and I am sure you can imagine them.
FACT: a dodgy thyroid, however well-managed, and recovery from chronic fatigue syndrome, mean my immune system is not 100%. It may never be (although I'm working on it). This is not an ‘excuse’. It is reality. It needs to be managed.
FACT: Noddie started kinder this year and as children do, has brought home every germ going around. This is not an ‘excuse’. It is reality. It needs to be managed.
FACT: My doctor forbade me from training to target the Hill Ride of Doom. This is not an ‘excuse’. It is reality. The last time I disobeyed medical advice went badly. Lesson learnt.
FACT: My ‘A’ event for the winter is the Bay in a Day. Consistent training will get me around. Gung-ho heroics like attempting a gruelling 110km while on antibiotics are counterproductive. This is not an ‘excuse’. It is reality. Suck it up.
FACT: I feel as though I let Sara down. She doesn’t think so. Suck it up. Move on.
FACT: Blaming myself and feeling ashamed for getting sick is predicated on two faulty premises: I am completely in control of everything that happens to me; and everything is about me. ENOUGH. LET IT GO.
I found these conclusions comforting.

Today Minerva and I went out for a bit of a spin that turned into a brain-shaking slog-fest straight into a howling headwind. Think 17km/hr in the small ring on the downhills. Ack. After 25km – about 20km after it first crossed my mind to pack it in, by the way - I cracked like a nut and took the first right-hand turn just to get away from the wind noise. The new road was nice, rolling uphills and zoomy curving downhills, but by the time I got to Whittlesea I was tired and it was starting to spit. You will be so proud of me: I thought, I could ride home, but I’ve done enough for today. I want to run tomorrow. That’s enough.
I found a warm coffee shop with nice magazines and rang the Spousal Unit to pick me up - right in the middle of prayers at church (ooops). He and Noddie drove out to meet me and we had a nice lunch together.

My friend Mary is doing her second Ironman as we speak, and I start my new job, my new career tomorrow.

More anon, strivers