It all ends with joy

Extra added bonus! This post has been fitted with convenient headings so you can choose which bits interest you!
1. Musings on blogging.
Why have a blog? Attention? Loneliness? Wanting to make friends? To connect with people and express myself? To make my goals more real and myself accountable? To celebrate life with like-minded others?
Are you a bit obsessive about your comments? I'm so lame, I sometimes even get a bit huffy and hurt when I don’t get ‘enough’
Neurotic LBTEPA:(whines) why don't they liiiiike me?
Stable LBTEPA: (sarcastically) of course, I forgot, no-one has anything else to do but comment on your blog, which is the centre of the Universe!
*slaps self on head, tells self to Get A Grip*
All utterly adolescent of course, and even more so when I realise it’s actually that ‘people will reject me if I’m not nice/good/ positive and if I’m rejected I will DIE’ thought pattern talking. I have struggled with this stupid reaction most of my life, but at least I recognise and challenge it now. Ah, maturity, eh? The other bloggy struggle I have is how much to disclose. Various life experiences have taught me that it’s dangerous to let people know when you’re feeling vulnerable, but then that leads to a bullet-proof façade which provokes either admiration or hostility - never support - along with trying to cope with everything alone, isolation and depression. I’ve been down that track, girls and boys – it’s not a good way.
It’s always a fire walk, isn’t it? Online as well as in the non-virtual world. You have to reach out to connect with people, but reaching out is scary 'cause you might not encounter kindness. I actually think it’s less of a risk in the blog-sphere, because people who blog have chosen to reach out and are more likely to be honest and supportive because that’s what they want for themselves.
Do you ever wish you didn’t think so much? I want to find the self-doubt switch, turn it off and RIP that bastard out of the wall. I think the answer is to work out the purpose of my blog. Getting that clear in my mind will help me feel more at ease about what I’m writing. For some reason I’m feeling a bit uncomfortable and scratchy in my skin lately, so anything that makes life more peaceful will be a blessing. Or maybe I should just HTFU* and write.
2.Training.
Even without running and with no specific event goals (for moi, tres weird) this has been a good training week. In my mind I’ve committed to doing that 4km swim in December (will have to check the Spousal Unit’s roster and my training progress before I hand over the cash) so I’m seeing all my lunchtime laps as money in the bank. I am utterly in love with riding my bike so every outing is a treat, especially since I think I have finally nutted out the right seat position.
3. Joy.
Did I tell you I’ve switched my car radio to the classical station? I spend about 6 hours a week driving and it occurred to me not long ago that I HATE COMMERCIAL RADIO – annoying announcers, stupid ads, unpleasant doof-doof music. I’ve no idea why it took me so long to think of doing something so simple that punctuates my day with beauty. Since then, I’ve been looking for other unconsidered habits that I might change to put more joy in my life. I need more fresh flowers, more bike rides, more bright colours, more singing. What about your life? What can you change to give yourself more joy?

Coming Soon - end of October wrap-up! Ooooh I bet you can't wait......
More anon, philosophers.*Harden The F#$% Up - a very popular acronym on the very scary hardcore triathlon forum in which I occasionally lurk.

rubik's rehab

Boring boring boring.
Flat flat flat (apart from my burgeoning midriff).
Mojo? Mojo? Wherefore art thou, mojo?
No wonder the comment numbers have been dropping off.
*sigh*
Well pardon me for sounding like Marvin the Paraoid Android - if you haven't read the Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy I don't want to know cos I have recently seen myself in the bathroom mirror in the cruel early morning light and I don't need any more reminders of my vintage (see midriff, above).
So anyway after sweating for weeks over whether my constantly sore achilles/ankles/shins meant I was overdoing things trying for 3+3+3 (swim+ride+run) training sessions per week and thereby heading into a tailspin of chronically injured decrepitude (see mirror incident, above) I saw my physio this morning.
Apparently when you have had an outrageously unstable ankle your feet, shins and calves get used to that, and when the ankle gets all stable again the other bits of the rubik's cube (please tell me you know what a rubik's cube is, or else just kill me now) get all confused and weird and don't know what to do - and tighten up and get all sore. Come to think of it, I shouldn't be surprised: I've had relationships end just like that.
Now we can correct for this new state of affairs. No running this week (awwww, you mean no run 3 minutes/walk 1 for 5km? Boo f#$%ing hoo), even more peculiar exercises added to the daily repertoire, and a review in a week. Yes to cycling, yes to swimming (did I tell you I was thinking about an event in December as a post-thesis treat? Don't tell the Spousal Unit, he already thinks I'm a loony) and it's all good. None of it was because I did anything wrong. It's all normal normal normal and part of the rebuilding process.
All I have to do now is cheer the heck up, stop eating like a combine harvester and stop spending Noddie's inheritance on ebay. Such a bore discovering new dysfunctional stress responses. But it does prove I'm adaptable, no?
Take care everyone, especially the lovely Nancy, Geekgirl, Duane and SB who are racing this weekend. Go hard and have fun.
More anon, grinners!
*EDIT* I just realised this is my 200th post! Thanks everyone for hanging in, you are such darlings and your support means a lot to me ((hugs))
A joke to celebrate: why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide!
hahahaha LOL FOCL ROFL oh I crack myself up......

Ab Fab

Well this post was going to be all, sorry darls I got nuffin for you - flat flat flat lacking inspiration a bit tired a bit worried I might be overdoing it on my ankle blah blah blah, followed by some pretentious homily on Acting As If and how if I just keep on doing the right stuff the mojo will crawl back all hungover and grinning from whatever outrageously fun jaunt it's been on without me pretty soon I'm sure.
But then the magnificent Kathryn sent me this!! Mwah, dahling! Thanks so much for the lovely compliment *blushes*.
It's a serious duty in these conformist times to be as fabulous as possible and I thank Kathryn for reminding me.

Fabulous: –adjective
1. almost impossible to believe; incredible.
2. Informal. exceptionally good or unusual; marvelous; superb: a fabulous bargain; a fabulous new house.
3. told about in fables; purely imaginary: the fabulous exploits of Hercules.
Googling "fabulous" gives you 18,100,000 possibilities.
I think being fabulous is about being true to yourself. Even if they do care what other people think, fabulous people don't let those opinions interfere with living a joyful and courageous life.

Now I am privileged to pass this on to five other fabulous bloggers.
Jeanne,
Wil
Misty
Jayme
and of course our beautiful Beck.
Have you earned your Order of Fabulousness today? Celebrate your inner Diva! Refuse to be beige! Dream big and go after it! Smile while you're doing it! Set an example!

Maybe I will buy that Cup Hat after all.....

I'd best be off now; I'm riding to work today and need to leave early to try and avoid the trucks.
More anon, secret superstars ;)

Xkg - 1

I was going to blog this morning but all three of us were going out on a Saturday Train Adventure 'cos the Spousal Unit wasn't working for a change and I did heaps of work on Thurdsay so I could afford a day off the Bastard Thesis, and I was going to blog this afternoon but I was tired from our outing and had a nanna nap. Sorry my treasures, family pizza lunches at flash waterfront restaurants and sleep come before faffing on about myself.

Things that make me go *beam*
:)

It was so glorious this morning that when I went out for my run I had to restrain myself from breaking into "Zippety-doo-dah, zippety-ay, my oh my what a wonderful day....". It was either the local avian choral society or a bird CWA meeting, but the noise was captivating. The sky looked freshly washed and everything had that lovely soft, golden early-morning look about it. :)Spring Frost , one of my favourite paintings

The other night I was getting my stuff organised for the next day. I pumped up Minerva's tyres, oiled the chain and cogs, and adjusted the seat - amazing what useful stuff comes up when you google 'sore knees bike fit', no?. So what? you may ask. But you see, I can't do this bike-maintenance stuff! It's hard and I don't know how and I always mess it up. Hang on! No I don't! Doing stuff like that thrills me with a no doubt unfounded, but oh-so-sweet feeling of competence :)

As you know, me and the vino, we've been close. But becoming significantly less so, thanks to your encouragement :)

Antibiotics and rest 1: chest infection 0 :)

If you do something like, oh, say, riding your bike or running, three times a week for a month or so, you get better and stronger at it! This always surprises me, which is also funny :)

I'm SO not telling you how much I weigh - we're close, I know, but I'd HATE to have to kill you. It's becoming clear that my approach to lard-shedding - FTF, TBUS - is only working up to a point. It needs to be much more specific to provide the constant positive reinforcements and rewards I require from A Plan. So the plan is this:
I want to lose 9 kilos. In order to do that I need to lose 1 kilo. Then another, and then another and so on.
How to do this? I've begun my campaign by adorning the Bermuda Food Triangle (my kitchen) with yet another set of motivators. Not letters but numbers on my stove splashback and my fridge and my pantry door. The number written up everywhere is 1kg below my current weight. Xkg -1.That's my goal. When that number appears on my scales for an entire week (they are temperamental buggers and prone to messing with my head), I'll rub it off and write up a new Xkg - 1. That's how I'll get there.

Off to watch a George Clooney movie* and eat chicken and asparagus pasta cooked by the Spousal Unit now :) :) :) :)

More anon, strivers!
*Waddya mean, which one? Does it matter? Ocean's 13, actually - eye-candy heaven with Matt Damon, Brad Pitt and Andy Garcia. Rwow!

Minerva's big day out

It's So I did!
It was great fun, although the words 'so your legs hurt going up the hill and you've run out of gears? Whoopy-f$%*ing-do. You won't die and it'll stop at the top' did cross my mind several times.

Being as I'll do pretty much anything if there's a free feed involved, I joined in a community breakfast about halfway to work where the friendly local cyclists happily stuffing their faces were kind enough to impart their bike-wisdom. I found out which bike shop to go to (the staff at the one I've been going to are vying energetically for Mr Condescending Git 2007) , a Sunday morning riding group near my house, and had my bike engraved with an ID number (also free - woot!). Thanks to these good souls the Yarra Bike Trail is a frightening mystery no longer. I tell you what though - showering at work is a bit freaky. I piled all my stuff up against the locked door just in case.
Whether I ride or train it the 16km home (don't laugh, you bike-geeks, I have to start somewhere!) will depend on how sore my ankle feels later this morning. My rehab depends on my having the discipline to say 'that's enough, I'm stopping' when I really really want to just push it a teeeeeeny bit further. It drives me absolutely mental not to be able to plan plan plan lovely events and goals and schedules - but I know if I did, I'd be much more inclined to overdo it in training. There are nine or ten events I want to do over the next few months; I'm not entering any until the last minute so as not to risk overloading this pesky joint.

As the pinup-girl for Stretch-Goals-R-Us, this INFURIATES me.

*short pause as LBTEPA bangs her head against the wall*
I have to keep reminding myself that I'm training for fifty+ more years of active life, not just this summer. Sigh.

I *heart* Minerva.

More anon, hjólreiðamaður!
Isn't Icelandic a grouse language?

You know what?

Being whacked with the frump stick is a choice, and has nothing to do with size or income.
Having loads of people rush up and say they're glad to see you and you look awesome is extremely astonishing and gratifying.
Not appreciating your life is a terrible waste.
As of now I am OVER feeling apologetic for being over-the-top.
Why was I the only one with photos and address cards?
I am disgusted by people who have nothing good to say about their children.
Saying 'I'm not interested in learning about computers or the internet' is f%$king LAME.
The most attractive people are those who have something in their life that excites them - job, kids, triathlon, fishing, travel - it doesn't matter what, just that something makes your face light up when you talk about it.
It's great to feel validated in the way you approach your life.
It's a gift to be able to say, I'm so sorry I never found you all these years; I'm so very glad you came tonight and we're in touch again.
People who have always had email probably don't realise what a blessing it is.
It's good to be able to say, it's midnight and I've had a wonderful time and I'm going home now.

More anon, my friends!

SHOPPING. IS. HELL.*

And that's all I have to say about those three hours of my life that I can never get back.
I'm driving up to the old home town with a friend from school. We caught up during the organising of this shindig and I hope we stay in touch as she is an absolute gem.

Did I mention I. HATE. CLOTHES. and especially SHOPPING? Not entirely true - I love clothes but I am crap at buying anything that suits me. I dread that helpless feeling of incompetence I get stumbling around shopping centres, miserably watching other people effortlessly locate and snap up that perfect stylish little something. I was seriously considering piking on the reunion because I. Hated. a) Everything I own (except my boots - thanks to Linda and Beck for reminding me I own them - how could I forget them? what a train crash of a social life I have...) and b) Everything and Everyone (no exceptions).

More anon, fashion victims!
*See how this has messed with my head? I. Never. Do. This. Full. Stop. Stuff.
**in moderation, of course.

Freakout!

Have you turned out the way you were supposed to? Have you achieved what you wanted? Have you messed up your life? Disappointed yourself? Not done what you planned or wished to? Would you impress your old friends? Your old enemies? Can I get a facelift, liposuction, a great haircut and a fabulous life in the next four days?

It’s my high school reunion on Saturday.

WHAT AM I GOING TO WEAR?

Effortless yet awesome, that's the ticket. Do I own anything effortless yet awesome? Bugger!

I've pretty much convinced myself that not only is no-one expecting me to defend how my life has turned out, but also everyone will secretly fear that they will have to justify theirs, so we will all have a few too many sherbets and have a great time.
Have you been to a reunion? How did it go?

More anon, paleontologists

Melbourne Marathon cheersquad 2007

We probably shouldn't have joined the cheersquad today as we are sick as pigs with some horrid lurgi, but I said I would. You know how it is. We had a brilliant time yelling and clanging our cowbells. Noddie enjoyed herself hugely handing out jelly snakes. Now we feel DREADFUL but we can die happy after such a fun day. Congratulations to everyone!!

No idle threats

I never make idle threats, so I have lodged a formal complaint with the Equal Opportunity Commission against the triathlon organisers on the grounds that it is inequitable (and unlawful) to offer particular competitive conditions to men and not to women. This is not to say that all races must offer Athena and Clydesdale classes - but if you offer one then you have to offer both! It's not that difficult to follow, surely...
J kind of sighed and asked me, do you need this right now? All I could say was, once I recognised what was going on, and knew that it was wrong, and knew that there was something I could do, then I had to do it. Now it's in the hands of the EOC and could take several weeks to get going. The more I talk to my friends, the more convinced I am that I have done the right thing. The prejudice against larger people, especially women, grows more and more overt all the time.
Don't get me started on the BMI...grrrrrrrrr. Go to Jeanne's page and follow the link to the illustrated BMI for an eye-opener. And as for the flaming I got when I put a thread about this on coolrunning! Mind you most of that was from some prat using the handle Kipketer - he clearly has issues....unless Wilson Kipketer actually gives a rat's backside about my actions - oooh!
The thing is, I'm very confident at sports (I said confident, not good LOL) and I'll do any damn event I feel like whether or not I'm the lardiest or the slowest or have the worst hair or whatever. Many women aren't so lucky. My own dear sister said she'd think twice about going in a tri because she'd feel so bad competing against all those whippet-women - no criticism of those genetically-blessed creatures implied of course. She is as game as Ned kelly, my sister, and I'm doing this for her and women like her.
Enough on that for now.
This weekend is the Melbourne Marathon! I'm still pretty cut that I can't do the half and finish with a run on the MCG *pouts*. Next year. I'll be spending the time productively, screaming, yelling and throwing jelly snakes at our friends as they zoom/trudge by as part of the coolrunning cheersquad instead! (Kipketer is from Sydney so I should be safe). Not quite as cool as running it, but immeasurably less painless, and the last two years they've made me feel like a rock star as I trundled by so I'm happy to help out.

This post has got a bit out of hand so I'll have to tell you All About my Big Plans for the summer next time. Something to keep you awake, eh?
More anon, crusaders!

Bastards

Here is the response I got from the organisers of the tri series I was planning on doing, after I emailed them that I believed I had no choice but to lodge a complaint with the Equal Opportunity Commission on the grounds that their running a Clydesdale but not an Athena category was discriminating on the grounds of sex.

Good afternoon ,

I understand that you have had several discussions with our staff regarding the inclusion or otherwise of an Athena category in the forthcoming Gatorade Triathlon Series. Thank you for your feedback and comments.

Prior to the commencement of the 0607 Gatorade Triathlon Series the decision was made to discontinue the Athena category as a result of only one or two competitors entering this category during the preceding season. The facilitation of event categories requires the allocation of a significant amount of resources in the form of prizes, swim caps and wave start coordination, bike racks, administration and event registration requirements. As with any other product (be it a super market item or model of car) when there is insufficient demand the item will be withdrawn from the market by its manufacturers and the scenario that we are discussing is no different.

AT the completion of every Gatorade Triathlon Series event SuperSprint collects survey responses from participants of how they rate the various components of the event and requests for any new additions. Since the Athena category was discontinued we have not yet had one request (apart from yours) for it to be reinstated. We shall continue to monitor the demand in future.

We respect your right to refer this matter to the Equal Opportunity Commission however for the reasons outlined above we would have no concerns about justifying our decision.

Regards,

I'm upset now - the gatorade triathlons are the best, and pretty much the only, events run in Melbourne - but how can I give these pr%&*s my money? I wouldn't spit on them if they were on fire.
Please keep in mind that they have repeatedly told me there is no minimum number of entries for a category. In addition, how can people request a category which they are not told about? I don't believe their arguments are valid and I think their attitude is absolutely offensive, but I want to race.
Bastards.