Life, the Universe and Everything

Monday
4.30pm knock off work. A hard day after the weekend, but the team is well supported. Think about cancelling tomorrow's party, but decide it's important to get together and celebrate even when times are dreadful.
4.50-6pm pick up Noddie from Nanny's, do high-speed grocery shop, zoom home and pick up Noddie's togs
6-6.30pm Noddie's first swimming lesson with a new teacher. What a champ my girl is.
6.50-8.30 dinner, stories, bedtime
8.30 decide not to make birthday cake. Watch Top Gear and have a glass of wine with the Spousal Unit.
9.45 zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Tuesday
05.00 turn 42
05.20 get up and find Noddie's teddy for her (he had fallen out of bed)
05.45 decide that I will get up and run
06.40 shower
06.45 hop back into bed, elbow Spousal Unit and tell him that he and Noddie had better get on with the breakfast in bed becuase I have to leave for work in 45 minutes
07.00 breakfast in bed! Presents! More presents! (I'm spoilt, I know, but these ARE a combination Christmas/birthday present. We picked them up on the weekend. I can't wait until Friday when MInerva and I can play with them!)
10.30 co-worker notices 'SO FAR, THIS IS THE OLDEST I'VE EVER BEEN' t-shirt that I got for my 40th and 'birthday girl' badge that Noddie insisted I wear10.40 team sings happy birthday very softly in the phone room
10.42 supervisor thinks I can't possibly be over 40; immediately becomes my new very best friend
3pm finish work.
3.30 pick up Over Excited Noddie, start cleaning house and making food for party
3.31 decide to have a rest first
4.30 realise people are coming in two hours so getting something done might be a Good Plan
4.31 Spousal Unit comes home early to show me my surprise - he shaved his beard off!!!! Swoooooon! Who knew he could exude any more hawtness? Well actually I did, which is why I've been asking him to shave it off for two years, but *fans self* it was worth the wait.5.00-6.30 sing along to radio, make salads, birthday cake and dessert, set table, clean bathroom.
6.30-9.30 decorate cake. Accept many delightful cards, presents and telephone birthday wishes. Eat, drink and make very merry with family and friends, including three Over Excited under-6s and my sister's adorable new puppy.9.30-11.30 discover friends' hitherto unsuspected staying power - sing, laugh and dance around the living room to the Rocky Horror Picture Show!
12.15 zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Wednesday
07.30 vaguely notice Spousal unit getting up to get Noddie ready for school. Feel pleased not to be working today
08.45-12.00 drink tea, do dishes, eat baked bean jaffle. Spend birthday gift voucher on fabulous red shoes I've been lusting after for months.
Who knew chocolate crackles could be so much fun?
More anon, towel-minders!

Terrible

What a terrible weekend. Even where we live, about 20km away from the main fires, the heat and winds were demonic.
We were lucky - our loved ones are all safe. I just thank God for the brave, brave CFA volunteers.

What Noddie did next

Enjoy school, little mate. You will have so many adventures!

What I did on my holidays

More anon, Ni-Van fans! Viva Vanuatu!

Race Report: Sandringham Olympic Distance

Event: Sandringham Olympic Distance
Time: 3.28.10
Rating: thrilled

My poor bike Minerva got the shock of her life when through sheer desperation I actually cleaned her chain and gearset on Saturday. Toothbrush, degreaser, bike oil, the lot. It took ages and I got filthy but once finished, I felt that, when I was pulled weeping from the course on the morrow for being too slow, at least I would have Done All I Could. After that, Noddie and I drove down to register and to reconnoiter, as I hadn’t raced in Sandringham before. I was terrified of missing the bike cutoff so it was handy being the only entrant in my category - the good people at the enquiries table were kind enough to heed my pleas and move me to a wave 12 minutes earlier than my original one. Then again, seeing as they had lost my race pack and told me I might have to set up on the late entry rack, it was probably the least they could do. Then Noddie and I went down (and down and down) to the beach. I had heard Bad Things from my friend M about a virtually vertical 1.2km run from the swim finish to T1. They were true. I decided on my strategy on the spot: channel Godzilla. I would stomp and roar my way up (and up and up) the ramp and the road. Fearsome mutant reptiles don’t fear hills, and they don’t run up them either. I felt like a fearsome mutant reptile watching some tri-chicks emerge from the water after a swim and strip down to teeny string bikinis arranged over bronzed, toned, magazine-cover bodies. I wanted to go home and hide under the doona until July but Noddie hadn’t finished building her sandcastle so I just ate my sandwiches and tried to feel fabulous. That evening I worked my way through The List TM; what to pack, where to park, what to wear, what to eat, what time to leave. Do my race nails. Don’t forget my bike. Eat some pasta, cry over the Dick and Ricky Hoyt story on Y0utube and off to bed. Next morning was the old stumble about slurp tea drive across the city wander vaguely into transition in the half-dark routine. My friends M and G-the-super-racer were there and very encouraging as always. I could hardly speak for Not Worrying what me, worry? My head was filled with little sums ok start at 7.23, 30 minutes for the swim, 10 minutes to get up that hill and out on the bike and that’ll be...ummm… The water was almost flat calm; G was going on about how last year there were 2-metre swells but I am LBTEPA Goddess of the Ocean so I just smiled at him. A quick warmup and then off we went. I was enjoying the swim, apart from my wetsuit trying to bite chunks out of my neck ow ow ow - I’ve had it for years so I don't know what happened. I clearly enjoyed it too much; when I glanced at my watch as I came out of the water my mood came crashing down. Thirty seven minutes? WTF? Nothing for it but to stomp like a slow-motion Godzilla up that everlasting ramp as thousands of lithe speedsters flitted past. Stomp stomp stomp. Minerva where are you? Into my socks and shoes and off we went. I haven’t been using my bike computer lately as I’ve been in an easily discouraged phase, but this day I thought it might cheer me up to see that I was hitting my time targets. No. Wrong. Within 8km I was almost crying with agitation. Too slow, too tired, legs too sore. Too heavy, too underdone, too sooky. I wished for a flat so I could give up without having to admit I’d given up. Then I thought, what would I say to Noddie? I couldn’t tell her she has to keep trying when things are hard then crumple like a damp newspaper myself. There was nothing for it but a good big swig of HTFU - and to put that mind-f$&%er of a computer away. My glove fell out of my bento box as I did this but I wasn’t stopping, I was too convinced that the sag wagon was lurking behand me, just waiting for an excuse to snatch me up. Up and down the beach road hills I went (don’t laugh Mark, if it’s not flat it’s a hill to me). I started to cheer up after the first loop as my little sums seemed to be giving me a bit more of a time cushion, but I was still riding on wings of terror. Then all of a sudden, I was Saved! My Song saved me – my everlasting, all-purpose, add the bits you need riding and running song.
Turn em over turn em over turn em over turn em o-o-over
use your gears use your gears turn em over
use your core use your core turn em over
just relax just relax turn em over
0ne hill at a ti-ime
As I approached the cutoff point, I knew I was going to make it in time. I was grinning, baring my teeth at my burning quads and the rising road that wasn't going to stop me. I even passed some people! Ok, two. On mountain bikes. But still. How happy I was to hit Bluff Road! No matter what, I would finish now! Even if I had to walk! Fateful words, it seemed: I’d been slugging down sports drink every ten minutes and a gel every 40-50 minutes, and by the time I was approaching the bike-run transition it was clear that this was Not Agreeing with me. Can anyone say GI Issues? Oooh my tummy. I felt very gassy and crampy by the end of the bike. Once I’d racked my dear companion Minerva and set off happily on the run-they-couldn’t-make-me-stop (grinning like a maniac the while) things became More Urgent, if you know what I mean. I would like to extend heartfelt thanks to the Hampton SLSC for their well-maintained and convenient facilities, and if the race officials and other competitors were aware how narrow was the avoidance of an Unpleasant Incident, I’m sure they would too. The run was two loops, along the beach road and back along the foreshore. Once the threat of not being able to Keep Myself Nice was averted, it was rather pleasant, in a perhaps I should think of a new hobby sort of way. There was a steep ramp to get back up to the road, which I walked both times. If I wanted to run up hills I’d do the Tan. I kept being surprised at how strong my legs felt. Lately a lot of my training ‘runs’ (in the absence of a more pejorative word) have been slogfests whose sole value has been to teach me that I can keep moving when I really want to stop. Because of them, I knew what to do. Hold your form and relax. It's not meant to be fun. Keep moving.
turn em over turn em over turn em over turn em o-ver, hold your hold your fo-orm.
At the 6km mark I attempted a bit more metal arithmetic. 6km to go, that’s 45 minutes-ish…..if I keep it up and don’t go all sooky la la I could come pretty close to my Bairnsdale Olympic time! Cool! On I trotted. Hang on (more astute readers will have noticed this already) ….6km means there's only 4km to go! If I keep this up I can do a pb! It’s amazing how cheering such a thought can be. On and on I went. Past the drink station, up the ramp, along the road, through the carpark….into the oval…the racks were almost empty and presentations had already started but I didn’t care. I was so happy to have crashed through those walls of fear and I can’t and it’s too hard and I’m not good enough that I charged along that chute like I was Emma Snowsill. That buzz, that I did it, I did it I did it! buzz...…it’s intoxicating. You can’t stop grinning. Your legs hurt and your chest heaves but it’s like floating on air. That’s the sensation that brings me back again and again – those euphoric seconds of seeing the clock and knowing that I’ve chased down a dream this morning. I’m smiling now, thinking about it. It’s what gets me out of bed of a morning, or off the couch. Hard-earned bliss. I didn’t think I could do it, and I had a crack, and I did it.
Ever the tragic bling-ho, I panted over to the presentation people and let them know I’d finished. I was ushered up on to the podium and festooned with goodies. It was all such a blur. My friends M and G were still hanging around waiting for me, bless them, and they had remind me to look at my prize! More awesome swag – some paddles, a silicone cap and some new goggles so fancy that it took me a couple of minutes to open the box LOL. What a lucky girl I am! I got talking to another woman who’d wanted to enter as an Athena but hadn’t because she was trying to lose weight and her husband told her she should go in her age group. I said it was about being proud of what you could do, no matter what your current size. I hope she’s racing me next time and here's a big *raspberry* for her husband too. After that it was a matter of liberating Minerva, finding my car, driving home via KFC....I know, I know.... and spending a dreamy afternoon in the sunshine with Noddie, feeling very tired and very very happy. My medal rubbed against the chafing on my neck, but it didn't matter.
THE ENDMore anon.

It's just a jump to the left

As I have pointed out in the past, the world needs more fabulousness, which is why this is the Best Show Ever. iOTA is essence of Tim Curry channelling Freddie Mercury , with just a dash of RuPaul. I came out of the theatre and bought my brother a ticket. You need to get a ticket. Buy a ticket. Beg, borrow or steal a ticket. Just go and let's do the Time Warp again!
The race report is almost finished, but I've been having too much fun doing summer things like taking Noddie to the pool, reading fashion mags from the library and watching the tennis. We're going to Mum's again this weekend, and leave for a week in Vanuatu next Wednesday *grins*
More anon, sybarites!

LBTEPA ATHENA 4830 S 37:12 B 1:32:58 R 1:11:52 3:28:06 = 10min PB!! My mantra, plus graffiti from friends - thanks M, you and G are solid gold.
On my other arm I had a soppy message from J - when things got hard I imagined him and Noddie cheering me on

Excellent race t-shirt plus first place Athena medalOur fridge, after a couple of celebratory sherbets

This was a race of technique and mind games. I'm glad I did it and it's over: I've learned a lot and have a bit to prove this summer! Race report in a couple of days.
More anon, wingers and prayers!

what's the worst thing that could happen?

That's what I said to the Spousal Unit after I entered the Olympic distance triathlon this Sunday even though, as you know, I've done bugger all training lately. What's a pleasant 1500/40km/10km between friends after all? *laughs maniacally; rocks back and forth, twitching*
Excuse me while I hyperventilate............
The comment followed one of those on-and-off through the evening should I shouldn't I, I dunno, what do you think? conversations that ended with my asking the Spousal Unit if he thought I should do it and him saying yaairr, why not? (he doesn't know how much the entry cost).
So what IS the worst thing that could happen?
I could DIE (unlikely...probably)
I could come last (very likely, after an inspection of last year's results. Also see 'amount of training since November')
I could miss the bike cutoff (better HAMMER it (see 'entry cost'); although there is no bike cutoff posted in the race information so I'd like to see them try enforcing it)*NOW they've posted it....it'll be a stretch....oh dear oh dear oh dear oh dear....breathe in, breathe out....
It could hurt a lot (very very likely)
I could have a really crap time - but that's up to me, eh?
Excuse me while I hyperventilate............
Goals, goals, I need some goals! And a plan! I need a Plan! How about this? 1. Show up. 2. Start 3. Finish, upright and smiling 4.(I bet you knew this one) Wear the t-shirt. Time goal: under 4 hours.
I need a nutrition plan too. Having not practiced anything longer than two hours for ever, I've forgotten what to do! Gels and sports drink? Just gels ? Just champagne and canapes on a chaise lounge? Help! J would like some help too - he's preparing a list of answers to the repeated anguished wails of WHY do I do these things again? coming his way over the next few days.
While I hyperventilate a bit more, here's what we did on our delicious long weekend away at Mum's

More anon, justifiers of lunatic decisions

Happy new year

all the cool bloggers are doing reviews of 2008 and goals for 2009 and I am nothing if not a sheep *baaa* I was actually born in the year of the sheep and collect sheep figurines so I have an affinity for our ovine friends: however, I digress. I set quite a few goals for 2008. Because Noddie was at kinder and I wasn't studying, there would be actual free, unallocated time! It was my 'gunna' year - I was gunna do so many things, so many...anyway, here we go
Goals for 2008
1. complete an Olympic distance triathlon
2. run my first full marathon, on the Gold Coast
3. complete the 210km Bay in a Day cycling event
4. run the Melbourne half Marathon, finishing at the MCG
5. have piano lessons
6. read lots of trashy novels
7. lose 10kg
8. be accepted in a Masters in Clinical Psychology at my old uni
What I actually did
1. Bairnsdale Olympic distance triathlon completed!
2. Ran the Gold Coast half marathon
3. DNS. Let's not go there.
4. CR cheer squad again.
5. huh? Crap, I forgot
6. Oh, yes...
7. lost 6kg. gained 3kg of it back.
8. decided on a Masters in health psych at another uni
There are two ways to look at this. It could be seen as utter failure (except for 1, which was ace, and 6 - that went really well). Hardly any of my grand dreams came true. Should have, could have, didn't could be crushing me right now.
I choose to look back at an exciting year. I learned so much. I started a new career in the field I have been working toward for a long time. I continue to learn that working as a psychologist will be far more complex and demanding than I was expecting. I started to learn how to race beyond the point where you want to puke. I learned - AGAIN - how to suck up huge personal (aka ego-driven) disappointment and admit that there are things you just can't do anything about. I found out who my friends are, and put more effort into appreciating them. I hope I never lose that. I walked my talk, and put my family first when I had to, and didn't mind. I stopped wearing a watch or a HRM or using my bike computer or recording my training distances because the numbers were freaking me out instead of motivating me. I did stuff because I said I would. I became more aware of why I do things; I did what I love (apart from nearly drowning a good friend, ahem, sorry about that Secret Sara). I had fun.
I don't have many goals for 2009*. I will support Noddie and the Spousal Unit and work to make our little family even stronger and more loving. I will seek the good in my nearest and dearest rather than only seeing their faults. I am going to shed those pesky kgs again, and pass uni. We are going to the Gold Coast again in July because I have a bone to pick with that half marathon (and we love theme parks); and I'll be really pleased if I can finally run into the G in October. I'd like to do at least two more Olympic distance triathlons this summer. I'm really enjoying this calm feeling. It's hard to describe - something like maybe I am good enough and I do work hard enough? - but I'm hanging onto it as long as I can. I'll train as often as I can and race when I can. I can feel a good year coming on. I can.

Can you?
*Thinking about this overnight, it is not actually true. Check the sidebar. Next post,eh?
More anon, cheerful anticipators!
NEXT: LBTEPA decides a week is not enough preparation for an Olympic distance triathlon

Decisions

The other day I decided: I look fabulous. I decided that I would always think I look fabulous, not just when I’m scrubbed up and frocked up and posed to hide the turkey wings and chins. You see, I’ve been a bit down on myself lately. I’ve gained three kilos since July, fully half of the weight I chiselled off in the first half of 08. It’s easy to look in the mirror and only see my thickened waist and heavy thighs. I'm a champion at looking at a photo and only seeing the spare tyre and the overbite. I have decided to break that habit. My measurements and my weight are not my worth. I look great all the time because I am LBTEPA and I say so. Sometimes even out loud.
As for that pesky lard, don’t think I don’t have a plan, cos by crikey I do! Mwahahaha!
Now the Plan is This: after the sherbet-fuelled scoff-fest and party-extravaganza that is December in our household (I blame my inlaws; if they’d canoodled in January 1961 instead of March the Spousal Unit J would have a nice convenient October birthday instead of exposing us to incipient hyperglycaemia every Christmas), there will be no chips, no chocolate, and no cake of any kind for the duration (other than in exceptional circumstances). I’ll restart my strategy of five days a week with no more than one drink, and only after 9pm (so I’m having it because I want to, not to mute the chaos). I’ll write ‘STOP’ on my hand so as to thwart its frequent sneaky forays to the cracker jar. Most importantly, I will move my lardy - yet fabulous - posterior every day. I’ve fallen into the trap of saying oh woe, oh woe, I haven’t (made/organised/managed) enough time for the workout I planned. Well fine, I’ll just sulk and fold washing instead. Then suddenly it's been three days since I last worked out and my pants are even tighter.
All very basic and Captain Obvious. I don't like to fail. All the 'wins' in this plan are behavioural rather than weight based because, well, me and the Scale Gods, we don't get on. I don't need those b#$%&*s messing with my head. Don't tell anyone, but my real aim is to look sensational in my new red dress, which is only ok at the moment if I concentrate really hard on sucking my tummy in. I'll let you know how it goes...
Next: LBTEPA decides that two weeks is not enough preparation for an Olympic distance tri.

More anon, Fancy Nancies!

how was your Christmas?

Everything was just lovely this year. We had such a happy day. After church we scoffed prawns and warm pork rolls at the park, then the rellie hordes descended for the cold-meat-and-salad and present-fest. I'm never ever eating again....until the Spousal Unit's birthday party tomorrow....uurrgghh
More anon, revellers!

dreaming of a white christmas

Sorry, couldn't resist the pun
Today is Noddie's very last day of family day care ever. What a milestone. We have organised an aromatherapy massage for her carer; that woman has earned it. I did go to the family Christmas party after all and it wasn't all that bad, even with no lunch (we were late because of Noddie's Sunday school prize giving) and no chardonnay. Otherwise the weekend was chock full o'Christmassy goodness - I've done my final, final, no really there's no more I need Christmas present shopping! I was going to get my in-laws a digital phot frame (what do you get people with no interests?), then whom should I spy in a shop signing his autobiography but their football hero? Half an hour in the queue and the it's bad to loathe your in-laws demons were appeased. Then it was bauble making and Daddy-present-buying with Noddie, Saturday night carol service where the tiny doll in Mary's arms turned out to be a real two week old baby (awwwwwww). Monday was a family breakfast and a trip into the city to see the Myer windows , with some christmas pudding making (late, I know, but better than nothing) and pre-visitor-onslaught cleaning to top it all off, all to the strains of Bing Crosby and the Mormon Tabernacle choir. I love Christmas.
I even managed to squeeze a couple of runs and a ride. You know, a missed workout is often not about the actual exercise; it's the fact that clawing some time out of the day is itself another task. When I'm feeling overloaded it's often 'too hard' to juggle the jigsaw to fit in one more thing. I'm pleased I did it this weekend. I'm also happy it's a quiet day at work today, and that my best friend A has come over from Perth for Christmas and we'll be catching up today.

More anon, seasonal-enthusiasts! Joy to the world !

Oooooh!

Once I got dry and warm and woke up properly after the weekend (about Tuesday) and had a couple of free minutes to faff about on the internet, I looked up my first-prize Athena sunnies. All I can say is oooh! What a lucky girl I am. Clearly their powers of fabulousness are beyond mortal ken: they even pulled me out the door for a run yesterday afternoon!
I've been doing a lot of overtime lately so keeping up with things has been a bit rush rush juggle juggle keep moving stay calm. That's finished now; we are cashed up and I'm tired and ready for Christmas and the summer holidays (if it ever gets above twenty or stops raining, not that I mind the rain because of the drought but really.... I digress). Today I'm going into the City on the train to do errands and finish the shopping By Myself. Maybe have some lunch and a swim. Bliss.
I'm supposed to go to a family do on Sunday afternoon that is likely to be chock full o' J's charming relatives (true), where Noddie is likely to behave poorly because she has yet to get the hang of parties, poor love (true) and where my inlaws will leave it to me to deal with it and not interfere or make homicidal-rage-inducing comments (so not true). J is working, so I'll be driving and thus fortification-by-chardy won't be an option. I might give it a miss. Noddie and I can make shortbread instead. Good Plan!More anon, holders of realistic expectations!

I'm not A fat panda

I had a good time in the 4km ocean swim on Saturday. My friend Secret Sara had a totally crap time in the same swim, although I didn’t realise it until afterward, or that it was her very first ocean swim ever. At first we were swimming together and I was encouraging her, but then it occurred to me how annoying it must be to have someone constantly yapping on when you’re doing it hard. I thought she’d probably prefer me not to be at her shoulder saying ‘go Sara go’. I tried to stay just ahead of her and wait at each bouy to wave to her so she’d know which way to go, but then every time I waved, the safety boat would roar over because they thought I was in trouble. Then the weather blew up and I was having to concentrate on my own sighting and moving with the swell – and when I got to the next bouy I couldn’t see Sara any more. Every time I stopped I asked the lifeguards if they could see her and they always could; she seemed to be moving steadily, so I kept going. The course was two long thin rectangles; by the short end of the second loop it was getting so windy we were just about swimming uphill. Sighting was a matter of waiting for the top of a swell, line up the bouy and hope for the best until the next one. If it had been that rough when we started I don’t think they’d have let us set off. I became engrossed in the rhythm of breathing and sighting, one two three two two three three two three sight two three, one two three two two three.... It was hard to see the markers on the outermost leg of the course because they were white (stupid stupid stupid when the whole world at water level was pale grey). At one stage it was raining so hard that I couldn’t see the shore, or the bouy, or anyone. I just bobbed up and down in the water for a minute, enjoying the lovely sounds of the ocean and the rain and the feeling of the water…..a beautiful moment. Exhilarating. I peered in the direction I thought the marker should be and there it was, so off I went again. I kept asking the lifeguards if they could see Sara – they always could - and telling them her name and asking them to encourage her for me. She’s so strong and determined that it didn’t occur to me that she wouldn’t be ok. The water got more and more rough. I was just grinning at the sheer magnificent lunacy of it all. I was feeling strong, and happy with my technique, and tired and very cold and worried about Sara as well. I was so happy to round the last marker and be headed in. This was almost the most difficult leg of the race because you had to cut diagonally across the swell. The lifeguards kept telling people to look for the yellow pole but it was almost impossible to see against the coloured bathing boxes – I found the lifesaving club and then sighted on a tall building behind it for a while one two three two two three three two three aha there you are, you bastard until I could see that wretched pole. Once I got to it I could see the finish. It was a mess – they had laid out the cans for the 1.2km race so we had to weave through them, and there were a lot of swimmers warming up as well. I just kept swimming and sighting and watching the red letters get larger and larger, one two three two two three three two three bring it on two three… All too soon my fingertips hit the bottom and I stood up to stagger through the shallows and up the beach. I’ve been spoilt doing triathlons, I think – I was so surprised they didn’t take off my chip! I don't know why I felt as though I was going to be sick, but once the urge had passed, all I could think of was where Sara might be. I squinted out through the rain and all the 1.2km people until I saw a little white cap in the distance. She was still a long way out and moving very slowly so I went out again to swim her in. I nearly had tears in my eyes at how brave she was to keep going when she was obviously exhausted. We got to the shallows and her poor legs were cramping so I helped her up and over the line. I took her chip off and she just started crying and saying she was never ever doing that again, a very sensible response really, so I hustled us off to the change room to start to get warm. I was absolutely shaking with cold. Sara kept saying she wasn’t cold at all so I was worried about that too. It was only when we were getting changed I realised Sara had never done an ocean race before. The other women were so lovely, they were all praising her and telling her that it was a technically difficult course (true) and a really hard day (f#$% yes). Because I have been swimming in the ocean for most of my life I am not scared of the sea. I cannot comprehend how hard that must have been for her out there. To gut it out like that leaves me in awe.
To conclude the swim report, I would like to express how much in love with my car heater I am. When I got home J and Noddie were at a birthday party so I fell asleep on the recliner with the heater on full blast hello? Summer? This is LBTEPA and I would like to ask just when the F#$% you are planning on arriving? Then we watched Kung Fu Panda, now officially my new fave movie. Fave lines:
Tai Lung: You're nothing but a big fat Panda
Po: I’m not A big fat Panda, I’m THE big fat Panda!
.....making a neat segue into Sunday’s triathlon, where I was not just an old slow Athena. I was THE old slow Athena. In answer to Jeanne’s question, you "accidentally" enter a triathlon the day after a 4km swim when you fail to comprehend that Dec 13th and Dec 14th are consecutive days. You’re right, I need to be more big picture. Let me confess that I just wasn't feeling the love on race morning. It rained so hard I was soaked to the skin setting up transition - it was worth my TA membership just to stand in the Triathlon Victoria tent. Some effortful reframing was necessary to avert the complaining-despair death-spiral. My happy place was hiding but I found it eventually. The quickest way to describe things is to remind you of my race report of a couple of weeks ago, subtract ten degrees, double the howling wind, add squalls of stinging sideways rain and take away one Athena so I got first place and a nice new pair of sunglasses. I’m still in love with my car heater.

soon

I've been rendered speechless by the weekend's double-header, will try and do reports soon.

DAIS, NAID

A couple of years ago I read a really good book called Unplug the Christmas Machine. Its main point was that, apart from the things we really have to do (like Noddie's kinder concert and having my in-laws over), a lot of the stuff we do at Christmas is stuff we think we should do, and as such, may or may not contribute to the joy and meaning of Christmas. There are Christmassy activities that I pretty much almost always do, but apart from church and the family, and to an extent the tree now because of Noddie, any one of them could be thrown off the back of the sleigh (did you notice that seasonal pun? Oooh I'm hilarious...) if it sucks happiness out of Christmas rather than adding to it. I try and make sure the season is about what I think are the essentials - the birth of Jesus, my family, and mince pies.That being said, tomorrow is my (luckily non-compulsory) work Christmas do and also my running group christmas drinkies. Saturday, if the forecast gales don't eventuate, is the biggest swim of the year - and please do recall that my motto this summer appears to be "Training: it's so 2007" - and I've accidentally entered a triathlon on Sunday(as you do), prior to our end of year get-together with J's oldest friends. Luckily they pretty much expect me to nod off by their pool by now. In parenting news, encouraging Noddie to be a sharing girl has backfired badly- her temperature and mild gastro are making the rounds of the house! Before you break into groans of oh no, not again, let me assure you I've ALREADY DONE THAT, interspersed with short intervals of banging my head on the wall. Not to worry, eh? As the Spousal Unit keeps saying, I'll be right. He's right. Show up. Race. Stop. Smile. Easy.
So as the post title says, Do As I Say, Not as I Do. Pace yourself. Stay well. And I'll cross the finish lines, upright and smiling.

More anon, embracers of denial as a coping strategy!

sometimes showing up is all you can do

Race report: Sussan 10km
Time: 1.11.33
Rating: Pleased
9.30pm Saturday. A fun party, but not so good that I couldn't drive home. Why I was awake at 5am (an hour before I needed to be) I have no idea. 9.30 am Sunday. Three out of four goals* done. I'm not writing a race report because it would be a whole lot of I hate this why do I do this I suck so badly there's Secret Sara, she's been going about how slow she is and there she is ambling along in front of the 60 minute pacer she's so fast I'm so pleased for her I'm so bad at this oh thank goodness there's a water stop how stupid to forget my gel I am so crap at this stop whining I'm not listening la la la thank goodness I have someone nice to talk to (hi Penny from Horsham!) this is no fun why do I bother? because Mum would love to be here, that's why, and because Dad would love Mum to be here but she has to look after him just now thank you God he's ok don't get teary when you're running up a hill that won't help ok the Spousal Unit said try not to stop until 9km then see how many people you can pass by the end come on it's only gunna be about 7 more minutes crap I am sick to f#$%ing death of your lame arse complaining shut the f$#% up for f#$% sake my legs hurt I bet I can keep going this hurts but I can hang on hang on keep going I bet I can pass another one you are so my rabbit lady that's 19 people woo hoo there's the finish and the clock f#$% I was hoping to be faster than that oh well chin up and smile for the camera thank goodness I can stop now where's the water? and you don't need that.
Huge kudos to my friend Berny who went close to a PB when she knew at 3km her knees were not on her side, and to Secret Sara's awesome first post-injury outing. Truthfully, if it hadn't been for all the Coolrunners at the start and during the run it would have been a rotten morning. As it was, it was character-building. I didn't disappoint myself and that's all I could reasonably aim for with the amount of training and sleep I've managed lately
I went to church on the way home because J was taking Noddie (I usually go) and our minister's wife thought I was ever so brave and strong and fast. She's such a nice woman.

All four goals achieved *grins*

More anon, reality-embracers!
*1. Show up 2. Run 3. Stop 4. wear the shirt

am I missing something?

When I went for a run on Tuesday I had my first asthma attack in five years. I had to walk home (sulking). Last night while running I had my first severe histamine reaction in three years. I got home ok and didn't need to use the epi-pen or ring the ambulance, just dose myself up and wait out wanting to claw my excruciatingly itchy skin from my body. This morning I no longer look as though I've been in the ring with Kostya Tzu, but if anyone is short of a dwarf I could stand in for either Dopey or Puffy. Let me know. I like to be helpful.
Could the the universe be trying to tell me that Sloth is The Answer?

On Sunday I am running my first stand-alone 10km in, errr, I can't remember. You may recall that the race is (early) the morning after the Spousal Unit's Awesome Work Christmas Party. Here is my plan : 1. Show up 2. Run 3. Stop 4. Wear t-shirt. Too easy.

More anon, eventuality-coverers!

Can't complain

I've spent my only day off this week, and a lovely sunny day too, perfect for a ride, I might add - the only antidote for my ever-burgeoning posterior and plummeting fitness - doing our last two years' tax. We have some fiddly investments and a big messy study where vital papers are prone to disappearing without trace. I think there's a wormhole somewhere in there leading to a parallel dimension. Its inhabitants must be startled by the frequent, inexplicable manifestations of bank statements and sunglasses. Sigh. I hope I learn from this.
Still, I'll be wrapping Christmas presents tonight after dinner. That's fun. The Christmas cards are made and the letter written, so I'll be sending them out tomorrow too. I love sending cards. Email me your address so I can send you one too. Not if you're a creepy stalker of course. You can just go away.
Is it mince pie time yet?

More anon, cheerful vaguesters!

Tinselitis

Warning: December at Chez LBTEPA means severe baubling. Are you a mince pie, by any chance? Or a good taste, don't you think that's enough lights now minimalist? Be afraid. Be very afraid. Bwahahaha!*
More anon, carolers!
*Much as I am of the 10km I am doing this Sunday, the morning after J's legendary work Christmas party. Training is so 2007.