too big for my boots

or to be precise, my boots are too big for me! The new shoes I bought are the same numerical size and the same length as my old ones, but a different brand and a completely differnt shape *sad face* No wonder my feet felt bruised and the whole epically slow schemozzle was so epiqally slow! I was all sad because we're a bit short of the spondooleh at the moment, and running shoes are not cheap. That'll teach me to refuse to buy my normal brand from a frowny lady with prison-wardress social skills and negligible grasp of personal space. But she insisted on putting on my try-on sock for me! I wasn't giving her any money!*
This morning I noticed a  lairy yellow sticker on the shoe box. It offered a 30 day guarantee of satisfaction - I've heard of such things (I read a lot of American blogs) but never seen one. Pretty exciting! Tomorrow I'll pop over and ask if it's really true - can I muck up my shoe sizing and get away with it? Will I be able to return to my tried-and-true brand, chastened but not skint? We shall see....
In other news, did you watch the Ironman yesterday? I am so happy I spent hours wrestling with the stupid internet so we could stream the live feed onto the tv. OMG WHAT FINISHES!!!!!
More anon, strivers!

*LBTEPA would like to assure her five faithful readers that no exclamation marks were harmed in the writing of this post.

toolbox

All endurance sport athletes have a toolbox of strategies they use when things are sub-optimal, to quote the great Chrissie Wellington.
As a public service, I'm going to share the ones I used on yesterday's training walk. As context, the Spousal Unit had been good enough during the week  to share his GI issues, and I'd had two appalling nights' sleep prior to setting out. Here's what I used to get the job done
- gels and water I learn, I learn

- re-tying my shoes
- re-lacing my shoes
- rubbing the inflamed bit on the top of my foot
- realising that the stupid inflamed bit on the top of my foot comes and goes as it pleases so you might as well keep going
- swearing to myself that I would borrow a mobile from the next person I met and get a lift home
- swearing to myself
- swearing out loud
- several jolly good talkings-to
- Rocky's 'it ain't how hard you can hit' speech on my ip0d, that flows into the Rocky theme dah dah dada dah dah dah dada dah.....

- sorting the music on your ip0d alphabetically, and being pleased you're up to R
- working out a loop course, 'cause that out and back and those repeated loops were Not Happening
- thinking about stopping
- realising you've stopped and yelling at yourself (secluded areas of the trail only)
- noticing your achilles only hurts when you're slumping forward, and STANDING THE #### UP STRAIGHT
- imagining this is the last  8-7-6-5 etc km of the marathon
- imagining this is the last  8-7-6-5 etc km of the ironman
- Relentless Forward Motion. Just Keep Moving
- thinking about beer
Hope this helps! 
More anon, legends!

Hoppity

The way to re-learn hopping is to hop. Goodness knows what the people on the ground floor are thinking

more anon, megapods!

Squeeze

Hi Blog!
Here's what the boffins at the LBTEPA Institute for Extreme Braininess learned today.
- Some people's bum muscles work without them making them work. LBTEPA is not yet one of these people. But it is fun to stride along muttering squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze to oneself. And I can feel the difference in power and (ahem) 'speed'.
- Hydration and fuel make all the difference when one is exercising in warm weather for over two hours, even quite slowly. Or they would have made all the difference if I'd taken any with me. It was a good opportunity to channel my hero Chris McCormack and

I am so getting one of these shirts

- tap (ahem) 'dancing' is fun even when your legs are grizzling. I just channelled another hero, Jens Voigt

-  when did I lose the ability to hop? Another project!
More anon, shufflers!

A, B and C

A) I'd just like to thank the developers and manufacturers of amoxycillan for their fine work. Sleep! Energy! Not wanting to tear off your own head and get it over with! Yay!
B)

Squee!!!! According to The ESM* Schedule, I'll be walking well over 21km by then so this should be a Nice Day Out with a few thousand of my closest friends . The website specifies no cutoff time, but says they'll put you on the footpath if you look like taking more than four hours. a) I plan to finish around then, and b) I've been on the footpath before, so  c) I don't care, so long as they give me a medal at the end. I neeeeeed some bling.
You know what I love about this whole racing bizzo? It's familiar. I know what to do. I know how to do it. I know how to be tired, or discouraged (bloody hell who knew how hard it is to stand on one leg and keep your hips and shoulders level? I'm up to 15 seconds now...can world domination be far off?)  or sick, and yet be aware that this is part of the process. If I keep going I'll get there, and there is somewhere big and cool and amazing. It's such a lovely feeling. If I bang on and on about it, it's becuase I've missed it so much that I get teary thinking about it, and I'm just so bloody grateful to be back doing this thing I love. Slowly and heavily, but out there Dreaming Big again.
C) Noddie is teaching me to tap dance! It's a) very hard on the tragically weak LBTEPA calves, ankles and core b) very good for the tragically poor LBTEPA balance and co-ordination, and c) really good fun!
More anon, step-touchers!
*Extremely Slow Marathon

Thanks, Tea

"Repeated behavior becomes a habit, so natural that we don't even have to think about. It just happens. It's not magic. It's a change of behavior. "

 Wise words from the mighty Tea

Spot on, darl. Now to repeat some behaviour.....

Laid low by lurgi

It's been quite a while since the Bastard Sinuses have struck with such ferocity and I am focusing on appreciating that fact as I drag myself around, sweating gently (initially typed swearing gently, also true) but not in a good way. The new treatment protocol appears to have increased both the time between infections, and the time it takes for an infection to really grab hold. I've even been able to head off a couple before they turn full-blown, which hasn't been possible before. So that's very good!  I'm working, walking, sleeping and drinking water. If the Spousal Unit puts food in front of me I eat it. It's all good. Painful, a bit disappointing, but ok. So how was the physio visit, you ask? I got the impression he's much more interested in getting skinnyfasts around the Ironman than me around a walking marathon - but that thought may have been the infected sinuses talking. I've got power now in my glutes, but they don't fire very well unless provoked, and my balance is still a bit wonky. So it''s the fitball for me, and quite a lot of standing on one leg in front of a mirror. Onward!
More anon, bouncers!

Adding it up

Hi There Blog! Fancy seeing me again! But you see, it's On The Chart that I should blog twice weekly. There's a bit to talk about - and that's what you're here for, Blog. So that my dear Spousal Unit isn't too bored with my everlasting yapping, and becuase writing things down helps me remember them. So. What have I learned from examining the data I have gathered On The Chart so far? Later in the week is a black hole as far as workouts are concerned. Why? Because I'm working a lot, I get very tired and sometimes I deal with that with an extra wine or two. Then it's harder to get up early, and when I do I'm doing the zombie shuffle not hurling myself out the door.
Response: after work each day I'm going to do a 10 minute mindfulness meditation to re-set myself emotionally. I predict that this will change both my eating and drinking, and my sleep. I'll let you know.
I went to a tri club talk on injury prevention on Tuesday. It was very interesting and helpful, although daunting to be around all the happy confident skinnyfasts. I was glad I went. I proved to myself it didn't matter what my feelings were, just that I did what I said I was going to. I am back to the physio this week for a review, though, and some recommendations about core strengthening.
ESM* training update: 10.5km yesterday. I got the Spousal Unit to drop me off at the spot where the railtrail crosses the highway. Back In The Day, that was the point in my long runs where I knew it was in the bag - 10k, I can do that! - so I was very happy to be back there sweating gently in the open air and looking at the cows and listening to the yellow-tailed black cockatoos squawking in the trees. I got a bit sore at times on the walk (see 'epic fail exercise/stretch this week') but never more than about 6/10. I was able to reconnect with the certainty that I could hold that effort for a very long time if I had to. It's a good feeling. I've missed it.

These birds are about a metre long!

More anon, striders!

PS GUESS WHAT NODDIE IS TEACHING ME TO TAP DANCE!!! 
*Extremely Slow Marathon

Activated!

I was out for my long walk on Saturday morning, 9.5km it was, can I get a woot?, when an amazing thing happened: my right glute muscle activated! It sounds odd, I know, but that's been the missing piece in my rehab. My achilles and calves were overloaded becuase that lazy bugger wouldn't fire. My physio and I have been quite distracted over it. It just wouldn't go. I changed some of my core workout recently to include reclining ball squats (oh, the life of the dodgy-kneed), and I tried out some of the drills from my new running book, so it may have been one of them that flicked the 'on' switch. Or it may have been something else, or it may have just happened at random. But I am so bloody happy I can hardly stand it. I'm really excited. I came home from my walk with a sore bum and tight hammies, but no achilles pain whatsoever. It didn't strain while I was walking. It hasn't been sore afterward. My backside? Different story, and that's how it should be. That's what foam rollers are for.

My five faithful readers, astute souls that they are, will have noticed an addition to my sidebar. I'm doing Very Slow Marathon #6 (walk version) in Portland (Victoria, Australia, not Oregon) in November. I'm excited! More anon, stargazers!

I could get to like this

How are you, my five faithful readers? What have you been up to?
There's been no big news (or none that can be revealed at present) here at LBTEPA Headquarters, but things are rolling merrily along. Yesterday I had a client cancel. Instead of hammering out some case notes ('cause mine are never behind, nonononooo), or dashing home to get the washing off the line (it was stupidly drizzly anyway) or do the dishes, OR having a power nap (I'd slept very poorly and was oh so weary), I zoomed home and did my exercises. I watched an ironman video and heaved the weights hither and yon and stretched the theraband and rolled on the roller. Then I  went back to work and all was well. I was still very tired and there were still case notes waiting, but I was just that little bit stronger and more determined, and I'd ticked my chart. On Saturday I'll be walking 9km. I'm excited.
More anon, sundancers!

Mulligan?

No? Can't have this week to re-do? Well this coming week, today, will be about veering back toward my goals. My mood and all the stuff that happens (in everyone's life!) are not the boss of me.
THIS IS NOT MY SONG ANY MORE
I'm walking 8km today. I can stand on one leg and do a one-legged squat without much wobbling. I can do a plank for 40 seconds and 40 chair crunches and ride my bike for 45 minutes and walk Noddie and the Idiot Hounds to School without thinking about it. I Have A Chart!
I'll take the phone on my walk so you can see how pretty it is near the river.
More anon, swingers!

out of focus, in focus

I think this'll be my 3rd day without cardio so my Chart O'Goodness will have nasty white spaces this week :(  These things happen - 2-day birthdays, husbands in Melbourne, dogs getting out and running all over the town and getting hit by cars !!!! all well though... but the h20, food tracking and exercises (weights, physio, core, roller) have fewer gaps (not actually saying how many....)
A bit more on this sugar thing while my traumatised mind is wandering - the Febfast people keep putting up recipes for sugar-free cupcakes, icy poles etc, whereas my idea is to wean myself off wanting sweet-flavoured things at all. I think my idea is better, but then I would, wouldn't I? PS feel free to click on the link tp sponsor me and help raise funds for youth addiction support services
But, far more interestingly - I was browsing in our local, very poorly-stocked bookshop and what should I find but  Shauna's book! I *heart* Shauna. She is an Aussie adventurer who upped stumps and moved to Scotland, where she has found true lerve and a literary career! And she's hilarious, and very kind too. She should move back. We miss her. Now I'm frowning. See what you've done Shauna?

Once I'd got over being stunned that their perception of health/fitness/sport went beyond a certain fat-shaming Biggest Loser coach, I coughed up the lolly and departed with my prize. Since then I have shown the book to EVERYONE, and, although I am not planning on running in the the near future, am diligently doing The Stork to improve my balance and the strength of my feet.

BTW, if you g00gle 'stork stretch up and running', this pops up.

Yes, I am putting off cleaning the kitchen. Cheerio ducklings!

and I quote

crikey I'd better get scribbling like a lunatic if I'm to be able to tick off two 'blog' boxes on The Chart. It's day six of the 'no sugar' Febfast thingy I'm doing. Unfortunately I've just realised I'm doing it wrong! My approach is to refrain from cake, jellybeans, chocolate, soft drink, honey, stewed fruit, flavoured yoghurt, biscuits, etc etc etc. From my reading of the challenge website and also an article in today's paper, that is uber-wimpy and not nearly hardcore enough. These people are giving up everything that has any sugar at all in it! Bread! Sweet chili sauce! Milk! Sorry if people want their donations back....but feel free to donate if you would like to. It's for a good cause.
Now this is absolutely not a 'weight loss blog', but my five faithful readers will be aware that I have been saddened and frightened by the amount of lard I am currently carrying. I decided not to even try running until I shed 8.5kg, so as to try and preserve what's left of my knees. So it was with great satisfaction that I noted a 1.5kg loss when I weighed myself this morning. Once a week only, chickies, I promise - keeping an eye on things but not messing with my own head too much. With the help of my food log - oh, the number of times I must have grazed mindlessly, I find myself turning to the pantry all the time - The Chart - I'll split my exercises into 3 10-minute blocks if that's all the time I have, so ardent is my desire to Tick Another Box - and the Great Sugar Shake-up, I'm feeling better than I have for ages, and also the most hopeful. Hope is good.

clever, yet profound...

More anon, scribblers!

I must remember this

Observant readers will note that this list appears to have been screwed up in a rage (and possibly thrown into a bin) before being smoothed out and put back on the fridge (possibly in a rather embarrassed fashion). To sum up (there is too much to explain) I cracked it with myself for not doing my exercises and briefly indulged in a F***-this-I-hate-myself-I-give-up moment. Then I had An Amazing Thought which I believe it is my duty to share with my five faithful readers:
THE WAY TO STOP BEING LAME IS TO STOP BEING LAME. Get On With It and You'll Feel Better.
Fan.Tastic. Life changing. Captain Bloody Obvious, true, but at the time (and still) it felt like a thunderbolt or a lightbulb or something.
I've been practising another small life-changer recently. See this?

Yes, it's Reece Witherspoon, and yes, I love her shoes, but one thing I have noticed in pretty much every photo of her in 'off duty mode' is that her chin is up. She walks with her head raised and is usually smiling. After I noticed this, I started noticing how often I drop my head when I'm not feeling super-sprightly. Down goes the chin, down go the shoulders, off-balance goes the gait and stomp stomp stomp I'm waddling like a hippo instead of sharing my radiance with the populace at large. Since I realised this, I've been taking care to Fake iT Til I make It  and walk like I bloody own the place. It feels good!
More anon, striders!

B2B

Back to basics it is! I have a chart!

The chart idea arose from my insistence that Noddie practice her dance and instruments over the summer holidays, and us using the charts so she could manage her time herself, 'cause I'm lazy. I then realised that I had better walk my talk, dammit, so I made myself one too. The 'can't let her get ahead of me' motivation has been quite compelling.
It was all thrown out the window while we were on holidays on The Ghan.It was like being in a movie - unbelievably privileged and flash.  If you get a chance to go do! It's such an experience, and the scenery as you traverse the nation from top to bottom (hard to even conceive!) is ever-changing and amazing. Not to mention the food!

This was the first course of breakfast! So naturally I came home with a little bit more extra lard, and then we had a couple of bits of bad news which I dealt with by eating and drinking, and then ....I started logging my eating. I have been absolutely staggered by the amount of little stuff I shove in my gob when I'm not thinking! LOts and lots of little stuff = not-so-little LBTEPA. Standing back and identifying what I'm actually feeling when I am about to stuff said gob has been enlightening too - it's pretty much always 'I can't manage this, it's too much, no-one will help me'. Sadness and fear, those old faves. I have to keep reminding myself that these worrying times will pass, that the Spousal Unit is better now, that now is not then when it was all going down and I really did have to keep the family afloat all by myself. All is well, I can tell myself. All is well. Step away from the pantry.
I must tell you , my five faithful readers, about the book I've been reading - a towering work of staggering genius which has changed my life! Not, I hasten to assure you, the latest Haruki Murakami, which irritated me no end, but The Terrible and Wonderful Reasons Why I Run Long Distances, by the genius cartoonist of The Oatmeal. His slim volume is absolutely chockers with wisdom, and wit, yet it was one small paragraph quite near the end which resonated like a temple bell next to a hangover. 30 minutes, the writer states forcefully, is just a little bit more than 2% of your day. If you're not willing to hang in there for 2% of your day to feel better, then you don't deserve to feel better! Ooh, I said to myself, he has a point there. And nearly every time I think that, out the door I go. So it's starting to come together, a little bit. Now I have to go and change my bike tyre. I'll let you know how it goes!
More anon, carolers!

much better

well, that was awkward
good thing I got rid of that horrible cesspit of whining
- yes, what's still here is the 'un-whiny' bit - ack!
So how are you all? Kicking goals from what I can see of the book of face. Brilliant!
and so inspiring
I too have been kicking goals
not Peter Daicos left footed wrong-sided how-did-he-do-that? sneakers, but goals nonetheless. Little easy set shots. Walking 3 times a week. Want 4, working on it.
Weights, core, physio 3 times a week. Ditto.
I've even been out on my bike, coo er gosh
yes that's how far down I'd got, don't judge, even two bike rides are a cause for celebration here
often a bit sore and achy
so many niggles, so many internal freakouts!
but that's how it it
A turning point was when I consciously engaged with the thought that avoiding feeling weak/slow/fat was interfering with my expressing my values of health and fitness
HELLO CAPTAIN OBVIOUS!!!
had to find my own way there, though. I'm an experiential learner, me
I make a decision every day to accept these feelings so I can do what I need to do to get stronger.
I'm feeling stronger! I feel leaner although the bastard scales (and pants) don't agree
oh well
Next time I will tell you about my Secret Weapon. It's Fab!

setback

We are all sick as very sick dogs. I  have finally got to the dr and got some drugs so I can start to get better -don't get me STARTED on how much I hate that dr, I decided I hated him so much I hoped he got a nasty ant bite on his leg (I know) so the last week has been a bit drag self to work come home go to bed. Plus late night at the hospital with poor Noddie with a 4o degree temp, poor little thing.
But still - I've done my weights 4X, and I'm going for a walk today. I'm planning on doing the 5k walk at Metung next week and thinking about doing the tri the week after that. I was very struck by a story on effbee about a quite lardy woman doing her 1st tri aged 50+ - and how nicve everyone was and what a lovley time she had. I was talking to the Spousal Unit about how much the shredding I got when I tried to get the Athena division up in the Gatorade still affects me - I am literally scared and also deeply ashamed about exercising in 'public' at my current size. I must work through this. I do hate it when people like J and K say 'it doesn't matter, no-one judges you' because they do. They DO. They feel sorry for you or pity you or are outright rude and that makes it harder no matter what someone who's never been attacked thinks. But it won't stop me.
Cheers!

small steps

hi there blog
long time no speak but not long time no act5ion
since last we spoke I have started near-daily weights and physio (5-6 times a week so far!) and a walking program - up to 4*20 minutes this week. I struggle with thoughts of how lame this is, but I'm using visualisation to counteract this - I walk the way I used to - and will again - run and conncet with that postive feeling while I walk. My mantra is strong, tall, happy! I've made some stupid drinking decisions but they have now ceased. Jeff is helping me much more which is great. He's finished work which is wonderful in one sense - he's happy and relaxed and I'm not having to run the entore show all alone - but also a bit stressful to be The Breadwinner. I'm staying mindful and as I say now these stupid behaviours have been changed I should start to lose some lard soon. I feel stronger already and that's where I have to start. Pity about this bloody chest infection but the thing about light weights is I can do them even when I just want to go to bed.
I have a wonderful new plan, blog! In POrtland (where my dear friend Belinda lives, as it happens) there is a marathon each November. This marathon has an early start for walkers and an 8 hour cutoff..... It's now my Plan to do this marathon next year. Bring. It. On.
see you soon :)

lift

daily - physio exercises, roller, food tracking, light weights
20 min cardio x5
I want to be this person
I will be this person

Merrily we roll along

up to 30 min on the trainer yay
down to 95.2 this morning - MUST KEEP CONCENTRATING
so proud of myself yesterday at the house of indecisiveness (Bill's) - told them what we were having incl a tub of mixed veggies, & didn't eat any fried stuff
I CAN DO THIS
I have to do this
it's ridiculous to think I can't
I was even thinking of joining WW online - then I thought, I know what to do, really.
less fried food => being more bossy about what we eat (= sucking up that J is being infuriatingly lame lately. :(
less booze => soda water cordial first = less thirsty afterward
also mustn't drink disappointment
why is Mum being so horrid about me having nice clothes?
Happy that Emma is about to race again but also gutted :(  her 'two years injured' included two marathons!
doing hip exercises like a dervish. No stopping me!