More anon, tickers!
Thursday, April 06, 2017
Go me
More anon, tickers!
Monday, March 27, 2017
Just keep swimming
...or rather, not. I'm just not swimming at the moment, even though it's on The List. Must Do Something about that. I do have a Plan, of course, and I'm getting on with it. Thursday nights are no longer 'excuses excuses' night - I spend the whole day giving myself a stern talking-to about what's going to happen (a workout) and what's not going to happen (excuses/the couch/a glass of wine with my Mum straight after work). Once I get into the firm habit of Thursday night workouts it'll be easier to make it a Thursday night swim. Isn't it stupid how dislikes form? I love to swim, but part of me Just. Doesn't. Want. To. Don't worry darls, I will conquer that!
In other THRILLING news hahahaha I'm now walk:running 3min:2min on the treadmill for 35 minutes twice a week. Woot! My plantar fascia is grumbling, but I'm taping it and stretching, so so far so good. When I think that I used to be able to run 10 walk 2 for 5+ hours I get all sad, so I don't think about it. My goals for this year are to give 3 hours a nudge in the 2 half marathons I want to do. I have weight loss goals too, but I haven't thought out a plan to which I'm really prepared to commit, so I'm not writing them down right at present. No point writing down a lot of BS, eh?
More anon, dream chasers!
In other THRILLING news hahahaha I'm now walk:running 3min:2min on the treadmill for 35 minutes twice a week. Woot! My plantar fascia is grumbling, but I'm taping it and stretching, so so far so good. When I think that I used to be able to run 10 walk 2 for 5+ hours I get all sad, so I don't think about it. My goals for this year are to give 3 hours a nudge in the 2 half marathons I want to do. I have weight loss goals too, but I haven't thought out a plan to which I'm really prepared to commit, so I'm not writing them down right at present. No point writing down a lot of BS, eh?
Thursday, March 16, 2017
Take that
That's enough, I said to my disorganised self. This has gone on long enough (not very long, a far shorter time than usual actually). In my own defence, the sinuses of doom had yet to respond to the best practice treatment regime sent to me by the mighty Cilla (currently on hols in Israel and Jordan, the lucky duck), as a result of which I am now sleeping well and feeling BRILLIANT, and for which I shall be eternally grateful
but I digress
Self, I said, self, drain that mug of HTFU and Make. It. Happen.
Do. The. Stuff.
Oh! Ok! So I did! I just did it!
Workouts: check. Reasonably helpful-to-goals eating: check. Life maintenance tasks: check. Not all of it, but lots of it. That'll do, indeed it will.
In other thrilling news: I started doing single leg presses at the gym and it's now clear why my left foot is playing up. My left glutes are weaklings! But not for long......
More anon, reinforcers!
but I digress
Self, I said, self, drain that mug of HTFU and Make. It. Happen.
Do. The. Stuff.
Oh! Ok! So I did! I just did it!
Workouts: check. Reasonably helpful-to-goals eating: check. Life maintenance tasks: check. Not all of it, but lots of it. That'll do, indeed it will.
More anon, reinforcers!
Monday, March 06, 2017
Blip
If you looked at my Chart of Awesome this week there wouldn't be many gold stars. But there are hardly any zeroes, either! I went to the Big Smoke for some absolutely brilliant training and made the rookie mistake of assuming my schmicko hotel would have a gym. Hmmm. No. I had to miss Wednesday's session becuase the Melbourne train left when I would normally be working up a sweat in the fancypants gym in Sale.
Being as the word of the year is 'ASSERTIVE' and the mantra is CHANGE HAPPENS NOW', I did what I could. I stood in the breakfast queue at the coffee cart at the training venue and inched past the fabulously-desirable-stop-your-salivating-missy almond croissants to the register, WHERE I ORDERED YOGHURT AND MUESLI. Such a legend I am. I walked up and down the long thin training venue at breaks and I walked around the city after dinner. Such a trial, what with all the Japanese restaurants, and shops with cardigans in them, but plucky is the LBTEPA way.
Speaking of which, have you read the Rivers of London series? We're inhaling it over here - so clever, thrilling, witty and well written. But I digress.
I ate carefully but with huge enjoyment - I was in the Big Smoke for heaven's sake, far far away from the epicurean wasteland whence I reside - and felt very happy with myself. Saturday was meant to be the parkrun but I got off the train at 11pm so I slept in and then painted the living room, which was a monster most-of-the-day workout especially given that as usual I chose to paint the most humid day of summer.
Sunday was the day I Adulted like billy-oh. Holiday eisteddfodhell season is fast approaching, so Noddie had extra rehearsals in Sale; I planned to usefully occupy the time by doing the shopping and going to the fancypants gym. UNTIL.... I forgot my ****ing shoes, didn't I? Being rather hungry, quite tired, and very disappointed, I immediately indulged in an extended rendition of the oh woe oh woe it's not fair I never get to do what I want I'm so stupid chorus.
But then I stopped. I had something to eat. I thought about what I could do. I tried to buy some new shoes but was thwarted by the selfish wish of all local purveyors of athletic footwear to spend Sundays at home with their loved ones. I did the shopping. Then I remembered that I had my togs in my gym bag, and a cap and some goggles, and my (little, smelly: whatevs) gym towel. And the angels sang! There would be a workout this day!
Further: it is with tears in my eyes that I recall that everyone in the lap lanes was keeping left.
More anon, faith-restorers!
Being as the word of the year is 'ASSERTIVE' and the mantra is CHANGE HAPPENS NOW', I did what I could. I stood in the breakfast queue at the coffee cart at the training venue and inched past the fabulously-desirable-stop-your-salivating-missy almond croissants to the register, WHERE I ORDERED YOGHURT AND MUESLI. Such a legend I am. I walked up and down the long thin training venue at breaks and I walked around the city after dinner. Such a trial, what with all the Japanese restaurants, and shops with cardigans in them, but plucky is the LBTEPA way.
Speaking of which, have you read the Rivers of London series? We're inhaling it over here - so clever, thrilling, witty and well written. But I digress.
I ate carefully but with huge enjoyment - I was in the Big Smoke for heaven's sake, far far away from the epicurean wasteland whence I reside - and felt very happy with myself. Saturday was meant to be the parkrun but I got off the train at 11pm so I slept in and then painted the living room, which was a monster most-of-the-day workout especially given that as usual I chose to paint the most humid day of summer.
Sunday was the day I Adulted like billy-oh. Holiday eisteddfod
But then I stopped. I had something to eat. I thought about what I could do. I tried to buy some new shoes but was thwarted by the selfish wish of all local purveyors of athletic footwear to spend Sundays at home with their loved ones. I did the shopping. Then I remembered that I had my togs in my gym bag, and a cap and some goggles, and my (little, smelly: whatevs) gym towel. And the angels sang! There would be a workout this day!
More anon, faith-restorers!
Monday, February 27, 2017
Miracle cure
May I just begin by extolling the miraculous properties of turmeric? I read a mention somewhere that it had anti inflammatory properties, and somewhere else that it has been helpful for some people with chronic sinusitis (but is ok for the medications I take), and then I miraculously remembered these things while I was actually at the chemist....and now my nose is still dripping and blah blah etc etc BUT it's not hurting me like my face is filled with acid, I have close to normal energy, and I can sleep!!!! I don't care if I start looking like a curry puff (so far so good): that stuff is gold in my book hahahaha see what I did there? and I'll be scoffing it on a regular basis from now on. Thank you, turmeric!
I'm so happy with Project "Change happens today". I'm being clear and assertive about what I want to eat, and the Spousal Unit appears ok with that. The big change is, I'm no longer bothered whether he is or not! We've planned and shopped and generally achieved a hitherto unheard-of level of adulting, to the point where we went 5 weeks without unplanned takeaway! Woot!
The other 'miracle cure' I've 'discovered' hahaha is the gym near my house. Even in the dark days before the arrival of the Blessed Turmeric, I was dragging my weary snotty self through my program at least three times a week, and slugging through half an hour on the stationary bike a couple of other times. Everyone knows that little and often is the way to make changes, but this is the longest I've actually stuck at it for quite a while. The feedback is so gratifying - yes, several people have commented on my appearance, which is nice, but more importantly, I'm feeling powerful again! Physically, a bit more so, but it's early days yet of course - more importantly, powerful in that I'm not drowning in the hurly burly of life. My life is still about my family and my work, but it's also about me again too.
Now I'd better go and do my piano practice - my teacher is a slave-driver, but I can feel my brain humming with it so it's all good!
More anon, ivory-ticklers!
I'm so happy with Project "Change happens today". I'm being clear and assertive about what I want to eat, and the Spousal Unit appears ok with that. The big change is, I'm no longer bothered whether he is or not! We've planned and shopped and generally achieved a hitherto unheard-of level of adulting, to the point where we went 5 weeks without unplanned takeaway! Woot!
The other 'miracle cure' I've 'discovered' hahaha is the gym near my house. Even in the dark days before the arrival of the Blessed Turmeric, I was dragging my weary snotty self through my program at least three times a week, and slugging through half an hour on the stationary bike a couple of other times. Everyone knows that little and often is the way to make changes, but this is the longest I've actually stuck at it for quite a while. The feedback is so gratifying - yes, several people have commented on my appearance, which is nice, but more importantly, I'm feeling powerful again! Physically, a bit more so, but it's early days yet of course - more importantly, powerful in that I'm not drowning in the hurly burly of life. My life is still about my family and my work, but it's also about me again too.
Now I'd better go and do my piano practice - my teacher is a slave-driver, but I can feel my brain humming with it so it's all good!
More anon, ivory-ticklers!
Saturday, February 18, 2017
A little less conversation, a little more action
Here's a photo of my chart!
The other thing I've done is 'engineer in' a gym day. Noddie has three and a half hours of dance classes on a Wednesday in a town 45 minutes from our place. Being amazingly clever, I have scheduled my piano lesson for then, and bought myself a pass to the FancyPants gym there too. Don't get me wrong, I like our gym here - it's adequate, cheap, and five minutes from my house - but the FP one has all shmicko machines, a view of a picturesque lake, and charming, ripped people who kindly help newbies work out how to use the shmicko machines.
Operation Assertiveness is going great guns. I now tell the Spousal Unit what we are going to eat, and he makes it happen. This works So Much Better than making vague suggestions when your beloved thinks 'fried with cheese' is a food group. Our Friday night fish and chip habit has been abandoned, becuase a) they don't fit in with my health goals and b) this is Bairnsdale so they usually weren't very good anyway. J and I have 'date night' dinner while Noddie is at her Tuesday dance classes and we now go for a walk around the picturesque lake (the one near the gym) after we eat. I get eye rolls and bit of whingeing, but he comes along. It's all good!
Maybe I should put 'blog' on my chart? That would help with my focus.....
More anon, funksters!
Friday, January 20, 2017
Back again
I'm excited. This is already a good year - we went to Italy! I saw in the New Year at St Mark's square in Venice! We're so lucky! - and I actually have a Real Proper Plan about how to Fix My Life. While we were away I did a bit of reading, and it was all a reminder that I do know how to Do Things Properly. You know those articles about 27 Things Productive People Do? I read one that actually struck a chord - effective people (I'm not so bothered about 'productive') HAVE ROUTINES. I used to have routines. Now I don't, and I don't get stuff done. Hmmmm.....
But I digress. I read Swimbikemom's blog. It's very open and also very encouraging. Towards the end of the year Swimbikemom set her readers (should they choose to accept it) the task of reflecting on the years behind and ahead by answering the following questions
3 things I did right in 2016?
1. I went to the Grand Final. I was scared out of my mind, a gibbering idiot most of the leadup and hardly watched any of it (I achieved the standing foetal position for several hours, not an easy task, even with many beers) but I made myself book the hotel two weeks out and get on the train and go into the ground and stay there all day, and it was all good! I was willing to risk heartbreak (for it would have been, I'm telling you) for delight, and I'm so glad I did, for it has changed my life in such a good way!. It's nice to have a wonderfully life-changing event at 49!
2. As summed up in this post, I walked the Melbourne Half Marathon and then did the mini tri. "I broke out of the prison of my own fearful thoughts and I'm never going back there". NEVER. More on this later
3. I GOT REAL. That was my mantra last year. I didn't change much of the way I went about things last year, but I stopped bullshitting myself about it. What a relief. I stopped weighing myself too.
3 things I will change in 2017
1. Regular exercise. I have A Plan, and A Chart! About which more later. In a nutshell, for starters, if I do All The Stuff, I can buy a book; if I don't, I can't. I love books so this will do as an incentive until getting off my arse gets automatic again
2. Food. I tried delegating to the Spousal Unit, and the end result was that I wasn't eating how I wanted to. Getting Real means sucking up that if I want to eat better I have to put more energy into planning, shopping and cooking. I will be assertive with my junk food, fried-with-cheese, food-is-love sweetheart. We will eat less dodgy takeaway and more home-cooked veg.
3. Other people. I don't have many IRL friends nearby. I work quite long hours, by myself; I'm quite isolated. I need to work on this. I've put my name down for a book group and I'm going to start a group exercise thing (more on this shortly)
My 'action word'
TODAY. There's been too much putting-off. This word will remind me that I need to do stuff all the time, and stop focusing on barriers or difficulties. This leads me to
My Mantra
Change happens in the here and now. A bit 'Oprah meets Captain Obvious' but I think it'll get the job done. Nothing valuable happens 'later'. Do it now. Go to the pool right now, even for just 1k. Ride your bike for 20 minutes. Clean out that one drawer. Drink that one glass of water. Take 5 minutes to buy those carrots on the way home.
That's enough for now. What do you do to reflect on your year and plan your next one?
More anon, stargazers!
But I digress. I read Swimbikemom's blog. It's very open and also very encouraging. Towards the end of the year Swimbikemom set her readers (should they choose to accept it) the task of reflecting on the years behind and ahead by answering the following questions
3 things I did right in 2016?
1. I went to the Grand Final. I was scared out of my mind, a gibbering idiot most of the leadup and hardly watched any of it (I achieved the standing foetal position for several hours, not an easy task, even with many beers) but I made myself book the hotel two weeks out and get on the train and go into the ground and stay there all day, and it was all good! I was willing to risk heartbreak (for it would have been, I'm telling you) for delight, and I'm so glad I did, for it has changed my life in such a good way!. It's nice to have a wonderfully life-changing event at 49!
2. As summed up in this post, I walked the Melbourne Half Marathon and then did the mini tri. "I broke out of the prison of my own fearful thoughts and I'm never going back there". NEVER. More on this later
3. I GOT REAL. That was my mantra last year. I didn't change much of the way I went about things last year, but I stopped bullshitting myself about it. What a relief. I stopped weighing myself too.
3 things I will change in 2017
1. Regular exercise. I have A Plan, and A Chart! About which more later. In a nutshell, for starters, if I do All The Stuff, I can buy a book; if I don't, I can't. I love books so this will do as an incentive until getting off my arse gets automatic again
2. Food. I tried delegating to the Spousal Unit, and the end result was that I wasn't eating how I wanted to. Getting Real means sucking up that if I want to eat better I have to put more energy into planning, shopping and cooking. I will be assertive with my junk food, fried-with-cheese, food-is-love sweetheart. We will eat less dodgy takeaway and more home-cooked veg.
3. Other people. I don't have many IRL friends nearby. I work quite long hours, by myself; I'm quite isolated. I need to work on this. I've put my name down for a book group and I'm going to start a group exercise thing (more on this shortly)
My 'action word'
TODAY. There's been too much putting-off. This word will remind me that I need to do stuff all the time, and stop focusing on barriers or difficulties. This leads me to
My Mantra
Change happens in the here and now. A bit 'Oprah meets Captain Obvious' but I think it'll get the job done. Nothing valuable happens 'later'. Do it now. Go to the pool right now, even for just 1k. Ride your bike for 20 minutes. Clean out that one drawer. Drink that one glass of water. Take 5 minutes to buy those carrots on the way home.
That's enough for now. What do you do to reflect on your year and plan your next one?
More anon, stargazers!
Sunday, December 25, 2016
I'll be back
I've just woken from a post-Christmas lunch
I doubt I'll be posting while we're away. I have some good plans for when we get back that I'm quite looking forward to putting into place.
Take care darls
Thursday, December 22, 2016
a tip for stress eaters
This week has been a bit of a strain. Lots of stupid stuff. I got home from the Spousal Unit's hospital in Melbourne (what a ridiculous saga it was to get him there, don't get me started) last night after five days, we hope the Spousal Unit will be home on Saturday, and we leave for Italy for 3 weeks on Monday. #firstworldproblems, no? Yet still quite trying.
If you are, as I am, a stress eater, might I recommend the purchase of a bag of unshelled pistachio nuts? Yummy and you can't shovel them in by the handful. LBTEPA For The Win!
Christmas blessings to you! Stay safe and hug your loved ones!
If you are, as I am, a stress eater, might I recommend the purchase of a bag of unshelled pistachio nuts? Yummy and you can't shovel them in by the handful. LBTEPA For The Win!
Saturday, December 10, 2016
stay the path
I read this the other day. The writer is the coach of my friend the Mighty Tea whose givng nature and indefatigable attitude to life is a gift to those lucky enough to know her, even if not yet in real life! Anyway, this post resonated with me.
You can't have your fitness the way it was
You can't have it easily
You can't have it right now.
But keep working and you will have it
I must get myself one of these....
How are your Christmas plans going? We're in cheery, tinsel-laden full swing here - just waiting for some bloody summer to decide to arrive! I'm wearing shorts anyway. Cede Nullis!More anon, tree-huggers!
Thursday, December 08, 2016
go me
Small wins, people, small wins. That's what it's about. It's when you realise that what with punching on with doctors and specialists and social workers and the department of human services and your brother and having painful conversations with your mum who is a bit shattered at having to put your (unpleasant uncooperative) dad into a home, which will mean selling hers (aka LIFE), you've been downing a few sherbies every night....and then you just stop. Four nights ago. Soda an lime, mmmmm.
It's when you realise that what with the above you've got on the get up-work-look after the family-look after mum-worry-sleep badly treadmill and you're sore and stiff and feeling soft and weak....and then one day you get up and muck around on the exercise ball and do your theraband drills and roll on the roller and lift a few weights. Creaky is a choice. Not mine. Not today
More anon, sparklers!
It's when you realise that what with the above you've got on the get up-work-look after the family-look after mum-worry-sleep badly treadmill and you're sore and stiff and feeling soft and weak....and then one day you get up and muck around on the exercise ball and do your theraband drills and roll on the roller and lift a few weights. Creaky is a choice. Not mine. Not today
More anon, sparklers!
Thursday, December 01, 2016
nobody here but us baubles
Being An Athlete makes these times so much easier! I wish I'd thought of this years ago! I can monitor my posture, and my water and veggie intake, and walk however far the lurgi-raddled lungs will permit. I've had to miss the last 2 mini tris which is a bugger. Oh well.
I'm reading a brilliant book at the moment - F*ck Feelings! It's totally up my street - all about getting real about what shit is actually in your life, doing something about the stuff you can, and DOING YOUR VALUE-DRIVEN, NON-WHINGEING BEST WITH THE STUFF YOU CAN'T. I think it's my favourite book ever (but I'm fickle)
It's Noddie's dance concert this weekend, which will be a treat now she is at such a chilled school. No drama...bliss... I'm getting very excited about Christmas too.... How about you?
More anon, seasonal greeters!
Sunday, November 27, 2016
Evidence
I like this picture so much
It's from this effbee post,
https://www.facebook.com/blockedbypete/photos/a.1508623146067119.1073741828.1508618869400880/1769017513361013/?type=3
with which I am also enamoured, containing as it does absolutely no effing judgmental oversimplifications.
I'm loving Being an Athlete. This weekend I have had a tap dancing lesson from Noddie, which will never be on y0utube, thank goodness, and also walked home along the river with her from the Sunday market. That's what fits in with LIFE at the 'mo. It's all good!
More anon, paradigm-shifters!
It's from this effbee post,
https://www.facebook.com/blockedbypete/photos/a.1508623146067119.1073741828.1508618869400880/1769017513361013/?type=3
with which I am also enamoured, containing as it does absolutely no effing judgmental oversimplifications.
I'm loving Being an Athlete. This weekend I have had a tap dancing lesson from Noddie, which will never be on y0utube, thank goodness, and also walked home along the river with her from the Sunday market. That's what fits in with LIFE at the 'mo. It's all good!
More anon, paradigm-shifters!
Thursday, November 24, 2016
do what you wanna do be what you wanna be yeah
It's been a quiet week here at Lake LBTEPA...not. Noddie turned 13!!!!! I don't know, turn around for a second and your kid grows up!
I'm spending a lot of timeshouting at "discussing things" with people whose mission in life appears to be making my poor Mum's goal of getting my Dad into care before his personality/cognitive issues bankrupt them as difficult as possible. Let's not even mention the local hospital's "if you're polite, helpful and competent you can piss off" hiring policy. Bastards.
But I digress.
My five faithful readers will be happy to know that the LBTEPA thyroid is now getting the right amount of medication and is on the mend. It's been bung for decades, poor thing, and I really should take better care of it. Another thing to add to 'project adulting'. Energy and good cheer are now available on tap, as opposed to summoned by force of will! It's good.
I realised the other day that I've been going about my health and fitness completely arse backwards. I've been perceiving it in terms of 'doing' things (races, tris, goals), which has led to a focus on what I can't do - the huge gap and the innumerable obstacles between Here and There. Daunting? Discouraging? Oh yes!
But then it occurred to me - I need to BE before I DO. I am an athlete. I need to BE an athlete. So the question is, how to be an athlete, no matter what's going on in LIFE?
An athlete:
- mightn't (because of LIFE) necessarily have a goal (although she mostly prefers to have one) and can be (sort of) ok with that
- thinks about what she eats. She minimises comfort eating and sees food as fuel+enjoyment
- doesn't equate weight with 'success'
- thinks about her posture
- focuses on the enjoyment of movement
- doesn't waste time guilt-tripping
- doesn't waste time comparing herself with others OR her former self
- sets things up so it's easier to exercise than not
- seeks to get stronger and stronger
- keeps tweaking things and Finding A Way
- does what she can, when she can.
- catches herself making excuses and calls bullshit on them
- just keeps moving
Now to print this out for the fridge so I can memorise it.....
More anon, groovers!
(that's her on the left. The rather astoundingly tall one)
She is becoming a wonderful young person, chockers with heart and brains and guts. The shift to another dance school where they know the difference between 'tough love' and harshness has been great for her and is totally worth the considerable extra drive time. I'm spending a lot of time
But I digress.
My five faithful readers will be happy to know that the LBTEPA thyroid is now getting the right amount of medication and is on the mend. It's been bung for decades, poor thing, and I really should take better care of it. Another thing to add to 'project adulting'. Energy and good cheer are now available on tap, as opposed to summoned by force of will! It's good.
I realised the other day that I've been going about my health and fitness completely arse backwards. I've been perceiving it in terms of 'doing' things (races, tris, goals), which has led to a focus on what I can't do - the huge gap and the innumerable obstacles between Here and There. Daunting? Discouraging? Oh yes!
But then it occurred to me - I need to BE before I DO. I am an athlete. I need to BE an athlete. So the question is, how to be an athlete, no matter what's going on in LIFE?
An athlete:
- mightn't (because of LIFE) necessarily have a goal (although she mostly prefers to have one) and can be (sort of) ok with that
- thinks about what she eats. She minimises comfort eating and sees food as fuel+enjoyment
- doesn't equate weight with 'success'
- thinks about her posture
- focuses on the enjoyment of movement
- doesn't waste time guilt-tripping
- doesn't waste time comparing herself with others OR her former self
- sets things up so it's easier to exercise than not
- seeks to get stronger and stronger
- keeps tweaking things and Finding A Way
- does what she can, when she can.
- catches herself making excuses and calls bullshit on them
- just keeps moving
Now to print this out for the fridge so I can memorise it.....
More anon, groovers!
Tuesday, November 08, 2016
Saturday, October 29, 2016
Adulting
The other day I was a bit off colour and since I had to organise my pap smear as well, because I'm such an adult, I popped in to visit the GP. We also organised all the blood tests that you have to have to stay in tip-top nick if you're a proper adult...including my thyroid, which has been exceptionally dodgy for over twenty years...and which I hadn't had checked for over two years #epicadultingfail.
Let's just say the normal range of thyroid simulating hormone (the stuff that kickstarts the thyroid) is usually 3-5 and mine was 75 and leave it at that, shall we? Given that the thyroid affects mood, energy and weight, I am in the running for Prize Nong of 2016. Oh well. I've always said that if you can't be a good example be a dire warning! Keep up with your blood tests, people!
More anon, fabulistas!
Let's just say the normal range of thyroid simulating hormone (the stuff that kickstarts the thyroid) is usually 3-5 and mine was 75 and leave it at that, shall we? Given that the thyroid affects mood, energy and weight, I am in the running for Prize Nong of 2016. Oh well. I've always said that if you can't be a good example be a dire warning! Keep up with your blood tests, people!
Wednesday, October 26, 2016
The two weeks that fixed my life #2
So, the next week: the week I walked 21.1km about an hour faster than
I expected, and rode that mojo all the way through the Fear Wall.
I really only did the half mara becuase I couldn't get a refund on the hotel - I'd been away from home for five weekends in a row and I wasn't expecting anything much. I was just happy I could be out there and re-visit the MCG and get some bling. I like bling.
It was fun to go through all the nutrition and hydration plans of My Old Life. I was grateful to be certain I could walk that far. I woke up feeling good, and I decided the approach would be 'not comfortable'. If I felt comfortable, I had to go harder. I was so pleased that I could hold my concentration and my pace - kms were consistent to 5sec except for when I had to make my way through 5000 5km runners coming through the course in the opposite direction, but let's not go there - and I felt happy that I was strong enough to sweat it up for hour after hour. Fight Song came on the 1p0d and I got a bit teary - f*** you injuries and weight gain and bereavements and f*** you always feeling overwhelmed and f*** you depression - I thought you took EVERYTHING. But not so! I'm still REALLY STRONG and this is A GREAT DAY.
I didn't wear a watch, so I was utterly gobsmacked and beyond thrilled to see 3.39 on the clock - I'd been expecting well over four hours! Stupid Determination IS a substitute for training! My finish line videos and photos show this crazy grinning person who looks like Dumbo crossed with the Tin Man but they're clearly wrong - I was floating. I was a f***ing superhero. I was SO HAPPY.
Gosh I felt sorry for the chick who had to sit next to me on the bus on the way home. Unless she liked sweaty snoring.
The
spell of the bling was obviously upon me when I decided to ride this
wave of mojo all the way into the beach and take on the Scariest Thing
In The World - I told effbee I was going to do the local mini-tri!
Without going into too much detail, even thinking about these events
has been an abyss of fear, shame, and sadness for me. After I posted
that I was going, I nearly cried. I felt sick all day. I nearly made
myself late but The Spousal Unit was across that and had my bike and my
bag on the verandah ready for me. I rode off, wishing I could get lost
(it's 2km from my house) or forget how to ride or something.
Of course it was fine! Lots of people I knew were there, and seemed genuinely pleased to see me. They were not the hateful tormentors of yore. It was quite fun! The bike felt much better than I expected. My approach to the (ahem) "run" (equal counts walk/run) was 'stay uncomfortable'. No excuses. No extra walks. It's not far. I was a little bit distracted by kind Jacinta (is this your very first tri?) but she was being friendly and ran most of the way with me.
Last Wednesday I broke out of the prison of my own fearful thoughts and I'm never going back there.
More anon, sparklers!
I really only did the half mara becuase I couldn't get a refund on the hotel - I'd been away from home for five weekends in a row and I wasn't expecting anything much. I was just happy I could be out there and re-visit the MCG and get some bling. I like bling.
It was fun to go through all the nutrition and hydration plans of My Old Life. I was grateful to be certain I could walk that far. I woke up feeling good, and I decided the approach would be 'not comfortable'. If I felt comfortable, I had to go harder. I was so pleased that I could hold my concentration and my pace - kms were consistent to 5sec except for when I had to make my way through 5000 5km runners coming through the course in the opposite direction, but let's not go there - and I felt happy that I was strong enough to sweat it up for hour after hour. Fight Song came on the 1p0d and I got a bit teary - f*** you injuries and weight gain and bereavements and f*** you always feeling overwhelmed and f*** you depression - I thought you took EVERYTHING. But not so! I'm still REALLY STRONG and this is A GREAT DAY.
I didn't wear a watch, so I was utterly gobsmacked and beyond thrilled to see 3.39 on the clock - I'd been expecting well over four hours! Stupid Determination IS a substitute for training! My finish line videos and photos show this crazy grinning person who looks like Dumbo crossed with the Tin Man but they're clearly wrong - I was floating. I was a f***ing superhero. I was SO HAPPY.
Gosh I felt sorry for the chick who had to sit next to me on the bus on the way home. Unless she liked sweaty snoring.
Of course it was fine! Lots of people I knew were there, and seemed genuinely pleased to see me. They were not the hateful tormentors of yore. It was quite fun! The bike felt much better than I expected. My approach to the (ahem) "run" (equal counts walk/run) was 'stay uncomfortable'. No excuses. No extra walks. It's not far. I was a little bit distracted by kind Jacinta (is this your very first tri?) but she was being friendly and ran most of the way with me.
Last Wednesday I broke out of the prison of my own fearful thoughts and I'm never going back there.
Monday, October 24, 2016
The two weeks that fixed my life #1
Two weeks in October 2016 will go down in (my personal) history as The Weeks That Fixed My Life. They Changed Everything.
The first was, of course, the week my darling Bulldogs Won The Big One and re-wrote my life story. The second was last week, when I had the Second Best Day Ever walking a half marathon and then four days later crashed through all my fears like an action hero through sugar glass.
This article sums it all up beautifully I think - especially first few paragraphs
Sixty-two years of misery told every Bulldogs fan that the ball was going to bounce left. For so long, failure was a desert, and hope was a series of poisoned oases........ for more than half a century the team’s lone identity was failure...... And more than anything, the Bulldogs lost. They lost games, seasons and players, they lost the competition’s respect, and they lost hope.......... Why did Tony Liberatore’s match-sealing goal get called a behind in the ’97 preliminary final? Why did Chris Grant poll the most votes in the Brownlow medal that same year when he was ineligible? The same simple reason: because bad things happen to the Bulldogs.....
If you grow up in a family/micro culture where your team is your tribe, this stuff shapes you. You learn that loyalty is all you have. Success and delight are for other clubs. You get really, really sick of 'the glory of struggle', but there's nothing else to do. I don't think anyone gets 'good' at disappointment. You get good at being resigned, and forcedly lowering your expectations, and loving your club even though they're crap, and at being quietly BITTER. It seeps into other areas of your life. I'm always quite surprised (and absolutely delighted) when things I've worked for go well. It's difficult and scary to Dream Big - and then when you've had a rough-ish spell over a few years, you almost forget how.
On the converse, however, if you are clever, you learn to notice and be very grateful and happy about very little things, which is a wonderful tool for a happy life! So there you go!
And another thing: people feel sorry for you when you follow the Bulldogs. I utterly LOATHE being felt sorry for. It's one of the reasons it's been very hard to return to racing as a fat person. If you kindly tell me that the Bulldogs are your 'second team', I secretly hate you (probably).
I plan and prepare and work hard and maybe don't aim as high as I should, because I have never had any reason to expect things to happen just because I want them to. They. Never. Ever. Do.
UNTIL NOW!!!!
We are the Champions, my friend! WOOF WOOF WOOF!!
As Captain Bob Our Spiritual Advisor wrote : the Western Bulldogs are ...a family. But like all families there is pain, hurt and damage done from the hard years. Too many hard years. All of a sudden, so many years of heartbreak and longing...are behind us. The sunshine....has broken through the clouds, warming the faces of the clan.
Oh, how good it is to be in the sun! This all sounds utterly stupid, I realise, and it is, but the world changed when we won. It changed forever! The siren went, and the huge roar vibrated through the mass of the MCG and through our bones, and somehow, like some corny fairytale movie, life was different for the tens of thousands of loyal, brave, not-very-hopeful, elated-beyond-measure diehard Doggies who'd dared to show up in case the unbelievable happened. Sometimes things do go our way. Who knew?
PS I KNOW, I KNOW #firstworldproblem!!! But this is my blog and it's where I reflect on my little world.
*takes short break to watch the last three minutes of the game again*
This article sums it all up beautifully I think - especially first few paragraphs
Sixty-two years of misery told every Bulldogs fan that the ball was going to bounce left. For so long, failure was a desert, and hope was a series of poisoned oases........ for more than half a century the team’s lone identity was failure...... And more than anything, the Bulldogs lost. They lost games, seasons and players, they lost the competition’s respect, and they lost hope.......... Why did Tony Liberatore’s match-sealing goal get called a behind in the ’97 preliminary final? Why did Chris Grant poll the most votes in the Brownlow medal that same year when he was ineligible? The same simple reason: because bad things happen to the Bulldogs.....
If you grow up in a family/micro culture where your team is your tribe, this stuff shapes you. You learn that loyalty is all you have. Success and delight are for other clubs. You get really, really sick of 'the glory of struggle', but there's nothing else to do. I don't think anyone gets 'good' at disappointment. You get good at being resigned, and forcedly lowering your expectations, and loving your club even though they're crap, and at being quietly BITTER. It seeps into other areas of your life. I'm always quite surprised (and absolutely delighted) when things I've worked for go well. It's difficult and scary to Dream Big - and then when you've had a rough-ish spell over a few years, you almost forget how.
On the converse, however, if you are clever, you learn to notice and be very grateful and happy about very little things, which is a wonderful tool for a happy life! So there you go!
And another thing: people feel sorry for you when you follow the Bulldogs. I utterly LOATHE being felt sorry for. It's one of the reasons it's been very hard to return to racing as a fat person. If you kindly tell me that the Bulldogs are your 'second team', I secretly hate you (probably).
I plan and prepare and work hard and maybe don't aim as high as I should, because I have never had any reason to expect things to happen just because I want them to. They. Never. Ever. Do.
UNTIL NOW!!!!
We are the Champions, my friend! WOOF WOOF WOOF!!
As Captain Bob Our Spiritual Advisor wrote : the Western Bulldogs are ...a family. But like all families there is pain, hurt and damage done from the hard years. Too many hard years. All of a sudden, so many years of heartbreak and longing...are behind us. The sunshine....has broken through the clouds, warming the faces of the clan.
Oh, how good it is to be in the sun! This all sounds utterly stupid, I realise, and it is, but the world changed when we won. It changed forever! The siren went, and the huge roar vibrated through the mass of the MCG and through our bones, and somehow, like some corny fairytale movie, life was different for the tens of thousands of loyal, brave, not-very-hopeful, elated-beyond-measure diehard Doggies who'd dared to show up in case the unbelievable happened. Sometimes things do go our way. Who knew?
PS I KNOW, I KNOW #firstworldproblem!!! But this is my blog and it's where I reflect on my little world.
*takes short break to watch the last three minutes of the game again*
Wednesday, October 12, 2016
focus
I could focus on the fact that I'm no closer to fitness than I was several months ago - but not much further away from it either, I suppose, so there's that - and have done very very little training, and my foot hasn't really settled down properly blah blah blah blah.
Instead, I'm focusing on the fact that I have no doubt that I will be able to walk 21.1 km on Sunday at the Melbourne Marathon. That's a Very Good Thing. So that's what I'll be doing. See you on the other side with the bling!
More anon, amblers!
Tuesday, October 04, 2016
Bend it like Noddie
My next post may be a reflection on how my darling Bulldogs' Grand final win will change my life. How does one approach living when chronic disappointment and existential pessimism is no longer a valid world-view??
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