The lovely Lisa has given the LBTEPA Department of Philosphy and Hard Thinking much about which to cogitate. To whit: I was startled by the thought that I need to forgive my ex-friend. Lisa is of course, correct (as always!); if someone lies to you for a long period of time with the intent of deceiving you, that's wrong, yes? And hurtful. I think I have forgiven her for that. It's made me see her in a completely different way, though. I don't want her in my life and I mourn our dead friendship. I don't see any need to forgive her for doing Goofy though - I've said all along that she had every right to do exactly as she pleased. If I don't judge her actions as wrong then there's nothing to forgive (?). I'm thinking hard about forgiveness, anger and hurt though; can they co-exist? Can you have forgiven someone when the thought of his or her behaviour still provokes flashes of fury or pain? I think so. What do you think?
Another thing I found out is that some people process painful episodes by talking about them and other people process them by not talking about them; when the latter encounter the former they get irritable and accuse them of 'going on and on about things', whereupon the former feel unheard and judged and try to explain themselves again to the latter, often increasingly angrily. A row is likely to ensue at this point.
But I digress.
Lisa also suggested that I find small goals to celebrate on my return journey to health and strength. Hmmm. The LBTEPA School of Quantum Mechanics has put its finest minds to work and produced a list of the smallest possible components that I can tick off in the name of Getting Somewhere At Long Bloody Last. It's in the sidebar ---------------------------------------------->
Can't get much more chunky than that.
More anon, rocky roaders!
3 comments:
I share your feelings. My friendship ended on Dec 22. I'm still hurt. I get angry when I think about it. At the same time, I have forgiven the person. It doesn't make the hurt go away right away. I struggle with how much I write about because I want to write about it every day as I deal with the "loss". Maybe it is my tendency as an "introvert". I need to process that way, but I also don't want to bore people.
I say, use your blog to get out those emotions. It's ok. We all understand.
Before I comment on anything else, I just want to say that one of the things I love about your attitude is how determined you are. What does it say on that shirt you have, "Stupidly Determined" or something like that. I just love that!
I can't wait to celebrate each of those milestones that you put on your sidebar with you. And I have this feeling you will get great joy out of marking them off as they are reached. YAY!!
I won't comment further on the forgiveness thing since you mentioned that you are pondering it (along with hurt and anger). But I do have thoughts if you want to ponder specifically with me at some point.
In any event, my sincere hope for you is that you can be happy and content and joy-filled. *hugs*
There's a quote attributed to Buddha that goes:
"Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intention of throwing it at someone else; You are the one who gets burned".
Hard though it is to forgive someone when they've hurt and betrayed you, you have to let it go. I'm not saying it'll be quick or easy, but moving on is much easier without dragging that big chunk of resentment with you.
Love the goal list. Big picture stuff always overwhelms me; small chunks are definitely the go.
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