My friends, my dear friends...comrades, pals, companions in life's vicissitudes...
I have a confession to make. I have been lying to you.
You have had race reports and smiling photos and funny freak-outs and peptalks to others, but underneath all that, I'm feeling lost. Life seems a bit disconnected and directionless, and as though things are spinning around and around me and flying away faster than I can catch them.
I just gave the biggest sigh as I wrote that. Putting it down has made me feel a bit better.
It doesn't make sense to feel like that - I'm training hard and regularly, eating (fairly) well and maintaining my detente with the Demon Drink. Pretty tired from 5.15am starts, but all set to taper for the Olympic Tri next week !!!!(excuse me for a moment while I FREAK OUT!!!!) and then get started on my big mid-year project. Physically I feel strong, although sleep deprived thanks to that matricidal spawn of satan, I mean poor Noddie, sleeping very badly (= Mummy up at least twice every night) for the last week. Noddie and the Spousal Unit are their lovely selves; work is as ok as it ever is. I don't know what's wrong. I could be a stranded alien, or a pod-person who's just realised it, or I could be irritable because we haven't really settled into a routine this year....or I could just be naturally cranky. I don't really care. In keeping with my devoutly-held belief that if you have a plan you can change it, while no plan = you keep drifting, The Plan Is This:
The Chart Is Back!
Don't pout like that and say is that the best you can do? This is my mini-crisis! It's all about me here!
Last year my charts reminded me to do what I wanted to do in the midst of what I had to do. I let them go during the thesis-finish craziness and the lovely summer holidays because there are times when structure and goals aren't the be-all and end-all (claps hand to mouth - did I just say that?).
That time is OVER. This year my chart will remind me that I don't have to feel aimless.
Headings include the usual - Training, Stretching/Core, Friends - but also two new ones, EWD and DWD - Eat Wisely Day and Drink Wisely Day. The number of nights I've gone to bed and sighed sadly, that was stupid, better try harder tomorrow is creeping up, and I don't need any extra ammunition to criticise myself, I can assure you. Wise is a flexible word - sometimes it's wise to eat tuna salad and drink water, sometimes pizza and red wine are the thing. It's a non-judgemental word too, which suits the mood I'm in.
Hey ho and away we go, eh? Bring on the red pen and some boxes to cross off.
More anon, sages!
Friday, February 29, 2008
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Race report - Big Bay Swim
Shock announcement: LBTEPA secretly relieved swim course changed for safety reasons!
In a stunning develoment, sources close to our heroine reveal she was secretly very relieved that the 3.5km open water course was changed to a far more sheltered 2.5km course following predictions of high winds including 30 knot gusts. It's not that I couldn't do it, LBTEPa told close friends, it's that I have to run tomorrow and I really don't need an epic tough-it-out-a-thon just at this point.
Even so, our heroine spent the morning leading up to the event murmuring to herself I do this for fun you know, over and over again, in the vain hope it would sink in and her stomach would stop churning. An unfamiliar starting point, confounded by 100000000000 Summer Cycle participants blocking the roads, added to her nerves, as did the crowd of lean mean aquatic machines milling about talking airily of the Bloody Big Swim, Busselton, etc etc. The wind-whipped trees and whitecaps on the channel added atmosphere, but not in a good way.
LBTEPA would like to point out that this photo is in no way a true representation of the grey, gritty, chilly conditions (do you like her new haircut? She's undecided. It will grow out). Swimmers teetered down the boat ramp into the warm(ish, well, not icy) murky bay and trod water as they listened to yet another safety briefing. Observers reported LBTEPA as smiling excitedly, just before having her goggles knocked off (for the first time..grrrr) by other over-enthusiastic competitors. It was difficult to find a place in the field as so many slower swimmers were ahead at the start, and so many stronger swimmers were utterly sighting-impaired, completing a significantly longer distance at a significantly faster pace than the back-'o-the-pack swimmers, yet still impeding the BOPers with their torturous wending.
The middle portion of the event was described by LBTEPA as 'an absolute cow' - swimming with chop at the start of a race is pretty normal, swimming in swell is all right because you can get a kind of rhythm going, but swimming perpendicular to chop is just stupid! Also described as 'stupid' (among other things) by LBTEPA was the utterly pointless biffo from the hardcore (i.e. wetsuit-free) old blokes in the last third of the race. As our intrepid correspondent pointed out, it's not as though they were swimming for sheep stations. Knocking my goggles off achieved....what? These bloody minded old codgers got up our heroine's nose for a while until she realised the swim would be finished soon so she'd better just bloody well enjoy the crap out of it while she still had the chance (apologies for LBTEPA's tiredness Tourette's. We will smack her hand). Blue(ish) skies, open water - a treat, and a blessing to have the opportunity.
It could well have been ok to have swum the originally-planned course. However, as LBTEPA said after the race, if it had been as bad as forecast the swimmers would have been all right, but we also need to consider the life guards who provide such sterling safety support to the event. It wasn't the full-on adventurous swim we'd all looked forward to, she said, but these things happen. LBTEPA would like to thank her parents for carting her around to ocean swims throughout her teens so that this was a challenging-but-normal rather than are-you-out-of-your-mind-you-lunatic? Sunday morning activity, the ever-spunky Spousal Unit and the sadly very off-colour Noddie (the reason for LBTEPA's solo appearance this a.m.), and her supportive fans.
More anon, conquerers of the waves!
LBTEPA (now sleeping heavily) would like to assure readers that no jellyfish were harmed, or even sighted (yay!) during the making of this feature.
In a stunning develoment, sources close to our heroine reveal she was secretly very relieved that the 3.5km open water course was changed to a far more sheltered 2.5km course following predictions of high winds including 30 knot gusts. It's not that I couldn't do it, LBTEPa told close friends, it's that I have to run tomorrow and I really don't need an epic tough-it-out-a-thon just at this point.
Even so, our heroine spent the morning leading up to the event murmuring to herself I do this for fun you know, over and over again, in the vain hope it would sink in and her stomach would stop churning. An unfamiliar starting point, confounded by 100000000000 Summer Cycle participants blocking the roads, added to her nerves, as did the crowd of lean mean aquatic machines milling about talking airily of the Bloody Big Swim, Busselton, etc etc. The wind-whipped trees and whitecaps on the channel added atmosphere, but not in a good way.
LBTEPA would like to point out that this photo is in no way a true representation of the grey, gritty, chilly conditions (do you like her new haircut? She's undecided. It will grow out). Swimmers teetered down the boat ramp into the warm(ish, well, not icy) murky bay and trod water as they listened to yet another safety briefing. Observers reported LBTEPA as smiling excitedly, just before having her goggles knocked off (for the first time..grrrr) by other over-enthusiastic competitors. It was difficult to find a place in the field as so many slower swimmers were ahead at the start, and so many stronger swimmers were utterly sighting-impaired, completing a significantly longer distance at a significantly faster pace than the back-'o-the-pack swimmers, yet still impeding the BOPers with their torturous wending.The middle portion of the event was described by LBTEPA as 'an absolute cow' - swimming with chop at the start of a race is pretty normal, swimming in swell is all right because you can get a kind of rhythm going, but swimming perpendicular to chop is just stupid! Also described as 'stupid' (among other things) by LBTEPA was the utterly pointless biffo from the hardcore (i.e. wetsuit-free) old blokes in the last third of the race. As our intrepid correspondent pointed out, it's not as though they were swimming for sheep stations. Knocking my goggles off achieved....what? These bloody minded old codgers got up our heroine's nose for a while until she realised the swim would be finished soon so she'd better just bloody well enjoy the crap out of it while she still had the chance (apologies for LBTEPA's tiredness Tourette's. We will smack her hand). Blue(ish) skies, open water - a treat, and a blessing to have the opportunity.
It could well have been ok to have swum the originally-planned course. However, as LBTEPA said after the race, if it had been as bad as forecast the swimmers would have been all right, but we also need to consider the life guards who provide such sterling safety support to the event. It wasn't the full-on adventurous swim we'd all looked forward to, she said, but these things happen. LBTEPA would like to thank her parents for carting her around to ocean swims throughout her teens so that this was a challenging-but-normal rather than are-you-out-of-your-mind-you-lunatic? Sunday morning activity, the ever-spunky Spousal Unit and the sadly very off-colour Noddie (the reason for LBTEPA's solo appearance this a.m.), and her supportive fans.More anon, conquerers of the waves!
LBTEPA (now sleeping heavily) would like to assure readers that no jellyfish were harmed, or even sighted (yay!) during the making of this feature.
Friday, February 22, 2008
FREAK OUT! And fake it until the champagne arrives
16 days until the Bairnsdale tri. Swim 1500, ride 40km UP ENORMOUS HILLS, run 10km Medic! Oxygen here, stat! LBTEPA appears to have fainted! Minus 5 days for taper…that’s 11 days to get trained and get planned and get ready and I’m doing the Port Melbourne-Williamstown swim on Sunday, so there’s a long ride day sacrificed for chop and swell and jellyfish and 19 f#$%ing degrees and rain!! What was I thinking? What am I thinking? I’m FREAKING OUT, that’s what! Aaaaahhhh! ...breathes in…breathes out…. Must. Make. Lists….. lists will save me! Oh, and denial. Olympic distance? What Olympic distance?
This is a bit of a heard-it-all-before half-arsed self-help-book rant, and I'm sorry about that, but it's been rattling around in my noggin for a few days now; it seemed important to let it out. When I showed my friend S the podium photo from Elwood last weekend, her comment really stuck in my mind.
This is a bit of a heard-it-all-before half-arsed self-help-book rant, and I'm sorry about that, but it's been rattling around in my noggin for a few days now; it seemed important to let it out. When I showed my friend S the podium photo from Elwood last weekend, her comment really stuck in my mind.
Geez, if you’re the big girls, the others must be tiny! There’s nothing wrong with you three!
This is true. There is nothing wrong with the shape of my body. And I know it. I want to lose some weight, certainly, but not because my current weight is 'wrong' - it is what it is. It’s taken a long time, but I do know it. My friend M (about my height, a fair bit more slender) doesn’t. It made me so sad when she watched the 20-25 year olds on the podium and said Look at them. They can’t weigh more than 45 kilos. Her boyfriend G commented mildly that if she weighed 45kg we’d have to take her to hospital, but she didn’t smile.
Hey you! Yes you! You know who you are - making yourself miserable comparing yourself to other people. Faster people, lighter people, younger people. Stop it! Or at least, decide to do it less today than you did yesterday. You are perfectly fine the way you are!
No I’m not, you reply, I eat/drink/do/don’t……
Yes. You. Are. You’re living your best life, with what you have, where you are (mangling one of my favourite quotes, thanks Eleanor).
Listen to what you say to yourself. Would you take it from anyone else? Would you let someone say it to your child? I must say having Noddie has helped me with smacking down my self-critical voice - I am always extremely careful never to comment negatively on my - or anyone's - weight or appearance in her presence.
Suprisingly, though, saying those I wish I wasn’t so hideously ugly and badly dressed and socially inept and boring so I could have some friends things out loud to J before I go out actually removes their power somehow*. Out in the light they are revealed for what they are – old voices from forever ago, and sad bleating for reassurance. Sometimes they’re PMS talking, but I can recognise those sneaky bastards now and smack them down too. I don't have to listen to them any more. I can reassure my own self now. I’m strong and brave and I can hold my head up anywhere - or at least fake it until the champagne arrives!
The magnificent Nancy linked to this – I think we should all sign it, or make one of our own.
Must go and FREAK OUT again now! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! Sixteen, I mean eleven days!!!
More anon, biters-off of more than you can chew!
*He usually just looks faintly surprised and says Oh.
Hey you! Yes you! You know who you are - making yourself miserable comparing yourself to other people. Faster people, lighter people, younger people. Stop it! Or at least, decide to do it less today than you did yesterday. You are perfectly fine the way you are!
No I’m not, you reply, I eat/drink/do/don’t……
Yes. You. Are. You’re living your best life, with what you have, where you are (mangling one of my favourite quotes, thanks Eleanor).
Listen to what you say to yourself. Would you take it from anyone else? Would you let someone say it to your child? I must say having Noddie has helped me with smacking down my self-critical voice - I am always extremely careful never to comment negatively on my - or anyone's - weight or appearance in her presence.
Suprisingly, though, saying those I wish I wasn’t so hideously ugly and badly dressed and socially inept and boring so I could have some friends things out loud to J before I go out actually removes their power somehow*. Out in the light they are revealed for what they are – old voices from forever ago, and sad bleating for reassurance. Sometimes they’re PMS talking, but I can recognise those sneaky bastards now and smack them down too. I don't have to listen to them any more. I can reassure my own self now. I’m strong and brave and I can hold my head up anywhere - or at least fake it until the champagne arrives!
The magnificent Nancy linked to this – I think we should all sign it, or make one of our own.
Must go and FREAK OUT again now! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! Sixteen, I mean eleven days!!!
More anon, biters-off of more than you can chew!
*He usually just looks faintly surprised and says Oh.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
I don't want to miss a thing
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you’re far away dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure
Don't want to close my eyes, I don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you baby and I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you, the sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby and I don't want to miss a thing
Lying close to you feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes
And thank God we're together
I just want to stay with you in this moment forever
Forever and ever
Don't want to close my eyes, I don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you baby and I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you, the sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby and I don't want to miss a thing
I dont want to miss one smile, I don't want to miss one kiss
I just want to be with you, right here with you, just like this
I just want to hold you close, feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment for all the rest of time
Don't want to close my eyes, I don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you baby and I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you, the sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby and I don't want to miss a thing ....
It's always been our song.
Happy anniversary sweetheart. Eight down, sixty-two to go!
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you’re far away dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure
Don't want to close my eyes, I don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you baby and I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you, the sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby and I don't want to miss a thing
Lying close to you feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes
And thank God we're together
I just want to stay with you in this moment forever
Forever and ever
Don't want to close my eyes, I don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you baby and I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you, the sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby and I don't want to miss a thing
I dont want to miss one smile, I don't want to miss one kiss
I just want to be with you, right here with you, just like this
I just want to hold you close, feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment for all the rest of time
Don't want to close my eyes, I don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you baby and I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you, the sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby and I don't want to miss a thing ....
It's always been our song.
Happy anniversary sweetheart. Eight down, sixty-two to go!
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Race Report - Gatorade Elwood
RACE: Gatorade Race 5 Elwood
DISTANCE: 600/20/6
TIME: 1.42.44
RATING: EXTREMELY PLEASED
What to say, what to say? I used The List* for all my packing and planning the night before, I had everything I needed for my nutrition plan and executed it perfectly so I felt strong and confident all the way. After a fast swim (apart from the jelly fish sting to the face! Bastard!) and a pretty good bike leg – I could see my friend M only a km behind so I was riding scared, I can tell you - my run was a surprise. It wasn't too hot - starting in the fourth wave has its advantages after all - and I was singing the Playschool song that my mantra (strong and smooth and run run run) comes from and pretty much in my happy(ish) place most of the way. I stuck to my 9:1 run:walk intervals - and every single walk break a lean mean tri machine zooming past reached out and patted me on the shoulder with encouraging words. It was so lovely to be reminded that most triathletes are supportive and helpful. Strangely I had no urge to justify or explain myself to them. Maybe I’m getting all well adjusted? There was nothing left in the tank for a sprint at the end but I managed to do a raised-arm Wes-esque finish. I still have the most shite T2 in the universe, oh well, but the run was 15s/km faster than Portarlington two weeks ago. Woot!
After I gulped down five cups of water I went to the first aid tent to get some help with my stung face (did you know they don't use vinegar now? Just warm water) and to look for M because we couldn't find her and she hadn't been feeling well. My hands started to shake and shake and I had to sit down but I soon felt better.
The winning Athena – henceforth known as Carbon Fibre Chick as her bike was fully sick featherlight carbon, Zipp wheels and everything (now everybody say ‘oooooooooooh!’) – was terrific at the presentations. As usual they didn’t present the Athena category; the announcer was about to wrap things up when CFC grabbed me and the other Athena, marched up to the announcer and demanded we be given our medals, on the podium thankyou very much. They faffed on about the final results not being available etc etc but were powerless in the face of her implacable determination.
I got third because the fifth Athena (does that sound like a movie?) was a DNS, but you’ve gotta show up to score as I always say. But that's a different movie altogether
I didn’t tell Noddie and J about my medal because I wanted to surprise them when I got home – and look what they surprised me with!
DISTANCE: 600/20/6
TIME: 1.42.44
RATING: EXTREMELY PLEASED
What to say, what to say? I used The List* for all my packing and planning the night before, I had everything I needed for my nutrition plan and executed it perfectly so I felt strong and confident all the way. After a fast swim (apart from the jelly fish sting to the face! Bastard!) and a pretty good bike leg – I could see my friend M only a km behind so I was riding scared, I can tell you - my run was a surprise. It wasn't too hot - starting in the fourth wave has its advantages after all - and I was singing the Playschool song that my mantra (strong and smooth and run run run) comes from and pretty much in my happy(ish) place most of the way. I stuck to my 9:1 run:walk intervals - and every single walk break a lean mean tri machine zooming past reached out and patted me on the shoulder with encouraging words. It was so lovely to be reminded that most triathletes are supportive and helpful. Strangely I had no urge to justify or explain myself to them. Maybe I’m getting all well adjusted? There was nothing left in the tank for a sprint at the end but I managed to do a raised-arm Wes-esque finish. I still have the most shite T2 in the universe, oh well, but the run was 15s/km faster than Portarlington two weeks ago. Woot!
After I gulped down five cups of water I went to the first aid tent to get some help with my stung face (did you know they don't use vinegar now? Just warm water) and to look for M because we couldn't find her and she hadn't been feeling well. My hands started to shake and shake and I had to sit down but I soon felt better.
The winning Athena – henceforth known as Carbon Fibre Chick as her bike was fully sick featherlight carbon, Zipp wheels and everything (now everybody say ‘oooooooooooh!’) – was terrific at the presentations. As usual they didn’t present the Athena category; the announcer was about to wrap things up when CFC grabbed me and the other Athena, marched up to the announcer and demanded we be given our medals, on the podium thankyou very much. They faffed on about the final results not being available etc etc but were powerless in the face of her implacable determination.
I got third because the fifth Athena (does that sound like a movie?) was a DNS, but you’ve gotta show up to score as I always say. But that's a different movie altogetherI didn’t tell Noddie and J about my medal because I wanted to surprise them when I got home – and look what they surprised me with!
The newbie didn’t show when she said she would so we didn’t catch up, but she did come down and have a look and we talked on the phone after the race. I hope she felt ok because it’s a massive day and easy to be intimidated by two and a half thousand competitors and all the brawn and toys and smack talk – but there’s enough room for everyone.
More anon, sleepyheads...zzzzzzz....
* Let me know if you want a copy and if you sign a code of secrecy I'll email you one
Friday, February 15, 2008
HVD2U
Happy Valentine's Day for yesterday to you all.
We don't do much Valentine stuff because it falls in between my birthday and our wedding anniversary next week, but we did plan to get Noddie settled early and watch a Fred and Ginger movie. This was scuppered by Noddie announcing that she was going to sleep outside in her tent and would we put it up for her as she'd already built a campfire. Now, while I have every respect for Noddie's capabilities, I confess I was nonplussed by this statement until I was led out to inspect and admire a small pile of leaves.
Who am I to squelch such a spirit of adventure?
So I sat out on the verandah with my book, responding appropriately to the piping calls of my offspring
I'm very brave you know
You don't have to check on me 'cause I'm not scared
Are you still there Mummy?
You don't have to check on me 'cause I'm in my tent with Teddy and we're very brave
etc etc etc
until she declared that it was getting a bit dark and she was going to sleep in her own bed. By then it was too late to start a movie, but we made some nachos and ate some birthday chocolate and declared the evening a success.
It's been a stupid training week. I have not got up early enough often enough, lunchtime swims didn't happen 'cause tiresome people keep ringing me up and emailing me, the nerve.... and after work never works. I don't know why I think it will. J and Noddie would be perfectly fine but it seems mean to just prance in the door and then sail blithely out again when both of them are tired and we haven't seen each other all day. Priorities, you see. I just have to Suck It Up and Get Up, especially since J starts at a new store soon and his shifts will be changing, not in a way that suits me. My friend IronWil has a saying for these times
Get Up. It sucks, then it doesn't
Go and train. It sucks, then it doesn't.
Always.
As usual she is spot on - and she gets up way earlier than I'll have to! I just have to remember that I always feel worse if I don't get up than if I do.
In other news - I lost 1.5 kg and 12 cm in January. Woot.
The fabulous Iron GeekGirl's charming husband SB (is this sounding like a translation exercise?) mentors an online beginner triathlon group. One of the group lives in Melbourne and is planning the last Gatorade tri as her maiden event. SB recalled that I too reside in that great metropolis, and now, thanks to the wonders of the internet, we (the beginner - heck, why not just call her Maree? since that's her name - and I) will be meeting on Sunday morning so she can have a squiz at how a big triathlon works. Meeting in Elwood, with some help from New Mexico! How cool is that?
More anon, true romantics
We don't do much Valentine stuff because it falls in between my birthday and our wedding anniversary next week, but we did plan to get Noddie settled early and watch a Fred and Ginger movie. This was scuppered by Noddie announcing that she was going to sleep outside in her tent and would we put it up for her as she'd already built a campfire. Now, while I have every respect for Noddie's capabilities, I confess I was nonplussed by this statement until I was led out to inspect and admire a small pile of leaves.
Who am I to squelch such a spirit of adventure?
So I sat out on the verandah with my book, responding appropriately to the piping calls of my offspring
I'm very brave you know
You don't have to check on me 'cause I'm not scared
Are you still there Mummy?
You don't have to check on me 'cause I'm in my tent with Teddy and we're very brave
etc etc etc
until she declared that it was getting a bit dark and she was going to sleep in her own bed. By then it was too late to start a movie, but we made some nachos and ate some birthday chocolate and declared the evening a success.
It's been a stupid training week. I have not got up early enough often enough, lunchtime swims didn't happen 'cause tiresome people keep ringing me up and emailing me, the nerve.... and after work never works. I don't know why I think it will. J and Noddie would be perfectly fine but it seems mean to just prance in the door and then sail blithely out again when both of them are tired and we haven't seen each other all day. Priorities, you see. I just have to Suck It Up and Get Up, especially since J starts at a new store soon and his shifts will be changing, not in a way that suits me. My friend IronWil has a saying for these times
Get Up. It sucks, then it doesn't
Go and train. It sucks, then it doesn't.
Always.
As usual she is spot on - and she gets up way earlier than I'll have to! I just have to remember that I always feel worse if I don't get up than if I do.
In other news - I lost 1.5 kg and 12 cm in January. Woot.
The fabulous Iron GeekGirl's charming husband SB (is this sounding like a translation exercise?) mentors an online beginner triathlon group. One of the group lives in Melbourne and is planning the last Gatorade tri as her maiden event. SB recalled that I too reside in that great metropolis, and now, thanks to the wonders of the internet, we (the beginner - heck, why not just call her Maree? since that's her name - and I) will be meeting on Sunday morning so she can have a squiz at how a big triathlon works. Meeting in Elwood, with some help from New Mexico! How cool is that?
More anon, true romantics
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Sorry
Noddie, tomorrow before kinder we are going to uni to see an important day in history.
What's history, Mummy?
History is when something very important happens that no-one will ever forget. And we'll never forget we saw this day either.
What history is happening tomorrow?
Kevin Rudd is going to apologise to the Aboriginal people. We're going to watch him on a big movie screen with lots of other people.
What's apologise?
He's going to say sorry.
Why is he sorry?
He's sorry because of all the bad things that the Government did to the Aboriginal people in the past.
What bad things?
Just really really bad things that were wrong and shouldn't have happened (you think I'm going to explain the stolen generations to a four year old?
Did Kevin Rudd do the bad things?
No. But you know when we have a fight or something bad happens and everyone says sorry and we all start to feel a bit better and can start to make things better?
Yes....
Well, when Prime Minister Rudd says sorry to the Aboriginal people for all the terrible things that the Government did in the past, we can start to fix things.
Oh. Do I have to be quiet all the time when we're watching the apology?
*Later*
Daddy! Tomorrow we're going to watch Kevin Rudd say sorry so we can all start to fix things! And I'm never going to forget!
There haven't been many times in the last decade when I've felt proud to be Australian. This is a great thing. Today is a great day.
What's history, Mummy?
History is when something very important happens that no-one will ever forget. And we'll never forget we saw this day either.
What history is happening tomorrow?
Kevin Rudd is going to apologise to the Aboriginal people. We're going to watch him on a big movie screen with lots of other people.
What's apologise?
He's going to say sorry.
Why is he sorry?
He's sorry because of all the bad things that the Government did to the Aboriginal people in the past.
What bad things?
Just really really bad things that were wrong and shouldn't have happened (you think I'm going to explain the stolen generations to a four year old?
Did Kevin Rudd do the bad things?
No. But you know when we have a fight or something bad happens and everyone says sorry and we all start to feel a bit better and can start to make things better?
Yes....
Well, when Prime Minister Rudd says sorry to the Aboriginal people for all the terrible things that the Government did in the past, we can start to fix things.
Oh. Do I have to be quiet all the time when we're watching the apology?
*Later*
Daddy! Tomorrow we're going to watch Kevin Rudd say sorry so we can all start to fix things! And I'm never going to forget!
There haven't been many times in the last decade when I've felt proud to be Australian. This is a great thing. Today is a great day.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Friday, February 08, 2008
Pretty
I want a pretty tri top. With flowers or a groovy pattern, in pretty colours like yellow and orange and pink and red. Any good brands you can recommend? Do you know someone with a cool tri top who you can bail up and ask where she got it? The roomier the better, and I don't need an inbuilt bra - my girls are looked after by Enell.
No news from uni about my thesis yet. They are SLACK and I have written to the course co-ordinators. If I don't get some news soon I will forward it to the vice-chancellor. Grrrr.
We'll be flat out this weekend. It's my birthday and I've accidentally asked 25 people for lunch on Sunday.
No news from uni about my thesis yet. They are SLACK and I have written to the course co-ordinators. If I don't get some news soon I will forward it to the vice-chancellor. Grrrr.
We'll be flat out this weekend. It's my birthday and I've accidentally asked 25 people for lunch on Sunday.
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
For you, Jeanne
This is mainly for me – well der, this is My Blog – and for the lovely Jeanne who is doing her first tri soon, and likes to emulate the laudable example set by boy scouts and Be Prepared.
WARNING: LONG. It’s pretty much unedited as well; I just want to get it all down - splat!
GATORADE PORTARLINGTON TRIATHLON
800/26/8 2.23.39
RATING: THRILLED
PRE-RACE
We all had naps on Saturday afternoon after the beach, and I had the worst dream – I slept through the alarm on Sunday morning until 7.30 am- and the race started at 8.30, an hour and three-quarters away! In my dream I frantically tried to work out how I could get there, how I could start…then thankfully woke up, my heart pounding.
I shoulda shoulda shoulda got up and driven to the bike shop to get some sports beans, stupid supermarket not stocking them any more grrrr, but I was too tired/had a CBB attack. As you will see, this bit me on the behind next day.
Next time I am going to write a list, I swear, so much less wearing than cruising through the preparations, wetsuit, check, togs, check, bike shoes, check, etc etc etc, then realising I’d not put my goggles in my bag! Vaseline, check, anti-fog (flash name for smear of dishwashing liquid) check, bike, check! I loved the yellow top I wore last time but being a riding top it chafed so badly under my arms I couldn’t bring myself to wear it again, and wore a running singlet. No pockets, alas, and I could have done with some. I’ll just have to keep hunting for a groovy, pretty tri-top. I didn’t want to wake everyone as I left so I made up a thermos of tea the night before and picked up a couple of pieces of raisin toast at Maccas on the freeway, as that’s what I would have had anyway.
At Portarlington I found a parking spot and scarfed down a breakfast drink. I was alarmed to note the F#$%ing Steep Hill BETWEEN the BEACH (where I assumed the swim would take place) and the ROAD – likely site of ride and run. What was this? My dear “friend” (I use the term loosely) M had assured me that the run course was ‘flat as a tack’. Well my lovelies, she LIED LIKE A RUG. But I get ahead of myself.
Transition was long and thin and I was in ROW 25 (see, I learned from last time) next to M and the other Athenas. One seemed quite friendly, although she was quite expansive in her attitude to scarce Transition real estate (I squeezed in ok). I gave her a cheer on the run and she cut me dead (b*tch!) - but she may have been a) tired b) hot and tired or c) someone else entirely.
SWIM
I’d never been in the same wave as M before so I fell into the pre-race chat trap – and almost missed the start! Sh*t! On with the goggles and off we go! It was so so so flat, and so fun to swim out and around the pier. My strategy was to push it to almost-out-of-breath. Plenty of time to get my heart rate down on the bike…or so I thought….
TIME: 800m 15.59
LESSONS
Write a list
Concentrate on the start!
T1 3.08
Run run run. Sh*t! My wetsuit wouldn’t unzip. I got it off in time, eventually! I’d even practiced at home (!) so I was pretty pleased with how quickly those bike shoes jammed on and I was off…up up up the steep steep hill. Had I left my bike in its lowest gear? You bet your sweet bippy I had! Hill schmill.
BIKE
Things started to come a bit unravelled. I had it in my head that I was first Athena (I wasn’t) so I wanted to make them work to pass me! I kept my cadence high up and down the ‘undulating’ course, but I felt as though I was breathing too hard (cos I don’t have a fancypants heart rate monitor like some people, you know who you are Wes) and couldn’t seem to slow it down. Because I didn’t have the sports beans I’d decided to have one bottle of water and one of Gatorade on the bike, but I hadn’t really worked out how much and how often to drink it. I was quite thirsty and a bit worried about not having enough plain water. I confess to feeling a bit discouraged when the other Athena passed me as though I was tied to a tree. ‘Cause that’s how I ride, no use kidding myself. I don’t know if the organisers had a shorter time-limit than normal, but they started the waves in a funny order – elites first, then all the old/slow/fat types, then everyone else. So all day after the swim it was fwoom fwoom fwoom (being passed on the ride) and patter patter patter (passed on the run). I remembered these wise words from the lovely Mary Sunshine
MY EDGE IS MY EDGE.
NOT ANYONE ELSE'S.
IT'S MINE.
For others, my edge may be merely a warmup pace but to me it is MY EDGE--MY BEST--MY CHALLENGE.
so I now actually enjoy watching people pass me in races--I wonder about THEIR edges...but I know that at that moment in time, I'm working MINE.
I repeated those words – my edge is MY edge, and I’m working it - to myself many times during the morning. I didn’t know the course and there were no km markers so I didn’t know how far there was to go, and I didn’t have enough water, and I really started to flag: at one time I kept looking down to see if my brakes were rubbing. They weren’t. I didn’t dare think about the run, my legs were hurting and there seemed a long way to go. Sooky la-la LBTEPA was hovering at my shoulder and I had to keep swatting her away. An angel flashed by just then and said, hey, we’re nearly there! Only 8km to go! She was the first person who’d spoken all day, and I don’t know if it was her encouraging words or what I was sucking down at random out of my drink bottles (see? No plan = Not good!) but I started to feel stronger. All you have to do at this moment is ride your bike, I said to myself, all you have to do is ride your bike. The run is for the run, not now. Just ride your bike. And by and by I was zoooooming back down the steep hill and being shouted at by the dismount officials
TIME 26km 1.05.59 (23.6km/hr - an improvement for me!)
LESSONS
Have a plan about what and when to eat and drink
Study the map so I know roughly how far I’ve travelled
Don’t try and race other people.
Try and stay calm enough to think through things and problem-solve methodically
All you have to do during the bike leg is ride your bike
Riding with aerobars is REALLY FUN.
T2
Run run run. I do not know why I am so slow in T2. I was the fastest in T1, and I’d practiced at home exactly how I would jam my feet into my runners with their swish-o new elastic laces to eliminate all that time-consuming doing-up business. The winning Athena was out in under a minute! She must have flown!
RUN
Straight out of T2 was a set of sand stairs up to the (allegedly flat) run course. I walked up them, and the next 50m or so to the drink stop. I’d been hoping there would be Gatorade at the drink stops (I couldn’t remember) but there wasn’t, so I’d have to bet on having downed enough on the bike to keep me going for the next hour. I stuck to my plan of 9:1 run:walk even though it was tempting to keep going just so that it would be just a little bit longer before the people coming up behind me would pass me. They were going to anyway. My run, no-one else’s. I felt unexpectedly strong once I got started, and I tried to think of a mantra to keep my rhythm going. I came up with “strong and smooth and run run run” (thanks Playschool!). Walk every water station, drink a couple of mouthfuls, tip the rest down my back, strong and smooth and run run run. Morning after morning I’ve practiced hold your form, you can keep this up indefinitely, just relax, so I just slid into those thoughts as the kms clicked over. Often my dear, supportive blog friends popped into my mind. It was nice. Toward the end I was feeling very weary, but ok, looking forward to the next walk minute…and my watch died! That Useless Piece of Unreliable Timex SH*T! Arrrggh!!! Foul-mouthed LBTEPA made a brief but pithy appearance, especially since the last 2km were the ‘undulating’ bit. My “friend” M is dead to me. Her delightful boyfriend G (a speedster triathlete, who later said I must have had a good ride as he'd expected to pass me much earlier!) was walking out to meet her; when he called there's only two more hills til the finish I’d have felled him with a blow but I needed to concentrate. And by and by I was running down the hill and through the chute and I was finished
TIME 56.39 (7.05/km, once again an improvement for me especially since it was 8km)
LESSONS
Practice running up hills!
Staying calm makes everything easier
POST RACE
I cheered M across the line and watched the end of the presentations and then went to get my medal. They tried to tell me the late-finisher results weren’t up yet so they’d post it to me, but it’s amazing how persuasive you can be leaning tiredly and sweatily on a table saying, are you sure? Really? The female 65+ winner was similarly determined, and they couldn’t be rude to an old lady so in the end they caved and coughed up the bling. I wore mine all the way home.
I was expecting 2.35+ so I was really happy with my time. I also learned a lot about racing harder, yet staying within myself. The Olympic distance tri in a month’s time is twice the swim, 14km longer on the bike and 2km longer in the run. This was a good stepping stone.
THE END
*looks around* You still here? Crikey!
More anon, gluttons for punishment!
Sunday, February 03, 2008
3rd out of 4 ain't bad
800m swim 15.59. 26k ride 1.06. 8k run 56.41. Overall 2.23.40The difference between having a pretty good time and an awful time is In Your Mind.
Mucking up your Nutrition Plan isn't The End.
All you need to do when you're riding your bike is ride your bike.
8km is MUCH further than 5km.
If you just keep going, you get there.
Everything is easier with friends by your side - so THANKS.
Race report soon. I'm pretty tired.
More anon, strivers :)
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Nuffin
That's what I have for you, my friends.
It's been a bit of an up-and-down week, nothing too fabulous, nothing too dire except the couple of days of upsetting (being frighteningly reminiscent of those dark days of chronic fatigue) bone-deep weariness and joint pain, which, thankfully, seems to be buggering off whence it came, and good riddance. Tiredness? Low iron? That disgusting germ-factory, sorry, my darling Noddie's latest cold, or her nightmares waking her (and Mummy) up every three hours four nights in a row? Going out of my MIND wondering whether my thesis markers will ever emerge, golem-like, from the department's dark maw and release my precious grade? Who knows, but pummelling it with sleep and vitamin C seems to have done the job. Can you overdose on VitC? There's nothing wrong with glowing in the dark anyway.
My dear friend Act-As-If LBTEPA had to step up and run my life for me this week. She was great, Acting As If I was in a good mood, As If I could give a rat's posterior about exercising, and (really punching above her weight here) As If I am the sort of person who generally eats and drinks in moderation. She did well: I don't hate myself for sinking into gloom, sloth and lardiness. Thanks mate!
Tomorrow I have to get up at half-past stupid o'clock and drive down the coast to sunny Portarlington for a triathlon. 'Cos I've paid for it and I said I would. I'll be treating it as a long, looooooooooooong training day now I have my A Race to focus on. Ooooh don't I sound all hardcore and keen? It's a bit longer than I've done before so it will be interesting to see how it goes (aka oh shit, I'm pretty sure this this is gunna hurt, not thinking about it not thinking about it not thinking about it). I'm not sure how the Nutrition Plan will go seeing as I have mucked up a bit of it already (I'll tell you later). I'm racing with my aero bars on my bike for the first time too. Nervous? Moi?Must go and pack the car now so I can have an early night.
We went to the beach today and had great fun with the waterproof case for the camera
More anon, grinners!
It's been a bit of an up-and-down week, nothing too fabulous, nothing too dire except the couple of days of upsetting (being frighteningly reminiscent of those dark days of chronic fatigue) bone-deep weariness and joint pain, which, thankfully, seems to be buggering off whence it came, and good riddance. Tiredness? Low iron? That disgusting germ-factory, sorry, my darling Noddie's latest cold, or her nightmares waking her (and Mummy) up every three hours four nights in a row? Going out of my MIND wondering whether my thesis markers will ever emerge, golem-like, from the department's dark maw and release my precious grade? Who knows, but pummelling it with sleep and vitamin C seems to have done the job. Can you overdose on VitC? There's nothing wrong with glowing in the dark anyway.
My dear friend Act-As-If LBTEPA had to step up and run my life for me this week. She was great, Acting As If I was in a good mood, As If I could give a rat's posterior about exercising, and (really punching above her weight here) As If I am the sort of person who generally eats and drinks in moderation. She did well: I don't hate myself for sinking into gloom, sloth and lardiness. Thanks mate!
Tomorrow I have to get up at half-past stupid o'clock and drive down the coast to sunny Portarlington for a triathlon. 'Cos I've paid for it and I said I would. I'll be treating it as a long, looooooooooooong training day now I have my A Race to focus on. Ooooh don't I sound all hardcore and keen? It's a bit longer than I've done before so it will be interesting to see how it goes (aka oh shit, I'm pretty sure this this is gunna hurt, not thinking about it not thinking about it not thinking about it). I'm not sure how the Nutrition Plan will go seeing as I have mucked up a bit of it already (I'll tell you later). I'm racing with my aero bars on my bike for the first time too. Nervous? Moi?Must go and pack the car now so I can have an early night.
We went to the beach today and had great fun with the waterproof case for the camera
More anon, grinners!
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
No guts, no glory. No, really.
It’s done. It’s on. I’ve finally decided – after weeks and weeks and weeks of whiny-arse cry-baby lala to-ing and fro-ing, from which, you will be pleased to realise, I have uncharacteristically spared you – that I WILL do the Bairnsdale Olympic Distance Triathlon in March. Yes, the Victorian Olympic Distance Championships. Yes, the one with the Bastard Hill (twice).
panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic
This is despite the following email from the race organiser, responding to my bleating about time cutoffs etc
Don't let that worry you - we don't have a cut off time and last year the legendary Bruce Burston (65-70) came in to hundreds of cheers in 3h25m.
Please Note: If I do anything under 3hr50min I will be leaping about with glee.*
I asked a lot of people whether they thought I should do it, given that I will be SMFL (Stone Motherless Last) by half an hour to a sixty-eight year old. The responses fell into two distinct categories – ARE YOU MAD? (the vast majority) and OF COURSE! WHO CARES IF YOU’RE LAST? IT’S ALL ABOUT HAVING A GO! (the crazily gung-ho). I know, I know, how disgustingly two-faced of me when I’ve ranted and raved about it not mattering how fast or slow you are..…but still..…I fear pain. And hills. Did I mention there are hills?
panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic
Once again the Spousal Unit revealed the key to it all. I quizzed him again** this morning as to whether he thought I should do it.
Well, I wouldn’t do it.
Why not?
I wouldn’t like to come last by half an hour. But you should do it.
Why?
You enjoy that sort of thing.
He’s right, you know.
I do enjoy - that's not quite the right word - facing the unknown; grappling with an idea my mind has somehow fixated on and worrying and worrying at it through the whole process of I can't do that, how can I do that?, I can do that! It’s the reason I ran my first half-marathon, just to see what it would be like. It was awful because I was so under-prepared, but also one of the most fun things I’ve ever done. This Olympic Tri will be really hard; it's the longest distance and time of anything I've ever attempted. It will be a window into what I'm really capable of. There's something satisfying about sucking down that little gulp of fear every time I think about it. Sort of.
panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic
I enjoy doing things that take consistent work over time. Things I have to earn. No-one will know if I skive off my long ride – except me when the Bastard Hill kicks my behind. To be honest, I enjoy being able to do things other people can’t - even if they’re things that other people are too bloody sensible to do! Is being a teeny bit smug really such a bad thing? Don't answer that. I like doing things I feel really proud of. Concentrating for a long time interests me. It’s fun (once again I am sure that's not the right word!) to try and work out what might happen and how I can prepare for it. I can feel a Nutrition Plan coming on! What I really enjoy is having stretch goals that make me feel faintly ill to think about. Is that a bit sick?
panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic
Now I have to work out a training plan with A Lot Of Bike – but enough swimming so I don’t drown in the Bay Swim. So difficult! So complicated! Tell me again, why am I doing this?
It’s the Gatorade tri in Portarlington this weekend. There are four Athenas! Not that I would ever say hahaha I TOLD you people would go in it if it was offered, oh no I would never say that no no no no. Have I run 8km in one go this year? Ummm, that would be once. Eek. Oh well.
More anon, Big Dreamers!
panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic
*Insofar as I am able to given that I will probably DIE.
**He's a patient man
panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic
This is despite the following email from the race organiser, responding to my bleating about time cutoffs etc
Don't let that worry you - we don't have a cut off time and last year the legendary Bruce Burston (65-70) came in to hundreds of cheers in 3h25m.
Please Note: If I do anything under 3hr50min I will be leaping about with glee.*
I asked a lot of people whether they thought I should do it, given that I will be SMFL (Stone Motherless Last) by half an hour to a sixty-eight year old. The responses fell into two distinct categories – ARE YOU MAD? (the vast majority) and OF COURSE! WHO CARES IF YOU’RE LAST? IT’S ALL ABOUT HAVING A GO! (the crazily gung-ho). I know, I know, how disgustingly two-faced of me when I’ve ranted and raved about it not mattering how fast or slow you are..…but still..…I fear pain. And hills. Did I mention there are hills?
panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic
Once again the Spousal Unit revealed the key to it all. I quizzed him again** this morning as to whether he thought I should do it.
Well, I wouldn’t do it.
Why not?
I wouldn’t like to come last by half an hour. But you should do it.
Why?
You enjoy that sort of thing.
He’s right, you know.
I do enjoy - that's not quite the right word - facing the unknown; grappling with an idea my mind has somehow fixated on and worrying and worrying at it through the whole process of I can't do that, how can I do that?, I can do that! It’s the reason I ran my first half-marathon, just to see what it would be like. It was awful because I was so under-prepared, but also one of the most fun things I’ve ever done. This Olympic Tri will be really hard; it's the longest distance and time of anything I've ever attempted. It will be a window into what I'm really capable of. There's something satisfying about sucking down that little gulp of fear every time I think about it. Sort of.
panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic
I enjoy doing things that take consistent work over time. Things I have to earn. No-one will know if I skive off my long ride – except me when the Bastard Hill kicks my behind. To be honest, I enjoy being able to do things other people can’t - even if they’re things that other people are too bloody sensible to do! Is being a teeny bit smug really such a bad thing? Don't answer that. I like doing things I feel really proud of. Concentrating for a long time interests me. It’s fun (once again I am sure that's not the right word!) to try and work out what might happen and how I can prepare for it. I can feel a Nutrition Plan coming on! What I really enjoy is having stretch goals that make me feel faintly ill to think about. Is that a bit sick?
panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic
Now I have to work out a training plan with A Lot Of Bike – but enough swimming so I don’t drown in the Bay Swim. So difficult! So complicated! Tell me again, why am I doing this?
It’s the Gatorade tri in Portarlington this weekend. There are four Athenas! Not that I would ever say hahaha I TOLD you people would go in it if it was offered, oh no I would never say that no no no no. Have I run 8km in one go this year? Ummm, that would be once. Eek. Oh well.
More anon, Big Dreamers!
panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic panic
*Insofar as I am able to given that I will probably DIE.
**He's a patient man
Sunday, January 27, 2008
For we are young and free
Race Report - Williamstown Australia Day swim2km - 41.39
Swim rating - pleased*
What a GORGEOUS day. That's Noddie in the foreground; in the background you can see how unbelieeeeeeeeeeeeeeevably flat it was - I've never done a swim before where you could see all the buoys along the line at the same time! The water was clear, the sky was blue and the sun was shining....so there was no reason for my slightly disappointing time, but it was such a joy to be alive out there I'm really not fussed. My sister was good enough to pop along and take on Noddie-wrangling duties, which was lovely - without her I'd not only have been unable to participate, but I'd have had no hope of erecting or dismantling the @#$%ing @#$%er beach tent.
When I told J I was going to write this race report his response was, what? Run into water; swim; swim more; swim more; finish? That'll be a short post! Now I can't think of anything else to say! Except for the sighting-impaired bloke who zigzagged back-and-forth in front of me for almost the whole way - I swear, if he learned to sight properly he'd have beaten me by miles. As it was, I eventually managed to get a few body lengths ahead of him, yay! Then because it was full low tide we had to run the last 50m through knee-deep water - or rather, being about eleven feet tall he scampered through it like some irritating giraffe while I waded crossly, so I was easily pipped to the line. Bother! Then it was off home to an afternoon of cricket on TV. Life's good, apart from the unfortunate after-effects of the rather strange choice of post-race refreshment - a curry pie. I think all the 1k swimmers took the plain ones. We live and learn.I should put a bit in here about how lucky I feel to live in our fortunate nation. I fervently hope that over the next few years we can regain our standing in the world as a humane and honourable country. Australians all, let us rejoice!
More anon, aquamen!
*32 seconds slower than last year, which I rated as "thrilled". Hmmmm.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Grumpy, or no guts, no glory.
I'm grumpy and I've decided to take it out on you. You may have more fun if you come back tomorrow.
*Beginning of rant*
Over the last few weeks several people have told me they probably won't do (an event) because they'll be 'too slow' or will do a 'bad time'. It seems what they're really saying is that they don't want to join in because they don't think they'll be good enough at it.
Maybe these are just excuses to not do things that they don't want to do? In that case, why not say, well actually I don't want to do that because I'm not interested. Why make up fake reasons?
But what I want to know is this - waddya mean, 'good at'? Waddya mean, 'too slow'? Who said Time A is 'better' than Time B? Where did this come from? When did effort slide down the kudos scale?
We must STAMP OUT this thinking. It sucks the pure animal joy out of moving our bodies. It sucks the joy out of our well-earned triumphs and achievements. This kind of thinking makes us smaller than we are. It's a waste.
Accept that as an 'adult onset' athlete you will never be 'up there'. And unless you make your sport a, or even the, highest priority in your life - and if you really want that, then good on you, I will cheer you as you zoom by - and spend a huge amount of time and effort, and manage yourself really really carefully so you don't get injured, you still won't be 'up there' even if you've kept at your sport all your life. Suck it up.
Then go for real glory.
Have the guts to dream big. Accept your real limitations and responsibilities and still live the biggest life you can. What's tickling the back of your mind that you'd do 'if only'? Find a way.
Glorious.
Have the dedication to say, I know what I need to do - even if that means taking waaaay longer than you'd like - and I am prepared to do it (says she, who blew off yet another 5.30am this morning, sigh...).
Or else say, this isn't what I thought it was, it isn't for me , or it isn't the right time for me to do this.
Take heart and pride in the small daily triumphs over heredity and history and inertia and fear.
Glorious.
Glory is being out there out there in the waves and the dark and the wind and the sun. It's crossing that finish line you weren't really sure you would reach. Glory is in going harder than you thought you could and doing stuff you never imagined.
It's saying, well, that didn't go so well, but I did my best and I'm proud of myself. No-one cares what you look like or your time except you. How freeing is that?
Give those 'not good enough' thoughts the finger. Show up. Have a go. HAVE FUN.
See how good it feels?
*End of rant*
In other news:
Two nights ago I went to check on Noddie becuase she was being unnervingly quiet. She'd rearranged her bedroom furniture.
*Beginning of rant*
Over the last few weeks several people have told me they probably won't do (an event) because they'll be 'too slow' or will do a 'bad time'. It seems what they're really saying is that they don't want to join in because they don't think they'll be good enough at it.
Maybe these are just excuses to not do things that they don't want to do? In that case, why not say, well actually I don't want to do that because I'm not interested. Why make up fake reasons?
But what I want to know is this - waddya mean, 'good at'? Waddya mean, 'too slow'? Who said Time A is 'better' than Time B? Where did this come from? When did effort slide down the kudos scale?
We must STAMP OUT this thinking. It sucks the pure animal joy out of moving our bodies. It sucks the joy out of our well-earned triumphs and achievements. This kind of thinking makes us smaller than we are. It's a waste.
Accept that as an 'adult onset' athlete you will never be 'up there'. And unless you make your sport a, or even the, highest priority in your life - and if you really want that, then good on you, I will cheer you as you zoom by - and spend a huge amount of time and effort, and manage yourself really really carefully so you don't get injured, you still won't be 'up there' even if you've kept at your sport all your life. Suck it up.
Then go for real glory.
Have the guts to dream big. Accept your real limitations and responsibilities and still live the biggest life you can. What's tickling the back of your mind that you'd do 'if only'? Find a way.
Glorious.
Have the dedication to say, I know what I need to do - even if that means taking waaaay longer than you'd like - and I am prepared to do it (says she, who blew off yet another 5.30am this morning, sigh...).
Or else say, this isn't what I thought it was, it isn't for me , or it isn't the right time for me to do this.
Take heart and pride in the small daily triumphs over heredity and history and inertia and fear.
Glorious.
Glory is being out there out there in the waves and the dark and the wind and the sun. It's crossing that finish line you weren't really sure you would reach. Glory is in going harder than you thought you could and doing stuff you never imagined.
It's saying, well, that didn't go so well, but I did my best and I'm proud of myself. No-one cares what you look like or your time except you. How freeing is that?
Give those 'not good enough' thoughts the finger. Show up. Have a go. HAVE FUN.
See how good it feels?
*End of rant*
In other news:
Two nights ago I went to check on Noddie becuase she was being unnervingly quiet. She'd rearranged her bedroom furniture.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Just write something
It seems the longer I put off writing the harder it gets, so today is "drag self by scruff of neck to the puter and have at it" day! Mojo has been quite low this week in all respects - could it be the return of the Bastard Bacterial Infection and Horse Pills knocking me about? - I dunno, and I also don't know why I always blame my own lack of willpower/discipline/character/any redeeming qualities whatsoever when I sleep a lot (and don't train much) BECAUSE I'M SICK. But as we say here at chez LBTEPA after a Noddie-disciplining episode, that's fimished now. I think the main thing is to refrain from self-flagellation and remind myself that, let's be completely honest, my spot on the team for Beijing isn't at stake is it? Last night I was all fired up to spend forty-five minutes on my bike trainer when Noddie went into the tired/hot/a bit peaky four-year-old Complete Meltdown she'd been threatening all day. As Nancy's husband put it so eloquently, our highest duty is as parents: I hopped off the bike and onto Noddies bed to read her into calmness and sleep. The bike can wait.
So what's been happening? Half-past dark starts haven't been happening, so that means training has had to be sqeezed into the day and hasn't been happening as much as I'd like. It's been hot and Noddie has been tired and very difficult and thus AFDs haven't been happening - yes I am quite aware of my dysfunctional stress responses and I'm working on them *oooh, defensive aren't we?*.Luckily I've been reading in a lot of other blogs (another reason I haven't been writing? hmmm?)that other intrepid souls have been struggling mightily with CBB* syndrome. It's all very well to say 'Look at me! Here are my impressive plans!', but another altogether to commit to doing what it takes to make my dreams come true. I can't do it in that fired-up, all guns blazing way that suits many people. Fever pitch doesn't last. I just have to think - and act - myself into a state of mind where this is what I do. I get up early. I exercise regularly. I increase my workouts in accordance with my actual capabilities and don't get injured. I eat sensibly and drink in moderation.
I wear cool shoes
- yes, I have jumped ship from asics to adidas; thus far the relationship seems very promising
and cool gloves
- thanks for the bike shop voucher Mum!
and I run in lovely places
I have to move to my parents' town, I really do...
and I ride up big hills
OK it doesn't look that big from the top but seriously it was HUGE
I remember that all this exercising and racing is a get-to-do, not a have-to-do, and I have fun All The Time.
That's probably enough for today. Cheerio my ducklings!
more anon :)
*Can't Be Bothered
So what's been happening? Half-past dark starts haven't been happening, so that means training has had to be sqeezed into the day and hasn't been happening as much as I'd like. It's been hot and Noddie has been tired and very difficult and thus AFDs haven't been happening - yes I am quite aware of my dysfunctional stress responses and I'm working on them *oooh, defensive aren't we?*.Luckily I've been reading in a lot of other blogs (another reason I haven't been writing? hmmm?)that other intrepid souls have been struggling mightily with CBB* syndrome. It's all very well to say 'Look at me! Here are my impressive plans!', but another altogether to commit to doing what it takes to make my dreams come true. I can't do it in that fired-up, all guns blazing way that suits many people. Fever pitch doesn't last. I just have to think - and act - myself into a state of mind where this is what I do. I get up early. I exercise regularly. I increase my workouts in accordance with my actual capabilities and don't get injured. I eat sensibly and drink in moderation.
I wear cool shoes
- yes, I have jumped ship from asics to adidas; thus far the relationship seems very promisingand cool gloves
- thanks for the bike shop voucher Mum!and I run in lovely places
I have to move to my parents' town, I really do...and I ride up big hills
OK it doesn't look that big from the top but seriously it was HUGEI remember that all this exercising and racing is a get-to-do, not a have-to-do, and I have fun All The Time.
That's probably enough for today. Cheerio my ducklings!
more anon :)
*Can't Be Bothered
Monday, January 14, 2008
Gunna
All through the hoo-ha of my thesis at the end of last year I was looking forward to 2008 as my 'gunna year ' - I'm gunna do this, I'm gunna do that!
No uni! All that lovely lovely uncommitted time! I can get really tired and it won't matter!
Oh, the plans I have made!
Here they are.
Walk Noddie to kinder and be a kinder mum (I gather they cut up oranges and things? Ewww, I hate oranges *makes face* But I'll do it for Noddie). I was able to rearrange my work days so I have Noddie's kinder days off. Thanks boss!
Recreational reading? Sounds like fun! Bring on the trashy crime novels!*
Prune the roses. Our thirty six rose bushes have struggled on gamely the last two years but I keep expecting a handsome prince to ride out with Sleeping Beauty on his pommel.
Clean up the jungle/rubbish tip that the back of our yard and our shed have become while I've been too distracted to stop the Spousal Unit bringing Important Stuff home and leaving it around in huge messy piles arrgghh. I shouldn't go so crook at him when he made jam last night mmmm jam mmmm from the plums the birds didn't get but I'm just a big meany as you know.
Piano lessons. That tall wooden thing in our living room will no longer just be a place to put stuff out of Noddie's reach.
Sewing mmm new clothes mmmm, although since my twenty-two year old Singer died some of the fun has gone out of it - whipping it up on the Toyota doesn't have the same ring to it :(
And the really fun stuff....
26/01 Williamstown Australia Day Swim 2km
03/02 Gatorade Portarlington 800m/26km/8km
17/02 Gatorade Elwood 600m/20km/6km
24/02 Big Bay Swim Williamstown - Port Melbourne 3.4km
01/03 Pier to Perignon Swim Sorrento Portsea 4km. (maybe)
09/03 Victorian Olympic distance championships Bairnsdale 1500/40/10 (maybe)
30/03 Gatorade St Kilda 750m/20km/5km
11/05 Mothers' Day Run 8km
22/06 Run to the G Half Marathon (maybe)
06/07 Gold Coast Marathon. My very first shot at the Big One!
11/10 Melbourne Half Marathon. I WILL run around the G!
19/10 Bay in a Day Ride 210 km
.......who knows what else?
I can't wait.
More anon, big dreamers!
*how many exclamation marks can I use? Lots!!
No uni! All that lovely lovely uncommitted time! I can get really tired and it won't matter!
Oh, the plans I have made!
Here they are.
Walk Noddie to kinder and be a kinder mum (I gather they cut up oranges and things? Ewww, I hate oranges *makes face* But I'll do it for Noddie). I was able to rearrange my work days so I have Noddie's kinder days off. Thanks boss!
Recreational reading? Sounds like fun! Bring on the trashy crime novels!*
Prune the roses. Our thirty six rose bushes have struggled on gamely the last two years but I keep expecting a handsome prince to ride out with Sleeping Beauty on his pommel.
Clean up the jungle/rubbish tip that the back of our yard and our shed have become while I've been too distracted to stop the Spousal Unit bringing Important Stuff home and leaving it around in huge messy piles arrgghh. I shouldn't go so crook at him when he made jam last night mmmm jam mmmm from the plums the birds didn't get but I'm just a big meany as you know.
Piano lessons. That tall wooden thing in our living room will no longer just be a place to put stuff out of Noddie's reach.
Sewing mmm new clothes mmmm, although since my twenty-two year old Singer died some of the fun has gone out of it - whipping it up on the Toyota doesn't have the same ring to it :(
And the really fun stuff....
26/01 Williamstown Australia Day Swim 2km
03/02 Gatorade Portarlington 800m/26km/8km
17/02 Gatorade Elwood 600m/20km/6km
24/02 Big Bay Swim Williamstown - Port Melbourne 3.4km
01/03 Pier to Perignon Swim Sorrento Portsea 4km. (maybe)
09/03 Victorian Olympic distance championships Bairnsdale 1500/40/10 (maybe)
30/03 Gatorade St Kilda 750m/20km/5km
11/05 Mothers' Day Run 8km
22/06 Run to the G Half Marathon (maybe)
06/07 Gold Coast Marathon. My very first shot at the Big One!
11/10 Melbourne Half Marathon. I WILL run around the G!
19/10 Bay in a Day Ride 210 km
.......who knows what else?
I can't wait.
More anon, big dreamers!
*how many exclamation marks can I use? Lots!!
Friday, January 11, 2008
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Closure
A very experienced triathlete said to me recently that we should think of what hills are doing for us, not what they are doing to us. I think this is a wise perspective and one I adopt whenever possible. Not when I'm actually riding up a hill, as I'm too busy swearing. But still. The Scary Bastard Hill makes me queasy with anxiety no more. More and more pissed off as it goes on and on and on, yes. Panting and red-faced with hurting legs, yes. Triumphant at the top, yes! Hill schmill. Bring it on! The arrow at the top of the elevation chart is where I stopped and turned back - twenty minutes up, ten minutes down, wheeeeee!I had a moment of closure yesterday. I finished the run around the river trail that I started last Easter and abandoned when I tripped and snapped my ankle ligament.
I'm sorry I haven't posted much lately. I am so deep in holiday lassitude it's all I can do to get my Mum another cup of tea.
More anon, cruisers!
Friday, January 04, 2008
going to the country
So there I was all primed and bursting with enthusiasm and a New Plan (ooooh! a New Plan!) when POW! I was struck down with a stupid germy infection and have spent the last two days wobbling feebly about, bleating I'm sick in plaintive tones, and lying down in my room with the door shut while J took over arsenic hour (approx 5.30 - 8pm, for the edification of the child-free) parenting duties, mwahahaha. It was almost worth it.
Thanks to the miracles of modern horse-pills I am feeling much better today. I fished out a Pilates dvd that I bought at the supermarket ages ago - hey, Lisa McCune said I had to! who am I to ignore such wholesomeness? - and had an unco go at it. Noddie thought it was great fun and is insisting we take the dvd to Gran's tomorrow. Yes! We are off to my parents' for a week! The Spousal Unit is driving us up tomorrow and we are going to the races on Sunday - bring on the big hat, baby! - then he is going home in the evening and rejoining us next Friday for my Dad's 70th birthday. Poor J (he'd have had a better chance of getting holidays if he'd actually asked for some; my sympathy is limited cause I'm a big meany). We led an expedition of survival-trained SAS to the sleepout - also known as Mother's Despair or J's Black Hole O'Shite - and extracted the bike carrier so Minerva will be coming too! There's a tri I really kind of sort of have no idea why I want to do in March, which has a hill I really want to have conquered before I commit myself (to being DFL. In the Victorian Triathlon Chanpionships. Maybe I should just have myself committed). I Fear this hill. Driving up it makes me anxious. I WILL ride up it this week.
More anon, shake-n-bakers!
Thanks to the miracles of modern horse-pills I am feeling much better today. I fished out a Pilates dvd that I bought at the supermarket ages ago - hey, Lisa McCune said I had to! who am I to ignore such wholesomeness? - and had an unco go at it. Noddie thought it was great fun and is insisting we take the dvd to Gran's tomorrow. Yes! We are off to my parents' for a week! The Spousal Unit is driving us up tomorrow and we are going to the races on Sunday - bring on the big hat, baby! - then he is going home in the evening and rejoining us next Friday for my Dad's 70th birthday. Poor J (he'd have had a better chance of getting holidays if he'd actually asked for some; my sympathy is limited cause I'm a big meany). We led an expedition of survival-trained SAS to the sleepout - also known as Mother's Despair or J's Black Hole O'Shite - and extracted the bike carrier so Minerva will be coming too! There's a tri I really kind of sort of have no idea why I want to do in March, which has a hill I really want to have conquered before I commit myself (to being DFL. In the Victorian Triathlon Chanpionships. Maybe I should just have myself committed). I Fear this hill. Driving up it makes me anxious. I WILL ride up it this week.
More anon, shake-n-bakers!
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