September - epic fail

I can't really say I've been 'fixing my life' or 'doing everything better' this month. It's all fallen in a rather unimpressive heap, to be honest. But there you go. Part of the road back is learning to maintain focus when life gets noisy.  There's still a bit of September to go. Cede nullis is my motto! Yield to none!

More anon, dogfighters!

Sunday by the river

I was a teeny bit disappointed to note on gmap pedometer that my 10k walk was actually 9.3k, but still, I did it about 15min faster than two weeks ago!!!, including a substantial loo break and the effects of a few injudicious sherbies while watching Pirates of the Caribbean last night.

 I let the 1p0d set the pace, adding 30s run at the end of each song - but get this! I ran non-stop for two full songs at the end! More than six minutes! By mistake this was, I thought I was closer to the car than I actually was, but once I'd got started I wasn't stopping, no no no no no no. It's a long time since I've had the nerve (or the wind) to do that. Woot!
More anon, treasure hunters!

how it will always be

Alas it has not been a quiet week at Lake LBTEPA. Last week my dad was rushed to hospital with an episode of delirium (still there, home tomorrow probably), which has led to the discovery of some clear indications of ongoing extremely poor judgment, so Mum and I have been catapulted pell-mell into the world of daily morning doctor chases, arguments with bitch-faced bank tellers, and the daunting organising of post-acute care arrangements, carer's allowances, support services, and powers-of-attorney.
All close enough to sorted now so I think Mum will be ok.
However - see, I do get to the point eventually! - I was thinking that I wish I could get a clear run with no dramas so I can really bed down my eating and exercise habits. They're hanging in there with only a few wobbles, I'm happy to say, but not as consistently as I would ideally like.
*sad face*
Then it occurred to me that THIS IS HOW IT WILL ALWAYS BE. LIFE HAS DRAMAS. Exercise and good eating can't only happen when things are going well!!!!  Just writing that makes me want to smack myself upside of the head. How freakin' obvious. LBTEPA you are an idiot.
Oh well.
I think I have to do with a bit less sleep. I'm tending to wake very early in a bit of a worrywash, then doze and tell myself I'll get up when J gets up at 6, whereupon I fall so deeply asleep that I don't hear him go and don't wake until it's time to get into the business of the day. I think I'm going to have to get up at 6 no matter what. The thing that is working is the meal planning - I write a list of what we're going to eat, and then a shopping list, so when I get home the Spousal Unit has been able to make an approximation of what I'd like, rather than his default fried-with-cheese. Oh the conflicts this weekend half-hour has prevented! Project '4 alcohol-free-days or pay up' is also working well. So that's actually some quite some big changes I'm maintaining. Go me. But it is the LBTEPA way to Aim High, so there will be no resting on these minor laurels.
What are your 'get it done' practices? What works for you so exercise and self-care is embedded in your life?

Happy

Today was d-day as to whether my feet are recovered enough to deal with the extra distance training for the Melbourne half-marathon in October. I walked 10km at 'not comfortable' pace along the river, and it went very well. Very very well! No plantar fascia pain, no achilles niggles, nothing! I am so happy I cannot describe it to you.

I have a great life, and I try to be a cheerful person as a rule - stop laughing! - but this is one of the happiest days I've had this whole year.
More anon, jig-dancers!

A brilliant idea

Hi All! Are you loving the Olympics? Here at Chateau LBTEPA it's All Sport, All The Time right now, and as one having the odd bout of insomnia lately, it's even better as I can watch the 'unexciting' morning events, like the rowing heats, that don't make the highlights packages!
But I digress. I had a brilliant idea last week! I've shared it with the fam and the cheer squad, who have approved of it heartily. As you know, your heroine is (ahem) a little bit prone to excessive permission language when it comes to wine. In short, too many excuses too often. So I have stated publicly that if I have fewer than 3 alcohol-free days each week for the next month, I will donate $150 to either M1chelle Br1dges aka fat-shaming, evidence-free, B1ggest Loser 'coach', or the Minister for Immigration, who, if there is any justice whatsoever in the universe, will rot in hell for his vicious crimes against refugees seeking safety in our country. A bit of an incentive, what? I can see myself building on it as weeks go by....if I don't get up early or skip too many workouts, I have to cough up....but for now I'll stick with loathing as an encouragement to abstinence.
In other news, Noddie taught me an excruciating adductor stretch which appears to have fixed my plantar fascia!!!!! I'm cautiously optimistic, which is much better than forced hopefulness.
I'm also crushing on the rowing machine at the gym. I'm so fickle.

Sorry to be disloyal to the Aussie competitor but I saw this bloke row this morning he is a god.

More anon, salivators cheer squaddies!

this week's motto

Slipping

A week of a lurking cold, far more client hours than normal, low mood, cold weather, niggly foot - this is VERY upsetting and I MUST sort out some strategies for dealing with my emotional responses to it - have produced some Unhelpful Thoughts in the LBTEPA noggin. Along the lines of, I'm tired and gloomy, another day off won't hurt, I slept badly, yes I will have that wine thanks. It's not just me has weeks like this? Well, Captain Picard put it best!

I'll be spinning or walking tonight. Bugger the wind. Everyone goes off track. The trick is noticing, sooner and sooner, and veering back.
More anon, astrolabers!

5, 4, 4, 2,1, 0

5 catch ups with friends
4 walks
4 alcohol-free days

2 bike trainer workouts aka victories of character over sloth

1 not home-cooked dinner
0 swims epic fail must do better
Kms of skirting board painted - 10000 why are there SIX doors leading off the corridor, WHY?
Plantar fascia - niggly and a constant worry but stable and tolerating very slow loading
Mood - good

More anon, sunny-side uppers!

Pressing on

Home again, jiggety jig.
Shaken but not stirred, our heroine is sleeping better and not so jumpy. I need a badge: 'does not cope well with conflict'.
I'm loving just swimming again - the fact that I can now go to the pool without dreading it is hereby noted as the first triumph of the 2016-17 financial year! Mind you, I pick my times very carefully, but that's how things Get Done, no? There's an open water swim in September I have my eye on.
This morning there was quite a funny battle between hurry up get your shoes on you've only just got time for your walk and I'll just do some Important Things so I don't have time then be mad at myself. The washing is still blocking the laundry door; the walk was good :)
I've been reflecting on my Top Secret Big Scary Goals, and reminding myself that playing the odds is the only way - if I keep working, I have a chance at success, however small. If I listen to the BS in my head and keep putting things off, then I have no chance. Things will stay the same. Ewww.

More anon, glorious leaders!

and a partridge in a pear tree...

On the sixth day of the 'holidays'*, Bendigo gave to me
two eisteddfodau
four brisk walks
one swim workout
dai-ly stretching
no stress eating!!
(sadly, angry drinking)
six days of wrangling dancers
fifteen solos
three duo performances
(while the other mum sat watching)
one day of being attacked by the other mum for upsetting her kid by 'being too controlling' (you have to sing this one pretty fast)
one massive row
one dummy spit
(see 'angry drinking') 
one abrupt departure
one kid to manage!
so much lovely dancing
...and lots and LO-OTS of bling

I am so happy for Noddie. A huge amount of hard work went into these :)
More anon, (ahem) 'holidaymakers'*

*This post's other name is 'what I did on my (ahem) 'week off'.

Friends

I realised the other day that I was seeing missed workouts as failures rather than completed workouts as successes. No wonder it's been hard!
But I've solved the problem! I've found myself a peer group! A mutual cheer squad! A struggling, knocked-around-by-life,  cheerful, indomitable little band with Big Dreams and hope in our hearts!
D is an old school friend I've kept very loosely in touch with. While his wife was dying of brain cancer he coped with food and beer and tv. Now he's picking himself up and starting The Man Challenge! Go Dazza go! The other person is my dear friend the Might Emma. She has so often picked me up and given me a shove in the right direction; I would absolutely not have finished my last half marathon without her by my side. Now it's my turn! Go Emma go! I'm so excited!

 

More anon, strivers!

Of course!

Rescue Remedy! Coming soon to a swimming bag near you - or to be precise, near me!
I don't know what's in these little gems, unicorn sweat probably, or rare endangered herbs gathered at midnight on the solstice by unwashed wearers of dreadlock-and tie-dye. Ewww. But they got me through three eisteddfodau in a week last year; Noddie, although she may not realise it, is still alive to tell the tale becuase of them and their little yellow friend the spray. Surely they will help with pool-related freak-outs.
Off to the chemist now, to stock up then splash down!

 More anon, aquamen!

The next big thing

A very strange and unhelpful thing has been happening lately. When I get to the pool, and almost every lane is occupied by some 'person' (extended defamatory description deleted) who is swimming or walking up and down the centre or one side of the lane, I start to feel extraordinarily upset. I become extremely angry, helplessly overwhelmed, and even teary. I've spoken very rudely to someone, snarled at a poolie and then cried on the car. What on earth can be going on? Is it symbolic of my perception of this long and stony path back to fitness as overwhelming? FFS. I dunno. I don't really care. Whatever it is, I'm giving it too much energy. I need to shift my focus.
So: this next few weeks' challenge.
Go to the pool three times a week.
Feel the feelings. Let them be there.
Swim.

I love swimming!

Do I need to enter a race? I think I do.
More anon, cogitators!

cautiously optimistic

+

 

+ 

+

 

 =

(I hope....)

More anon, bouncers!

PS NOT my actual bike

well butter me on both sides

First up, MASSIVE congrats to the mighty Tea for a monster PB at her half ironman yesterday!! She is an example of excellence and grit to which we can all aspire.
Secondly, I gave up listening to the advice I'd been given about my sad sore foot - after three months,  I'm persistent, no? - and had a chat with Dr G00gle. Now after 2 days of following that advice, I'm better! There is very little soreness in the morning, and no pain after walking. I'm still swinging between cursing myself for not being more proactive - for buying the you're too fat' story, in essence, and wasting weeks on end - and somewhat hesitant joy. Who'd have thought a superball could change everything?
 Anyway we have to make a mad dash to the Big Smoke today for a medical appointment and I'm also feeling quite sombre after the dreadful events in Orlando so I'll leave it there. I'm going for a walk.

Reframing

Since I have decided to think of the stupid rude entitled PITAs who appear unable to comprehend the 'keep to the left' signs (with handy arrows for the literacy-challenged) at the pool, and who think that staying on one side (as opposed to swimming up and down the middle of the lane) is 'sharing',  as escapees from a sheltered workshop who sadly lack funding for permanent carers, I feel a lot better about going to the pool. I try to go at times when there is at least one lane which either has a normal cooperative thoughtful polite person in it or is empty. These times are sadly few but I am dauntless.

More anon, splashers!

This week in song!

A Big Day

As my five faithful readers are aware, LBTEPA has been known to give the Demon Drink a bit of a nudge.
Over the last two or three years, what with the endless ride on the injury roundabout, my poor Spousal Unit's Mum dying of leukaemia, him being bullied out of his job, and then his Dad dying as well, it's been more of a jolly good shove than a nudge. My name is LBTEPA and I am a stress drinker.
People do this stuff. If you don't, good luck to you. I bet you know someone who does. I'm not defending myself, or asking for approval, sympathy or advice either. But....
A month ago I felt strong enough, supported enough, recovered enough to make a Big Change.
Since this time last month I have had 15 alcohol-free days. This is A Really Big Thing for me. I'm REALLY happy and proud of myself.

I have no intention of going back to daily sherbies. It's getting easier and easier. Can I have a WOOT!! please??










More anon, firecrackers!

3am vs 7am

3am this foot injury has broken me. I give up. I have another cold. I can never get a run of consistent exercise going. This is never going to work. I am stuck in this fat broken hell forever.
3.15 No, I'll get up when the Spousal Unit leaves and do a bike session. Yes, that's what I'll do. Zzzzzzz....
6.59am bugger bugger bugger I meant to get up when the Spousal Unit left now I won't have time to do my whole workout and I still feel sick too.
7am No no no no no I have time Noddie can organise herself now and I AM NOT STAYING IN THIS FAT BROKEN HELL FOREVER get on your bike LBTEPA 20 minutes will do you can manage that. Crank up Eddie Izzard on the ewetube!
7.30am (sweating)
thanks Eddie!

More anon, stumblers!

dreaming big

I've been watching Desert Runners while I've been doing my bike workouts. Have you seen it? It's brilliant. These people are so determined. I'm inspired by them. I love a big dream, a big crazy dream, and watching these brave souls push and push and push until they either finish or can go on no longer just does something to my heart.

More anon, soldierers-on!