Friends

I realised the other day that I was seeing missed workouts as failures rather than completed workouts as successes. No wonder it's been hard!
But I've solved the problem! I've found myself a peer group! A mutual cheer squad! A struggling, knocked-around-by-life,  cheerful, indomitable little band with Big Dreams and hope in our hearts!
D is an old school friend I've kept very loosely in touch with. While his wife was dying of brain cancer he coped with food and beer and tv. Now he's picking himself up and starting The Man Challenge! Go Dazza go! The other person is my dear friend the Might Emma. She has so often picked me up and given me a shove in the right direction; I would absolutely not have finished my last half marathon without her by my side. Now it's my turn! Go Emma go! I'm so excited!

 

More anon, strivers!

Of course!

Rescue Remedy! Coming soon to a swimming bag near you - or to be precise, near me!
I don't know what's in these little gems, unicorn sweat probably, or rare endangered herbs gathered at midnight on the solstice by unwashed wearers of dreadlock-and tie-dye. Ewww. But they got me through three eisteddfodau in a week last year; Noddie, although she may not realise it, is still alive to tell the tale becuase of them and their little yellow friend the spray. Surely they will help with pool-related freak-outs.
Off to the chemist now, to stock up then splash down!

 More anon, aquamen!

The next big thing

A very strange and unhelpful thing has been happening lately. When I get to the pool, and almost every lane is occupied by some 'person' (extended defamatory description deleted) who is swimming or walking up and down the centre or one side of the lane, I start to feel extraordinarily upset. I become extremely angry, helplessly overwhelmed, and even teary. I've spoken very rudely to someone, snarled at a poolie and then cried on the car. What on earth can be going on? Is it symbolic of my perception of this long and stony path back to fitness as overwhelming? FFS. I dunno. I don't really care. Whatever it is, I'm giving it too much energy. I need to shift my focus.
So: this next few weeks' challenge.
Go to the pool three times a week.
Feel the feelings. Let them be there.
Swim.

I love swimming!

Do I need to enter a race? I think I do.
More anon, cogitators!

cautiously optimistic

+

 

+ 

+

 

 =

(I hope....)

More anon, bouncers!

PS NOT my actual bike

well butter me on both sides

First up, MASSIVE congrats to the mighty Tea for a monster PB at her half ironman yesterday!! She is an example of excellence and grit to which we can all aspire.
Secondly, I gave up listening to the advice I'd been given about my sad sore foot - after three months,  I'm persistent, no? - and had a chat with Dr G00gle. Now after 2 days of following that advice, I'm better! There is very little soreness in the morning, and no pain after walking. I'm still swinging between cursing myself for not being more proactive - for buying the you're too fat' story, in essence, and wasting weeks on end - and somewhat hesitant joy. Who'd have thought a superball could change everything?
 Anyway we have to make a mad dash to the Big Smoke today for a medical appointment and I'm also feeling quite sombre after the dreadful events in Orlando so I'll leave it there. I'm going for a walk.

Reframing

Since I have decided to think of the stupid rude entitled PITAs who appear unable to comprehend the 'keep to the left' signs (with handy arrows for the literacy-challenged) at the pool, and who think that staying on one side (as opposed to swimming up and down the middle of the lane) is 'sharing',  as escapees from a sheltered workshop who sadly lack funding for permanent carers, I feel a lot better about going to the pool. I try to go at times when there is at least one lane which either has a normal cooperative thoughtful polite person in it or is empty. These times are sadly few but I am dauntless.

More anon, splashers!

This week in song!

A Big Day

As my five faithful readers are aware, LBTEPA has been known to give the Demon Drink a bit of a nudge.
Over the last two or three years, what with the endless ride on the injury roundabout, my poor Spousal Unit's Mum dying of leukaemia, him being bullied out of his job, and then his Dad dying as well, it's been more of a jolly good shove than a nudge. My name is LBTEPA and I am a stress drinker.
People do this stuff. If you don't, good luck to you. I bet you know someone who does. I'm not defending myself, or asking for approval, sympathy or advice either. But....
A month ago I felt strong enough, supported enough, recovered enough to make a Big Change.
Since this time last month I have had 15 alcohol-free days. This is A Really Big Thing for me. I'm REALLY happy and proud of myself.

I have no intention of going back to daily sherbies. It's getting easier and easier. Can I have a WOOT!! please??










More anon, firecrackers!

3am vs 7am

3am this foot injury has broken me. I give up. I have another cold. I can never get a run of consistent exercise going. This is never going to work. I am stuck in this fat broken hell forever.
3.15 No, I'll get up when the Spousal Unit leaves and do a bike session. Yes, that's what I'll do. Zzzzzzz....
6.59am bugger bugger bugger I meant to get up when the Spousal Unit left now I won't have time to do my whole workout and I still feel sick too.
7am No no no no no I have time Noddie can organise herself now and I AM NOT STAYING IN THIS FAT BROKEN HELL FOREVER get on your bike LBTEPA 20 minutes will do you can manage that. Crank up Eddie Izzard on the ewetube!
7.30am (sweating)
thanks Eddie!

More anon, stumblers!

dreaming big

I've been watching Desert Runners while I've been doing my bike workouts. Have you seen it? It's brilliant. These people are so determined. I'm inspired by them. I love a big dream, a big crazy dream, and watching these brave souls push and push and push until they either finish or can go on no longer just does something to my heart.

More anon, soldierers-on!

a run

...not the very best sort, where your feet are strong enough to pound the footpath for happy ages while you work up a righteous sweat...
...but another very good sort

the Spousal Unit is a very Good Sort

... a run of sustained exercise for several weeks, with no disastrous, disorganised or dispirited 're-starts'. Yay! The 'key' (which may only be 'the key' at this moment, who knows?) appears to be making the basic units of working out as accessible and repeatable as possible, eg cardio = bike (set up in study) or rowing machine (5 minutes away at the gym), and weights (ditto). Anything else at the moment is jam.

 

 Mmmm jam...

Starting from where I actually am is evidently quite a good idea. Who knew?

More anon, crumpets!

I forgot

...to cancel my gym membership!
The gym has a) music videos which are not exclusively millenial soft-porn doof doof and

b) several rowing machines! I like rowing machines, as long as you don't tell me I have to go faster every time I use one (hello upsetting failure and subsequent avoidance, my old friends!). More to the point, my stupid plantar fascia might like rowing machines. Cardio that doesn't aggravate my foot that is a) somewhere other than my house b) around other people and c) not my bike on the trainer would add to the quality of my life no end, ahem hashtagfirstworldproblems.
I'll keep you posted!
More anon, homing pigeons!

My goal is to post every week

Not much to say here at Chateau LBTEPA, so it's motivational image time again...I know, I know...I'm bored too...but it's just gone FIVE EFFING YEARS since I broke my ankle (just over four since it was reconstructed) and I can either a) give up and settle meekly into flabby middle age, or b) keep punching on no matter how incomprehensible 'success' might seem. Let me think....

More anon, sweaters!

For your viewing pleasure

I love this.
Not much to report this week. Our heroine continues plugging away at Stuff here at Chateau LBTEPA. Drawers are getting cleaned, exercises are getting done, mindless face-stuffing is getting not-done. Long-held assumptions about how much I need to eat to keep going are being questioned. My foot is on the mend, too!! Yay!
In other news, it's eisteddfod season again, which I wasn't very good at last year. I'm getting through it much better this time. Life's all about learning, isn't it?

I have to say, I am impressed and inspired at how brave these kids are. I think a lot about how to be a better parent, and it is painful to watch them walk out there in front of everyone and muck it up and 'fail', and be disappointed, especially when they work so hard. What I'm learning is to let Noddie walk her own path. When I don't 'protect' her, she works out her own way to manage (hello Captain Obvious!).... She's good at it!  She's not crushed by a non-linear relationship between effort and reward.
I always tell her that winning happens when the competitor takes the first step onto the stage. To me, that's winning. When you do the work, and show up, and have a crack. We might not get the result we want, but every single one of us who does those things is winning. Maybe I mean succeeding. I dunno, it's been a long week, with far too many false eyelashes and sequins involved.
More anon, pothunters!

Hungry?

The magnificent Cilla has asked a very good question - am I hungry? Bless her.

Yes. No. Sometimes. How would I know? Can I ring a friend?
I know why I eat when I'm not hungry (see 'Boring Whiny Shit/Why No One Reads This Blog') and I'm finally starting to set up new behaviours to make it less likely. Operation 'smaller portions/less cheese' is going well!
So is Operation Gumby. Stretching with Noddie the dancer is fun!

Daunting, but fun.
More anon, claymations!

Danger zone

Hi Blog
I'm thinking, thinking, always thinking...

and the 'danger zone' is after work, before tea. 'Cause I'll eat my tea anyway. That is another whole box of stuff to work on. Later.
Plans for this: ????listen to a meditation before I leave work. Objection - noooo not another 10 minutes when I could be at home! Counter-argument: let's give it a try and see what happens!
Absolute veto on eating between work and home. It's only a few minutes. Can do.
Talk to the Spousal Unit about a) less cheese and b) smaller portions. These have in the past been foreign and distasteful notions to him but he is noticeably trying to be more supportive lately so I shall stiffen the sinews and discuss it.
While I'm brainstorming, I will get some rescue remedy - that stuff is the bee's roller skates. I'll need it for next week's eisteddfod aaaarrrrrggggghhhhhhhhh........... and I reckon it might be good to use it more at/after work.
This is so effing boring that I want to bang my head against the wall.  But then so is being too heavy for my feet. Buy shares in strapping tape, people! Time to, as I have mentioned, harden up and do this.
More anon, contemplators!

Sleep, baby, sleep

HI Blog!
Conclusions/thoughts of the week:
I've been sleeping badly (reasons, reasons) and choosing to sacrifice exercise for sleep, as I 'have to be ok for work'. I might re-think this. I do need sleep but not exercising makes me sad. I'm sure there's an answer.
This weekend I was zen as billy-oh, 'detaching from a single preferred outcome' - such as actually 'getting time' on a weekend to do something I want, like paint the skirting boards or, oh, maybe go for a swim - like an absolute champ. This meant I was less angry, which might in future lead to more energy to problem solve about how I can reorganise things to prioritise my needs. One can only hope.
On that note, I am disproportionately proud to announce that THE STUDY IS CLEAN! It was chockers with  my late father-in-law's paperwork all in messy piles, and had to be properly looked at and sorted not set fire to as was my frequent wish. Now it's done! So I can set up my road bike on the trainer, and my Kona re-runs, and sweat happily away again. I ran into my physio at the pub, as you do, and she hath decreed that the plantar fascia shall not be subjected to walking, nor cycling unless in a rigid shoe. I'll buy some, becuase I like riding outside on the hybrid. It just then occurred to me to ask myself, why don't I want to ride the road bike outside in the dark mornings? It has lights.... hmmm. It's probably adjacent to 'why don't I want to go to the pool?' Answer = REQUIRES ORGANISATION which needs energy that I don't believe I have! But I do! This can be done, I just have to do it. Also see 'detaching from desired outcomes'.
People have accused me of over thinking things..............................
It's a worry how distant the 'I exercise becuase it's who I am' mindset has become. Maybe I should make myself a chart? That always used to work.

More anon, star-stickers!

Forget about the mountain

I've been watching the 2015 NBC Kona Ironman world championships in little chunks, as breaks form attempting to render our study habitable. Do not get me started OMFG what a saga. But I digress. Kona 2015 has provided my motto for the current somewhat trying circumstances. A bloke who did the race with a donor heart uttered the following wise words 
FORGET ABOUT THE MOUNTAIN YOU HAVE TO CLIMB. 

FOCUS ON THE NEXT STEP YOU HAVE TO TAKE

Thanks, Kona bloke! You've shown me what to do!

More anon, tiptoers!

*edit* AND THEN this article ablout how 'the obstacle is the way'

POPPED UP IN MY FEED! Spooky......

pf

Hi Blog!
Just when w thought it was all going splendidly, life lobs us a reality check. I love working up a glow on the trail, but at present it doesn't love me. Both heels are complaining bitterly. This feels like the beginnings of plantar fasciitis, with which, as you may recall, I have had dealings before. Messing abut with this bodes only ill. Hence I have withdrawn from Run Melbourne.
This is so ****ing boringly repetitive I want to bang my head on the wall.
It looks as though I am going to have to really focus on losing weight, in order to get as fit again as I want to. No sneaking around it. Bleah.

More anon, nibblers!

Lightbulb

What was I THINKING? I LOVE this!

More anon, trailblazers!