Now the plan is this...

Yes two posts in a day you lucky ducks, but I really cannot leave that load of 'please feel sorry for me' shite dangling out there. I actually just popped back to delete it for the second time but the lovely Jadey, Sue and Celeste had already been kind enough to comment so I couldn't wipe it out again!

So: I have a lot to do and am feeling overwhelmed, especially by the uni stuff. I also have to redraw my exercise goals and plans for the winter a tad, which I tend to make a big deal of - boohoohoo, eh?

Now the plan is this:
Stop whining!
Keep journalling my food. Whatever I shove into my gob gets written down. (a thought: savour and enjoy food rather than shoving it into my gob? Hmmm)
No more whingeing!
Do all my prescribed stretches, every day. Be thankful for them.
Lose the complaining!
Count my blessings and deliberately notice things to be happy about.
Enough of the bleating!
Weigh myself daily to keep an eye on things.
Banish my sooky la-la twin forever!
Do something off my must-do-or-the-soft-boiled-eggs-will-hit-the-fan list every day.
Give up grizzling!
Appreciate my friends.

What I might also do is come up with a list like Jadey's, of things I'd like to do!
Did I tell you my new hobby? If I see a woman whose outfit I really admire, I go up and tell her I think she looks great, smile, then walk away! It's fun :)

Today I am happy about having a coffee date with the Spousal Unit before he went to work.

More anon!

Crestfallen

It seems that in my enthusiasm I have overdone things to the extent that my feet, shins, achilles tendons and knees have banded together to plot a rebellion and Save The World. Luckily they Have Spoken in time to prevent serious damage.
My magic men (my podiatrist and my physio, who did you think I meant? Sheesh, you people...) have ordered complicated and painful stretching, icing (with frozen water, not the good kind on cake) and no running or cycling until next Wednesday. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
No triathlon for me next weekend. We will decide about the Run for the Kids next week. Medium-term prognosis: complete recovery. Long-term plan: gradually increase cycling kms over the winter.
Not helping is the fact that I have been feeling almost paralysed with apathy lately. Tax-type stuff needs doing, Uni stuff is screaming for attention and I will soon get into serious trouble if I don't do it, my bathroom and floors are putrid...and here I sit eating rice crackers, and blogging. Better than systematically scoffing all the carbs in the house like I did yesterday, I suppose.

More anon, searchers-for-inspiration.

I am not a crock, I am a human being

This week I am a crock, I tell you, a complete crock. My knees ache intermittently, the soles of my feet hurt almost all the time, my right arch hurts like #$%* when I run....I am seeing Chris the magician podiatrist on Thursday, and taking inspiration from Katy, Jeanne and Duane who are managing really serious injuries and medical conditions with good humour and self-control. They aren't sinking to the floor in a catastrophising heap of woe, or bleating mightily while considering self-medication by chardonnay. How do they do this? I have no idea. I just wanna be like them

(I don't know why YouTube wouldn't let me sign up and play this).

More anon, groovers

Clunk!

I was driving the long straight road between Sale and Bairnsdale en route to my parents', just thinking about things, when the penny dropped so audibly I literally laughed out loud:
At my age and current fitness I cannot aggressively build up my running kms and my cycling base at the same time.
Thank goodness this notion penetrated my naive noggin before I bull-headed myself into a chronic injury.
A comment from the lovely Beck about my schedule collided in my mind with a line from John Bingham's Marathoning for Mortals - reaching for the stars is fine until your arms get tired. My exercise schedule at the moment is not right for me because it is not failure-proof. Every week I 'aim' for six sessions - and never get there. I never 'succeed'. When I write the bloody thing, that's just silly! Henceforth, five sessions are the ideal - then if I do get six in then I will be a f%&*ing superhero instead of just a legend LOL ROFL.
But....
With the acknowledgement that I am not immortal comes the necessity of choosing between sacrificing the winter to Minerva for the sake of a less-tragic bike leg in next summer's triathlons, or the original plan of three half-marathons....(and more bling)....hmmmmmmmmm....
No hurry to decide though. That's good.
The main thing is that I am sucking up the impatience and the frustration and being humble enough about my capabilities - while being fairly arrogant in my goals -to not injure myself. I am LBTEPA, hear me roar!
In other news, project "get away from The Number!" is going quite well. I am growing quite fond of my little yellow food notebook, symbolising as it does my aim of eating for fuel first, pleasure second - and numbness, never.
Don't ask about AFDs as I will have to lie and make excuses and you don't want that. Let's just talk about the lovely run around the river track I had this morning. It's so pretty, we must move here.
Now I am off to loll on the verandah and watch Noddie chase Mum's dogs around the yard.
More anon, groovers

Captain Obvious

A quiz: should LBTEPA
a) send a huge "THANK YOU! THANK YOU! MWAH! MWAH!" to her splendid readers for their encouraging and inspiring comments?
b) get her thyroid medication prescription filled, and buy some more iron tablets?
c) recognise that her new cycling schedule makes her knees a bit tired?
d) talk to the ever-so-supportive Spousal Unit about scheduling, so running doesn't only fit in at half-past dark?
e) smack herself upside of the head for being so dim and whiny?
f) all of the above?

More anon, friends

CBB = NG

I just Can't Be Bothered running lately. This is Not Good.

Sunday mornings

Sunday morning juggling starts on Saturday. The Spousal Unit gets home at about 7pm on Saturdays now (thanks so much for the new roster, J’s work!) so he’s tired at the end of his week and I’m tired from a very long day with Noddie. So after we have wrestled her into bed we like to sit down and have a bit of "adult time", including a bit of a treat meal, and almost inevitably a sherbet or several. If I plan a long run on Sundays I have to really hold back.
Noddie usually wakes up early on Sunday mornings and the Spousal Unit could do with a sleep-in, until 7.30am at least, so I can’t get out really early unless I manage to coax her back to sleep (unlikely). Then I must take into account the training I’ve done recently, my schedule – work, study and sport – for the coming week, and upcoming events, to decide what’s the optimal use of my available time. Mix in a few other priorities like family time, study load and then sprinkle with social commitments (thankfully, few) and “well-I-wouldn’t-mind-doings” - oh, and the weather…….I should be in Cirque d’Soleil. I have to say that I don't mind doing this. It's just complicated.
Minerva and I had a splendid ride this morning. My medium-term goal is to ride to Whittlesea (a small town about 26km away) and back, so today I headed out that way and turned around when I decided it was far enough, about 18km I think. It was nice to get waves and nods from the many other cyclists out on the road.
When I started the return journey I realised why it had been so smooth on the way out – the wind smacked me right in the face! Then something funny happened. With a click almost as audible as a gear change, my mind went into 'calm mode'. I was out there, I had to get home and I was going to. I could struggle and rail against it, or I could enjoy it. I used to have to deliberately take myself through that thought process, almost talk myself down from energy-sapping agitation, but today and last week in the swim it was an automatic process. I don’t know if this has occurred through practice, or confidence in my own abilites – but it’s worked! Such a handy skill!
BTW, as is my habit, I wanted to improve my cycling so went and bought a book about it. One single suggestion has made the purchase worthwhile. If you flatten out your back, i.e. try and push your spine toward the crossbar, your chest opens up and your shoulders relax so you can breathe better! Wow! Who knew?

More anon

A line in the sand

I stepped on the scales the other day and found myself at a weight above THE NUMBER. The Number is The nothing-to-worry-about Number, The I’m-maintaining-ok Number, The no-need-to-do-anything-special-just-not-go-too-berserk- on-the-pizza-and-wine Number. Exceeding The Number blows a big loud alarm whistle – time for a lifestyle overhaul, since things are clearly more out of hand than can be remedied with a mere habit tweak.
This is a Good Thing*. It’s not self-flagellation or despair, although dismay did get a brief run. You know when you get that feeling that it’s the right time for a change, and you’re ready? That’s happening right now. I’ve had a great summer, an epic summer! Christmas, holidays, January, my birthday, Vanuatu – it’s all been brilliant! Uni starts today, which will Change Everything. I’m almost over my cold, and it's March so I am counting AFDs again. It’s 5 weeks until the Run For the Kids (eek! That soon?). Time to Get Organised. Time to, as is my wont, Make A Plan (just typing those words gets me all thrilled, what a sicko eh?)
Now the Plan is This:
Exercise: Plan, Do and Record. Take into account drop in fitness from the time off and the cold. Start slow, start small and stay frequent.
Food: have the Spousal Unit dish up my dinner into a smaller bowl or plate. I’ve already written “Portion Sizes” and “Dessert” on the splashback with whiteboard marker to remind me of my focus. Write It All Down. Boooooring but effective.
Drink: Count and record AFDs in the sidebar.
Thoughts: I was jolted from complacency not only by The Number, but also by a ghastly holiday snap in which I appear to be concealing a partially inflated flotation device under my clothing. I had stuck this photo on the fridge to remind myself not to graze. But then, S (fellow wage-slave) told me about a smash-hit 0prah type book called “The S3cret” which espouses the law of AttraXion, (I hope this misspelling will stop people googling me…); the idea is that you will get what you think about the most – hostility, prosperity, failure etc. I had a flick through the book, and although repelled and faintly nauseated by the airy-fairy, faux-spiritual, relentlessly simplistic-positive tone, there were a number of ways in which its arguments appealed to me.
I think the current victim-mentality is a plague on modern society. I consider the most significant breakthrough in psychology in the twentieth century to be learned optimism, and that positive psychology will be as significant in the twenty-first. In my own life, the habit of challenging negative thoughts and reframing them into positive interpretations has been immensely enriching; and I am constantly trying to be a better person by improving my strengths and virtues. Everyone should read the book Authentic Happiness. Really. It’s not about ‘success’ as such, but about ‘authenticity’ and building a lastingly better life. Its arguments are supported by one of my favourite things, empirical research. Mmmmmmmm empirical research....
I do believe that, to an extent, you get what you look for – compare your homecoming from work when you are tired and spoiling for a fight with your arrival when you are feeling happy and looking forward to time with your loved ones. Once you take responsibility for your own self, changing your own thoughts and behaviour is a skill that can be learned. Most bloggers I read are trying to do this, which is why I like and admire them so much!
So back to “The S3cret”- and the point....being inclined to have a bob each way, I am going to put up a photo of myself looking lean and athletic. I am practicing reframing negative food-related thoughts, which will be especially important to combat my tendency to comfort eat at uni. I am calm at uni....I eat because I'm hungry..... I will let you know how Project 5.30am goes though, not feeling so confident about that...
I have also set myself a fairly ambitious goal and reward – when (I just wrote ‘if’, then deleted it, must be consistent LOL) I reach 72kg (a 10% loss) I am going to buy Minerva a triple front ring. Oooooooh swooooooooooon. I’d better find a picture and stick that up too….


More anon, Pollyannas!

* No Capital Letters Were Harmed by Their, Admittedly, Excessive Use During the Writing of This Post

Zen and the art of ignoring jellyfish

RACE REPORT: Big Bay Swim (Port Melbourne - Williamstown 3.2km).
Let me make this quite clear. I. HATE. JELLYFISH. Jellyfish the size of my thigh (you've seen the photos. Not. Small). Large, yucky, sting-y BASTARD JELLYFISH. Eeeeeeewwwwwwwww. And owwwwwwwwww. And "F#$% the f%#$ off you motherf#$%ing f#$%bastard f#$%s!" and *high pitched girly fright voice* "get away get away ew ew ew".
But the thing is, swimming is such a meditative, repetitive, mindlessly soothing activity for me that it only took a few strokes after each HORRID INCIDENT to get back into my groove. I did think at one point (after the third sting), well LBTEPA, you can either get out now, or you can keep swimming with the BJF, which are hurting you a bit but are not affecting your swimming or making you panic. There was no excuse to give up. Bugger.
BTW stings on your face hurt more than stings on your arms. They fade in hours.
Now that's enough out-of-order faffing on.
- got to the beach and was horrified to discover a stiff onshore southerly creating a sizeable chop
- didn't whine, throw up or rush to DNS (as 6 people did, ha!)
- water was warm, yay!
- remembered vaseline to prevent chafing, yay!
- remembered to anti-fog my goggles, yay! FYI: rub a bit of dishwashing liquid into the inside of your goggles. Let it dry. Rub it off. Voila!
- chop was tiresome, but not beyond my capabilites
- only went off-course once, in the section with the 3-foot swell so I couldn't see the bouys!
- my sighting was magnificent, especially compared to the bloke who crossed my path - that is, swam on a path perpendicular to mine - on more than 5 occasions in the last km, hotly pursued by the lifesavers calling, "mate, maate, go that way!" He was either extremely short-sighted, very very tired or totally shite at sighting (I'm punting on C).
- "The Elephant Wobbles from Side to Side" is both soothing and annoying as an earworm. If you know that song you will realise the slowness of my stroke cadence LOL.
- reeled in a swimmer over the last 300m, thereby moving to 140th/155. Yay!
- detected no evidence of sharks whatsoever at any time.
- the t-shirt was nice and the right size.
- vinegar helps with stings.
- my sherpas, the Spousal Unit and Noddie, are the BEST!!
- it IS possible to fall asleep sitting on a trolley next to the playground at Bunnings
- if you've swum a big event in the morning, you can't get away with bleating "but I have a cold" in the afternoon. And a mere couple of sherbets make you all giggly!
- the bravest thing I did was to not DNS when I felt sick with fear. Once I started, there was nothing to do but keep going. It was quite fun in an exhilarating, BJF way.

Time: 1.05.15. Rating: Thrilled.

More anon, adventurers

Thud

(as in 'coming down with a...')
If you like, you can click here and see what I did on my holidays (you can slow it down by moving the slider).

Now I have a terrible cold, a mountain of articles to read, an extra kilo and 3.2 km to swim across Port Philip Bay on Sunday morning. My strategy (you knew I'd have one) is to Not Think About It, and hope for a still day.

I can't think about it - it makes me feel a bit sick about how hard it will be with this stupid cold. I think it would be a cop-out to not swim, because I'll pretty certainly finish. It will just be *insert whiny tone* haaaaaaaard. Do I only like difficult things after I've finished them (and can show off about them)? I dunno. Sigh. Ocean swimming isn't like running - there are no conversations, no landmarks, no spectators. It's just me, the water and my whingeing sooky la-la self (who is clearly writing this post). Probably my major task on Sunday will be telling my WSLL self to shut the f#$% up and keep swimming!

If the Spousal Unit was here, he would point out that I do this terror-stricken bleat thing every single time I face a challenge - and then I usually enjoy myself! And I always reply, no, this time it's different.....this is REALLY hard....
So repeat after me:
I love swimming in the ocean.
I won't drown.
I won't be eaten by a shark.
If I DNF the sky won't fall.
It will only take a bit more than an hour.
I've paid for it so I'm bloody doing it.

I think I'll go and dry my dishes with my Vanuatu tea towel now, and maybe look at my newly-tidy bookshelves, or the pinboard where I've hung all my necklaces - now I can see them, I might even wear them! Small things make us happy, my friends....

Yesterday

Yesterday we travelled on a bus (to the ferry), two ferries - to the island for a last swim, and back - another bus to the airport, a plane, a train (to the domestic terminal), another plane and a taxi home. We learned that if your child bolts through passport control you can go and get her if a guard goes with you. It was our 7th wedding anniversary and we both had a great day. I am very fortunate to have the Spousal Unit as my husband. He is very lucky too of course!!



BTW Vanuatu was WONDERFUL and you must all go there as soon as possible.
More anon, globetrotters :)

Brilliant :)

It was all brilliant :)


My family and friends make me the luckiest girl in the world.


See you when we get back :)

Flat out like a lizard drinking*

I have a bit to do today

as we are having a little party tonight so Noddie can help blow out the candles. She is having a sleepover at Nanny's tomorrow, woo hoo!
When we get back on Sunday I will try and post all the fascinating details of the surfing-and-party etc, for which you will naturally be agog, but since we have to be at the airport at 04.00 on Monday (aarrgghh) I may not get a chance, especially if I am still a bit, um, delicate (not unlikely).

More anon, adventurers!

*moving extremely fast; very busy

Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!

In a last-minute burst of enthusiasm I have decided to do the Sunset Series Zoo Run tonight. Running through the zoo at twilight is great fun! Even better, I will be catching up with a long-time-no-see coolrunning friend who is coming back from injury, which may slow her to somewhere near my pace LOL.

I am offically getting Over Excited about the BWSNBN* weekend, especially since this t-shirt arrived yesterday from the US.
I saw it on Anita's blog and Had To Have One. (BTW Huge kudos to Threadless for uber-swift service ). It is to be worn at all times, except when I am in my new dress *squeals and does girly hand-flap*

Holiday-related Over-Excitedness is also reaching critical levels, but I will spare you. For the moment....(mwahahahahaha)
More anon, zoo dudes! Roarrrrr!

*UPDATE: Zoo run was BRILLIANT - many friends to chat to and run with - thanks SlowJo :) Watch time 54.14. Happy with that.

*Birthday Which Shall Not Be Named. Do try and keep up.

Thoughts on the F-word #3

I know there were only going to be two posts on this, but gosh my BWSNBN neuroses are just sooooooooooo interesting I can’t stop myself......
A quick countdown – sleeps to go until
- BWSNBN (surfing lesson and birthday dinner) = 5
- we leave for Vanuatu (possibly still tragically hungover) = 7
- bags must be packed and house cleaned (see above) = 4
- Port Melbourne to Williamstown swim = 21. An idea: do some training. Hmmmm.

The most important thing I have learned since I was 30 (apart from how to apply red nail polish without looking as though I've just ripped someone's heart out) is that I accept and value myself the way I am. Greedy, prickly, opinionated, competitive and tactless, and funny, smart, passionate, determined, and adventurous. Accepting all these traits as just there, neither good nor bad, means I can work on ways to prevent the less adaptive ones from hampering my life. I rarely do self-destructive any more. I don’t play emotional games. I can pick my battles and stick to my guns when I believe that my cause is right. I pretty much like myself, and I finally realise that I am good enough. What a relief (mind you, sometimes none of the above applies, like when I drink too much, gain 2kg in a day, miss training, and Noddie runs away in the supermarket causing me to abandon a full trolley). But it’s mostly true.
It’s just that forty sounds so ollllddddd.....
Forty
Fooorty
Forrrrty
Fortyyyyyyyy
Arrrgghhh!
but still…..(sings) any day above ground is a good day.... Maybe I’ll just be 41 for two years, it has a much perkier ring to it :)

I had a wonderful bike ride yesterday, out to a small town about 30km from our place. I know it’s the drought, but I do love the colours and smells of the paddocks at this time of year. My hydration/nutrition strategy worked perfectly - water whenever, Gatorade every 20 minutes, a muesli bar after an hour, and a picnic lunch at the end with the Spousal Unit and Noddie, who drove out to give me a lift home, bless them. My chain came off about 6 times (grrrrrr) - BUT when I got home I found the manual and fixed the problem All By Myself :) Life IS all about small triumphs.

Now I promise there will be no more faffing on about unmentionable subjects! Really.
More anon, keensters!

Thoughts on the F-word #2

So.....I wrote all this maundering navel-gazing shite about how I’ve changed since I was 30, have become a better person (most of the time) and like myself a lot more and really feel "good enough" now etc etc bla bla bla
Then my computer ate it. This was obviously the universe telling me to stop being such a half-back flanker, time to let it go now....
So give thanks to the five elephants holding up the world that you are spared more faux-ironic pretending-not-to-be-wallowing-in-self-pity-but-actually-seeking-"it's ok you're not really so old "-type-sympathy rabbiting on.
Then I realised that life is not complete without something making me feel faintly ill with trepidation, so I am doing this swim on Feb 25th.

I will do pretty much anything for fish and chips LOL.

Has there been nothing but tilting at windmills and lamenting lost youth at chez LBTEPA? Not at all!
I have a VERY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT TO ALL WOMEN who wish that a personal stylist would just bring them clothes that look good so that they, that is, we, if you follow me, don't have to go shopping and feel confused and sad about spending money on something that looks awful, or at least not as good as we'd hoped.(Short pause while LBTEPA is dragged away by the grammar police for a beating)
Since I read Trinny and Susannah’s book What You Wear Can Change Your Life and worked out what colours and shapes actually suit me I have thrown out a third of my clothes and bought about three tops and suddenly everything goes together! I have had compliments from the fashion mavens at work, as well as from people who actually like me! It's the best fun I've had for ages! The Spousal Unit is also extremely pleased *wink*
More anon, fashionistas!

Thoughts on the F-word #1

In less than two weeks it will be my birthday - the BWSNBN. I won’t be in my thirties any more. Pardon? What’s going on here? Why wasn’t I informed earlier? Can I get off now? (Slaps self in order to get a grip)
So what has been going on?

Since 1997 I have
- Inhaled chemicals in a workplace accident
- Been bullied by my evil boss and driven out of my job
- Separated from and divorced the ‘what was I thinking?’ husband
- Lost 90% of my friends, who blamed me (bastards)
- Gained weight
- Been unemployed and broke
- Fought my way through chronic fatigue and depression
- Endured infertility, IVF treatment, an awful pregnancy and a traumatic birth
- Discovered we can’t have any more children
- Almost died from anaphylactic shock

And also
- Been to Canada, Japan and Italy
- Had a fantastic fling with an older man (while I was separated!)
- Travelled first-class around Australia
- Met and married my beloved Spousal Unit.
- Begun psychology studies
- Regained my health
- Gained satisfying employment
- Started our property empire (LOL)
- Had my darling Noddie
- Lost weight
- Taken up running and triathlon
- made new friends

I’m glad I didn’t have a crystal ball when I was 30.
Sometimes I feel a bit sad about all the things I wish hadn't happened, or that I wish had happened! Mostly I don't, though.
Try this: - put the two halves of the list in the other order. It has a completely different effect! Maybe someone reading this who is in the middle of bad times can take heart - I am living proof that if you stay hopeful and keep working toward your goals, life does get better.

More anon, darls (I promise there are only 2 parts to this self-indulgence)

still more photos, still less content

AUSTRALIA DAY
1.45pm
2km - 41.07
Swim rating: thrilled

*PHOTO REMOVED FOR REASONS OF VANITY*

9.30pm
Champagnes consumed - unknown
Party rating: excellent

Warning: profound thoughts on the Birthday Which Shall Not Be Named (BWSNBN) coming soon

Australians all, let us rejoice!

First of all, thank you all so much for your kind comments about our dog. The Spousal Unit had Skippy for twelve years, so he was devastated at having to have him put to sleep. Noddie has been fine about it - she told Daddy that Grandpa was throwing a ball for Skippy in heaven.



Australia Day is tomorrow, so let us rejoice!
- for we can speak out against divisive and immoral industrial relations laws
- for we can be compassionate and welcoming toward all people, in the face of federal policy
- for we can make individual efforts to decrease environmental impact, despite our Prime Minster's refusal to sign the Kyoto agreement
- for we can continue to protest against our involvement in an unjust war
- for we can apply our own principles and intelligence to the bias of commercial news
- for 2007 is an election year, and we can change things.

I like to celebrate Australia Day by doing this swim. It will be even more fun this year because my sister is coming along to do the 1km. Afterward we'll have fish and chips on the beach, then later we are going to a 50th birthday/20th wedding anniversary party. Let's just say I plan to get stuck into it!
*note to self: buy some panadol*

We told Noddie

that Skippy had to go to heaven so he wouldn't be sick any more


He was a great dog.

What's going on here?

If I’d dragged myself out of bed this morning and run before the Spousal Unit went to work then I’d have achieved six out of six workouts for the first time since I started recording my training. I may still do a pilates video and hit that magic number. But Noddie was restless last night in the heat and I woke up a couple of times with my achilles tendons just throbbing, and I did a bit extra in the pool yesterday so I was a bit sore, and I’m home all day with Noddie today and then we have friends coming over for dinner....so I turned off the alarm.... and that’s ok. I don’t have to do six this week. It’s more important to build up relatively slowly and not injure myself. Minerva and I are going on a long(er) ride tomorrow.
I don’t know what’s going on here lately. I’m feeling very peaceful. Even last week when I was very down, I wasn’t frantic. Laying down the law to J is just that – no anger behind it. Rows with Noddie blow over and we are friends again quickly. Most days lately I actually stop eating my dinner when I’ve had enough – even when it’s really good! I’m consciously seeking snacks that will fuel me, not just comfort me, and drinking lots of water as well. Of course there are areas I could (and am trying to) sharpen up – especially chips at parties, Noddie's yummy stuff and chinese food arrgghh – but mostly it’s not such a struggle to eat pretty well. This confuses me – but I hope it lasts. It’s not showing on the scales, but not to worry - see? Frighteningly calm! Is there a pod under my bed?

It’s not much of a secret that I used to have a glass-or-two of wine most nights, and sometimes more. I was getting a bit worried how much I was looking forward that little “switch-off/reward/mhaaaa my day is now ovah” buzz that came with it. Let me tell you a real secret. Over there in the sidebar there’s a little table of AFDs for the month. Look! I didn’t mention it to anyone because I wasn’t sure if I could actually kick my habit. BUT I HAVE! To be honest, I have a light beer most days, but I am no longer looking forward to the little wine buzz. I may never give up drinking altogether, but from now on it’ll be the planned exception rather than the everyday. I’m proud of that.

More anon, pod-people!

Good things

When I got home on Sunday morning, Noddie raced to the front verandah and called out “Welcome home from your triathlon mummy –hip hip hooray!” and gave me a big clap! It was gorgeous :)

I have designated this a light training week. It’s extremely hot and humid (for here), J has the lurgi that laid me low a couple of weeks ago and Noddie is the Fussmeister in the heat. Someone has to captain the ship. And if I want to ignore The Schedule and just swim I will, cause it is all about me LOL.

I am trying very hard to neither join nor be enraged by the grizzlefest going on here about the heat/power blackouts (caused by the bushfires)/water restrictions. For goodness' sake people, what about a bit of backbone? Some cheerful stoicism?

My nephew wants to do another triathlon! I was so pleased – apparently N hadn’t realised how big, exciting and fun these events are. I will have him hooked on the buzz yet, mwahahaha! Unfortunately we will be away for the next one so I can’t join him, but I think Sib 1 might be up for another one.

On that note, our tickets to Vanuatu have been posted and will be here this week!!!! I am so excited I can hardly stand it (but that’s a whole other post). I’m starting to get a bit excited about my (unmentionable) birthday (in Feb) as well; so far 8 of us are doing the surfing lesson and twenty-five or so coming to dinner. Bring on the bubbly, baby! I have even bought a new dress.

My bike fitting was BRILLIANT! Go and get one for your bike AT ONCE! No, really! I was on the trainer in the shop for about half an hour while the charming Matt adjusted the headstem, the handlebars, the pedals, the gears, the seat and my pedalling action – such small changes and such a big difference. We had already spent half an hour choosing pedals ** and shoes suitable for both me and the bike (and he didn’t ask what a nuffy like me was doing with a nice bike like Minerva, either). Did you know you can buy ‘hybrid’ pedals? They have clips on one side and are flat on the other, so you can a) get your balance before you have to clip in, and b) ride your bike to the milk bar without having to put on your bike shoes. I *heart* my pedals!

**I’m not sure if these are the exact pedals but they are v. similar.

Race Report - Gatorade St Kilda triathlon

Gatorade Triathlon Race 3 St Kilda
THE FACTS:
750m Swim: 15:35 – although 250m longer this was only 3 min slower, just demonstrating what a lame effort I put in last time LOL
T1: 2:16 – 1 minute faster, including getting my wetsuit off!
20km ride: 49:24 – 1:01 slower than last time. It was quite a bit windier today, and muggins here dropped her chain at one point (note to self: practice practice practice those gears!).
T2: 3:08 – 0:30 slower, including changing from bike shoes.
5km run: 34:10 – 3:00 faster.
Overall: 1:44:36 – 1 minute slower, including a 250m longer swim
THINGS TO AVOID IF POSSIBLE:
- POOR PLANNING!!!
- Forget the event is on and do four training sessions in the three days prior. Can anyone say “tired legs”? Also “you idiot”?
- Late nights for the two nights previous to the event (I had no control over Noddie waking every three hours on Friday night, but it didn’t help).
- Packing my race bag at 11pm on Saturday night (see above) – I would have enjoyed the party-of-no-escape more if I hadn’t had that to do when I got home.
- No practice at all on the clipless pedals prior to the race. This turned out ok, but I was extremely worried and unhappy about it.
- No practice doffing the wetsuit – once again this went well but was another source of anxiety.
- No practice with using Sport beans instead of gatorade for the run (see above re: ok, anxiety).
- Chafing! Note to self: get some shorts where the elastic hasn't perished ow ow ow
THINGS TO DO AGAIN:
- Make the most of the time I had. As I set up my transition I visualised the order I would do things, and then rehearsed it as I was doing the swim and ride.
- Failure-proof the day. As far as I was concerned, the only thing that could make it a bad outing was if I fell off my bike and broke my arm.
- Visualise things going well – J suggested this regarding unclipping my pedals, so I spent quite a bit of time imagining them clipping out easily whenever I needed them to, and they did!
- Consciously stay “in the moment”. That is, I really tried not to think about the ride and run during the swim, or the run during the ride. I had to trust my training, and, while not going foolishly all-out, not “save myself”. If I crashed and burned in the run, tough.
- Concentrate on a higher cadence in the swim. Very happy with that.
- Spray legs with cooking spray for faster wetsuit removal – I was out of that thing like a banana from its peel LOL!
- Use mantras. “My legs are long and I ride strong” for the bike, and “I am strong and I run fast, I stay focussed on my task” for the run.
- Scarf down a few Sport beans at the start of the run and a few more at the turnaround. This was probably overkill in terms of nutrition, but I was feeling weary and flat from my stupid week.
- Thank the event marshalls. This is not only a good distraction, but also spreads the love, and you know I’m all about that!

My nephew, in his first triathlon managed the swim quite well, and hammered the ride and run. I was so happy that he had such a good day!

I've had a few comments that some people would love to do a tri one day - all I can say is find one, pay the money, and do it - what's the worst thing that could happen? Trust me, once you realise you won't lose your spot on the team for Beijing, it's all good :)

T - 2 #2

Sunday is nearly here and I forgot to taper! Bugger!
And I haven't developed a hydration strategy or visualised my transitions yet!

I'm going fully geared up this time, so I really should think about how I'm going to get out of my wetsuit and into my bike shoes, which I will be picking up this afternoon at my bike fitting, which I am having because I am so madly keen and professional (*laughs hysterically*) - actually it was included in the bike purchase and I'm all about freebies.
I'm sure 24 hours is enough time to learn how to not fall over while unclipping my pedals. In a hurry. Under race stress. (*laughs hysterically again*)
More anon, daredevils!

*UPDATE* In answer to Dante's question, my nephew is doing the shorter Brooks because his swimming isn't up to the longer distance. He and my sister decided weeks ago but didn't tell me (because I am so overbearing and tiresomely enthusiastic?). I am pleased for him because I was a bit concerned how he'd go in the water and didn't want him to be put off triathlon by a bad first experience. Now I can cheer him on (and give him a shellacking next year)!

Very fortunate person complains: world doesn't revolve around me

I’m a bit ashamed of this line of thought given that the world is a big serious place full of very bad things, and my life is a fortunate one, but it’s been niggling at me and I want it gone. So if you’re not in the mood for whingeing then come back tomorrow.

Do you ever feel as though your life is eating your dreams? That you compromise and give way and do what you have to do and make bargains with the universe (even though you know that’s stupid and you swore you’d never do it again because it only breaks something fragile inside you every time you set yourself up for inevitable disappointment) and say oh well it’s ok that I can’t do that thing that I dreamed of, so I’ll do something else, and be happy about that instead. And then something else happens, and your second-best dream can’t happen either, and gradually you move further and further away from those bright dreams that you used to hold tightly in your heart, and then you turn around one day and you can’t see them at all any more. How long can you wait and hope and plan and scheme and say ‘one day… one day…’? When this one single life you get seems to be turning into someone else’s, but you’re too tired and too sad to keep building your own dreams all by yourself so you might as well just float along with the current because it’s easier and there’s company?
Sometimes it seems that the only time I get to have my big dreams is at 5.15am when I’m sweating alone in the dark. But sometimes I don’t know if that’s space for my dreams either, or just my only space. And I need more sleep than I get. Sleep or time. What a question.
So the stories are read and the husband is cuddled and the floor has no crumbs and the toilet doesn’t smell bad and we are all fed and dressed in clean clothes and my uni reading is done. And the songs from the foreign language books and the piano and the garden and the country become fainter and fainter.
It shits me that I am feeling like this. This is PATHETIC. I was brought up better than this. I KNOW that this is a time of many commitments which I CHOSE and which are sources of great joy and challenge and will shape what happens in the future. I KNOW that there will be periods in my life when I will have lots of time to do things that inspire me, and many of the things that make me happy now will be over. To every thing there is a season etc etc. This isn’t about controlling how life turns out, or having it all, all at once. I KNOW that doesn’t happen.
Or maybe I don’t…..thanks for the lesson, life. Moving on now. The other thing I KNOW is that these feelings will pass. Don’t worry, I have plans (of course!) to keep those little flames flickering while the rest of my life steamrolls on. Just wanted to vent. Thanks for listening.

BTW thanks to Duane for reminding me that I have a triathlon to do on Sunday! My first one with Minerva! Woo Hoo!

What I did on my holidays

- had a nasty bug for 2 days & couldn't get out of bed
- ran along the river and found out how bad a truck full of dead carp can smell even at 8.00 a.m
- swam at the beach

- in my flash new togs that I got for Christmas

- went out sailing with Dad, J, Noddie and Teddy

- only drank light beer
- except at the races
- where I was invited to enter Fashions on the Field (I've never been so surprised in my life)
- I didn't win, but it was a hoot up on the catwalk!

- received a lovely compliment from a fairly young and completely sober stranger, and had my photo taken for the local paper!

more anon, return-to-workers

Hmmmm.....

I'm at Mum's with Noddie for a few days. Much to my surprise, the train trip down here was really, really fun this time. The Spousal Unit will be joining us on Friday night for a beach-and-races weekend, woo hoo!
J rang me with some wonderful news - after 10 days, Teddy has been handed in to Bunnings' lost property! The T-man is back from his "adventure" (which was where we told Noddie he'd gone). Where this leaves Noddie's new Teddy I don't know, but I'm sure there's room in her life for two special friends.

Noddie chose her accessories herself, bless her
This morning I rode some of the cycling course of the Olympic distance triathlon eeek oooh scary I'm sort of thinking of doing in March. I'll do the full circuit on Saturday now that I've worked out where I got lost LOL.
I was thinking about what a long way it was, and how big the hills were, and how hard it would be to have done one loop up that bastard hill and then have to do another one, and then run 10km after that. And how tired and far behind everyone else I would be.
And then I thought, what else would you be doing? Sitting at home growing ever more lardy? Watching, and wishing you had that kind of guts ?

Then I had some more thoughts: is this really an appropriate project for me this summer, given my other commitments? Have I built enough base fitness to just tough it out if I have to? Is my vaulting ambition o'er reaching itself?
Hmmmm.....

2007: day 1

HAPPY


NEW


YEAR!


GYGO NYD Triathlon Results:
1km Swim: 18:44
20km Ride: 59:14
5km Run: 32:36

Dissed!

I was riding my new bike, and being unfamilar with the gears, managed to drop the chain at some traffic lights. While I was fixing it a pair of hoons in their doof-doof mobile drew up, wound down their window and laughed at me. My clever repartee (why don't YOU do some exercise you lazy bastards?), elicited the following comment

it's because there's too much weight on the bike!
??!!#$%^&*!!!??

Naturally I answered with some suggestions about anglo-saxon verbs starting with F. My bike is henceforth named Minerva, goddess of wisdom and warriors. 'Cause it's a battle out there.

where did that week go?

Whew.
It’s 8.30am; we’ve been up for two hours. Noddie has had her cornflakes and taken half-an-hour to decide to have her asthma medicine (while Mummy pretended not to care whether she took it or not), and played with playdough, bubbles and her tea set because she did have her medicine. She is now watching her Fairies dvd from inside the tent that Nanny gave her for Christmas. She is wearing her dressing gown, wings, wand and fairy shoes and surrounded by many of her friends. Teddy, alas, is not there; he disappeared on Boxing Day and has not been found despite my literally dismantling the house, to the point of emptying the bins and removing the couch covers. We think he’s gone to the North Pole to help Santa get ready for next year :(.

It was the Spousal Unit’s birthday on the 27th – many happy returns of the day, you great big spunk, mwah!!
After J's birthday barbecue and Christmas for 17 at our place we are feeling a bit partied-out. There is something very satisfying about throwing a sizeable bash, from the cooking and tidying beforehand to the fridge crammed with leftover salads and cake afterward. Oh, and the talking and laughing and catching up with friends and drinking and dancing and the ‘did you hear what she said?’ postmortem after everyone’s gone home.

Anyway
Time to rest, recharge, muck around with Noddie and GET MY SHIT TOGETHER. I’ve barely exercised since I was in hospital. I find the thought of 5.30am unbearable. I’ve gained 1.5kg. Time to make me a plan!!
Now the plan is this – it’s all far too tiring to completely overhaul my life and lose weight and train for triathlons and give up drinking and what have you. It’s completely beyond me. BUT... I’m sure I can manage to think about two things at a time. That’s not too hard.
So this week my focus is exercise (more) and food (less/better).
And on Monday I’m doing this, woo hoo!!
BTW my trusty steed will probably be called either Pegasus or Minerva (although Basil is strangely appealing, thanks DG for messing with my head LOL).
More anon, friends

My new friend

Thanks Santa!!

Here are the technical specs etc for those so inclined.
Now, what shall I call her?

2 more sleeps

Noddie is watching Play School after our exciting morning visiting the Myer Christmas windows via train, tram and escalator. Wombat Divine has been one of our favourite books this Christmas, and Noddie and I spent ages peering at the incredibly clever and detailed displays (apologies to the window cleaners for the finger and nose marks). You will be happy to know that the Spousal Unit WILL receive Santa's bounty this year, thanks to Borders being on the way to the station. Here's a *raspberry* to Dymocks online who have let me down badly and will never again profit from my impetuosity.

I have been tagged by the lovely Jeanne!
1. Egg nog or hot chocolate? I haven’t had eggnog but I’m sure I’d like it better than hot chocolate.
2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? Wraps them! Lots of them!
3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? White outside if we get around to putting them up, and coloured inside.
4. Do you hang mistletoe? No
5. When do you put your decorations up? First weekend in December
6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? Roast pork with 7 vegies
7. Favorite holiday memory as a child? Finding the pillowcase full of presents at the end of the bed. Singing carols around the piano to my grandma.
8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? Huh? What are you talking about?
9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? No
10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? If you can see any green then you’re not trying
11. Snow? Umm, not wanting to be too obvious, but it's summer here
12. Can you ice skate? No
13. Do you remember your favorite gift? My overlocker and my mp3 (thanks J, mwah!)
14. What's the most important thing about the holidays for you? Having all the family together, Christmas music, and mince pies
15. What is your favorite holiday dessert? Christmas pudding with custard.
16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Playing cricket in the yard after lunch
17. What tops your tree? An angel
18. Which do you prefer, giving or receiving? Can I say both?
19. What is your favorite Christmas song? O come all ye faithful (Mormon Tabernacle Choir) and I’ll be home for Christmas (Bing Crosby) which always gets me all sniffy because it reminds me of the year I desperately wanted to get home for Christmas but couldn’t.
20. Candy canes? No
21. Favorite Christmas movie? A Bush Christmas, and Miracle on 34th St
22. What do you leave for Santa? Mince pies (even better now I am Santa LOL)

Now, I’m not tagging anyone because we’re getting to flat-out pre-Christmas mode. But go for your life if you like!
Wishes for a very happy Christmas to everyone.

Feelin' hot hot hot

7 am and it's 30 degrees already. Did I accidentally move to Darwin?
Thank goodness for lists as I am starting to feel a bit overwhelmed.
Food shopping for 17 for Christmas Day supper - check.
Running sheet for Monday's menu - check.
5 loads of washing washed, hung out and dried - check.
Fruit mince for puddings (yes I know I should have made them in September) - check.
First exercise in a week (pilates, ow my abs, I mean ooh my core feels so toned now) - check.
Realistic exercise schedule for next few days - check.
Ignoring the king tide of mess engulfing the house until Sunday morning because there's no point whatsoever doing it before then unless I want to do it again - check.
Note from my tiresome Truthful Twin - this is A LIE. I can't ignore this hideous cesspit of random shite. I will shortly become enraged about it and storm around picking things up, then get upset and eat a mince pie.
Swallowing irritation at J's rellies for announcing a last-minute Sunday afternoon family do and cutting 5 hours aarrgghh off my preparation time - check.
Swallowing disappointment at getting my second-choice thesis supervisor (well-known to be 'hands-off' ie not very helpful/interested) - check.
Deeply thankful for people like Sparkdriver who sacrifice so much to protect homes and property from the dreadful bushfires that are devastating our state - check.

If Dymocks online and Australia Post don't land the Spousal Unit's present on the doorstep today I'll have to go shopping again and my brain will explode.
Now Noddie and I are off swimming, because it's Friday and that's what we do on Fridays, and then to my work Christmas barbie because I cannot organise another thing, not even my in-laws to mind her.
We will be accompanied by two of Noddie's particular friends, Sharon and Teddy, unless I have a CBB* attack and we stay home.

*Can't Be Bothered

feelin' all right

Noddie has calmed down a bit (thank you, God).
Unexpectedly, I'm not desperately itching to exercise, although I am looking forward to riding my bike on Thursday. The answer to the question of what would fill all that extra time when I'm not sweating up a storm has turned out to be SLEEP. The Spousal Unit and I are the king and queen of somnolence, the sovereigns of slumber, the rajahs of zeds.....
The cd is stacked with carols; the spare room bed is piled with boxes; all that's left is to wrap them up and organise supper for 15 on Christmas Day. It's all good. I love Christmas! (even though my inlaws are coming aaarrrggghhhh. I CAN and WILL cope - times like these are why the good Lord gave us sparkling shiraz).

With A at St Kilda market

Small Triumph: I was just at a work farewell morning tea where there was yummy cheesecake. I took one bite and thought, this is not worth missing out on a mince pie later - and I stopped.
What small triumphs have you had lately?

O.D.D.*

Noddie seems to have contracted a galloping case of Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Her attitude du jour is "make me!" and phrase of the day is "No!" It's very tiring and kind of disheartening. Having my oldest (single, childless) friend (A) visiting from Perth and witnessing my struggles to maintain some semblance of harmony made it harder. I felt almost ashamed that she should see me like this. A said she was glad she didn't have kids because she knew she wasn't patient enough. She's a good friend.
But then on Saturday I was cleaning out the pantry because we had ants, yucky and I was being all sooky and saying ooh there are ants on me (there weren't, I was just carrying on) and Noddie came straight over and started trying to brush them off me. All together now: awwwwwww. So maybe she'll stop fighting about everything one of these days.
She loves knowing the names of things so she's pretty happy that the three kings in Dick Bruna's Christmas book are (of course) Caspar, Melchior and Balthazar - and she decided their camel is named Andrew (because she loves Playschool so much).

*I do know that Noddie doesn't actually have ODD. Her behaviour is exceedingly tiresome but age appropriate, dammit. SHE WILL GROW OUT OF IT

How very odd

I'm not allowed to exercise strenuously until at least next Wednesday. It's a peculiar sensation - I can neither picture having six whole days off, nor can I imagine doing anything energetic ever again. Analgesic-induced lassitude is quite fun.

No dramas

I have to have a wee 'procedure' tomorrow which will entail a general anaesthetic and an overnight stay, followed by a few days of being not entirely up to par, so I will probably not be posting until next week. It was planned and is nothing too serious, so no dramas. The surgeon assured me that I'll be able to ride the new bike that Father Christmas might be bringing me.
Cheerful and stoic being the LBTEPA way (have I beaten that phrase to death yet? LOL) I have taken a sick leave day today and am spending it getting all the washing done, going for a run and wrapping the Christmas presents. I am also going to eat at least one mince pie mmmmmmmmmmmmm and drape tinsel over all stationary objects in my home.

Baptism of fire

TEAM LBTEPA

This post could have had a lot of titles – “FIGJAM”, “f*$# that was hot”, or “I do this for fun, you know”.
It was 30 degrees (86F) when I started at 9am and 37 (98F) when I finished 1:43:56 later. The run was brutal – I saw three people collapsed by the side of the path (all being attended to) and the medical tent was crowded with people covered in icepacks and on IV drips.
So. Where to start?
Pre-race: to combat some tummy butterflies on Saturday night I painted my 'race nails'(bright red of course).
Naturally I had to paint Noddie’s thumbnails too. She was really excited about being my ‘cheer squad’ (at first she called herself my ‘cheerful’ – gorgeous). We were on less cordial terms at 12.30 when she cried and fussed and coughed until she threw up everywhere aarrgghh. I didn't get back to sleep until 1.45, but what can you do?
My older brother (Sib 1) and I got there pretty early and I set up my transition the way I’d planned it, with an extra bottle of Gatorade. Later that really saved me. I was comforted all day by the way my planning helped me get through – I felt a bit stupid at times being so detailed, especially compared to Sib 1 who just showed up in normal t-shirt and bike shorts with a towel and goggles, but it aided me in maintaining my personal equilibrium on a hard day. The planned LBTEPA attitude was 'cheerful and stoic', which turned out to be pretty much the key to everything.
We ran into my friend M and her boyfriend G, which was a pain. M is a “oooh I am so panic stricken oh dear oh dear” person, and G is a “well, coming last is worse when you’ve just run a 40 minute 10km” WANKER. I have no idea why he tries to compete with me. Sib 1 and I just sat in the shade listening to them yap on about how nervous they were. Some other people we were talking to thought we must be spectators because we were so calm. But what was the point of getting het up? It’s not as though my spot on the team for Beijing was at stake. Sorry, stopped channelling my evil bitchy twin now. She’ll be back though...…
Swim: Sib 1 and I were sitting in the water – flat as a tack, superb – waiting for our waves to start, when my S-I-L arrived with the Spousal Unit and Noddie! I was so happy to see them! J told me later that Noddie had to be restrained from running down the ramp to swim in the wave after mine - I do wish I’d seen that.
The water was warm so I swam in my tri-shorts and singlet. Having a lot of experience with ocean racing was helpful because the usual flailing scrum was no worse than I expected. Sib 1 (who started 17 minutes behind me) said I was practically the only person swimming in a straight line LOL. My time was pretty disappointing, but in the whole picture of the day the moderate effort in the water probably helped me survive the run. And I will be much less cavalier about skipping my swims from now on.
T1 – it was all such a blur I had no idea when to click my watch so I didn’t bother. I’m always happily startled when I get out of the water and can actually run (thanks legs, you were great :). I’d rehearsed what I was going to do in what order – hey, there’s a reason this blog isn’t called “who needs a plan anyway?” – so I was happy about how it went. It seemed ok but was quite slow – another thing to learn about.
Ride: Off I went for two 10km loops. I used an affirmation to keep focussed (“my legs are long and I ride strong” – sounds silly, but it worked) which really helped keeping up my cadence, as did all the practice with my gears. It was already very hot so I changed my hydration strategy (coo er how flash eh?) from every 15 to every 10 minutes…until….oh no! just after the halfway turn I dropped my drink bottle!! I didn’t dare stop as it was quite crowded (lesson: wait to drink until you’re back into the groove). I hope no-one hit it and fell. I just wasn’t sure what to do. Thank goodness for plan B (you just knew I’d have one) - stopping briefly at the run water table for a slurp to keep me moving. Sib 1 and I called out and waved on each loop – he looked hot but strong. He emailed me last night to say he thought I had some talent on the bike!!!
T2: who knows why I took so long? Crikey I was happy to have that second bottle of Gatorade to take with me on …cue sinister music…
The run.
My toes were a bit numb from the bike but that soon wore off. During the ride I’d seen runners really suffering so I was a bit scared, but cheerful and stoic was the LBTEPA way so off I trotted. Really muscular, fit-looking people were walking and looking dreadful. I knew it would be easy to get agitated and distressed so I made a plan to run 100 steps and walk 20 for as long as I could. That way I was making the decisions about when to stop, and remaining in control of what was going on. When that got too hard I ran for three light poles and walked for one. I gave some of my Gatorade to a bloke who was looking bad. When a friend ran up to him and helped him keep going I was happy for him, but I felt lonely too – that’s when cheerful and stoic slipped to just stoic, but it was enough. Thoughts of people I admire kept popping into my head - Nancy and her decision to pull out of Ironman because she couldn’t have got back to her husband and children safely, and Greg’s pact with his friend to “Charlie Mike” (continue the mission) their Ironman races no matter what . I hoped J wasn't too worried. I couldn't contemplate DNFing, but neither did I want to end up in the medical tent.
It was very good to finish. Afterward I just kept drinking and drinking and drinking until the nasty dehydration headache went away. Sib 1 finished well but was disappointed with his run – serves him right for not having a hydration strategy LOL (joking). He was really impressive. The thing I was proudest about was staying contained and within myself so I never went to that despairing ‘this-is-too-hard, I want to give up’ place. My time was quicker than I expected too, and faster than friend M too mwahahaha (back in your box now please evil twin).
The Spousal Unit told me he was proud of me and kept putting his arm around me, which really meant a lot because he's not a demonstrative person. This morning Noddie wanted to go to another triathlon but I told her that Mummy was too tired!
Seeing as it was my first triathlon (and did I mention it was bloody hot?) I was pleased with how I went, but there's a lot of work to do before the next one!
I was glad my nephew N wasn’t there as he might have hurt himself in the heat – I don’t know how good he is at pacing himself and recognising his limits. I hope it’s not so hot when he races with me in January.

T minus 2

I was going to call this post FU, SU because the Spousal Unit and I had a huge row (about addressing Christmas card envelopes, of all things) the night before J's grandfather's funeral, during which some very unfair and hurtful things were said, and not by me.
But then my eye was caught by a card on my fridge which says "marriage is about overlooking the smallness and seeking the greatness".
I also read Wil's latest post about training to build strength of character as well as body. So I have let it go.
The funeral went as well as these things ever do.
And now I have a triathlon to do on Sunday. Patchy training or no, I will front up and have a bash at it. I've planned my outfit (most important!),my nutrition, thanks to geekgirl, and my attitude. Cheerful and stoic is the LBTEPA way. Stop laughing!

warning: chick stuff

My female friends: get one of these.
It is the answer to all your exercise worries. I am serious.
Your girls DO NOT MOVE.
At all.


(Sorry for scowling like this but I hate these shorts and I've trodden on my skipping rope LOL)

12 hours

9.30pm Saturday - Melbourne Bloggers' Dinner (sorry for cutting off your head Beck!)


9.30 am Sunday - After the Sussan 10km.


Muggins here forgot to start her watch so I was a bit disappointed to find 1.07.59 in the results today. I did what I could with a touchy achilles and antibiotics for a sinus infection. It was, as always, a great day.
J's aunt and cousin did the 10km walk so we caught up afterward for brunch - they are just the most delightful people, it's always a pleasure to see them. In the afternoon we had a christmas catchup with J's oldest friends - another enjoyable and nurturing time. Then Noddie coughed herself sick AGAIN and went all blue around her mouth and we took her to the hospital and she stopped coughing so now we have a new rule that if it's not bad enough to call an ambulance then we wait until morning. Then we had a bottle of sparkling red at 11pm so I'm a bit tired today. But it's all good :)

J and his family are travelling ok. Thank you for the kind comments.

More anon

Vale Reg

My husband's grandfather died yesterday. He was 93. It was peaceful (he had been on morphine for a couple of days) and J and his parents were there.

Warning:FTMI* about my achilles

My achilles is not chronic or degenerative yet and will not become so if I stretch stretch stretch and ice ice ice for a few days and then start to strengthen strengthen strengthen my achilles and also my core muscles which are still embarrassingly wobbly. My orthotics have been adjusted and DOH!!! I have to wear them when I'm riding my bike - (hello Captain Obvious didn't-think-that-through-did-I?) I'll run tomorrow morning then ring Chris-the-magician-podiatrist and we'll decide whether I run on Sunday. I've kissed goodbye any idea of a new 10kmPB and also of reaching 1000km for 2006; not to worry! There's 2007's goals all sorted out :)
I am so grateful for all the supportive comments and advice I've had here and on coolrunning.
I'm particularly grateful for Angel's remark that it is all about showing up. This week I was talking to a work friend and it came to me that every single time I face up to a situation that makes me feel absolutely terrified (like my first couple of half-marathons, the Olympic distance triathlon I'm thinking of doing, eek did I just put that down in writing? and the bloggers' dinner), every single time I take a deep breath and JFSU*, something really good and unexpected happens that changes my life.

BTW, I went to a 3rd birthday party on Tuesday and had 2 pieces of pizza (dinner) and one light beer instead of chips, icecream, wine and cake. It wasn't much fun but I certainly felt better next morning. Go me!
What "Go me!" moments have you had lately?

More anon, self-improvers!
*Far Too Much Information
*Just Show Up

waiting game

I know I know, three posts in three days, how very self-indulgent …but it’s my blog and this is really worrying me... although I am NOT catastrophising – I am BEING CALM and HOPING FOR THE BEST. I am NOT panicking, no no no no
For the last week or ten days, I’ve been having some ankle/achilles tendon soreness when I run. It goes away when I stretch and doesn’t pain me at other times. It could be
- cycling – too much too soon and/or poor bike fit
- summer – too much time in sandals and high heels
- referred pain from my unstable iliosacral joint/core muscles (a direct result of Noddie’s difficult birth – make sure you get a full physio checkup before resuming exercise after childbirth, ladies!!)
- orthotics needing adjustment, which they do. (slaps head - why do I put these things off?)

Achilles soreness is an absolute bogeyman for runners as it can be the harbinger of hard-to-manage chronic injury if not managed veeeeeeerrrrrry carefully and cautiously (but I am NOT panicking, no no no no).
I just feel a bit sick when I think about it all. But I am doing the right thing. I am not running at all until I see the physio and podiatrist. I am too old to bull-head myself into another chronic injury. It’s not going to happen.

But the thing is, (insert whiny tone) I have the Sussan 10km this Sunday that I’ve been training for for ages and was really rather hoping for quite an impressive PB and now I’d even settle for jogging it to get the t-shirt as long as I don’t hurt myself (but I am NOT panicking, no no no no…)
*POSSIBLE SILVER LINING!! Can’t run Sunday = can drink Saturday night at terrifying bloggers’ dinner!!!!*
And the other thing is this triathlon next week which I simply cannot think about just now.
The real thing is, I can’t see the physio and podiatrist until Thursday. I’m trying to be very zen and “oh well, what happens happens” about it. I’m sure it will all be ok.

OK, I’m sick of all this bloody drama. From here on I officially reframe this as a ‘thank-goodness-I-caught-it-in-time’ situation. It will all be ok.

Lists are my friends

Thanks so much to everyone for your lovely comments: they helped me snap out of my la-la attack much sooner than I would have otherwise.
I need to wriggle out from under this feeling of being overwhelmed and overcommitted. I need to FOCUS. Clearly I need to make a LIST! That’s it! A list will save me! So what's coming up, and what do I really need to do?
CHRISTMAS
Refrain from berating myself for not being as prepared as usual
Reread 'Unplug the Christmas machine'.
Buy loads of plastic baubles so I can have a beautiful tree that Noddie can enjoy without my precious ornaments being wrecked.
Have house-decorating party on Saturday, even if it’s just me and Noddie.
Play lots of Christmas carols all the time mwahahaha
Gloat that all my shopping is done
Think about whether I want to wear my tacky festive earrings this year.
BLOGGER'S DINNER this Saturday night
Resist wimping out because of feelings of shyness
Find something to wear!!! Eeek!
Remember I can’t drink myself confident because of….
SUSSAN 10km this Sunday morning
Refrain from berating myself because I haven't trained as much as I'd planned.
Try not to worry too much that I am running like a 3-toed sloth at the moment and my achilles seems to be playing up a bit.
Pack bag on Saturday.
Set alarm clock.
Try not to be too disappointed if I don’t PB.
BARBECUE W/ J'S FRIENDS this Sunday afternoon
Plan what to eat beforehand.
Drink light beer because I have to train tomorrow
TRIATHLON Sunday week
Refrain from berating myself because I haven't trained as much as I'd planned
Panicking is for my diva-esque friend M. Cheerful and stoic is the LBTEPA way (stop laughing!). I've been DFL* before.
Remember this is a practice for January and March.
MY BIRTHDAY
Don't fail to organise a surfing weekend because of feelings of shyness/unworthiness.
Book motel with spa (mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm)

That's a good list. I can do that.

More anon, chaps
*Dead Last

Cranky

Don't talk to me: I am too cranky. I completely failed to manage the fact that there was no real food at the election party last night, instead stupidly indulging in a sickening scoff-fest of pate, cheese, chips and wine. I arrived home today after a 4-hour drive to a fine for running a red light - earned the day a few weeks ago that I actually had 3 hours of free time to myself and went into the city for a lovely lunch by the river. Serves me right for having a nice time (sulks).
I am so cranky and irritable I can hardly stand myself. I didn't even run today. Noddie is being cranky too. The Spousal Unit is being wonderful, the beast.
WHY AREN'T I PERFECT????????? IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks, Thorpie

I really love swimming. I enjoy doing it and I'm good at it. I think it's a beautiful sport to watch.
I spent a great deal of my adolescence churning up and down a pool, so I have some understanding of the amount of effort and concentration and discipline and sacrifice it takes to excel at swimming. I cannot imagine the pressure this young man has been under, carrying the hopes and expectations of a sport-mad nation and his own exceptionally high personal standards.
Thanks for everything, Thorpie. You were beautiful to watch, a pleasure to listen to and an inspiration to many. Now off you go and enjoy yourself.


I am off to Mum's on Friday to be her election campaign PA and hand out how-to-vote cards for her amazing 19 year old candidate. I have to do a bunch of stuff before then to ensure that I don't return to complete chaos so I not sure when I'll be posting next. If Noddie screams herself to vomiting point at bedtime again tonight I may need to vent!!! We have no idea where this behaviour has come from.... I am getting very tired of washing her sheets (sigh....)
HOTW update (as you have been longing to hear how they were going). HOTW#1 (no diet coke) - none for several weeks, yay. HOTW#3 (1.5l water every day) - 7/7 so far. HOTW #2 (no food 'extras'), er, needs more work. Did you notice my fancy-pants new tables? Putting AFDs (Alcohol Free Days) out there is part of Project 'don't kid yourself'. It's all good, no?
More anon, voters!

What a good weekend that was!

Well, that was soooooooo much fun!
Making cakes with Noddie, tearing around like a lunatic making sure the house was spotless (b/c my friend V was coming over), doing last-minute shopping dashes, decorating with huge balloon-streamers and happy-birthday signs, throwing salads together, preparing painting stuff, cleaning up all the dog poo....
Five little girls and four parents – two of whom I hadn’t met, oh the stress of being shy, I’m sure I gushed – decorated cakes, made glue-and-glitter pictures and butterfly pictures and hand-print pictures and ran in the back yard and played on the slide and the swing and ate fairy bread and saveloys and the cakes, and sang happy birthday….
Then about 20 more people arrived and we fired up the barbie and sat out on the verandah in the warm evening and ate and talked to friends we hadn’t seen all winter and drank and opened presents and lit sparklers and sang happy birthday again and ate more cake…
Next morning we wandered around with garbage bags and hid the evidence and J and I and Mum and bro and S-i-l sat on the back verandah in the sun in our pjs and listened to the pond and drank tea and had a fry up and stepped over the toys and wrapping and ran the dishwasher twice and drank more tea and ate leftover chips and chocolate.
And then I went to the gym and ran 10km on the treadmill and this morning I swam before work.
And last night I went around and stuck little signs saying “don’t kid yourself” on the wine rack and the pantry and the fridge, because it’s time I acknowledged that what I’m doing is not getting me where I want to go.
More anon, groovers

Happy 3rd Birthday Noddie

Little did I know three years ago, my little sweetheart, that the happiest time of my life was about to begin.













Happy birthday darling girl

BOO-YAH!

(warning: post contains shameless skiting)

2006 Postgraduate Diploma in Psychology

Practical and Applied Skills - 82%
Theory of Applied Psychology - 84%
Research Design and Analysis - 84%

*Does VERY HAPPY dance*

Feelings?
50% screaming WOOOOOOOOOOO F#$%ING HOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I DID IT!!!!!!!I DID IT!!!!!!!!
50% (deep exhale) I'll just sleep for two weeks now if nobody minds, and maybe have a little cry
(and 100% FIGJAM, baby!!!!)

Can I do it?

I've just noticed that I still have 166km to go to reach my 2006 goal of running 1000km - and 49 days to do it in.
And a triathlon to do, so I have to ride my bike sometimes. And fit in a swim from time to time. Oh, and go to work. And manage the house. But not study! Hee hee!
And cold germs to fight off - even the mighty Spousal Unit has been felled by this one, so I am chugalugging the echinacea and Vit C AGAIN.
I might have to throw away my get-out-of-training-free card - I usually turn off the alarm if I have to get up to Noddie more than once. No longer! Sleep is for blokes.
But somehow I'm having trouble getting all het up about 'getting there'. I'm not madly planning and stragetising about how to fit it all in and make it all happen. Is this laziness, or balance? Am I losing my drive, or being 'zen'? Blowed if I know.

This week has lots of exciting things to look forward to. Our uni marks will be ready on Friday! Let's see how many marks I'll take into 2007, the year of the Thesis. I worked as hard and smart as I could so I'm really hoping for a good outcome.
And darling Noddie turns three on Saturday, God bless her. Her party will be so much fun, and so will the adults' afterparty!
more anon, revellers :)

well fancy that

Thanks so much for the supportive comments - they really do help. LBTEPA's evil whiny twin has had her splash in the self-pity pool and left the premises for the moment.

I’ve just come back from the bike shop. The mystery clunk that has enlivened recent rides has been fixed. I consulted several brainy friends as to its probable cause so as to not appear a complete nuffy to the all-knowing bike shop blokes. I don’t think I fooled them though! It was a bearing in the axle – spot on J., and Chris from work, well done! And I found out that my 13 year old bike is actually far too big for me – so there you go. The bike bloke adjusted my seat to the ‘right’ height, which will feel very odd when I ride tomorrow!
*UPDATE: it felt very odd, but in a more efficient and ergonomically better way*

Noddie-the-germ-magnet has come home with yet another disgusting plague so we are all a bit peaky – Noddie had a two-hour sleep this afternoon so I could have a nap myself (thank you God), and the poor Spousal Unit is asleep on the couch after I pumped him full of echinacea and vit C. Speed training at the gym was really hard, but there was no other time I could thrash myself into a beetroot-faced lather under those oh-so-flattering fluorescent lights amidst throngs of youthful single-digit body fat types, so I had to go then. And now it’s done I can eat pizza and drink smugly instead of guiltily.
Does anyone know how to put a table in the sidebar? I’ve come up with an insanely complex and ridiculously gung-ho exercise schedule and I want to keep track of how often I manage all the sessions.

PARENTS ONLY NEWS: (don’t say I didn’t warn you) – there is wild excitement in our house because NODDIE HAS DONE POO IN THE TOILET EVERY DAY THIS WEEK!!! Praise has been lavished and many chocolate frogs bestowed – I know, I know, food rewards = food issues in later life, but we were desperate…and I can intoduce an intermittent reinforcement schedule from here on…..and she can always write a book later about how I ruined her life and make heaps of money (*looking on the bright side*)
More anon, friends :)

sometimes you're the bug, sometimes you're the windscreen

There’s something about the huge, headachingly gritted-teeth, not speaking harshly, desperate-temper-keeping-so-as-not-to-provoke-an-infuriating-reflex-“NO!” part of a day spent with a tired almost-3 year old, while simultaneously doing the post–holiday cleaning and washing and devising a stream of distractions/not-too-challenging-but-not-just-TV activities, and trying to enjoy being with her and feeling guilty and dreadful because I love her more than anything but almost hate her when she’s being so very contrary, that makes me want to EAT. And eat. And eat.
Anaesthesia by carbs.
And Noddie’s food is so yummy and comforting – mmmmmmmm vegemite sandwiches, baked beans, vegie burgers……
But I didn’t steal any while I was preparing it. Or cleaning it up off the floor. And I didn’t eat any of her leftovers.

The chardonnay was not so lucky.

I did the best I could yesterday. I’ll do better next time.

Non-whingeing news:
My new Habit of the Week (HOTW) = drink at least 1.5L of water every day. People swear by it, so I'll give it a bash.
I ran twice over the weekend, totalling 18km. FIGJAM, eh?

What a great city this is

to have a public holiday for a horse race! No such luck for the Spousal Unit in the brutal world of retail - but at least he got to start an hour later (at 8.00) so I could exhibit extreme keenness and go out on my bike for an hour before he left. I've been fired up by the brilliant performances of Nancy, Bolder and Kahuna in Ironman Florida on Sunday - we were absolutely glued to the live feed from the race all afternoon. Isn't technology wonderful? It was fascinating, and very inspiring, to see all the athletes come across the line in real time.
If only I could get some of their undoubted dietary discipline!(makes sad and disappointed-with-self face). Still, I no longer drink diet coke, and I will keep on trying to eliminate "extras". I'm still in a bit of post-uni shock so I think it will take me a while to transfer that energy to other projects.
On to more critical issues - what to back in the Cup? I'm torn between Tawqueet and Poprock but my Mum, an astute judge of the neddies, is backing Mandela so I may have to drop a bob or two on that as well. Noddie is all set for her first visit to the TAB. Don't tell the Good Mum police!
BTW I cut 3cm off my hair by myself on Sunday b/c it was giving me the pip, and because I was Over Excited watching the Ironman - and it actually looks better. (*beams*)
Ooops Playschool has just finished so today's 'me-time' is OVAH.

More anon, punters!

Go east, young woman!

Even after 9 hours sleep last night I feel flat and overwhelmed by lassitude today.

The exam was really intense but I think I did ok.

We had an eventful trip to Mum & Dad's involving many adventures
- missing the train by the length of an escalator. Many thanks to you Ms couldn't-give-a-rat's-arse ticket office woman, for your swift and helpful service. NOT. Here's the raised digit I was too shattered to give you yesterday. Also thanks to the architects for their inspired placement of the east-bound trains at the extreme west side of the station, accessible from the ticket office only by way of a long eastbound concourse, two escalators and the entire width of the station, meaning we actually had to cover the distance twice to get there. Just too late. With a four hour wait until the next train.
- kicking a pole several times and saying 'bloody Spencer St" - which Noddie has since recounted to Gran, Grandad, and Daddy over the phone.
- not crying. Gold medal stiff upper lip award to LBTEPA.
- eating our breakfast together on the platform while we regrouped and worked out our next plan. Noddie and Teddy were troupers. Southern Cross Station is a gorgeous piece of architecture when you're not trying to catch an east-bound train.
- catching the next east-bound train, which only went half way, and taking advantage of my saintly mother's offer to pick us up. I was almost tearful with gratitude - it's not as though she has nothing to do with her day but make a 3-hour round drive.
- marching Noddie up to the charming and tolerant conductor to apologise for pressing the emergency button while we were in the toilet. It was just before a stop so for a horrified moment I thought we'd stopped the train!! Tip for Mums - those buttons are placed low down - do not turn your back for an instant!
- buying Mum a coffee as a thankyou and leaving it on top of the car so it fell off when we drove away.
- laughing hysterically the rest of the day whenever we mentioned the coffee.

This morning we have sat on the back verandah in the sun, been down the street, had a coffee, bought a new top and a Playschool video and had our lunch. We are listening to the races and a horse called Ankh Morpork is running in the Derby. All is well. Real life can start again next week.

Go visiting

Not me - it's me and Theory of Applied Psychology until 4.10pm tomorrow, and then I have a date with the best champagne the LaTrobe Bar can dish out - but you!
A bunch of people I've met online are lining up at Ironman Florida this weekend. These individuals are very inspiring to me. Pop over and wish Bolder,Nancy, and Kahuna kindness from the Race Gods. Stop by and tell Jeanne that she is a LEGEND for taking ALMOST AN HOUR off her marathon time on Sunday!
Off you go, have fun!
You'll probably not hear from me until the weekend as Noddie and I are off to Gran's (300km away) on the train on Friday morning!! I love train journeys and Noddie is obsessed by all forms of public transport. The Spousal Unit will drive up after work on Saturday night. Hurrah for adventures!!