Now the plan is this.....

Orrighty

2012-01-29T08:08:00.001+11:00

As soon as I finish this cup of tea, Operation "I know there's an athlete in here somewhere" will commence!
More anon, yellow brick road followers!

I was right

2012-01-13T13:12:00.004+11:00

Team LBTEPA's Big US Trip continues apace. We have swum with manatees - the most wonderful experience! - and eaten Key Lime pie in Key West, which is an absolutely top place. You should go there as soon as possible. Tomorrow we go snorkelling in Marathon Key - how could I resist? - then maybe a day trip to Miami (better get myself a white jacket and some reflecting shades), then off to Cape Kennedy for some rocket science. After that we are Kona-bound, for snorkelling and volcanoes and a run along Ali'i drive (I hope)!
I was right. It did absolutely break my heart to walk around Disney World and see all the runners with their Goofy medals. I didn't begrudge them their bling for one second - I know how hard you have to work to even think about Goofy - I was just so sad that I would never get one. I'd consoled myself that I might at least walk through the magic castle but when I got there it was blocked off. I don't like to upset the Spousal Unit and Noddie so I went and looked at the moat and pretended I had something in my eyes. I sat next to a Goofy runner on the bus back to the airport and I ended up telling her my sad tale; she asked had I been along to watch any of the races and then interrupted herself, no, you wouldn't have, it would be much too sad.
Four days later my heart is still broken but at least the sharp pieces aren't stabbing me every time I think about The Big Dream That Died.
On that note: today in Key West, we walked and walked and walked for five hours (it's a brilliant place, you should go there Straight Away) and MY FOOT DIDN'T HURT. For the first time since October I spent an entire day without feeling as though there was a piece of glass in my shoe. This is A Good Thing. A Very Very Good Thing.
More anon, buccaneers!

Goofy times

2012-01-08T13:42:00.004+11:00

Travelling update: Disney World is INSANE (but in a pretty and very well-ke pt way). The stage shows and 3D shows are BRILLIANT. The place we are staying is comfortable and friendly and fun and there's plenty of more than acceptable food. We've overcome our confusion at the upside down light switches and the sweet bread and have learned to speak very slowly and clearly so people can understand our exotic foreign accents. Despite being cross-eyed with tiredness after flying from Honolulu via Denver, we went to the Magic Kingdom the first night we were here to see the parade and the fireworks. It was magic. So beautiful. We're going back in daylight tomorrow to hit some more rides (and quite probably buy another t-shirt).
It's very very hard to be around people wearing Donald Duck medals (for the half) here, and I expect it will be harder tomorrow when I see people with all three of the Goofy medals, but I am, as always, keeping the old LBTEPA chin up, riding the heck out of roller coasters with Noddie, and refraining from eating chips.More anon, bigears!

My bad

2012-01-05T17:01:00.003+11:00

as the young'uns would say.
I have been a slack, slack blogger, but in my defence I have been busy - since last I wrote I have
- hosted Christmas lunch
- spent time wth my brother, s-i-l and 3yo nephew down for the holidays
- thrown a 50th barbecue for the Spousal Unit. Happy birthdy darl!
- found an eleventh-hour house-sitter (phew!)
- finished up work for the year
- cleaned the house to within an inch of its life
- packed for the three of us to go away for a month
- made the #$%! cash card work by sheer force of will
- celebrated new year's eve with friends in Melbourne
- started the new year with a swim and ended it 38 hours later IN HONOLULU
- sipped tea and looked out over Honoluu from our 36th floor balcony
- visited Pearl Harbour, Waikiki Beach, Iolani Palace, and the Bishop museum
- eaten my bodyweight in Korean food, sent 10 post cards and bought far too many t-shirts
In addition to this, I have come up with the theme for 2012. If I was the type for retrospectives I would have to sum up 2011 as the year of wallowing. A bunch of mild-to-moderately crap stuff happened, certainly. My foot is nowhere near better. But things got me down. I got very very down. After my foot got hurt I Just Gave Up.
Well NO MORE. I will continue with the strength/core work. If swimming is what I can do then I will swim. I will get better. I am dreaming of a slow 100m on Ali'i drive in two weeks' time but it doesn't seem at all likely. A walk might have to suffice. Cross your fingers for me.
So the theme?
2012 is hereby THE YEAR OF NOT WALLOWING.
And not eating chips.
We are about to get the shuttle bus to the airport to catch the redeye to Florida via Denver so I'd better go.
More anon, gallivanters!

To my five faithful readers

2011-12-25T11:00:00.001+11:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Wonderful

2011-12-21T10:47:00.010+11:00

The most wonderful thing happened the other day. I woke up one morning and I'd stopped feeling ashamed of my body. Yes! After 30+ years of wrestling with self-shame, self-blame and not good enough, I finally accept my whole self. I cannot believe how nice it is to see my belly in the mirror and not judge myself for it. Harsh thoughts do flit along from time to time, of course, but now I notice them and think, oh yes, I used to buy into that s#$*. I don't struggle with them any more. I just let them be and they get bored and slink off.
It's a strange time for this to happen, being as I'm at my heaviest ever and unfittest for years. But it's good. Being kind to oneself is so restful! It means I can buy a couple of one-size-larger t-shirts for my holiday so I'll look nice and be comfortable, without self-judgement or justification. I look at my slightly-too-small clothes now and feel mildly irritated that my outfit choices are more limited than is completely convenient, rather than diving into the I am such a lazy loser pool and having a good splash.
But how did this happen? you ask, (as well you might). I've been actively challenging my thoughts about size for quite a while, since I realised that nearly every day began with an upended bucket of harsh as I stood on the scales or saw myself as I dressed. This is not how I want to live. Nor is successful weight-control = personal worth an attitude I wish to pass on to my beautiful Noddie.
Initially I was much more successful at changing my thoughts about others than those about myself. I recall my physio commenting that my podiatrist could stand to lose some weight. Could he? I asked. Hadn't you noticed? he said. My reply was, I don't look at people that way - and I was happy to realise that this was true.
I was determined to cultivate a more peaceful and loving way of being. I kept noticing my self-critical, self-hating thoughts and allowing them to pass. I kept being kind to myself and reading great blogs and thinking new thoughts that were in line with my values.
And then one day I woke up and I knew that I was completely ok.
I don't think this means I will never actively seek to lose weight again. The habits that led to this weight gain are not particularly conducive to good long-term health , nor are they compatible with endurance sport. But the difference now is that regardless of what happens as a result of my efforts or where I am in the change process, I will not be ashamed. I will never "fail". I will always be good enough, no matter what.
And so will you.
Merry Christmas, darls!

2011-12-17T08:38:00.004+11:00

We were in the travel agent yesterday becuase we're GOING TO AMERICA IN TWO WEEKS OH MY GOODNESS HOW EXCITING! The agent has just come back from Disney World so was telling us all about how sensational it is and which rides we NEED to go on (Noddie and I are complete ride-heads so we are MADLY excited). Then she gave us a brochure with a map and photos of the Magic Castle and I thought I won't be running through there and I could have just laid my head down on the desk and howled. But I didn't. And the bright pink (Noddie's) and bright red (mine) suede passport covers (with diamantes!) have arrived and I've worked out how to transform dvd files into avi files so we can watch them on the new teeny laptop. So all is well.
But if ONE MORE PERSON says but you'll be able to do it another year or there are other races or you're still going to America anyway, aren't you?, I'll, I'll just....I'll just hang my head and say, that's true. You're right.
In other news: I have heaved myself off the Couch o' Self-Pity and been doing a bit of cycling out in the fresh air and sunshine. I've really enjoyed it, but every time I go my stupid foot gets horribly painful and takes 2-3 days to settle down again. Bloody upsetting. I've belatedly realised that riding a bike on the road is biomechanically completely different from working out on the bike trainer HELLO CAPTAIN OBVIOUS, so it's back to watching other people run while I spin away indoors. This trial-and-error method of rehab is doing my head in. My physio seems to be a great diagnostician but really crap at treatment. He just told me to 'strengthen my core' (umm, HOW?) and 'let pain be your guide' to returning to running. This is NOT as specific a set of decision criteria as I would normally use. He said he doesn't need to see me any more and that it's up to me and the podiatrist from now on. WHAT? I do not feel confident about managing this on my own yet. I worry all the time that what I'm doing is a waste of time, or even making things worse.
But you know what? Now that I've realised that this feeling of not knowing what to do and having no-one to help or guide me is part of the deep sadness of this whole situation, I can start to dig my way out of this pit. I've pinched a core/strength program from the mighty Erin and modified it so I can do it most days. I've been swimming, and my poor bike Minerva is back on the trainer in the study. It doesn't matter if I feel worried or lost. I CAN DO THIS.
Now must be off and start making another Christmas cake because the one I made last week was of such a magnificent melting richness that we have already eaten a fair bit of it.
More anon, yuletiders!

Truthful

2011-12-14T10:20:00.005+11:00

Since I saw you last I have completed
3x sessions of stretching/core exercises
1x swim
2x bike rides, although my foot hurts after them which is a worry.
1x 2km walk with no foot pain. 2 whole kilometres. How the mighty fall, eh?
Daily epic battles with don't wanna and maybe later and how did I get so weak so quickly, this is awful why don't I just stop? So far it's LBTEPA 3, bleating 0.
No sense of "I'm baaaack, baby!" as yet, although I live in hope. I've noticed that the nice feeling of permanent slight muscle fatigue has returned. Progress is progress.

I've sort of been feeling as though I should apologise to my five faithful readers for all the bleating of the last few weeks. I do know that it's not really 'serious' or the end of the world that I can't do Goofy. We're going to Disney World and swimming with manatees and looking at volcanoes, for heaven's sake! But the other day I read a Woody Allen quote where he said I don't get angry, I internalise it and grow a tumour and I thought, that's why I have my blog. Sometimes I need to write stuff down to see its shape and to put it in a space outside my head. I like having lots of readers and comments and so on, but if I have to choose between that and writing something I need to write, well sorry darls and do pop by when you're next in town. This is where I practice being kind to myself, so I can do it on the hop out in the real world when I'm failing at being perfect.
Anyway just wanted to say that.
This afternoon is the tri club Christmas barbie. I haven't raced all season of course. I have been really dreading showing up to anything, all lardy and slow as always but without Goofy awesomeness to protect me. I'm still going. Fear is not a reason to pike.

More anon, sweaters!

2011-12-11T16:17:00.007+11:00

It wasn't yesterday; it was three days ago. But this time I mean it. I do.
It's so hard though. Much harder than I remember.
I just must keep reminding myself that I've done this before. Climbing over flab and weakness and inertia and doubt is always miserable in the beginning.

I will post on Tuesday with a truthful report.
More anon, scriveners!

Not so bad in the grand scheme of things

2011-12-08T08:06:00.005+11:00

SCENE: a physiotherapist's treatment room
LBTEPA: soooo (feigning unconcern)...roughly how long do these things usually take to resolve?
(a pause ensues, during which LBTEPA wishes she hadn't asked)
Physio: well it's one of those how long is a piece of string things, but usually between four and six months. Sometimes a lot longer.
LBTEPA: Oh.

Thinks: Ohhhhh-kaaaay......Right. Jolly good.
Thinks: I. NEED. BUBBLES.
Thinks: I'm sad

SOME TIME LATER:
Thinks: Righto. Time to HTFU and get in the stupid pool.
Thinks: I'm sad

More anon, adventurers!

Yay

2011-12-02T13:47:00.006+11:00

Rehab instructions:
- lie on back
- activate core muscles BUT NOT ABS no no noooo that's what people with WEAK cores do
1. raise bent knee slightly x10
2. raise straight leg slightly x10
3. with knees together and both feet on floor, raise buttocks slightly x10
- repeat x 2/daily x 2 weeks
- consciously activate core with every single step you take feel unco-ordinated and tired
- wear flat mary-jane shoes all the time becuase they'll hold your orthotics feel frumpy, also shallow: so many people have far worse problems than missing their pretty shoes
- be constantly aware how unbalanced and painful it still is to walk feel disheartened
- hope to goodness you'll be ok to walk around disneyworld four weeks from now feel worried
- wonder if there's any point booking accommodation for Gold Coast next year feel sad
- pretend you're not bothered. There are Christmas-happy tap-dancing kids and blokes with broken ribs to look after!* Plannning and wrapping and preparing and packing to be done! Insouciance-R-Us! Yay!
- remember that mince pies fix everything

mmmmmm........... mince pies...............

more anon, yuletiders!
*J barrel-rolled his go-kart last Sunday. Can anyone say LUCKY BLOODY ESCAPE? I have asked him to not do it again, or at least wait until I am not watching.

Lost in space

2011-11-29T18:30:00.004+11:00

Apart from the rehab exercises, I haven't broken a sweat in, ummm... counts under breath five days. I don't feel like it. I don't even miss it. I feel odd - not bad or unhappy or anything, just a bit numb and lost. As though I'm floating. Ridiculous self-indulgence is all it is. I need a bloody good smack upside of the head. Count your damn blessings and get off your sorry arse, woman!
And another thing - we're going to America in four weeks (!!!!) and I'm not that excited. Mild interest about sums it up. I don't think I actually believe it. Any of it. I really do need a good smack upside of the head.

this arrived in the post on Thursday

2011-11-26T17:59:00.004+11:00

I'd forgotten I'd ordered it. I really like it.
What three words would you hang around your neck?

I did it

2011-11-23T10:30:00.013+11:00

A salutory tale in which our heroine learns that slackness never goes unpunished.
I went back to the physio last night. He looked at my foot again and got me to stand on one leg (which is quite tricky) and then lie down and raise my leg and then looked at my shoes. Then he told me that my core muscles are so pathetically weak that they have created torsion from my hip all the way down to my toes which is why my foot (and everything else) is buggered. Basically catastrophic overload of poor biomechanics. I now have many difficult exercises to do involving activation of the core muscles independent of the abs. Many people can do this easily, I gather. I hate them all.
This kills me. You see, I've had this problem before, about seven years ago after I had Noddie. I wasn't running so much then so it presented as mostly hip pain. My physio and I worked really hard for ages to sort it all out and make my core strong and active and all that a core should be. Over the years, though, I somehow got into the mindset that it was all fixed so I didn't need to worry about it any more...and I stopped doing my core exercises. This last year it's been all I could do to get the running done, what with the move and uni and J struggling at work and me being sick, let alone cross-training and strength work excuses excuses bleat bleat blah blah blah.
That'll teach me. If you fail to be diligent about things they will sneak up and bite you, and take your Goofy medals.
I've had a good cry about this whole mess and will probably sook some more but the milk is well and truly spilt now and I just have to suck it up. That came out wrong. Eewww.

I've always said that if you can't be a good example then be a dire warning. You're welcome.
More anon.

WWaAD?

2011-11-21T11:07:00.011+11:00

I've stopped crying over the fact that I won't be doing the only thing really I wanted to do or bringing home the only souvenir I really wanted from this whole J's Bucket List/Big 5-0 US Dream Trip. These things happen. No-one stole my birthday. I'm still sad. It's ok to be sad when a Big Dream dies. Not to mention having to wear flat shoes All The Time oh the trauma.
When I'd run out of sparkling shiraz and dark chocolate with rum and raisin (it's go hard or go home here at the LBTEPA Emotional Wallowing Centre), I sat on the couch icing my poor sore foot ow ow ow and asked myself a question.
I'm an athlete. It says so in my sidebar.
What Would an Athlete Do?
An athlete wouldn't sit on the couch bleating about her rapidly expanding rear end, that's for sure. There are far more important things to bleat about, like my poor sore foot ow ow ow, boring rehab exercises and my ugly flat shoes oh the trauma. An athlete would HTFU and BE AN ATHLETE.
So I got the F#$% up off the couch, and got the F#$% onto my bike and into the pool.
ROOOAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!

More anon, my ducklings

Out.

2011-11-16T22:15:00.004+11:00

Sms to the Spousal Unit:
sports physio says sub-talar joint is bad, possible heel spur needs x-ray maybe cortisone, biomechanical problems making things worse. No running min 3 months. Goofy is f#$%ed.
After the appointment I just sat in the car for about 20 minutes. I just couldn't move.
Then I went to the supermarket and bought some chocolate and sprkling shiraz.

Bugger, eh?

More anon.

Sunday seven

2011-11-13T08:06:00.006+11:00

1. still icing my poor sore foot every hour or so.Still wearing flat shoes oh the trauma.
2. still not running. The podiatrist said we should wait at least another week before I even try it. After the last attempt a couple of weeks ago, when it was a bit sore at first then settled down then suddenly felt as though I was being STABBED with every step and then hurt like #$%& #$%&ing #$%& for days and days and days, I'm sticking with caution. It still gets more and more painful as the day wears on which is a worry.
3. I'm not sure I really like my new podiatrist. I want someone to tell me if you do x then y will happen, preferably with x = ice and rest for a few more days and y = completely recover and be able to run without worrying about it ever again. That's not his way, apparently; he's more a we'd better take it carefully for another two weeks and then make a decision from there. Boo. At least he's made me some orthotics that actually do something.
4. I feel flabby and weak, and irritable, and hungry, only not really hungry, just irritably hungry. I am putting in some bike trainer time and have been swimming once but it's all so depressing.
5. I've watched a couple of incredible documentaries while I've been sweating in one spot. One was about two young blokes who kayaked from Oz to New Zealand. At the finish, one chap commented that doing amazing things and chasing down big dreams wasn't so much about the doing itself, but about coming home at the end and living a richer life becuase of what you'd done. I love that. The other one was about the Pikes Peak race in the US, which makes Goofy look like a pathetic doddle. Lots of gravity involved there.
6. I'm so sad to hear about Peter Roebuck's death. Nobody's said anything about a cause yet, which usually means that the person found life's path too rocky to struggle along any longer.
7. Sometimes I've got my head around the fact that Goofy is pretty much stuffed, and sometimes I haven't. Le sigh.....

More anon, philosophers!

what, me worry?

2011-11-07T14:07:00.010+11:00

Here at the LBTEPA Institute for Behavioural Modification, the cycle of tape-ice-ibuprofen-wear-flat-shoes-feel-sad-worry-about-Goofy-weigh-myself-feel-worse continues. I'm sorry if I'm letting the side down but there you have it. As I bleated to the ever-supportive Spousal Unit yesterday, most of my other marathons have been #$%*ing train wrecks, I don't know why I thought this one would be any different (the Institute includes a Self-Pity Pool for daily wallowing). The Spousal Unit, bless him, said I've always finished my marathons before even with utterly crap preparation, so I shouldn't worry hahahahahahahaha.
But you know what the thing is? The thing is, I expect to get sick in the winter. Totally across that. Over it, but across it. It happens. It's been well over two years since I was injured, though. More than two years, and this rat-bastard plantar fasciitis decides to move in and hang aound now? When I've paid huge amounts of money to fly the family across the world and race 63.3kms over two days, less than 9 weeks from now? I feel very very sad about this, and very scared as well. I wake up at night and try to reframe it or feel hopeful or make some kind of Plan and I can't. I just don't know what to do.
Let us, then, wheel out the boffins and study this scientifically. As my saintly mum would say, what's the worst thing that could happen?
In no particular order:
- my foot isn't better enough to even have a go at the half when the mighty Mary Sunshine has coughed up airfares and race fees to come all the way to Florida from Ohio and run with me.
- I run and get injured and the rest of the holiday is stuffed up for the others.
- I run and can't finish under the cutoff = no bling and huge, huge disappointment.
- everybody I've yapped to for this whole year of planning for my Big Dream why do I talk so much? Why? asks me how it went and I have to tell them I didn't get it done. Because I was injured. And then the sneering, patronising, condescending you're pathetic you're lazy you're not good enough you've let everyone down I knew you couldn't do it demons will eat me.
I need to share something about Big Dreams with you, my five faithful readers. The worst thing about them is that even though you know they're stupid and unimportant in the grand scheme of things, you still work stupidly hard for them and you love them stupidly dearly and the thought of losing them is just too horrid to contemplate.
I. Need. A. Plan.
Thanks to the Spousal Unit, I have one (not "don't worry about it sweety" which while well meant is infuriatingly unhelpful and will get him a dong on the noggin if he keeps it up).
The Plan Is This:
Do everything possible to start the half marathon with the mighty Mary Sunshine! Woot!
If I finish in time and in one piece, decide whether to have a crack at the full.
The flaw in this plan is of course that it only covers Jan 7th and 8th. I might have to occupy myself in the meantime with some freestyle freaking out (is that an Olympic sport?) unless someone has any better ideas. Don't say "get stuck into the chardy" either because I've reformed but am terribly easily led.
More anon, bravehearts!

She will wear them with panache

2011-11-03T21:07:00.007+11:00

My awesome new shoes arrived today, and because I can't wear them while I am recovering from plantar fasciitis (and some other awful-sounding ankle/achilles thing that I forget the name of), now properly diagnosed by a real live physio, as opposed to Dr G00gle - who was spot on, btw - which means no running at all except in the pool (bike workouts are ok though) for at least another week and maybe up to three more weeks, I gave them to my Mum because she looked stunning in them.

no running at all for maybe up to three more weeks

It's 63 days until Goofy
What am I going to do?

The lengths to which I will go

2011-11-02T09:31:00.011+11:00

Because I am absolutely dedicated to Goofy (=recovering from this stupid sore foot asafp), I wore flat shoes to the races. On Cup Day.
Flat shoes = pants = NO HAT = nowayIcan'tbelieveyoudidthatwowyouaresodedicated
I can't believe it either but I can prove it. Look! More anon, flutterers!

more ow

2011-10-30T13:54:00.005+11:00

ANNOUNCEMENT: LBTEPA's sore foot has been diagnoosed as plantar fasciitis ow ow ow. Treatment will involve no running for at least a week. LBTEPA is concerned-bordering-on-panicky but intends to maintain an attitude of cheerful stocisim.
Any tales of miraculous recoveries from PF involving her five faithful readers, their friends, relatives, acquaintances, or indeeed random persons of whom they have only heard on the interwebs would be greatly appreciated.
More anon.

Bastard.

Ow

2011-10-26T10:14:00.009+11:00

Sunday's run was really encouraging even though it was very very weird to set out in daylight. It got quite hot by the time I got home, possibly becuase of that strange glowing orb in the sky. I haven't seen it for so long I couldn't really remember what it was. I was literally dripping on the kitchen floor when I got back can anyone say ewwwww? even though I'd taken the camelbak and polished off nearly 2 litres of water in 3 hours. The hardest thing about the run was thinking about doing it - I think I'm more mentally than physically tired of running at the 'mo. It was such a lovely day; I took my time through the paddocks and along the river and still finished 21k under Goofy pace.
I must warn my five faithful readers that Goofy is the current LBTEPA oh no oh no this (tiny insignificant thing du jour) will ruin everything freakout topic. It is likely to remain so, and to significantly intensify, over the next 72 daysyou'rejokingsosoonI'llneverbeready ohdearohdearohdear...... which brings me to my current freakout - and please don't say I told you so becuase I know. I know adjusting my orthotic with a paring knife and a hammer was stupid. What can I say? I blame taper madness. All right, that's a lie. I blame myself; it was a stupid, stupid, stupid thing to do and no wonder my foot really hurts. I'm off to the podiatrist this afternoon to confess and hope it won't take three weeks to fix because then I am stuffed.
Oh, and thank you all so much for your wise words on my last post. I bought those shoes.

UPDATE: All is well, if by "all is well" one means "my current orthotics bear no relationship to either my feet or my gait problems whatsoever so I am having new ones made by someone who actually looked at my feet and my runners and listened to what I said. My sore foot will go away (the soreness. Not the foot. Don't be silly) if I ice it and wear some over-the-counter insoles while the new orthotics are spun from unicorn manes, or whatever they make them from that makes them cost so much. Yay. Goofy lives on!

Things that make you go hmm...

2011-10-22T08:38:00.005+11:00

I've been grappling with a couple of very difficult quandaries.
1. There is a bloke I know of who has (ahem) "completed" 140 marathons. He is in his late 60s (I think) and finishes around the 6.5-7 hour mark. He is very happy to show off and take the accolades for his "achievements". This man is a cheat. He shaves the course. I know this to be true, having witnessed it myself on more than one occasion. Other members of Team SD have also observed him doing this. He is a pathetic liar and a disgrace.
But the thing is, I know another bloke. This other bloke is a top bloke. A skinnyfast himself, he is kind and encouraging and helpful to those not so genetically gifted in relation to their chosen sport. He also knows this first bloke. He is not aware of this bloke's habits and thinks of him as a never-say-die inspiration to all back-of-the-packers. He speaks of him as such to others.
Do I tell him?
And the other question:
2. Does it still count as an impulse-buy if you've been lusting after something for weeks?I await your counsel, oh wise ones!
More anon, puzzlers

What was I thinking?

2011-10-16T21:37:00.007+11:00

Quite often when I couldn't stand thinking about the Melbourne Marathon, I'd cast my mind past the unimaginable to What I Would Do Afterward. Difficult to picture, of course - as a Very Slow Marathon looms it eats up the attention and imagination. Marathon day is somehow the End Of Time.
It's always a bit of a shock to find oneself having finished another one. It also means it's time to revisit those imaginings and make them real. Or not. This week I've felt so weary it's been almost impossible to envisage doing Goofy in aaarrgghh 81days aarrgghh. I went for a run today and it felt as though I hadn't been out for weeks. My legs and mind were all, pardon? You want us to do what? Didn't we just do quite a LOT of that? Got it done though, and it wasn't too terrible. I dug out my heart rate monitor as a bit of an experiment and tried to stay in the 60-75% zone. It was interesting, especially when it started to pour just as I was going up a hill - hello 15 extra bpm!
But back to all that "after Melbourne I'm gunna...."It's crossed my mind that keeping on doing what I was doing would do (as it were). I did finish VSM#5, after all. That, I must let you know, is when I slapped myself upside of the head and gave myself a good talking to. I'm not doing another Very Slow Marathon on stupid determination and the smell of an oily rag. I'm not. I need to get started doing what I thought about when I wasn't thinking about VSM#5.
So what was I thinking?
Less booze. I think I mentioned this a little while ago. The Spousal Unit is helping me. I'm certainly not against the demon drink per se (QED) but the pattern get tired and sad-drink-eat-miss training will not get me what I want. And as my five faithful readers know, life on Planet LBTEPA is all about getting what I want.
Swim, swim, swim! Lots of reasons for this. My core muscles need beefing up. I have noticed a diminution in my upper body strength which does not please me. Swimming makes me all happy and in a good mood and tightens up my upper arms, which (if such a thing is conceivable), could be said to be the least perfect part of the LBTEPA physique. We're going to Hawaii and I haven't swum for months! What if I've forgotten how?
Consecutive runs. Eww! I am going to challenge the 'ol fear of injury and JFDI. The very sketchy Schedule at this stage is Monday morning swim (although my lazy disorganised twin already stuffed that up this week, the tiresome b$#%, so I will have to choose between the pool and grocery shopping after tea tonight, le sigh...), Tuesday and Thursday shorter runs, Saturday long run, Sunday shorter run. A spin on either Wednesday or Friday. Oh my but just reading that makes me tired. Note to self: keep up the vitmains!
I must not get caught up in the ohcrapAGAINwhatwasIthinkingit'salltoohardI'mtiredIcan't. I must focus on how cool Goofy is going to be.

Soon you will be mine, my pretties.....soon.....

More anon, bling-hounds!

Saturday

2011-10-15T17:36:00.001+11:00

Today I actually felt like doing some exercise.

Race report: Melbourne Marathon 2011

2011-10-11T07:28:00.018+11:00

Just to either ruin the punchline or prevent any skerrick of anxiety from causing the slightest modicum of stress to any of my five faithful readers, VSM#5 went well...considering.
Especiallly (cue sinister music) the fact that on Thursday I commented to the Spousal Unit that it's actually a good thing I rolled my ankle, 'cause otherwise I'd be FREAKING OUT about this bloody chest.
Ha, missed that in the waterfall of whingeing over the last couple of weeks, didn't you? The Cough was back, with its horrible mates crook, achy and exhausted.
But as always, optimism being the LBTEPA way, I swallowed my despair and terror (sounds as though I thought this was really important, doesn't it?) and Acted As If things were going to be ok. I slept, I hydrated, I took my medicine. I strapped and iced and rested my ankle and hoped for the best. I sang the national anthem at the start line. I'd got away with it! Or so I thought...
But I digress.
I met up with the Mighty Emma and her husband R at our hotel on the Saturday. She was irritatingly perky and excited about our next big adventure. The kilometre from the station to our hotel had felt like a very long way to me so I wanted to slap her. Fortunately, over the course of the day these opposing moods oscillated back and forth so when she was a teary fearful mess I was all positive and resolute (and I expect she had to restrain herself from slapping me). After I'd had a nice sleep the Spousal Unit and Noddie arrived and we went out for dinner blah blah blah nervous chatter pre-race preparation (race nails etc) and off to bed.
Race day. Drizzly, a bit cold. The atmosphere at the start was wonderful - so much excitment! And so lovely to see so many friends again. I'm smiling just thinking about it.
I don't use a garmin so my strategy for the first 10km or so was to keep the mighty Emma in sight because I knew she was planning on a similar pace to mine. I felt good along St Kilda Rd and around Albert Park although the cutoff time when they wouldn't let you turn right onto the full marathon course was always at the back of my mind. I may have gone out a bit fast becuase of this, I don't know. Becuase of my limited preparation and having been sick during the week, I really didn't have much idea what I was capable of. I tried to hold back, but... maybe I should get a garmin? I dunno.
Anyway, I got to the cutoff point under the time. The half marathoners were well on their way by that stage. The elites floated by like angels. I loved to watch them. As an aside - if you're thinking of doing a Very Slow Marathon, make sure you put your name on your shirt, in big letters and preferably accompanied by a memorable slogan. My Stupidly Determined shirt got me so much encouragement! And if you're watching a Very Slow marathon, please do call out to people with names on their shirts! They appreciate it more than you could possibly know.
Down the hill we went, with all the fast runners steaming up toward us. I felt tired watching them working so hard, which was not a good sign. Off down the beach we went, into the most vile, bitter headwind you can imagine. F*** it was windy. I had been going nicely with run two songs: walk one until this point but as I got colder (did I mention this wind came with occasional face-stinging squalls?) I started to become aware that I didn't have as much in the tank as I'd foolishly/optimistically hoped. It was still a very long way home and I would have to start adjusting The Plan so I could get there. Run one:walk one it was, from 17-27km. The northern turnaround was my favourite place in the world becuase I was finally out of the wind. Eight km of tail wind and then only three back into its teeth before we headed back toward the city. I could deal with that. On and on I trundled. I'd started to cough a bit, but it was ok. I almost laughed when the wind swung - a complete 180 degrees, right back into our faces! It was clearly time to call on Chris McCormack's wonderful advice to endurance athletes: EMBRACE THE SUCK. I had to laugh. Hi Suck! There you are! I've been expecting you (although perhaps not on this scale). Let's run together!
By 27km I was getting very cold and coughing every time I ran. My ankle was holding up but starting to ache a bit. The Plan was adjusted again. Walk. Keep walking. Just keep walking.
We got put on the footpath at this stage which was a relief because it was a bit more sheltered from the wind. It was harder to remember my hydration plan without the run/walk cues but I kept drinking whenever I remembered and having my gels on the hour. Once again there was very little water for the slowest runners. It was disgraceful and one of the reasons I'll really think very hard about running my home state marathon again.
It was such a relief to get off the beach, up the hill and on to St Kilda Road. I was very worried about the time - I was trying to move as quickly as I could but there were no f***ing km signs so I couldn't gauge my speed. I got talking to a lovely man who told me he'd been in the army and I was going about as fast as they'd expect to do a route march (about 6km an hour I think?). He may have been lying but it cheered me up at a time when every low fence and bench was an invitation to stop....stop...stop....stop....
You can stop when you've finished. Only about two hours to go.
Hi Suck, still here? We're having quite a day out, aren't we?
I was cold, I was hurting, I was never so tired in my life. But I never went to this-is-too-hard-I-give-up despair. I was always, always focusing on what I needed to do to make it home. I never cried and I stayed peaceful- except when I saw a marshall giving away a bottle of the only water I'd seen since 27km to a random passer-by (ahem, leaving a box of water by the side of a popular exercise track is not providing a water-station to slower runners, it's providing free drinks to every f***er on a Sunday workout) - then, I confess, I did my nut at him for a short energy-wasting moment. Tool. The coughing had eased a great deal by the time we got to the gardens so after I'd walked the Shrine Hill I tried running one song/walking one again and it went ok. 4km to go. Run one, walk one, run one, walk one. Drink. Run. Walk.
I passed the place where I was sent the wrong way last year (resisting the urge to give an undeserved finger to the charming and helpful volunteers) and set off across the bridge. I knew my CR friends would be waiting and I started to get a bit sooky oh please be there, please be there, I need some help, I can't do this by myself any more and then they were there. In the distance I could see them pouring out down the steps and I started to tear up. As I got closer I could hear them yelling, and I saw them making an arch with their arms for me to run under. Thank you, my friends, from the very bottom of my heart. I'll never, ever forget that moment. The feeling of being home again and cared-for and somehow safe again was so strong and filled me with such energy that when the workmen who were blocking the road with their truck said I'd have to go around it (WELL HI CAPTAIN OBVIOUS) I replied, no mate, I'll go through!
Around the corner I saw the lovely lovely 41km sign, my favourite number in the world. Run one, walk one. Run one...and then I was nearly there so I unplugged myself (would you believe the last song was Tubthumping? I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gunna keep me down.... True!) and ran it in. Part of me was pissed off about the uphill finish but part of me was So F***ing Over running that I didn't care and just steamed up it. The Spousal Unit was yelling and waving and beaming at me from the stands so I ran harder. More than anything I was looking forward to crossing the line and lying down on the ground and crying my eyes out but my dear little Noddie was standing there with a cup of water for me so I didn't, just gave her a big hug instead. Eww Mummy you're all sweaty and yuck!
Done.(not taken at the finish line)
I was extremely happy and proud of myself at how I managed the day, under the circumstances, but my abiding realisation is that I really don't need to do stuff like that to myself any more. I know how tough I am. I have already told J, my Mum and the Mighty Emma - who finished in 7:15 with a pinched nerve that essentially left her with one-and-a-bit legs for the last 15km (as opposed to later, when we may or may not have both got completely legless, I admit nothing) - to remind me next year that I will not be entering Melbourne if I have a chest infection between July and September. I'll happily blow the early-bird discount to avoid an experience like VSM#5.I'm not saying I don't think I should have done it. I made the best decision I could at the time and really, even though it was a long difficult day, I got through it and quite well too. Life isn't about only doing easy things or being successful or avoiding suffering. It's a source of great satisfaction to me that I'm (ahem) strong and healthy enough (don't laugh!) to toe the line and face down 42.2. I'm happy I did VSM#5 and that it worked out as well as it did. Now I have quite a lot of uni to catch up on - and a trip to America to plan! Life is good.More anon, goofy challengers :)

Home again

2011-10-10T17:49:00.004+11:00

6.25.09
Hardest thing I've ever done.
Ankle fine.
Happy.

Hi ho

2011-10-08T05:59:00.003+11:00

So here we are. I'm typing away here, slurping down tea and icing my ankle one last time before I catch the train to the Big Smoke and Very Slow Marathon #5. That came around quickly....
I really have no words, so I'll nick those of the mighty Emma, my comrade in Stupid Determination:
there's a familiar turn of mind that anyone who has faced the marathon will know. I am alternating between "Ohshitohshitohshit, we're all going to die!" and "Who the hell am I to even consider running a marathon?" Good luck to my friends who are facing down the big 42.2 this weekend. Remember, it's a long way and it's going to hurt a lot.
Ok darl, I'll remember.
Wish me luck, eh?More anon, nervous grinners!

Inspiration

2011-10-07T07:59:00.006+11:00

Righto.
Thanks to the above-and-beyond efforts of the darling allied health staff at my work, the recollection of which brings tears to my eyes, I have been given a chance of starting on Sunday. The physio said my ankle has a grade 1 strain (the most desirable sort I gather) and that we did exactly the right thing icing and strapping the expletive out of it straight after The Fall sorry I can't believe I wrote that - quick, blame the ibuprofen! I was given therapeutic ultrasound and some exceptionally elaborate strapping which I will need to consult a manual on advanced papier-mache to duplicate. I went for a short run/walk last night, as directed and despite being almost nauseous with anxiety, and there was only a little soreness and no swelling. I am told that these are good signs. I'm seeing the physio again today.
So The Plan Is This:
Act As If it's all going ahead. Have another short run this morning, as directed, and hydrate like a lunatic, especially considering the ibuprofen. Final decision on Saturday.
Most importantly, I need to prepare all my Important Race Crap (TM)
This of course includes gels ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY NUTRITION PLAN!, adorned with inspirational sayings. A girl's gotta eat, after all. And read.
hence, faithful readers, I am once again appealing for the pithy sayings and mottos that fire you up, cheer you up and make you believe that even if you don't actually believe you can complete whatever ludicrously task you are attempting, you might as well keep plugging away at it for the time being.
So far I have
Why not?
One more step. One more km. One more marathon
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog
and from the late Steve Jobs, Stay hungry. Stay foolish.
Share your wisdom with me, my friends! And fingers crossed, eh?

More anon, my treasures.

stay tuned

2011-10-05T21:22:00.003+11:00

I stepped off the front verandah about an hour ago and on to Noddie's skateboard. Went down like a sack of spuds. Currently icing a very painful and swollen ankle.
More anon, teeth-gritters.

But of course

2011-10-04T09:26:00.010+11:00

- I appear to be getting a head cold, complete with sore throat, a headache and aching joints. @#&%!!! Bring on the echinacea and vitamin C, I say, and we'll see who rusts first!
- my old sunnies turned on me in my last couple of long runs. Can your forehead gain weight? So I went to the bike shop in a panic - it is only 5 more sleeps until TBLRCU arrgghh excuse me whilst I repair beneath my desk and rock back and forward for a bit - and my style advisor (Noddie) told me to buy these so I did. - J has organised himself at the VERY last minute to come along and spectate. I am very happy about this....in a way.....I won't go into details but it's a good thing he is a big sweety and my helpmeet in life's vicissitudes because having to choke down disappointed, let-down rage for weeks does my head in and takes a day or two to get over.
- my shoes died! Noooooooooo!!! I have a new pair of the same model in the wardrobe which I will be wearing around the clock between now and Sunday. I'd rather have blisters than a sore knee.
- when I looked at the wear pattern on my old shoes I realised why my knee was hurting. @#&%!!! and grrrrrrrrr!!!That was when I discovered that you don't have to go to the podiatrist to get your orthotics adjusted. A paring knife and a hammer will do just as well.
- the weather on Sunday is looking gorgeous. This is Not Good News for Team Stupidly Determined. We like it cool and would be more than satisfied with downright chilly. The winds about which the skinnyfasts whinge are as naught to us. Thank goodness for the mighty Hydration Plan is all I'm saying.
More anon, taper lunatics!

Awakening

2011-10-01T09:42:00.008+10:00

Noddie and I are back from three splendid days in the Big Smoke, shopping and culture-vulturing and cheering at the Grand Final parade and eating things we don't have at home like sushi and Vietnamese pork rolls and good Chinese food in groovy little cafes an arm-width wide. Noddie was absolutely thrilled with our hotel - not only did we get to eat breakfast In A Restaurant - what could possibly be more awesome? - but there was a gym on the second floor where she could try all the machines while Mummy ran on the treadmill.
It was here, dear readers, that your heroine had an epiphany. It's been a very long time since I've run in front of a mirror. As I ran, I had to look at myself. And do you know what I saw? I saw heavy and bloated and tired and sad.
I look how I feel.
You may have noticed that I've been very down these last couple of months. If you haven't, it's becuase I have been functioning on manufactured "up", fuelled with food and wine. That mirror told me that I can't do it any more. I have to start using coping strategies that don't involve food and drink. I told J how bad I've been feeling and he's going to help me.
There are eight more sleeps until TBLRCU. I couldn't feel less like doing it but I'm going to. In the world of the Stupidly Determined Very Slow Marathoner, guts overcome fear and faith conquers doubt. Which is good because I couldn't be more doubtful or scared. But you know what I say to that? Scared schmared is what I say. More anon, rock stars!

You're joking

2011-09-26T08:06:00.006+10:00

Having perused the race book for TBLRCU (my knee is still a bit painful but seems to be improving thanks for asking please keep all digits crossed not that I'm FREAKING OUT about it no no no no nooooo) and studied the course maps, I cast my mind back to happy times at the mighty MCG - great days at the footy, concerts, and of course VSMs #1 and #3. I visualised running the last km strongly, steaming up the chute to get my next bit of awesome bling.....
and then I thought, hang on.....
the new finish is Up. A. Hill.
Look at Jolimont St East Melbourne on g00gle street view if you think I'm making this up. I wish I was.
Brilliant.

More anon. I'm going to have another cup of tea now, and make up some cheesy visualisation about being pulled up the hill by a giant tractor beam.

the last long one

2011-09-24T09:31:00.004+10:00

Hi there sports fans
You'll be thrilled to learn that I had a great 12km run this morning, despite the fact that just before I left I discovered that my immensely comfortable, flattering and EXPENSIVE shorts had given way in the thigh seam. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! The change of attire for modesty's sake which this necessitated resulted in my disturbing the Spousal Unit for a second time at You're F%^&ing Joking O'clock aka 4.20am OMFG that's a stupid, stupid time. Shame on you, Sk1ns! Expect a stern letter soon.
Unfortunately this great run was interrupted by some pretty rugged knee pain and followed by a quite tiresome and very cold 9km walk home. I tried a bit of a trot about 3km from home and it had mostly gone, but so had any energy, oomph, determination or let's-just-get-it-the-#$&%-done whatsoever. It was a short trot. I think (HOPE) the pain was because of ITB tightness, and I'm pretty sore right now so the Plan Is This: ice and ibuprofen today, foam roller on Monday ow ow ow and stretching like Gumby for the next two weeks. Another thing I'll be doing after today is going back to my old iron supplement. I don't think the new one is up to my energy requirements.
Please note that LBTEPA's press secretary would like to emphasise that this morning was not a disaster, debacle, shattering, crushing, a bad omen, a harbinger of doom nor a worry of any kind. The judges' decision on this matter is final and no correspondence will be entered into.
Now let the taper begin! I *heart* the taper.More anon, trailblazers!

A cautionary tale

2011-09-22T21:19:00.007+10:00

Gather round, children, and hark to the wisdom of your Auntie LBTEPA.
If you decide to have that extra glass of wine to celebrate your refinancing finally coming through, and also Noddie's first piano performance at assembly (well done little mate!), and then decide that you'll have a bit of a sleep in, but that will be ok because you've put dinner in the crockpot before work and also J has the day off so there will be a window to get your run done in the afternoon, which will also be good practice for TBLRCU because it's a warm day and you've mostly run in the cool so far.......
mark my words, gentle readers, it will all go horribly wrong.
The Spousal Unit and Noddie will both be sick and miserable and you will look after them and make sure they are ok becuase you love them, and you will get on your bike trainer at 8.45pm and watch Tristan Miller run across Mongolia and not think about how tired you are or how yet another run has gone down the gurgler because of another stupid lazy decision, because You Are An Athlete and that's what you do.
And next time you will remember that "later" does not exist.

where there's life

2011-09-21T17:41:00.006+10:00

Yesterday I was wandering around in quite a foul mood, partially due to the fact that the 2kg I painstakingly whittled away over six weeks seems to have found its way back in a week come on we all know I have not-all-that-latent weight issues that stage spectacular escapes from their cages pretty much this time every marathon, and partially due to the fact that I sort of wanted to/felt that I "should" be working out but due to Domestic Concerns was unable to work out what would fit in with both everything else I needed to get done (a lot) and what I felt like (nothing) . After some time it occurred to me that perhaps this EXTREME GRUMPINESS was because I was still quite tired after (ahem) "racing" 21.1km on Sunday, and perhaps I might have another day off. I must point out that this is a notion that a Stupidly Determined Very Slow Marathon runner can grasp only after some effort.
The following thought crossed my mind:
It was only a half, why would I need two days off?
....deafening silence.....
...sound of head being slapped....FFS, you idiot. Get. A. Grip.
You will be glad to know that when the echoes died away I repaired to the recliner and stayed there. There's even hope for Team SD.

Un/expected

2011-09-18T14:58:00.006+10:00

Bairnsdale half marathon. 2:49
Rating: very pleased.
As expected
- super well-organised race, heaps of water stations and very well-marshalled especially given the loopy course
- I was dropped by the pack within a km and didn't see anyone AT ALL until the 10k-ers caught up at about 8km, then spent the last 7km by myself as well.
- I felt very upset indeed about this for quite some time, but didn't die, and managed to leave some of that %$#@ by the side of the road where it belonged.
- helped, I think, by my decision to not look at my watch. My goal was "the closer to 3 hours the happier I'll be" (so I was very happy) and the plan was to run at a "not very comfortable" pace (RPE* about 7.5).
- my nutrition and hydration plan worked perfectly. A drink every walk break and every water station, and because this was a nice civilised race that started at 8m so I had a proper breakfast, gels at 8km and 16km. ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY NUTRITION AND HYDRATION PLAN!
- dear marshalls: slow does not mean struggling. It means slow. While I appreciate your attempts at encouragement, telling me to "keep going" at 4km is a bit pointless. I'm doing a half-marathon FFS. Oh, hey, maybe I'll stop here instead.
Not expected
- the new visor is very comfortable, made it easier to keep cool and is also quite flattering as I'm sure you will agree.
- my sunglasses, however, have turned on me, and made my head ache abominably unless I took them off and bent them outward every few km :(
- I held run 3 songs: walk 1 the whole way, even at the (ahem) "faster" pace. This was pleasing as I've only been doing r2:w1 in my long runs.
- having the president of the tri club ride up behind me and tell me I was doing a great job and that he was proud of me. I really appreciated that.
- I had loads in the tank for the last 4km. This is very reassuring, as now I can approach TBLRCU with some confidence that it will not be an utterly horrid suffer-fest.
- the very very steep hill at 20.5km. I probably shouldn't have dropped the f-bomb when I realised the marshalls weren't joking when they directed me up there. These things happen.
- being described as having a good attitude by the cycle escort when he realised that this was my 8th half marathon and I've done 3 more fulls than he has. I didn't push him off his bike though.
- I didn't come last!!!! The charming Phil from Canberra was really struggling; I gave him the last of my water and tried to get him to run with me but he was too had it, poor lambie.
- really nice blingMore anon, grinners :)
*Rate of Perceived Effort

Yawn

2011-09-16T09:40:00.008+10:00

The facts:
- most people in my family 'carry a bit of weight'
- I'm an emotional eater and drinker
- there's been a bit of extra stress at Chateau LBTEPA this last little while (thankfully nothing serious, but above our "cope with easily" level)
- my next marathon is in 22 days and lighter is better when I'm a) carting 80-ish kg for 42.2km and b) even more underdone than usual
- some of my painstakingly-shed lard has made a comeback. #$%*! #$%&!!
The Plan:
- suck up that this is all very boring. I've been at uni forever. I can do boring.
- refrain from diving into the I hate myself pool when I get on the scales
- write down Every Single Thing I eat. This does actually work for me, especially during the 5-7pm shovelling-stuff-into-my-gob-will-make-this-overwhelmed-feeeling-go-away arsenic hour, but still, booooooorrrrrrrrinnnnnnnnnngggggggg
The things I do for bling...........
Edit:
After a couple of surprising conversations with colleagues whom I would have expected to know a hell of a lot better, I do feel I have to make the comment that I do not subscribe in any way to the "lighter/smaller = healthier" point of view. Whenever anyone mentions to me that they're wanting/trying to lose weight, my response is "why?". If the answer is not "becuase I believe (not "becuase my dr told me") that this will improve a specific health indicator", or "becuase 42km is a long way to cart 80kg" did you see the self-justification there? then I become quite tiresomely challenging about mindlessly buying into distorted social mores about size and attractiveness. Ask anyone.
I think that as an older, larger, slower athlete - with, it must be admitted the full set of body image issues oh my let's not take the lid off that box - the balance between self-acceptance and not wanting to move so much mass around 42.2km did I mention VSM#5 is coming on like a train ohshitohshitohshitwe'reallgoingtodiiiieeee might always be a dilemma for me. But that's ok. The main thing is to be thoughtful about things. And not boring.
More anon, sleepwalkers!

Things that crossed my mind yesterday morning.

2011-09-11T13:10:00.008+10:00

@!%&*! is it 4.40 already?
I need a cuppa. Is that rain?
@!%&*! It is rain. Good thing I set out my jacket. And wrapped up my phone.
I'll just have a quick look on EffBee while I eat my toast
Just get out the bloody door will you, it's going to take forever and be awful whenever you go.
@!%&* it's cold, not too windy though this would come back to bite me as you will see
I'm glad I wore the hat with the light, it's bloody dark
Ack! I wish they'd tether that damn goat in the same place all the time, it gives me such a fright when I nearly trip over it this is absolutely true
Being wet isn't so bad really this is absolutely a lie
I'm feeling pretty good, mustn't get over excited, there's a long way to go.
Not far to the turn-around now.
Waaah! That's where the wind was!! @!%&* it's cold!
It's not so bad among the trees
I wish there were some trees here. Bugger me this wind is fierce.
Maybe three hours is enough for today, I haven't been well.....
I don't care how fresh they are, I am not buying anything from a person who puts an apostrophe in EGGS.
I run tall, I run loose, I run straight, I run forever....
@!%&* it's cold. This is really hard. Really hard.
Pardon?
I said, this is really hard
And by that you mean...?
I don't like this
You don't like being cold and tired?
No, I don't.
So?
.....
Point taken.
F#$% I AM TOUGH, I AM SO F#$%ING TOUGH
I'm glad no-one heard me say that
I run tall, I run loose, I run straight, I run forever, I run like Crowie, I run like Macca, I run like Chrissie, I run like me...
When I get home I am going to wear my HTFU shirt IRONICALLY. That would be funny.
Maybe four hours is enough for today, I haven't been well....
Can't wear your HTFU shirt if you do that.
My legs hurt. I want to stop.
You can want all you like but you're not stopping. Thoughts are not actions.
I could stop at Mum's, that's 27km. That's a long way when I haven't been well.
But I wanna wear my shirt.
Bugger.
I feel good, I am filled with energy, there is no hurry.....
Not far until the main street and out of the wind a bit
I could walk home, that would do.
Oh, please.
You can run one song walk one if you like, that's my best offer.
I can still manage run two walk one. I'll get home more quickly anyway. @!%&* it's cold.
Oh look! That fence is exactly the right height to stretch my hammies and hips!
Ohhhhh, thaaat's better...
I feel good, I am filled with energy, there is no hurry.....
I've never been in anything like this wind. I'm glad I'm not riding my bike.
Not far now THANK GOODNESS I am so tired
1km to home and you know what that means run a bit faster run run run don't stop you have something in the tank you can do this you will remember this on race day and you will have something left then too I run tall I run loose I run straight I run strong I run like Crowie I run like Macca I run like Chrissie I run like me and I Do Not Stop.
What time is it? 10.30? Really? That's 5 hours exactly! Excellent! Yay!
Now for my ice bath. Ewwwww.
Home alone - licence to swear granted! (the Spousal Unit had taken Noddie to tap dancing)
@!%&*%#!! @!%&*%# &$*@%#!!!

Whee!

2011-09-08T18:49:00.006+10:00

Ventolin and steroids make life a lot simpler what with being able to breathe and all but they also makes me a bit trippy and nervy and give me the shakes and makes me JUST WANT TO EAT which is tiresome since the "A few mouthfuls less" method has resulted in a 4kg loss to date and I am well on target to start VSM#5 at slightly less than last year's weight. Yay! That's if I can stop myself hoeing into anything that might contain or resemble food. Maybe I'll glue the bikkie jar shut. I'm taking less medication than prescribed but criiiikkkeey....I think it must accumulate or something. At work I have to really concentrate on not yapping on like a speed-addled nong. Stupid asthma, stupid fluctuating temperatures, but that's what you get for living on the 47th parallel I suppose. That and gorgeous Spring mornings. Still, breathing is good. I'm a fan. I'll try and do with a bit less tonight and see how I sleep - less medication, I mean. Not less breathing.
I'm a bit nervous about attempting 32km on Saturday morning but it has to be done. I am calm, I am patient, I am brave, I am strong....just ask my mantra. If I say it enough times that will make it true, yes?
Time to go and stretch like Gumby*. My efforts make Noddie laugh. She is the uber-Gumby! *My five faithful readers may rest assured, though, that if I should ever embrace a life of crime it will be characterised by competence and forethought, unlike some people.
More anon, rabbiters-on!

All being well

2011-09-06T07:30:00.028+10:00

LBTEPA's press corps would like to thank her medical team, coaches and mental health staff for all their expertise, advice and HTFUs over the last several weeks of angst-ridden lurgi-wrestling. After 5 days on Good Drugs, an experimental pleasant trundle around the streets this morning has produced no ill-effects. Our heroine has thus been pronounced officially On The Mend, Good As Gold, Back on Track and Thrilled to Bits. Can I have a WOOT??
(here's one I prepared earlier)LBTEPA would particularly like to express her gratitude to the ever-supportive, although sometimes understandably bewildered Spousal Unit, my Mum (ditto, minus the bewilderment - she's known me longer) and of course my five faithful readers, whose patience and seeming fascination with the interminable minutiae of Very Slow Marathon running seems to know no bounds.
So, about this Big Long Run Coming Up ......
These days I know a bit about how I can do marathons - obviously not fast, mind you, but reliable. Don't try this at home, kiddies! I am fairly confident that my mad plan for the last four weeks will get me over the line on 09/10/11. During the reign of The Cough I've exercised almost every day, mostly cycling and walking but moving which is the main thing. I've practiced all my visualisations and training mantras over and over. This weekend, all being well, I'll do a glacially slow 32km. The following week is the Bairnsdale half marathon so I will do that race but walk there and back, making 32km all up. The following weekend I'll do another 32km, once again as slowly as possible without actually coming to a complete stop. That should get my mind around hanging in there for hour upon slow, tedious hour on race day! It will be great!
Mind you, it could all go horribly wrong. We shall see.
I know why I'm doing this marathon, too (all being well).
- it's a trip to the Big Smoke yes yes I know I could just come up for a day's shopping....
- to catch up with my dear comrades in Stupid Determination
- to reconnect with my tribe, the slow, brave, proud back-of-the-packers
- to see my good CR friends, who are indirectly responsible for all this because of their kindness and encouragement to a complete beginner
- because I CAN. When I was ill with chronic fatigue I walked very short distances, very slowly, often with a cane. Why would I not run a marathon now?
- because I've been blessed with the gifts of health, patience and endurance (and Stupid Determination) and I think I should use them.
Wanna know the real truth? I'm doing this because I want to, and FOR THE BLING!
More anon, bounty hunters!

I don't think she realised Who I Am

2011-09-01T20:17:00.011+10:00

The Dr said it's most likely aggravated asthma and gave me some lovely steroids to make The Cough bugger right off, and a script for antibiotics in case she's wrong. When I asked whether it would be harmful in the medium- to long-term to have a crack at my fifth marathon five weeks from now she said a) no, it wouldn't be harmful at all, becuase exercise is good for asthma I thought that was brilliant and b) now this is really good she didn't actually think I'd feel up to it by then.
BWAHAHAHAHA! THE CRAZY FOOL!!!More anon, 6.59.59ers!

of course

2011-09-01T10:26:00.002+10:00

....I finally get in to see the dr and the chest crackle goes away. That's one of those win-win thingos, right?

I get knocked down, I get up again

2011-08-30T09:56:00.009+10:00

4.45 am. Wake up coughing and with a headache. Get up, take panadol and ventolin.
5.15. Go back to bed
7.30. Get up again
8.00-8.25 wait for Drs to ring back with appointment time as arranged yesterday
8.25. Walk Noddie to school
8.45. Ring Dr. Find there is no appointment because The Cough is "not urgent" (which is true). Can't get to only available appointment on Thursday.
8.47. Cry. Decide VSM#5 isn't going to happen, it's all too hard. Walk home.
9.00. Swig a nice cold glass of HTFU
9.05. Fire up 2008 Ironman World Championship dvd (go Crowie!). Start bike workout. GGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

More anon, tubthumpers!

Note to self

2011-08-28T14:30:00.015+10:00

I woke up this morning and thought that's it, I'm deleting my blog. It's stupid. All I ever do is whine about how I'm sick again and it's going to ruin my next marathon. As if any of that is so important. No-one cares about your lame Very Slow Marathons except you. And another thing: it's pathetic to bleat in public.
But then I thought, hang on, it was the putting into words of my panic-stricken mental hyperventilation yesterday that made it all all right again. Writing down a sooky-la-la brain-splat gives it form, and allows me to roll with it instead of wearing myself out trying to avoid it. Once my fear is out in the light I can see it and start to deal with it.
In the case of TBLRCU, I fear
1. a suffer-fest. This was going to happen anyway. Weigh 80+kg, cover 42.2km in five or six or seven hours - it's a long way and a long time and it's going to hurt. I know this, and I know how to do it and end up in one piece as well.
2. not finishing - very unlikely. I finished Gold Coast last year. I was sicker than I am now (six weeks out) on race day, had a more interrupted preparation, and I weighed the same.
3. not finishing under the cutoff (= NO BLING NOOOOOOOO!!!). See above.
So that's sorted. VSM#5 will be slow waves a regretful goodbye to short-lived dreams of sub-six and hard work. But that's ok.
Now, what of my blog? I've been thinking about this all day. Unlike the writings of the gorgeous Shauna, Phil and Lisa (among many others whose blogs I have the privilege to read) my little corner of cyberspace isn't especially uplifting or positive. But when I think about it, it isn't meant to be! One of my favourite things about my blog is the friends I have met through it - and, attention-seeker that I am, I do worry that people will wander off never to return if I am particularly lame for any length of time - but I also like it because it's a place where I can be (fairly) authentic. I bleat and whinge here, and grizzle and give up and start again and get excited and celebrate and nut out conundrums I've been banging my head on, just the same as in my non-virtual existence. Ask anyone.
So in conclusion....
I don't think I have a conclusion. If The Cough buggers off between now and 09/10/11 (cool date eh?) I'll be starting VSM#5 and hoping to finish. Sometimes my blog is Sooky McWhinge-ville and sometimes it isn't. That is all.More anon, polar explorers!

The dummy is in midair

2011-08-27T15:49:00.011+10:00

I am resting this weekend because of the disturbing Return of The Cough, because I fear the consequences of Defying the Lurgi, and because I am a grown up athlete now who knows it is better to be consistent than heroic. I recognise that the likely repercussions of overdoing it with a clogged up chest are far worse than those of underdoing it.
On the inside I am beating my fists on the ground and howling my eyes out. This was going to be The One where it all went as planned. I don't know why I thought that. I must have been mad. But I did. I don't want another under-prepared suffer-fest. I want to be confident that I have the kms on my legs to hold a steady pace for six hours. I don't want to have to even consider pulling out THERE I SAID IT waaaaaaaahhhhhh!!! or to work out when I'll need to make that decision, given that VSM#5 involves leave from work, complicated childcare arrangements, transport and accommodation. AND I WANT MY MM BLING. Waaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!! THIS IS NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!*.

*LBTEPA's media representative would like to assure her five faithful readers that the above is a quite deliberate and extremely temporary wallow in the self-pity pool. Normal H-ingTFU will resume shortly.

UPDATE: I just remembered that while The Cough was deceitfully pretending to have buggered off altogether, I ordered a race singlet. Now I have to do it. I'm not wasting a perfectly good singlet. Ok. Just need a moment to get my head around that.

These things happen

2011-08-23T08:06:00.005+10:00

Oh my, that run was a shocker. I slept poorly, woke up 45 minutes before the alarm (so wrong) and then spent an hour arguing with myself about whether it was too cold (yes) whether I was too tired (yes) and whether I would have a chance to run in the evening (alas, no). I stumbled out the door and set off on legs that had clearly been swapped with those of a three toed sloth. It was a beautiful early spring morning but all that clear pastel beauty was lost on me when it took me a km to pass a(n admittedly very sprightly) walker. I was oblivious to the delicate tracery of the trees by the river as an older couple out running floated by me like I was standing still. At various times I hated the morning, everyone else out there, myself, and especially my stupid, stupid hobby. The only way I got up the (ahem) "hill" 1.5 km from home without walking was to promise myself that after Goofy I am never ever running another step in my whole life.
When I got home I realised I'd put my shorts on backwards. Suddenly it all made sense.

Big mouth

2011-08-19T10:03:00.010+10:00

Why did I say I want to go sub-six? Why why why? Now I am risking disappointment! That's intolerable!! What if I do all the training and lose a bit of weight and Stick to the Plan on race day and still don't manage it? What then?
Well, to quote the mighty GeekGrl, no-one will take my birthday away. And I will get bling - I rang the organisers and checked there would be enough medals this year before I paid.
Having a time goal requires an unfamiliar set of behaviours and fear of failure is an uncomfortable feeling, but we here at the LBTEPA Institute for the Stoically Cheerful(With Occasional Freakouts)are nothing if not masters of Sucking It Up. So there you go.
I have a short bike session on The Schedule tonight, and 24 slow, careful kms along the rail trail tomorrow. Then the Spousal Unit and I are off for the weekend to celebrate 13 years since the Universe threw us together and life got good again. Thanks, random chance - it's been grouse! More anon, daydream believers!

This could get quite dull

2011-08-16T15:43:00.008+10:00

Ok *rubs hands together in jolly, enthusiastic way*
My chest is clear. It's 52 days until that That Big Long Run Coming Up. It's time to get on with it, smarten up, knuckle down, nose to the grindstone etc etc.
By "on with it" (etc etc), I mean " get to the start of TBLRCU, and then to the finish in time to get some bling". This, in turn, means "uninjured, and with as consistent a base as possible". I haven't actually been mucking around to date, but I've been able to be a little bit casual with my training in my previous marathons I still can't actually believe I've done so many. Beware, you novices! They creep up on you..... This time it's different. In order to have as possible to the VSM#5 that I want, I need to Pay Attention To The Details (ewwwww....)
I want to go sub-6 on interrupted training - there, I SAID IT, I WANT ANOTHER SUB-6 - so I need to hit my target of 5-6 workouts a week. It would be helpful to be lighter, so I need to eat and drink less. An aside: there will be no calorie restrictions - just a lot more thought and a lot less mindless stuffing of the face. The "A few mouthfuls less" method has resulted in my dropping 3.5kg over the last couple of months, so I'll stick with it for now.
It. Is. On.
But what does it all mean, you ask? (as well you might).
It means all marathon all the time at Chateau LBTEPA. It means details of the workouts I tick off on the the schedule, and lame excuses when I don't. It means bleating. It means posting my weight on the interweb (ewwwwwwww....)
Oh my, LBTEPA - that sounds, great, but scary! How can we help?
Oh you are so sweet! Thanks! (It's fun inside my imagination....)
It would be really helpful if you could
- cheer me on
- reassure me
- give me reality checks at appropriate times
- send cases of HTFU as required
Mind you, you also have the option of fleeing, never to return. This could get quite dull. You have been warned.
More anon, champions!

Stuff I know

2011-08-12T09:08:00.010+10:00

- days do come around when it is functional and appropriate to nibble a cherry ripe at work, join the family at the pub for a steak and follow it up with a couple of wines at home while yacking on Sk&pe with a wounded Comrade in Stupid Determination. Hi Emma! During this conversation it was brought to our attention that Team SD could be one down for That Big Long Run Coming Up (TBLRCU). LBTEPA's press secretary has issued a statement expressing the strongest possible sentiments of dismay and disapproval at this prospect. So could you all please ping some HTFU over to the uncooperative nerve in Emma's lower back ASAP?
- I also do know that eating like that on top of a bellyful of emotions makes for a very bad night's sleep. I just forget.
- I have many negative thoughts about myself, the same as anyone else. They're a pain. But you know what? Nobody makes me have them - not even me. They're just there. Sometimes I have to wade through them; sometimes I stumble over them. More often these days, I just notice them, wave and say hi there's always room for politeness and keep moving
- nobody cares what I look like or how slowly I'm going when I'm running except me (see above).
- I'm off on a top secret experimental mission shortly. Aim: to establish what kind of day I'll have on TBLRCU. Hypothesis: I can do 20km without coughing. I'll keep you posted.
TELL NO-ONE, and wish me luck
More anon, super-spies!

UPDATE: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

little by little

2011-08-07T19:45:00.007+10:00

Note to self: when tempted to FREAK OUT, wallow, panic or sulk about the Disaster that is VSM#5 training, please read the following and HTFU.
4 days ago - extremely crook, started on good drugs.
2 days ago - dragged myself through 2 days of work, constant foul cough from 5pm, no energy at all.
Yesterday - had a good catch up (conversation without needing to sit down = big progress) with fellow endurance-sport bores at the tri club season launch. Walked the full entire whole 4.5km home from town whoopee f%^*ing do, eh? Intermittent hacking cough*.
Today - able to sing a bit at church. Carried wood and split kindling. Occasional cough.
During the two weeks aarrgghh I've not been able to run I've been doing a lot of visualisation using my mantra I run tall, I run loose, I run straight, I run strong. My legs feel pretty strong, but I dare say the truth of that will come out when I actually hit the road. I haven't gained any weight, mostly by dint of sort-of firmly resisting the self-pity chardy. No! gasp my five faithful readers (as well you might, after all the faffing around you have witnessed vis-a-vis vino et moi**). Crikey! That's new! However have you done it? The trainers at the LBTEPA Institute for Behavioural Modification have gone right back to basics, is how - I'm using a sticker chart. If I get 40 stars before Melbourne I'm going to buy a swish-o running shirt I've been eyeing off.
In other news, I am completely distracted from my (ahem) "woes" by the news that there will be an Ironman in my home state this summer!!! OMG OMG OMG!!! I am a not-so-secret IM tragic. I've even downloaded the last 5 Kona world championship tv specials from y0utu&e and watch them when I'm on my bike trainer - but I never thought I'd get to spectate at such an event! We have booked our accommodation already.
Now before you wander off, darls, please pop over and wish my brave and amazing mate Duane all the best with his first half-ironman! Go Duane go!

More anon, high-fivers!
*Noddie's teacher, for whom we do not particularly care, set the kids the task of finding new "ph" words. The Spousal Unit and I were careful to add "phlegm". Happy Monday morning Ms W. Bwahahaha
** Coo er flash eh?

48 hours

2011-08-05T22:31:00.002+10:00

2 days ago I was sucking down oxygen and airways-opening stuff like the mask was a lifeline to the mothership. Since then I've swallowed horse pills and steroids and enough asthma stuff to make me trippy (on doctor's direction of course).
SO WHY AM I STILL COUGHING AND TIRED OUT AT 3PM? WHY AREN'T I COMPLETELY BETTER?
Don't answer that.
WHINGECOMPLAINBITCHMOANGRIZZLESOOKWHINGECOMPLAINBITCHMOANGRIZZLESOOKWHINGECOMPLAINBITCHMOANGRIZZLESOOKWHINGECOMPLAINBITCHMOANGRIZZLESOOKWHINGECOMPLAINBITCHMOANGRIZZLESOOK

well, that was unexpected

2011-08-04T00:35:00.009+10:00

After I nearly threw up from coughing and dizziness from a very slow difficult walk across the playground at Noddie's school I caved and went to the doctor. It was that or the hospital but they were good enough to fit me in. Gosh I felt foul. Thank goodness the Spousal Unit got home from Melbourne in time to pick up Noddie from the clinic so she didn't have to see me really unwell. I don't have pneumonia though, just almost-pneumonia. That's good.
Other good stuff: the breathy-mask-thingy. Love being able to breathe almost-properly. Breathing is under-rated. Also, good drugs! I feel better already. When can I exercise? I asked. When you can breathe without coughing. Ok. Right. Nice clear decision criteria. That's good too.
Stuff I'm not thinking about right now: the look on the doctor's and nurse's faces when I said my next marathon is in nine weeks.
Bad stuff: there is no bad stuff.

More anon, shoulder-shruggers at life's vagaries!

twenty to six

2011-08-01T10:36:00.007+10:00

A quiz for you.
Today LBTEPA:
a) is not as well as she thought and ended her planned 20km run after 6km due to unhelpful quantities of chestal phlegm ewwwwww
b) understands that knowing your limits and listening to your body is part of an endurance sport life
c) is very disappointed, discouraged and disheartened Melbourne is coming on like a train ohshitoshitoshit bastard germs I so don't need this breathe in....breathe out...
d) all of the above

Feet, do your stuff

2011-07-31T19:34:00.004+10:00

The time has come, the Walrus said... are you saying I'm fat?
Current lurgi status is as follows: chest is still a bit tight but no longer crackly, head is drippy and ears blocked but no longer permanently achy. In the last week I've done a couple of bike workouts and short runs. Tomorrow, unless it's raining ('cause as my five faithful readers know, I may be foolhardy but I'm not stupid don't say anything) I'm going to put 20km in the Melbourne Marathon bank. I'm a bit nervous becuase I'm not 100%. In the interests of not overdoing it I'll be running one song, walking one song, all the freakin' everlasting glacial way. I've seen some plum blossoms about and that means Spring is almost here YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY!! so there won't be a frost (I hope).
I'll let you know how it goes, eh?

Heroes

2011-07-27T15:06:00.013+10:00

Huzzah! The breathing of LBTEPA no longer sounds like scrunched up cellophane (crepitations, according to my learned medical friend BP), at least not all the time. Our brave leader has broken a sweat for the first time in a week by trudging to school with Noddie this morning (all of 2.5km round trip), and then later put together a slow 30min on the bike to Prove She Is Back hahahaha sheesh can you believe how her mind works?
Mt Washing is still blocking the laundry door but I've made some inroads into the bottomless chasm that is and will forever be uni. There's been energy for important things, like THIS!!!and for being very angry about a particular individual who makes her living as a (ahem) "journalist", spouting "controversial" opinions and then getting all upset because people think she is full of $h!t and should jolly well pull her head in. I am not going to link to this person because attention is what gives her lowest-common-denominator negativity its power.
My my my, LBTEPA, exclaim my five faithful readers, whatever has this person done to arouse such ire? To paraphrase, she "doesn't understand what all the fuss is about" (Cadel Evans winning the Tour de France) and "doesn't think sportspeople should be called heroes". I'd almost, almost be able to swallow that, she is entitled to her point of view after all, not everyone is as interested in sport as I am am and if you haven't done endurance sport it might be hard to grasp the level of dedication and suffering it takes to achieve at the highest level - if she hadn't followed it up with remarks like "he gets paid millions to ride a bike anyway" (sour grapes, perhaps, and all the other people she names as heroes like surgeons and firefighters do it for free?) and "he doesn't even live in Australia anyway" (simply not true, please try g00g!ing before you sling mud next time, beeyatch).
Her basic point is that Cadel Evans should not be feted as a hero because he is a sporting champion rather than achieving in some worthy area of service to mankind. In her mind, one cannot be the other.
I call bullshit. I say to you, (ahem) "lady", I will have my own heroes regardless of your mean-spirited, ill-informed (ahem) "writings". I feel sorry for you that you are so "sophisticated" that you can only find inspiration in achievements which fit in with an arbitrary and inconsistently applied set of values after all you called Jessica Watson a hero, hmmmmm????. Nor can you allow others to take pleasure in or be uplifted by things you disagree with. Sad.
My heroes are brave and dedicated and determined and inspiring. They give me the gift of their big hearts and Big Dreams, and the message that hard work, strong principles and absolutely never ever giving up enable us to overcome whatever life might throw in our path. Heroes teach us that a heroic life is a beautiful life. Heroes make us think not only I want to be like that but also I can be like that. Heroes overcome even when they don't succeed, which is why we rejoice with them if they finally do.
Here are some of my heroes
- Kieren Perkins
- Dietrich Boenhoeffer
- Robert DeCastella
- my grade 3 teacher
- Chris Moon
- Papa Meilland
- my Mum and Dad
- my grandparents
- my siblings
- Team SD
- Duane, Mary and Tracy

Who are your heroes?
More anon, coruscators!

2011-07-25T13:11:00.004+10:00

Cough.
Sweat.
Cough.
Feel dreadful.
Stagger out of bed at 9.30am.
Look at the messy messy house.
Think about how much work and uni stuff is piling up.
Read on Effbee that "everyone else" is already over 20km for their Melbourne long runs.
Find this:

Don't feed your fears. If you want to feed something then feed your purpose. Feed your passion. Feed your creativity. Feed your inspiration. Feed your hopes. Feed your Soul. But please, please don't feed the fears. It won't take them but a minute to devour all of the goodness in your Life. Sorry fear, I got nothin' for you today. Or tomorrow...
(Thanks again Fi. Are you especially watching out for me lately?)

Feel better.
Have a nap.

More anon

Right here right now

2011-07-23T13:12:00.025+10:00

I have gone down with Noddie's foul lurgi like a statue of Lenin in 1992 and for the last three days have been up to nothing more than coughing and croaking my way from bed to couch and back. I "should" have put 20km in the Melbourne marathon bank this morning - but you know what? A) there's no way I could physically do it, and B) it would have been the wrong thing to do. When you're sick - and people do get sick - you need to rest. It's the right thing to do right now.
Now calm down, people! No need to panic! Hysterically self-blaming LBTEPA has not been kidnapped, brainwashed, and sent back spouting airy-fairy new-age BS. I think, at long-overdue last, she may have just faded away. And Hoo-f#$%-ing-ray, say my five faithful readers. You've been very patient.
I was reading this today, thanks to my brilliant friend Fiona (I don't know if she reads this but if you do Darl, big hugs to you mate!!!) and although I don't completely subscribe to the whole "everything happens for a reason" argument, I do like its key message:
IT'S OK. YOU'RE DOING WHAT YOU'RE MEANT TO BE DOING.
I do know what my values are and how to live by them. I just have to let myself be peaceful enough to do it. I might have moments of OMGwhat'sgunnahappenifI'mthis farbehindalreadyDISASTERDISASTER!! but I don't have to respond to them. If I let go of my illusion of control over outcomes and have faith in the process - and myself - all will be well.
I must be away now, my treasures, for a late-afternoon nap in readiness to watch Cadel have a crack at the maillot jaune. It's on at about midnight our time, curse those sophisticated Europeans and their pesky time zones.
Aussie Aussie Aussie, allez allez allez!

a Peace rose.

More anon, domestiques!

A satisfying conversation #2

2011-07-20T08:36:00.003+10:00

The House of LBTEPA is as we speak the House of Plague. Noddie may or may not have whooping cough - she's had her immunisations so I'm going for the latter - and the Spousal Unit and I are raspy of throat and achy of head. He's worse than I am, poor lambie, and I am concerned about the young hiker-for-charity who stayed with us over the weekend. He has come over from Oklahoma to walk from Sydney to Adelaide (about 1500km) on his summer break from theological college to to raise money for wells and sanitation projects in Africa. He's off down the road toward Melbourne now and it's been pouring since he left, poor bugger; it'd be too bad if he was crook as well because of us. BTW if any of my five faithful readers in Victoria would be interested in supporting this young bloke with company, encouragment or accommodation, let me know. Big Dreamers need all the help they can get!

But on to the Satisfying Conversation.
Ring ring
Hello, this is LBTEPA
Hi, I'm Slick Young Man From the Local Gym, we have a lot of new programs and services available to support people's health and wellbeing and I was wondering if there were any aspects of your fitness, stress management etc that we could help you with?
Ummm...Well I'm doing three marathons this year and you've actually interrupted my bike workout this afternoon, so I think I'm pretty right for the moment.
Oh.

I'm actually going to look into this place as it's the only 24 hour gym in the area. That could be very useful. I do love the gym but as I said to the lovely SYMFtLG, my exercise is organised around my primary duties of spousing and parenting, with work, uni and maintaining rudimentary household hygiene fighting it out for the minor placings. I do need a lot of sleep as well so the wee small hours aren't really my thing. I intend to be sweating on a daily basis for at least the next 40 years, though, so I am sure that a right time to pump iron will come again. More anon, muscle bounders!

Dear LBTEPA

2011-07-17T20:53:00.002+10:00

thanks for the trip to Queensland. After we recovered from the marathon we really enjoyed being warm! And the rides! Too much fun!
But we need to talk about yesterday. You ran for six hours two weeks ago, for sure. That was very well done. But you do recall that the success of the day depended on an effective Nutrition and Hydration Plan? You do?
Then what were you thinking, setting out on a two hour run with no fuel or water? And then acting all surprised when you hit the wall and could barely raise a grumpy trot? We were willing to make allowances on this occasion, seeing as you were near your Mum's and you could bott a drink and a couple of jubes from there. Please take time to recall the heaviness of limb and despondency of mind that remained even after you gave the blood some sugar. If we may speak plainly, you have some long runs coming up, yes? Well you pull that kind of stunt on us again and having to detour a couple of km to get some lollies will be the least of your worries.
Yours sincerely
Your Body

Home at last

2011-07-13T19:34:00.003+10:00

I was so paralysed with anxiety by the fact that MY BLING GOT LEFT BEHIND AT THE HOTEL IN QUEENSLAND NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (Not. By. Me. and may I say how lucky the Spousal Unit is to be alive) that I was virtually unable to function and certainly unable to produce scintillating prose such as that expected by my five faithful readers. I was heartbroken.
Don't worry, it'll be FINE, everyone soothed, they're posting it back. It'll be here soon. But you know and I know, my friends, that Sometimes Things Get Lost In The Post. My Bling is Awesome and Mighty but it's not all that big, comparatively speaking. It's only little!
So this afternoon there was much rejoicing when it was made known throughout the kingdom of LBTEPA that My Bling Was Home. Home safe at last, and around my neck where it belongs.

Race report: 2011 Gold Coast Marathon

2011-07-06T20:36:00.028+10:00

As was the case last year at the Gold Coast, I'm really not feeling like writing a race report. However, the reluctance is for a completely opposite reason - I am so pleased and satisfied with how the day went that I am happy to let it fade into the mists of smug antiquity.
I do want to get it all down though, both to inspire others (we here at the LBTEPA BigHead Society live, as always, to help) and to remember it for myself. I have presented it in sections for organisational purposes and to allow for comfort breaks.

WELL THAT WAS HELPFUL (NOT)
After dodging every lurgi going around Noddie's school and J's and my work I was pretty confident about starting in good health can I have a WOOT? until about midnight on Friday when the yummy yummy Chinese food I'd so enjoyed turned on me and I spent the rest of the night either vomiting or lying on the couch waiting for the next wave of nausea and stomcah cramps to kick in can I have a BLEAH? I can't put it better than my saintly Mum who said you can't take a trick, can you? Next time it's vegemite sandwiches for the last two days! All day Saturday I sipped sports drink, took ibuprofen for the stomach cramps and crossed every digit I possessed. Late in the afternoon I got some stomach stuff from the chemist which helped to the extent that I could keep down some vegemite sandwiches see Mums know everything and then some pasta at the pre-race dinner. I was feeling really down and kept thinking about what the mean old skinnyfast from the last post had said, stupid, I know (BTW it was a bloke and I saw him afterward and just wished I'd been close enough to vomit on his shoes) and told the Spousal Unit not to bother coming out until the finish becuase I had no idea how I would go. I slept ok until the cramps hit again at 3.30am so I had some more painkillers and slept on the couch until the proper alarm went off at 5.

IN THE DAWN'S EARLY LIGHT
As per The Nutrition and Hydration Plan ALL HAIL THE PLAN!, I downed a couple of big glasses of sports drink and hit the road. I met another lady from our hotel who was running; it was her first full so we chatted all the way as we walked to the race precinct. There's something wonderful in the air before a marathon. Everyone is just a little bit nervous and a lot excited and there's that whiff of bodyglide and goanna oil too. I sat by the road in the 5.00-6.30 corral listening to people BS about how fast they usually were until it was SHOWTIME.

EASING ON DOWN THE ROAD
I had written PATIENT on my hand to remind me to start slow as I was aware that it was a long way (hello Captain Obvious) and that my energy reserves were not so vast as one might wish. I was also very much aware of the cutoff so I tried to balance movin' right along with Not So Fast Missy. Our hotel was at 3km and to my great delight J and Noddie and the hotel owners were out there cheering! What a boost! It already seemed more humid than this cold-blooded Southerner was used to so I drank at each water stop - of which there were a great many, well and enthusiastically supplied all the way to the end I'M TALKING TO YOU, MELBOURNE MARATHON. After 10 km I implemented the Hot Weather Plan at every drink station, as follows
1. Hat off
2. Earphones off
3. Water over head
4. Gulp half a cup
It worked a treat and I didn't ever feel really dreadful even though it got even hotter as the day went on. Mum the weather guru looked up the humidity - 88%!!! I was happy to learn that, as it wasn't just me being a la-la. I kept expecting to have to stop for the loo but I'd feel like it for a bit and then it would go away.
The first 30km of the race is quite nice, along the beach and through residential streets where all the kids are out in their pjs clapping and giving you high-fives. It's an out-and-back so you get to see the elites floating past, and the really fast runners, and the fast runners, and every other bloody runner...but this is the lot of the VSM runner and that's ok. Most of the water stations had one each side so you didn't have to cross the road but there was one on our side without an opposite number. I didn't really care about the faster runners cutting across to get water, it was warm after all, but I did object to being cannoned into and sworn at by two runners who were, after all, on the wrong side of the road taking water from someone else's water station. I remarked to the Spousal Unit that you could just imagine the flaming a slow runner would get if the situation was reversed! My day was made at about 7km when my beloved Mrs Wombat (Team Stupidly Determined (injured division)) popped out of the crowd and gave me a wonderful hug.

FEELIN' HOT HOT HOT
In the interests of Not Freaking Out I wasn't using my watch at all, just plugging on a a comfortable pace. I was happy to note that I hit the 15km mark a little way ahead of my target. At the back of the pack a lot of people run/walk so there was a fair bit of leapfrogging and chatting and hot, isn't it?ing. I ran for a while with an amazing woman called Sheila. This was her eighth marathon - she'd done Ottawa (where she was from), Rome, Reykjavik, Santiago, COMRADES and ANTARCTICA OMG *bows and scrapes* - and she said that although she liked Queensland and indeed Australia very much, she was just hoping to make the cutoff so she didn't have to fly 25 hours here again. She did, too. Go Sheila! At one stage we were running along the Gold Coast highway which was cut to one lane each way and reduced to a crawl by this motley crew of old, fat, slow dreamers. We were all but scorched by their death stares but we didn't care. Shortly after this I passed one John Z, 100+ marathon legend etc etc, who will feature in the story later.

HARD TIMES
The following will glow brightly in the firmament of LBTEPA's Lifetime Stupid decisions, as will become clear later - my tummy was starting to hurt again so I took some ibuprofen I know, I know...now....It took the edge off things a bit and I was pretty happy about hitting 30km comfortably before my target of 4.5 hours. The GCM is actually two out-and-backs, one south and one north of the start area. At 31km you pass the finish, where heaps of people have already finished and others are steaming their way in while you have 11 km to go. It was good to see people wearing The Medal and to tell myself that one of them was waiting for ME, I just have to go out and get it. It was just so so wonderful to get a hug from the Spousal Unit, who had disobeyed my orders hahahaha and was waiting there to cheer me on. I'd stuck to The Hydration and Nutrition Plan ALL HAIL THE PLAN! so I was feeling leg-weary but still ok in myself. It's a stretch of road with fast-food restaurants and concrete and not much else and it was here that I realised the error of A Plan that was basically hang in there until 30km then see what happens becuase you know what happens with A Plan like that? You're all by yourself at 33km with no plan, that's what happens! As an aside, I saw the Best T-shirt Ever around this time: SHUT UP, LEGS. Must get one.

RUN UNTIL YOU DIE
The problem with having enough time to walk it in if you need to is that when it's quite hot (although at about this stage the wind changed from south west to south east and it seemed to get much cooler thanks Mum for the weather info you rock) and you're really starting to hurt because you've run 31km and that's what happens when you do that you start to think I could walk it in.... BUT YOU CAN'T. That is not the Team Stupidly Determined Way. In a lot of races you get to 8-7-6 km from home and you think righto, 8-7-6 km from home, that's not too far, I do that at 5am....but not this day. This day was about run three songs, walk one song, and Nothing Else. It was about nothing else even existing except run three songs, walk one song. Nothing. At. All. It was about asking myself are you dead? No? Well then LBTEPA, you just keep running three songs, walking one UNTIL YOU DIE. True confession, though, and I do hope my five faithful readers will not judge me too harshly: I Cracked At Forty. As I have mentioned I'd not been looking at my watch or thinking much about any Thrilling Time Goals, but the 40km timing mat was impossible to ignore and I realised I wouldn't be going sub-six unless I suddenly grew wings. I lost it. I walked. From 40-41km there was no effort whatsoever to raise even a trot. I'm not that dark on myself about it though; dropping the ball for 9 minutes out of 6 hours is ok.
But,never fear, dear friends - all was not lost. For 41-42.2km I did have a Plan! I'd practiced The Plan at the end of every run for the last six weeks and it kicked in when I needed it: run, run, run that last km, then run some more and don't bloody stop until the finish no matter what I don't care if you die keep running that last km until You. Have. Finished. And that's what I did. I was so happy to be running up the chute that I almost started to cry but I didn't have enough breath so I just kept running and smiling and running and feeling so happy that I'd pulled it off that all I could do was smile some more and then I was finished.
You remember John Z, the 100+ marathoner I passed at 24km? I hadn't seen him since then, and there he was in the recovery area ahead of me. I have witnessed him do this in my last three marathons. He is a bloody cheat, he disgusts me and I feel sorry for him.
Then they gave me my medal and it was all worth it and time for the long slow walk home. I was so happy to have held it together on a tough day I really didn't care about anything.

DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME KIDDIES
After I'd had a shower, something to eat and a glass of bubbles with the Spousal Unit it was time to be with My People (over-excited runners all sharing way too much detail about their races) at the surf club. At the bar I was thrilled beyond measure to see Tristan Miller of Run Like Crazy fame - I'd caught a glimpse of him during the race hanging on for dear life to the 3.15 pace group and given him a cheer. We had a bit of a chat waiting for our drinks but I was starting to feel very peculiar so I had to cut it short and find a seat, probably just as well given my talent for gushiness toward those I admire. All of a sudden I felt as though I was going to faint or vomit or both so I made my way out to the lawn and lay down in the fresh air under a tree. I must have fallen asleep becuase a lady I'd been talking to came out and asked if I was ok. I really wasn't, so even though home was only 500m away I rang J and he came and picked me up. Gosh I felt dreadful. I was dizzy and vomiting and my head hurt awfully. I spent the afternoon sipping sports drink, dozing and being sick. By the evening I was able to eat again and that helped straight away. Next day I was well on the mend but had blood in my urine which was a worry. I went to the chemist and got a lecture from the pharmacist about kidney damage from taking ibuprofen when dehydrated. He did reassure me that it would resolve itself, which it has, thank goodness.

We've spent the days since hammering the rides at the amusement parks, basking in the sunshine and reading about the awful weather at home. Someone has to do it.
More anon, sybarites!

Done and dusted

2011-07-03T19:39:00.004+10:00

6.05.51
very humid
stuck to The Plan ALL HAIL THE PLAN!
finished strongly
extremely crook with dehydration afterward but getting better now
awesome bling
very happy

things I could have done without

2011-07-02T20:24:00.003+10:00

- food poisoning on Friday night from which I have not entirely recovered
- packing the wrong shorts NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
- the mean rude old skinnyfast at the airport who, when I mentioned I was also doing the marathon, looked me up and down and enquired have you done any training?
Had I not been distracted by an overwhelming urge to hide away and cry and never run again, I could have pointed out that we both get the same medal, MATE.

The amazing Erin asked today in her blog why do you run? I run for a lot of reasons, as my five faithful readers know, but tomorrow I will (Digestion Gods permitting) finish my fourth marathon because that mean rude old skinnyfast thinks I shouldn't.

Here we go

2011-07-01T07:37:00.001+10:00

....ohshitohshitohshitwe'reallgoingtodie...........

How to run a marathon

2011-06-29T10:03:00.017+10:00

In a way, this is the best time before a marathon. The Marathon Death Star's tractor beam has you in its grip and you are drawn inexorably toward Race Day. Apart from drinking water until you slosh, mainlining echinacea and vitamin C because of all the inconsiderate people who insist on coming to work and coughing Bastards!, and eschewing heels the ultimate sacrifice! - nothing can be done that hasn't already been done. It's quite peaceful really, although I feel a bit sick when I think about actually covering 42.2km, which is a frightfully long way when you think about it, which is why I generally don't, under the cutoff time, which is a terrible worry and another thing not to think about.
Lists are a help, of course, aiding as they do in LBTEPA's raison d'etre, Making A Plan. So for the edification of any aspiring Very Slow Marathoners who might have stumbled across this blog (and the amusement of any lost skinnyfasts), let us open the vaults and reveal a couple of LBTEPA's Helpful Lists.
4 days out - what you really should have done already.
- quite a bit of running. If you haven't got around to this I'd really think hard about giving the whole thing a miss for the time being. My training is at the lower end of the distance spectrum and includes a lot of cross-training because Goofy is my goal and injury management is more important to me than time at this point, but it has been systematic ALL HAIL THE SCHEDULE and as consistent as I could manage. A Very Slow Marathon entails a long time alone with your poor sore body and your poor tired head, so you need to get used to that. If any of your long runs have been train crash/ sufferfests, then you will start the race knowing you can slog it out if you have to. There are different ways of Respecting the Distance, but they all include Do The Long Runs.
An aside - in another some people will really never get it moment at work the other day, we were talking about the ash cloud from the Chilean volcano and how I was worried we mightn't get to Queensland if it comes back and the flights are grounded again (so far so good, fingers crossed please chaps) when someone asked wouldn't you be a bit relieved to have an excuse not to run? I think I mumbled something about how I'd paid my entry and was looking forward to getting some more bling, but after some reflection and inept mental arithmetic, I realised that what I meant to say was I've run almost 700km in training for this and the only this that would stop me getting to the bloody start line is an Act Of God. AND I want some more bling.
- practiced your hydration and nutrition plan ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY HYDRATION AND NUTRITION PLAN! Without food and drink of appropriate quantity and digestibility, the VSM experience can get very ugly very quickly. The LBTEPA VSM Fueling Research Program prescribes water (carried in a waist belt) every ten minutes or so, and a gel every hour. I use Endura gels because a) I've never had either the sugar shakes or GI problems with them and b) they're Australian made and owned so they are not only cheaper but virtuous, and I'm all about cheap virtue hang on I think that came out wrong.
- thought about pacing. I write PATIENCE on my hand lest I shoot off like a bottle rocket and fizzle out as quickly. The Plan for VSM#4 at this stage is run 3 songs: walk 1 until 32km and then decide whether to swap to run 2km: walk 2 minutes. In the interest of Slowness Freakout Avoidance I am contemplating running sans watch as I only use it to know ehn to have my gels and every 7km would work about the same. Your thoughts?
- come up with Plans B, C and D. Plans B and C are for when the Race Gods have got up on the wrong side of the bed, they're not feeling the love and neither are you - in short, it's Just Not Your Day. I'll be carrying ibuprofen and asthma spray. D is for DNF. It's helpful to have decision criteria for walking off the course: mine are inability to breathe, or a joint injury FINGERS CROSSED AGAIN CHAPS!
- decided what you are going to wear and tried it while running at least once. If it doesn't fit, chafes, or rides up - in short, fails to enhance your fabulousness - you don't want to find out on race day. There will be photos, you know!
- tamed or at least securely corralled your demons. The long runs will have helped with this, as you have proven to yourself that you can keep moving through a cloud of I'm so slow, what a loser, I'm so fat, I'm a joke, everyone is laughing at me, why do I bother with this I'm not going to make the cutoff. If you haven't already, now is the time to give those buggers the finger and tell them see you on Sunday afternoon, fellas, at which time you will have a nice big shiny new piece of bling with which to dazzle them and entice them back to their dark lairs, for a while anyway.
- practiced smiling for the finish. Finishing a marathon is one of life's wonderful experiences but your face will be very tired let's face it your entire body will be very tired and you don't want to be all hunched over and scowly as you thunder down the chute to the deafening applause of the admiring crowd. Another bonus of practising that ol' finish line grin is the amusement it provides your neighbours to see you smiling and waving at nothing and no-one at 10am on a Saturday. LBTEPA Inc. is nothing if not community-minded.

What to do in the last 4 days
- drink drink drink then drink some more
- if anyone asks you how your preparation is going, tell them. It is fascinating and they are actually very interested. Even when they back away or feign death.
- finalise marathon playlist and make sure 1p0d is charged
- write encouraging messages on gels. Any thoughts for me?
- pack and travel
- do race nails
- pick up race pack; attempt to refrain from purchasing unnecessary fripperies at the expo
- meet up with imaginary internet friends to eat pasta and desperately pretend that, as a Multiple Marathoner coo er gosh eh you are not so scared you can hardly speak
- pin number on at least four times, aiming for maximum aesthetic pleasingness
- think ohshitoshitohshitwe'reallgoingtodie approx. 100000000000 times
- remember to breathe

More anon, champers at the bit!

I don't know

2011-06-26T05:34:00.007+10:00

All is confusion here at Chateau LBTEPA. Let me share with you my current conundrums, or, to put it another way, Things I Don't Know
- whether my sinuses you just knew those little buggers would be involved somehow are waking me up at night and distracting me during the day because a) there's a lot of smoke around at the moment or b)they're gearing up for a major hurt-fest a week out from VSM#4 when I have training for work all week and won't be able to get to the doctor.
- why the dogs stole my makeup bag out of my handbag and took it out into the back yard to play with. I do know that they were very lucky that they didn't chew it up or damage any of the contents. Bad dogs!
- why I have a tummy ache. Poor sleep? Nerves? Too much fibre? Some horrific and inevitably fatal ailment I've stupidly ignored?
- whether to wear my new shoes during VSM#4 or cross my fingers that the old ones have 42.2km of cushioning left in them. The new ones are exactly the same model as the other ones but they feel slightly (and infuriatingly) too big. Could it be the colour? Are yellow things bigger than red things? I don't know! I'll give them one more run with an extra insole and then decide.
- whether the ash cloud from the Chilean volcano will even let us get to Queensland next week. In some ways it's be a relief but let's not hop on that train.
- why I am beating myself up so badly lately. Yes, I'm disappointed that the 2.5kg I painstakingly whittled away over 5 weeks has been regained in 2, but this Does Not Mean that I am a slack lazy spineless disgusting cow who has Ruined Everything with her gluttony. It means that I will have to a) carry more lard than I wanted to around the course next week when I'm worried about making the cutoff, le sigh, and b) concentrate harder on what I eat and drink if I am to carry less lard around the next 42.2. It also means that I must dig out that useful tome "I am not my thoughts: Wrangling the negative self-talk monster" and start practicing again.
But LBTEPA, cry my five faithful readers, can all be shrouded in doom and gloom? What do you know?
I know the LBTEPA Way, my friends. That's what I know. So The Plan Is This:I don't care whose mojo, I'll get some from somewhere....
More anon, my treasures!
(photo is from Randy Marthins' FB album Postcards from the curb)

Yesterday

2011-06-24T05:18:00.005+10:00

I was going to have a blah blah blah wallow in self-loathing about how I'm forty-four for F#$%'s sake, I'm too old to be diving into a plate of salt and pepper squid and too many bubbles no matter how upsetting a day was, no wonder I haven't lost much weight blah blah blah, subtext "encourage me! Cheer me up! Tell me it's all ok and keep trying! "
But that's bullshit. It was a horrid day. J was extremely worried and upset by something that happened at his work. We defaulted to our dysfunctional stress response. I didn't live up to my own standards and I feel miserable now.
But know this, my friends: the best thing about yesterday is that it's gone. The best thing about today is that we get another go at doing things better.

More anon, horizon-gazers!
Photo is from Randy Marthins' FB album Postcards from the curb

12 days

2011-06-20T12:05:00.018+10:00

~In which LBTEPA learns that some people will never get it~
The other day at church, someone I know asked me how the marathon training was going. I mentioned the Great Niggly Hip Freakout and she replied, oh, any excuse to get out of running.

*insert gobsmacked silence*

In other, less bewildering news, there are less than two weeks to go until Very Slow Marathon #4. Flights, hotel and car are booked and paid for. The pre- and post-race dos are organised. The new shoes are being run in. That familiar, distracting, slightly sick feeling at the thought of spending the better part of a working day sweating for a(n admittedly awesome) bit of bling is back; LBTEPA's nearest and dearest are being kind, which is good.
The obligatory taper headcold is also having a red-hot go at settling in but I am fighting back with sleep, veggies, vitamin C, panadol, and the Best Sinuses Money Can Buy. If all else fails, my doctor now has a letter from my surgeon along the lines of give her the damn antibiotics you idiot.
Panic-merchant LBTEPA is of course Freaking Out (it is taper time, after all) about not getting all the runs done but Zen LBTEPA is consoling her with the thoughts that a) all the Long Runs got done Woot! Woot! Yay!!! and b) this winter has not been marred by never-ending Bastard Sinus and Chest Infections - training has, in fact, been quite consistent overall.
My weight is giving me the irrits. Despite actually concentrating on what I'm eating and drinking far more than interests me, it's more erratic than would even be explained by Female Stuff. Given that I am getting on a bit I think I might go and have all those annoying Female Stuff-type checks when we get home, as well as the Bastard Thyroid too It'll turn on you as soon as look at you, that one.
I've been giving a lot of thought to The Playlist (see "distracted", above). I make a new one for each marathon - doesn't that sound grand? I still find it hard to get my head around the fact that I've done three already! - for exactly the cutoff time. Six and a half hours of No Worries Darl, Just Keep Going and You'll Get There. The following faves list provides (a possibly disturbing) insight into LBTEPA's Happy Little World of Running.*
Deborah Conway - It's only the beginning
Marcia Hines - I've got the music in me
Paris Wells - Let's get it started
Grease soundtrack - Greased lightning (describes me so accurately ROFL)
Theory of a deadman - I hate my life
Joey Scarborough - Believe it or not
Big Bad Voodoo Daddys - I wanna be like you
Janis Joplin - Take another piece of my heart
Skyhooks - Livin' in the 70's
Barney Stinson - The awesome song
Harry Secombe - Battle hymn of the republic
Flogging Molly - Worst day since yesterday
De-lovely soundtrack - Blow Gabriel blow, and of course
Anastasia - Paid my dues
That's probably enough for now, even for my five faithful readers, bless your tolerant hearts. What are your 100% reliable, solid gold firing-up tunes?
More anon, boogie-meisters!
*They're all on Yotu&e but I'm too lazy to link them, sorry.

Madness

2011-06-16T14:41:00.013+10:00

I told you the taper madness had set in early. I pulled up a bit sore from my EPIC long run on Monday (they're all epic, just ask me) and just trundled around my mid-week run yesterday morning.
Just to digress, as you do - how cool is it when you actually manage to string together a few weeks of consistent training and not get sick or busy or injured *makes warding-off-evil-eye gesture*, and you get fitter? I love how that works!
So anyway, there I was, a bit sore in the glutes and quads and taking stairs a teeny bit carefully. Nothing dramatic. But by late afternoon my left hip - not the hip that got all crabby after I had Noddie and has required extensive mollycoddling ever since, not the one I expect to crack it with me, nooo, not that one - was whingeing big time. Ow ow ow. As is the LBTEPA way, I did The Sensible Thing. I stretched that hip, stretched it like Gumby I did, and iced it and gave it ibuprofen.
As also is the LBTEPA way, I FREAKED OUT. Someone I actually know (Hi Katy!) "toughed out" hip pain and ran the Hawaii marathon with a FEMORAL NECK FRACTURE that's REALLY BAD, btw. She hasn't run since! Clearly, I was also suffering from a femoral neck fracture!! And unless I let go of my long-held dream of conquering the Gold Coast (the LBTEPA way includes overdramatising as a free service) this was clearly also my future!!! Not to mention wasting thousands of dollars in airfares and becoming morbidly obese within days!!!!Aaarrgghhh!!!!!
The management of the LBTEPA Hostel for the Temporarily Insane would like to thank the kind physio at the clinic where our heroine works for pointing out that a tight iliotibial band was a far better fit for the symptoms described, for suggesting a number of excruciating yet helpful exercises in order to loosen said area, and for not laughing too much.
Taper madness is a cruel affliction and one we should be aware of for our own and others' sakes. Other symptoms include
- obsessively reading and re-reading marathon books and blogs
- obsessive daily weighing and plunging into gloom at how much lard I will be carting around
- overt hostility toward any individual who might be harbouring germs
- actually paying money to do this. OhdearohdearohdearwhatwasIthinking?
- really thinking hard about buying one of these (the hoodie, not the bloke although he is a bit of all right)
There is very little that can be done for the sufferer other than making soothing sounds when s/he appears agitated, allowing her/him to watch Marathon Challenge and Run Fatboy Run over and over again, and taking his/her credit card away.
More anon, wanderers in the poppy fields!

D.O.N.E.

2011-06-13T16:06:00.007+10:00

Last long run = 32.5km along the rail trail in the drizzle.
15 minutes faster than last week = maybe I'll make the cutoff after all
Thanks to Mum for company for the last 6km.
Thanks to J for getting the ice,

(I think. BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!)

for the note on the fridgeand for the pie afterward. Mmmmmmmm!
I can feel some knitting by the fire coming on......zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..............

stupid o'clock

2011-06-13T05:50:00.002+10:00

It's stupid o'clock on a public holiday. J is snoring softly, as I expect is Noddie after our Big Trip to Melbourne for my nephew's engagement party on Saturday night. It's about 3 degrees outside, and foggy. I have a camelbak, my 1p0d and some gloves and I AM GOING TO DO THIS LAST LONG RUN.
More anon, putters-on of brave faces!

Fascinating running minutiae

2011-06-05T08:07:00.008+10:00

I like running. WARNING! WARNING! CAPTAIN OBVIOUS HAS BEEN SIGHTED IN THE VICINITY!
I find it very interesting and I think about it a lot. At this stage in a marathon "campaign", if you will pardon the conceit, I think about it to the exclusion of almost all else. Four weeks to go means it is almost the end of the "build" - there is only one long run left. I can see the taper, ah, the blessed blessed taper, from here. Mind you when I get into the taper I usually hate it because I get very worried and irritable and very hungry. I've worked quite hard this winter to shed a bit of lard so I can start this marathon at close to the same weight I was last year.
A digression: this whole weight loss thingy is is a constant philosophical conundrum for me. I believe that weight does not equal attractiveness, character or worth. I am a constant (and strident, ask anyone) advocate for health measures based on actual health (eg blood sugar, blood pressure, cholesterol, resting heart rate) rather than a lazy-arsed bullshit extrapolation - I'm talking to YOU, BMI - based on specious correlations and society's desire for an outgroup that it is politically correct to vilify. GGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR (see "strident", above).
But then again, go and pick up something that weighs 4.5kg, the amount of weight I gained after my sinus operation last summer. Then think about carrying it 42.2km when if you cut out a few unnecessary and relatively unnoticeable kilojoules - I'm talking to YOU, extra helpings and too much wine - you wouldn't have to. I worry about being hypocritical, but my feet are thanking me after my long runs.
Segueing neatly back to running did you see that?, I've been reading the Best Book Ever I'm aware that it's been criticised as only suitable for dilettante non-respecters of the distance and that no Proper Runner would dream of toeing the line with fewer than eight days or 1000km/week under his or her belt. The program is specifically for first-timers and there's heaps of info about stretching (I did read about that somewhere before I think, I forget), nutrition, injury prevention etc etc. They're mad for mantras and I have been trying some out. These days keen observers on the rail trail might hear amongst the rushing river and birdsong a puffed and panted I run tall (reminding me to lengthen my spine and not slump forward), I run loose (reminding me to drop my shoulders and use my core), I run strong, I run straight. The last one is because if I don't pay attention my feet swing in arcs like an ice skater instead of a nice efficient straight line. I had a lightbulb moment about this the other week. When one is blessed with substantial knee and thigh acreage such as that which I possess, and you want your feet to go in a straight line, your knees must touch while you run! *slaps forehead* Well dip me in axle grease and call me slick, eh?
The main theme of the book is that the only way to fail-proof your first marathon - and who wants to fail after you've covered 42.2km? - is to not have a time goal. I like this. The assumption, though, is that if you've hung one piece of marathon bling around your neck and get all fired up for more, you'll want to go faster.
I've been thinking about this, and have come to the conclusion that I don't want to do it that way. It suits me much better to approach every marathon as though it's my first. In a way, each one is, because I've had massively different stuff going on for each one. Time goals (apart from make the cutoff) don't fit in with my other marathon goal, don't spend four months (plus race day) freaking out. Taper insanity is excluded from this of course. I went there a bit early this time - yesterday I completely changed my nutrition and hydration strategy (it worked beautifully btw). I know! Madness! And I'll be breaking in some new shoes this week too!
More anon, daredevils!

Here's to the future

2011-06-03T07:46:00.012+10:00

For once, the fascinating daily minutiae at Casa del LBTEPA is not about DRAMAS or PRESSURE or just-managing-to-pull-off-the-almost-impossible-at-the-last-minute. I've got some work to do on my last stats assignment, I'm a bit behind with my case notes and there are two long runs to be got through before VSM#4 ohsitohshitohshitwe'reallgoingtodie. But at this stage it appears that if I keep plugging along and avoid anyone who might harbour a lurgi there will be time for it all. It's a nice change from frantically squeezing it all in around my primary duties of spousing, mumming*, working etc etc.
In other news:
The Spousal Unit did one of those workplace health checks, and his results were Not All They Should Be. His waist-to-hip ratio, blood sugar, cholesterol and blood pressure only just squeaked in under the Get Thee to a Quack Forthwith range. I am quite pleased by this, in a way. Unlike my good self, most of my family and the majority of my friends, the Spousal Unit does not actively manage his health, diet, exercise etc. He has always had active jobs and relied on that to keep him in good nick. He doesn't like being careful about food - does anyone? I don't, but it's one of the things I'm prepared to suck up on my way to being a mad old lady who does crazy energetic things. This is a major long-term goal of the LBTEPA Corporation, and what's more I don't intend to do it alone.
But I digress. I was quite pleased by J's Slightly Alarming health results because finally, finally, instead of chirruping you need to look after your health over and over like a demented parrot, I can say you need to look after your health BECAUSE....and wave the results sheet in his face . Oh frabjous day!!
Working out the right exercise for the Spousal Unit was a bit of a puzzle. J walks all day at work, on concrete, so he wants to sit down afterwards, which is fair enough. He is a homebody who works stupid hours so he doesn't really want to go to the pool or the gym either. He loves watching tv as well. Clearly an exercise bike was the answer! Sitting down + tv + regular cardio = happy J and happy LBTEPA.
JFDI is the LBTEPA Way, as my five faithful readers know, so we went out last Friday and bought him a bike. It was really funny. We tried all the equipment in the shop and took so long about it that when J remarked that we didn't need to actually buy anything, we could just pop in there every lunchtime for a workout, I think the young sales person thought he meant it! We spent a bit on the thing but I justified it as about the cost of a couple of specialist visits in a few years if he doesn't do anything now. It has beepy buttons and readouts and a heart-rate thingy and a comfy seat and weighs a ton (but is on wheels) and I had to completely reorganise my study to fit it in but I was going to do that anyway so it's all good.
J loves it. He does his workouts every day and writes them all down and seems to be sleeping better and feeling more cheerful. I may be imagining these things as it's only been a week. I'm very happy anyway.More anon, long-range forecasters!
*I actually meant parenting, although I'm not averse to a bit of medieval seasonal play-acting should the opportunity arise

A satisfying conversation

2011-05-30T07:11:00.005+10:00

~In which LBTEPA's best self does not appear~
Last Saturday I was on my way back along the trail working my way through 30km when a couple of perky types breezed past me. I knew one of them vaguely from the tri club and the post office (I live in a small town) but not the other one. They were moving well faster than me of course, everyone does but I was feeling ok so there was a bit of "Hi!" "Hi!" and I thought nothing of it.
About an hour later, near the end of the trail, the two women breezed past again. "Hi!" said I again. I'm known for my originality. Keep going! said the one I didn't know.
There was a pause as I took this in.
Keep going???Keep going??? I left home at 5.30am! GGGRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!! thought I, but said nothing, only waved (breezily). It seemed the thing to do.
Not long afterward I reached the end of the trail where the two breezy types had stopped (ha!) and were stretching. It happened that it was time for one of my walk breaks so I stopped as well, and said
Nice day for it
Yes, it's good to be finished isn't it?
I'm still 5km from home, but I'm looking forward to getting there (see? Still breezy. Not aggressive At All)
Oh! How far have you done?
Umm, I'm running at the Gold Coast in five weeks so I'm doing some long ones now (see? Not showing off At All)
Are you going up for the marathon?
Yes
Are you doing your first full marathon up there?
Umm, no, this'll be my fourth now
(thinks: bwahahahaha, I'll give YOU keep going!).
(notes faintly startled looks, feels extremely smug)
How about you guys?
We're training for a half marathon next weekend!
Oh, are you doing Traralgon? Wow! That'll be great! Have fun!
(thinks: aww, your first half, how sweet).
Better get this finished now, bye!
Bye!

Please note: LBTEPA's Evil Twin has been coaxed back into her cage with tea and toasted sandwiches. Indiscriminate mental rantings at perfectly nice encouraging strangers have now ceased and normal blog service will resume shortly.

More anon, comrades!

2011-05-25T07:21:00.003+10:00

Not being one to complain (stop laughing!) I am just going to say how happy I am to have sent off the second draft of my literature review to my supervisor after an 11-hour revise-a-thon yesterday b/c she only sent it back last Thursday - she's expecting, poor lambie and has been a bit off-colour - and the Spousal Unit was working on the weekend and I had to go to Melbourne on Sunday to see my Dad, who is recovering wonderfully thank you God, and the sinus surgeon (all good-ish, just some pesky stuff but we are on to it) and didn't get back until Monday night and had to work on Tuesday morning. Tomorrow when I get it back I'll deal with whatever needs to be fixed up and hand it in. Then all I have to do is my stats exam.
Oh, and train for this pesky marathon thingy I have signed up for and bought plane tickets and booked a hotel......
Look, it is what it is. I've been a bit sad that my (ahem) "readership" has dropped off (grandiosity anyone?) but at least now that not many skinnyfasts read my burblings (hi Wes! Hi Mark! Hi Paul!) I'm not going to get lectured that I'm not respecting the distance because I have fish and chips for tea every Friday and my life ate some of my long runs. And some of my mid-week runs. And a little bit of my cross-training. 42.2km is going to happen on the third of June. It's going to be slow. It's going to be quite painful at some points. But that's ok. You do your impressive, well-organised, amazing 42.2km and I'll clap as you go past. I love seeing really good runners. They are so strong and well-trained and beautiful. But I'm not them, and I am going to do my underdone, slow, cheerful marathon my way.
Mind you this calm could wear off at any time and the AAAAARRRRGGGGGGGHH OMG oshitohshitohshitwe'reallgoingtodie monster could jump out of my head at any time. You have been warned.
More anon, day-trippers!

Well they SAID

2011-05-20T10:06:00.007+10:00

There was all this stuff all over the interwebs (so it must be true) about how the end of the world was on this weekend so I thought what the heck, I may as well lash out seeing as it's all puffs of smoke/long white smocks and wings/oblivion from now on - and then some charming WatchTower sellers came around and said it wasn't this weekend after all! But I've already taken the tags off and moved the buttons so I'm keeping it. More anon

Dear Diary

2011-05-16T09:25:00.008+10:00

Dear Diary
Last Tuesday I ran out of my thyroid medication. I was a bit disorganised that day no! you cry so I didn't get around to looking in the basket on top of the fridge for the script until Wednesday and realised I didn't have a refill left. Bugger I said, for the rest of the week wasn't looking filled with clear space to go the the drs and get a new one. Then stuff happened, as it does, and I forgot about it again. On Thursday I drove my parents three and a half hours to Melbourne so my Dad could have a heart procedure, just a keyhole thingy, no dramas. Or so we thought cue sinister music dun dun duhnnnn.....
There were three huge blockages and the valve is more buggered than they expected so poor Dad will be having A Triple Bypass and Valve Replacement! Cue wide open eyes and horrified gasp! Well of course we knew that was going to happen said my saintly yet sometimes quite annoying parents, he was far too crook for it to be fixed with stents, we were expecting this and it'll all be fine. They're old no offence Mum, they know heaps of people who've had OPENHEARTSURGERYAARRGGHHH and are now prancing about like young gazelles. That's all very well, say I, but this is My Dad!!!
I love my friends. One post on EffBee and I was inundated with stories about how their Dads/Uncles/Inlaws/friends at work have had OPENHEARTSURGERYAARRGGHHH and are now prancing about like young gazelles. A running friend of mine is actually a cardiac ICU nurse hi DG!!! and she said most of her patients who have had OPENHEARTSURGERYAARRGGHHH are now prancing about like young gazelles and Dad will feel much better really soon. Which is good.
It was pouring on Friday and Dad looked pretty crook all the way home so it was a bit of a strain, especially for Mum b/c I like to sing when I'm driving. Dad's a bit deaf so he was spared. I remembered to ring the Spousal Unit and get him to pop in to the Dr and order a refill for my thyroid medicine because they won't do it over the phone. I had planned to do my long run on Saturday morning, but instead we got stuck into the housework so the house was pleasant and welcoming again. Noddie and I had a massive row about how like an irretrievably spoiled brat she was choosing to behave, and I did a bike workout while J took Noddie to tap dancing. He did the shopping while he was out and came home with some mouth-watering prawns that he made into a delicious curry for tea. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm!
4.45 am came around really quickly on Sunday. I set out in my cool hat with the light in the brim, my camelbak, 1p0d, gels, gloves, the lot. I could tell pretty early it wasn't going to be one of those 'effortless' ones where you just float along (do you ever have them? You do? Bully for you *sulks*) but I'm pretty good at getting the not-super-fun ones done by now. I just felt strange. The curry made plain its displeasure at being awoken and shaken about at such an hour, but there are plenty of trees along the trail and it wasn't really too bad. It was more that I kept going hot and cold for no reason. After a while I felt almost separate from myself. It wasn't like normal tired and leg-weary at all. I was eating and drinking to The Schedule. I was going even more slowly than usual yet still moving! How does she do it? At 18km, all I could think was that I had to sit down. I. Had. To. Sit. Down. So I did.
Yes.
I. Sat. Down.
There are nine Benches O'Temptation on my 30km route. I do an out-and-back so that's 18 little moments of enticement to be given the finger before trudging gamely on. Never, ever before, not once have I stopped and rested on one. I didn't this time either - there wasn't one in sight so I sat on the ground. Just sat there. It was like a strange dream, where I was moving like cold honey and had no choice about it. When I got up again I had no run left. It crossed my mind that a Real Runner would be all Brave and Keen and walk home to Get the KMs On The Legs. After about a nanosecond I gave that idea the flick and rang my mum because the fam was at church. It seemed to take a long time to walk back to the highway. Mum's Jaguar is really comfortable.
Notes to self:
a) don't expect your thyroid medication to kick in overnight
b) DON'T RUN OUT OF THYROID MEDICATION SCRIPTS YOU IDIOT
c) The Spousal Unit's prawn curry is yummy but contra-indicated prior to long runs.
More anon, livers-and-learners!

Oh, come on

2011-05-09T10:03:00.001+10:00

Surely I wasn't the only one who looked at this on the bookstall at the market and saw "The Race Leader"?
More anon, slightly-obsessives!

Exceptional restraint

2011-05-06T09:16:00.015+10:00

The mind of the female, married, employed, studying, be-offspringed endurance sport afficionado is a complicated place. Take the weekly long run, for example no really, take it, I don't want it hahaha oh no I can't believe I did that sorry. Say, just for example, your would-be Very Slow Marathon runner plans, say, 28km as her long run for the week. This will require well over four hours away from the house. Her kid is seven so can't be left alone for too long and must be in bed by eight pm lest all hell breaks loose on the morrow. It is not the right-thinking VSMr Way to treat her parents or inlaws as free last-minute babysitters who exist to take up the slack on her lack of forethought. The VSMr's husband might be starting/finishing work any time between 6am and 9pm, on any five of seven days. Her only guide to this is a crumpled and scribbled-on roster on the fridge, which is about as accurate as my footy tipping. She also must fit in two mid-week runs, at least two cross-training days and a rest day here and/or there. The latest mid-week run must be two days before the long run. The long run Must Be Done becuase it's 8 weeks until VSM#4 and I was sick last week. It's mother's day on Sunday, which means a 10k, but that can be a trudge-fest if necessary. I'm on a seven year streak of mother's day bling. I'll crawl if I have to. Uni is Just Too Horrible to Mention but is another time-piranha.
To be precise Noddie's new favourite phrase, awww my time management is a sudoku in sanskrit.
So when I spoke to the Spousal Unit yesterday (Thursday) and at the end of the conversation he casually mentioned that he had changed his Saturday shift from a 10am (doable if I leave at Stupid O'Clock) start to a 7am (You're F#$%ing Joking) start, I restrained myself to remarking (in stern tones) that this was EXCEPTIONALLY INCONVENIENT, rather than swearing aloud, bursting into tears or leaving the office and driving home specifically to dong him on the noggin with a wok. I thought that was rather well done.

More anon, Carthaginians! We shall find a way, or make one!

Evolution

2011-05-02T10:19:00.004+10:00

This time last year I would have kept going on that run on Saturday morning, and suffered and suffered and suffered and got a lot sicker for my stupidity. The year before I would have spent a lot of energy blaming myself (not being in perfect health all the time is solely and completely one's own fault, no?) and on oh why? oh why? oh woe! oh woe!
This year I'm just irritated and a bit gloomy about being sick for so long, and doing what I can when I can. So go me! Yay! (I think).
In other news:
Project You Don't Want to Have to Admit You Stuffed Up, Do You*? has been going well, with only one confessional sms required in the first seven days. The ante is slightly up this week (hint: chocolate and wine, crikey) but I'm up for it. LBTEPA's crack team of Multivariate Statisticians continue to toil gamely away at the Impossible Assignment, aka OMG I'm Going to Fail*, albeit with frequent breaks for refreshing wallows in the self-pity pool and looking at shoes on the interweb. But Progress Has Been Made*, and that's the main thing. I keep reminding myself that once this b@stard is handed in there's no more course work, and (ahem) "only" two placements and my thesis to do before I am a Proper Psychologist who will finally get paid Proper Money.*
So. Onward! 2-way ANOVA here we come.
More anon, sparklers!

*The Ethics Committee of LBTEPA Institute would like to assure readers that No Capital Letters Were Harmed in the Production of This Post

Because this year I am an athlete, not a hero

2011-04-30T06:26:00.003+10:00

You'll be so proud:
Friday
Most of the day - sore face, a bit wheezy, slightly raspy throat. It's a smoky day, it's nothing
8pm - get everything ready for the morning's long run
10pm - tell Spousal Unit I don't feel well. I'm sure I feel better in the morning
10.15 pm - bed
Saturday
1am, 2am, 3am, 4.15 am - wake up and check the clock. I still feel a bit crook, oh well when I get up I'll feel better
5.15 am - get up, get dressed drink tea, eat bread and vegemite etc etc. Think about ventolin and panadol for my poor sore head and tight chest
5.55 am - hit the road
6.05 am - think about ventolin and panadol
6.10 am - go home, go back to bed. There will be other runs.

*accepts rapturous applause*

More anon, big-picture thinkers!

True confessions

2011-04-26T15:31:00.010+10:00

Eight-and-a-tiny-bit months from now I am going to
- fly for 15 hours with an 8 year old
- spend 3 days in Honolulu
- fly for fourteen more hours(two flights)to Florida
- get my race packet at a massive expo I've seen photos, it's scary
- walk around a theme park all afternoon
- do a half marathon
- walk around a theme park all afternoon
- do a marathon
- walk around a theme park all the next day
- spend three more weeks touristing and having a splendid time
The eating and drinking habits currently being practiced at Camp LBTEPA do not support these plans. Your heroine would like to point out that she does not consider her weight per se to be the issue. Instead, LBTEPA wishes she could in all honesty describe herself as a poster girl for strong and fit and fabulous, but alas, cannot. She would have to put her hand up in answer to "who feels bloated and tired and heavy?" Although it may sound cool to live by the motto if you can't be a good example be a dire warning, quite frankly this sh*! is getting old woot woot woot Lent is over!!!!!
It's time to smarten up.
Yeah yeah yeah, you say, politely concealing either a yawn or a contemptuous smile, we've heard this before, Mrs All Talk No Action. What's so different about this time?
To be quite truthful: I don't really know.
I'm still going to have the same life, family, job, studies and marathons to manage. I'll still be me, mood swings and what's the point I give up pour me some bubbles and all. But what other options are there? Give up? Not an option! Seeking a healthy, sustainable way to live is the LBTEPA Way, and that's all there is to it. Long Happy Life R Us.
Noddie and I were watching a dvd of the 2007 Ironman World Championships onya Macca! while I did my bike workout I know, that poor child. She said she wants us to do an IM together when she's old enough. I'll be 55 when she's 18. So there's that. Then there's OMG not very long at all oh dear oh dear until Gold Coast, Melbourne, Goofy...... I hope there'll always be another Big Thing on the horizon, and there's no reason why not....if I take care of myself.
Just between you, me and the other four faithful readers, there is one big difference this time. My secret weapon = accountability. Don't worry, I won't be spilling my guts on the interweb and begging your forgiveness! (Ewww. And Not Your Job). A kind friend of mine from the non-virtual world has agreed, God bless her, that if I stuff up on my (not very difficult) weekly goals, I must text her and confess. No BS. No excuses.
Eeek!
I can feel a new phase coming on............

more anon, rainbow seekers!

Things pass

2011-04-20T12:02:00.008+10:00

The longer I do Very Slow Marathons and other Glacially Slow Endurance Sports, the more I learn that the the title of this post is true. There's a thread on a running forum that I grace with my presence from time to time, along the lines of "how do you maintain a positive mindset during your long runs?" Keen Helpful Types have provided advice such as run with friends ,vary your route, never run with music becuase it stops you Communing With Nature, run with music, ogle local hotties, remind yourself that every step is making you fitter and stronger and getting you closer to your goals etc etc etc. God Bless their enthusiasm and their little wicking socks.
My answer? I DON'T.
Expecting your old mate LBTEPA to be in a positive frame of mind for the entirety of her long runs is about as realistic as imagining her willingly buying a white car with automatic transmission or leaving the house without lipstick. Not. Gunna. Happen. Recipe for disappointment. Just as a side topic, I find 'low expectations' to be a very helpful strategy in many situations. One is often pleasantly surprised.
Which leads me neatly to Saturday's long run. I don't know whether it was becuase I was coming down with something although you'd think I'd be used to THAT by now LE SIGH or whether I'd actually managed to string together a reasonable week of training prior to the run, but I was a bit leg-weary quite a bit earlier than usual. Like 5kms in. Bugger, I thought to myself, this is gunna be a toughie. And I was right (cue sinister music dun dun dun daahhhhhh).
As devotees of the LBTEPA Diaries will recall, I am lucky enough to run along the rail trail and be uplifted as I sweat by the beauty of the early morning sky, cows, trees, the music of the birds and frogs etc etc. That stuff doesn't always work, you know. If you're really stuck in a head full of I'm so slow, why do I bother, I'm a joke, I'm so fat, what a loser, I hate this, I'm so slow, why do I bother sometimes all the charming cows and delightful frogs in the world can't get you out.
No! you gasp, as well you might. However did our heroine make it through?
She sucked it up, that's how. After trying coaxing (come on, cheer up, you can do this), bullying (FFS* you big la-la stop being such a baby) and reframing (which only works when you know what? this isn't so bad isn't A Lie) - I came to the conclusion that this was just how it was going to be today. Oh well. A cranky noggin and tired legs does not equal stop and go home. Elementary, my dear Watson. Just Keep Going is a case of mind over matter - I hated every step, wanted to stop oh so badly and wished with all my heart that I had a less stupid hobby, but I didn't really mind so it didn't matter. I just kept going and going and going, drinking my water and having my gels and eventually I realised that I was feeling a bit less terrible. Mind you I was very happy when I rang my Mum and she agreed to run the last 6km with me, preventing me from lying down on the path refusing to move or ringing the Spousal Unit for a Lift Home Of Extreme Lameness. If she hadn't got a sniff of the barn and taken off 1km from home, thereby obliging me to chase her, I mean she's 72 for heaven's sake I have some pride we might still be friends.
Lessons from Saturday's 24km:
24km is a long way but slow people get there the same way fast people do - one step at a time.
Realising that you've done this before and didn't die is helpful.
Things pass if you let them.
Even if they don't, you can still Just Keep Going.
Mums are grouse even when they make you run (ahem) 'fast'.
Ice baths cannot be accurately described by persons who have foresworn swearing for Lent*.
More anon, scholars!
*thought-swearwords don't count

Remember

2011-04-18T19:36:00.007+10:00

- whatever it is you're struggling with, someone you know will be doing it far better than you and really easily and banging on about it on effbee and/or their blog, which will also be much nicer, cooler and have lots more comments than yours.
- do not take this personally.

So what's happening with all of you these days? I'd love to be thrilled by the awesomeness of your lives!

More anon

Later that day

2011-04-16T12:59:00.008+10:00

The wonderfully conscientious people who work at the sinus surgeon's office rang back 4 times I left my phone in the car ok? to tell me that since my surgeon is on holidays they spoke to another surgeon aren't they The Best? who said that prolonged aerobic exercise was ok as long as my nose doesn't get any worse, or (I quote) "uncomfortable".
I see just one problem with that...... you'll have to click on it to see it properly, but it's pretty funny

I put 24 km in the marathon bank this morning, about which - since I must keep writing and writing and writing and writing and writing -
more anon, teeth gritters!

Oh c... I mean b.... I mean oh dear

2011-04-15T12:02:00.005+10:00

Giving up swearing for Lent is still a challenge. Bring on Easter Sunday, I say - I'll be hopping around the front yard with my bunny ears on dropping the F-bomb like it was chocolate eggs.
When I haven't been working/mumming/spousing/training I've been writing and writing and writing and writing to try and keep up with what I thought was the timetable for my uni assignments...until I actually checked it today and found that The Big One (5000 words, 100% of the unit) is actually due three weeks before I thought it was. I feel sick. HTFU time Has Arrived.
Training for VSM #4 is going well thanks for asking, although the Bastard Sinuses remain a presence. Someone asked me how the antibiotics had worked and I said, oh, really well, it's all good except my nose is still bleeding a bit and my face is pretty painful....
...there was a pause as she looked at me as though I'd said my nose is fine, EXCEPT IT'S ON FIRE. Which in effect I had. *slaps self on head*
Reality has sunk in, gentle readers. I'm waiting to hear back from the surgeon's office about the advisability or otherwise of frequent prolonged aerobic exercise (see Marathon Training, above).
Le sigh....
Breathing in, breathing out, writing writing writing writing panicking writing writing......
More anon

Let the panicking begin

2011-04-11T13:54:00.004+10:00

Rewards

2011-04-07T10:27:00.016+10:00

Yesterday the Spousal Unit had an early shift = no morning workout for LBTEPA. These things happen
Sad things happened to three people I know.(ditto)
One made me really ANGRY as well, because I feel so helpless about the whole stupid mess mind you it didn't happen to me and it's really none of my business
So being the impressively balanced person and dedicated athlete that everyone so admires, *coughbullshitcough* I had a good cry and then dived into a big pile of pizza and chardy = no evening workout for LBTEPA if you can't be a good example be a dire warning I suppose
I set the alarm but forgot to click the button good thing I think the subconscious is a load of cr@p eh?
I had a really nasty nightmare altogether now boohoohoo poor baby
and woke up at the veerrryyy end of the available-time-to-run window, just a teeeensy bit dehydrated *coughbullshitcough*
and in the most savage of moods. In these circumstances, as a rule, more sleep = good
unless...
the Spousal Unit was on a late shift = no evening workout for LBTEPA = whine all you want but get your lardy arse the expletive out of bed (I'm hanging in there with the 'giving up swearing for Lent' thing, as you can see) and on the road.
For my pains (and don't think there weren't any, cause there bloody were), I got the most beautiful sunrise you ever saw.
I don't think it meant anything but it was nice.
86 days until VSM#4, and 274 days until The Stupidest Idea EverTM

More anon,cross-dressers*
*coz by crikey I was cross this morning when I got dressed. These things happen

Satisfying

2011-04-03T11:02:00.009+10:00

Let me start with an enthusiastic round of applause to my friend the amazing Secret Sara who completed Trailwalker yesterday! Well done you legend!
The Bastard Sinuses are really putting up a fight this time Ha! I, and my antibiotics, laugh with scorn at them! Haha! so I'm running at about 75% energy at the 'mo. These things happen. No dramas apart from daylight savings ending sob - and by the way, summer 2010-11, that was a poor effort! Booo! and Noddie still getting up at the same time. Le sigh. I still put 22km in the marathon bank, and finished another piece of uni work from the now-ever-so-slightly-less-daunting mountain.
I ran along the rail trail yesterday. It's so pretty there, and level, and there are no cars excuse me LBTEPA, Captain Obvious would like his cape back which makes it much easier to switch off and kind of float on top of the physical effort. I was talking to some blokes at a work thing during the week who could not comprehend how moving doggedly along for 3+ hours could be something I look forward to. I could only give them the same answer I gave Noddie when she asked me did you enjoy your run Mummy? I replied it was satisfying on many levels. Poor kid.
I don't run for fun. Running for a long time is not fun. I run because I like it. I like being strong and (relatively) healthy and doing hard stuff that takes a long time to prepare for. I like showing off and feeling a bit smug and surprising people when they ask me what I do in my spare time, and I'm prepared to work bloody hard for that! I like having something in my life that's just there becuase I want to do it. No other reason. It's mine.
And there's the bling too of course.

....did I mention the bling? Oh. I did. Sorry.

Someone else asked me why I do marathons rather than, say 10k races. I told her, I do a 10km, I'm pretty much always going to be at the back of the pack. I run a marathon, I'm still at the back (of the back of the back) of the pack but I've done a marathon. I can't explain it better than that.
Or maybe with this

More anon, lunatics!

Maaaaaaaaate....

2011-03-28T16:48:00.009+11:00

Maaaaaaaaaate......
There is just So Much Going On at Schloss LBTEPA. I am almost speechless with feeling overwhlemed, and since bleating maketh not for a good blog, I have shut myself away from you, my five faithful readers. But you know what? No more. Best brace yourselves.
After a week of bleah, I've got over the Bastard Sinus Infection from Hell, which I must say was a pale shadow of its previous incarnations. I also must point out that it's been six months since I was last really crook, which is unheard of here at the LBTEPA Centre for Disease Control. I've been to Melbourne for a couple of days for uni don't get me started on how shabbily we are being treated now that the course is no longer taking students grrrrrrrrrrr and realised that I have so much work to do that between now and mid-June Noddie and the Spousal Unit might just as well get used to pushing pita bread under the study door
*fans self at the frightening enormity of it all*
Ooh ooh ooh!! I meant to tell you!!!! Not only did we shell out for our tickets to the US during the week, but I also signed up for Goofy! It. Is. Really. Happening. The entries have been open for a couple of weeks but the link to the size chart for the race shirts was broken for a while and I wasn't taking the chance of getting the wrong size. Stop laughing! This little jaunt is expensive and I want mementos that I can wear to the shops for years to come.

Ok for shops

Not ok for shops

It's 96 days until VSM#4 and all I can say is AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! I did 20.5km on Sunday morning, after getting off the train at 10pm the previous night ('coz I'm just hardcore like that) *snort*. In my infinite wisdom, rather than a nice out-and-back along the rail trail (shade, level, asphalt) I chose to do a point-to-point to the inlaws', where Noddie was staying because J was on an early shift blah blah blah boring domestic minutiae. From now on when I drive or ride my bike along a charming country road chockers with scenic vistas etc etc I will notice whether there is any verge to the road (a clue: no) or a noticeable and irritating camber most of the way (clue: yes). It was good to get into that almost peaceful mindset where there's a long way to go and there's nothing you can do about it and it's not a bad day really and it doesn't hurt that much. Mind you this reverie was frequently interrupted by %$&#*! A car! Jump into the bushes! but that was ok too. I got there in one piece. I'm glad I don't have to do a marathon today.
Back to the study now. I don't really care for pita bread that much.
More anon, big dreamers!

We have rummaged down the back of the couch

2011-03-22T08:00:00.003+11:00

and paid our airfares to the US next January! Florida and Hawaii, here we come!
I recognise that I will quite likely become more excited as time goes by, but quite frankly I can't see how.
More - much more - anon, adventurers!

Still here

2011-03-19T15:01:00.005+11:00

...that should actually read Still here? So am I! How are you all? Keeping well?
As my five faithful and astute readers will have noticed, there has been little blogging at Chateau LBTEPA of late. This is becuase your hero is quite determined that this year will not be one tedious OhnooonotagainI'msickandcan'ttrainwoeisme post after another. So now that I am sick (and the above, I must confess has been a recurring motif in my thoughts and conversation), I've been a bit stuck for words, and energy for that matter. To be quite honest I've been riding the self-pity train all the way to Poor Me City. Trust me, you don't need to read about that.
But still
- it's been six whole months since the last Attack of the Bastard Sinuses. My five faithful readers will recognise that this is A Very Long Time between antibiotics for me. Hurrah!
- having the Best Sinuses Money Can BuyTM makes a huge difference. With this much room in the schnozz area, all I have to put up with is feeling weak and sick and a bit of pain, not OMGifImovemyheaditwillexplodepleaseshootmenow. Again I say, hurrah!
- although I'm very disappointed at missing the tri club championship race tomorrow, if Chrissie Wellington can suck it up cheerfully and graciously, then so can I. These things happen.
Now it's 15 weeks until VSM #4. I'm Quite Excited and also Quietly Confident. Let me tell you why.
The other week I set out on my first Long Run of this campaign (don't laugh, that's what I call them, it makes me feel all Napoleonic). Things did not bode well, my friends. Noddie and J dropped me off 14.5km from home while they went out in the boat (no chance of a lift home). It was 1pm (getting to the warmest part of the day) and smoky from the bushfires (not the best conditions for The Best Sinuses Money can BuyTM even at their efficient best). I couldn't get my shoe tied properly. My hip hurt. My water belt kept slipping. This whole marathon thing was a joke, I was a joke and what was I thinking putting myself through this humiliating BS again? It was a true blue whingefest all right. And then....
I remembered how to run. It didn't get easier and I don't think I got faster, but something in my head changed and I realised I know how to do this. Just Keep Moving. Think about your form and your breathing. Listen to your music and enjoy the scenery, the paddocks and the cows and the river and the trees. Run three, walk one. Let it hurt as much as it hurts and take as long as it takes. It was a good run, in the end. I've done another one since. It was good too.
More anon, cheerful pressers-on!

Tuesday ten

2011-03-15T12:19:00.004+11:00

I used to live in Japan, not that that makes me anything special or any more or less shocked and appalled by what's happened there. When I think of how densely the (by our standards) flimsy dwellings are packed together and how flat the land is, I just feel sick. I've had to practice what I preach and limit myself to the occasional look at a news site. Thankfully, our dear blogger friend Kathryn is safe.
It's hard not to dwell on all these awful, awful things that have happened so close together. It's hard not to think that the world is an awful place and wish that 2011 would just finish the (*insert expletive here: I have given up swearing for Lent so I can't help you*) up and go away.
But we can't, and we mustn't. We can't pretend the world is kind and that bad things never happen to good people, but we must also notice the things that bring joy to our lives. I'll start.
Today I appreciate
- my fab new work pants, that I bought online (eek), arrived in 3 days and look awesome.
- J planting the rose I bought at the market
- I got the washing in off the line before the rain hit on Sunday night.
- It's so sunny today!
- Our budgie is chirping his little head off, such a pleasant sound
- a client cancelled just before lunch so I got the groceries-servo-pharmacy run done (= won't have to drag Noddie around after school)
- my placement for next semester has been approved!
- I saw the sun rise when I was out on my bike this morning
- Red shoes
- the Spousal Unit and Noddie
That's my ten.
What's good in your life today?

More anon, groovers!
Please note: normal programming will resume shortly. Oh my do I have some running stuff to faff on about!

Run for Christchurch

2011-03-06T15:55:00.007+11:00

Wanna know a Good Thing To Do?
1. Click here.
2. Donate some money.
3. Run or walk 5km next weekend, wearing red and black in honour of our devastated Kiwi friends.
4. Count your blessings.
That is all.

More anon, comrades!

Amazing words from amazing friends

2011-02-27T15:57:00.026+11:00

I noticed a glaring omission on my chart o' fabulousness this morning - I didn't organise myself to blog this week! So here I am. I'll keep this short because it'll be dark in about an hour and a half and I am Making Lemonade by riding my bike to my inlaws' new house (they are only 20km away now , oh woe! oh woe! No no no I never said that, naughty Evil LBTEPA has been hijacking my blog again)
But I digress.
My imaginary internet friends have been in particularly scintillating and thought-provoking form lately. In the interests of brevity I will note the phrases which jumped out and lodged in the LBTEPA noggin, changing it forever, then direct you to their posts....bugger, I have run out of time, will finish this tomorrow

AMAZING THOUGHTS FROM AMAZING FRIENDS
1. The mighty DG
Last year I hated opening my wardrobe. All those too-tight or just plain too-small clothes seemed to mock me. They were testament to my lack of self-control, my weakness, my laziness... (so been there, sister!) Something has shifted in the past few weeks...A dress is just a dress again, not failure-on-a-coathanger. (the most perfect phrase ever!) What saddens me is how little I wore these clothes when I actually did fit into them.
This last is the key, my fabulous friends. While we here at the LBTEPA Style Bureau are all about Dressing Appropriately, we strongly believe that in this sad, beige world, it is our Duty to Share the Inner Diva. Be the chick who wears dresses to work! Rock those awesome shoes and earrings on the school run! Be the only one at the races in a hat! Nothing bad will happen, I promise.
2. You may be thinking, but geez LBTEPA, how shallow you are faffing on about being fabulous when the world is so hard and harsh and people are suffering with terrible floods and cyclones and earthquakes. The ever-brilliant Kathryn has some thoughts on this:
It makes you realise that in an instant, your life can be changed forever - whether its a disaster that makes the world news or a private tragedy. What can we do in this life but hold those people we treasure close to our hearts, and not let the precious moments slip away....and make the most of today - do something brave and sparkling and daring, because life is now.
So. True.
3. The gorgeous Linda, who absolutely embodies a sparkling, beige-defying life, pointed out the blindingly obvious (although not to me in recent times) - you can't out-train a bad diet. Thanks for the *slapping forehead* moment mate! I needed that!
4. Finally, St Thomas Aquinas (not that I know him, he's been dead for ages) said this:
JOY IS THE NOBLEST HUMAN ACT.
Go back and read that again. What an amazing thought. Joy as an act. I have this on a little plaque near my front door to remind me that joy is a choice. It's easy to focus on the bad stuff. It's much harder to live a joyful life in this imperfect world. It takes practice and discipline and courage, and it's a gift to everyone you encounter.

In other news, remember I wasn't going to buy any clothes this year? I'm sorry. Won't happen again.
More anon, sparklers!

19 and a bit

2011-02-17T13:37:00.008+11:00

19 and a bit weeks....
136 days.....
Roughly 3264 hours....
About 195840 minutes.....
until Very Slow Marathon #4, Gold Coast 2011.
Crikey! Better get cracking then!
Now, what to do first?

???

Nahhh.... ???

Nahhh...

Aha! I know! The answer to everything!

Now, onward!
More anon, hyperventilators....

Sunday

2011-02-14T10:30:00.010+11:00

I reckon yesterday was almost the perfect day.
I wanted to do a bike workout. The Spousal Unit wanted to go to a market (LBTEPA: aka a collection of junk stalls ew ew ew yawn yawn) in a little town 20km away, and then out in the boat. Noddie didn't want to do anything she seems to be in "default setting = "NO!" mode a lot lately, le sigh.... This discouraged J. We'll just go to the market quoth he, it's too cold and it might rain and I'm too tired.
Mummy Took Charge (as she does). No No No she quoth in turn (we were having a quoth-y day) I will help you get ready, and We Will Have Fun.
We did, too. I rode my bike to the market while J and Noddie faffed around looking at...err... stuff. The good ship Mad Dog carried us across the lake to the 90 mile beach where we paddled and made sandcastles until we were driven away by the #$%*!$ sandflies ow ow ow note to self: keep some aerogard IN the boat. Then Noddie wanted to swim in the lake but we'd not brought our togs - so we said bugger it, we're wearing undies and had a brilliant time hurling ourselves off the jetty and mucking about in the water. The jetty was about eight feet above the water so I thought Noddie was a bit of a legend jumping in. Oh Mummy, she said, it's almost like flying! When we got a bit cold we climbed back into the good ship Mad Dog and went home across the lake. I'd done all the washing and folding on Saturday so there was nothing to do but cook a roast for tea. Perfect.
Now I really must get stuck into my uni stuff and last year's tax. I'm in such a good mood it doesn't seem like quite such a mountain now. And I have a teaspoon. No worries!
What's your perfect Sunday?
More anon, blessing counters!

HB2M!

2011-02-12T09:08:00.014+11:00

Planet LBTEPA status report. Stardate SATURDAYMORNINGDRINKINGTEAINMYDRESSINGGOWN.
- 44 revolutions of the sun completed, crikey when did that happen? Thursday, silly. You were there! You ate this fabulous chocolate crackle cake! - celebrations: appropriate. Cake, a card and flowers at work what a lovely surprise they are so nice :). When a client conveniently cancelled just before lunch, I headed for the beach, hopped into my togs and swam out past the breakers. For the next half hour I just enjoyed myself in the clear green water. Happy Birthday to me!
To mark the auspicious occasion, Chateau LBTEPA was the scene of such a soiree as our rural hamlet has never witnessed. We actually just kept inviting people we like and then when it came time to buy the food we counted them all up....and said, thirty five?....oh.....but it was all cool apart from being very hot and extremely humid but that just meant every time a chair near the air conditioner was vacated someone else sat down in it rather quickly and pretended they'd been there for ages, which was amusing to watch and everyone seemed to have a good time or at least said they did. LBTEPA herself pronounced it The Best Birthday Ever. Next morning at legal training for work LBTEPA was reported to have consumed two diet c0kes before morning tea, but this has not been confirmed.

Stardate POST-SLOWSWEATYRUNDAMNTHATWASHARDOHWELLATLEASTIT'S DONE
- it has struck LBTEPA recently that Time is Ticking By. It's getting close to time to Get Serious. -in the short term, I have a backlog of stuff from uni last year, thanks to the Amazing Disappearing Supervisor, the current semester's stuff and also my tax to do. Time to Buckle Down. Le Sigh. It's been a fun summer faffing around with sprint tris but it will soon be time to think about Gold Coast, Melbourne and Goofy. I'm also wondering how I might fit this in.
- in the long term, I need to really Take A Good Hard Look at Myself regarding my health. I've gained a fair bit of weight in the last year - no problem in itself of course, as anyone can be splendidly healthy at any size. However, the eating and drinking habits in which I've been indulging are neither compatible with what I want to do in 2012 nor with good health in the long term. As my five faithful readers are aware, I struggle with "I'm feeling tired/sad/angry/overwhelmed /might as well have a chardy/ well f#$% it might as well eat those chips" Syndrome. Maybe I always will. Although it is the LBTEPA way to do her level best to make make a fabulous and rich life appear effortless, it never will be. It isn't meant to be.
So.
My Chart O'Good Things is proving a great help. The Spousal Unit is being wonderful. I'm exercising nearly every day - the "2011 SWEATING' box in my sidebar is proving a strangely effective incentive - and have even Cooked some Proper Food, out of a recipe book and everything! Although logging my food is a screaming bore, it's proving helpful in terms of being mindful, and choosing to eat stuff I actually want to eat. The LBTEPA Research Lab is currently working on Project Stuffwe'vetakenforgranted, including (but not limited to) Wellit'ssaturdaynightit'sbeenabigweeklet'shavesomebubbles. No! you gasp - but Yes! We'll go there!
Stay tuned....
More anon, gallivanters!

Allstars and Superstars

2011-02-07T13:03:00.021+11:00

I was lucky enough to do a corporate team triathlon on Sunday with some workmates. Apart from one friend, I knew little about my teammates - apart from the fact that they were up for a challenge! It was a case of one old triathlon warhorse (me) and five others who'd previously done one triathlon between them (!) fronting up to the line on a mixture of bravado, curiosity and because-I-said-I-would. The mighty GLCH Allstars and Superstars, smiling with relief!
The day started in a fearsome fashion. The area was drenched and lashed by the tip of Cyclone Yasi's 3000km tail - it was pouring and cold and blowing a gale. A tree down over the main road to the venue caused an accident as a car spun on the wet road trying to avoid it and hit a tree. I was first on the scene and felt sick to see a woman slumped over the steering wheel. She was quite shocked but able to move and speak quite well. After I'd rung the emergency services, and some other bossy organising-type people arrived and took over, I kept going as I would just have been in the way. The woman was ok, thank goodness - a friend of mine who knows her told me she was released from hospital later that day with concussion and bruising. Our teams were huddled together under our marquee when I arrived. They are mostly quite slender people and the wind was freezing. I was worried about the weak swimmers in the whitecaps (in the sheltered lake!!) - but thankfully, the wind died altogether half an hour before the start and stayed away until after the race.
I was pleased with my race. The ride was mostly uphill on the way out ewwwww, and therefore very agreeable for we mass-enhanced athletes on the way back, especially since I got my brakes fixed. My target all ahem "summer" has been to reliably run 2km non-stop straight off the bike, no matter what - no small thing for this Very Slow Marathoner. I did run all the way, including an ahem "impressive" burst of speed into the transition area to hand over the chip to my teammate.
I just about burst with pride at the others. They were great, especially one bloke who, when he said I can't swim, didn't mean I can't swim very well. He literally could not swim. 300m is a long way in double-armed backstroke and dog paddle. Guts, bloke. Guts. Well done sir. The all-conquering GLCH Allstars
Since I had spent Saturday afternoon volunteering at the registration table I knew a few people from the tri club. I was surprised at how many other people from around the place I knew who were either racing or cheering on friends. I called in to work this morning to drop off some photos and there are already murmurings of next year we'll have to......(train harder, get more teams up, organise a barbecue etc etc) around the place.
It's all good.
More anon, adventurers!