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Tuesday, June 26, 2012

I wrote this yesterday but I feel a little bit better now

I keep telling people that I'm so sad and I nearly always feel sad and I've felt sad for ages and ages and it doesn't really go away. I don't want to go to Queensland because at least when I'm busy at home I can avoid walking (avoiding walking is how you fix a chip fracture). In Queensland all I want to do is walk and I won't be able to, or else I will JFDI so we can have some fun at the water slides and the theme parks but all the time I'll feel my ankle hurting and be worried that I'm making it worse. I feel completely lost and overwhelmed with study and my placements and housework and fitness and all that stuff.  I keep chipping away at it, not-enough tiny bit by not-enough tiny bit and then sometimes I feel a little bit better, enough at least to not let my sadness infect everyone around me. People keep saying to me there will be other races, you'll be stronger next year becuase of this, you'll lose the weight you've gained, you'll have such a good time on your holiday and you'll come back so relaxed...They're not listening. They're telling me that I don't, that I shouldn't feel the way I do. They think it's trivial. I've tried to tell some (appropriate) people how I feel but they haven't listened and I've wished I hadn't said anything. The Spousal Unit is the only one who hears me and he doesn't know what to say. There's nothing to say. Just hang in there. This will pass.

I'm feeling a little bit better today. Not so shaky and I don't want to cry all the time. I've caught up with all my placement logs and actually written some of the Thesis that Ate My Brain. The Mighty Mary Sunshine posted a link to some awesome shirts, which I will not be buying (the postage to Australia is a bit steep) but which are helping.Weights help. Cardio helps


More anon, heroes! 

Sunday, June 17, 2012

A whole new world

Greetings from Planet I Have a Plan and I'm Not Afraid To Use It!
I feel obliged to confess that I am having a lot of trouble with step 3.
I do have A Chart, however; and will press on gamely, as is the LBTEPA Way.


More anon, glovelies!

Friday, June 15, 2012

Now the Plan Is This

HTFU
Cheer the F*** Up
Work out what to do next
Do it.
Easy!


More anon, swizzlers!

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Well that's just super

The CT scan was all good, no structural abnormalities. I went to Melbourne on Wednesday for my MRI, in lieu of waiting for the good drs in the nearest regional centre to triage my referral and tell me when my appointment would be, probably not until August given that I don't have cancer or anything really terrible. I had a  very rare nice day out all alone in the big smoke including some nice shoes but you knew that was going to happen ;)
The MRI found a small (.3cm) chip fracture of the anterior process of the calcaneus (kal-KAY-nee-us NOT kal-sin-ayus, for those inclined to linguistic accuracy). That's the front of the heel near where it joins to the ankle. All ligaments are 'within the normal range'  phew phew phew phew. The  Dr's advice (via  the practice secretary) is that it will resolve in 6-12 weeks (!!!??!?!) and  that I don't need to talk to him about it. HMMMMMMMM
Well.
I will certainly be talking to the council about reimbursing my out-of-pocket medical fees. Also my race entries - Traralgon, Gold Coast and Sandringham are GONE. Bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger. If I squeak it a little bit I might be able to start running again in mid-August but that's nowhere near long enough to prepare for Melbourne *sad face* swear words swear words swear words crying swear words. Bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger.
If I categorised my posts as some bloggers do, bless their organised little cotton socks, this would be under 'blunk drogging' as me and the chardy have been cheering each other up pretty steadily this pm no seriously my typing goes to #$%& when I've had a few, it's hilarious but I fix it up to spare my own sadly vain blushes. One dy I won't just to give you  giggle.
I don't want tomorrow to come. I will be sober. and it will be time to HTFU, suck It Up, reframe, make Plans, Be Plucky and Set A Good Example. Being F***ing SAD and P*SSED OFF will have to be put aside. Just now I'm letting them happen.
Until tomorrow, my ducklings! Then there will be Plans aplenty, oh yes there will. But not now

Thursday, June 07, 2012

just a thought

I was going to delete this stupid blog, with all its stupid whining, and then I realised it wouldn't make my buggered ankle go away. I'm so brainy.
So I have had a nice big cup of

 put on my
   sorry, my 
and am off to the CT scan now. Huzzah!
UPDATE: I have been zapped & will hear some news tomorrow if I can catch the Dr before he heads off on the long weekend. Otherwise it'll be Tuesday.
More anon, mountaineers!

Wednesday, June 06, 2012

Oh well

so I rested my ankle for two weeks as the physio said, and then I went for a nice little short run in the rain and wind (it's been really terrible, half the district is under water ) and it was so great and I felt so alive and happy and then afterward I iced it as per said physio advice and it was so painful it almost burned and it's been really sore all day today so I went to the dr again and he said I need a CAT scan and maybe an MRI and not to run or cycle (b/c clipping out hurts my ankle) until it's all sorted out which could be a while so no Gold Coast half marathon and quite likely no Melbourne marathon because that's 16 weeks away and I'd need to get to work now if I was taking a tilt at it again.
I am so sad about this. I don't want to go to Queensland now. I don't want to be near another race I'm not doing. Not again. I'm so sad.
Everlasting injury BS makes for boring blogging I know Obut I need to write this down somewhere otherwise my head will EXPLODE. This is STUPID. I was just buying some prawns FFS. I AM  SO UPSET.
I don't want my ankle to be trashed. I want to run and train and sweat and RACE and GET BLING. I am disappointed and angry and sad and sad and sad. 
 My CAT scan is tomorrow morning and I should hear the results within the week. Then we'll see what's next.
Oh well.

More anon, plodders on!