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Friday, May 25, 2012

Little by little

So I went to the dr and asked him why my ankle was so sore so long after the Great Prawn Disaster and he said he thought it was ligament damage and that I should see the physio to start sussing out the extent of the damage and that if it was a worst-case scenario I should ring up to get a referral for a CT scan and/or MRI.
Oh, I said.
So how can I make this worse?
Keep running on it, he said. R.E.S.T. is step one.
Can we just take a moment here to acknowledge that I am OVER RESTING? I am rested Up To Pussy's Bow, what with horrendous blisters and irritated sinuses and coughs and gastro bugs and all the other stuff I am so bored with and feel so pathetic about that I don't even blog about it any more to avert the risk of anyone falling off his or her chair with the tedium. I grapple with the wake up at 3.30am with painful sinuses/finally get back to sleep 90 minutes later/now do I get up with the alarm and work out or sleep longer so I am functional through the day (and maybe get better a bit more quickly hahahahaha)? question over and over again. So. Bored. With. It.  I lost so much base over the summer and now every time I start to get on a roll something gets in the way and I just don't seem to have that killer-instinct, ok it's 5.30am/8.30pm and This Is The Time I Have for this workout so I'm Bloody Doing It steel determination in the required spadesful at present. These things happen. It's a phase. Yet still the whole mess messes with my head and makes me frantic and scared and sad.
But I digress.
So there I was, sitting in my car outside the dr on Monday afternoon with ligament damage of unknown severity. I must tell you, my five faithful readers: it felt like the Goofy news all over again, which is stupid stupid STUPID becuase I'll be missing a cheap half-marathon 2 hours from my house, not the massively expensive race of a lifetime on the other side of the world. I was frozen, I felt sick, I wanted to cry. Not. Again. That feeling didn't abate at all until I saw the physio on Wednesday morning and I confess I hid from it through irritability and under a pile of chips, chocolate and chardonnay. I just couldn't stand how bad I felt.
I know. LAME.
The physio had a bit of a prod around and uttered the most wonderful words I ever heard: the reconstruction has held. He's a bit of a buzz-harsher and would choke before anything remotely encouraging fell out of his mouth so the rest of the session was all about how I'd mismanaged things after the Prawn Fall (10 days 'rest' wasn't enough, apparently; I should have intuitively divined that it wasn't merely bruised) but his final verdict was 2-3 weeks off and add balance and calf strengthening to my core and stretching routine. Swimming and cycling ok, also deep water running hahahaha not. going. to. happen.  He also (somewhat confusingly) said that I can probably still run the half marathon at the Gold Coast - if I don't overdo things.....???....so that's good. I think.
But I still feel really sad and lost and hopeless. That hasn't gone away. I wish it would.
The only thing I know is that I don't have a choice. I have to keep doing what I can when I can with what I have. Little things. I have to keep giving up and whingeing to the Spousal Unit and throwing myself on the couch in despair and then getting up again and getting on with it. It's worked before and it will work again. It's just that this bit of it really sucks.
Good thing I am so bloody fabulous and brave and amazing, isn't it?

In other news, Noddie and I are off to the Big Smoke on the train on the weekend for our looooong-awaited Culture-and-Shopping Extravanganza. We'll be staying at a hotel in the city (and eating breakfast in the hotel restaurant! Oooh!), catching the ferry to Scienceworks to see the Wallace and Gromit exhibition and taking in the wonders of Ancient Mesopotamia at the Museum. We also plan to go nuts at as many shops as we can manage and eat good asian and greek food. To quote my 8yo companion-in-adventure: It. Will. Be. Awesome. I think I'll wear my leopard print trench coat.
More anon, fashion criminals!

Monday, May 21, 2012

Proud

Oh, how proud you will be of me, my five faithful readers! Since last I bleated wrote, I have crash-tackled some major bleaty stuff, to whit oh I'm so lonely I love it here but poor me I have no friends waah and oh I am so unfit how depressing everything always goes wrong poor poor me waah
- I asked some women I know over for a girly dinner party! Everyone brought something and we all played one of those question meme games, you know, who plays you in the movie of your life, who's the most famous person you've ever met etc (J won by miles - strip poker at Mt Hotham with Robert DeCastella, I don't care if it was 35 years ago!). The Spousal Unit kept Noddie and her little friend corralled at the other end of the house and we all just laughed and talked and laughed until home time.
And then!!! On Mother's day!!!
I Did A Race!
You see, these days J always works on Mother's Day, only this year (to my immense are you sure? are you really sure? Can I see that roster? surprise) he didn't! Once the obligatory brekkie in bed had been (gratefully) scoffed (and the lost ipod/hat/socks every other bloody thing had been located) I was off into the rain and freezing wind to represent Team Stupidly Determined in the 10km. I have a new Team SD sleeveless top that I made out of a long-sleeved top that didn't ever fit properly, me being so blessed with busty substances, and I hummed and hawed about wearing it a) becuase it was FREEZING and my other top was both extremely fetching and had long sleeves and b) becuase, well, I was feeling a bit funny about how last I was going to be. At the last minute, however, the true LBTEPA spirit shone through! and I toed the line with STUPIDLY DETERMINED on my back. Within minutes I was at the back of the field (where 'at the back of' = completely out of sight of), being passed by small children and nannas on walking frames doing the 5km. But I didn't care. It was just so nice to be out there on the river bank working up a sweat. I felt happy and I stayed feeling happy all the way, even when the rain stung me and when we had to scamper through muddy puddles and when my #$*&ing orhtotics had another go at removing the soles of my feet. Bastards. I had a few lovely chats with the bike marshall as he cruised to and fro - he did his first Ironman in Melbourne in March so was happy to yack about that and I of course can faff on about running until the cows come home.
The worst bits about the race? All the sympathy. Keep going, you can do it! (Thank goodness you said that, I was planning to stop) You're doing well! (So glad you think so). Also the outright derision from one of the marshalls. Tool. People: slow does not mean underdone or unfit. Slow does not mean struggling. Slow just means slow.
The best bits? Wearing my shirt - so many people laughed and commented on it! Being out running, along the river, in the wild and wooly weather. Cliche alert: I felt so alive! The absolute best thing of all was how strong I felt. I love to feel strong, love it love it love it - it is the absolute best feeling in the whole world and I didn't realise how much I'd missed it. I knew I could run 10k. How cool is that? I could keep running and not slow down and steam into the finish and embarass Noddie with the triumphant arm-raise thing and collect my ninth consecutive mother's day medal. I think I might run next year and then retire! It. Was. Just. Wonderful.

I've stopped wearing the bastard foot-trashing orthoticis and have replaced them with some off-the-shelf ones that feel ok. In worrying news, every time I've run in the last week my left foot - the one I hurt when I tripped over a few weeks ago - has ached and ached and felt really weak and strange. Back to the quack again today. Onto the #$*&ing injury merry-go-round again, I fear. Meh. Oh well. I'll keep you posted More anon, streakers!

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

oooh! oooh!

Race report coming soon! Yes, I, LBTEPA the Mightily Unfit, actually pulled on the Team SD shirt and raced! A 10k! In the rain! Last by miles (of course) but no pain! Yay!

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Scary

it is so easy to not exercise

Wednesday, May 09, 2012

*HEADDESK* #2


MY ORTHOTICS STILL AREN'T HERE!!!! ARRGGHHHH!


Monday, May 07, 2012

*HEADDESK*

So I got all bored with massive blood blisters after every long run and took my orthotics in to be adjusted, as you do. The podiatrist took them on Wednesday, was going to fix them on Thursday or Friday and pop them in the post (his main office is 150km away, and he's going on holiday next week) so I would have them today. Not ideal since my foot still needs to be mollycoddled and the best way to get it all sting-y and painful is run without orthotics (I have evidence that this is not just pessimistic thinking, alas - I had to borrow back my favourite ice-pack from Noddie on Friday) and I HAVE A HALF MARATHON IN 3 WEEKS did I mention that?????
They weren't here today so I rang up to check whether he might have sent them to his office for me to pick up. HE'S JUST DONE THEM. TODAY. HE WILL POST THEM TOMORROW.
*headdesk*
One of the perks of living in a picturesque bucolic wonderland such as that in which I reside is that THE POST TAKES AN EXTRA DAY. So I won't have them until Wednesday at the earliest and I've already had five days off running and I HAVE A HALF MARATHON IN 3 WEEKS did I mention that????
 Yes yes yes I've been stretching and walking and doing my core workout and a bit of cycling but really - hang with me on this, I'll explain it very slowly and carefully - the best preparation for a running event, especially when you've not laced on a Saucony in anger since October, is RUNNING. True.
Now I am happy to take responsibility for any and all behavioural impediments to my becoming super-zoomy. I eat too much. I drink too much. I get all disheartened and don't work out enough. But I've rehabbed this foot like it was my job and been careful and patient and cautiously optimistic and aimed high-enough-but-not-too-high and I was just getting on a really good roll and building up some reliable strength and endurance and I WAS REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS RACE AND NOW IT'S GOING TO BE A TRAIN CRASH unless I come to my senses and drop out but then I won't have a hit-out before Gold Coast and I was really looking forward to it it's not fair

*pouting*

Le sigh.......

Look! Shoes!


- not mine, but very fab, don't you think? Who can be downhearted when such shoes exist?
More anon, toe-tappers!

Thursday, May 03, 2012

Just like the big kids

The nice chap at the bike shop gave me an Endura Cool Mint Gel to try so I thought I'd be like all the big kids and do a product review. Here it is: this gel sounded as though it would taste like toothpaste, and did taste like toothpaste. I'll stick with the raspberry and vanilla. They are Yummy.

I confess I haven't tasted the coffee one; I am extrapolating from the fact that I don't like anything else coffee-flavoured

In other news, Noddie has a new bike and has started riding to school! It's about 1km along a straight road so no big dramas but I am still SO proud, and so happy to see her beaming as she flies down the hill.
She also has her first sports injury BOOOOOO! - a hairline crack in her heel, which is not uncommon and will resolve itself in time but it's been quite painful, poor lambie. She was so brave at the podiatrist's. I have lent her my favourite ice pack.
Please don't feel you have to read this next bit as it's quite dull.

Activity here at the LBTEPA Institute for Behavioural Modification continues apace. Project thisissoboringOKAYI'llwritedownallmyfood has interacted with my laziness in an interesting way: I'll often refrain from cupboard-grazing when I can't be bothered looking for the notebook o'boringness (aka my food diary)! As so often happens, my friend the Mighty Emma has lit the way to another breakthrough. She has recently modified her diet to include porridge for breakfast and salad for lunch. I don't especially care for porridge, or rather, since it is the LBTEPA way to be accurate, washing the porridge pot, so I have substituted muesli as a fast-breaker, and fang down on rabbit food at noon. Rather startlingly, after only four days the button on my work pants is noticeably happier.
Have you fallen asleep yet? Sorry.
I must tell you about the Most Awesome Run I had the other day. It wasn't one of the effortless floating ones or the wow that was fast ones or the I could go all day ones. It was after work eww and warmer than I like and I was stiff from my long run on Sunday (14km, how the mighty have fallen, eh?) and my foot was hurting and I couldn't get my shoe tied properly or my orthotic to sit right. But I kept going. I retied my shoe and fixed my orthotic and stretched my calves. I focussed on my form and reminded myself I only had to run for two songs (BTW ahem did you just read that? Two whole songs! Squee!! And happy dance!!) As I trotted on, things settled down. I felt more comfortable, and strong. I didn't ever feel good as such, but I felt ok and as though I could keep going as long as I had to. No dramas, no desperation. Enough in the tank, physically and mentally. I felt strong! I didn't realise how much I had missed feeling strong. I think about it now and I smile.
More anon, exemplars!