I keep telling people that I'm so sad and I nearly always feel sad
and I've felt sad for ages and ages and it doesn't really go away. I don't want to go to Queensland because at least when I'm busy at
home I can avoid walking (avoiding walking is how you fix a chip
fracture). In Queensland all I want to do is walk and I won't be able
to, or else I will JFDI so we can have some fun at the water slides and the theme parks but
all the time I'll feel my ankle hurting and be worried that I'm making
it worse. I feel completely lost and overwhelmed with study and my
placements and housework and fitness and all that stuff. I
keep chipping away at it, not-enough tiny bit by not-enough tiny bit and
then sometimes I feel a little bit better, enough at least to not let
my sadness infect everyone around me. People keep saying to me there will be other races, you'll be stronger next year becuase
of this, you'll lose the weight you've gained, you'll have such a good
time on your holiday and you'll come back so relaxed...They're not listening. They're telling me that I don't, that I shouldn't feel the way I do. They think it's trivial. I've tried to tell some (appropriate) people how I feel but they haven't listened and I've wished I hadn't said anything. The Spousal Unit is the only one who hears me and he doesn't know what to say. There's nothing to say. Just hang in there. This will pass.
I'm feeling a little bit better today. Not so shaky and I don't want to cry all the time. I've caught up with all my placement logs and actually written some of the Thesis that Ate My Brain. The Mighty Mary Sunshine posted a link to some awesome shirts, which I will not be buying (the postage to Australia is a bit steep) but which are helping.Weights help. Cardio helps
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
I wrote this yesterday but I feel a little bit better now
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5 much-appreciated comments:
When I first got diagnosed with high bp, I was a determined little kitten. I was going to beat the odds and withdraw from the medications. And I couldn't. Withdrawal attemps (under medical care) did not go well. And I had to resign myself to being limited by my body. It sucked. I was very sad and angry at myself. I felt my body had betrayed me.
You feel whatever you need to feel. If you are said, you have lost a trusted friend, (exercise), and you are having to adjust. It sucks.
(This is, of course, two days before the cardiologist tells me if I can run GCM. I might be sitting next to you, demanding chardy, on Friday.)
Emma
Big hugs Alison. I very much hear you on the not listening point. At the moment, I'm learning to sit with some sadness which is of the doesn't go away + not listening variety. Seems like sitting with it is all that can be done for now. Realising that for others, it's hard to hear unless they can relate on a similar level, by having experienced a sadness of their own. Feeling is feeling, and it's your experience. I think it's good that you wrote about it and voiced it out.
Krissie
I would like to suggest that you see if you can find any supplements with calcium fructoborate. I wrote about this maybe a month ago, and now that I've been taking it for a while, I actually think it is helping me in many ways including reducing bouts of spontaneous tears. Do a google search. The boron may help both your bone healing and your sadness (due to increasing Vit D absorption and there are studies linking lower D with sadness).
hang in there
I hate this BS that you are never allowed to express an unhappy emotion without everyone trying to instantly cheer you up. You definitely have the right to feel your pain and outrage. The is plenty of time for pluckiness later.
I don't like the No Days Off shirt because I believe in days off. Olympic athletes take days off so mere mortals probably should too. I'm taking one today, in fact.
NOT TRIVIAL. Al, you are allowed to be sad, it is a serious head #$%@ when you get injured during your fabulous comeback and can't do the events you want. I am sad for you, hopefully after today it wont be as bad. You can take a day off, you can train every day - whatever works and whatever keeps you moving forward. ((((hugs)))))
Sara
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