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Friday, May 25, 2012

Little by little

So I went to the dr and asked him why my ankle was so sore so long after the Great Prawn Disaster and he said he thought it was ligament damage and that I should see the physio to start sussing out the extent of the damage and that if it was a worst-case scenario I should ring up to get a referral for a CT scan and/or MRI.
Oh, I said.
So how can I make this worse?
Keep running on it, he said. R.E.S.T. is step one.
Can we just take a moment here to acknowledge that I am OVER RESTING? I am rested Up To Pussy's Bow, what with horrendous blisters and irritated sinuses and coughs and gastro bugs and all the other stuff I am so bored with and feel so pathetic about that I don't even blog about it any more to avert the risk of anyone falling off his or her chair with the tedium. I grapple with the wake up at 3.30am with painful sinuses/finally get back to sleep 90 minutes later/now do I get up with the alarm and work out or sleep longer so I am functional through the day (and maybe get better a bit more quickly hahahahaha)? question over and over again. So. Bored. With. It.  I lost so much base over the summer and now every time I start to get on a roll something gets in the way and I just don't seem to have that killer-instinct, ok it's 5.30am/8.30pm and This Is The Time I Have for this workout so I'm Bloody Doing It steel determination in the required spadesful at present. These things happen. It's a phase. Yet still the whole mess messes with my head and makes me frantic and scared and sad.
But I digress.
So there I was, sitting in my car outside the dr on Monday afternoon with ligament damage of unknown severity. I must tell you, my five faithful readers: it felt like the Goofy news all over again, which is stupid stupid STUPID becuase I'll be missing a cheap half-marathon 2 hours from my house, not the massively expensive race of a lifetime on the other side of the world. I was frozen, I felt sick, I wanted to cry. Not. Again. That feeling didn't abate at all until I saw the physio on Wednesday morning and I confess I hid from it through irritability and under a pile of chips, chocolate and chardonnay. I just couldn't stand how bad I felt.
I know. LAME.
The physio had a bit of a prod around and uttered the most wonderful words I ever heard: the reconstruction has held. He's a bit of a buzz-harsher and would choke before anything remotely encouraging fell out of his mouth so the rest of the session was all about how I'd mismanaged things after the Prawn Fall (10 days 'rest' wasn't enough, apparently; I should have intuitively divined that it wasn't merely bruised) but his final verdict was 2-3 weeks off and add balance and calf strengthening to my core and stretching routine. Swimming and cycling ok, also deep water running hahahaha not. going. to. happen.  He also (somewhat confusingly) said that I can probably still run the half marathon at the Gold Coast - if I don't overdo things.....???....so that's good. I think.
But I still feel really sad and lost and hopeless. That hasn't gone away. I wish it would.
The only thing I know is that I don't have a choice. I have to keep doing what I can when I can with what I have. Little things. I have to keep giving up and whingeing to the Spousal Unit and throwing myself on the couch in despair and then getting up again and getting on with it. It's worked before and it will work again. It's just that this bit of it really sucks.
Good thing I am so bloody fabulous and brave and amazing, isn't it?

In other news, Noddie and I are off to the Big Smoke on the train on the weekend for our looooong-awaited Culture-and-Shopping Extravanganza. We'll be staying at a hotel in the city (and eating breakfast in the hotel restaurant! Oooh!), catching the ferry to Scienceworks to see the Wallace and Gromit exhibition and taking in the wonders of Ancient Mesopotamia at the Museum. We also plan to go nuts at as many shops as we can manage and eat good asian and greek food. To quote my 8yo companion-in-adventure: It. Will. Be. Awesome. I think I'll wear my leopard print trench coat.
More anon, fashion criminals!

5 much-appreciated comments:

Anonymous said...

Will you still be around Monday (am madly studying all weekend)? Hope you enjoy that deep water running as much as I do...snicker snicker. I am off to the gym for a cycle then a swim- hope you enjoy your cross training too! Sara

Lisa said...

It's very frustrating when your body doesn't cooperate with your plans. This I know well. I suggest some retail therapy. :-)

Anonymous said...

Your pearls of wisdom and wit lift the spirits of this middle aged wannabee I have been a lurker on and off for some time and thought it time to come out of the cupboard. Love your work!

Anonymous said...

And why was I not invited to the girly dinner, Hmm???
I am going to get my butt pain looked at.
Cilla :)

Anonymous said...

You rock. You're injured at the moment, but they don't take away marathon medals for that (No marathoner would have a medal for long!). You'll be back running soon.

EMma