Saturday, April 30, 2011

Because this year I am an athlete, not a hero

You'll be so proud:
Most of the day - sore face, a bit wheezy, slightly raspy throat. It's a smoky day, it's nothing
8pm - get everything ready for the morning's long run
10pm - tell Spousal Unit I don't feel well. I'm sure I feel better in the morning
10.15 pm - bed
1am, 2am, 3am, 4.15 am - wake up and check the clock. I still feel a bit crook, oh well when I get up I'll feel better
5.15 am - get up, get dressed drink tea, eat bread and vegemite etc etc. Think about ventolin and panadol for my poor sore head and tight chest
5.55 am - hit the road
6.05 am - think about ventolin and panadol
6.10 am - go home, go back to bed. There will be other runs.

*accepts rapturous applause*

More anon, big-picture thinkers!

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

True confessions

Eight-and-a-tiny-bit months from now I am going to
- fly for 15 hours with an 8 year old
- spend 3 days in Honolulu
- fly for fourteen more hours(two flights)to Florida
- get my race packet at a massive expo I've seen photos, it's scary
- walk around a theme park all afternoon
- do a half marathon
- walk around a theme park all afternoon
- do a marathon
- walk around a theme park all the next day
- spend three more weeks touristing and having a splendid time
The eating and drinking habits currently being practiced at Camp LBTEPA do not support these plans. Your heroine would like to point out that she does not consider her weight per se to be the issue. Instead, LBTEPA wishes she could in all honesty describe herself as a poster girl for strong and fit and fabulous, but alas, cannot. She would have to put her hand up in answer to "who feels bloated and tired and heavy?" Although it may sound cool to live by the motto if you can't be a good example be a dire warning, quite frankly this sh*! is getting old woot woot woot Lent is over!!!!!
It's time to smarten up.
Yeah yeah yeah, you say, politely concealing either a yawn or a contemptuous smile, we've heard this before, Mrs All Talk No Action. What's so different about this time?
To be quite truthful: I don't really know.
I'm still going to have the same life, family, job, studies and marathons to manage. I'll still be me, mood swings and what's the point I give up pour me some bubbles and all. But what other options are there? Give up? Not an option! Seeking a healthy, sustainable way to live is the LBTEPA Way, and that's all there is to it. Long Happy Life R Us.
Noddie and I were watching a dvd of the 2007 Ironman World Championships onya Macca! while I did my bike workout I know, that poor child. She said she wants us to do an IM together when she's old enough. I'll be 55 when she's 18. So there's that. Then there's OMG not very long at all oh dear oh dear until Gold Coast, Melbourne, Goofy...... I hope there'll always be another Big Thing on the horizon, and there's no reason why not....if I take care of myself.
Just between you, me and the other four faithful readers, there is one big difference this time. My secret weapon = accountability. Don't worry, I won't be spilling my guts on the interweb and begging your forgiveness! (Ewww. And Not Your Job). A kind friend of mine from the non-virtual world has agreed, God bless her, that if I stuff up on my (not very difficult) weekly goals, I must text her and confess. No BS. No excuses.
I can feel a new phase coming on............

more anon, rainbow seekers!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Things pass

The longer I do Very Slow Marathons and other Glacially Slow Endurance Sports, the more I learn that the the title of this post is true. There's a thread on a running forum that I grace with my presence from time to time, along the lines of "how do you maintain a positive mindset during your long runs?" Keen Helpful Types have provided advice such as run with friends ,vary your route, never run with music becuase it stops you Communing With Nature, run with music, ogle local hotties, remind yourself that every step is making you fitter and stronger and getting you closer to your goals etc etc etc. God Bless their enthusiasm and their little wicking socks.
My answer? I DON'T.
Expecting your old mate LBTEPA to be in a positive frame of mind for the entirety of her long runs is about as realistic as imagining her willingly buying a white car with automatic transmission or leaving the house without lipstick. Not. Gunna. Happen. Recipe for disappointment. Just as a side topic, I find 'low expectations' to be a very helpful strategy in many situations. One is often pleasantly surprised.
Which leads me neatly to Saturday's long run. I don't know whether it was becuase I was coming down with something although you'd think I'd be used to THAT by now LE SIGH or whether I'd actually managed to string together a reasonable week of training prior to the run, but I was a bit leg-weary quite a bit earlier than usual. Like 5kms in. Bugger, I thought to myself, this is gunna be a toughie. And I was right (cue sinister music dun dun dun daahhhhhh).
As devotees of the LBTEPA Diaries will recall, I am lucky enough to run along the rail trail and be uplifted as I sweat by the beauty of the early morning sky, cows, trees, the music of the birds and frogs etc etc. That stuff doesn't always work, you know. If you're really stuck in a head full of I'm so slow, why do I bother, I'm a joke, I'm so fat, what a loser, I hate this, I'm so slow, why do I bother sometimes all the charming cows and delightful frogs in the world can't get you out.
No! you gasp, as well you might. However did our heroine make it through?
She sucked it up, that's how. After trying coaxing (come on, cheer up, you can do this), bullying (FFS* you big la-la stop being such a baby) and reframing (which only works when you know what? this isn't so bad isn't A Lie) - I came to the conclusion that this was just how it was going to be today. Oh well. A cranky noggin and tired legs does not equal stop and go home. Elementary, my dear Watson. Just Keep Going is a case of mind over matter - I hated every step, wanted to stop oh so badly and wished with all my heart that I had a less stupid hobby, but I didn't really mind so it didn't matter. I just kept going and going and going, drinking my water and having my gels and eventually I realised that I was feeling a bit less terrible. Mind you I was very happy when I rang my Mum and she agreed to run the last 6km with me, preventing me from lying down on the path refusing to move or ringing the Spousal Unit for a Lift Home Of Extreme Lameness. If she hadn't got a sniff of the barn and taken off 1km from home, thereby obliging me to chase her, I mean she's 72 for heaven's sake I have some pride we might still be friends.
Lessons from Saturday's 24km:
24km is a long way but slow people get there the same way fast people do - one step at a time.
Realising that you've done this before and didn't die is helpful.
Things pass if you let them.
Even if they don't, you can still Just Keep Going.
Mums are grouse even when they make you run (ahem) 'fast'.
Ice baths cannot be accurately described by persons who have foresworn swearing for Lent*.
More anon, scholars!
*thought-swearwords don't count

Monday, April 18, 2011


- whatever it is you're struggling with, someone you know will be doing it far better than you and really easily and banging on about it on effbee and/or their blog, which will also be much nicer, cooler and have lots more comments than yours.
- do not take this personally.

So what's happening with all of you these days? I'd love to be thrilled by the awesomeness of your lives!

More anon

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Later that day

The wonderfully conscientious people who work at the sinus surgeon's office rang back 4 times I left my phone in the car ok? to tell me that since my surgeon is on holidays they spoke to another surgeon aren't they The Best? who said that prolonged aerobic exercise was ok as long as my nose doesn't get any worse, or (I quote) "uncomfortable".
I see just one problem with that...... you'll have to click on it to see it properly, but it's pretty funny

I put 24 km in the marathon bank this morning, about which - since I must keep writing and writing and writing and writing and writing -
more anon, teeth gritters!

Friday, April 15, 2011

Oh c... I mean b.... I mean oh dear

Giving up swearing for Lent is still a challenge. Bring on Easter Sunday, I say - I'll be hopping around the front yard with my bunny ears on dropping the F-bomb like it was chocolate eggs.
When I haven't been working/mumming/spousing/training I've been writing and writing and writing and writing to try and keep up with what I thought was the timetable for my uni assignments...until I actually checked it today and found that The Big One (5000 words, 100% of the unit) is actually due three weeks before I thought it was. I feel sick. HTFU time Has Arrived.
Training for VSM #4 is going well thanks for asking, although the Bastard Sinuses remain a presence. Someone asked me how the antibiotics had worked and I said, oh, really well, it's all good except my nose is still bleeding a bit and my face is pretty painful....
...there was a pause as she looked at me as though I'd said my nose is fine, EXCEPT IT'S ON FIRE. Which in effect I had. *slaps self on head*
Reality has sunk in, gentle readers. I'm waiting to hear back from the surgeon's office about the advisability or otherwise of frequent prolonged aerobic exercise (see Marathon Training, above).
Le sigh....
Breathing in, breathing out, writing writing writing writing panicking writing writing......
More anon

Monday, April 11, 2011

Let the panicking begin

Thursday, April 07, 2011


Yesterday the Spousal Unit had an early shift = no morning workout for LBTEPA. These things happen
Sad things happened to three people I know.(ditto)
One made me really ANGRY as well, because I feel so helpless about the whole stupid mess mind you it didn't happen to me and it's really none of my business
So being the impressively balanced person and dedicated athlete that everyone so admires, *coughbullshitcough* I had a good cry and then dived into a big pile of pizza and chardy = no evening workout for LBTEPA if you can't be a good example be a dire warning I suppose
I set the alarm but forgot to click the button good thing I think the subconscious is a load of cr@p eh?
I had a really nasty nightmare altogether now boohoohoo poor baby
and woke up at the veerrryyy end of the available-time-to-run window, just a teeeensy bit dehydrated *coughbullshitcough*
and in the most savage of moods. In these circumstances, as a rule, more sleep = good
the Spousal Unit was on a late shift = no evening workout for LBTEPA = whine all you want but get your lardy arse the expletive out of bed (I'm hanging in there with the 'giving up swearing for Lent' thing, as you can see) and on the road.
For my pains (and don't think there weren't any, cause there bloody were), I got the most beautiful sunrise you ever saw.
I don't think it meant anything but it was nice.
86 days until VSM#4, and 274 days until The Stupidest Idea EverTM

More anon,cross-dressers*
*coz by crikey I was cross this morning when I got dressed. These things happen

Sunday, April 03, 2011


Let me start with an enthusiastic round of applause to my friend the amazing Secret Sara who completed Trailwalker yesterday! Well done you legend!
The Bastard Sinuses are really putting up a fight this time Ha! I, and my antibiotics, laugh with scorn at them! Haha! so I'm running at about 75% energy at the 'mo. These things happen. No dramas apart from daylight savings ending sob - and by the way, summer 2010-11, that was a poor effort! Booo! and Noddie still getting up at the same time. Le sigh. I still put 22km in the marathon bank, and finished another piece of uni work from the now-ever-so-slightly-less-daunting mountain.
I ran along the rail trail yesterday. It's so pretty there, and level, and there are no cars excuse me LBTEPA, Captain Obvious would like his cape back which makes it much easier to switch off and kind of float on top of the physical effort. I was talking to some blokes at a work thing during the week who could not comprehend how moving doggedly along for 3+ hours could be something I look forward to. I could only give them the same answer I gave Noddie when she asked me did you enjoy your run Mummy? I replied it was satisfying on many levels. Poor kid.
I don't run for fun. Running for a long time is not fun. I run because I like it. I like being strong and (relatively) healthy and doing hard stuff that takes a long time to prepare for. I like showing off and feeling a bit smug and surprising people when they ask me what I do in my spare time, and I'm prepared to work bloody hard for that! I like having something in my life that's just there becuase I want to do it. No other reason. It's mine.
And there's the bling too of course.

....did I mention the bling? Oh. I did. Sorry.
Someone else asked me why I do marathons rather than, say 10k races. I told her, I do a 10km, I'm pretty much always going to be at the back of the pack. I run a marathon, I'm still at the back (of the back of the back) of the pack but I've done a marathon. I can't explain it better than that.
Or maybe with this

More anon, lunatics!