Friday, January 28, 2011

Eagle Point race report

Race report: Eagle Point Triathlon
600/20/5: 1:42:56
Stone motherless last by 16 minutes
Rating: Very Pleased

You will recall that I showed up to this race for one reason: becuase I was convinced I was Too Fat to go out and sweat in public with a whole lot of skinnyfasts. Well, we here at LBTEPA Operational HQ might be assailed by these thoughts from time to time (damn you PMS and Christmas kgs) but rest assured, my five faithful readers, we NEVER let them win. I felt like throwing up as I filled in my entry form at the kitchen table, but I put my bike on the rack, set off, signed up and set up. It was a gorgeous morning with not a ripple on the lake. I am so lucky to live in such a beautiful place.Another older slightly lardy lady set up her hybrid bike next to mine on the main race rack. Bwahahaha thought evil shallow LBTEPA, I'm SURE I can beat HER.
She had set up on the wrong rack and did the mini tri. *pout*
The main race started an hour after the mini tri. I spent the time cheering the backmarkers and breathing very carefully...calm in...fear out... don't get that the wrong way around! Finally it was time to go. I'd already decided that I would enjoy the swim and hate the rest - hey, don't knock it, it works for me!. The water was warm and there was no wind so it was glorious, apart from PEOPLE WHO CAN'T SIGHT FFS LEARN TO SWIM IN A STRAIGHT LINE MATE OR GET OUT OF THE F&*^ING WAY. And cut your bloody toenails! (Hang on, remark my five faithful (and observant) readers I thought you were planning to enjoy the swim?)
*hangs head in shame*
The bike leg was... well, the undertrained, significantly heavier than last time bike leg. I swore a lot. I kept going. I must tell you about this bit though. At one point on the course we turned on to a fairly main road. The marshall there was super-conscientious and very nice too. He must have thought I'd dropped out or something, as I
rounded the last corner and he was about to drive off. Oh well, I thought, fair enough. But not he! No! He screeched his dark blue SUV with the tinted windows this is relevant, I promise to a dust-clouded halt, leapt out, grapped his "slow" sign and tore out onto the road. After I passed him he got back into his SUV...
and trailed along behind me at an absolute crawl, picking up the race safety signs as he went. It was too funny, slow old me wearily pushing on, with my big shiny security escort behind! It got even better - the marshalls at the next corner also had a dark SUV, and they fell in behind the first marshall collecting their signs as I pedalled and puffed slowly along. I had a convoy!
My goal for the run was to Not Walk the first loop. It was 28 degrees and about 10000% humidity. The LBTEPA Survival Taskforce quickly recalculated and came up with a new goal: don't throw up, cry or DNF. Too easy! Not. I did run a lot more than I walked. I knew I was last by miles - my old mantra they took my entry money, they can WAIT got another outing today - so as I steamed up the chute I did the whole arm-waving grandstanding thing and got a big cheer from the skinnyfasts. Maybe they thought I'd died.
But look! Look at this!
600m swim 0:08:23 - I knew I was having a good day!
20km bike 1:04:33 =18.59kph. This is good for me! Especially with three - count them, three, oh, life is so harsh -trips up a MFFB* pinch hill that had all the skinnyfasts out of their saddles, what hope did I have?
5km run 0:30:00=6:00min/km. If those numbers are even close to accurate that is an absolute BLINDER for me! Especially as I was Not In The Mood.
And look at this!
2nd 40-49F: LBTEPA!
Lessons for the day: courage is its own reward and showing up is half the battle - but bling is good too! And sometimes you're doing better than you think you are.
More anon, pressers-on!
*A very rude aggregation of very rude words that I used MANY TIMES (in my head, I've been well brought up) on the ride

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Australians all...

...let us rejoice!
Happy Australia Day!

More anon, pav eaters!
BTW Sunday's race report is on its way, stay tuned...

Sunday, January 23, 2011


Picture this: LBTEPA, knee-deep in the murk of self-dislike (every extra kg is solely due to slackness, laziness, personal weakness and plain old lack of character (unhelpful core belief: I must be perfect in order to have any worth as a person)), body-image issues (ditto, plus I don't belong here, I'm too fat, they're all laughing at me) and plain old butit'srainingandcoldIdontwannnnaaa! (to be fair, it is raining and not terribly warm)........
sipping on a nice hot cup of HTFU
then going out to DO.THIS. #$%&ing. TRIATHLON.
More anon, waders!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Rolling on

Last night I left the Spousal Unit and Noddie at the camping ground in Mallacoota seriously what is this camping thing about? ignoring millenia of human progress in construction and engineering to sleep on the ground under fabric?? and drove the 256km home becuase I am working today.....
and then I called in at my friend's house because it was her son's birthday, and there was some wine oh I know, I know.... and no food becuase I arrived so late...
and then when I got home there wasn't anything except a frozen chicken pie in the freezer, and the tennis was really exciting and the recliner was really reeeaallly comfortable maybe that's why people go camping, so they appreciate their furniture more? so I stayed up a bit later....
and then I woke up at STFU you stupid birds o'clock, and I thought #$%* it, why don't I just roll over and go back to sleep...
and then I thought
So I rolled out of bed, into my gear, on to my trusty steed Minerva and down the driveway. I can't say it was one of my fastest or most enthusiastic bike rides, but is there such a thing as a bad bike ride? Never pass up an opportunity to zoom down a hill yelling 'wheeeee!', that's my motto.
Back up the coast tonight - we're going kayaking tomorrow!
More anon, camp followers!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

So on.

2011. The Year of Getting On With It. Yes yes yes, my five faithful readers, it is So. On.
I have decided that this year I am no longer the person who buys stuff on ebay becuase she's stressed about an essay or worried about her Spousal Unit or Noddie. I am no longer the person who shares a bottle of wine with her Spousal Unit at the end of a rough day out of habit. I am no longer the person who cracks it when she (ahem) "can't fit in" a workout because she hasn't read the Spousal Unit's roster.
Now The Plan is This - 2011 Edition
- not buy ANY shoes or clothes until at least November. Exclusions: undies and running shoes. When you need them, you need them.
- maintain reasonable drinking habits including at least 4 alcohol-free days a week. Yeah yeah yeah, LBTEPA, you say, I've heard that before....and so you have. What can I say? It's time for another crack at it.
- plan my exercise schedule around my available time.
- put a notice on my pantry that says mindful? to remind myself that if I can't or don't want to notice myself eating something..... then I shouldn't be eating it.

In other news
- we're going camping this weekend. Eeeek. It's been nice knowing you.
- I'm having a grouse time organising our agency's teams for the local corporate triathlon in February. Here are the team lists
R*** “Chrissie” T.
E*** Javi M.
C*** “Moffy” L.
S*** “Macca” H.
J*** “Crowie”O.
I think we'll do well.
It's been horribly hot and humid here this week, but we're not on fire or under water, for which blessings I could not be more grateful.
More anon, optimists!

Monday, January 10, 2011

Waddya reckon?

Well! *fans self*
That was a weekend, sportsfans. I understand that if you click this link you can see the heavily doctored evidence that yes indeed, my dear friend A and I painted Melbourne an ironically retro shade of red. We walked, we talked, we cruised places from our distant student past, we bought ironically retro stuff from cool markets, we ate, we drank coffee, we rode on trams and we walked some more. Whenever we got a bit tired (which was fairly often I must say) we drank champagne in grand old pubs and uber-cool little bars and just soaked up the inner city ambience.
And now I'm home again. It. Was. Fab. I am recharged and refreshed, and it's time to get properly stuck into 2011.
So far Project Just Bloody Get Up Will You is batting 100 mind you I don't set the alarm every morning, as is my secret plan whoops what a giveaway to do some sort of exercise every single day. This is pleasing.
Another thought which has been tickling the innards of the 'ol LBTEPA noggin is the notion of eschewing retail therapy as a stress management tool until at least November. Ebay might well crash, but that's not my problem. I do have plenty of clothes, AND SHOES. I could maintain appropriate standards of decorum and fabulousness for quite some time without further wardrobe supplementation, or, I tremble as I write this, any new shoes. I would exclude running shoes, undies and the Melbourne Marathon race singlet from this veto of course. Waddya reckon?
More anon, cupboard spelunkers!

Wednesday, January 05, 2011

Just one

As my five faithful readers know, LBTEPA loves her some plan. I do. One of these days I'll even post my latest chart, all full of ticks (and crosses *sad face*) as I find the building blocks of a good life and put them into a fun order.
I've got lots of plans for 2011, but only one New Year's resolution:
The definition of insanity, as you, my five faithful readers, fountains of all wisdom, know, is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. At the end of last year I knew I had to CHANGE SOMETHING. But what?
My friend at work told me her resolutions this morning - exercise 45 minutes every day, only eat healthy food (she even refused a dark chocolate seashell this morning), and be happy.
Cynic that I am no! you cry, it was all I could do not to roll my eyes and invite her to make an appointment for a couple of weeks' time. Then again, she might do it! I hope she does!
I couldn't. It's too much. I can only get my head around small things at the moment. But my one little thing underlies many other changes that I want. I want to fit exercise into my routine. I want to feel disciplined. I want an incentive to go to bed earlier. See? My one little thing makes so many other things possible. Clever! Win-win-win! And (almost) failure-proof, too
What's your one thing? What's the smallest, most basic element of your change?
More anon, treasures!

Saturday, January 01, 2011


To start with, may I say a huge THANKYOU for all the kindness and helpful advice in response to my last post. You guys are THE BEST *mwah!*

As you know, here in HTFU City on the continent of LBTEPA on Planet Cranky, we are not given to, nor very good at, manifesting, nor reflecting either if it comes to that. Which is why it may seem odd that we have come up with three words which we hope will sum up the coming year. Why on earth would a confirmed lip-purser and hmph-er at airy-fairy new-age BS (to use the technical term) indulge in such behaviour? Am I drunk? Not at the moment, and if I was I can assure you that I would be even less inclined to such goings-on.
However, I have, as I said, felt lost. I need a map. I need charts, lovely charts full of stuff to tick off. But what stuff? What do I want to do, and more importantly, why? I think I need a big picture to colour in. Even if I don't, I need to change something. 2010's strategy of "struggle on with gritted teeth" isn't sustainable.
In 2011, to be LBTEPA is to be
An athlete
- to steal a comment from the mighty Tea, is an athlete, not a hero.
- is consistent-ish. Life happens.
- is careful-ish about what she eats and drinks
- makes workouts happen. They will if I make them, they won't if I don't.
- isn't precious or a diva. If there's only time for 5km when she wanted 7, an athlete doesn't wring her hands and get all "oh woe I am such a loser oh woe" on herself. She gets it done.
- takes physical limitations into account but doesn't let them rule her life
- dreams big, and is patient
A connected person
- friends that new person who's invited her - nothing bad will happen
- makes that call. Yes it's been ages, but tomorrow it'll be even longer
- accepts she'll always think she sounds like an idiot leaving messages but does it anyway
- smiles at people
- blogs regularly
- calls retail staff by their names
- wades through shyness, ego and worry about being pathetically needy to JFDI. Friendliness is everywhere even in a tri club full of skinnyfasts, who'd have thought? if you look
A sparkling person
- smiles a lot
- doesn't buy into staffroom or lunch-table whinge-fests.
- laughs often and loudly and accepts that people will look at her askance when she does so
- speaks passionately and sincerely
- has fears and doubts and neuroses. So?
- does stuff, just because she wants to. No-one really cares. The Not Right Police aren't coming.

I hope this post doesn't have the same effect as those R&M posts in December! I promise I'll tell you about yesterday's meltingly humid run along the river (with Noddie as my drink sherpa on her bike, thank goodness, or I would have died, srsly) and my awesome captaining of my work's tri teams. I'll even show you my chart if you like!
More anon, sparklers!