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Thursday, September 30, 2010

Put these on

So. Dr Manage-Your-Own-Symptoms astonishingly believed me about how my sinuses are trying to eat their way out of my face. I'll be doing another marathon on antibiotics.
What a sentence! Another marathon means I've been lucky enough, been healthy enough, and had enough support to have two life-changing 42.2km days already. I've been inspired by kind and encouraging people, pissed off (= inspired in another way!) by others, and made lifelong friends with two awesome women.on antibiotics means I live in a country with freely available health care and safe affordable medicines.
I have to have surgery a week after the marathon means I'm lucky enough to be able to afford private health insurance, and have flexible enough work and a supportive enough family and friends to drop everything and Just Get It Done.
My last uni exam is two weeks after that means I have the ability - and the means - to pursue my vocation. You may be thinking that it would also be valuable to pursue the ability to reas a calendar, the control of my urge for instant gratification and the eradication of my insane belief that everything will work out becuase I want it to. Who am I to challenge to wisdom of my five faithful readers?
All this stuff going on makes me feel tired and sad means I am not afraid to experience any of my emotions. Sad and tired are as much part of life's rich tapestry no, I can't believe I wrote that either as thrilled and triumphant. There's plenty of room for that too.
More anon, dream-weavers!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

POLYP

polyp pol·yp (pŏl'ĭp)
n. a usually non-malignant growth of tissue protruding from the mucous lining of an organ such as the nose, bladder or intestine, often causing obstruction.
Also callled polypus

OMFG I have coral up my nose

ALSO
clogging up about 75% of my sinuses
significantly blocking my intake of air
increasing the likelihood of infection well blow me down with a feather who would have thought it?
AND making my face hurt most of the time
ALSO
Gone within the next six weeks. Bring on the laser! Or whatever. I don't want to know. J read the surgery info brochure and told me I really dont want to know. I knew I shouldnt have watched Little Shop of Horrors last week.
In other news, the LBTEPA dominance of the Bad Mother Awards (Letting the Side Down division) continues: after dragging Noddie to Melbourne on the train and making her hold my big sooky la-la hand while the doctor shoved things into my face ewwwwwwwwww (although I'm sure viewing the gunked-up interior of her mother's nose via a fibre-optic camera was educational), plans for an aquarium visit were, ahem, postponed in favour of buying shoes. For Noddie! She's grown over the winter! She needed them! Then she wanted salt and vinegar chips for tea and I let her have them because the train was crowded and it was a long way home.
More anon

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Memo

From: The Nasty Surprise Fairy
To: The Virus Currently Trashing LBTEPA's Upper Respiratory System

Re: Timing

Dear V
whilst I am full of admiration for the underhanded way in which you concealed your insidious infiltration under the guise of post-long-run soreness and what may or may not have been a hangover after a drawn Grand Final and Big Night Out with Old Friends I admit nothing, and even more impressed by the speed and intensity with which you have laid her low with aches, coughing and a window-rattling bark - less than 24 hours! awesome! - I would like to point out the following
- she's already done all her long runs. You may have made yesterday's 20km into a 3-hour sufferfest during which she was a close as she's ever been to ringing the Spousal Unit for a lift home, but it got done, and all the 30km+ runs are already in the bag. How many times do I have to tell you, V? They're the ones we have to mess up if we're going to turn the marathon into a Long Day Of Pain. I'd appreciate a bit more focus in future. The Gold Coast was an Epic Win for us, yes, but we cannot rest on out laurels.
- it's two weeks until race day. Two. Weeks. Since when have you ever stuck around that long? You're good, darl, but you're not that good. As a backup plan, could you let Chest Infection know we might need him to step in? In addition, I'll be talking to the Weather Fairy about some unseasonable warmth.
- I'd appreciate your thoughts on whether we need to reconsider our overall approach. LBTEPA is getting so good at Just Keeping Moving under sub-optimal conditions, it's almost creepy. In the meantime, I'll see what I can do at the sinus surgeon's office on Tuesday. I'll keep you posted.
In future, V, I would appreciate it if you could pay closer attention to these matters. I cannot manage all aspects of Project Trash 10/10 myself as I am very busy. Regards
Nasty Surprise Fairy

Note to self: think twice before g00gle image searching "nasty surprise fairy"!!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

You know what?

- laughing at a person because she is upset that her footy team lost the preliminary final THANKS UMPIRES FOR DECIDING THAT NONE OF OUR PLAYERS HAD HEADS OR BACKS is actually saying "I believe I have the right to decide what's important to you". So, wanna laugh about when my dog got run over?
- I put together a pretty decent 35km on Saturday, especially considering I had to start at 5.30am to get back in time to catch the noon train to get to Melbourne for the footy NOT THAT WE'RE EVER MENTIONING THAT AGAIN. I started out with 20 km of run two songs, walk one - and Mark, yes, when Bat out of Hell is followed by Bohemian Rhapsody then it is a bit of a struggle. Focusing on the music rather than the watch seems to be working well for me. It helps me keep in a "you do your marathon your way, I'll do mine my way" state of mind, even when annoying Perky Fast People With Friends to Run With bastards zoom by and then shout 'encouraging' remarks on the way back. Yes, lady, I AM doing well.
- I'm so lucky to do my long runs along the rail trail - it's gorgeous, of course, all paddocks and bushland and birds and views, but also becuase there are not many long straight bits, it's very easy to 'chunk'.
Home to the highway
Highway to the rail path
First and second crossroads
Two small bridges
Cross the highway and head through the paddocks
A couple of (ahem) "hills" and two more crossroads into a little town
Footbridge over the river
Up the gravel path through the scented bushes to the next crossroads
Back to the start of the rail path and home along the river track
I must mention that this route includes EIGHT Seats o' Temptation, which as an out and back makes SIXTEEN opportunities to "just have a little rest for a moment". Some days I hate them more than others is it so wrong to give the finger to an inanimate object when no-one's looking? but I've not once succumbed to their siren call. Go me, eh?
- I changed up to run 3 songs: walk 1 with 15km to go (and if you think that can't go horribly wrong you don't know my playlist. Stupid Mozart). I was surprised at how well I could sustain it. Could there be something in this consistency lark after all?
- I like The Taper. The Taper is my friend.
- It's a worry to me that I feel quietly confident about VSM#3. What can the Nasty Surprise Fairy be planning for this one?
- Even when it's abundantly clear that you're doing the Right Thing, it's hard to quit your job when everyone there is so nice.

More anon, dreamers.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Rash decisions

As of four weeks from now I will only have two jobs. This is A Good Thing. I didn't wear my awesome zebra shoes becuase they would have clashed with my outfit (brown/rose tones). Never fear! I wore these very funky t-bars instead. Get this: since I made the decision to drop my third job, to focus on getting the Spousal Unit Properly Well again, the strange rash I've had on my shoulders has gone. Just Like That. Hmmm.
I've really reaallly worked hard on Not Stressing Out for Very Slow Marathon #3, while still putting in the kms. I just can't go back to where I was before VSM#2. When I look back at the preparation for Gold Coast, it's as though at a bad dream. I reckon I'd still have run it sick and underprepared even if I had known how horrible it would be, but that's becuase I'm a bloody-minded idiot with achievement issues. However: Never .Again. My priorities are different now too. I have to be the calm, coping organiser at home. J can do without me having lame meltdowns about my hobbies - you know,the ones I've chosen to do? If Operation VSM #3 was ever going to work, I had to find another, realistic, sustainable way to go about it. I had to suck up the fact that, under my current circumstances, setting a time goal would lead to a quick trip along the Pressure and Disappointment highway. NOT GOING THERE. That sub-6 will have to wait. Don't laugh, I'll do it one day... This time, the only appropriate goal is to finish. Le sigh... There are benefits to Project Cruisy Marathon, though. Rolling out of bed at 5am after getting off the train at 10.30 the previous night wasn't so bad when it was just for a pleasant, easy, no-pressure run....a 33km run.....ok who am I kidding, not easy AT ALL. But a run with the sole aim of covering the required ground, no matter how long it takes, avoids the whole how-slow-was-that-km-OMG-why-am-I-such-a-lardy-loser-I-hate-this agitation/despair death spiral. I did have a Plan, of course: run two songs:walk one song, shifting to run 3 walk 1 for the last 10km, cos that's when I start to really want to get home. Note to self for next post: inflict marathon playlist on five faithful readers. J gave me a cool hat with a light in the brim, which is tremendous for those pre-dawn stumbles down unmade roads and uneven footpaths. Thanks darl!
Now where was I? Oh yes, Saturday's run. I've been struggling with a sinus thingy (yawn, so what's new?) and what with that, a big week in Melbourne and a late night, I got to the 5km mark where the rail trail starts and quite frankly wasn't feeling the love.
Sniffle! Cough! Look out! Here comes the excuse-and-justification train! Are YOU hopping on, LBTEPA? It was one of those Defining Moments. I said to myself, LBTEPA old girl, turn around by all means. You're tired. You've not been well. 10km will do for the day. Go home if you like.
But if you do, you have to drop to the half marathon on 10/10. Without this run you won't be ready. Simple as that. Choose.
Sh$*!
And off up the trail I went. I was going to write more but just got some news about Beating the Bastard Sinuses for Ever! Yay! But it will probably involve surgery. Eww.
It was a good run though. I feel happy when I think about it.
More anon

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Play On!

Since I got off the train from Melbourne on Friday at 11pm I've run 33km, made a powerpoint presentation which I didn't use because the stupid data projector wouldn't work arrgghh, gone out to dinner, been HYSTERICAL about my Bulldogs WINNING their sudden-death semi final (after I snuck out of the restaurant to check the scores just before half time and we were 30 points down, I nearly threw up with terror and hope when I got home and we were five points up with five minutes to go (for my non-Aussie Rules friends, 1 goal = 6 points = one straight kick by the Swans and All Was Lost). There may have been some less-than-seemly squealing and OMG OMG OMG WE WE WON WE WON-ing after the siren. I admit nothing), given a talk at church, taken Lara to a party, finished unpacking, done and hung 3 loads of washing so it had bloody better not rain tonight, cleaned the house of the debris of 3 days without my supervision, bought groceries and the makings of a Pippi Longstocking wig (for Lara's school dress-up day, theme 'reading'), made dinner ok ok it was nachos, you know I'm a paid-up member of the Bad Mothers' Club (Crap Cook Division), ordered new shorts and gels and done the banking online, and put together a playlist for Very Slow Marathon #3. After I put Noddie to bed I'm going to SIT DOWN AND NOT MOVE.
Tomorrow I'm resigning from one of my jobs. The Spousal Unit needs me to be around more at the moment. Something's gotta give, and it's not going to be my (or his) health.
I'm also putting the scales away until after VSM #3, and perhaps even longer. You were so right, Emma. I DO rock exactly the way I am, and I DON'T need any more demands on my resources. I certainly don't need a failure, which is what Project -4kg would be if I tried it now. I'll wear my new shoes when I see my boss in the morning.
I'm going to Melbourne again on the train for the footy on Saturday night. It'll be ugly, but I'm up for it. More anon, faith-keepers!

Saturday, September 04, 2010

the most wonderful time of the year

NOT.
It's finals time. My poor Doggies are in the four and we're not up to it. It's going to be a long fortnight.
J is at one end of the house watching his beloved (ahem, he doesn't even cough up for a membership AND he couldn't care less about them when they're not winning) Pies thrash my darling Bulldogs (the only time I've not had a membership was when I was so broke I couldn't afford my health insurance) while I watch a scary Dr Who at the other end of the house.
I spend a lot of time sucking stuff up, rationalising, accepting and reframing. My job is helping people see things in a more functional way. Well you know what? No-one can do that all the time. Footy is where I don't pretend. My visceral, emotional six year old is allowed out. It's Not Fair. This Sucks. Everyone Is Mean To Us. Why can't WE ever have the upset? Waaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!
Yes, it's irrational, no, it doesn't make sense. You can laugh at me if you want. But I bleed for my Bulldogs. I do care. I Am Upset.
So there.
More anon, heart-on-sleevers!
P.S quantities of sparkling shiraz may or may not have had an influence on this post. I admit nothing.

Friday, September 03, 2010

A clue

can't breathe properly
face hurts All The Time
gastro
chest full of concrete
window-shaking cough
can't stay warm....

....must be a marathon coming up
......that I've and worked hard for and looked forward to for months
.........these things happen

dr tomorrow

All. So. Boring.

Ooh look! shoes!


more anon, high steppers!

Thursday, September 02, 2010

How would I know?

Alarm set for 6am - check
Running gear - check
Half banana and water - check
Sinus spray, decongestant medicine and asthma puffer - check
7km run- check
Post-run ibuprofen (for sore face) - check
It struck me this morning that my tolerance for discomfort may be too high.

Knowing when to stop is something I grapple with on a reular basis. I don't feel that much worse after a workout, and I'm pretty sure it's just another over-friendly virus, to which, as my five faithful readers know, I am tiresomely prone. The Spousal Unit and my mum and dad have been rolling their eyes at me though. I don't know, maybe I've become a bit too resigned to it all? After the last couple of winters I've come to the conclusion that if I'm going to get sick, resting does absolutely smeg all to prevent it. So I might as well plug on until the germs win and I have to stop. This may or may not make sense. How would I know?
I've been self-destructive in the past, and this doesn't feel like that. Taking the stance well, I'll just keep working out until I feel too crook to go on might seem a bit sick on some levels, especially given my usual inability to notice that it was actually time to stop quite a while ago, but it is a more useful strategy for me than oh f#$* f#$* f#$* I'm sick AGAIN this is all my fault all is lost whaddamIgunnadoooooo? Resigned acceptance works much better for me than helplessness and self-blame. Less tiring - and much less tiresome to others.

In other news, after a long, wet, cold winter the plum blossoms and wattle trees are out!
Hellooooooooooo Spring! Welcome back! So happy to see you!
More anon