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Sunday, August 29, 2010

No pressure

I know stuff. Oh yes, I do.
I feel much more calm and happy when my floors and benches are clean. Our Very Good vacuum cleaner and steam mop are investments in my mental health.
When things are ok and everyone is buzzing along nicely it's ok for spouses to function almost in parallel. But when one reveals that things are not so hoopy on Planet Spousal Unit, the other had better change her focus quicksticks and get into Looking After J mode. We're a team: united we stand!
We are very, very lucky. All is fundamentally well. We never stop counting our blessings.
The hoop-jumping required to get through my uni course is abso#$%*inglutely #$%*ing infuriating. They've got a #$%*ing nerve taking our money, the #$%*ing #$%*s. Grrrrrrrrrr.
Last week I did two things I've never done before: got an extension for an assignment the shame, the shame; and, upon realising that I'd run out of a key dinner ingredient, Gave Up. Yes, for want of some tinned tomatoes I put my kid into her dressing gown and took her through the maccas drive-through, and bought my poor husband a souvlaki from the takeaway. I am totally joining the Bad Mothers' Club.
I deal with Help-I-Have-An-Assignment-To-Do-and-I-Don't-Know-How anxiety by looking at cool shoes on the internet. Mmmmmmm......shoes.............
A good bawl for no reason and a nice sweaty bike workout improves pretty much any day.
In other news:
The fine minds here at the LBTEPA Think Tank have concluded that we Do Not Need Any More Pressure. This means I simply cannot do Super-Keen and Determined for Very Slow Marathon #3 (in 41 days, not that I'm counting). This time Effort and Will are not the answer. I have to trick my tired worried little mind into being all super-cruisy and no problemo, while still covering the required ground. Good thing LBTEPA is a woman of infinite ideas, no? Except when there are no tomatoes.
Now the Plan is This: exercise six days a week. Two mid-week runs and a long one, plus swim, ride, weights...whatever. Just move.
No clock-watching on the long runs. Rather than 9:1 or 4:1 run: walk intervals, I'm using the brilliant two songs:one song method. Mind-blowing in its simplicity, no? As long as you have an 1p0d. No stress, just music! Drink every walk break and a gel every hour. No dramas. Just right.
I've been approaching de-larding the wrong way, I think. Focusing on Not eating (or drinking yes and please don't remind me of that smug post a few months back where I boasted how I have no trouble refusing a sherby and it's all so easy - I DO AND IT ISN'T) is pretty much automatic FAIL for me, which pretty much equals automatic well I wasn't that interested anyway. I was thinking about this, and I think it will work better if I move toward what I want rather than away from what I don't want. So what do I want?
I want two things.
This number on the scales


76.*kg


and these.
Or rather, the similarly gorgeous pair waiting at the back of my wardrobe, all snuggled in their box just waiting for that happy, happy day when we can be together. Now that'll help drown out the siren call of the second helping.

Next post I'll put up a picture of the Real Shoes O'Fabulousness, and also the awesome art J and I bought at a gallery opening on the weekend. Oh I know......coo er flash eh?
More anon, mes ami!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Lucky

I saw the most gorgeous sunrise when I was out running this morning. Oh my it was glorious. Red and orange and crimson and magenta and pink. The trees along the river were black silhouettes against the stunning daybreak. It was magic.
Then off to my left I saw it - the setting moon, huge and shiny like a silver coin in the violet sky.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

State of play

Since last I reported in any detail, dear readers, much has been happening here on Planet LBTEPA. As it does. To summarise:
Weeks of uni reading done: 5/5
Uni assignments due: 1
Assignments done: 0
Courses of antibiotics: 2
CAT scans of bastard sinuses: 1
Referrals to ENT specialist to investigate fluid/soft tissue abnormalities: 1
Awesome customer service experiences with Brooks and the New Balance outlet : 2
Pairs of running socks bought online from the US for the same price as one pair from the local distributors (including postage): 2

Phone calls/emails returned by uni placement supervisor: 0
Hours it will probably take to catch up on paperwork backlog arising from lack of training at new job: 15
Thoughts of chucking it all in and running off to a desert island: 1000000 Days off work with poor sick Noddie: 1
Sock puppets made: 2
Trips to hospital with Noddie for an afternoon on the nebuliser: 1
Missed mid-week workouts: 1
Missed long runs: 0
Election ads ads on TV sworn at: 1000000. Thank goodness the pre-poll media blackout has started.

More anon, castaways!

Monday, August 16, 2010

Baaaa

"There are many reasons that suffering without undue complaining may be good for the soul, but ensuring one's reward in heaven is not one of them. Courage is its own reward, and there can never be a good reason to cause other people suffering - which is what complaining does".
A dear friend of mine posted this as her FB status the other day. She is a very spiritual, soulful person with many wonderful qualities. Her words made me think.
1. Is courage its own reward? I thought the bling was the reward?
2. I should give up blogging altogether.
3. No! Didn't we just have this conversation the other day?
4. No-one except me has to read this.
5. No-one at all has to like it.
6. Hang on. Complaining/whingeing/grizzling is very useful! Verbalising things like fear and doubt and OMG WTF was I thinking before - and while - I do something I'm scared of gives those feelings a shape, a controllable form that I can manage much better than the nebulous 'I am soooo feeling anxious/angry/manipulated/inadequate but I am soooo not admitting it, even to myself'. If I write it or say it I can see it. If I can see it I can get past it, over it, around it or through it.
It will come as no surprise to my five faithful readers that while we here at the LBTEPA Institute are big fans of the Stiff Upper Lip shouldn't that be Stiff Lower Lip?, we believe that giving oneself permission to voice both positive and negative feelings can be very liberating. Within reason (quantitatively speaking), of course - or, as our research suggests, you'll be voicing them all by yourself fairly quickly.
Another thing: sometimes if you complain about things, people offer solutions you haven't been able to come up with by yourself. Ideas that pull you up short and make you see the situation in a whole new way - even validating your pessimism! Some of the most helpful things I've ever heard have been in response to my lamest bleating.
If you're having such a rotten time, why are you doing it? Because I want to. Perhaps I'd better shut up a bit about it though
You've got nothing to prove. True.
What if you forgave yourself for not being perfect?
Ooooh, now there's a thought....
It'll hurt a lot and take a long time, but you'll get there. It did, it did and I did.
And my favourite
well yes, you do complain a lot, but you're funny
.
More anon, world bleaters!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

It's not me, it's you

Dear LBTEPA
what's going on here? What's changed between us? Things used to be so good. We got on so well - we could say anything to each other. I'd take on everything you said, with an open mind and open heart. You used to let it all hang out with me, say what you thought, tell of your adventures, philosophise, and let go with flights of fancy that went on for pages.
What's happened? When did I become another place where you felt awkward or ashamed or self conscious, or worried about what other people think? I'm sad that's happened. This isn't what we were about, darl. We were about living honestly, fear and self-doubt and whingeing and all. This was a place to speak your mind, all the grand and splendid and wonderful and bitchy and sooky and shallow bits. What happened?
Don't lose that, LBTEPA. I know you've been under the hammer this year, what with the move to Planet New and the new jobs and uni being all stupid and the marathon o' Stupid Determination. I know you're tired. Please don't go back down that road, my friend. Don't edit yourself. Be real, here with me. Who cares how many comments you get or what they say? We're about the writing. We're about the space to be yourself, and talk to other people on the same journey, and make friends who know the real you.
Don't leave me. Don't leave you.
Lots of love
Your Blog

Friday, August 06, 2010

Enough said

Well sports fans it's been quite a week. All my jobs are hotting up which is great as I'm learning heaps - especially about playing catch-up with required documentation which it would have be helpful to have been told about.
Uni is interesting although it would also be helpful if my supervisor would answer his phone or emails. I'm not missing TV all that much.
The inlaws are up for a flying visit. Noddie's school concert was last night (awwwwwwww) and J has given Noddie the day off school today b/c the inlaws can't possibly drive back to Melbourne tomorrow and then go to the footy in the evening. Far too fatiguing. Their dog won't walk on our tiles. Too cold. Noddie is Over-Excited. I'm staying right out of it.
I'm off to my fancy-pants consultant job this morning and then covering 20km on foot this afternoon, not calling it running 'cause the plan is to Just Keep Moving very very slowly over back streets and the rail path through the paddocks mmmmm......... oh how I am looking forward to it.
more anon, weekend warriors!

Monday, August 02, 2010

When in doubt....

....if possible, always go for the option that includes a lovely day at the races in a fab new hat.