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Monday, March 15, 2010

Getting real, part one

I'm writing this to put down some things that have been swirling around in the ol' noggin. It's much easier for me to see things clearly if they're in front of me in black and white. This is my study break, though, 'cause I went through my uni notes last week and discovered I have 3000 words due in week 4 - next week! Eek! I need to Smarten Up my study habits quicksticks.
My dear old Tiresome Cheery Friend popped back on the weekend, bless her, to talk me through this wretched cold.
LBTEPA: oh woe, oh woe! My throat hurts and my voice sounds funny; there's gunk when I cough and my joints ache! Oh woe! All Is Lost!
TCF: Hi darl! What's up?
LB: Thank God you're here! I have a cold!
TCF: and you're freaking out because...
LB: I can't exercise! I've tried working out through a cold before and it always goes horribly wrong!
TCF: and this is a problem becuase...?
LB: that's it for my marathons this year! Oh woe!
TCF: petal, just take a deep breath. You're not Wimping Out and Ruining Everything. You're being sensible and managing your health. It's going to be ok.
LB: this must be all my fault somehow
TCF: no no no no my duckling. We were going to try and let that kind of thinking go, yes? This bug is going around! You'll recover quickly becuase you're really healthy and you look after yourself. What's really going on here, LB?
LB: (in a small voice) when my joints ache I'm scared I'm getting chronic fatigue again.
TCF: oh my friend - that is a scary thought! But trust me. This is Just a Cold. It's not a punishment for anything. It's not the end of Big Dreams 2010. You're okay. Everything is going to be okay. What say we take this week to be very kind to ourselves, start our new job and get properly better before we get stuck into the Next Big Plan?
LB: Good plan!
I *heart* my TCF.
- I also *heart* my List O'Joy. Lists are usually about Shoulds, stuff that we include in our lives to get invisible brownie points or ticks on the Worthy Person Scale. I don't need that stuff reinforcing my issues - but I love lists! So I decided on a different approach: what did I want my life to look like, and what would a person with that life do on a regular basis?
My List spans a week now. I do still have daily lists, but they are filled from the L O'J, as well as that other unpredictable stuff that always pops up. It has stuff like clean bathrooms/mop/vacuum - but they're on the list because I like to have a clean house. It has things like exercise, drinking 1.5l water and Alcohol Free Days for the same reason: not because I Should, or as reminders of deficiency, but because I want a strong healthy life.
The joyful sparkly little things like doing my nails and playing the piano (I'm a crap beginner but I have fun) and blogging and knitting have their places on the List. It's too easy to "forget" those things, or put them off or not give yourself permission to "waste time" on them. Their absence makes life such a beige place. I will not have a beige life!
I don't have a set number of things I "have to" complete, either. Life is how it is. The List O'Joy isn't pass or fail. In the frame of my wife/mum/student/employee Reality, it's a colour-by-numbers of the rainbow life I want.
And the other things I've been thinking about? I'm a bit hesitant to write them down here just yet. Maybe I don't want to properly get my head around them? In any case, All Will Be Revealed in my next post. It will have extra added Realness as I Face Up to Things and Knuckle Down. Can you do those things simultaneously? We shall see...
More anon, contortionists!

24 much-appreciated comments:

Inca Maia said...

Death to beige and let's celebrate the rainbow!

Sprinke that Realness with colorful hundreds and thousands (is that what they are called?!).

Paul said...

Hi A

I didn't notice till now that BIG DREAMS 2010 would appear to include a half marathon two weeks after a full marathon.

Now, far be it from me to question the dream, but ....

Why??

Acceptable answers include:
1. My friends are doing it and I said I'd support them.
2. I am raising money for [insert worthy cause here].
3. I win a large amount of money on a bet if I do it.

Unacceptable answers include:
1. It seems like a good idea.
2. I'll be sooo strong after my marathon that I think I could run a PB for the half.
3. Oops, I made a mistake, I meant another full marathon two weeks later.

You are a champion. You have noble, worthy, lofty goals. This scheduling of events looks odd to me.

Mail me directly if you'd like some more detailed thoughts on this idea.

Your supporter, Paul :-)

PS - I once completed three Ironman distance tri's in 9 weeks so I have some idea about what these things do to your body, but more importantly, your mind!

Sue said...

Do you think she can ever get out of that pose? Without surgery?

MorseyRuns said...

I like your TCF- is she just a figment of your imagination or can she come around and have a chat to me?

Mary Sunshine said...

I think your TCF is really YOU. I wonder how many others figured this out????

yes, Beige = Death...but you are the least beige person I know.

Hugs from Ohio!! You are loved by so many!

Cinders said...

We can do this!! Yep, Josh was rapt with the doggies on Saturday night, he went along with all his cousins. Tonight he is off to get Bazza's number put on the back of his jumper - too cute.

touch said...
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