Pod people

OMG OMG! Squeals and girly handflaps!! The inspiring DG invited me on to her podcast to talk about setting and achieving goals! We had a long talk when she was in Melbourne earlier this year, and she's even funnier, gutsier and more delightful than you would think from her blog - hard to imagine, I know, but true! So of course I agreed.
But then I started thinking about how I actually set and achieve goals. I came up with this:
I dunno, I just do.
I asked the Spousal Unit. You've seen me set lots of goals and carry them off. How do I do it?
ummmm I dunno, you just decide you'll do things and then you do them.
It was looking like a short interview.
DG sent me the questions. No pressure! So as not to let down all her loyal listeners I started thinking about some answers. What came out was pretty much along the lines of my manifesto of a couple of years ago, but with added me! me! me! At least I'm consistent, eh?
Q1) how do you stay so "normal" with your goals? in that you set them and achieve them but dont seem to become obsessed and narrow focused either.
I have to tell you, the Spousal Unit laughed and laughed at this one
A: I love talking to runners about running and I love trying to communicate the joy if it to others, but I'm always aware of people's eyes glazing over! I do have good friends I can yap on and on and on to about it when we are together, which is great and saves poor J from being bored to death. Also that's what my blog is for! Endurance sport is my special thing, but it's a part of my WHOLE life as a wife/mum/student/friend/counsellor. I love it, and it's important to me and I do get a bit obsessed J just read this and said "a BIT?" but it's not my primary duty. It's actually a quite private pleasure for me. I get to go off on my own and do it. I mean, what IS a marathon but 6 hours of "mummy time"?
This will sound SO arrogant - but I know what I need AND i feel ok about making sure I get it. I want friends who I can obsess with about running and triathlon so I joined an online forum and started my blog. If I want praise, or a hug, or help with folding the washing I'll ask for it. I need alone time cos I'm an introvert so I take it. If I fulfil my obligations as a wife and mother and do my job, I don't feel guilty (or not very guilty!) about saying right I'm off to the study/ for a run/to a race. It's an example to Noddie about adult women and marriage as well. The Spousal Unit thinks this is normal too (or he may do - he doesn't say otherwise!). I'm achievement oriented. I set goals because I want to. Not everyone is like that, and they don't have to be. The point is, if you're getting what you need you can be pretty relaxed about most other stuff.

Q2) what are your top three tips for setting realistic, achievable goals?
OR
what are there DOs or DONTs with regards to goal setting you'd wanna share?
Q3) how do you know (for YOU, LBTEPA) when a goal is REACHING FOR THE STARS but not unrealistic?
It's a 'reaching for the stars' dream if it'd fit at the end of "I've always wanted to...." or 'one day I'll....'" or if it just keeps popping into your head.
I don't think of dreams or goals as "realistic" or otherwise. I can dream anything I want! I think the main thing is to know it's OK to have secret crazy BIG DREAMS. Then it's a matter of why not just have a crack at it? You can have any big dream, and then shape the details to "reality" as you go along.
The key is being able to identify the absolute guts of your dream. When I thought about doing this marathon (did I tell you I ran the Melbourne marathon last week? Oh, I did?) , the guts of it, the really really important part of it that I saw really clearly whenever I thought about it, was running into the MCG, and getting a medal (which I could then refuse to take off for a week). Anything else was a bonus. So what did I have to do to run into the MCG - before the gates shut! - and get a medal?
Focusing first on the thing you want and then seeing what you have to do to get it works much better than looking at all the things in the way first up. The things in the way can easily obscure your dream. If you keep your eyes on the prize, you see stepping-stones, or things to cross off your list mmmmmmmmm lists........., not obstacles. It doesn't matter how far it is from where you are to where you want to be - just as long as you have a picture of it in your mind.
You don't have to believe you can do it either. I gave up about twice a week, you ask J! You just have to think you might like to do it, and be able to imagine the first step eg doing one subject at uni or running for 30 seconds. That's how I started running after I had Noddie - run 30s, cough up a lung, walk 4.30, repeat x5. Each step leads you to think you might be able to do the next one, and all of a sudden five years later you're running into the MCG and refusing to take off your medal for a week :)
Doing this sort of thing ripples through the rest of your life too. Why shouldn't I wear pink cowboy boots, or bright red nails and lipstick in races, or go on the bouncy castle if I want to? So what if I'm older and heavier and slower than most of the athletes in the events I do? No-one except me really cares if my big secret dream comes true or not. I'll turn 50 one day whether or not I'm living the life I want, so I might as well go after it!
DO'S and DON'TS....ummmmm.....
That line from Strictly Ballroom came into my head "A life lived in fear is a life half lived". Being afraid of something could well be a reason not to do it (no way am I EVER swimming with sharks). But not necessarily. You don't have to crash through every barrier, BUT if your sentence "I'd love to do thing x..." ends with "but I'm scared (of failure/that my family won't love me if I don't fold the washing/that people will laugh/that I'll be bad at it)" - that's a reason to look more closely at it and maybe say, so what? I'll have a crack anyway.
As my dear mother says, what's the worst thing that could happen?
DO go after YOUR dream. So what if I just ran a marathon and DG moved to Europe and found true love? What's YOUR dream?
Do it YOUR way. I like lists and charts and smiley-face stickers and lots of complaining and celebrations - that's MY way. You're a grown-up, you're good at stuff. What makes you good at it? Approach your goal with YOUR skills and gifts instead of trying to do it the same way as your friend/sister/someone you read about on the internet.
DON'T crucify yourself on a time-frame. Life happens, and getting where you want to go may take quite a bit longer than you expected (my 6-year plan to become a psychologist looks like taking double that, but I'm a Mum when I never thought I would be. What's that saying? you CAN do everything you want - just not all at once. I plan to be in good health for the next 40-50 years. There's plenty of time.
DON'T let it go.
The most important thing is to never see yourself as having "failed". Maybe you didn't do what you set out to - but I bet you're so different from the person you were when you started. Maybe it wasn't the right time, or maybe it wasn't the right dream? Grieve and feel bitter disappointment by all means - but you're still you, the secret Big Dreamer in the wonder woman t-shirt (and the marathon medal you refuse to take off).

It was so nice to talk to DG again. I want some brainy person out there to invent a person-transmitter so I can hug all my wonderful friends whenever I want to, no matter where they live. See to it, will you?

More anon, high steppers!