My friends, my dear friends...comrades, pals, companions in life's vicissitudes...
I have a confession to make. I have been lying to you.
You have had race reports and smiling photos and funny freak-outs and peptalks to others, but underneath all that, I'm feeling lost. Life seems a bit disconnected and directionless, and as though things are spinning around and around me and flying away faster than I can catch them.
I just gave the biggest sigh as I wrote that. Putting it down has made me feel a bit better.
It doesn't make sense to feel like that - I'm training hard and regularly, eating (fairly) well and maintaining my detente with the Demon Drink. Pretty tired from 5.15am starts, but all set to taper for the Olympic Tri next week !!!!(excuse me for a moment while I FREAK OUT!!!!) and then get started on my big mid-year project. Physically I feel strong, although sleep deprived thanks to that matricidal spawn of satan, I mean poor Noddie, sleeping very badly (= Mummy up at least twice every night) for the last week. Noddie and the Spousal Unit are their lovely selves; work is as ok as it ever is. I don't know what's wrong. I could be a stranded alien, or a pod-person who's just realised it, or I could be irritable because we haven't really settled into a routine this year....or I could just be naturally cranky. I don't really care. In keeping with my devoutly-held belief that if you have a plan you can change it, while no plan = you keep drifting, The Plan Is This:
The Chart Is Back!
Don't pout like that and say is that the best you can do? This is my mini-crisis! It's all about me here!
Last year my charts reminded me to do what I wanted to do in the midst of what I had to do. I let them go during the thesis-finish craziness and the lovely summer holidays because there are times when structure and goals aren't the be-all and end-all (claps hand to mouth - did I just say that?).
That time is OVER. This year my chart will remind me that I don't have to feel aimless.
Headings include the usual - Training, Stretching/Core, Friends - but also two new ones, EWD and DWD - Eat Wisely Day and Drink Wisely Day. The number of nights I've gone to bed and sighed sadly, that was stupid, better try harder tomorrow is creeping up, and I don't need any extra ammunition to criticise myself, I can assure you. Wise is a flexible word - sometimes it's wise to eat tuna salad and drink water, sometimes pizza and red wine are the thing. It's a non-judgemental word too, which suits the mood I'm in.
Hey ho and away we go, eh? Bring on the red pen and some boxes to cross off.
More anon, sages!
Friday, February 29, 2008
Acronyms R Us
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9 much-appreciated comments:
Sometimes, I think you just gotta say you did the best you could and be happy with that. It's really OK. I know that no matter how hard you trained in the past, you are going to do fine at the Olympic. I mean for me, the scariest part was the swim, and I know you got that licked. The most important thing to remember is to pace yourself appropriately for the longer distances on the bike and run. That's where I messed up.
I like your charts. Structure and planning is a good thing.
I definitely need a chart. My sister has one with star stickers which rocks.
I'm all for planning and goals.
BTW, I asked my husband the other day what his goal was (he's now cycling to work 2x per week and running 3x per week). He told me he doesn't have a goal.
Does.Not.Compute.
chart on!
I still admire you so so much!!
I have my off days too and feel like life is running away from me, all goes way to quick and I want to just jump of and rest rest rest.
Mmm.... lots to think about here. That elusive balance between pushing ourselves to reach our goals and being kind to ourselves when we fall short. The desire to eat in a way that makes us feel our best and healthiest, vs the understanding that sometimes we just want pizza and self-deprivation doesn't help. Knowing ourself: what tools we need in place to help us function at our best. (My guess, since I'm perpetually in the same boat, is that sleep deprivation is taking a greater toll than you realize.) As you know, I'm struggling most with food right now (I put on my fat-jeans yesterday and they were tight - EEK!) and am casting about for any lifeline I can find to help get control.
I do believe that you get what you measure...but I hope you keep the joy, too.
I hope the charts can be a source of joy when you look back in a couple years and can see what you learned from them.
Part of why I enjoy the endurance sport lifestyle is the periodicity of it all...the point where you have had all you can take of the early mornings and the daily workout focuses/goals and the gear and the fueling and the pace and the HR and you pull back for a week and ease up before the big day. Maybe you are rightly and justifiably tired now but you will feel great in every way when your race day comes! I know this will happen.
who's a ho?
i want photos of your charts!
and i'm going to take a WAG as to why you are feeling the way you are feeling: You are sleep-deprived, woman! You need a SWD chart, too. IMHO.
:)
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