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Monday, April 30, 2007

That'll teach me

If you need the word 'smegged' explained to you, the best thing to do would be to get a dvd of the utterly hilarious BBC series Red Dwarf.
For those who must know now, a brief explanation: the word is used in much the same way as other vulgar euphemisms. Some examples: 'smeg off!'; 'can't be smegged'; 'this smegging piece of smeg still doesn't work, even after I've wasted the whole smegging evening reinstalling the smegging operating system'.
Research has found no ascertainable connection with expensive kitchen appliances.
As far as conjugation goes, you can bung it in pretty much anywhere. Mostly it just makes you sound like a bit of a half-back flanker, as I have helpfully demonstrated. Don't say I never do anything for you.

Now do let's LET IT GO, and talk about me instead.
My star tally is up to ten, which means that my eating/ drinking/ spending/whingeing have been on track for well over half the time. This is good.
My research proposal, ethics and funding submissions have been slapped into submission and handed in on time, despite my having to reinstall my stupid computer's operating system.
And best of all, my hop count has also reached ten! Not long now until we are free again, my pretties ...not long now....

more anon, barnstormers!

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Acting As If

Positive? Moi? Why thanks darls!
It's been hard to write lately because I have been feeling so up and down.
It might all seem relentlessly positive; that's because that's the mindset I am trying to create for myself. Underneath there's always that little voice....
I am so sad that my ankle hurts and feels weak and unstable
I'm talking big about the Mother's Day run but I am NOT confident about doing it
Hurting myself again would be really bad
When did my waist turn into a beanbag?
Do you really lose all ability to lose weight when you turn 40? That WAS sudden!
I hope I'm not hurting myself with my new cleat position
My house is a mess
I feel like such a failure


I can't live like that. Boring, waste of energy, unattractive...you fill the gaps
So the plan is this...

I am Acting As If these are true

I am strong and healthy and I heal well.
I am lean and I drop weight easily.
I am determined and capable.
I am cheerful, and always look on the bright side.


I know it makes for boring posts, but it gets me by.
And by Acting As If, I will Make It So.

I coudn't be smegged vacuuming yesterday so I moved all the furniture around instead :) My house is still dusty but much more chic.
On our Saturday Train Adventure today, I took Noddie up the Rialto Tower. I love being up high!

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Important stuff.

I think one of the very important things ANZAC day teaches us is to apply some perspective to our small troubles, and to give thanks for our blessings. We can all do with more of that.
Lest We Forget.


I am cross with myself because my stupid ankle is a bit tweaky after I didn't-even-roll-it-just-lost-balance-off-a-curb yesterday during Noddie's and my 6.5km Epic Adventure Walk to Daddy's Work And Back. It took us about 3 hours, what with detours through Secret Parks, stops to turn Teddy's pram into a train (Noddie's obsession du jour; at least when it was a train she didn't want to leave it behind in someone's front yard), a sausage-in-a-roll picnic in Bunnings' car park, and we've-counted-twenty-houses-so-it's-time-for-another-bikkie breaks. Gosh that kid is a trouper. I was so proud of her I nearly cried.

I've been feeling a bit fed up all this week, for no real reason, but am remaining true to the LBTEPA code of stoic cheerfulness and have earned a few more stars. Hey, you remember I was fancying myself as a bike guru? I cannot BELIEVE the difference moving my cleats back 1cm has made!! Oooh I felt so strong and powerful as I trundled along on Minerva yesterday! And guess what? I think the mothers' day fairy might be getting me a biomechanical bike fitting! Bliss!*does excited girly hand flap*

Best be orf now chaps, as I have to get something vaguely resembling a 2000-word research proposal done by tomorrow afternoon.

More anon, bibliophiles!

Sunday, April 22, 2007

We're baaaack!

Minerva and me, we're back on the road, bay-beeeee! Woooo hoooooo!
My wonderful physio, he of Infinite Powers of Healing, has Spoken. And he has Said that Minerva and I may once again ride out through the land. And the people (well, me) rejoiced!
He also said when you can hop you can run. People with IPoH make obsure pronouncements like that. But don't you worry boys and girls, hop I shall.... Project Skippy is underway as we speak - I'd tell you about it, but the details are so top secret I'd have to kill you... well actually they're so boring you might die, involving as they do tiresome and repetitive exercises on steps. Moving on.

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So Minerva came in from the back verandah and was dusted with a baby wipe and had her tyres pumped up. Then I rode her dowwwwwwwnnnnnnnn the big hill we live on to see if I could remember how to use the flicky-flicky gears (I could), then uuuuuuuupppp the big hill we live on to see if it was any easier than last time (it wasn't puff puff pant pant). Then off we went out into the wind and the fresh air and the spits of rain and I felt more alive than I have for weeks. *beams*
Now my glutes are tired, but that's good because it means I'm actually using them now LOL. Three guesses as to how I overused my calves so badly *pouts*. Life is so full of possibilities for biomechanical error, isn't it? My ankle feels a bit sore from twisting my foot to unclip, which is a bit of a worry, but I will think about it later. Since I'm fancying myself as a bit of a bike guru these days (hahahahahahaha) I'm going to move the cleat on my right shoe back about 5mm to see if it fixes the unbalanced feeling when I pedal. Tres fascinating, no?
My next post may be from gaol as the Spousal Unit has been giving me such SERIOUS 'tude* about picking up after himself lately that I may have to have him taken out.

More anon, bipeds**
*Ooooh I am so scary and gangsta LOL
**and a big hello to any quadrupeds who may be reading as well! Everyone is welcome at Chez LBTEPA, we're not picky AT ALL

Thursday, April 19, 2007

and on a more cheerful note,

'cause cheerfulness is our raison d'etre here at chez LBTEPA...*

check out my new poster boy for the slow, the lardy and the proud. What a legend! Be inspired by his big dream here!

More anon, trundlers!
*By this I mean no disrespect whatsoever to those affected by the Virginia Tech tragedy. It's just how I cope with the world.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Rant, interrupted

I was going to have a rant about this (alleged) despicable, contemptible behaviour - even in football there has to be a line which players have too much self-respect and humanity to cross -
but then I heard about the dreadful tragedy at Virginia Tech, and I didn't have the heart.

When you go out, smile at the next person you see.
Let someone in before you in the queue or the traffic.
Ask a stranger who looks upset if she is ok.
Hug your beloved spouse and child and tell them you love them.
Speak out when the basic humanities are disrespected.
Always choose to be kind.
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Love one another.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Star light, star bright

If my whiny evil twin was in charge today this post would be all
My ankle is a mess
It hurts to walk, it’ll be forever until I run again or even get on the bike
Why do I f#$% everything up all the time
It will take eons to get fit again
I nearly weigh The Number again and I don’t care,
Why don’t I care? Because I am lazy and I suck
No wonder I have no friends/am so fat/have such awful clothes etc etc
Oh woe is me, oh woe!

(and you, my dear long-suffering readers, would be saying, there she goes again…)
But
That crybaby sooky-arse la-la has been banished to the sleepout, and I am running the show, mwahahaha!
And I have A Plan!
Like my poor Bulldogs (another football team for you, Wes) I need to get Back To Basics. What things are contributing to the downward slippery-slope of sloth and lardiness? What can be done about them?
Currently, pain + inactivity + other stresses = helplessness = eating and drinking and whining.
There is little to be done about the first two for the moment, as activity is pretty much restricted to what my ankle will take, which is not much. Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevation and Patience. And Stretching. So that would be RICEPS. Or PRICES. Anyway. On to the rest of the sorry equation.
I know what works for me in terms of motivation and habit change. Small changes. Failure-proof, a-bit-hard-but-not-too-hard goals. Regular small rewards. What can I do that will give me all these things? Aha!
*drumroll*
Star Stickers!

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I knew you'd be impressed.....

In order to get one of these little treasures on my calendar, I must
- stretch and do my physio exercises
- STOP when I realise I’m eating from tiredness or anxiety or anger
- Seek the support I need from J.
- challenge ‘it’s no use, you may as well give up’ thoughts.
- not more than one alcoholic drink, and most importantly
- strive for cheerfulness!!!

Don’t laugh – actually, laugh if you want to, it’s not your motivation that has gone AWOL! This will be the magic that transforms the LBTEPA universe!! So far (three days into the experiment) “Star Days” have made me smile as I rebuild my physical and mental strength. I *heart* my star stickers!

More anon, twinklers!

Thursday, April 12, 2007

the horror, the horror

Let it be stated at the outset that I have nothing but admiration for those plucky souls who are publicly taking charge of their own health on The Bigge$t Lo$er. Nor would I presume to criticise those people who find the program inspiring - everyone is entitled to her own opinion, and yes, sometimes something is edited in that is quite moving. The show repels me on the grounds that it seems to me superficial, voyeuristic, emotionally manipulative, discouraging and occasionally dangerous in its advice. Not to mention that "...we'll find out after the break..." shite....aarrgh...come orrrn AJ, you're a legend, why are you doing this?
So imagine my dismay when, after eight years of blissful cohabitation, I found that my dear Spousal Unit - friend of my bosom* and helpmeet in life's vicissitudes - had turned to the dark side. He cannot miss his daily B L fix. I could not be more appalled if he'd taken up smoking, started voting for Our Glorious Leader or ditched his beloved Pies for the northern code. What to do? What to do? Luckily a) that show is on at Noddie's story time so I have a legitimate excuse for leaving the room, and b) it can't be on for much longer, surely....
but then , J has gone back to the gym this week for the first time in four years. So what do I know?
In ORN (Obligatory Running News - all the coolest blogs have it, just ask Wes) ...errr... there isn't any. The floppiness of my rainbow-hued ankle has concerned my physio to the extent that he is treating it like a grade 2 sprain.That's me on the exercise bike for the next two weeks at least. No permanent damage, though. No worries. Nothing worth getting upset over, no?
Upset, no, appreciative of quantities of champagne, yes....

I am lying. I'm a bit upset. My heart has cracked a little bit, the way it does when the universe gives you ar wee reminder of its haphazardness. But not to worry. As Noddie would say, these things happen.

LBTEPA'S ATTITUDE FOR APRIL = cheerful and stoic.

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More anon, hippety-hoppers!

*He just read this over my shoulder and said, "I'll say, rwowr!" Pervert.

Monday, April 09, 2007

what not to do on your holidays

DO go to the races with your family
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and have a lovely time
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DO NOT trip over and alarm your dear mother while running
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IF YOU MUST have a cold bath, make sure you have a classic to read and something nice to drink
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DO apply a compression bandage after icing a bruise. It works a treat and I am almost all better today :)
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DO empty your pockets before getting into the bath :(
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Goodbye, my little red companion!

*TUESDAY MORNING*
It works again!

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Hi ho, hi ho

..it's off to work I go....
The bowels of the uni library are my home for today, as I avoid dirty bathrooms and crumb-y rugs and unpacked weekend bags, instead facing up to unread articles and an unwritten research summary. Wait! What's that?
*NEENAWWNEENAWW!!! NEGATIVITY ALERT! NEGATIVITY ALERT!*
If I was to hear Noddie bleating like this (unlikely, although her vocabulary is increasing - she was in the back yard 'helping' the Spousal Unit hang out the washing when she pointed at his Shed O'Shite and told him it was disgraceful hahahaha...suck it up, J, cos she's not wrong...) I would ask her, how can we say that in a cheerful way?
Hmmmm...
I think I have my head around my thesis argument, I just have to write it down. I can do that.
Tomorrow we're going to Mum and Dad's for the weekend.
My achilles tendons, shins and calves are ever so pleased with all the stretching they are getting, so I have been able to run three times this week!
*short pause for happy dance*
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Hot cross buns exist.
On Sunday we rejoice in the resurrection of love and hope.
What's not to be cheerful about?
Bugger, grumbles LBTEPA's whiny twin, I was looking forward to feeling miserable all day...

Now *whistling (and inflicting all my dear readers with an irritating earworm)* hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work I go...

Have a very happy Easter everyone :)

Monday, April 02, 2007

Maybe mojo, and an experiment.

I seem to have plummeted through March with an unpleasant splat. But the new month has imparted some new positivity and energy. I believe I might find my mojo soon!
This shin/calf/foot thingy has provided unexpected learning – constant niggly pain makes me HUNGRY! As does being Slightly-Under-Par. I am ATTRACTING WELLNESS GODDAMMIT! Aches and sniffles and cough, FEAR ME, and BEGONE! (It's a little known fact that being an Evil Overlord IS the most effective way of Attracting stuff). Given that I am generally the headcold Bleatmeister, refusing to give any quarter to being S-U-P was an interesting experiment – I ran and exercise-biked and took Noddie to the Aquarium and did housework, and the s-word (sick…shhhhh!) was never allowed to cross my mind. Mind you I did chugalug echinacea and panadol and vitamin C, but that was for wellness. You see? Hey, it kept me amused.
How do you all keep yourselves from diving into yummy stuff when you’re S-U-P? All words of wisdom gratefully accepted! (I’m picturing a SWAT team surrounding the house - step away from the hot cross buns LBTEPA…nice and slowly…)
More anon, dominators! mwahahaha!