Eating for harm-minimisation, off the vino and the soft drink, staying positive. Hardly any exercise (but doing my best), studying as much as I can.
I've written IWI on my hand to remind me I'm Worth It.
*LATER* Interestingly, the lovely Hayley has also been thinking along these lines.
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Eating for harm-minimisation, off the vino and the soft drink, staying positive. Hardly any exercise (but doing my best), studying as much as I can.
Friday, October 27, 2006
All is not going well.
I almost ran out of my anaphylaxis pills (that I have to ship in from NZ) so I cut down the dosage so I wouldn't run out altogether. Then when they arrived I went back up to the normal dose (BTW my dr said this was ok in the short term - yes, I know I should have had more forethought and not cut it so fine to order them etc etc)
Now I'm sleepy. Very sleepy. Words about Suicide and Depression, Clinical Neuropsychology and Rehabilitation, the Scientist-Practioner model and the effect of TV on Children are going into my eyes and bouncing off my brain instead of soaking into it and getting ready to re-emerge in convincingly erudite coherence next Thursday. I'm pressing that panic button now, my friends, pressing it repeatedly and pressing it hard!!
Diet Coke is back in my life - I'm a desperate recidivist who should be called DAISNAID* not LBTEPA. So far I haven't eaten too too much although I did eat my morning tea and entire lunch all at once at 11.00am. The scales were mean to me this morning anyway (a kg UP? In two days? WTF?). Nearly as mean as the prompt, competent and charming (HAH!) bank employees with whom I spent half an hour on my mobile while they worked out that they might fax our most recent statements to our financial planner sometime next week if they can be bothered. For $19. GRRRRRRRR. So I'm lardy AND cross.
And I won't have time to do my speed session at the gym tonight b/c we are having friends over. So that means my weekly kms are down and that means that I probably won't crack my 1000km goal for the year, and will have gained every kg I ever lost back by tomorrow, so the Spousal Unit will leave me, and take Noddie and all my earrings, thus leaving my life bereft of any happiness whatsoever. We psychology types call this catastrophising. As my dear late (teetotal) GrandmA would say, there's nothing for it but hard drinking.
Ahhhhhhhhh that feels better. Nothing like an unbecoming wallow in the self-pity pool to clear my head. Thanks for listening, chaps. Back to it.
*Do As I Say, Not As I Do
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
New things I did this week:
- speed training on the treadmill. 5 x (slow 800m + faster 800m). Really fun!
- tried out the pilates dvd recommended by Kathryn. I’ve never done pilates before. It looked as though it would be easy but was actually hard. I enjoyed it.
- went out on Saturday morning for a bike ride. It was so pleasant out there in the morning sunshine. I have to practice practice practice everything – cornering balance, toe clips, gears, hills! But it will come.
- bought a book called Slow Fat Triathlete. I was a bit nonplussed when the sales person at Borders asked what it was about.
- made the Spousal Unit go for a walk after dinner. We WILL have a happy healthy old age together whether he likes it or not. J works in retail so he trotted out all that “I’m on my feet all day so that’s enough exercise” guff that we all know isn’t true. He came back relaxed and happy, and full of plans to increase his route/improve his time. gmap- pedometer is his new best friend. LOL he is such a bloke.
Yesterday I started to get into the ‘cranked up the training a bit, uni stuff due, exams coming, a bit stressed, a bit tired so LET’S CARB LOAD!!! Sushi, fruit scones, it’s all ok if I’m under the pump, anyway it's all healthy food’ thing. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve done that. It’s how I’ve carefully maintained a weight 9kg heavier than my goal for more than two years (smacks self in forehead).
BUT THEN I said to myself, what are you doing woman? This can only end in tears and unjustified crossness toward the scales when we all know whose fault it will really be if you go on like this! STOP! So I…. stopped. I just stopped. I didn't die. The anxious overwhelmed feeling faded the same way it would have if I'd kept eating. This is a big thing for me.
I am so glad the three uni assignments are handed in, gone, done and dusted baby!! (feel free to join me in the happy dance). I just never got into gear this semester. Last semester was so intense, and the assignments this time were a bit nebulous – a group tender application, commentary on the tender process and a placement report. I found it hard to focus. Now I just have to prepare for the theory exam next week. Where did I put that mojo again?
Now it’s time to send Jeanne some “YOU GO GIRL” vibes as she is running her second marathon on Sunday!! Pop over there and wish her a great day.
Back when I’ve done some more exam prep.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
I’m going to sound like a complete half-back flanker* but bear with me. I’ve been really surprised at the amount of ‘oooooh you’re doing a triathlon’ I’ve had since I went public with Grand Plan Summer 06-07 (i). Even the Spousal Unit asked me why I didn’t just work at getting better at running. At the moment I’m happy with my half-marathon. I’ll do more of them next winter. I’m going to have a crack at my 10km PB in December but that’s only because I wrote it in my 06 goals, I’ve paid for the race entry, and I’m finding speed training quite enjoyable.
Digression: Yes! Me! Speed training! Running at a speed where you’re puffed! More than once! (how startlingly fun and interesting it was is another whole, probably deeply tedious, post)
Why do I do these things?
I’ve thought and thought and it comes down to this:
I strongly believe in individuals’ responsibility for their own health.
I plan to be one of those mad old bats tearing around doing surprising things when they’re in their 80s, so I need to practice.
I like adventures!
I like being part of huge buzzy events, and occasions and communities where achievement based on honest endeavour is celebrated.
I like projects and having a plan (hello Captain Obvious!)
I like doing things I can show off about (hello again C.O!)
I like to try and do things that scare me a bit , but not too much, but which I think I could probably manage if I work at it. As a mum and in my not-very-high-powered job, my day-to-day life is consumed by minutiae, picking up the endless tide of shite and doing the washing and making sure my colleagues check their first aid kits and do their audits and all that unnoticed and unheralded stuff. So half marathons and triathlons are how I live large and dream big. They’re kind of my secret life.
Do keep the following in mind when reading of my feats of athletic prowess(ROFL*).
I am VERY SLOW. VERY VERY SLOW.
I am lucky and grateful to be in a good place in my life right now. I am no longer suffering from depression, an unhappy marriage, chronic fatigue, or infertility. There’s absolutely no way I could have even contemplated any of my current projects six years ago. Back then, ‘dreaming big’ was walking to the corner, paying our bills and getting a job.
I started running two and a half years ago. I ran 1 minute walked 4 minutes because that’s all I could manage. At that time my aim was to maybe do a 5km one day. It’s all happened in little steps.
I have a very supportive husband and in-laws, and one healthy child.
Uni will be over for the year in 2 weeks so I will have more spare time until February.
It’s the right time for me to do these things.
I’ve really written this because I don’t want anyone else to be thinking, “Oh dear, I should be doing…….” just because I’m doing them. It’s your time to do what you’re doing.
The main thing I've learned is that it's okay to want big dreams and try to make them happen. You might be taking small steps, but each single little one is important and valuable, because it’s taking you where you want to go. By taking little steps you learn that you can dream big. Start with making a small dream come true for yourself, and see what happens. When it's the right time your dreams will grow.
Oh dear, this has gone all Oprah…. sorry, too many cups of tea, an afternoon nap and a brain-explodingly tiresome assignment I’m avoiding. But I’m not going running until I finish the f#$%ing thing so I’d better get stuck into it.
BTW did you notice I've clocked up 800km on my running ticker this year? FIGJAM*, eh?
more anon, dahlings
Why I really do it - my two inspirations.
* = rhyming slang for a tosser
* = Rolling On Floor Laughing
* = F*#% I'm Good Just Ask Me
Friday, October 20, 2006
...has just 'remembered' his bowling final is on Dec 10th (triathlon day). Grrrr!
The great family tri challenge has been rescheduled to Jan 14th. I told him he just wants another month to train so I don't beat him by too much LOL.
Now I have to work out whether I can afford the $$$ and family-time to do both Dec and Jan, since I already have the Sussan 10km on Dec 3rd. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.... what could persuade the Spousal Unit get up at stupid o'clock to watch hundreds of lean lycra-clad keensters zooming about....twice?
Thursday, October 19, 2006
I entered a triathlon!! This one!
On December 10th!
With my nephew!
He's 15 and a gun cyclist. I'm a better swimmer, but he told my sister he thought he might catch me on the bike leg . When I heard this I told her to tell him that if he doesn't catch his slow old aunty he's a disgrace and she should make him walk home!
The cash is on the barrel now so (with respect to the great Bolder ) it is ON! It is SO ON!
My Grand Plan for summer 06-07 is coming together... bwahahahaha!
Monday, October 16, 2006
I'm trying not to spend too much time blogging while I power through these last assignments, but......
this is for you, Hayley - the unfrumping of LBTEPA, such as it is.
The statue of David was a joke gift from my brother. We think it raises the tone LOL.
When I decided to ride my bike to uni on Sunday, the Spousal Unit raced outside to clean off all the spiders/grease the chain/check the brakes, bless him. Noddie helped.
J zoomed Noddie around the garden as she giggled hysterically. She spent the rest of the day wearing 'her' helmet.
BTW, cycling and running use very different muscles! Who knew? I can feel a summer project coming on...
Friday, October 13, 2006
After my run-in with the ghastly "customer service" (HA!) people at Yarra Council I was pretty upset, feeling like a victim and as though the world was an unfriendly and unfair place. *Note: I was not trying to avoid paying the fine. I was trying to pay it! Imagine what they'd be like to people who aren't trying to cooperate!!
So I had a bit of a snivel and a cup of tea, and then I went out to prove myself wrong.
Jeremy at the hairdresser was funny, polite and competent, and I no longer look like a tragic frump with no interest in her appearance. Amanda at the phone shop was charming, polite and competent, and laughed at my lame jokes as we replaced my dead phone. Between them they restored my faith that people are fundamentally nice. I do believe that. When I got home I rang Amanda's manager to tell her how impressed I was. Spread the love, I say.
BTW 'Habit of the Week (HOTW) #1 - no diet coke/soft drink is going very well. I am horrified how much money I spent on that stuff! My M-I-L gave me a diet coke yesterday and I couldn't finish it. So there's a habit broken :) Go me.
HOTW #2 has been 'no extras', because they're what's been tripping me up in terms of weight loss. By 'extras', I mean bites of Noddie's sausage roll, coffee-and-cake instead of coffee, dessert just because J is having some, nervous/angry eating of jelly snakes... you know the drill.Thinking 'is this an extra?' whenever I reach for something outside the normal meal pattern is working much better than I expected. A bit like journalling food, but no need to find a pen - we have to keep them out of Noddie's reach so there is never one when you need it LOL.
Any ideas for HOTW #3? Nothing too hard!! I need to succeed!
I have done no exercise this week and I am champing at the bit for a run. Tonight, I hope. Next week I'm going to follow Linda's fine example and get back into the weights. Hold me to it, will you?
Uni deadlines are approaching apace and I am procrastinating. No more posts until this assignment is done (have a nice life guys...)
Thursday, October 12, 2006
The City of Yarra are bloodsucking pirates.
Note to self: learn to read
Monday, October 09, 2006
This is to prove that I’m slow but I put in. Eeeeeeewwwww sweatyanyuck as Noddie says
**late edit** OFFICIAL TIME 2.30.45 - THAT'S A PB!! (*does happy dance*)
Splits: please remember Jeanne that these are kilometers and NOT miles.
6.20 – less than a km, as I clocked it on the first km sign which was for the marathoners
7.41 – hilly. Cold.
15.42 – this 2km included a very swift pit stop – isn’t hydration tricky?
7.28 – dunno what happened here
7.30 – This was 1.1km, but even so, I wanted to crank it up an extra gear, which just wasn’t there. I even walked a bit. Stupid cold. Oh well.
I was really pleased by the (for me) evenness of these splits. I wanted to go faster in the last 4km along St Kilda road, but every time I tried to increase the tempo my overall energy levels responded with a “well, we can do that for about 3 minutes and then you’ll have to walk the rest of the way. You choose”.
Overall, what a wonderful day! I struggled with the stairs at work a bit today, and my cold has come back to haunt me, but I could care less. As you know, I was agonising over whether to run or not and what decided me was the memory of the buzz of the whole day.
And it was all there again. The nervous chatter on the bus (and the Arts Centre toilets - the flashest pre-race loos I’ve ever seen LOL). The slap slap slap of 4000 runners’ feet setting off on their own journeys, but all with the same dream. The people I talked to as I ran – and this year was able to help and encourage a little bit, as I was helped and encouraged so much last year - in particular Trevor the triathlete (no, really) who ran with me the whole 5km stretch from Brighton to St Kilda, which is flat and exposed and broke my heart last year so I was a bit scared of it – and then fell back!! I was faster than someone!!! I’m so shallow...
The coolrunning cheersquads, which made this little back o’the packer feel like a ROCK STAR - YOU GUYS ARE WONDERFUL!!!
The tailwind. The amazingly-much–smaller–than–last-year Fitzroy St hill. Running along St Kilda Road with a woman who’d survived breast cancer and decided to do something crazy like run 21.1km to celebrate. I’m so sorry I had to leave you behind - I hope the anguish in your eyes was turned to happiness at the finish.
Spotting the Spousal Unit waving from the crowd as I ran up the chute (on Bathurst Sunday – what a sacrifice…Everything.
It was better than last year because I understand more about what it means and what it takes to run 20+km now. I loved feeling as though I knew what I was doing. I got to cheer in the marathoners, which was a blast! I loved the way the crowd tried to lift the runners who were faltering at the end of their long road, and how so many runners had their kids running with them to share their proudest moment (I’m tearing up writing this). And I loved catching up with so many Cool Runners at Transport afterwards and sharing the boring shoes/hydration/horror story/no-you-were-great-no-you-were-great camaraderie which is such a big part of what I love about running.
But really I love it because runners dream big. And they go after it as hard as they can. And that’s how I want to live.
And I'm still wearing my medal.
...and PB (watch time, by 55 seconds) beats SPF beats DNF beats DNS! Woo hoo!
(this has barely left my neck, and won’t until I feel like it)
Heartfelt thanks to the commenters on my last post who made me realise why I had to have a crack at the run. I thought of you often yesterday.
Finally, congratulations and well done to Sparkdriver who ran his first marathon yesterday! Get over to his blog and tell him what a legend he is!!
And a loud round of applause to my old running buddy Frankie, who toughed out blisters and cramping to finish more than an hour after his anticipated time. Well done mate - now you can blitz your PB next year :)
More anon, chaps. Proper race report tomorrow-ish. Have a great day.
Friday, October 06, 2006
hanellie has "tagged" me to provide a concise self-portrait in 8 factoids. My first tagging ever! Most stuff about me is in the 'it's a long story' link in my sidebar but I'll have a bash at some more.
1. I never imagined it was possible to love anyone as much as I love my Noddie. It is a qualitatively different love from the way I love the Spousal Unit.
2. Some days I want to change my name and run away to Venezuela so much I check tickets and schedules on the net.
3. I have an extremely bad tempered, nasty streak which I try to exercise as seldom as possible.
4. Some people say I'm driven, but I see it differently. I'm allowed to want things and go after them. BTW these things are not usually "things", but experiences like running, travelling, study.
5. Exercise calms me down and makes me happy.
6. Wine is a constant temptation.
7. I try to see everything in life as an adventure and to teach Noddie this.
8. I'm a big fan of Thoreau's saying that the worth of something is the amount of life you have to expend to get it.
If the Half Marathon was today I'd make it Beaumaris (2.5km from the start). Is a DNS better or worse than a SPF (Slow Painful Finish)? I don't know....... trying not to be sad......
The reality is, I know it would be stupid to do it, but a part of me (the bloody-minded, pigheaded part of me) wants it. It's not just the bling. It's the day. It's the crowds, it's the buzz, it's the euphoria as you fly up the last bit of road to the Arts Centre Spire and for about 2 minutes your legs stop hurting and then you cross the line and there is absolutely nothing like that feeling.....and the grin you can't take off your face all day....and boring everyone stupid with anecdotes... and feeling just that bit taller...
Is it worth almost 3 (if I'm not travelling well) cold, (I gather the forecast isn't good) miserable, questioning-every-step hours?
I don't know.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Gentle readers: I need the power of your collective minds!!
Please direct the mighty power of your thoughts toward this (strong expletive) head cold infesting my noggin. Let it know that it DOESN'T EXIST and therefore will NOT stop me running my half-marathon on Sunday. Will it out of existence. Smite it with your ESP. Smack it with a fly swat. I don't care. Just make it gone.
Meanwhile I will lurch about the house in my tatty pjs wiping my nose and Noddie's nose, chugging vitamin C, echinacea and tea and gargling salt water at intervals (I read it somewhere).
I am not giving into "waaaaaaaaaah this is so unfaaaaaaaaaaair I've worked so haaaaaaaaaaaard I've been looking forward to this for aaaaaaaaaaaaaaages" thoughts, because they are unbecoming, and anyway they are old - I used them all when I had to pull out of the Run to the G Half Marathon in July because of an unscheduled tooth extraction with 16 stitches. Old old old. So is DNSing. Old. So give it your all, folks. With your help I can get the bling.
BTW even with a spectacularly ill-timed head cold I feel 100% better than before I fixed my iron levels. It's just a massive PITA*
*Pain In The Arse
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
and this time alcohol had nothing to do with it!
I'm currently starring in that fun reality show called "When sinuses attack!" Are the Running Gods trying to tell me something? Good thing sudafed is my friend so I don't have to saw off my head.
As for the 'never ever eating again' statement: yesterday was our first day in the new building at work and there was a catered lunch. Enough said I think.
I have to get a grip on this weight loss thing. I have to let go my hatred of my new scales and make them my friend. In a peculiar way, I've almost been eating to spite them - c'mon, do your worst, see if I care!! I am going to wipe off the black crayon scribbles - Noddie did it! honestly! - and draw a big heart or some flowers or something.
Big changes never work for me, so I am going to pick a 'habit of the week' to work on. This week I will eliminate/minimise diet coke.
This post isn't flowing, probably because of my new best friend sudafed. More anon.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
I'd like to blame Simlin. His Eagles' nailbiting stoush with the Swans was all the Grand Final anyone could want - apart, of course, from a 10 goal shellacking of the opposition by one's own team; I'll have to wait until next year for that (laughter). Hope you had a big one Simlin!!
And I'd like to blame my friend V - when I am told to "come over at 1.30 so we can have some food" then I don't eat lunch. So when there's no actual food, only chips and olives and cheese, I eat them, so the wine I drink while distracted by the thrilling footy doesn't get me too messy. And when the real food appears, at three quarter time, I eat that too, because it's yummy, and because all those kilojoule-laden nuggets haven't filled me up properly, no no no.
But I can't blame anyone but myself. I just went straight back to my old piggy party eating habits and 'forgot' all the party food strategies I've practiced for all these years. Good one LBTEPA!! Top effort! NOT!!
And I'm feeling pretty happy about Noddie and the Spousal Unit, and I don't take much trouble with my hair, and I'm not a bloke, so I couldn't really join in either the "our lives are crap our kids are awful our husbands are tiresome we all go to the same hairdresser isn't she good" conversation, or be the only chick hanging around the barbecue. Well, I could have, but I didn't. So I felt a bit lonely and a bit of a social failure so I drank a bit more wine.
But then the Spousal Unit arrived and I started to have a nice time. And then I walked Noddie home in the windy darkness and we were very pleased to be having an adventure, and then I was a bit peckish and feeling kindly toward J so I ordered Chinese food so we could share it when he got home, and I had a glass or two of sparkling shiraz while I was waiting for him and picking at the food.....
The Spousal Unit has gone back to bed, poor lambie, and Noddie is dancing to Play School dressed only in her singlet. I'm in my dressing gown, and I'm very glad I got my weekend run over with yesterday morning.
I am never, ever, ever eating or drinking anything ever, ever again.