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Thursday, August 31, 2006

joy schmoy

The 8km I just finished was of an order of suckitude so monumental as to dwarf Mt Kosciuszko. Tired legs, tired mind. Many short "I hate this"; "shut the f$%& up" conversations. The best bit was when there were no more shortcuts to resist taking.
My plan is to behave as though motivated this week, despite being a bit flat after the half-marathon, all the other excitements and ok, I confess, a few too many sherbets with the Spousal Unit of an evening. He and Noddie have been coughing and sneezing disgusting germs at me, which I am NOT pleased with. I'm back on my anaphylaxis pills too, which make me a bit weary while I get used to them. So 5.30am has not been happening, which means the rest of my life has been intruding into my training in a tiresome fashion. But I'm sticking to my eating plan and I will squeeze in two runs by the end of the week. Where? When? Today's came out of study time which is VERY BAD and demonstrates WRONG PRIORITIES. Meh. (blows raspberry).
Five weeks two days until the Melbourne Half Marathon. Must.Keep.Working. Why is it that when I can't keep to THE SCHEDULE I spend days muttering to myself, "missing a run doesn't mean you will instantly gain 5kg and lose all your fitness....missing a run doesn't mean you will instantly gain 5kg and lose all your fitness...."

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

still in a very good mood

I'm still in a very good mood from all the good things that have been happening lately. And my medal from Shepparton is in my pocket. A workmate commented that I was like a ten year old bringing show-and-tell - but shhh! don't tell her - I DON'T CARE WHAT SHE THINKS..... it's all about appreciating life's small joys :).
In other news, in a strong bid for Nuffy of the Year 2006 I ran out of petrol on the tollway on the way to a meeting this morning. It wasn't raining, the "Incident Response Team" (coo er, eh?) were prompt, charming AND cute and the meeting was still going when I got there so they were pleased to see me. These things happen, no? This type of thing is often a 'heads-up' that I'm losing the plot a bit, so I'll have to think about that.
I don't know if I'll do a 'race report' on Sunday's run - I was really happy with the time, and it is hard to explain why it gave me such joy to run slowly for two and a half hours. I'll think about that too.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

2:31:07

2:31:07 for the Shepparton half marathon! I'm thrilled.
Noddie and Teddy are thrilled with their ribbons too. I wish I'd seen them bringing the crowd to its feet with their sprint across the line at the end of their 3km (the Spousal Unit was there too, go J go! :)
More details tomorrow, possibly including every single km split, as I have finally mastered the lap function on the watch J gave me 12 months ago LOL

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Monday: OH. MY. GOD. I just got my mark for statistics - 84%!! I am STAGGERED.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

post with words (and actions)

We have tenants in our rental house (beams).
I got 84% for my theory essay that I sweated blood over (does happy dance).
We are tearing about madly today getting ready to go away to Shepparton tonight. There's a 3km for kids at the same time as my run; J and Noddie are going to walk it because Noddie is determined to run a marathon with mummy too LOL. NOT that I'm doing the full, just the half (shudders at the thought of running a full).
I hope she gets a medallion b/c she's not playing with mine LOL.
A hoped-for time tomorrow? "happy with" = <2.39; "pleased with" = <2.35; "thrilled with" = <2.30. That time would also be "astonishing", and "licence to yap on at length for days and bore everyone I know to death" (laughs).

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

wish I hadn't looked...

I just checked last year's results for the Shepparton Half and the last-placed person was about 10 minutes faster than my hoped-for time.... and the second last person was 30 min faster!!!!
(mumbles to self: it's not about them, it's about me, it's not about them...and there's a medal...am I too obsessed with bling?...oh dear...)

AND HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO J AND ME!! yes it's 8 years since a drunken one-night stand went horribly wrong and we never looked at anyone else again (that's not how they're supposed to work, is it?). We celebrate this date as well as our wedding date because, well, we like celebrating, and neither of us wants to forget the day we got very lucky in more ways than one ;)

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

one of those runs

after the tiresome events of the weekend, and all yesterday's schlepping around begging for appointments with my GP so I could get a script for a new epipen, and authorisation to get it cheaply (it's not that I don't think my life's worth $100 but if I can save it for $30 all the better, nothing wrong with being tinny is there? more $$ for shoes :), and a new referral to see my specialist so I could beg for an emergency appointment on Wednesday, and going to 4 pharmacies to try and get the pen, and then tearing back to work to get some couldn't-be-left stuff done, and the usual evening bath Noddie/dinner/lunches stuff, and, and, and ...........
I soooooo didn't want to leave the house at 5.30am today to get my run in before J went to work. It was one of those runs where only the thought of 8km more on my ticker kept me from going home. That, and the anticipation of feeling utterly smug all day for being so virtuous and intrepid (HA!). Some runs are just like that, eh? Only 6km left for Thursday, then it's off to Shepparton. And I get a medal for that :)

BTW I have also lost 1kg this week so my weight ticker is accurate again LOL. Thanks to L for project T.A.N.K.E.D. and the lovely Paulene for her 12 week challenge - both helping to change my bad habits :)

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Yay! and not. But still.

Yay! I ran 21km last night, thanks geomap, powerade and my mp3! In the rain, too(for about 5 minutes. But still). Yay me!
Not yay: out-of-nowhere anaphylactic reaction requiring adrenaline pen, a lot of drugs, and no nice evening with the Spousal Unit that I'd been looking forward to for ages. No ambulance this time though (is that a yay?). My allergy specialist, who assured me this was extremely unlikely to happen again, is in for a proper ticking off I can tell you.
I'm absolutely shattered this morning and I look like the elephant man, but shit happens, eh? And I'm still alive to whinge.
But did I tell you I ran 21km? All by myself? And in the rain? YAY!

Thursday, August 17, 2006

insane woman shouts at librarian, goes home & makes soup

That pretty much sums up my afternoon. After a shaky start at the video shop when she tried to hit another child (her new hobby), Noddie was in the pusher and behaving very well in the library with the aid of a vegemite scroll. I was actually able to get some books I wanted rather than (as usual) snatching some from the sorting trolley in order to keep the visit length and concommitant screams of outrage to a minimum. Things were going well until I was checking out my yummy book booty and the librarian pointed out to me sternly (but politely, and I know she was quite within her rights to do so) that food in the library was not permitted and could I not bring any in again.
Well ladies and gentlemen, I lost it. I shouted at her, burst into tears and ran out without my books. That poor woman. She followed me out to try and sort things but I couldn't go back in so I just kept saying I was sorry (and I WAS, believe me), it wouldn't happen again, and moving toward my car. A sweet kind woman, who had obviously seen the whole thing, came over and was charming about how hard it is to get things done with two year olds. May every good fortune smile upon her in this and every lifetime.
When I got home I ate half a packet of rice crackers and made some vege soup. My other plan was to dive into a chardonnay bottle but I wanted something positive out of the day.
Now let's never mention this again.
*LATER* May I say how much I love sib 3, friend M and my Mum who were so very supportive whilst laughing hysterically at this story. I'm lucky to have them all in my life :)

Grrr

I was in such a good mood, but am now a bit cranky b/c the nice tenants who we were very excited about having in our rental house have decided NOT to sign the lease. Boo!

I was going to title this post FREE SPEED but I was worried about attention from substance abusers or the Federal Police. If I actually needed another reason to keep plugging away at the lard-shedding, Nancy Toby has provided one. It’s all about the physics, boys and girls – reduced mass = increased speed. Give this calculator a run time and your current weight and it works out how much faster you would be if you lost those few kg you've been meaning to do something about. Sensational.

GOAL UPDATE
Limited wine – going quite well, largely thanks to project T.A.N.K.E.D. (Text Amount Not K(C)onsumed Each Day – thanks Linda for the great name!)
Portion sizes – 6/10.
after work carb fest - 6/10
Journalling – 8/9 days so far. So very boring, but very helpful
Breakfast at home – 10/10. I also have muesli bars and yoghurt at work so even if I don’t get to eat at home I won’t be hitting the self-pity coffee scroll stall.
Lunches at home – planning tends to be derailed if the Spousal Unit is at home as he is under a lot of stress and is a Treat eater. MUST PLAN MORE.

Things I can change this month
Plan for the ‘tired = hungry’ trap.
Leave 1/4 of dinner on my plate (J dishes out a lot of food) - even if it’s really yummy
Plan for weekend eating, including if J comes home with a ‘Treat’ or there’s an impromptu meal ‘out’.

I am currently willdly excited by The Schedule. It sits thrillingly on the fridge, with lovely boxes listing the day's exercise that I can cross off in thick red texta! Hey, it works for me, and it is all about me LOL :)

Monday, August 14, 2006

Ah, I remember...

Yesterday I remembered some things.

I remembered how pleasant and encouraging most runners are. The bloke who organised the run actually ran with me until I turned around for the return leg - then shot off at his normal pace to catch up with the rest of the group LOL.
I remembered the conversation I have with myself every time I run a long way.
I’m so slow, I hate this
Well, you don’t have to do it. You can always stop.
But then I’d have to walk home which would take longer! And the others will catch me even sooner
Up to you mate. I’m keeping on running for the next two songs, let me know what you decide
(*sings to self for a while*)
sustainable, sustainable, pick a sustainable pace. Think about your form, you’re ok, this is quite nice actually, look at the river and the wattle and the ducks.
I’m so slow, why do I do this? This sucks. I suck.
No-one says you have to do it. You can just stop. This is a want-to-do not a have-to-do.
My bum hurts. I'm tired.
Look. We haven’t got room for so much complaining here. Just stop it, or stop and walk. One or the other, make up your mind.
(sustainable, sustainable, pick a sustainable pace. Think about your form, you’re ok, this is so pleasant, look at the river and the wattle and the ducks)
.
I hate this, I’m so slow....

Repeat for as long as it takes. On this occasion it was 18km/2hrs 15 minutes. This was a bit discouraging in that it's not much faster than last year's woeful half marathon pace. Is that all I've managed in a year? We'll see what happens in Shepparton. Where I will not be (ahem) a bit dehydrated from a night catching up with sib 3 and friend L. Should have remembered that was a bad idea, shouldn't I?

I discovered some things too.
I can keep running, and concentrating, and managing my moods (see above), for more than 2 hours.
I stay much more focussed with music on than when I'm running with someone.
Powerade every 20 minute does make a difference Sparkdriver, but make sure you get the isotonic one with all the electrolytes.
Cold water recovery baths are for MAD people. It felt as though the water was burning me! And it took me ages to get warm afterward. The Spousal Unit just thinks it’s further confirmation of my lunacy! Today my legs feel better than I would have expected so it did do something.

All I could think about on the way home was proper coffee and lemon tart!

Saturday, August 12, 2006

3 updates

NODDIE UPDATE: It's a rule that I do my nut at Noddie b/c she refuses to take a nap and we are going out tonight so it's important that she does, just after the young skinny childless newlywed neighbours (who I thought were out) come back from whatever stylish pursuit that has occupied their morning. Now I can only go into the front garden under cover of darkness lest they shoot me either disapproving or understanding looks.
RUNNING UPDATE: I went out for a run last night with my erstwhile running buddy Frankie, whom I haven't seen since he got a new job and our schedules no longer mesh. He is much, much, much faster than I am and teases me a bit, which makes me feel a bit bad; but he does run at my pace, which must be just above walking to him. I keep telling myself that as long as I am out there working hard and trying to improve myself, it doesn't matter if I'm slow.
I'm going out with the cool running Sunday morning group tomorrow for the first time - and by 'going out with' I mean we'll start together and they'll wave at me as they pass me on the return leg, they're nice people - and quite frankly I'm scared witless. I'm planning to run 2 hours, which will hurt. And I AM SLOW. I know they won't be laughing at me, but one part of me just feels almost ashamed. But another part of me just likes to run! When that part feels the splendid pleasure of effort it drowns out the "you're so slow, why not just go home" voice of my whiny evil twin. Or I hope it will! I'll let you know whether I pike the whole thing at the turnoff to the meeting point car park and scuttle home, or actually front up and do it. Have you ever noticed that things you have been dreading are very seldom as bad as you anticipated (recent 40th party excepted)? I'm really, really hoping that will be the case tomorrow.
FASHION UPDATE: I tried on some bathers yesterday - halter neck, boyleg pants, very out there for me - and they looked quite good!! For the first time it really struck home that all this effort is actually working. I bought the togs.
*Now the neighbours are having a shouting match. It must be the weather.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

bother

Thanks to that instrument of Satan gmap-pedometer, I have discovered that my sensational long run last week was actually about 14km and thus extremely slow :(. Naturally I immediately checked all my other routes; my estimations are pretty close, thank goodness! Better to know now than get a rude shock when I run at Shepparton on the 27th. *BIG SIGH*
In Running Bling news, I am now the proud owner of a new bumbag with a bottle holder (pauses for impressed "ooooooooh!" from audience). Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting And mine is red! It has a pocket for my adrenaline pen, phone, mp3 and emergency details. You DO all carry emergency details when you're running, don't you? Of course you do.
I'm going to start experimenting with gatorade/sports drinks for runs over an hour as I've been reading about the need for potassium and sodium when you're sweating. And they don't call me 'the human tap' for nothing LOL. Also jelly snakes are turning out to be addictive, and I don't need any other vices.
Speaking of which, Plan "sms my niece L the number of glasses of wine I consume on weeknights" (note to self: must think of a shorter name) has worked superbly, thanks L. I've been able to text "0" three days in a row. Wine-with-dinner habit, you are on your way out!
It's 10.15am and I'm still in my pj's, a bit fed up because I haven't been Iron Wil and out at stupid o'clock. A familiar refrain, eh? However I have fed Noddie, made beds, run washing, picked up some of the 1000000000000000 bits of miscellaneous shite that float around my house in a kind of Brownian motion, emptied the dishwasher, cleaned the kitchen and been through the Spousal Unit's wardrobe and tossed 100000000000000000000000 bits of miscellaneous shite that have been preveting him putting his shoes away. You see, I am a Pleasantly Tidy Person and the Spousal Unit is a Demon Slob from Hell . It's a Very Good Thing he has so many other virtues, so I don't have to kill him.
I'm joking. About killing him. Who would mow the lawn? Mwhahahahaha
Off swimming now.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

repeat after me:

Repeat after me: if you don’t get up at stupid o’clock and train you will feel bad for much longer than if you do get up.
Even if you did have to get up and tend to Noddie at 3.30am.
Gloomy thought for the day: what important thing will I have to sacrifice to fit in a run because I was undisciplined this morning?
Repeat after me: lighten up! The sky will not fall because you had a lovely lie-in (until 6.30) this morning! Will you be tossed off the team for Beijing if you miss a run? It’s a beautiful day! Be grateful! There's always tomorrow!

I'm always pleased when my tiresome whining twin goes away, aren't you?

Sunday, August 06, 2006

it wasn't her, it was me

The party was fun: we caught up with the Spousal Unit's taekwondo friends whom we haven't seen for ages. It was also bad: the birthday girl is still hanging herself out to dry over a man who has never cared for her in the way that she wants, and never will (he has never said he does, or will, either). I said something to A that has probably destroyed our friendship. I'm very sad about that, but I just couldn't bear to be forced to collude in her self-deception any longer. I realised that I cannot deal with people I love asking me to lie to them about behaviour that is making them deeply unhappy. It's nothing to do with A. It was me being judgemental. Learning unflattering stuff about myself is never nice but *sigh* I couldn't see anything else to do.
LBTEPA and the Spousal Unit All Frocked Up
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
The lunch for my friend M went well, although I was very nervous and as always talked too much and mostly about myself. M's new man seems charming and very sweet. I'm happy for M :) She deserves some good luck.
We were a peaceful house after lunch - J snored in the living room watching car shows, I snoozed on the couch listening to the footy and Noddie slept in her bed. Later I took my overfed self out for a run, about 55min (about 9km). It was pretty dark, and windy, and my mp3 went flat so I was all alone with my breathing and the elements. When I got home my head and my heart were calm.

It's 2 weeks until the Shepparton half-marathon. I was going to do the Sandy Point half in 3 weeks but realised that's Father's Day, and it's a bit unfair to make that day all about me LOL. I'm not really prepared for Shep; that doesn't matter because it's part of my training program for the Melbourne Half in October, but I'm still scared :(. Sometimes I can't remember why I do these things.
Speaking of honesty, it's well and truly time to stop BSing myself about how many wines I have been having during the week lately. Not whines, I don't think that number will fall LOL. Wine with dinner is just a habit. I can break habits (grumbles to self how unfair it is that I can't eat and drink anything I want all the time and not get fat and and and and......)
*Edit* THE PLAN: my lovely niece L has been good enought to agree to my smsing her every night with the number of glasses I've had. I just need to be accountable for a while. Goal Mon-Thu = 0. Thanks L you are a legend (HUGS)

NICE THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED LATELY
It was 3 degrees but so sunny on the station this morning!
We used the best dinner set at lunch and it all looked really pretty.
Noddie stayed overnight at Nanny and Pa's on Saturday so J and I slept in until 8am!
I wore an outfit to the party that I haven't been able to fit into since my first marriage, and I received lots of compliments :)
Noddie called out "I love you" as I walked up to the station.
My footy team won :)

Saturday, August 05, 2006

domestic bliss

I ran 1:45 yesterday. IT WAS HARD. I think that's about 16-ish km. I went along the creek path which was gorgeous in the late afternoon light.
Sticking to The Schedule, I did 30 min in the pool this morning. Then I had a nap in the afternoon!
Noddie has started toilet training so we have just hung aorund the house doing domestic stuff. My friend M is coming over tomorrow so we can hear her stories of her trip to the US, and meet her new bloke!! All together now, oooooooooh! The trouble is M exaggerates my brilliance LOL so I think this chappie will be very let down!!
Off to a 40th this evening. Dunno how fun it will be as the birthday girl (friend A) is a bit depressed that her life hasn't worked out the way she expected ie husband and kids. The whys and wherefores of that are another whole blog altogether! But we get to frock up, yay!

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Happy Thursday

I ran an 8km-ish circuit after uni the other night. This used to be my long run but is now one of my midweek medium routes. There’s a very long hill which I puff up… and up… and up, very slowly. Last night mp3 karma happened: just at the dangerous bit where I really wanted to walk, and what’s more, could see no reason not to, Anastacia started to sing “paid my dues”.
I held my head high, knew I’d survive
I made it, don’t hate it
That’s just the way it goes
I done paid my dues, stand on my own two
I paid my dues

I love that, because I can remember when that circuit and that hill nearly brought me to tears. Now it’s still hard, but not beyond me – and I’ve earned that difference with every step and every time I go out when it’s cold and I’d rather be on the couch with J and some red wine. Paid my dues, and still paying them. The only way to effortless strength is effort, no?
Immediately prior to that Roy Orbison and I were “running scared” – perfect for that moment when I come around the corner and can first see how long that hill really is! The Muppet Movie “Moving Right Along” featured in there somewhere – if you see me running with a smile on my face that’s probably what I’m listening to LOL
The Spousal Unit has become noticeably more supportive about my exercise schedule – not that he wasn’t, but he’s actively encouraging me now more than he used to, which is really helpful. If I run after work J not only feeds and baths Noddie but also makes dinner most of the time. Yes, I’m lucky!
BTW the Spousal Unit has got another promotion at work! He will be working Tuesday – Saturday as 2-I-C of decorating and the tool shop, apparently a post with no little kudos. I’m so proud of him I could burst. Go J go! I’ll have to reorganise my exercise schedule again but not to worry.
I didn't go swimming early today as I had planned. Instead I cleaned out Noddie's wardrobe of all the boxes of too-small clothes that have been giving me the screaming s#$%s for months. I'll swim after I've been to the op shop. Then the library. I’ve got a lot to do at uni and I should have exercised first thing. Oh well. Now I can open Noddie's wardrobe without wanting to move to another house that's not so full of crap!
I haven’t been posting my “what I will do at work today” lists but I have been including them in my draft posts which I add to throughout the day. I am becoming slightly more productive, which feels good.
**Edit*** TOO SLOW - the Spousal Unit saw the boxes of stuff and has decided to sell it all on ebay! Arrgghh. But at least it won't fall on me any more. Still haven't been to the pool but have done a bunch of 'well gotta do it some time' stuff like buy poor ragtag Noddie some clothes. I should still have time if I go now**
**Later Edit**Had a swim, at last (rolls eyes)**

GOOD THINGS THAT HAPPENED SINCE I LAST WROTE
Noddie and I slept in an hour late on Wednesday !!!!eeek!!! and still got out the door on time with all bags packed etc. PITY ABOUT THE ONLY EAT BREAKFAST AT HOME PLAN THOUGH…. OH WELL
I found the earring I thought I’d lost. I’ve had it since 1989 so I was happy.
Ditto the swim membership card (which I only got last week).
J’s promotion, including pay rise :)
At the work morning tea I resisted the party pies.
J and I had a nice time together today buying Noddie's clothes and having lunch.

PS I have started an about me page in the sidebar (labelled 'it's a long story) so I don’t have to fill in too much backstory in my posts.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

everything is an example

The other day I decided to have a crack at mowing the lawn, which I don't usually do. Noddie was watching me as I struggled with starting the #$%&ing mower. "You can't start Daddy's lawn mower she remarked. I'll keep trying, I replied. No, she said, you can't start it. I was shocked. Who taught this kid this attitude? So I kept at it until I did start the #$%&ing thing. This involved two phone calls to the Spousal Unit to find out a) where he had hidden the fuel, and b) why the mower was blowing so much black smoke (it had nothing to do with me LOL). I didn't want to do it, really - although I felt very satisfied about taming the jungle, rrrrrooooaaaarrr! - but I couldn't bear to teach Noddie that if something is hard you just give up.

And on that note: I have signed up for Paulene's latest 12 week challenge. My aim over the last one was tO maintain - DONE - but this time I want a loss. 5kg. There. It's out there. That's my goal for the next 3 months. (takes deep breath).
What I am doing now
limited wine - hmmmm needs work
portion sizes - 7/10
after work carb fest - 8/10
building up running - 10/10
2 x weights - 5/10 (but I have also added 2 x swimming)

Things I can change this month
- start journaling again. A crashing bore but it does the job
- eat breakfast at home – no excuses
- only one (instant) hot chocolate at work. 99% fat free doesn’t mean calorie free
- marshmallows only at TTOM, and LIMITED TO ONE BAG!
- wine = no dessert and vice versa
- plan lunches for 'at home' days
I have also set up a buddy system with my friend L. If I feel like diving into the wine bottle/Noddie's leftovers/a chip bag I will sms her for a swift kick! We'll see how we go.

I didn't run this morning because J started work at 6.30. I would have had to get up at 5.00 and I'm just NOT THAT HARDCORE. I'll go tonight after uni.

The lovely Dawn challenged her readers to stop whining and think about what we are grateful for. I needed that gentle reminder!
THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR(in no particular order)
My husband and daughter
Being able to pay the heating bills, buy food and save some as well
A loving, comfortable home
My mum and the rest of my family and friends
Running, which gives me such happiness, achievement, and new friends and adventures
The opportunity to study and change my career
Living in a (relatively) safe country
Seeing the daffodils!! Spring will be here soon :)
My job, which I had better get back to!